First Time (Star Trek: TOS zine)/Issues 41-50

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Issue 41

First Time 41 was published in February 1995 and contains 194 pages.

  • Chrysalis by Kay Wells (Crash landing on a water world, Spock forces Kirk to let him drown when their escape pod is trapped underwater, with the idea that Kirk will be able to revive him once they reach the surface.)
  • The Heart Has Reasons by Rebekah Lyons (Spock retreats from Kirk ʻs love, convinced that it was only the Drellaʼs interference, a creature that feeds on love, that brought them together.)
  • The Blessing by Kitty Berman (Sybok realizes the hidden love Kirk and Spock have for each other, and at his death sends Kirk the message that Spock wonʼt say no if Kirk approaches him.)
  • The Last Word by Karla Kelly (After a blow to the head, “Jim” is the only understandable word Spock can say, and through stranded with the landing party until the ship returns, Kirk and Spock make their feelings known for each other.)
  • Magic Heart by Elizabeth Kay ("At the sound of his name, Spock looked up and felt the years tumble back into place. The slightly blonde hair had grown chestnut, short and curling, the same frank, expressive eyes were staring at him. All at once it seemed like nothing had ever come between them. They were clearly just as in synch with one another as they had ever been; even after two years of strict Kohlinar disciplines on his part, and a failed marriage on Kirk's.")
  • poetry by Karla Kelly, Natasha Solten
  • covers by Shelley Butler, art by Shelley Butler, DEW, and Chris Soto

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 41

See comments for Magic Heart.
See comments for Chrysalis.
See comments for The Heart Has Reasons.
See comments for The Last Word.
See comments for The Blessing.
[unspecified art by Shelly Butler]: MORE MORE MORE. Give me more, pardon me. Give US more. A sleek panther and a wicked nipple peeking around a smooth corner. Miauw. [4]

Issue 42

front cover of issue #42, Shelley Butler Apertif -- "The front cover; Kirk savors a sip of champagne, undoubtedly made more delectable by his first officer's presence, while Spock simultaneously savors with his eyes that which is infinitely sweeter to him...his captain." [5] -- "It's hard to keep coming up with superlatives when describing Shelley's art. These are simply stunning. The front cover shows Kirk imbibing a glass of something alcoholic while Spock watches. In the background stands what looks to be an unopened bottle of Vulcan champagne. (There are beautifully done Vulcan letters on the bottle.) The back cover illustrates what happens when the bottle is finally opened. The textures are so finely drawn that one can almost feel the satin of Spock's dress uniform, and the bubbles that fill the bathtub. No one does texture better than this artist. I would be remiss if I didn't mention the touches of green added by the editor to both covers and on page 45. Lovely, and such an original idea. Done individually and by hand. [6]
back cover of issue #41, Shelley Butler "Champagne Wishes" -- "And then my eyes hopefully flip the zine over to see if there's art on the back cover. Oh my. I become illiterate when faced with the need to describe such bliss. Mine or theirs? Who knows...I am drawn into the soap filled tub with two of the most masculine and desirable creatures imaginable. They are immune to my presence and that of the world around them in a way few have ever captured. Sharing a kiss, their only other contact the back of Kirk's hand steadying his champagne glass against Spock's shoulder. Perhaps Spock's hand rests on Kirk's knee. Or to borrow a phrase, perhaps "that is not his knee". No matter. It couldn't be more sensual. It just couldn't. Years have gone by since an infamous drawing by The Southern Cross entitled "The Kiss". Now another pair of gifted hands have ventured into that particular realm, and with breathtaking success. Shelley's renderings (including her interior art) are so lifelike I almost forget we have never seen this on screen. Is it possible that this exceptional artist has found a way to persuade our heroes to pose for her??? How else can we account for the realism?" [7]

First Time 42 was published in June 1995 and contains 160 pages. It has art by Shelley Butler, Chris Soto, Terri Rett, and Lori Lee.

  • The Picnic by Kate Sheridan (While on a visit to Kirkʼs home, Spock is introduced to the custom of bidding on prepared lunch baskets as a means to a date when he and Kirk go with Kirkʼs mother to a town fair.) (4)
  • The Cookie Jar by Carol Turner (20)
  • Fling the Snowflake, poem by H.R. Radei (25)
  • Perfection by Karla Kelly (Spock is uncomfortable with Kirkʼs declarations of Spockʼs perfection until his captain hits on the one thing they both think is.) (26)
  • Time Marches On, poem (29)
  • Champagne Wishes by Cordelia Smith (Spock waits at the bar picked by McCoy to meet, and is pleasantly surprised when his captain shows up.) (30)
  • The Diver” by Carolyn Spencer (won a 1995 STIFfie Award) (Visions that Spock had while at Gol are discovered to be shared when he rejoins Kirk to defeat VʼGer.) (38)
  • The Diver, poem by Robin Hood (63a)
  • A Beach to Walk On by J S Cavalcante (64)
  • Say My Name by Shelley Butler (Spock is forced to confess his feelings for Kirk while both are held by Gary Mitchellʼs power.) (132)

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 42

See comments for Say My Name
See comments for Champagne Wishes
See comments for A Beach to Walk On.
See comments for The Diver
See comments for The Picnic
See comments for The Cookie Jar
See comments for Perfection
[cover art]: Graphite. My other favorite zine artist, who did many covers for the series First Time, Within the Mirror, Naked Times, Charisma, Beyond Dreams and more. This specific cover made me add the zine to my wish list before I even checked the stories listing. Here we have Spock looking dashing in his dress uniform, half-turned towards a contemplative Kirk sipping from a champagne flute, a wonderful scene of Kirk and Spock in a public setting. The shapes fade out at the edges and there is little background besides Butler's custom ornemental flowers . It gives the image a dreamy feel I just love. Exceptional likeness and quality of drawing with well-rendered textures, like the silk of Spock's jacket. The back cover shows naked Kirk and Spock kissing in a bubble bath and is just as exceptional. [10]
[cover art]: Forty-two issues of First Time, and the covers just keep getting better and better. These are definitely my favorites, perhaps because these pictures are far more than just portraits. Together they tell a story, and each picture has its own composition that invites the same kind of analysis as we would give to a story.

I actually had the privilege of seeing these covers in the original at Shore Leave, and I deeply envy the person who managed to bid high enough in the auction to buy the front cover, and the lucky K/Ser who walked away with the back cover during the private showing of K/S art. On the front, the impression is that the two men are in some sort of public setting, perhaps a diplomatic reception. Kirk is sipping champagne while Spock, in his dress uniform, watches. And boy, is he watching, every line of his body showing intent regard for his captain. The fact that Kirk is not obviously aware of his first officer's look, he is looking down, adds mystery to the picture, and makes the observer wonder what exactly is going on between the two men.

In the background are some flowers, stems delicately colored with green, and a champagne bottle. I can only assume that Robin did the shading, which was a great idea, and another example of the lengths that this editor will go to showcase K/S. One of the flowers is reminiscent of the pod from This Side of Paradise, so a sexual connotation is immediately apparent. The two flowers, one behind each man, are quite different, but flourishing strong and tall and, ahem, erect. Maybe, after noticing that, the observer isn't wondering quite so much what's going on as she had been before. Gee, lots of pollen in those flowers.... And that champagne bottle is standing about waist level right between the two men.... Shelley, what kind of mind do you have?

And the back cover completes the little story, and finally lays (oh!) the observer's mind to rest. There are our two guys in a bubble bath, each holding champagne glasses, and kissing. There are fronds hanging down upon them, giving a suggestion of being encased, or protected by the greenery, as if they were in a bower hidden from everyone else. The suggestion is that captain and first officer have been released from the public scrutiny of the front cover that had placed inhibitions on their actions, and now that they are alone they can finally act upon their true feelings.

In the foreground is the same champagne bottle with interesting symbols on it, which I assume are Vulcan letters. Now not just Kirk, but the two of them together are imbibing the intoxicating liquor. Spock has stepped into not just the bubble bath, but the perilous, intoxicating danger of love with his captain. The Vulcan lettering on the bottle also suggests that it's Spock who offered the love, that Kirk, sipping on the front cover, is considering that offer, the almost unbelievable reality of love with a Vulcan, poured from a Vulcan bottle of champagne, really a Vulcan heart.

A masterful job by Shelley Butler (all right, so the Spock on the back isn't exactly perfect, his face is a little off and he's too muscular, but it's close enough so who cares?), and I think the front cover is just about perfect. (I really like the fact that Spock is taller than Kirk, and this is one of the few pictures that not only reflects but accentuates that fact.) It was sinful to break up these two pictures to two different buyers as they are definitely a matched pair. Some of the best work Shelley has done, with a great deal of thought behind them. [11]
[front and back covers]: Holy cowabunga! This is one of the best K/S zine covers I have ever seen. The front has Kirk, wearing his wrap-around green top, drinking from a wine glass with Spock, wearing his satin formal tunic, watching him. The back is totally AWESOME. Kirk and Spock in a hot tub, naked, foam strategically covering the naughty bits while Kirk leans over to kiss Spock. Both holding champagne glasses in their hands with a bottle of champagne next to Kirk. VERY HOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTT. No one can do skin tone and hair like Shelley Butler. It looks so smooth and soft that it makes you want to reach out and touch it. I love the fact that she does photo realistic illos. Totally awesome that she‘s into K/S. Thanks so much SB for giving years of enjoyment with your K/S illos. [12]

Issue 43

front cover of issue #43, Chris Soto: "[I] can't fail to mention the front cover. The realization of Admiral Kirk's face is perfection. Maybe this is my favorite. After all, look at Spock's slightly downcast eyes. And the lovely rendition of the antique sextant. Chris Soto's artwork is a gift to us." [13]
back cover of issue #43, Chris Soto: "I just adore this gorgeous drawing of Kirk and Spock in those first few precious moments after making love. So many details to rivet the eye: Spock's band resting possessively on Kirk's back. Kirk's arm thrown over Spock's hip, the lovely way their heads are pillowed on each other's thighs, and the absolute perfection of one stubborn curl of Kirk's hair on Spock's belly. So realisbc that I can almost see their chests move with their quiet breaths and fed their soul-deep satisfaction." [14]

First Time 43 was published in December 1995 and contains 178 pages. It has art by Chris Soto, Anne Marie Smith, and Erica Bulsara.

From the editorial:
I won't stop editing, I won't stop mailing, and above all else, I won't stop BITCHING about contributors!! Now get off your butts and get busy. Every single one of you has a 1/2 finished story hiding under that pile of undies. And if you don't write it, I won't be able to do zines. So in an immense effort to keep me happy; er, nicer, ok, quiet, get busy and finish it! I don't care how old it is, in fact I'll have an ancient story in the next FT, so ancient that the author had to change the name since another personality all together wrote it. Make a new year resolution and finish it. Send it to me, okay, if I've stepped on your toes too often, send it to someone else, but WRITE!

This zine once again holds new and older (and getting older) writers. Be kind to the babies and remember that the old folks need their strokes just as much, since the $$ they make for this ain't too grand!

You'll notice that this zine appears to be a tribute to Chris Soto (not that she doesn't deserve one) but we don't want her to get a... swelled ... head, so I just say she'll do anything to get out of writing.... Now she did threaten me with death if the lovely cover ended up anywhere but in the appropriate story (you guess which story) but who the hell does she think she is? It's my zine and if I think it's good enough for a cover, then tough shitskies, it's a cover!
  • Stranger than Fiction by Shelley Butler and Kathy Stanis (Two crewwomen share a passion for watching Kirk and Spock and are so sure that they are lovers, they begin writing stories about them.) (4)
  • The Storyteller by Kate Sheridan (Kirk slugs McCoy when, after a night of drinking, McCoy taunts him about his love for Spock, and the next day McCoy demands that Kirk tell Spock or he will press charges.) (34)
  • Love Song by Karla Kelly (52)
  • Dance of the Le Matya by Erica Bulsara (Spock wins a planetary contest and unknowingly picks Kirk as his prize for the night.) (56)
  • Desolate, poem by Dovya Blacque, inspired by the cover of First Time #41
  • Words by Penny Wise (Spock goes into a type of trance when he tries to remove his feelings for Kirk.) (78)
  • Scaling the Heights, poem by Imya Brata (89)
  • "Secret Admirer" by Ciana Mitchell (Just as Kirk and Spock begin a love affair, Kirk begins receiving gifts from a secret admirer.) (90)
  • Follow the Star, uncredited poem (177)

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 43

See reactions and reviews for Stranger than Fiction.
See reactions and reviews for The Storyteller.
See reactions and reviews for Dance of the Le Matya.
See reactions and reviews for Words.
See reactions and reviews for Secret Admirer.
[art by Chris Soto]: So many beautiful pieces in this zine from this extraordinary artist to comment on… I get to my favorite. Well, one of my favorites. I could never decide which I like best, but...the back cover is so beautiful that I know my heart is melting. Kirk and Spock asleep, entwined after having made love. This is breathtaking. But I still can't fail to mention the front cover. The realization of Admiral Kirk's face is perfection. Maybe this is my favorite. After all, look at Spock's slightly downcast eyes. And the lovely rendition of the antique sextant. Chris Soto's artwork is a gift to us. [18]

Issue 44

front cover of issue #44, Shelley Butler. It is called "Spock's Bouquet".
back cover of issue #44, Shelley Butler
no frills cover of second edition

First Time 44 was published in June 1996 and contains 168 pages. Cover art by Shelley Butler. Interior art by Chris Soto. The second edition, which was published sans art, is letter-sized with comb binding.

  • Captain's Log: Vaia by Kathy Stanis (Kirk and Spock beam down on a planet survey only to be taken unaware by the female inhabitants, and a drugged Kirk is forced to service the women.) (4)
  • I am Left Mourning by Kathy Stanis (poem) (67)
  • "November Sunshine" by Kitty Berman (After getting the Enterprise back, Kirk learns just how badly he and Spock were taken in when Kirk, confessing his loneliness and depression while Spock was gone, is told by Spock what Lori Ciani told him that made him leave.) (67)
  • Pon Farr by Erato (poem) (110)
  • Stalking Stars by H.R. Raidel (poem) (111)
  • Correspondence by Karla Kelly (Spock and Amandaʼs correspondence to each other are affected by the arrival of Kirk as the new captain of the Enterprise.)
  • The Kiss by Erato (poem) (120_
  • The World Cries by Sue Cameron (poem) (121)
  • The Doctor's Indiscretion by Erica Bulsara (McCoy confesses to Kirk that he secretly observed Kirk and Spock making love.) (122)
  • Time Marches On by Mccoy (poem) (133)
  • Their Hearts' Revenge by Shelley Butler (After TʼPring kills Stonn, she frees a Vulcan criminal in order to secure his aid in destroying Kirk and Spock, who she realizes, love each other.) (134)

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 44

See reactions and reviews for Captain's Log: Vaia.
See reactions and reviews for Their Hearts' Revenge.
See reactions and reviews for Correspondence.
See reactions and reviews for November Sunshine.
See reactions and reviews for The Doctor's Indiscretion.
[poem: I am Left in Mourning]: Haunting and dark, this poem shows us Kirk's death in Generations from Picard's POV.

One might imagine that Picard would be aloof and removed—what does he care? But Stanis has captured some incredibly beautiful emotions as Picard mourns Kirk's passing, the loss of Kirk and Spock's love (which I love that he acknowledges) and also his own life that could never have that kind of love and passion.

Beautiful language and gorgeous images flow throughout this poem. Picard's regrets and his sorrow are beautifully expressed through a repeated phrase: "The wind is raw, my hands are raw, my heart is raw".

Totally stunning. [19]
[art by Shelley Butler on page 129 for "The Doctor's Indiscretion"]: What a marvelous moment. This is one of those drawings so evocative, many stories it might tell, probably a different interpretation by each who looks at it. This is the drawing Carolyn S. has had for a while in her closet Kirk and Spock sitting naked front-to-front, arms and legs wrapped around each other. Perhaps this is during the very first moments they are physically together (unless you subscribe to the madly-devouring-each-other-immediately school)... very still, simply feeling the magic of just being together. Such quiet power. Spock's face in Kirk's neck; maybe even Kirk is looking down at their cocks touching. Or perhaps some kind of tantric thing is going on. Beautiful. [20]
[art by Shelley Butler on page 129]: The original of this drawing has been one of my most prized possessions for two years now. It was the first piece of original art I ever purchased, the first piece to come out of the closet (both literally and figuratively) and be hung when I turned my married daughter’s bedroom into my writing room. It now hangs directly over my computer where I can see it every day and hopefully draw inspiration from it when I write. While the vulnerable bend of Spock’s neck no longer has the power to bring tears to my eyes as it did two years ago, it still can raise a lump to my throat, and I am constantly finding new aspects to appreciate: the play of light and shadow on Kirk’s forearm, the intricacy of raised tendons in Kirk’s hand on Spock’s back, way their faces curve into each other’s necks, the way their bodies entwine and fit together. For me this drawing embodies all the loving feelings that I read K/S for. It touches something in me deep down where my soul lives. [21]

Issue 45

First Time 45 was published in December 1996 and contains 178 pages. The art is by Chris Soto and Kathy Stanis.

front cover issue #45, 1st edition, Chris Soto -- "Just because I happen to be (among many others) waiting with bated breath for Ms. Soto's next story due out very soon, doesn't mean that I'm not glad she's busy doing such gorgeous artwork. (How's that for a thinly veiled hint?) This is so great—it's so unusual to see mirror Spock portrayed and portrayed so well! I love the perfect stipple technique that Chris does so beautifully. And I love Kirk's position with his arms up and around Spock." [22]
back cover of issue #45, Soto & Stanis, 1st edition -- "I hope to know the title of this piece before the Philon awards because I happen to think it's totally gorgeous! I find it beautifully drawn, Kirk's face is particularly nice, and Spock resting on his hip is too delightful. I love its playful quality-we know that a position like that might not be possible—but that's the very thing I love about this drawing. It's so unusual and I get the feeling Kirk is almost floating. I think this back cover of Chris' is one of my favorites. Kathy Stanis is one of our wonderfully talented writers, but here she shines as a wonderfully talented artist, as well. Such a softly drawn Spock. photographic in quality, but not in emotion. I feel I can read that serious, thoughtful expression on his face! The technique is impeccable. I want to see more art from her. Please!" [23]
cover of issue #45, second edition

The editor includes her email address with the note: "If you're not on, why not???"

  • When Rain Comes by Andi Lenor (Kirk and Spock are drawn closer together as the 5 year mission continues, but when Kirk almost dies when the command chair explodes during a battle, Spock realizes that they could have a future together.) It was the winner of a Philon Award. (4)
  • Male Bonding by Katie O'Doul (Spock agrees to go camping with Kirk and McCoy after overhearing Kirk make mention of “male-bonding”.) (46)
  • On Which to Build by Rosemarie Heaton (On a diplomatic mission, Spock is raped when he and Kirk are attacked by a roving band of thugs and later, Spock is taken to Vulcan where he has no contact with Kirk until VʼGer.) (64)
  • Star Scar, poem by H.R. Radei (91)
  • Baby by Michele Arvizu (Spock is called to Vulcan to answer questions regarding his plans for his next pon farr while he and Kirk decide if their own future will be apart or together.) (92)
  • The Tree, poem by H.R. Radei (140)
  • Sky Walker, poem by H.R. Radei (141)
  • Quirk of Fate by Kathy Stanis (While on shoreleave, Spock has visits from Q, who wants Spock to confess and become lovers with Kirk so that, in the future, Q can use them as an example to convince Picard to become his lover.) (crossover with Star Trek: TNG) (142)
  • Letter from an Editor, poem by Karla Kelly (inside back cover)

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 45

See comments for Quirk of Fate.
See comments for Baby.
See comments for On Which to Build.
See comments for Male Bonding.
See comments for When Rain Comes.

Issue 46

First Time 46 was published in 1997 and contains 166 pages. The first edition is perfect bound with glossy front and back covers by Shelley Butler and interior art by Nefertari and Chris Soto.

front cover #46, Shelley Butler, "The Moon and Stars" -- "I am in awe of Shelley Butler's art! She is not only prolific, she handles her subjects with such infinite delicacy I love these drawings of Shelley's that make me imagine the story going on between Kirk and Spock. Spock is lying down, eyes closed, Kirk standing, concerned, their hands/arms clasped. Kirk seems to be leaving, but can't quite pull away. That's because of their mental link − the wonderful mind-rainbow between them. This is cool, because it's got both logical geometric design, and emotional human floral type stuff." [25]
back cover #46, Shelley Butler, "Pieta" (won a STIFfie Award) -- "For a long time, Shelley’s wonderful picture Pieta (where Kirk is not dead!) stood in solitary splendor. But then Robin asked for a companion piece for First Time 46 covers, and The Moon and the Stars was born. Now it’s hard for me to look at one without seeing the other, and so I’m commenting on them together. The fine detail work on each picture is incredible, but especially so on Pieta. The drape of the cloth over Kirk’s groin, and on the floor before both figures is perfect. There’s so much texture to this picture! Kirk’s arm hangs almost-but-not-quite lifelessly, (now that I really look, I begin to see the cues of life) and I especially like the bulge of his tendons/veins in that hanging arm. I am definitely not a fan of too much musculature in my K/S art, but this seems perfect, a result of gravity pulling the blood down. Likewise, there does seem to be a little bit of tension in Kirk’s right arm, and in the way his legs are arranged. (Okay, I’m convinced!)." [more comments below] Also see: Imitation for other examples of famous art used in fanart. [26]

The front cover won a 1997 STIFfie/1997_Awards.

From the editorial: "My printer, after 12 years is speaking less and less English, and I and my controversial zines have been thrown out of one print shop in the area."

The editor notes that this zine was coming out shortly before Shore Leave, but she makes no mention of the recent passing of Chris Soto.

    • The Power of Suggestion, a Star Trek: TOS story by Dana Austin Marsh (After rejecting the advances of a stranger, Kirk returns to his and Spockʼs hotel room and during the night, somehow is made to erroneously believe that he and Spock are lovers.) (4)
  • Once Broken by Robin Hood (poem) (21)
  • Egyptian Dreams by Nefertari (art by Nefertari) (Kirk dreams of a pharaoh with pointed ears.) (22)
  • A Doctor's Tale by Corey Fauer (McCoy notices that Kirk is jealous when a visiting female diplomat start paying too much attention to Spock.) (25)
  • Together by Sharon Travis (poem) (59)
  • A Deltan Dilemma by Karin Porter (art by Shelly Butler) (Ordered to transport a delegation of Deltans, including two just reaching sexual maturity, Spock strengthens the link he and Kirk already have in order to help Kirk control his reaction to the Deltan pheromones.) (29)
  • Wondering, poem by Sharon Travis (59a)
  • After the Rain by Paris Vautrain (After a bad landing party experience, McCoy orders Kirk and Spock to take shore-leave together in order to deal with Kirkʼs lingering anger toward Spockʼs part in dealing with Gary Mitchell.) (60)
  • Reaching Eden by Kathy Stanis, art by Shelley Butler (Spock is accidentally given a mind-altering drug that causes him to go to Kirkʼs cabin in order to confess his feelings for him.) (80)
  • Medical Treatment, poem by Sharon Travis (95)
  • Fascinating Art by Nefertari (A two-pager with Kirk and Spock discussing zines, gay love and K/S.) (96)
  • On Being a Starship Captain, poem by Sharon Travis (97)
  • Fruits And Nuts by Jenna Hilary Sinclair (Kirk and Spock come together over shared nuts.)
  • Just Desserts by Scott Hunter (art by Chris Soto]] (Kirk and McCoy try to keep Spock in the dark about an award he is about to receive by telling him that they are on their way to Vulcan so McCoy can be presented an award.) (98)
  • The Doctor's Problem by Robin Hood (poem) (123)
  • Need by Erato (poem) (123)
  • Into the Light by Cordelia Naismith (As they wait to be rescued from a pit, Spock thinks back on the last time he and Kirk were in a similar situation and discovers that things werenʼt quite as he remembers them.) (124)
  • Dreams by Erato (poem) (133)
  • Untouched by Shelley Butler (art by Chris Soto) (When Kirk and Mitchell are posted to the Enterprise, Spock realizes that Mitchell was his last client as a prostitute while at the Academy and though Mitchell now wants to resume a relationship, Spock finds himself falling in love with Kirk.) (134)

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 46

See comments for The Power of Suggestion.
See comments for Reaching Eden.
See comments for After the Rain.
See comments for Untouched.
See comments for A Deltan Dilemma.
See comments for A Doctor's Tale.
See comments for Fascinating Art.
See comments for Fruits and Nuts.
See comments for Just Desserts.
See comments for Into the Light.
See comments for Egyptian Dreams.
[front and back covers]: Shelley Butler did both covers and two interior pieces (81a and 148a) in First Time 46. 81a is a pensive Spock, head and shoulders. 148a (which goes with a story by Butler) is Kirk. These two pictures could be a set. The front cover is Kirk clutching Spock’s hand, and Spock is lying down — either asleep or ill or resting. It is the back cover, Shelley’s version of the Pieta, that is the most magnificent piece of the zine. The only reason I can figure out why it’s not on the cover is that Robin Hood may be wanting to go for less explicit front covers. As Shelley has said before, the Kirk lying on Spock’s lap is NOT dead, nor dying. The men are nude, but Kirk is draped with a cloth. Kirk is especially well drawn in this.[29]
[front and back covers]: For a long time, Shelley’s wonderful picture Pieta (where Kirk is not dead!) stood in solitary splendor. But then Robin asked for a companion piece for First Time 46 covers, and The Moon and the Stars was born. Now it’s hard for me to look at one without seeing the other, and so I’m commenting on them together. The fine detail work on each picture is incredible, but especially so on Pieta. The drape of the cloth over Kirk’s groin, and on the floor before both figures is perfect. There’s so much texture to this picture! Kirk’s arm hangs almost-but-not-quite lifelessly, (now that I really look, I begin to see the cues of life) and I especially like the bulge of his tendons/veins in that hanging arm. I am definitely not a fan of too much musculature in my K/S art, but this seems perfect, a result of gravity pulling the blood down. Likewise, there does seem to be a little bit of tension in Kirk’s right arm, and in the way his legs are arranged. (Okay, I’m convinced!)

The look on Spock’s face seems full of anticipation, and reminds me of that great Southern Cross picture that was sold at Shore Leave last year, when Kirk is extending his arm to draw life from the statue from which Spock is emerging. This is not sorrow, but a gathering of power. Also reminds me of that story reprinted in Impact by Leslie Fish, Sorcerer, where Spock brings Kirk back from death. The impression I get from Pieta is that Spock is preparing to infuse the man in his lap with something great, mysterious, and ultimately very powerful. Dare I call it by its name? Love.

The Moon and the Stars is a subtle reverse image of Pieta, and that shows Shelley’s growth as an artist. It’s so great to be presented with covers that are far more than the standard portrait. Here is a story that’s told, a complex work that can be understood on several different levels. In this picture it is Kirk who is aware, holding Spock’s hand. Spock appears to be either asleep or in a trance, the equivalent of the helplessness of Kirk’s form on the back cover. From the coveralls he’s wearing, reminiscent of those worn in sickbay, I vote for the trance. His eyes are closed, his face expressionless, but take a look at his hand that is clutching at Kirk’s. There’s a great deal of life in that desperate, tight grasp, an intriguing counterpoint to the silence of his face and body.

And look at the way Kirk’s body is leaning, arcing over towards Spock’s recumbent form, a thematic repetition of the clasped hands. But then Shelley introduces mystery in the picture. Where I would have expected Kirk’s face and head to follow the curve of his body, hovering anxiously over Spock, instead his face is turned away. He’s looking away from Spock. His expression is almost-but-not-quite troubled. (How do artists do that?) Is he ready for what might happen? Can life pass from him to Spock?

I see the artist’s answer in the arc of moons, stars, ribbons and lace that stretches from Kirk’s head, even though it’s turned away, to Spock’s head, even though he’s deep in the trance. This is a tale of the inevitable currents of life. Again, something great, mysterious and ultimately very powerful is going on here, almost without Kirk and Spock’s conscious participation.

With both pictures, Shelley taps into something subtle: the running deep river of emotion, of psychic energy, of destiny that unites two men. What binds them is beyond the ordinary, beyond a common definition of love or affinity. Both Pieta and The Moon and the Stars are windows to the transcendence of love in K/S, and I love them together. They’re a real treat from a thoughtful artist. [30]

Issue 47

front cover of issue #47, Shelley Butler --  : "A wonderful rendition of Spock on the couch of the Romulan Commander’s quarters from The Enterprise Incident done only as Shelley can. I have no idea how she does it, but you can almost touch the velour of Spock’s uniform and feel how soft and silky his hair is. Very few artists can do texture as well as Shelley can. I love the light/dark contrasts, and the detail of the sinews and veins on his oh-so-expressive hands. This is the stuff dreams are made of." [31]
back cover of issue #47, Shelley Butler

First Time 47 was published in 1998 and contains 167 pages.

  • Getting What You Wished For by Dana Austin Marsh (p. 4-16) (Unable to go through with the farce of being with “Kirk” on the shoreleave planet, Spock returns to the ship determined to tell Kirk of his love after watching the construct of his captain die.)
  • Impossible by Nefertari (p. 18-19) (PWP)
  • The Watcher by Paris Vautrain (p. 20-37) (Spock stays on the sidelines, waiting for Kirk to finally realize what it is he really feels for his first officer.)
  • Risk Worth Taking by Deanna Gray (p. 40-53) (After Spock almost dies when retrieving information on the giant “amoeba,” Kirk finally gets the courage to confess his feelings to him.)
  • Carnival Night by Corey Fauer (p. 56-66) (McCoy is sure that the carnival taking place on the Enterprise is the perfect time to pull a prank on the captain and first officer.)
  • From The Heart by Jenna Hilary Sinclair (p. 68-76) (After VʼGer, Kirk struggles with the realization of what he feels for Spock and how to go about telling his friend of them.)
  • Control by Nefertari (p. 78-80) (PWP)
  • Kaliffee by Ray Newton and Fiona James (p. 82-97) (Spock takes refuge in the desert rather than force a bond on Kirk when the two of them and a security guard are on a survey mission.)
  • Don Juan Kirk by Heidi M. (p. 98-101) (Kirkʼs fantasies on Valentineʼs Day.)
  • Song of the Lea by Karen Dates (p. 102-153) (Kirk is presumed dead when the shuttle he is piloting crashes onto a water world and his bond to Spock is blocked.)
  • From Rags To Riches by Dana Austin Marsh / Phaedra Morgan (p. 154-167) (Kirk sues the scandal sheet that has been running stories with a slightly slanted take on the Enterpriseʼs missions, which all inply that he is using the ship to further his sexual conquests.)

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 47

See comments for Don Juan Kirk.
See comments for Mission Impossible.
See comments for Risk Worth Taking.
See comments for Kaliffee
See comment for From the Heart
See comments for Song of the Lea.
See comments for Carnival Night.
See comments for The Watcher.
See comments for From Rags to Riches.
See comments for Control.
See comments for Getting What You Wished For.
[art]: I don't like computer art, or clip art, or whatever it's called. It's distracting, silly, and gives the zines using it a decided amateurish look—in my humble opinion. FT47 has lovely covers and some good interior art so it hardly needs "artisic parsley". I can see perhaps having something garnish the titles, but that's it. The puzzle with "Kalifee" isn't obnoxious, but interrupting the stories with these supposedly artistic ink blobs, is. The nadir for me were the cheesy magicians for "Carnival Night". I know the story is intentionally silly, but I resented the graphics which do not enlighten the story and only serve to waste space. On page 86, we have a mountain. Perhaps a volcano? Or a huge sand dune? According to the text, they are in a desert that has dips and lots of rocks, though how big these are is not said. So here I am wondering why the hell there's a big sorta mountain taking up % of the page. [36]
[art]: Shelley Butler has three nice pieces in this zine. The interior art, "Concern" shows Kirk holding Spock with only Kirk's face partially showing. They are clothed. The front cover, "Reclining Spock" is a uniformed Spock looking pensive. The back cover, "Baby Kirk" is a nude Kirk that is divine. The Kirk is the best of the lot, but since I am a Kirk fan, I am definitely prejudiced. This nude is chaste with nothing important showing but a curved buttock. The face is very realistically drawn. So, ladies, you gotta order this now. There's not much art in this zine, but what there is, you definitely want. [37]

Issue 48

front cover #48, DEW
cover of issue #48, DEW. From The K/S Press #28: "Both covers are by Dew. The front Spock is okay— the back Kirk is very nice. The Kirk face is very good, and so is the rest of the package. Full frontal nudity…very upstanding full frontal nudity. My only quibble is Kirk is too thin-waisted. We can put some meat at the waist, and he’s still sexy."

First Time 48 was published in 1998 and contains 162 pages. It has interior art by by Shelley Butler, Susan Sicafoosh, and Pat Horowitz.

  • Paradise Regained by Taliesine (Kirk discovers his desire for Spock when he see him about to make love to Leila on Omicron Ceti 3 and does whatever it takes to stop him.)
  • Life's Rich Pallette, poem by H.R. Radei (29)
  • Fascinating Art Deux by Nefertari (A two-pager with Kirk and Spock discussing zines, gay love and K/S. A sequel to Fascinating Art in issue #46) (30)
  • Games by T'Rhys (Tired of waiting for his lover to “go all the way”, Spock decides to take matters in his own hands and seduce Kirk into it.) (32)
  • The Topic by Nefertari ("In and Out” [the movie] revisited.) (36)
  • Hear Ye, Here Ye!, poem by Robin Hood (47)
  • Soul Keeper by Deanna Gray (While Spock is away with the young Saavik, Kirk fights his resentment for Spock leaving again so soon after Gol and VʼGer, something they then have to deal with when Spock returns.) (48)
  • Down and Out and Under the Table by Jenna Hilary Sinclair (After a party on board ship, a drunken McCoy sees Kirk and Spock kiss and almost make love as he lies under the table.) (left out of the table of contents) (64)
  • The Lone Helmsman, poem by Mary Garrett (78)
  • The Visitor, poem by Mary Garrett (79)
  • Clueless by Karen Dates (On a diplomatic mission with Sarek and Amanda, Kirk is subjected to unwanted advances by the overbearing inhabitants, which helps to create a smokescreen for Kirkʼs real mission.) (80)
  • The Confession by Malia Torm (After VʼGer, Kirk and Spock confess to the unhappiness both felt during their years apart.) (100)
  • First Time, poem by Susan Sicafoosh (left out of the table of contents) (107)
  • Starscraper Soul by Susan Sicafoosh (Spock allows Kirk to read an old log entry from his academy days in hopes that it will be the catalyst that brings them together as lovers.) (108)
  • The Bloom, uncredited poem (left out of the table of contents) (116)
  • McCoy's Lament, uncredited poem (left out of the table of contents) (117)
  • The Ultimate Vulcan by Kathy Stanis (After the debacle with M5, Spock sets up a shore leave for himself and Kirk at an isolated cabin with plans to make Kirk his lover.) (118)
  • Emotions, poem by Mary Garrett (135)
  • The Portrait, the Sandals, and the Secret by Scott Hunter (A native of a new contact planet recalls how Kirk and Spockʼs visit to his planet became the stuff of legend.) (136)
  • The Secret, poem by Robin Hood (162)
  • Through the Rushes, poem by Susan Sicafoosh (referred to as "inside back cover" in the the table of contents) (163)

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 48

See reactions and reviews for Paradise Regained.
See reactions and reviews for Fascinating Art Deux.
See reactions and reviews for Games.
See reactions and reviews for The Topic.
See reactions and reviews for Soul Keeper.
See reactions and reviews for The Confession.
See reactions and reviews for Starscraper Soul.
See reactions and reviews for The Ultimate Vulcan.
See reactions and reviews for Down and Out and Under the Table.
See reactions and reviews for The Portrait, the Sandals, and the Secret.
See reactions and reviews for Clueless.
[art]: There are three pieces of art in the zine that accompany poetry by Mary Garrett. These are older art by Pat Horowitz who has not been one of my favorite artists, but these three small faces are good. There are two Sareks and one Spock, and the Spock on page 78 is especially intriguing. It’s a very young Spock, hauntingly handsome.

Page 160B is a Shelley Butler Spock in ropes. Very nice. I only wish there was a matching Butler Kirk somewhere. And I would be terribly miffed if I paid full price for this zine and this art wasn’t in it.

Both covers are by Dew. The front Spock is okay— the back Kirk is very nice. The Kirk face is very good, and so is the rest of the package. Full frontal nudity...very upstanding full frontal nudity. My only quibble is Kirk is too thin-waisted. We can put some meat at the waist, and he’s still sexy—plus it’s more natural. [38]

Issue 49

front cover of issue #49, Shelley Butler -- "'Banded by Roses': Ah, another one of Shelley’s flower pictures! Very nice! This picture just happens to accompany a story that I wrote, and I think it illustrates a particular scene very well. Kirk, with a hint of a STI type uniform on, is thinking of Spock, who is naked. (Of course, you could also argue that it is the other way around, that Spock is thinking of Kirk, but for my purposes....) I love the way the picture is “unfinished” around the edges, the way the lines are drawn up from Kirk’s head and Spock’s hairline draws the viewer’s gaze upward, and imparts a sort of dynamic motion to a picture that otherwise might be more static. Very nice! "[39]
back cover of issue #49, Shelley Butler -- "This is another excellent piece in what has become Shelley’s trademark "flower series." She has absolutely nailed not only their faces, not an easy job by any means, but has managed to capture their emotions as well. Spock is deep in thought or perhaps he’s meditating, hands folded in his characteristic pose; Kirk has a look of longing on his face. The use of light and shadow, the textures, all are done perfectly, and the flowers balance the composition without intruding or drawing attention away from the characters’ faces where it belongs. Lovely, Shelley!" [40]

First Time 49 was published in January 1999 and contains 172 pages. Covers by Shelley Butler. Interior art by Terri Rett, Kathy Stanis, and KWATA.

  • In Name Only by Dana Austin Marsh (winner of a Silver Philon Award) (In order to keep Spock from being transferred, Kirk talks him into getting married “in name only”, unaware that Spock is in love with him.) (4)
  • My Kinda Guy, poem by Robin Hood (37)
  • Dust and Sadness by C. Joy (reviewed in the letterzine K/S Press, here) (After McCoy realizes the depth of Kirkʼs loneliness and despair even with Spockʼs return from Gol, he prods Spock into going to Kirk and telling him of his love.) (38)
  • Off-Scent by Karin Porter (Spock is avoiding Kirk after they beam up from the Rome-like “Earth” and Kirk finally realizes that itʼs Drusillaʼs scent on him that upset the Vulcan.) (56)
  • One Last Voyage by Rosemarie Heaton (Kirk looks for Spock after driving him away when his frustration over their not becoming lovers again after VʼGer erupts into anger.) (66)
  • Humanizing Influences by T'rhys ("You know Spock, I'm usually pretty quick but you've lost me here. Even if I am wearing only a bathrobe, how does my giving you a birthday present get to meaning I've propositioned you?" "It was not in the giving of the gift but in what was given." "What do you mean? Vulcans proposition people by giving them IDIC jewelry?" "Essentially correct.") (70)
  • Let Me Show You by Rosemarie Heaton, art by Terri Rett (Before returning to Genesis for Spockʼs body, Kirk watches a disc recorded by Spock the night after Kirk seduced him only to beam down to Flintʼs planet and fall for Rayna.) (72)
  • The Beamdown, poem by Robin Hood, with art by Kathy Stanis (85)
  • Butterfly Morning by Malia Storm (86)
  • The Deep End Of Emotion by Dana Austin Marsh (After Kirk help Spock thru pon farr they decide to go back to a platonic relationship, only to have their mutual love for each other gradually draw them together.) (88)
  • Sighs, poem (109)
  • Intermission by Cordelia Naismith (Spock runs into Kirk during intermission while at a concert and an understanding is reached between then in time for them to leave before the concert restarts.) (110)
  • How Far Apart, poem by Tevye (123)
  • The Unlucky Birthday by Fiona James (Kirkʼs mother thinks it unlucky that he was born on Sunday, but events, and Spock, eventually prove her wrong.) (124)
  • Transparent by Deanna Gray (Spock becomes invisible when caught in an explosion during at a lab experiment and is blackmailed by Intelligence to stay with them by threatening Kirkʼs career.) (130)

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 49

See reactions and reviews for Dust and Sadness.
See reactions and reviews for In Name Only.
See reactions and reviews for Off-Scent.
See reactions and reviews for One Last Voyage.
See reactions and reviews for Let Me Show You.
See reactions and reviews for The Deep End of Emotion.
See reactions and reviews for Intermission.
See reactions and reviews for The Unlucky Birthday.
See reactions and reviews for Transparent.
See reactions and reviews for Humanizing Influences.
See reactions and reviews for Butterfly Morning.
[cover art]: The front cover is "Banded by Roses." Beautiful, beautiful Spock in foreground thinking of Kirk, the smaller background figure. Being in STTMP uniforms, it's the slightly older Kirk and Spock, the characters with even more depth to their relationship, so we feel this depth in Spock's contemplation; and besides, they both look gorgeous. Spock's hands are steepled—we always love seeing his hands. And the flowers Shelley loves to surround them with. And the back, "Naked Love," well, this is probably what the Spock on the front is really thinking about, being naked being kissed by naked Kirk. Fully frontally naked, Spock is—a gorgeous sight. [41]
[art and poetry, see her reviews of fiction on their individual pages]: First Time 49 is nothing less than a classic in the making. It is filled from gracious front cover to glorious back cover with all manner of fine reading. There is humor and drama, anxiety and lightheartedness, romance and passion of the most erotic nature. The collection of authors and styles is a potpourri brimming with K/S treasures.

"Captain Spock Dreams" Front cover by Shelley Butler. How could anyone resist a zine that begins with a cover like this? There are flowers and Kirk and Spock resplendent in uniforms from The Motion Picture, all with that enviable trademark Shelley Butler realism! Kirk's eyes are alight—no doubt with wonder at seeing Spock again. His expression is dreamy and preoccupied and his masculine beauty must surely reflect how he is seen in Spock's eyes. Spock is wonderfully drawn. He is thoughtful, but their reunion has erased the lines of Gol from his face. Shelley has left him with a ghost of a frown as he ponders all that has happened. His beautiful and talented hands are steepled in front of him as he contemplates his future with Jim once again at his side. A stunning rendition that no fan of TMP would dare miss.

"Happy Spock" Back cover by Shelley Butler. Ah, looking at the innocence of the front cover, I was ready to proceed to the living room with my zine for a rainy afternoon's pleasure. Then I flipped it over. Ms. Butler has been naughty! Spock has an erection that fairly shouts his desire for his human. And no wonder! That same Human's lips are caressing his Vulcan smile. A human whose fingers have just found a hard Vulcan nipple. Very erotic and exciting! These bodies are magnificent, strong and muscular, yet the pose shouts sensitivity and tenderness. Once more something we have come to expect from this skilled artist. Kirk's lower half fades into the leafy border, depriving us of seeing a matching display of desire, but that's ok, his hands and lips say it all. I know when I slip a discreet cover over my zine Spock is going to turn the quarter turn that will bring him fully into Jim's arms. And that magnificent penis will slip into the welcoming warmth it seeks. Shelley's art truly speaks volumes and this is an impressive volume indeed.

MY KINDA GUY—Poem by Robin Hood. A sweet little ditty that says name doesn't matter and Sehlat's might fly, but that also matters little since "you're my kinda guy". A cute expression of love between "our" guys.

THE BEAMDOWN—Poem by Robin Hood, Art by Kathy Stanis. Ah, Errand of Mercy! And those glorious outfits. Ms. Stanis captures them in soft tones of gray, evoking thoughts of a memory treasured. When you read the words of Robin's poem it all becomes clear. For once Kirk did not see Spock as an officer, but as a man. And, she says, "The definition was desire." Very provocative thoughts to accompany a dreamy image.

BUTTERFLY MORNING by Iris Erikson. This is not so much a short story as it is a painting with words. It is Kirk describing Spock as he wakes up with the Vulcan at his side. Every beautiful inch of him is explored, from "artfully pointed ear" to more exotic places.

ART (Page 88) by Kwata. This is a sensual pencil (I think) drawing of Kirk resting his cheek against the back of Spock's neck. Whether I have described the medium correctly or not, the look of peace and satisfaction on both their faces is obvious. Kirk looks a bit more feminine than I prefer, but nonetheless, the serenity of the moment is captured for all to see.

SIGHS— Poem by tevye. I read this to be Kirk revealing his thoughts as Spock has left for Gol. It begins "Tonight I'll go to bed and hug the loneliness" and takes us along as Kirk examines why he let it happen. Because he was too proud to reveal his feelings. It ends with something akin to a desperate prayer, "...just let me make it somehow through yet another lonely night." Very moving and thought provoking.

TOO FAR APART— Poem by tevye. This is a poem that speaks of loneliness and longing. It could apply to anyone, but I can see it fitting Kirk and Spock, especially as their careers separate them more than they would like. In later years, I believe. As the author says, they are "counting the days" until life brings them together again.

CLOSING POEM by Robin Hood. Transparency is again the topic of these closing words. She flawlessly captures the signal moments of the story "Transparent". "Transparent he came, unseen, but never unfelt". The love is revealed in these few short words, and the zine comes to a close reminding us in Robin's words, "...if he loves me in return, (it is) more than enough." [42]
[art by Terri Rett]: These are in Terri's striking, rich ink work—really nice. She does good body language, too. Very expressive figures. This is ST4 times or thereabouts, that wonderful red cross-over tunic of Kirk's. He and Spock are walking the corridor of the ship. An off-duty casual air, very much just the two of them. They seem so tuned in to each other, Kirk talking about something knowing Spock is really hearing him...and it seems Spock has an almost-smile. [43]
[art by Terri Rett]: This is a lovely rendition of Kirk and Spock walking down the corridor of Deck 5, on their way to their joint quarters for a night of passion perhaps? Kirk, hands in pockets, is relaxed, intently saying something to Spock who has turned his head to listen. Done in pen and ink, this technique it cross-hatching?...looks to be extremely difficult and painstakingly intricate to do. It’s amazing how much texture the artist has managed to achieve; the shine of Spock’s hair, the thickness of the uniforms, the crisp folds of Kirk’s shirt. All are done very well. Nice work, Terri. I want more!

[art by Terri Rett]: I just love this pen and ink drawing of Kirk and Spock from Star Trek VI as they walk down the corridor together. Kirk’s gesture of his hands in his pockets is so perfect and Spock looks outward in his regal manner. But I especially like how the drawing is fully realized—with the entire environment shown. Really nice.

[art by Kwata]: A beautiful moment as Kirk rests on the back of Spock’s neck and closes his eyes. So softly rendered—one gets the feeling of quietness and softness. I love Spock’s elegant long neck and Kirk’s errant lock of hair. Also, this is the perfect drawing to go with the story “Butterfly Morning”.

[art by Kathy Stanis]: Paired with a Robin Hood poem, this is an early piece of artwork by Kathy. And even though it reproduced a little pale, it still shows the skill and quality that she puts into all of her artwork. I love those Organian outfits and how they stand close and look at each other. Also another good example of how background adds to a drawing and I love how Kirk’s hand rests lightly on the table. And the most perfect title! [44]

Issue 50

front cover #50 -- "The covers to FT 50 are a collage of covers of older issues, highlighted by a new color piece by long time GREAT artist Caren Parnes. Well, maybe it's not new, but I haven't seen it before. I can't read the date on it. It's a color Kirk and Spock that anyone would love to own a print of. It's gen, but who cares? On the front, the former covers celebrated are from First Time 1--[Gayle F]; FT 27--Marilyn Cole; FT 42--Shelley Butler; and FT 45--the late great Chris Soto." [45]

Another fan writes: "First Time 50 features a truly lovely collection of eight previous First Time covers (by Butler, Cole, Deeb, DEW, [Gayle F], Parnes, and Soto), reduced from their original size and attractively arranged on both the front and back covers. The front cover also includes a wonderful new color portrait by Caren Parnes. This is a great opportunity to compare and admire the various artists’ styles and to enjoy some of the very best K/S art all in one place. Also, it’s fun to see the familiar portraits juxtaposed with one another and to reinterpret them in their new` context. On the back cover, for example, there is a DEW portrait of a young, smiling Kirk, looking about as he would have when he first took over command of the Enterprise. Right next to it there is a Butler portrait of Spock from a time period perhaps a year or two later. Spock is turned toward the young Kirk, so it’s easy to imagine that he’s looking back in time, remembering what Kirk looked like the very first time he saw him." [46]

Another fan writes: "Caren Parnes, another classic Trek zine artist. Color pencil art showing a barechested Kirk sitting with his shirt draped over his shoulders, and Spock (fully-dressed) seated behind him, a hand reaching to touch his captain's back. I like to imagine they're in the locker room and just got dressed after taking a post-workout joint shower :-D The rendition of Kirk is one of the absolute best I've seen; I am especially fascinated by the smoothness of his skin and the velvety texture of his shirt. Spock is not quite as defined, as if he was a bit out-focus , but still beautifully drawn." [47]
back cover of issue #50 -- "On the back are celebrated these: FT 6-- Parnes; FT 28--DEW; FT 37--Deeb; and FT 47-- Butler. Overall, there's a pretty even mix between the two guys, though Spock does come out one ahead." [48]

First Time 50 was published in December 1999 and contains 227 pages. It has a cover by Caren Parnes. Other art by Shelley Butler, G.E. Mills, GOS, Liz Woledge, Nefertari, Chris Soto and I.M. Mueller. The editor notes that it cost between $700 and $800 to produce.

The second edition without the art was published in March 2001.

From the editorial:
…yes, there truly was only going to be one issue. A zine that would be all happy endings (had just read NOME 6 and after throwing it across the room) and no continued stories (sic), a tad more compact (sic): IE white space) and a bit easier to lift (sic). Yes as a matter of fact I am a lazy shit, and I do like my K/S happy and all there! I'm also an instant gratification baby and don't want to wait (sometimes years, sometimes never) for my story's ending! What's wrong with that?
  • Welcome Home by S.R. Benjamin Art by Chris Soto. (Scotty decides to leave the Enterprise after accidentally discovering that Kirk and Spock are lovers. Prequel: Officerʼs Row. ("The captain is grabbing Spock's shoulders, and Spock throws his head back, eyes closed, and strains against the body below his. I get the bolt tight in the rim seal bolt hole, and sealant spurts out.") (4)
  • Dreams and Reality, poem by Heidi Manzone (9)
  • Tomorrow Never Comes by Rosemarie Heaton (After their run in with the giant “amoeba”, Kirk and Spock become lovers, though Spock is unable to give himself totally at this time. "'S'okay, Spock, old boy. I'll leave you to your beauty sleep.' He started to turn away, then said, 'Oh, there is one more thing.' Spock felt every muscle in his back tighten. 'And that is?' he asked. 'If you've decided to take in laundry, you ought to be very careful not to mix the colors.'") (10)
  • Before and After, poem by Wan Ling (20)
  • Interview by Karla Kelly. (Spockʼs answers to an interview are different from his thoughts. "Skin to skin, buttocks pressed against my genitals, my hand caressing his chest in the aftermath of our loving.") (21)
  • Things That Go Bump by Corey Fauer (Spock and McCoy accompany Kirk to check out the old house Kirk has inherited and get a few surprises while there. "'Don't you think it would be a good idea if we all slept in the same room?' McCoy asked hopefully. 'Doctor, I have heard you snore at night. Even rattling chains and ghostly screams would be preferable.' 'Very funny, mister hobgoblin. Just because you fit right in here.'") (22)
  • Personal Endeavor by Amanda Fox (novella) (a complete novel). Art by Nefertari and Marianne Mueller (After confessing their feelings for each other as they reunite from the separation caused by Kirkʼs fear and anger, Spockʼs mind is attacked during a Romulan raid.) (30)
  • Magic, poem by Tevye (128)
  • Star Colt, poem by Robin Hood (129)
  • Lonely, poem by Tevye (131)
  • You and I, poem by Tevye (132)
  • Shore Leave Greetings by Mary Ellen Fisher. Art by GOS. (Kirk writes a note to Spock while he is on shoreleave, a note he fears he will probably never have the courage to send. "I'm missing you. Do you think of me?'") (130)
  • Travelog by Karla Kelly (Two reporters on the tourist beat try to get an interview fron Kirk and Spock who are staying together in one of the luxury suites at a starbase. "Below us we can see one such happy couple now. Or is it? It is! It's Captain Kirk and Commander Spock.'") (132)
  • Q&A, poem by Heidi Manzone (135)
  • Secrets by Mary Ellen Fisher. Art by Liz. (While on shoreleave, Kirk has a holograph commissioned of a nude Spock, to be kept hidden as is his desire for Spock. "It was like life itself. His friend in one of the most erotic poses imaginable. The sight let his body repsond immediately and brought a blush to his face.'") (136)
  • The Unexpected Gift by Heidi M.. Art by Shelley Butler. (Spock accompanies Uhura on a shopping expedition but when each has a package delivered to the ship, the accidental switching of them gives Spock what he has most desired "The captain opened his mouth. Closed it. Opened it and closed it, cleared his throat and began slowly, haltingly. 'I recieved your gift, Spock. I don't know what to say.'") (148)
  • The Return, poem by Anonymous (153)
  • Ghosts by C. Joy. (Kirk and the landing party are captured after beaming down to a planet dressed to fit into the cultural castes there and Kirk is drugged and forced to relive his fears and his “truths”. "Tell me what you fear.' 'I fear the death of all I love.'") (154)
  • Into the Light, poem by Tevye (177)
  • Too Late, poem by Tevye (177)
  • Forget by Kathy Stanis. Art by G.E. Mills. (On shoreleave together, Spock finally confesses to Kirk about the memories he removed of Rayna. "Not the time to tell him. Not when he's thinking about Vulcan warriors. Not when he walks so close, their steps in perfect rhythm... and the breeze carries his scent, plays with the silky fabric of his shirt, slips inside and teases his skin.") (178)
  • Our Garden, poem by Tevye (193)
  • The Bounds of Friendship by Elizabeth Scott. Art by Liz. (Kirk accompanies Spock as Spock acquires a paid companion for pon farr, but knowing that itʼs him Spock really wants, Kirk finally decides that he is willing to pay the price for the friend he loves. "'Therefore,' Spock said softly noting the near-terror in the large hazel eyes, 'you must be unreachable when the fever becomes uncontrollable. Of course, I would restrain myself in so far as I am able.'") (194)
  • World's Embrace by S.R. Benjamin. Art by GOS. (Kirk is at a captainʼs conference when Spock, going into pon farr, comes to his bondmate. "'I am awed and shaken, sir. What Vulcans must endure. But I made him a promise, and I intend to keep it. It isn't that what love is all about?") (202)
  • A Star Guide To Her, poem by Robin Hood (209)
  • Atlantis Stars by Deanna Gray. Art by Marianne Mueller. (Kirk and Spock visit an underwater installation where Kirk realizes his desire for Spock after accidentally seeing the commander of the base with his male lover. "'And leave you here?' Kirk considered it. 'Swim there, get another suite and tank and swim back. You'd be....' He stared in horror. 'I would be dead.'") (210)
  • Deep Water by Jenna Hilary Sinclair. Art by Shelley Butler. (While going through Starfleetʼs new medical process to combat the Klingon mindsifter, Kirk begins to realize that he and Spock have been under mental control for the last weeks. 'But whoever or whatever he is, Hanek'kan has been messing with my mind and the mind of my first officer.' A pure shot of anger squeezed his chest at the thought of anyone invading the sanctuary of Spock's mind, or witnessing his own private desires for his first officer…") (240)
  • In the Face of Gol, poem by Tevye (275)
  • Wrong Enough, poem by Tevye (275)
  • Needs, poem by Tevye (275)
  • Night Song, poem by J.H. Sinclair (inside back cover)
Inside page from issue #50, GOS for "World's Embrace." Note: Marked as sexually explicit; minimized.

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 50

See reactions and reviews for Welcome Home.
See reactions and reviews for Tomorrow Never Comes.
See reactions and reviews for Interview.
See reactions and reviews for Things That Go Bump.
See reactions and reviews for Personal Endeavor.
See reactions and reviews for Shore Leave Greetings.
See reactions and reviews for Travelog.
See reactions and reviews for Secrets.
See reactions and reviews for The Unexpected Gift.
See reactions and reviews for Ghosts.
See reactions and reviews for Forget.
See reactions and reviews for The Bounds of Friendship.
See reactions and reviews for World's Embrace.
See reactions and reviews for Atlantis Stars.
See reactions and reviews for Deep Water.
[interior art]: Chris Soto, page 7 (actually between 6 & 7 - -and you know that means these art pieces won't be in the reprints so buy the copies while you can) Very lovely young Kirk face.

[this fan's comments are on the art above]

OVERALL, FT 50 is a bargain. Ms. Hood is not charging anymore for it than a regular zine (unless I have misunderstood the pricing) and it's almost 300 pages and it has killer art in it. BUY IT NOW WHILE THERE IS STILL ART IN IT!!!! That's an order from Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock. [64]
[art]: Wow.... I really enjoyed this 'zine. First of all the cover art is something that I was totally blown away by and I wish I could have been allowed to see the pictures in full-size. As I leafed through the zine, I always check the art first, I'm sure I'm not alone in that. I was so pleasantly surprised by the beautiful, beautiful art that I was met with. I am very fond of Marianne Muller's drawings and she's getting better for each time I see something from her. I've got a treasure trove at home with a few of her original pieces and boy do I feel special…. [65]
[art by G.E. Mills on page 185]: This picture of Spock in a cape, walking along some wooden-planked pathway, is remarkable because the style is so different from what we have been accustomed to seeing in zines. It almost looks like a stamp, or a woodcut, more the later, I guess, with details very hazy but definitely implied. For example, Spock’s face is just a wavy line that ends before the chin appears, but it is definitely Spock. And it fits the story which is illustrates very well, I thought. Fascinating! [66]
[INTERIOR ART by G.E. Mills] Jenna reviewed this back in the March issue, and I second her enthusiasm for this work. I remember G.E. Mills from the Scattered Stars covers she did which I loved. This piece is very effective as Jenna points up that we know it’s Spock despite the indistinct lines. Also as Jenna points out, the style like a woodcut is lovely. It’s kind of haunting as Spock is wearing a cape and is walking over a bridge maybe, with trees and plants. I love how all these things are clearly shown despite the simplicity. INTERIOR ART by Liz: This was also reviewed by Jenna and once more, I am in agreement with my PP’s taste! I, too, love this piece and how serene and contemplative this Spock is. It’s beautifully done with the light and shadow and the pose is gorgeous as Spock leans against the doorway with his hands in his pockets and the soft smile on his face. Jenna also properly pointed out how lovely the “Vulcan ass” is defined. [67]
[art by GOS]: In my effort to actually title artwork instead of by the page number, I’m calling this piece by the title of the poem it accompanies. I don’t think anyone has commented on this yet, but I’ll be the first to say I think it’s great. It’s a small pen and ink of Spock at Gol with the expression he wore when he was hearing Kirk calling to him from afar. Maybe this work might be easy to miss because it’s next to text, but take a look. Spock’s features are shown beautifully with just a few fine ink lines and it’s also a very difficult expression to render and to get just right. It also goes beautifully with the poem by Tevye. [68]
Marianne Mueller has three pieces of interior artwork in First Time 50 and I like all of them.

Opposite page 126 there is a lovely portrait of Kirk and Spock embracing in bed. The likenesses are good and the details are great: I love the way that stray lock of hair has slipped down over Kirk’s forehead, just as we all know it must when he’s making love to our favorite Vulcan. The expression on Kirk’s face is soft and loving and he looks as if he’s just about to lean down and kiss Spock. Spock’s head is resting against Kirk’s chest and shoulder. The Vulcan’s mouth is turned down just a bit at the corner (he’s in profile so we don’t see his entire mouth), his shoulder is lifted off the bed just a little, and his hand is resting on Kirk’s chest, staying just clear of the nipple. This really feels like a first-time encounter: Kirk looks a little awestruck, as if he can’t quite believe what’s happening, and Spock seems a little tense and maybe a bit uncertain about letting his fingers stray to that nipple. But we all know that when Kirk leans down for that kiss, Spock is going to forget all about those Vulcan inhibitions.

Opposite page 227 there is a portrait of Kirk and Spock that goes very well with the accompanying story. Here again, the likenesses are good and the artist has paid a great deal of attention to detail (right down to the tendons in Kirk and Spock’s hands). But what struck me most about this piece is the expression on Kirk’s face: it made me feel as if I were looking not at his external appearance, but at his raw emotions. Because of that, I would have to say that this is the best of the three.

The third piece is opposite page 236 and is a full- length picture of Kirk and Spock embracing, naked, with Kirk on top. This portrait, in my opinion, is not quite as good as the other two, but it’s still fun to look at. I especially like the way Spock’s bent knee frames the curve of Kirk’s buttocks. [69]


  1. from Come Together #16
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  10. Master List of K/S Favorites, Mary Monroe
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  47. Master List of K/S Favorites, Mary Monroe
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