First Time (Star Trek: TOS zine)/Issues 41-50

Issues 1-10 · Issues 11-20 · Issues 21-30 · Issues 31-40 · Issues 41-50 · Issues 51-60 · Issues 61-64

Issue 41

First Time 41 was published in February 1995 and contains 194 pages.

• Chrysalis by Kay Wells (Crash landing on a water world, Spock forces Kirk to let him drown when their escape pod is trapped underwater, with the idea that Kirk will be able to revive him once they reach the surface.)
• The Heart Has Reasons by Rebekah Lyons (Spock retreats from Kirk ʻs love, convinced that it was only the Drellaʼs interference, a creature that feeds on love, that brought them together.)
• The Blessing by Kitty Berman (Sybok realizes the hidden love Kirk and Spock have for each other, and at his death sends Kirk the message that Spock wonʼt say no if Kirk approaches him.)
• The Last Word by Karla Kelly (After a blow to the head, “Jim” is the only understandable word Spock can say, and through stranded with the landing party until the ship returns, Kirk and Spock make their feelings known for each other.)
• Magic Heart by Elizabeth Kay ("At the sound of his name, Spock looked up and felt the years tumble back into place. The slightly blonde hair had grown chestnut, short and curling, the same frank, expressive eyes were staring at him. All at once it seemed like nothing had ever come between them. They were clearly just as in synch with one another as they had ever been; even after two years of strict Kohlinar disciplines on his part, and a failed marriage on Kirk's.")
• poetry by Karla Kelly, Natasha Solten
• covers by Shelley Butler, art by Shelley Butler, DEW, and Chris Soto

• 

  front cover of issue #41, Shelley Butler, see Spock by the Pool for comments

• 

  back cover of issue #41, Shelley Butler, see Coming from the Pool for comments

• 

  cover of issue #41, second edition

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 41

See reactions and reviews for Magic Heart.

See reactions and reviews for Chrysalis.

See reactions and reviews for The Heart Has Reasons.

See reactions and reviews for The Last Word.

See reactions and reviews for The Blessing.

[unspecified art by Shelley Butler]: MORE MORE MORE. Give me more, pardon me. Give US more. A sleek panther and a wicked nipple peeking around a smooth corner. Miauw.

Issue 42

front cover of issue #42, Shelley Butler, see Aperitif

back cover of issue #41, Shelley Butler, see Champagne Wishes for comments

First Time 42 was published in June 1995 and contains 160 pages. It has art by Shelley Butler, Chris Soto, Terri Rett, and Lori Lee.

• The Picnic by Kate Sheridan (While on a visit to Kirkʼs home, Spock is introduced to the custom of bidding on prepared lunch baskets as a means to a date when he and Kirk go with Kirkʼs mother to a town fair.) (4)
• The Cookie Jar by Carol Turner (20)
• Fling the Snowflake, poem by H.R. Radei (25)
• Perfection by Karla Kelly (Spock is uncomfortable with Kirkʼs declarations of Spockʼs perfection until his captain hits on the one thing they both think is.) (26)
• Time Marches On, poem (29)
• Champagne Wishes by Cordelia Smith (Spock waits at the bar picked by McCoy to meet, and is pleasantly surprised when his captain shows up.) (This story has the same title as the back cover of the zine by Shelley Butler, but has an interior art piece with the same name by a different artist named Terri Rett.) (30)
• “The Diver” by Carolyn Spencer (won a 1995 STIFfie Award) (Visions that Spock had while at Gol are discovered to be shared when he rejoins Kirk to defeat VʼGer.) (38)
• The Diver, poem by Robin Hood (63a)
• A Beach to Walk On by J S Cavalcante (64)
• Say My Name by Shelley Butler (Spock is forced to confess his feelings for Kirk while both are held by Gary Mitchellʼs power.) (132)

• 

  cover of issue #42, second edition

• 

  from issue #42, Lori Lee for "The Cookie Jar"

• 

  from issue #42, title page for "The Picnic," sample text

• 

  from issue #42, Shelley Butler for "Perfection" - titled A Stolen Kiss

• 

  from issue #42, poem, sample page, machine-made calligraphy

• 

  from issue #42, Terri Rett for "Champagne Wishes" (for the story of the same name; the back cover of this zine is also titled "Champaign Wishes" but is by a different artist) -- "Nice drawing—lots of black and in that style rather like an etching—of Kirk and Spock kissing, against the backdrop of the observation deck port. More accurately, Spock seems just in the act of capturing Kirk's mouth, and that is a beautiful moment. The drawing is dynamic, a nice sense of movement and tension."
  
  "This is a very nicely done pen and ink drawing of Kirk and Spock kissing in front of what appears to be a large port window. The cross-hatching, if that's what it's called, is well-executed. I especially like the symbolic representation of stars in the background, and the white outline. The tilt of their heads, especially Spock's, is lovely, A warm and loving drawing."

• 

  from issue #42, Chris Soto for "The Diver," a glorious long-haired Spock -- "Oh! Long, lean, graceful, strong, naked long-haired Spock. No bangs—beautiful forehead; teasing hint of penis. Gorgeous light and shadow. Exquisite."
  
  "A simply beautiful rendition of an unclothed warrior Spock, complete with long hair and spear. Took my breath away, expert use of light and dark. I particularly like how the leather thongs on the spear echo the gentle curves of Spock's hair, I can almost feel the wind."

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 42

See reactions and reviews for Say My Name

See reactions and reviews for Champagne Wishes

See reactions and reviews for A Beach to Walk On.

See reactions and reviews for The Diver

See reactions and reviews for The Picnic

See reactions and reviews for The Cookie Jar

See reactions and reviews for Perfection

See reactions and reviews for the art by Shelley Butler, Champaign Wishes.

See reactions and reviews for the art, Aperitif.

I have just two things to say about the latest offerings from Merrymen Press: First Time 42, Scattered Stars 2, and Within the Mirror 10:

1.) Holy Shit! and 2.) WOW!!

I know that I said that I wasn't going to read my zines before my vacation next month - well that didn't work. I decided to just see how they looked the next I knew I had finished one then two, then the third one. Each one was so good. I just couldn't stop reading. This is what being a K/S fan is all about.

I can't even say that it was this story or that story because it was more of an overall 'experience." However I was very impressed with "In Any Reality", "The Diver", and "A Beach to Walk On" and every damn story in Within the Mirror.

I absolutely feel in love with the covers of First Time 42. If I allowed myself this could be the artwork that did me in. (Talk about hot!!)

I just loved the "feel" of the zines and I couldn't say I liked this one over the others because each one was a different side of the "/" relationship. Great job!!

Issue 43

front cover of issue #43, Chris Soto: "[I] can't fail to mention the front cover. The realization of Admiral Kirk's face is perfection. Maybe this is my favorite. After all, look at Spock's slightly downcast eyes. And the lovely rendition of the antique sextant. Chris Soto's artwork is a gift to us."

back cover of issue #43, Chris Soto: "I just adore this gorgeous drawing of Kirk and Spock in those first few precious moments after making love. So many details to rivet the eye: Spock's band resting possessively on Kirk's back. Kirk's arm thrown over Spock's hip, the lovely way their heads are pillowed on each other's thighs, and the absolute perfection of one stubborn curl of Kirk's hair on Spock's belly. So realisbc that I can almost see their chests move with their quiet breaths and fed their soul-deep satisfaction."

First Time 43 was published in December 1995 and contains 178 pages. It has art by Chris Soto, Anne Marie Smith, and Erica Bulsara.

From the editorial:

I won't stop editing, I won't stop mailing, and above all else, I won't stop BITCHING about contributors!! Now get off your butts and get busy. Every single one of you has a 1/2 finished story hiding under that pile of undies. And if you don't write it, I won't be able to do zines. So in an immense effort to keep me happy; er, nicer, ok, quiet, get busy and finish it! I don't care how old it is, in fact I'll have an ancient story in the next FT, so ancient that the author had to change the name since another personality all together wrote it. Make a new year resolution and finish it. Send it to me, okay, if I've stepped on your toes too often, send it to someone else, but WRITE!

This zine once again holds new and older (and getting older) writers. Be kind to the babies and remember that the old folks need their strokes just as much, since the $$ they make for this ain't too grand!

You'll notice that this zine appears to be a tribute to Chris Soto (not that she doesn't deserve one) but we don't want her to get a... swelled ... head, so I just say she'll do anything to get out of writing.... Now she did threaten me with death if the lovely cover ended up anywhere but in the appropriate story (you guess which story) but who the hell does she think she is? It's my zine and if I think it's good enough for a cover, then tough shitskies, it's a cover!

• Stranger than Fiction by "Shelley Butler/Kathy Stanis" ("Two crewwomen share a passion for watching Kirk and Spock and are so sure that they are lovers, they begin writing stories about them.") (4)
• The Storyteller by Kate Sheridan ("Kirk slugs McCoy when, after a night of drinking, McCoy taunts him about his love for Spock, and the next day McCoy demands that Kirk tell Spock or he will press charges.") (34)
• Love Song by Karla Kelly (52)
• Dance of the Le Matya by Erica Bulsara ("Spock wins a planetary contest and unknowingly picks Kirk as his prize for the night.") (56)
• Desolate, poem by Dovya Blacque, inspired by the cover of First Time #41
• Words by Penny Wise ("Spock goes into a type of trance when he tries to remove his feelings for Kirk.") (78)
• Scaling the Heights, poem by Imya Brata (89)
• "Secret Admirer" by Ciana Mitchell ("Just as Kirk and Spock begin a love affair, Kirk begins receiving gifts from a secret admirer.") (90)
• Follow the Star, uncredited poem (177)

• 

  from issue #43, Chris Soto for "Storyteller" --"So many beautiful pieces in this zine from this extraordinary artist to comment on. First of all, the seductive Kirk in blue jeans on page 44. With that "come-hither" look, my heart just melts (or is that race?). Great pose, perfectly done with grace and style."

• 

  from issue #43, Anne Marie Smith for "Secret Admirer " -- "What a fascinating, gorgeous Spock. First, it's a unique setting, and very nicely done—the observation window and the globe of Earth that Spock is leaning on; and a good balance with empty space. His clothes are absolutely great—just the sort of thing such a Vulcan gentleman in the know would wear—everyday elegance, understated. That's our Mr. Spock. This is a very unusual Spock but it doesn't feel out of character to me. The relaxed stance is what's so unusual, and it's just beautiful- It makes me think he's been learning some new body language from spending time in bed with Kirk. I also like his slight paunch—maybe he's been learning about eating for pleasure too."

• 

  from issue #43, Chris Soto for "Words" -- "Then there's the beauty on page 82. Spock looking out, filled with the purity of innocence and Kirk giving him one of "those" looks. I adore this piece. Soto creates such a mood with the most delicate of touches.

• 

  from issue #43, Erica Bulsara for "Dance of the Le Matya"

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 43

See reactions and reviews for Stranger than Fiction.

See reactions and reviews for The Storyteller.

See reactions and reviews for Dance of the Le Matya.

See reactions and reviews for Words.

See reactions and reviews for Secret Admirer.

[art by Chris Soto]: So many beautiful pieces in this zine from this extraordinary artist to comment on… I get to my favorite. Well, one of my favorites. I could never decide which I like best, but...the back cover is so beautiful that I know my heart is melting. Kirk and Spock asleep, entwined after having made love. This is breathtaking. But I still can't fail to mention the front cover. The realization of Admiral Kirk's face is perfection. Maybe this is my favorite. After all, look at Spock's slightly downcast eyes. And the lovely rendition of the antique sextant. Chris Soto's artwork is a gift to us.

[Love Song]: A lovely short, short story by the inimitable Kelly centering on music, clouds, and ears that taste like cinnamon and love.

Issue 44

front cover of issue #44, Shelley Butler. It is called Spock's Bouquet.

back cover of issue #44, Shelley Butler -- Love is a Rose

no frills cover of second edition

First Time 44 was published in June 1996 and contains 168 pages. Cover art by Shelley Butler. Interior art by Chris Soto. The second edition, which was published sans art, is letter-sized with comb binding.

• Captain's Log: Vaia by Kathy Stanis (Kirk and Spock beam down on a planet survey only to be taken unaware by the female inhabitants, and a drugged Kirk is forced to service the women.) (4)
• I am Left Mourning by Kathy Stanis (poem) (67)
• "November Sunshine" by Kitty Berman (After getting the Enterprise back, Kirk learns just how badly he and Spock were taken in when Kirk, confessing his loneliness and depression while Spock was gone, is told by Spock what Lori Ciani told him that made him leave.) (67)
• Pon Farr by Erato (poem) (110)
• Stalking Stars by H.R. Raidel (poem) (111)
• Correspondence by Karla Kelly (Spock and Amandaʼs correspondence to each other are affected by the arrival of Kirk as the new captain of the Enterprise.)
• The Kiss by Erato (poem) (120_
• The World Cries by Sue Cameron (poem) (121)
• The Doctor's Indiscretion by Erica Bulsara (McCoy confesses to Kirk that he secretly observed Kirk and Spock making love.) (122)
• Time Marches On by Mccoy (poem) (133)
• Their Hearts' Revenge by Shelley Butler (After TʼPring kills Stonn, she frees a Vulcan criminal in order to secure his aid in destroying Kirk and Spock, who she realizes, love each other.) (134)

• 

  inside page from issue #44, sample poem

• 

  inside page from issue #44, Chris Soto for "November Sunshine"

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  inside page from issue #44, sample text, first page of "November Sunshine"

• 

  inside page from issue #44, Shelley Butler for "The Doctor's Indiscretion" - titled Embrace

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 44

See reactions and reviews for Captain's Log: Vaia.

See reactions and reviews for Their Hearts' Revenge.

See reactions and reviews for Correspondence.

See reactions and reviews for November Sunshine.

See reactions and reviews for The Doctor's Indiscretion.

[poem: I am Left in Mourning]: Haunting and dark, this poem shows us Kirk's death in Generations from Picard's POV.

One might imagine that Picard would be aloof and removed—what does he care? But Stanis has captured some incredibly beautiful emotions as Picard mourns Kirk's passing, the loss of Kirk and Spock's love (which I love that he acknowledges) and also his own life that could never have that kind of love and passion.

Beautiful language and gorgeous images flow throughout this poem. Picard's regrets and his sorrow are beautifully expressed through a repeated phrase: "The wind is raw, my hands are raw, my heart is raw".

Totally stunning.

[art by Shelley Butler on page 129 for "The Doctor's Indiscretion"]: What a marvelous moment. This is one of those drawings so evocative, many stories it might tell, probably a different interpretation by each who looks at it. This is the drawing Carolyn S. has had for a while in her closet Kirk and Spock sitting naked front-to-front, arms and legs wrapped around each other. Perhaps this is during the very first moments they are physically together (unless you subscribe to the madly-devouring-each-other-immediately school)... very still, simply feeling the magic of just being together. Such quiet power. Spock's face in Kirk's neck; maybe even Kirk is looking down at their cocks touching. Or perhaps some kind of tantric thing is going on. Beautiful.

[art by Shelley Butler on page 129 for "The Doctor's Indiscretion"]: The original of this drawing has been one of my most prized possessions for two years now. It was the first piece of original art I ever purchased, the first piece to come out of the closet (both literally and figuratively) and be hung when I turned my married daughter’s bedroom into my writing room. It now hangs directly over my computer where I can see it every day and hopefully draw inspiration from it when I write. While the vulnerable bend of Spock’s neck no longer has the power to bring tears to my eyes as it did two years ago, it still can raise a lump to my throat, and I am constantly finding new aspects to appreciate: the play of light and shadow on Kirk’s forearm, the intricacy of raised tendons in Kirk’s hand on Spock’s back, way their faces curve into each other’s necks, the way their bodies entwine and fit together. For me this drawing embodies all the loving feelings that I read K/S for. It touches something in me deep down where my soul lives.

[zine]:

K/S times are hard, but Robin Hood manages to produce zine after zine - may she live very long and very prosper to do so in the next decades!!

Her latest zine, First Time 44, has 168 pages (no white space!), six stories, beautiful art ( Butler, Soto), poetry and breathtaking covers (Butler.)

Authors are old and new and each story is unique and worth reading.

Kathy Stanis starts with a very hot and very interesting nearly 70 pages story. Kathy Berman's (She is becoming to be one of my favorite authors!!!) Story is short but soooo wonderful (always thought Lori Ciana was a bitch...!) Karin Porter is new to me, but she's a great talent. This story more detailed written could be a novel ( great plot) A very logical idea to ask Sarek and Amanda about Pon Farr... Correspondence by Karla Kelly shows a nice exchange of letters between Spock and Amanda. The Doctor's Indiscretion by Erica Bullara is an old theme, but nicely done. And last but-not least: Shelley Butler with a breathtaking story. Wow, she can write a as beautiful as she draws, Words like poetry, a thrilling plot -- wonderful, perfect.

Issue 45

First Time 45 was published in December 1996 and contains 178 pages. The art is by Chris Soto and Kathy Stanis.

front cover issue #45, 1st edition, Chris Soto

back cover of issue #45, Soto & Stanis, 1st edition -- "I hope to know the title of this piece before the Philon awards because I happen to think it's totally gorgeous! I find it beautifully drawn, Kirk's face is particularly nice, and Spock resting on his hip is too delightful. I love its playful quality - we know that a position like that might not be possible — but that's the very thing I love about this drawing. It's so unusual and I get the feeling Kirk is almost floating. I think this back cover of Chris' is one of my favorites. Kathy Stanis is one of our wonderfully talented writers, but here she shines as a wonderfully talented artist, as well. Such a softly drawn Spock, photographic in quality, but not in emotion. I feel I can read that serious, thoughtful expression on his face! The technique is impeccable. I want to see more art from her. Please!"

cover of issue #45, second edition

The editor includes her email address with the note: "If you're not on, why not???"

• When Rain Comes by Andi Lenor (Kirk and Spock are drawn closer together as the 5 year mission continues, but when Kirk almost dies when the command chair explodes during a battle, Spock realizes that they could have a future together.) It was the winner of a Philon Award. (4)
• Male Bonding by Katie O'Doul (Spock agrees to go camping with Kirk and McCoy after overhearing Kirk make mention of “male-bonding”.) (46)
• On Which to Build by Rosemarie Heaton (On a diplomatic mission, Spock is raped when he and Kirk are attacked by a roving band of thugs and later, Spock is taken to Vulcan where he has no contact with Kirk until VʼGer.) (64)
• Star Scar, poem by H.R. Radei (91)
• Baby by Michele Arvizu (Spock is called to Vulcan to answer questions regarding his plans for his next pon farr while he and Kirk decide if their own future will be apart or together.) (92)
• The Tree, poem by H.R. Radei (140)
• Sky Walker, poem by H.R. Radei (141)
• Quirk of Fate by Kathy Stanis (While on shoreleave, Spock has visits from Q, who wants Spock to confess and become lovers with Kirk so that, in the future, Q can use them as an example to convince Picard to become his lover.) (crossover with Star Trek: TNG) (142)
• Letter from an Editor, poem by Karla Kelly (inside back cover)

• 

  from issue #45, sample title page and text

• 

  from issue #45, sample poem and clip art

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  from issue #45, art by Kathy Stanis on page 9, Wondering for the story When Rain Comes: "Wow! I really love this portrait of Spock. Perfectly executed, it captures that wonderful look of consternation that comes over our Vulcan’s face when he is trying to figure out some human idiosyncrasy or has some other equally weighty problem to solve. I can almost see the wheels spinning fast and furiously in that elegant head! Beautifully done! "
  
  "Strength and character. One of the best Spock's ever."

• 

  inside page from issue #45, Chris Soto, for "Baby"

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 45

See reactions and reviews for Quirk of Fate.

See reactions and reviews for Baby.

See reactions and reviews for On Which to Build.

See reactions and reviews for Male Bonding.

See reactions and reviews for When Rain Comes.

Issue 46

First Time 46 was published in 1997 and contains 166 pages. The first edition is perfect bound with glossy front and back covers by Shelley Butler and interior art by Nefertari and Chris Soto.

front cover #46, Shelley Butler, titled The Moon and Stars

back cover #46, Shelley Butler, see comments for Pieta, winner of a STIFfie Award)

The front cover won a 1997 STIFfie/1997_Awards.

From the editorial:

My printer, after 12 years is speaking less and less English, and I and my controversial zines have been thrown out of one print shop in the area.

The editor notes that this zine was coming out shortly before Shore Leave, but she makes no mention of the recent passing of Chris Soto.

• • The Power of Suggestion, a Star Trek: TOS story by Dana Austin Marsh (After rejecting the advances of a stranger, Kirk returns to his and Spockʼs hotel room and during the night, somehow is made to erroneously believe that he and Spock are lovers.) (4)
• Once Broken by Robin Hood (poem) (21)
• Egyptian Dreams by Nefertari (art by Nefertari) (Kirk dreams of a pharaoh with pointed ears.) (22)
• A Doctor's Tale by Corey Fauer (McCoy notices that Kirk is jealous when a visiting female diplomat start paying too much attention to Spock.) (25)
• Together by Sharon Travis (poem) (59)
• The Deltan Dilemma by Karin Porter (art by Shelley Butler) (Ordered to transport a delegation of Deltans, including two just reaching sexual maturity, Spock strengthens the link he and Kirk already have in order to help Kirk control his reaction to the Deltan pheromones.) (29)
• Wondering, poem by Sharon Travis (59a)
• After the Rain by Paris Vautrain (After a bad landing party experience, McCoy orders Kirk and Spock to take shore-leave together in order to deal with Kirkʼs lingering anger toward Spockʼs part in dealing with Gary Mitchell.) (60)
• Reaching Eden by Kathy Stanis, art by Shelley Butler (Spock is accidentally given a mind-altering drug that causes him to go to Kirkʼs cabin in order to confess his feelings for him.) (80)
• Medical Treatment, poem by Sharon Travis (95)
• Fascinating Art by Nefertari (A two-pager with Kirk and Spock discussing zines, gay love and K/S.) (96)
• On Being a Starship Captain, poem by Sharon Travis (97)
• Fruits And Nuts by Jenna Hilary Sinclair (Kirk and Spock come together over shared nuts.)
• Just Desserts by Scott Hunter (art by Chris Soto]] (Kirk and McCoy try to keep Spock in the dark about an award he is about to receive by telling him that they are on their way to Vulcan so McCoy can be presented an award.) (98)
• The Doctor's Problem by Robin Hood (poem) (123)
• Need by Erato (poem) (123)
• Into the Light by Cordelia Naismith (As they wait to be rescued from a pit, Spock thinks back on the last time he and Kirk were in a similar situation and discovers that things werenʼt quite as he remembers them.) (124)
• Dreams by Erato (poem) (133)
• Untouched by Shelley Butler (art by Chris Soto) (When Kirk and Mitchell are posted to the Enterprise, Spock realizes that Mitchell was his last client as a prostitute while at the Academy and though Mitchell now wants to resume a relationship, Spock finds himself falling in love with Kirk.) (134)

• 

  from issue #46, Shelley Butler, see comments about Star Dreamer (mistakenly attributed to Chris Soto in the table of contents)

• 

  from issue #46, Shelley Butler

• 

  from issue #46, Chris Soto

• 

  from issue #46, Chris Soto - from a fan: "So fine. An about-to-be kiss frozen in time. A promise not yet kept. The faces are perfect. Not like a photograph. Better than a photograph. Kirk's especially holds more feeling that a camera can usually manage to show. Certainly a vision on which to expend long moments absorbing the love and devotion and daydreaming to your heart's content."

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 46

See reactions and reviews for The Power of Suggestion.

See reactions and reviews for Reaching Eden.

See reactions and reviews for After the Rain.

See reactions and reviews for Untouched.

See reactions and reviews for The Deltan Dilemma.

See reactions and reviews for A Doctor's Tale.

See reactions and reviews for Fascinating Art.

See reactions and reviews for Fruits and Nuts.

See reactions and reviews for Just Desserts.

See reactions and reviews for Into the Light.

See reactions and reviews for Egyptian Dreams.

[front and back covers]: Shelley Butler did both covers and two interior pieces (81a and 148a) in First Time 46. 81a is a pensive Spock, head and shoulders. 148a (which goes with a story by Butler) is Kirk. These two pictures could be a set. The front cover is Kirk clutching Spock’s hand, and Spock is lying down—either asleep or ill or resting. It is the back cover, Shelley’s version of the Pieta, that is the most magnificent piece of the zine. The only reason I can figure out why it’s not on the cover is that Robin Hood may be wanting to go for less explicit front covers. As Shelley has said before, the Kirk lying on Spock’s lap is NOT dead, nor dying. The men are nude, but Kirk is draped with a cloth. Kirk is especially well drawn in this.

[front and back covers]: For a long time, Shelley’s wonderful picture Pieta (where Kirk is not dead!) stood in solitary splendor. But then Robin asked for a companion piece for First Time 46 covers, and The Moon and the Stars was born. Now it’s hard for me to look at one without seeing the other, and so I’m commenting on them together. The fine detail work on each picture is incredible, but especially so on Pieta. The drape of the cloth over Kirk’s groin, and on the floor before both figures is perfect. There’s so much texture to this picture! Kirk’s arm hangs almost-but-not-quite lifelessly, (now that I really look, I begin to see the cues of life) and I especially like the bulge of his tendons/veins in that hanging arm. I am definitely not a fan of too much musculature in my K/S art, but this seems perfect, a result of gravity pulling the blood down. Likewise, there does seem to be a little bit of tension in Kirk’s right arm, and in the way his legs are arranged. (Okay, I’m convinced!)

The look on Spock’s face seems full of anticipation, and reminds me of that great Southern Cross picture that was sold at Shore Leave last year, when Kirk is extending his arm to draw life from the statue from which Spock is emerging. This is not sorrow, but a gathering of power. Also reminds me of that story reprinted in Impact by Leslie Fish, Sorcerer, where Spock brings Kirk back from death. The impression I get from Pieta is that Spock is preparing to infuse the man in his lap with something great, mysterious, and ultimately very powerful. Dare I call it by its name? Love.

The Moon and the Stars is a subtle reverse image of Pieta, and that shows Shelley’s growth as an artist. It’s so great to be presented with covers that are far more than the standard portrait. Here is a story that’s told, a complex work that can be understood on several different levels. In this picture it is Kirk who is aware, holding Spock’s hand. Spock appears to be either asleep or in a trance, the equivalent of the helplessness of Kirk’s form on the back cover. From the coveralls he’s wearing, reminiscent of those worn in sickbay, I vote for the trance. His eyes are closed, his face expressionless, but take a look at his hand that is clutching at Kirk’s. There’s a great deal of life in that desperate, tight grasp, an intriguing counterpoint to the silence of his face and body.

And look at the way Kirk’s body is leaning, arcing over towards Spock’s recumbent form, a thematic repetition of the clasped hands. But then Shelley introduces mystery in the picture. Where I would have expected Kirk’s face and head to follow the curve of his body, hovering anxiously over Spock, instead his face is turned away. He’s looking away from Spock. His expression is almost-but-not-quite troubled. (How do artists do that?) Is he ready for what might happen? Can life pass from him to Spock?

I see the artist’s answer in the arc of moons, stars, ribbons and lace that stretches from Kirk’s head, even though it’s turned away, to Spock’s head, even though he’s deep in the trance. This is a tale of the inevitable currents of life. Again, something great, mysterious and ultimately very powerful is going on here, almost without Kirk and Spock’s conscious participation.

With both pictures, Shelley taps into something subtle: the running deep river of emotion, of psychic energy, of destiny that unites two men. What binds them is beyond the ordinary, beyond a common definition of love or affinity. Both Pieta and The Moon and the Stars are windows to the transcendence of love in K/S, and I love them together. They’re a real treat from a thoughtful artist.

Issue 47

front cover of issue #47, Shelley Butler see comments for Reclining Spock

back cover of issue #47, Shelley Butler, see comments for Baby Kirk (Reclining Kirk)

First Time 47 was published in 1998 and contains 167 pages.

• Getting What You Wished For by Dana Austin Marsh ("Unable to go through with the farce of being with “Kirk” on the shoreleave planet, Spock returns to the ship determined to tell Kirk of his love after watching the construct of his captain die.") (4)
• Impossible by Nefertari (PWP) (18)
• The Watcher by Paris Vautrain ("Spock stays on the sidelines, waiting for Kirk to finally realize what it is he really feels for his first officer.") (20)
• Risk Worth Taking by Deanna Gray ("After Spock almost dies when retrieving information on the giant “amoeba,” Kirk finally gets the courage to confess his feelings to him.") (40)
• Carnival Night by Corey Fauer ("McCoy is sure that the carnival taking place on the Enterprise is the perfect time to pull a prank on the captain and first officer.") (56)
• From The Heart by Jenna Hilary Sinclair ("After VʼGer, Kirk struggles with the realization of what he feels for Spock and how to go about telling his friend of them.") (68)
• Control by Nefertari (p. 78-80) (PWP) (78)
• Kaliffee by Ray Newton and Fiona James ("Spock takes refuge in the desert rather than force a bond on Kirk when the two of them and a security guard are on a survey mission.") (82)
• Don Juan Kirk by Heidi M. ("Kirkʼs fantasies on Valentineʼs Day.") (98)
• Song of the Lea by Karen Dates ("Kirk is presumed dead when the shuttle he is piloting crashes onto a water world and his bond to Spock is blocked.") (102)
• From Rags To Riches by Dana Austin Marsh / Phaedra Morgan ("Kirk sues the scandal sheet that has been running stories with a slightly slanted take on the Enterpriseʼs missions, which all inply that he is using the ship to further his sexual conquests.") (154)

• 

  from issue #47, Linda Wan -- "Wow! Linda, I didn't know you were an artist. A new artist -- yeah! You know we want more. This is a lovely Spock in tuxedo, from the thigh up. What a handsome, dashing figure he is. So easy to imagine a K/S scenario with this. (I don't know if the drawing fits into the story it's printed in; I haven't read it yet.) A fine drawing, beautiful dark pencil work, with lovely texture and lighting. And I love the way he's got his hand in his pocket. (Can't resist: Is that your hand in your pocket or....?)"

• 

  from issue #47, Chris Soto -- "Chris Soto has a Kirk and Spock on page 28a. It's dated '94 and is only faces with Kirk looking to the left and Spock to the right. Kirk is better captured and his expression is wistfully sad or regretful. Very nice — especially the Kirk. [The editor responds: "As a tribute to Chris—in the past, she and I would often discuss titles of her artwork — I'd like to name her untitled art. So "Together" is what this piece said to me."] However, when this illustration won a Philon Award, it was titled "Looking Outward".

• 

  from issue #47, Shelley Butler -- see comments for Concern

• 

  from issue #47: "cheesy magicians" from the story "Carnival Night" -- "I don't like computer art, or clip art, or whatever it's called. It's distracting, silly, and gives the zines using it a decided amateurish look—in my humble opinion. FT47 has lovely covers and some good interior art so it hardly needs "artisic parsley". I can see perhaps having something garnish the titles, but that's it. The puzzle with "Kalifee" isn't obnoxious, but interrupting the stories with these supposedly artistic ink blobs, is. The nadir for me were the cheesy magicians for "Carnival Night". I know the story is intentionally silly, but I resented the graphics which do not enlighten the story and only serve to waste space."

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 47

See reactions and reviews for Don Juan Kirk.

See reactions and reviews for Mission Impossible.

See reactions and reviews for Risk Worth Taking.

See reactions and reviews for Kaliffee

See reactions and reviews for From the Heart

See reactions and reviews for Song of the Lea.

See reactions and reviews for Carnival Night.

See reactions and reviews for The Watcher.

See reactions and reviews for From Rags to Riches.

See reactions and reviews for Control.

See reactions and reviews for Getting What You Wished For.

[art]: I don't like computer art, or clip art, or whatever it's called. It's distracting, silly, and gives the zines using it a decided amateurish look—in my humble opinion. FT47 has lovely covers and some good interior art so it hardly needs "artisic parsley". I can see perhaps having something garnish the titles, but that's it. The puzzle with "Kalifee" isn't obnoxious, but interrupting the stories with these supposedly artistic ink blobs, is. The nadir for me were the cheesy magicians for "Carnival Night". I know the story is intentionally silly, but I resented the graphics which do not enlighten the story and only serve to waste space. On page 86, we have a mountain. Perhaps a volcano? Or a huge sand dune? According to the text, they are in a desert that has dips and lots of rocks, though how big these are is not said. So here I am wondering why the hell there's a big sorta mountain taking up % of the page.

[art]: Shelley Butler has three nice pieces in this zine. The interior art, "Concern" shows Kirk holding Spock with only Kirk's face partially showing. They are clothed. The front cover, "Reclining Spock" is a uniformed Spock looking pensive. The back cover, "Baby Kirk" is a nude Kirk that is divine. The Kirk is the best of the lot, but since I am a Kirk fan, I am definitely prejudiced. This nude is chaste with nothing important showing but a curved buttock. The face is very realistically drawn. So, ladies, you gotta order this now. There's not much art in this zine, but what there is, you definitely want.

Issue 48

front cover #48, DEW

cover of issue #48, DEW -- "Both covers are by Dew. The front Spock is okay — the back Kirk is very nice. The Kirk face is very good, and so is the rest of the package. Full frontal nudity…very upstanding full frontal nudity. My only quibble is Kirk is too thin-waisted. We can put some meat at the waist, and he’s still sexy."

First Time 48 was published in 1998 and contains 162 pages. It has interior art by by Shelley Butler, Susan Sicafoosh, and Pat Horowitz.

• Paradise Regained by Taliesine (Kirk discovers his desire for Spock when he see him about to make love to Leila on Omicron Ceti 3 and does whatever it takes to stop him.)
• Life's Rich Pallette, poem by H.R. Radei (29)
• Fascinating Art Deux by Nefertari (A two-pager with Kirk and Spock discussing zines, gay love and K/S. A sequel to Fascinating Art in issue #46) (30)
• Games by T'Rhys (Tired of waiting for his lover to “go all the way”, Spock decides to take matters in his own hands and seduce Kirk into it.) (32)
• The Topic by Nefertari ("In and Out” [the movie] revisited.) (36)
• Hear Ye, Here Ye!, poem by Robin Hood (47)
• Soul Keeper by Deanna Gray (While Spock is away with the young Saavik, Kirk fights his resentment for Spock leaving again so soon after Gol and VʼGer, something they then have to deal with when Spock returns.) (48)
• Down and Out and Under the Table by Jenna Hilary Sinclair (After a party on board ship, a drunken McCoy sees Kirk and Spock kiss and almost make love as he lies under the table.) (left out of the table of contents) (64)
• The Lone Helmsman, poem by Mary Garrett (78)
• The Visitor, poem by Mary Garrett (79)
• Clueless by Karen Dates (On a diplomatic mission with Sarek and Amanda, Kirk is subjected to unwanted advances by the overbearing inhabitants, which helps to create a smokescreen for Kirkʼs real mission.) (80)
• The Confession by Malia Torm (After VʼGer, Kirk and Spock confess to the unhappiness both felt during their years apart.) (100)
• First Time, poem by Susan Sicafoosh (left out of the table of contents) (107)
• Starscraper Soul by Susan Sicafoosh (Spock allows Kirk to read an old log entry from his academy days in hopes that it will be the catalyst that brings them together as lovers.) (108)
• The Bloom, uncredited poem (left out of the table of contents) (116)
• McCoy's Lament, uncredited poem (left out of the table of contents) (117)
• The Ultimate Vulcan by Kathy Stanis (After the debacle with M5, Spock sets up a shore leave for himself and Kirk at an isolated cabin with plans to make Kirk his lover.) (118)
• Emotions, poem by Mary Garrett (135)
• The Portrait, the Sandals, and the Secret by Scott Hunter (A native of a new contact planet recalls how Kirk and Spockʼs visit to his planet became the stuff of legend.) (136)
• The Secret, poem by Robin Hood (162)
• Through the Rushes, poem by Susan Sicafoosh (referred to as "inside back cover" in the the table of contents) (163)

• 

  from issue #48, illo by Pat Horowitz

• 

  from issue #48, sample text and illo, illo by Susan Sicafoosh

• 

  from issue #48, Shelley Butler - see comments for Spock in Ropes

• 

  from issue #48, sample text

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 48

See reactions and reviews for Paradise Regained.

See reactions and reviews for Fascinating Art Deux.

See reactions and reviews for Games.

See reactions and reviews for The Topic.

See reactions and reviews for Soul Keeper.

See reactions and reviews for The Confession.

See reactions and reviews for Starscraper Soul.

See reactions and reviews for The Ultimate Vulcan.

See reactions and reviews for Down and Out and Under the Table.

See reactions and reviews for The Portrait, the Sandals, and the Secret.

See reactions and reviews for Clueless.

[art]: There are three pieces of art in the zine that accompany poetry by Mary Garrett. These are older art by Pat Horowitz who has not been one of my favorite artists, but these three small faces are good. There are two Sareks and one Spock, and the Spock on page 78 is especially intriguing. It’s a very young Spock, hauntingly handsome.

Page 160B is a Shelley Butler Spock in ropes. Very nice. I only wish there was a matching Butler Kirk somewhere. And I would be terribly miffed if I paid full price for this zine and this art wasn’t in it.

Both covers are by Dew. The front Spock is okay — the back Kirk is very nice. The Kirk face is very good, and so is the rest of the package. Full frontal nudity...very upstanding full frontal nudity. My only quibble is Kirk is too thin-waisted. We can put some meat at the waist, and he’s still sexy—plus it’s more natural.

[Fascinating Art Deux]: ��m sorry, but any story that has a mention of an Ensign Sinclair and an Ensign Butler is a story of sheer brilliance.

Actually, it's a really cute two-pager of Spock discussing zines, gay love and K/S!

That sounds just fine with me!

Issue 49

front cover of issue #49, Shelley Butler -- see comments for In His Thoughts

back cover of issue #49, Shelley Butler, see comments for Happy Spock

First Time 49 was published in January 1999 and contains 172 pages. Covers by Shelley Butler. Interior art by Terri Rett, Kathy Stanis, and KWATA.

• In Name Only by Dana Austin Marsh (winner of a Silver Philon Award) (In order to keep Spock from being transferred, Kirk talks him into getting married “in name only”, unaware that Spock is in love with him.) (4)
• My Kinda Guy, poem by Robin Hood (37)
• Dust and Sadness by C. Joy (reviewed in the letterzine K/S Press, here ) (After McCoy realizes the depth of Kirkʼs loneliness and despair even with Spockʼs return from Gol, he prods Spock into going to Kirk and telling him of his love.) (38)
• Off-Scent by Karin Porter (Spock is avoiding Kirk after they beam up from the Rome-like “Earth” and Kirk finally realizes that itʼs Drusillaʼs scent on him that upset the Vulcan.) (56)
• One Last Voyage by Rosemarie Heaton (Kirk looks for Spock after driving him away when his frustration over their not becoming lovers again after VʼGer erupts into anger.) (66)
• Humanizing Influences by T'rhys ("You know Spock, I'm usually pretty quick but you've lost me here. Even if I am wearing only a bathrobe, how does my giving you a birthday present get to meaning I've propositioned you?" "It was not in the giving of the gift but in what was given." "What do you mean? Vulcans proposition people by giving them IDIC jewelry?" "Essentially correct.") (70)
• Let Me Show You by Rosemarie Heaton, art by Terri Rett (Before returning to Genesis for Spockʼs body, Kirk watches a disc recorded by Spock the night after Kirk seduced him only to beam down to Flintʼs planet and fall for Rayna.) (72)
• The Beamdown, poem by Robin Hood, with art by Kathy Stanis (85)
• Butterfly Morning by Malia Storm (86)
• The Deep End Of Emotion by Dana Austin Marsh (After Kirk help Spock thru pon farr they decide to go back to a platonic relationship, only to have their mutual love for each other gradually draw them together.) (88)
• Sighs, poem (109)
• Intermission by Cordelia Naismith (Spock runs into Kirk during intermission while at a concert and an understanding is reached between then in time for them to leave before the concert restarts.) (110)
• How Far Apart, poem by Tevye (123)
• The Unlucky Birthday by Fiona James (Kirkʼs mother thinks it unlucky that he was born on Sunday, but events, and Spock, eventually prove her wrong.) (124)
• Transparent by Deanna Gray (Spock becomes invisible when caught in an explosion during at a lab experiment and is blackmailed by Intelligence to stay with them by threatening Kirkʼs career.) (130)

• 

  from issue #49, poem by Robin Hood, art by Kathy Stanis -- "Ah, Errand of Mercy! And those glorious outfits. Ms. Stanis captures them in soft tones of gray, evoking thoughts of a memory treasured. When you read the words of Robin's poem it all becomes clear. For once Kirk did not see Spock as an officer, but as a man. And, she says, "The definition was desire." Very provocative thoughts to accompany a dreamy image."
  
  "this is an early piece of artwork by Kathy. And even though it reproduced a little pale, it still shows the skill and quality that she puts into all of her artwork. I love those Organian outfits and how they stand close and look at each other. Also another good example of how background adds to a drawing and I love how Kirk’s hand rests lightly on the table."

• 

  from issue #49, title page, sample text

• 

  from issue #49, Terri Rett for "Let Me Show You"

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 49

See reactions and reviews for Dust and Sadness.

See reactions and reviews for In Name Only.

See reactions and reviews for Off-Scent.

See reactions and reviews for One Last Voyage.

See reactions and reviews for Let Me Show You.

See reactions and reviews for The Deep End of Emotion.

See reactions and reviews for Intermission.

See reactions and reviews for The Unlucky Birthday.

See reactions and reviews for Transparent.

See reactions and reviews for Humanizing Influences.

See reactions and reviews for Butterfly Morning.

[cover art]: The front cover is "Banded by Roses." Beautiful, beautiful Spock in foreground thinking of Kirk, the smaller background figure. Being in STTMP uniforms, it's the slightly older Kirk and Spock, the characters with even more depth to their relationship, so we feel this depth in Spock's contemplation; and besides, they both look gorgeous. Spock's hands are steepled—we always love seeing his hands. And the flowers Shelley loves to surround them with. And the back, "Naked Love," well, this is probably what the Spock on the front is really thinking about, being naked being kissed by naked Kirk. Fully frontally naked, Spock is—a gorgeous sight.

[art and poetry, see her reviews of fiction on their individual pages]: First Time 49 is nothing less than a classic in the making. It is filled from gracious front cover to glorious back cover with all manner of fine reading. There is humor and drama, anxiety and lightheartedness, romance and passion of the most erotic nature. The collection of authors and styles is a potpourri brimming with K/S treasures.

"Captain Spock Dreams" Front cover by Shelley Butler. How could anyone resist a zine that begins with a cover like this? There are flowers and Kirk and Spock resplendent in uniforms from The Motion Picture, all with that enviable trademark Shelley Butler realism! Kirk's eyes are alight—no doubt with wonder at seeing Spock again. His expression is dreamy and preoccupied and his masculine beauty must surely reflect how he is seen in Spock's eyes. Spock is wonderfully drawn. He is thoughtful, but their reunion has erased the lines of Gol from his face. Shelley has left him with a ghost of a frown as he ponders all that has happened. His beautiful and talented hands are steepled in front of him as he contemplates his future with Jim once again at his side. A stunning rendition that no fan of TMP would dare miss.

"Happy Spock" Back cover by Shelley Butler. Ah, looking at the innocence of the front cover, I was ready to proceed to the living room with my zine for a rainy afternoon's pleasure. Then I flipped it over. Ms. Butler has been naughty! Spock has an erection that fairly shouts his desire for his human. And no wonder! That same Human's lips are caressing his Vulcan smile. A human whose fingers have just found a hard Vulcan nipple. Very erotic and exciting! These bodies are magnificent, strong and muscular, yet the pose shouts sensitivity and tenderness. Once more something we have come to expect from this skilled artist. Kirk's lower half fades into the leafy border, depriving us of seeing a matching display of desire, but that's ok, his hands and lips say it all. I know when I slip a discreet cover over my zine Spock is going to turn the quarter turn that will bring him fully into Jim's arms. And that magnificent penis will slip into the welcoming warmth it seeks. Shelley's art truly speaks volumes and this is an impressive volume indeed.

MY KINDA GUY—Poem by Robin Hood. A sweet little ditty that says name doesn't matter and Sehlat's might fly, but that also matters little since "you're my kinda guy". A cute expression of love between "our" guys.

THE BEAMDOWN—Poem by Robin Hood, Art by Kathy Stanis. Ah, Errand of Mercy! And those glorious outfits. Ms. Stanis captures them in soft tones of gray, evoking thoughts of a memory treasured. When you read the words of Robin's poem it all becomes clear. For once Kirk did not see Spock as an officer, but as a man. And, she says, "The definition was desire." Very provocative thoughts to accompany a dreamy image.

BUTTERFLY MORNING by Iris Erikson. This is not so much a short story as it is a painting with words. It is Kirk describing Spock as he wakes up with the Vulcan at his side. Every beautiful inch of him is explored, from "artfully pointed ear" to more exotic places.

ART (Page 88) by Kwata. This is a sensual pencil (I think) drawing of Kirk resting his cheek against the back of Spock's neck. Whether I have described the medium correctly or not, the look of peace and satisfaction on both their faces is obvious. Kirk looks a bit more feminine than I prefer, but nonetheless, the serenity of the moment is captured for all to see.

SIGHS— Poem by tevye. I read this to be Kirk revealing his thoughts as Spock has left for Gol. It begins "Tonight I'll go to bed and hug the loneliness" and takes us along as Kirk examines why he let it happen. Because he was too proud to reveal his feelings. It ends with something akin to a desperate prayer, "...just let me make it somehow through yet another lonely night." Very moving and thought provoking.

TOO FAR APART— Poem by tevye. This is a poem that speaks of loneliness and longing. It could apply to anyone, but I can see it fitting Kirk and Spock, especially as their careers separate them more than they would like. In later years, I believe. As the author says, they are "counting the days" until life brings them together again.

CLOSING POEM by Robin Hood. Transparency is again the topic of these closing words. She flawlessly captures the signal moments of the story "Transparent". "Transparent he came, unseen, but never unfelt". The love is revealed in these few short words, and the zine comes to a close reminding us in Robin's words, "...if he loves me in return, (it is) more than enough."

[art by Terri Rett]: These are in Terri's striking, rich ink work—really nice. She does good body language, too. Very expressive figures. This is ST4 times or thereabouts, that wonderful red cross-over tunic of Kirk's. He and Spock are walking the corridor of the ship. An off-duty casual air, very much just the two of them. They seem so tuned in to each other, Kirk talking about something knowing Spock is really hearing him...and it seems Spock has an almost-smile.

[art by Terri Rett]: This is a lovely rendition of Kirk and Spock walking down the corridor of Deck 5, on their way to their joint quarters for a night of passion perhaps? Kirk, hands in pockets, is relaxed, intently saying something to Spock who has turned his head to listen. Done in pen and ink, this technique of...is it cross-hatching?...looks to be extremely difficult and painstakingly intricate to do. It’s amazing how much texture the artist has managed to achieve; the shine of Spock’s hair, the thickness of the uniforms, the crisp folds of Kirk’s shirt. All are done very well. Nice work, Terri. I want more!

[art by Terri Rett]: I just love this pen and ink drawing of Kirk and Spock from Star Trek VI as they walk down the corridor together. Kirk’s gesture of his hands in his pockets is so perfect and Spock looks outward in his regal manner. But I especially like how the drawing is fully realized—with the entire environment shown. Really nice.

[art by Kwata]: A beautiful moment as Kirk rests on the back of Spock’s neck and closes his eyes. So softly rendered—one gets the feeling of quietness and softness. I love Spock’s elegant long neck and Kirk’s errant lock of hair. Also, this is the perfect drawing to go with the story “Butterfly Morning”.

[art by Kathy Stanis]: Paired with a Robin Hood poem, this is an early piece of artwork by Kathy. And even though it reproduced a little pale, it still shows the skill and quality that she puts into all of her artwork. I love those Organian outfits and how they stand close and look at each other. Also another good example of how background adds to a drawing and I love how Kirk’s hand rests lightly on the table. And the most perfect title!

Issue 50

front cover #50 -- "The covers to FT 50 are a collage of covers of older issues, highlighted by a new color piece by long time GREAT artist Caren Parnes. Well, maybe it's not new, but I haven't seen it before. I can't read the date on it. It's a color Kirk and Spock that anyone would love to own a print of. It's gen, but who cares? On the front, the former covers celebrated are from First Time 1--[Gayle F]; FT 27--Marilyn Cole; FT 42--Shelley Butler; and FT 45--the late great Chris Soto."

"First Time 50 features a truly lovely collection of eight previous First Time covers (by Butler, Cole, Deeb, DEW, [Gayle F], Parnes, and Soto), reduced from their original size and attractively arranged on both the front and back covers. The front cover also includes a wonderful new color portrait by Caren Parnes. This is a great opportunity to compare and admire the various artists’ styles and to enjoy some of the very best K/S art all in one place. Also, it’s fun to see the familiar portraits juxtaposed with one another and to reinterpret them in their new` context. On the back cover, for example, there is a DEW portrait of a young, smiling Kirk, looking about as he would have when he first took over command of the Enterprise. Right next to it there is a Butler portrait of Spock from a time period perhaps a year or two later. Spock is turned toward the young Kirk, so it’s easy to imagine that he’s looking back in time, remembering what Kirk looked like the very first time he saw him."

"Caren Parnes, another classic Trek zine artist. Color pencil art showing a barechested Kirk sitting with his shirt draped over his shoulders, and Spock (fully-dressed) seated behind him, a hand reaching to touch his captain's back. I like to imagine they're in the locker room and just got dressed after taking a post-workout joint shower :-D The rendition of Kirk is one of the absolute best I've seen; I am especially fascinated by the smoothness of his skin and the velvety texture of his shirt. Spock is not quite as defined, as if he was a bit out-focus , but still beautifully drawn."

back cover of issue #50 -- "On the back are celebrated these: FT 6-- Parnes; FT 28--DEW; FT 37--Deeb; and FT 47-- Butler. Overall, there's a pretty even mix between the two guys, though Spock does come out one ahead."

First Time 50 was published in December 1999 and contains 227 pages. It has a cover by Caren Parnes. Other art by Shelley Butler, G.E. Mills, GOS, Liz Woledge, Nefertari, Chris Soto and I.M. Mueller. The editor notes that it cost between $700 and $800 to produce.

The second edition without the art was published in March 2001.

From the editorial:

…yes, there truly was only going to be one issue. A zine that would be all happy endings (had just read NOME 6 and after throwing it across the room) and no continued stories (sic), a tad more compact (sic): IE white space) and a bit easier to lift (sic). Yes as a matter of fact I am a lazy shit, and I do like my K/S happy and all there! I'm also an instant gratification baby and don't want to wait (sometimes years, sometimes never) for my story's ending! What's wrong with that?

• Welcome Home by S.R. Benjamin Art by Chris Soto. (Scotty decides to leave the Enterprise after accidentally discovering that Kirk and Spock are lovers. Prequel: Officerʼs Row. ("The captain is grabbing Spock's shoulders, and Spock throws his head back, eyes closed, and strains against the body below his. I get the bolt tight in the rim seal bolt hole, and sealant spurts out.") (4)
• Dreams and Reality, poem by Heidi Manzone (9)
• Tomorrow Never Comes by Rosemarie Heaton (After their run in with the giant “amoeba”, Kirk and Spock become lovers, though Spock is unable to give himself totally at this time. "'S'okay, Spock, old boy. I'll leave you to your beauty sleep.' He started to turn away, then said, 'Oh, there is one more thing.' Spock felt every muscle in his back tighten. 'And that is?' he asked. 'If you've decided to take in laundry, you ought to be very careful not to mix the colors.'") (10)
• Before and After, poem by Wan Ling (20)
• Interview by Karla Kelly. (Spockʼs answers to an interview are different from his thoughts. "Skin to skin, buttocks pressed against my genitals, my hand caressing his chest in the aftermath of our loving.") (21)
• Things That Go Bump by Corey Fauer (Spock and McCoy accompany Kirk to check out the old house Kirk has inherited and get a few surprises while there. "'Don't you think it would be a good idea if we all slept in the same room?' McCoy asked hopefully. 'Doctor, I have heard you snore at night. Even rattling chains and ghostly screams would be preferable.' 'Very funny, mister hobgoblin. Just because you fit right in here.'") (22)
• Personal Endeavor by Amanda Fox (novella) (a complete novel). Art by Nefertari and Marianne Mueller (After confessing their feelings for each other as they reunite from the separation caused by Kirkʼs fear and anger, Spockʼs mind is attacked during a Romulan raid.) (30)
• Magic, poem by Tevye (128)
• Star Colt, poem by Robin Hood (129)
• Lonely, poem by Tevye (131)
• You and I, poem by Tevye (132)
• Shore Leave Greetings by Mary Ellen Fisher. Art by GOS. (Kirk writes a note to Spock while he is on shoreleave, a note he fears he will probably never have the courage to send. "I'm missing you. Do you think of me?'") (130)
• Travelog by Karla Kelly (Two reporters on the tourist beat try to get an interview fron Kirk and Spock who are staying together in one of the luxury suites at a starbase. "Below us we can see one such happy couple now. Or is it? It is! It's Captain Kirk and Commander Spock.'") (132)
• Q&A, poem by Heidi Manzone (135)
• Secrets by Mary Ellen Fisher. Art by Liz. (While on shoreleave, Kirk has a holograph commissioned of a nude Spock, to be kept hidden as is his desire for Spock. "It was like life itself. His friend in one of the most erotic poses imaginable. The sight let his body repsond immediately and brought a blush to his face.'") (136)
• The Unexpected Gift by Heidi M.. Art by Shelley Butler. (Spock accompanies Uhura on a shopping expedition but when each has a package delivered to the ship, the accidental switching of them gives Spock what he has most desired "The captain opened his mouth. Closed it. Opened it and closed it, cleared his throat and began slowly, haltingly. 'I recieved your gift, Spock. I don't know what to say.'") (148)
• The Return, poem by Anonymous (153)
• Ghosts by C. Joy. (Kirk and the landing party are captured after beaming down to a planet dressed to fit into the cultural castes there and Kirk is drugged and forced to relive his fears and his “truths”. "Tell me what you fear.' 'I fear the death of all I love.'") (154)
• Into the Light, poem by Tevye (177)
• Too Late, poem by Tevye (177)
• Forget by Kathy Stanis. Art by G.E. Mills. (On shoreleave together, Spock finally confesses to Kirk about the memories he removed of Rayna. "Not the time to tell him. Not when he's thinking about Vulcan warriors. Not when he walks so close, their steps in perfect rhythm... and the breeze carries his scent, plays with the silky fabric of his shirt, slips inside and teases his skin.") (178)
• Our Garden, poem by Tevye (193)
• The Bounds of Friendship by Elizabeth Scott. Art by Liz. (Kirk accompanies Spock as Spock acquires a paid companion for pon farr, but knowing that itʼs him Spock really wants, Kirk finally decides that he is willing to pay the price for the friend he loves. "'Therefore,' Spock said softly noting the near-terror in the large hazel eyes, 'you must be unreachable when the fever becomes uncontrollable. Of course, I would restrain myself in so far as I am able.'") (194)
• World's Embrace by S.R. Benjamin. Art by GOS. (Kirk is at a captainʼs conference when Spock, going into pon farr, comes to his bondmate. "'I am awed and shaken, sir. What Vulcans must endure. But I made him a promise, and I intend to keep it. It isn't that what love is all about?") (202)
• A Star Guide To Her, poem by Robin Hood (209)
• Atlantis Stars by Deanna Gray. Art by Marianne Mueller. (Kirk and Spock visit an underwater installation where Kirk realizes his desire for Spock after accidentally seeing the commander of the base with his male lover. "'And leave you here?' Kirk considered it. 'Swim there, get another suite and tank and swim back. You'd be....' He stared in horror. 'I would be dead.'") (210)
• Deep Water by Jenna Hilary Sinclair. Art by Shelley Butler. (While going through Starfleetʼs new medical process to combat the Klingon mindsifter, Kirk begins to realize that he and Spock have been under mental control for the last weeks. 'But whoever or whatever he is, Hanek'kan has been messing with my mind and the mind of my first officer.' A pure shot of anger squeezed his chest at the thought of anyone invading the sanctuary of Spock's mind, or witnessing his own private desires for his first officer…") (240)
• In the Face of Gol, poem by Tevye (275)
• Wrong Enough, poem by Tevye (275)
• Needs, poem by Tevye (275)
• Night Song, poem by J.H. Sinclair (inside back cover)

from issue #50, GOS for "World's Embrace." Note: Marked as sexually explicit; minimized.

• 

  inside page from issue #50, Nefertari for "Personal Endeavor" -- "Extremely dark Spock I am assuming this is a color drawing poorly reproduced. If it were lightened up, it'd be a really nice piece of art. Perhaps it's meant to be at night (I haven't read the story), but even so, it should be lighter. I am totally prejudiced against dark pieces like this. Not even my favorite artist could pull this trick off for me. Plus I am a Kirkie so I don't tend to get turned on by Spock art."
  
  "This is one picture where I would love to see the original, I bet it is gorgeous. The picture is a rendition of Spock holding a phaser, with his gaze directed upwards to who knows what. Very nicely done, with the shading being everything. I stand in awe of how artists can convey so much just by the different pressure and direction they put to their pencils. Really nice! I like it."
  
  "We mostly know Nefertari from her short stories and poems, but here she does beautifully as an artist. It’s Spock in uniform, holding a phaser in ready. He’s on alert and looking up. I really like Spock’s face, first of all, it’s very well done with light and dark. I especially like her use of light and shadow—it’s not easy to do and she employs the light from behind Spock, gleaming off his hand, arm, shoulder and face, very nicely. I also like the shadow his hand makes on his uniform. This woman is multi-talented!"

• 

  from issue #50, I.M. Mueller for "Personal Endeavor" -- "Very nice K/S piece of Kirk and Spock together in bed, faces and tops of chests. I wouldn't mind owning this."
  
  "Another favorite is the drawing of Spock and Kirk embracing drawn for the story "Personal Endeavor" by Amanda Fox opposite page 126. The drawing is so elegant that it has an almost photographic quality to it and it is tender and sensual without being explicit. I could look at it forever. Why, oh why can't one put such images up and display in one's home? No, unfortunately, I'm not that brave, (rueful sigh)."
  
  "It’s at the very end of “Personal Endeavor” and it’s a beauty. This piece is absolutely gorgeous. Ms. Mueller is such a good artist and this knocks my proverbial socks off. It’s a close up of Kirk and Spock in bed and Kirk is leaning over Spock and gently kissing his forehead and softly stroking his hair. Wow. The Spock face is beautifully done and the Kirk face is melting. The light and shade are so strong which this artist excels at. The hands, also, are wonderful."

• 

  from issue #50, Liz for "The Bounds of Friendship" -- "And yet, my favorite art in this zine is probably one by Liz, even though artistically it might not be as perfect as Marianne's two drawings that I've mentioned. I think I love it so much because of one obvious thing—we get to see a pair of very beautiful, tight buns of one Mr. Spock, but to be perfectly honest, it isn't the only reason I love this drawing so much. I love it so much because it has a rather melancholy air to it. And it goes so well with the story it's attached to. The image I'm talking about is opposite page 196 and Spock is standing with his back to the reader, his hands in his pockets, and it's simply gorgeous. Simple, absolutely non-explicit, but it's got such emotion in it. Although Spock's head seems a little small for his body to me, it is a wonderful piece of art. Another very attractive thing about this drawing is that Spock isn't wearing his uniform, but is dressed in a white, shirt and a form-fitting pair of trousers that might be jeans. Mmm…."
  
  "Oh, seductive, mysterious Spock! What an alluring picture, not to mention Vulcan. Here a youngish-looking Spock is standing, leaning his left shoulder against a doorway. He’s wearing a long-sleeved, white flowing shirt (we see him mostly from the back), and crisp trousers. Love the detail of the seam on the back of the pants, it is just enough to draw our attention unerring to that lovely Vulcan ass. His hands are casually thrust in his pants pockets. But best of all, Spock has a small, knowing smile on his face as he looks down and to the right, as if he alone knows some wonderful secret joke. Or perhaps he is contemplating joy to come? Does he know that we, and perhaps a starship captain, are looking at him? Another unusual picture that makes this zine special."

• 

  from issue #50, Shelley Butler for "The Unexpected Gift" -- "A gen Kirk and Spock with a great Kirk and a Spock that misses the mark. This is also a little dark, making me wonder if it's a color pencil poorly reproduced. Kirk's face is very nicely highlighted and done. It just screams Shatner at you."

• 

  from issue #50, Liz for "Secrets"

• 

  from issue #50, sample title page, "Atlantis Stars"

• 

  from issue #50, I.M. Mueller for "Atlantis Stars" -- "A clothed but very sexy Kirk and Spock. WONDERFUL Kirk. I wouldn't mind a print of this. Makes me want to read the story by Deanna Gray that it illos. (Pardon me, I'm panting and it's hard to type.)"
  
  "I don’t really understand this picture, although technically it is impressive. Are Kirk and Spock standing in water? I think so. Kirk is unclothed, Spock has on his blue uniform and black pants, but he looks really muscular, almost forbidding. Kirk has a vacant sort of look on his face, as if he were mesmerized. So what is going I don’t know. Good to look at, but I can’t quite figure out what emotion the picture is trying to evoke."
  
  "My favorite of Marianne's contributions to the zine was the drawing for "Atlantis Stars" by Deanna Gray opposite page 227—it is absolutely beautiful. I love the strength of Spock's hand, holding Kirk back on that picture. Marianne also has a special way of drawing Kirk that makes him look rather young and vulnerable, that's kind of appealing to me. This piece is gorgeous and goes so well with a very, very powerful moment in the story it is drawn for."

• 

  from issue #50, I.M. Mueller for "Atlantis Stars" --"This is a full length nude Spock and Kirk in bed that does nothing for me. I only mention this because the former two pieces of hers I really really liked. The faces are good. It's just that the piece seems rather static to me. The bodies just take up space and add nothing to the piece IMHSO (in my highly subjective opinion)."
  
  "What a lovely picture! Kirk and Spock are in bed together (where they belong!) with Spock resting against the pillow. Kirk’s over/next to him, one hand entangled in the dark hair. Their faces are very close, and there’s a wonderful look of almost anguished worship/love on Kirk’s face. Lots of emotion in this picture, and my guess it is reproduced well."

• 

  from issue #50, Shelley Butler for "Deep Water" -- see Captain Spock Dreams

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 50

See reactions and reviews for Welcome Home.

See reactions and reviews for Tomorrow Never Comes.

See reactions and reviews for Interview.

See reactions and reviews for Things That Go Bump.

See reactions and reviews for Personal Endeavor.

See reactions and reviews for Shore Leave Greetings.

See reactions and reviews for Travelog.

See reactions and reviews for Secrets.

See reactions and reviews for The Unexpected Gift.

See reactions and reviews for Ghosts.

See reactions and reviews for Forget.

See reactions and reviews for The Bounds of Friendship.

See reactions and reviews for World's Embrace.

See reactions and reviews for Atlantis Stars.

See reactions and reviews for Deep Water.

[interior art]: Chris Soto, page 7 (actually between 6 & 7 - -and you know that means these art pieces won't be in the reprints so buy the copies while you can) Very lovely young Kirk face.

[this fan's comments are on the art above]

OVERALL, FT 50 is a bargain. Ms. Hood is not charging anymore for it than a regular zine (unless I have misunderstood the pricing) and it's almost 300 pages and it has killer art in it. BUY IT NOW WHILE THERE IS STILL ART IN IT!!!! That's an order from Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock.

[art]: Wow.... I really enjoyed this 'zine. First of all the cover art is something that I was totally blown away by and I wish I could have been allowed to see the pictures in full-size. As I leafed through the zine, I always check the art first, I'm sure I'm not alone in that. I was so pleasantly surprised by the beautiful, beautiful art that I was met with. I am very fond of Marianne Muller's drawings and she's getting better for each time I see something from her. I've got a treasure trove at home with a few of her original pieces and boy do I feel special….

[art by G.E. Mills on page 185]: This picture of Spock in a cape, walking along some wooden-planked pathway, is remarkable because the style is so different from what we have been accustomed to seeing in zines. It almost looks like a stamp, or a woodcut, more the later, I guess, with details very hazy but definitely implied. For example, Spock’s face is just a wavy line that ends before the chin appears, but it is definitely Spock. And it fits the story which is illustrates very well, I thought. Fascinating!

[INTERIOR ART by G.E. Mills] Jenna reviewed this back in the March issue, and I second her enthusiasm for this work. I remember G.E. Mills from the Scattered Stars covers she did which I loved. This piece is very effective as Jenna points up that we know it’s Spock despite the indistinct lines. Also as Jenna points out, the style like a woodcut is lovely. It’s kind of haunting as Spock is wearing a cape and is walking over a bridge maybe, with trees and plants. I love how all these things are clearly shown despite the simplicity. INTERIOR ART by Liz: This was also reviewed by Jenna and once more, I am in agreement with my PP’s taste! I, too, love this piece and how serene and contemplative this Spock is. It’s beautifully done with the light and shadow and the pose is gorgeous as Spock leans against the doorway with his hands in his pockets and the soft smile on his face. Jenna also properly pointed out how lovely the “Vulcan ass” is defined.

[art by GOS]: In my effort to actually title artwork instead of by the page number, I’m calling this piece by the title of the poem it accompanies. I don’t think anyone has commented on this yet, but I’ll be the first to say I think it’s great. It’s a small pen and ink of Spock at Gol with the expression he wore when he was hearing Kirk calling to him from afar. Maybe this work might be easy to miss because it’s next to text, but take a look. Spock’s features are shown beautifully with just a few fine ink lines and it’s also a very difficult expression to render and to get just right. It also goes beautifully with the poem by Tevye.

Marianne Mueller has three pieces of interior artwork in First Time 50 and I like all of them.

Opposite page 126 there is a lovely portrait of Kirk and Spock embracing in bed. The likenesses are good and the details are great: I love the way that stray lock of hair has slipped down over Kirk’s forehead, just as we all know it must when he’s making love to our favorite Vulcan. The expression on Kirk’s face is soft and loving and he looks as if he’s just about to lean down and kiss Spock. Spock’s head is resting against Kirk’s chest and shoulder. The Vulcan’s mouth is turned down just a bit at the corner (he’s in profile so we don’t see his entire mouth), his shoulder is lifted off the bed just a little, and his hand is resting on Kirk’s chest, staying just clear of the nipple. This really feels like a first-time encounter: Kirk looks a little awestruck, as if he can’t quite believe what’s happening, and Spock seems a little tense and maybe a bit uncertain about letting his fingers stray to that nipple. But we all know that when Kirk leans down for that kiss, Spock is going to forget all about those Vulcan inhibitions.

Opposite page 227 there is a portrait of Kirk and Spock that goes very well with the accompanying story. Here again, the likenesses are good and the artist has paid a great deal of attention to detail (right down to the tendons in Kirk and Spock’s hands). But what struck me most about this piece is the expression on Kirk’s face: it made me feel as if I were looking not at his external appearance, but at his raw emotions. Because of that, I would have to say that this is the best of the three.

The third piece is opposite page 236 and is a full- length picture of Kirk and Spock embracing, naked, with Kirk on top. This portrait, in my opinion, is not quite as good as the other two, but it’s still fun to look at. I especially like the way Spock’s bent knee frames the curve of Kirk’s buttocks.