From the Heart (Star Trek: TOS story)

Fanfiction
Title:	'From the Heart
Author(s):	Jenna Hilary Sinclair
Date(s):	1998
Length:
Genre(s):	slash
Fandom(s):	Star Trek: TOS
Relationship(s):	Kirk/Spock
External Links:	From The Heart
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From the Heart is a K/S story by Jenna Hilary Sinclair.

It was published in the print zine First Time #47. It is also available online.

Summary

From the publisher: "After VʼGer, Kirk struggles with the realization of what he feels for Spock and how to go about telling his friend of them."

Reactions and Reviews

Unknown Date

Kirk confesses. What I like about this one is that Spock is very Vulcan about it - or tries to be. And also a bit of originality in anatomy, which always makes me happy.

1998

This is a fairly simple Kirk's thoughts about Spock/taking his courage in both hands and telling Spock how he feels story, but if the plot is basic the writing is not. Jenna has chosen to write this from Kirk's PoV in first person present tense - probably one of the hardest styles of writing to do, but she has done it extremely well and it lifts the story from being merely good to being very good.

Yes indeedy, the zine is chock full of good stories and this was one of them. Another one of my all time favorite authors. She did a good job of writing Kirk's analysis of where he went wrong with his relationship with Spock and decides to take the bull by the horn and finally tell Spock that he loves him, but that was the shell. The nut of the story which made my jaws drop was when after Kirk told Spock that he loves him, Spock in turn explains to Kirk that he is a Vulcan with a Vulcan upbringing and that new languages were harder to learn later in life and in his usual lecturer round about speech was that emotional declaration, vocabularies that were not in the Vulcan language is something that he will have to learn to speak and in general asking Kirk to accept it for what and who he is. Kirk , as usual, couldn't give a you know what about it because he loves Spock. Okay, now that I gave out the whole scoop of the story. I was surprise because the author had written a well thought out slice of Vulcan culture and thoughts of this emotion issue. In many stories that I have read where Kirk make a declaration "I love you." I always thought it was bizarre that a Vulcan even a half Vulcan would say the same thing in reply, considering his reserve upbringing and how his human mother follow the Vulcan ways, I could not imagine him saying something like that. The point of this story made more sense to me than most of the ones I have read where Spock says "I love you." I like the fact that the author have Spock state his declaration in a nonemotional, matter of fact, and lecturer tone in keeping with his character and upbringing. I love the Vulcan culture and stories that explores it. This is one excellent story in which it does exactly that. Two Mega Thumbs up for me.

These words are not going to say how deeply I felt when reading this story. I savored it, drawing out the minutes reading it, and besides, so much welled up inside me I had to keep looking away, stop reading and just feel....

And besides the heart which shows through Jenna's writing of Kirk and Spock, I was at the same time admiring her skill. This is first-person, present-tense Kirk. If you've noticed, I always have to comment on how I have some innate bristling against first-person stories because I need to know when the person is writing or telling it. (Even harder for my mind to accept is that they're just "feeling" it, or it wouldn't be in this form.) And then the present-tense feels so artificial — how can we be reading what someone is thinking at the moment? Well, I know this is a perfectly valid point of view and tense to write in, and I just have to get over it and just dig it; and a story written so wonderfully as this made that easy.

At first the present tense isn't obvious; Kirk is contemplating. It's the second five-year mission, after his stint behind the desk on Earth. I love how he contemplates even the words he uses for his feelings. He is thinking about lying for military expediency .... but there is one being he cannot lie to, the one he's fallen in love with.

The long passage of Kirk's contemplations is seductive, in the sense that I felt fully inside Kirk's head and heart by the time, after this long contemplation, that events begin in present tense. I had a deep understanding of how he feels about Spock and about himself and the years that have passed between them, and where he wants it to go. This Captain Kirk knows who he is; yet there is the deliciousness of his not knowing how Spock really feels.

So they talk. It starts out slowly .... my heart was thumping; my knees felt weak. Such a courageous man, to take the risk, to say such beautiful words of how he feels and what he wants.

There are quite a number of gorgeous lines and passages, making me breathless in these long, drawn- out moments, each little movement and expression as if with that special camera lighting on it (you know, that they used for Kirk's face a lot?). And I love how we get Kirk's feelings about how Spock looks to him as these words are finally being said.

Spock's not being "fluent in emotion" is used to good effect. "My knowledge is imperfect...I am unsure you would accept my motivations as a match for your own." But of course once Kirk makes the physical move (oh god, I could hardly stand it), Spock is right there, regardless of his motivations.

I would quote many lines and passages, the ones that had me breathless, but you can just read them yourselves.

Here's just one small thing I loved, in Kirk's thoughts. First person is so nice for being able to write lines such as this. "...my imagination buried deep in a meld with Spock."

And they do meld, and it's a particularly delicious one, in Kirk's beautiful ungrammatical delirious stream-of-consciousness. An exquisite nakedness, I honestly almost couldn't take it, just as Kirk almost couldn't.

And the sex is hot, hot. I love Kirk's demandingness; and the frozen moments as they look into each other's eyes.

Sigh...and the end had lovely repetition of lines which Kirk had thought earlier, how he had imagined it would be, how it is now being....

Though there's one aspect my heart might not agree with (that Kirk never really found himself attracted to Spock physically), I would call this Kirk and Spock quintessential; they are perfection. I mean, as near to perfection as we would want our gorgeously "human" (i.e., flawed) heroes to be.

The story itself is very "essential" also; a bare-bones look into the hearts of post-V'ger Kirk and Spock. It's stories like this that really make me know why I love K/S so much.

I usually enjoy Jenna’s stories and this is my favorite to date. In less than nine pages, the author does a wonderful job of showing us the transcendent power of the sort of love which is grounded in real friendship, respect, and understanding. She really knows these characters. And she’s written one of the best descriptions of the initiation of a mind meld I’ve ever read. This is a great story to read and re-read.

A good subtitle for this story could have been "Jim and Spock grow up." This is one of the most mature first time stories I've ever read. Completely and thoroughly enjoyable.

This is a nine page story by Ms. Sinclair, but actually if you take out the graphics and the ending poem (all of which are merely space fillers or takers) it's more like 7 1/2 pages. This is a first person story with little plot and no action for 5 to 6 pages. Kirk is examining his feelings and goes to tell Spock how he feels. This is written so distinctively that this 360th retelling of the same plot line is interesting. The vocabulary use and sentence structure make this story. There are, for me, only a few missteps—and since this story depends completely on the wording—I mention it. Maybe two times I was taken aback or bothered by the word choice, one of them being "phallus". It just struck me as odd. The rest of the time I was engrossed and thinking how wonderfully this was written. I especially liked Spock's explanation about his ability to feel emotion and Kirk's immediate understanding. I don't want to explain this as you should enjoy this story on your own without having punch lines revealed. I think the story is a little rushed toward the end, but then I think that about 90% of all stories. Good story— very nicely written. And there's one phrase that definitely sticks in my mind—see page 74 and I bet you can find it out easily.

This was the only story I actually managed to read during Shore Leave, so I thought it would be an appropriate subject for my con-inspired LOC. It would be appropriate no matter what the occasion, however, because "From the Heart" is a little gem. In just under nine pages, the author gives us an intimate look into the mind and heart of James Kirk, as told in his own words. One of the wonderful things about this piece is that the first person point of view allows Kirk's personality and values to come through with such clarity, yet never distracts with language which seems awkward or out of character. Writing in the first person allows easy and convincing access to a character's thoughts and emotions, but it can be a real balancing act in other ways. Having a character relate events and describe his surroundings while keeping his words believable is not always a simple task. In this story, Jenna makes it look easy. And not only does she have Kirk speak of his feelings and of the past, but she takes us into the present moment as well. By the end of the story, Kirk is actually relating events as they happen. This always strikes me as a rather artificial situation; how can someone describe an event to me even as he's living it? Yet this approach can work if done carefully, and it most definitely does worfc here. I felt as if I were with Kirk as he goes to Spock's quarters—and considering the result of their discussion, that's a very good place to be! I also appreciate the portrayal of Kirk as a man who is willing to look honestly at his feelings and then act accordingly. He realizes that he has fallen in love with Spock; he comes to regret having deceived his friend by keeping the truth to himself. This is his entire motivation for speaking out—no pon farr, ship's crisis, or impending doom - and I found the situation moving and entirely believable.

I recently read First Time 47 (I can’t stop looking at its cover. This is exactly “my” Spock!) and I loved From the Heart. I love stories written in the first person. I love the expression “my love is a walking dictionary sometimes” or “That your regard is returned.” I smiled at that, such a Spock-like way to say “I love you, too” And the meld!! I only can say, “Thank you for this, Jenna!”

Told in the first person POV by Kirk on the second five year mission, this is a lyrical account of his feelings about the Enterprise (“my lovely lady”), his friendship with McCoy, and, most importantly, his love for Spock.

He’s been keeping this a secret until this night when he decides to tell Spock. Gasp—it’s such a beautiful scene—so intimate, so close, so moment-to- moment.

Kirk tells Spock he loves him in such a quiet, yet emotion-filled way. “My words fall on his skin like a soft rain, opening him up from his stiff posture in the chair, coaxing him forward until he’s leaning towards me.” What a gorgeous image — like a blossoming flower.

I love how Spock says he’s an emotional virgin and that his language doesn’t include words of love.

They kiss and Kirk feels their melding: “Now it’s like honey, thick and beautifully golden, slowly creeping down the windowpane of my being, coating me with sweet, sweet nectar for my spirit.”

Then the writing shifts gears and the pace gets faster along with Kirk’s growing passion. It’s done so well with short sentences linked together that carry the reader along with Kirk’s emotions.

“I’m going to die, I love you so much and I can’t feel anything more, I’m going to die of happiness, come to me, closer, closer, I need to die from you in joy....”

And then when the meld breaks, the writing slows down again with longer sentences. This is truly fine writing.

Gorgeous, hot sex, but: “three tiny slits at the top”? Nope.

But how clever and delightfully funny when Kirk says, “Come for me” and Spock says: “Achieve orgasm, now.”

2000

I liked this story; I guess it is because I can relate to it. As I begin to "wax nostalgic", reviewing my past: events, decisions, relationships, I ask whether they were good or bad. Hindsight/foresight, who knows. To be able to identify one person who touched my life in such a profound way is a treasure. As I read this story, and go with Jim as he mentally inventories his stops along life's way, I seem to share the questions. "I'm not sure when I realized I'd fallen in love with . . . Spock," Jim asks himself. (I know when I fell in love with this beautiful Vulcan!) This logical approach to his thoughts amuses me; it substantiates the fact that people do affect us in ways we are not always aware; here Jim "logically" reviews his thoughts, hoping to come to an answer to his equation. But human thoughts are not so easily deduced. Jim then realizes he must go face to face with Spock to tell him "how he feels". Jim tells Spock those three little words. (Can you guess what they were?) This is a wonderful story of human thoughts intertwining with Vulcan logic to say how it is between these two men. I encourage you to read this story, and say with Jim and Spock, "Come with me and be my love."