Secrets (Star Trek: TOS story by Mary Ellen Fisher)
|Author(s):||Mary Ellen Fisher|
|Fandom:||Star Trek: The Original Series|
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It was published in the print zine First Time #50.
"While on shoreleave, Kirk has a holograph commissioned of a nude Spock, to be kept hidden as is his desire for Spock.""
Reactions and Reviews
This is a kind of fairy tale story with events that aren’t quite logical. Even Kirk and Spock don’t find eventual explanations for the mysterious being Kirk meets while on Shore Leave, or why the portrait of Spock he paints for Kirk actually transfers sensations to the real Spock...But a reader can suspend belief for a story like this and just enjoy the emotions that reside beneath the surface. I really like that Kirk carried around a picture of himself and Spock taken at a conference from a few years before, and that the mysterious being uses it, and a meld, to paint an erotic picture of Spock masturbating on a beach! I like that Spock had a copy of the same picture in his closet on the ship. He hadn’t cut the picture from The Galactic Reporter “So he could always pretend, if someone accidentally discovered it, that he was interested in the article, not in the picture.” Sure, the same way that human males like to read the articles in Playboy! I thought that was very clever touch. 
A very entertaining story of Kirk commissioning an explicit portrait of Spock from a mysterious artist.
It’s nicely structured using Kirk’s POV as he is so affected by his feelings for Spock and this secret portrait, that he masturbates each night. Unbeknownst to both, Spock is simultaneously receiving the powerful, lustful feelings from Kirk. Lots of neat details like Spock’s favorite drink is lemon juice! I must say “Brava!” to Ms Fisher for showing a computer on board the Enterprise that talks instead of only showing text on a screen. Thank you. Also, some very good writing with clear characterizations. Lots of cleverness that I thoroughly enjoyed: “Christ, his mother would surely faint if she saw the picture.” Then: “Perhaps he should ask Spock. Show him the picture and watch him faint faster than his mother.” There’s an excellent scene when they face each other with the truth, but an unsuccessful scene of their love-making because it was told and too brief. Also, a few small awkward writing moments like: “They fell to eating.” And “Their heads snapped around.”Not to make a big deal out of the latter, it’s just something I’ve noticed, myself, when writing K/S. I know that’s what heads do when they turned suddenly, but it sounds odd, doesn’t it? “Heads snapped” sounds like it snapped off. 
Secrets is a real treat! It is so imaginative, blending mysticism and intrigue and some tremendously touching unrequited love. Kirk is on shore leave alone and is miserable. As the story opens he is sitting on the beach, head in hands (accompanied by a marvelous sketch of same by Liz), letting his feelings swamp him in despair. He loves Spock, but can never admit his love to anyone but himself. Living with this pain is becoming intolerable. He visits the nearby city, aimlessly wandering from shop to shop, interested only in some diversion from his loneliness.
The shop he finds hidden in an alleyway is called “Magic Portraits”. He is drawn to it and to the realistic artwork he finds within. A wizened storekeeper encourages him to have a portrait made and he pulls a worn magazine photo of Spock from his pocket. If he can never have the real thing, as least this kind of remarkable likeness would be some solace. Spock, on the other hand, is sleeplessly stalking the corridors of the Enterprise, awaiting the return of his T’hy’la. To console himself, he goes to his closet and gazes fondly at a magazine photo of him and his Captain. He and Jim together. What can never be. This is so poignantly written it just tears at your heart. Now, Kirk spends his evenings with his nude portrait of Spock, and his mind goes where his body cannot – to Spock. He loves him with his mind, the mental images and the startling photograph bringing him to physical, if not emotional completion. So lonely. Spock cannot rest. He has gone for days without sleep awaiting Kirk’s return and now it completely eludes him. His meditation takes him into strange bouts of lust, and he brings himself to solitary climax in the confines of his room. Finally, he seeks wisdom in a book from Vulcan’s pre- reform past and reaches a conclusion about how to handle his feelings.This is so original and remarkably well told. It is one of those with the qualities that make it one you will never forget.