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It was published in the print zine First Time #50.
This story won a STIFfie Award.
"On shoreleave together, Spock finally confesses to Kirk about the memories he removed of Rayna."
Reactions and Reviews
I love this little story, it's impossible not to be charmed by it. Its only a brief interlude—Cpt. Kirk and his First Officer and friend Spock on R&R. touring a museum show of Flint's paintings of the android Rayna.
And it is Spock, wrestling with his conscience because of how he invaded Kirk's mind to ease his painful memories of Rayna; Spock struggling with his deep abiding love for his adored Captain—a Captain that Spock is desirous of seducing. We are fortunate to get a full hearing of Spock's thoughts as he walks protectively by Kirk's side through the museum.
In his own inimitable way, Spock exudes animal sensuality and Kirk is not immune to it. The author gives us a delicious picture of an enthralled Kirk watching Spock open the neck of his blue shirt and rolling up his sleeves to the sun. Ifs a lovely image that made me very warm, imagining Kirk's admiring eyes as he observes. From then on their easy relationship turns intense.
Thankfully, there is very little conflict between them when Spock finally admits his unauthorized intrusion into Kirk's sleeping mind. Though temporarily sidetracked by hurt feelings on Kirk's part, the course of true love eventually runs smooth. Surprise!
Kirk is receptive then and copes with the startling revelation with kindness and love. Without Spock, Kirk realizes he is spiritually empty, and is man enough to confess his true feelings.
From there, Kathy tackles the flesh itself in a stunning scenario. One of the most romantic, satisfying love scenes I've ever read. It was thoroughly wonderful—actually perfect! For one reason because Kathy lets us in on the emotions Spock was experiencing at every turn, during all his tender and arousing initiation into physical love with his adored human. Spock's poignant, wistful thoughts are heartbreaking as he at first clings to his innate formality, but then succumbs to Kirk's need and moves toward a celebration of the their soul-deep desire.There is a terrific description of the meld, so exciting! It fulfilled all my fantasies, the ones about eternal love, faithfulness and trust Such a simple story, such a high level of romance. After I finished reading it, I dropped the zine. fell back on the bed and said, Wow! Thanks, Kathy, for that. Wow! 
Nice, very nice, there is something about this lady's style that I really like. Although written in the third person the tone is remarkably intimate, Spock's thoughts being written in a very distinctive manner, this creates a sense of difference despite Spock's fairly human concerns. I like the way Spock thinks of Kirk as 'his Captain' even when they are making love, it is both possessive and subtly 'submissive' and although many authors do this it seems to work especially well here. Spock's desire to seduce Jim is well balanced with his guilt over the Rayna incident and his conflict lucidly expressed. What I most admire is the style of the prose, it is obviously something distinctive to the author as it reminded me instantly of her other story 'Quirk of Fate'. Incidents and feelings are made to run into one another in a way which reminds me of the literary term 'stream of consciousness'. In short, it works, and I admire and recommend it. 
When First Time 50 arrived at my door, the first story to which I turned was Forget by Kathy Stanis. My expectations were not dashed, this is a wonderful, moving story. Kirk and Spock are on shore leave together, one that Spock has carefully arranged and for which he has great hopes, but while on the planet they come across an exhibit of paintings by Flint, in his various manifestations. The exhibit makes Spock think of Rayna, and what he considers to be the dastardly meld he had performed “on” instead of “with” Kirk, to remove the hurt of Kirk’s memories of Rayna. He feels he must confess what he has done before he can begin to initiate an intimate relationship with his captain.
The plot is simple but is explored in Kathy’s wonderfully subtle style. Her first line—I am in control of my emotions—sets the stage for what Spock so desperately wants, a time when he won’t have to be in control because he will have given and revealed all to Kirk.
There are some wonderful lines in this story, my favorite is: “Captains shouldn’t be so beautiful....” Also, “He felt the familiar aching in his fingertips.” How beautifully expressed, and how insightful this is. Then, of course, Spock clasps his hands behind his back, because he is in control, isn’t he?
There’s so much more about this story to talk about but I’ll let you discover it for yourself. It’s a little gem. I see that Liz has written about the remarkably intimate style Kathy uses in the review printed above, and I totally agree. In stories like this one, it is almost as if Kathy weaves a very special spell, she throws a net over the reader and draws you into her special vision of Jim and Spock together, where there are no distractions and nothing else exists. Sigh. I like it there!Highly recommended! 
I seem to come back to this story again and again. It's one of the most romantic K/S stories I've ever read. We all know the famous "forget" scene and what Spock did for his captain—to help him forget Rayna. This is set sometime after and follows Spock on his heartbreaking journey to tell Jim the truth...and also to reveal, at last, his hidden love for his captain.
Spock's inner dialogue is masterful. We hear his struggle and his deep feelings for the only person to ever capture his Vulcan heart. This is how I see Spock. And the portrayal of Jim is sensitive and caring and yet there is no question that ifs still the strong Captain Kirk we love.
My favorite part, besides the awesome love scene at the end, is where Kirk admits his love for Spock. He tells him that he's been so weary of chasing women and having women chase him. He says it's like an addiction. Then goes on to add that Spock has changed everything he thought he knew about himself.This is how I see Kirk. The portrayals of K and S are true to what we see in TOS, which I prefer. We knew Kirk loved women; we knew Spock was pretty much sexually inexperienced. And yet, love was born between them. My kind of K/S story. This author captured that very believably and with just the right amount of angst thrown in for good measure. A story that should be read slowly and savored. 
This beautiful, moment in time story focuses on Spock’s dilemma of having to reveal to Kirk (who he loves and adores) that he melded with him to “forget”.
The tension is palpable as Spock struggles with himself whether to say anything or not. Every moment with Kirk as they walk through a museum is so extraordinary that Spock doesn’t want to destroy it. Everything is so vivid and with such exquisite detail, especially as seen through Spock’s eyes. “Captains shouldn’t be so beautiful....” They walk through town and through a park as they talk. This technique—that of surrounding internal thoughts with action that the reader can visualize—makes the thoughts and feelings come alive. When they stop at a bookstore and bump into two Vulcans, it brings up the subject of Kirk being seen with Spock. Kirk notices the odd behavior and Spock knows that the Vulcans knew of Spock’s feelings for human. Kirk says how he loves being with Spock which only makes it harder for Spock to want to reveal the truth. At a restaurant, Kirk is ordering dessert and Spock says: “Jim, there is something I must tell you.” This is such an inspired moment to choose to have Spock reveal the truth to Kirk. The frivolous, delicious dessert which is like Spock’s delicate joy becomes leaden and terrible and is left untouched. Spock tells him and it’s a devastating moment. Kirk gets up and leaves restaurant. Tells Spock he wants to walk alone. Last line of scene: “I did it because I love you,” he said, but his friend kept walking.” The writing is excellent especially Spock’s inner thoughts that go along with the action. Not only does this perfectly capture Spock’s inner turmoil, but how he views the world. I was also impressed with the impact that the closeness of Spock’s point-of-view had on how we saw Kirk and how he comes alive through Spock’s eyes so vividly. This kind of writing is a wonderful example of how we can see characters as clearly as possible without switching the point-of-view. “He stepped through the patio gate and Spock turned to him...an ocean of distance between them. ‘Spock, I’m sorry...’ Spock I’m sorry but I’m putting you in for a transfer I don’t love you I don’t trust you. ‘...for leaving, for walking off like that. I just...I’m sorry.’” This is only one of many superbly crafted moments and scenes that are so real, so filled with feeling without heavy-handed angst. The scene where they discuss the situation was just as beautifully done. Spock prepares the brandy and they drink together (of course, I love that). They sit outside on the patio, under the stars, next to the ocean. When Kirk says: “You said you love me, Spock.” Wow. What a scene—“Can you say it to my face? Will you?” So Spock does say it! “...his captain looking up at him as if the words were kisses.” I loved Spock’s volatile inner emotions (held firmly in control) and the way he goes back and forth between joy and despair. One second he’s relieved and happy, the next second he’s sure the world is crashing in on him. I loved how Spock kept thinking of how close Kirk was next to him or how close he stood next to Kirk or how close they were standing or if something was between them. This didn’t come across as obsessive, if that’s how it sounds. It’s more like Kirk’s proximity is important to Spock at this moment because of what he has to reveal. What a wonderful moment when Kirk says about the mind-meld: “Every time we’ve done it, it hasn’t been enough, and I’ve wanted it again. I wanted it just for pleasure. I don’t even know if you do that...for pleasure.” I loved Spock’s comparison of the mind-meld to a good back rub! So incredibly gorgeous—this mind-meld scene: “My heart to your heart” which was said in the Blish novelizations, which I take as canon. “Is this what you call rejuvenating?” Then: “Do you also wish me to ask before I kiss you?” They are both heavily aroused and it’s so sexy and romantic. This is the kind of sex scene I love—the build-up is powerful and it’s very erotic before they actually do anything. “Take me to bed, Spock.” And this: “Spock slid his penis down the length of the human’s; it throbbed against the taut, plump testicles. “Yes or no?” Or this: “’How about...you tell me what you want to do....’ Spock quickly sought the common human term. ‘I wish to suck your cock.’ ‘Oh, Spock—yes.’” Then one of the hottest mutual fellatio scenes ever as an author of this caliber can write—all with powerful emotions underlying the sex and stream-of- consciousness that sweeps the reader along toward orgasm. (Theirs, that is!) Perfect line at end after Kirk says he doesn’t want to ever forget the feeling: “If you forget, I will remind you. Vulcans never forget.”Sigh. 
This story is wonderfully intimate and evocative— trademark characteristics of work by this very talented author. Reading a piece such as this makes me feel as though I’m there with Kirk and Spock, seeing what they see and feeling what they feel. I think this happens at least partly because the writing is so concise and immediate. For example, there are no lengthy descriptions of the setting, yet I had such a vivid sense of the city and what it was like for Kirk and Spock to be there together on leave. And consider a sentence such as this: “All Spock wanted to do was savor having his captain on his arm on this beautiful afternoon moving toward evening, toward night....” This is lovely and, again, so evocative, both telling and suggesting much in a few simple words. I like so many things about this story. Its basic premise is wonderful. Kirk and Spock happen upon an exhibit of paintings by Mr. Flint, all portraits of Rayna, whom Kirk barely remembers because of the meld Spock had performed to remove his captain’s painful memories of that incident. Spock realizes two things: that he cannot hope to become more intimate with Kirk with such a deception between them, and that confessing what he had done—and why—might actually serve as a catalyst for the very intimacy he desires. Eventually he does tell Kirk what happened, and Kirk, apparently upset by the revelation, turns and walks away. At this point Spock commits what must be for him a true act of quiet desperation when he says to his captain’s retreating back, “I did it because I love you.” What a poignant, absolutely wonderful moment— and it’s only one of many in this lovely story. 
I’ve been known to devour stories. Even whole books. But this short story I couldn’t treat in that fashion. As with most of this author’s work, this story begs to be savored like fine wine. Like chocolate, even: Belgian, ephemerally light. The story set a slow, sweet pace and yet I couldn’t put it down any more easily than I could have put down a blistering page-turner.
There is great beauty in this story of a Spock who both desperately wants to seduce Kirk and desperately wants to be forgiven for having tampered with Kirk’s memories at the end of “Requiem for Methuselah.” The perfectly balanced tension between these two desires is one of the things that keeps this story moving at a slow yet unstoppable pace. The other, of course, is language so beautiful, dialogue so spot-on, that I could not resist reading many sentences twice, repeating whole passages aloud just for the sound of them. Savoring them, like the meal and then the 100-year-old brandy Kirk and Spock share as events unfold. The brandy works as one of those little subconscious details that remind us that perfection cannot be rushed. This author is simply brilliant at choosing just such details and pressing them into double and triple duty. The story unfolds at the perfect pace, and yet look how simply, poignantly, and immediately the author sets the scene and reveals Spock’s inner conflict: ...
[much snipped due to length]
... There’s so much more to comment on. The issue of trust and how they resolve it. Kirk’s slipping his arm through Spock’s as they stroll, which, handled differently, could have been jarringly out of character, but was exactly right here. Kirk’s maturity in coming back to apologize (this is not a Kirk who tantrums, as some authors have had him do). The beautiful love scene. The ending, an exact match to the beginning.This story makes me daydream. The title notwithstanding, it’s one story I am unlikely to forget. I sincerely hope Kathy is busy working on more. 
- from The K/S Press #80
- from The K/S Press #42
- from The K/S Press #42
- from The K/S Press #51
- from The K/S Press #43
- from The K/S Press #44
- from The K/S Press #44