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It was published in the print zine First Time #48.
"While Spock is away with the young Saavik, Kirk fights his resentment for Spock leaving again so soon after Gol and V'Ger, something they then have to deal with when Spock returns."
Reactions and Reviews
I liked this story involving Spock's guardianship of Saavik, but I was left wondering what the author's reasoning was for including the B-story about Saavik. I suppose we could call this a "slice-of-life" story, and Spock's connections with Saavik just happen to coincide with the K/S scenario that is going on. But I didn't feel a real connection between these two scenarios...though the All knows this is one of our writing challenges and certainly isn't easy. What melds in the writer's mind might not seem so connected in the readers.
Anyway, there were some beautiful parts of this story. It's post-Vger, and Spock has just returned from Hellguard where he found and adopted Saavik. Kirk is definitely now ready to declare his love for Spock. The whole story Spock tells Kirk about teaching Saavik. etc., was written a bit long and dense, but had really good Vulcan stuff in it about the parent- child link he has with her, and that she can feel in Spock the deeper link he has with Kirk.
A gorgeous scene of Kirk waking up from a dream and Spock is there sitting on his bed. Very electric—their initial touching of each other, and it goes from there. Lovely sex and closeness.We also get a nice dose of the anguish they both went through when Spock had left, in their discussing it now. Their commitment to a life together now seems clear; and this is where I wondered about making a point about Spock adopting Saavik. Maybe it just didn't click for me personally, but presumably the author wanted to show a complete marriage-and-family thing. This is one of those times I'd like to know the author's intent, and then given that, I can better appreciate the scenario. 
Spock has been away from the Enterprise and Kirk while he was training Saviik. but is finally coming back. A wonderful scene is where Saviik questions Spock about his link wrth Kirk. He tells her that Kirk is Thyia\ So beautiful: "...he is within my heart." Terrific opening of the next scene when Spock is kissing Kirk and it's a dream. But then Spock really does return. And what a return! This is so wonderful-no more pretense or pretending—they are older and wiser. So adorable when the next morning McCoy bursts into Kirk's quarters and finds Spock in bed with Kirk. Then a lovely, emotional conversation followed by some passionate fellatio that helps make this story one that's filled with love for Kirk and Spock." 
Although I cannol be certain... this appears to be one of Deanna's early works. While it doesn't have the polish and distinct style of her more recent stories, here one can clearly see the roots of talent that have grown over time to produce one of the best K/S authors around today.
This particular tale takes place after ST;TMP and before the events of ST II. Kirk and Spock are apart once again, but this time the separation is only temporary. Kirk is once again in command of the Enterprise while Spock has taken temporary leave to assist in the care of Savick, whom he rescued from Hellguard. The story opens with a conversation between Kirk and McCoy as Kirk eagerly anticipates the return of his Vulcan. He tells McCoy that once Spock is back on board, he intends to tell the Vulcan exactly how he feels about him and that he was "tired of all the games and side-stepping we always seem caught up in. I'm not letting him out of my sight again. As soon as he's back, he's mine." McCoy wholeheartedly agrees and informs Kirk that from all indications, Spock is finally ready to take that next step, as well Kirk then admits to some feelings of jealousy toward Savick "because she took Spock away from me again." McCoy tells Kirk that it was just as hard for Spock to go, but it was necessary and that Kirk shouldn't let those feelings of jealousy and resentment come between he and Spock because the Vulcan "is coming back and you are the reason why." Kirk realizes McCoy is right and everything that happened was past history because "Spock was coming home."
I really enjoyed the author's characterization of McCoy in this scene. Unlike the doctor of the TOS days, he has clearly grown and matured in his attitude toward Spock so that not only is he able to demonstrate a clearer understanding of the Vulcan, but also of the relationship between the two men. It is this understanding that allows him to give Kirk the support he needs to take that next step with the Vulcan, something I think he would have found difficult to do in his younger days.
The story then switches to Spock, who boards a shuttle on his way back to the Enterprise. He is anxious to return to Kirk for he has come to the same realization as his captain—they belonged together. During the long journey, he reflects on all that has happened since he left the ship to care for Savick. Despite his eagerness to be reunited with Kirk, he cannot help feeling a bit apprehensive, as well He knows Kirk initially felt some resentment at his choice to stay with Savick until he could be assured she would be well, although there were some indications that resentment had faded and "they were reaching for each other again." He recalls how even Savick, young as she was. was determined to send him back to Kirk once she perceived the strong link between him and his captain. Spock could offer no resistance, as he "knew he had done the right thing, caring for Savick, but now it was their time. A time for love."
What I found most interesting about this segment is how the author portrays Spock. Here he seems a bit more emotional than one would expect albeit we are witness only to his inner thoughts, yet this could easily be explained by the lessons learned from V'Ger, lessons that were instrumental not only when it came to his relationship with Savick, but more importantly lessons that allowed him to admit his love for Kirk.The final scene concerns the reunion between Kirk and Spock, a reunion which is a bit of a surprise to Kirk when Spock unexpectedly shows up in his quarters. It seems not only was the Vulcan able to arrive much earlier than expected, but he also is witness to an erotic dream Kirtc happens to be having, a dream that concerns a certain Vulcan first officer. Not one to waste the opportunity, Spock is quick to declare his love for Kirk and while he is assured Kirk loves him in return, Spock finds his captain is consumed with worry Spock will leave him again. It is only after reassurance is given that Spock is there to stay are they able to take the next step in their relationship. What follows is a warm and tender love scene as only this author can write. After a few days, however, Kirk finds he is still resentful that Spock left him and seeks the Vulcan out to express his feelings. His anger soon is forgotten as he receives full reassurance, through both word and touch, that Spock is his and will remain so for all time. As stated above, this earlier story, while well-written and with good characterizations, does not have the polish of this author's later works, yet is a great representation of wonderful things to come. 
When James Kirk arrives at breakfast grinning from ear to ear, it must have something to do with Spock. In this instance, in a well-developed plot, Spock is due back aboard after a long absence overseeing the training of a refugee from Hellguard named Saavik. I‘m not sure I‘ve seen it played out this way, that Saavik‘s rescue and subsequent adoption by Spock takes place between TMP and STII, but it works quite well.
This is very much an introspective story from both Kirk‘s and Spock‘s point of view. Both want a relationship when Spock returns, but Kirk is somewhat obsessed with the idea that Spock has already left him twice, once for Gol and once for Saavik, and doesn‘t think he can handle another separation. I sense a bit of guilt on Spock‘s part for having left again, for having essentially put Saavik‘s needs ahead of Kirk‘s. These analogous feelings make for a very interesting study of both men at a pivotal point in their lives. This author creates a very believable, complex, compassionate and astute character in Spock. She understands him well and has the ability to convey all his strengths in a way that makes him come vibrantly alive. There‘s nothing at all wrong with her adaptation of Kirk, either. It‘s nice to see both men behaving as mature, intelligent adults and looking at their relationship with both emotion and complete honesty. Each has just the right amount of understanding of the other‘s needs and sense of responsibility, too.When it‘s time to lose control, both are able to relinquish that side of their personality to allow love and passion the upper hand, resulting in some memorable loving. Good job, Deanna! 
- from The K/S Press #30
- from The K/S Press #24
- from The K/S Press #89
- from The K/S Press #140