As I Do Thee/Issues 11-21

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Issue 11

cover of issue #11, Merle Decker
inside back cover of issue #11 (the back cover is blank), poem by Dana Austin Marsh, illo by Sara B. Leonard

As I Do Thee 11 was published in 1988 and contains 164 pages. Art by Merle Decker, Dragon, Gayle F, Sara B. Leonard, Virginia Lee Smith, Kay Wells, Shellie Whild, and Jacquelyn Zoost.

From the editorial, a change in content policy, along with an early use of warning as we use it today:

Surprise! Well, stopping AS I DO THEE and starting a new zine seemed like a good idea at the time I suggested it. But, if your response is any indication, I'd be taking my life in my hands if I did stop AIDT, even if I did start another zine. So... here's #11. And there will be a #12 (deadline October 10, 1988), and a #13, and... you get the idea. BUT, I am relaxing my editorial policy slightly. Basically, that means that I will consider publishing a story that is not all sweetness and light if it's an exceptional story. Of course, if I do print anything that is drastically out of the usual for AIDT, there will be a warning to the readers in the editorial. I won't be springing anymore surprises on you!

Also from the editorial:

I'd like to take a moment to define a word we all toss around casually, the meaning of which may not be exactly clear to everyone. That word is fanzine. What is a fanzine? (A question we answer quite frequently at conventions -- Alexis Black even has a flyer with several definitions!) A fanzine, by definition, is an amateur anthology of fiction (and poetry and art in most cases) written by fans of any given genre. That's all a fanzine is. It's not the word of a higher being, it's not engraved in 24 karat gold, it's not the beginning and end of civilization. In other words, this is being done (at least by me) for fun. I provide a place for fans of STAR TREK who choose to write K/S stories to see their work in print, a place for fans who like to read those stories to read them. So, there will be mistakes in the text, in the typing, in the editing, in the printing. There will be stories that are not the greatest thing since sliced bread (there might even be one or two that are!). This is a hobby (an expensive hobby, but a hobby nonetheless). I take zine editing with the seriousness of anyone who is devoted to their hobby. I do not take editing this zine with the seriousness in which I take life, the universe, and everything. I do my best. We all (writers, poets, artists) do our best. The appreciation of those of you who take the time to send it along to me (and along to the writers, artists, poets through me) is gratefully received. Please keep your LOCs coming.

  • Sand-Blind, poem by Dovya Blacque (inside front cover)
  • Beg the Lightning to Strike by Addison Reed (On the verge of admitting the true game they have been playing every night over chess, Kirk and Spock are interrupted by a mission to the planet Gamma Trianguli where events only serve to deepen their as yet unspoken commitment to one another...) (5)
  • Us, poem by Cybel Harper (16)
  • He Who Loves Last by Elizabeth Scott (Spock takes a male lover while temporarily assigned to set up a planetary computer system, a situation that causes surprising jealousy in Kirk when he arrives to help with the planet's military structure.) (17)
  • Compulsion, poem by Dana Austin Marsh (39)
  • Less Than a Ghost, poem by Cassla Williams (40)
  • The Bet by Drea Leigh (The old Queen of Thieves saw no reason to help the Starfleet officers in their goal to regain possession of a much needed drug... until she thought of the bargain, the bargain that would lead Kirk to agree to the terms of the strangest bet of his life...) (41)
  • Dripping Dawn, poem by Cassla Williams (57)
  • I Love Dreaming, poem by Tere Ann Roderick (59)
  • Dancing, poem by Dana Austin Marsh (60)
  • Waiting by Charlotte Frost (Awaiting Spock's return to Earth, Kirk attends an official Starfleet affair and bumps into Gillian Taylor... who has 'heard' a few things about the admiral and his 'ditzy' friend since arriving in the 23rd century...) (61)
  • Feast for a Time of Famine, poem by Tere Ann Roderick (73)
  • Midnight Fire, poem by Robin Hood (74)
  • And Yet Afraid by Addison Reed (After a very strange yet wonderful evening ashore with his captain, Spock begins to look at their friendship in a new light, only to be lead into insecurity and confusion by an overheard conversation and the intervention of the Tholians...) (75)
  • Forbidden Touch, poem by Amy Gray (107)
  • Self-Made Purgatory, poem by Dana Austin Marsh (108)
  • Together, You and I by Marilyn Lansford (Breaking up the monotony of Starship duty for his friend and lover is a true challenge, a challenge worthy of a Vulcan's full attention, a challenge Spock cannot bear to pass up...) (109)
  • Impotence, poem by Robin Hood (121)
  • A Philosophy, poem by Tere Ann Roderick (122)
  • He Was He And I Was I by Emily Adams (The last thing Kirk expected to be doing on shore leave was searching the inside of a mountain for an escape route from a complex cave system while his first officer's life hung in the balance...) (123)
  • Yours, poem by Cybel Harper (163)
  • At First Sight, poem by Sharon Eldon (164)
  • Hawk's Mate, poem by Dana Austin Marsh (inside back cover)

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 11

See reactions and reviews for He Was He And I Was I.

See reactions and reviews for Beg the Lightning to Strike.

See reactions and reviews for He Who Loves Last.

See reactions and reviews for The Bet.

See reactions and reviews for Waiting.

See reactions and reviews for And Yet Afraid.

See reactions and reviews for Together, You and I.

[zine]: Yes, you read that correctly, AS I DO THEE #11. And was I glad when I learned that AIDT hadn't decided to close it's editorial doors and move on to other things. The cover of #11 Is another reprinted Merle Decker drawing from an earlier issue of AIDT, but the editor has made some slight alterations and printed it on silver paper which gives new and surprising life to a familiar drawing. It's really very lovely. BEG THE LIGHTNING TO STRIKE by Addison Reed is basically a re-telling of THE APPLE with a few K/S twists thrown in. This is an enjoyable, if unimaginative story written with Addison's usual flair for detail and good dialogue. HE WHO LOVES LAST by Elizabeth Scott was a bit disturbing for me. Spock has been on assignment on Timoran where Kirk joins him only to find that Spock is intimately involved with his overbearing, male co-worker. Jealousies ensue and lines are drawn and crossed with appealing style and, remarkably, believable writing. Yet, the premise still bothered me. It was a difficult idea for me to swallow. THE BET by Drea Leigh is a cute story in which Kirk has to seduce Spock to win a "bet" so he can retrieve some stolen medicine that is badly needed on Cygnus Ceti. I thought the telling of the story was slightly rushed, but this was a very enjoyable story. WAITING by Charlotte Frost will appeal to anyone who saw a romantic spark between Kirk and Gillian Taylor in ST 4. Because I didn't see this spark, the story doesn't really interest me. But if you did see the chemistry Charlotte depicts in her story, you might find Gillian's reaction to her discovery that Kirk and Spock are lovers an Interesting tale. The second Addison Reed story in AIDT #11 Is AND YET AFRAID. This is another re-telling of an episode but, this time, there is much more "meat" in which the episode is encased. I really liked this story; the by-play between Kirk and Spock, the natural ease of their growing relationship, the gentle Interaction of the episode (THE THOLIAN WEB) all serve to make this, for me, the best story in the zine. TOGETHER, YOU AND I by Marilyn Lansford is a "hide and seek" story in which Spock hides, leaving clues for his pursuer around the ship, and Kirk - who was complaining of being bored - seeks. This is a very cute story. HE WAS HE AND I WAS I by Emily Adams strands Kirk and an injured Spock In an underwater cavern, causing Kirk to have to care for Spock and try to find a way of escape and, not so surprisingly, allowing quite a bit of time for Kirk to discover his true feelings for his injured friend. Nothing special, but a nice story. There are some beautiful poems in AIDT #11, including HAWK'S MATE by Dana Austin Marsh. I LOVE DREAMING by Tere Ann Roderick, and SAND-BUND by Dovya Blacque. The art that stands out In my mind Is an very unusual Gayle F on page 36, a sweet Spock by Kay Wells on page 106, a very nice kiss by Virginia Lee Smith on page 120, and a Kirk on the inside back cover (to accompany HAWK'S MATE by DA Marsh) by Sarah B. Leonard. Not only was receiving AIDT #11 a pleasant surprise, it was up to AIDT's usual standards and was one of the best over-all reads I've had In a long time.[1]

Issue 12

Cover of issue #12, Pat Horowitz

As I Do Thee 12 was published in 1989 (sometime before February) and contains 192 pages. Artwork by Pat Horowitz (front cover and interior), Shellie Whild, Deeb, Kay Wells, Caro Hedge, Virginia Lee Smith, and Sara B. Leonard.

In the zine: "This issue is dedicated to: LOYALTY & CONTINUITY."

From the editorial:

Recently, I've been receiving a lot of questions about the value of LOCs (Letters Of Comment). People are wondering if their comments do any good, if they even get to the authors/artists. Well, I try to pass along all comments I receive but most LOCs consist of something along the lines of "I really liked AIDT #802!" Or "Z.Q. Kadiddlehopper's story in AIDT #5,396 was really hot!" In other words, most LOCs aren't very specific so, when I write to an author or artist, the best I can pass along is "A lot of people have really enjoyed your story in "2,345,981". When I do receive specific comments, I do pass them along, it may take a while for me to find the time to actually sit down and write a real, live letter, but the comments get there eventually. So, to answer the original question, yes, LOCs do some good and your comments do get to the people they are intended for... but more specific LOCs would do more good, would be more appreciated.

A related question is, why don't I (or other K/S editors) print LOCs in the zines anymore? Well, I never have for the simple reason that I always skipped over them in zines I bought that had LOC sections. In essence, a LOC is of ultimate interest to only two people; the editor and the author/artist. (And, may I add that that LOC is of interest to those two people only if those two people know who has written the LOC. Anonymous LOCs aren't worth the name they're signed by!) I've never been interested in reading what people think of everyone's writing/drawing and, with publications such as ON THE DOUBLE and DATAZINE, any need to do so can be fulfilled easy enough without me getting into the discussion ring.

  • Till He Smiled, poem by Robin Hood (4)
  • Accidents Do Happen by D.A. Marsh & J.A. Barnett (It shouldn't take the awkward clumsiness of an ensign enamored of Spock to point out to Kirk his own feelings about his first officer... but it does...) (5)
  • Black Hole, poem by Rachel Cavendish (31)
  • Noble Gesture, poem by Linda Frankel (33)
  • A Dangerous Vision, poem by Tere Ann Roderick (34)
  • Love at Last by Jean Gabriel (Kirk and Spock's entries into their logs detailing their discovery of love for each other and their ultimate coming together.) (35)
  • Harbor Lights, poem by Rachel Cavendish (46)
  • Regrets, poem by D.A. Marsh (47)
  • Masquer Unmasked, poem by Cybel Harper (48)
  • What's Love Got to Do With It? by Cybel Harper (That's what Kirk asks himself the morning after Spock's pon farr ends... Spock's answer remains to be heard...) (49)
  • The Iceman, poem by Robin Hood (55)
  • Learning/What You Do to Me, poem by Amy (56)
  • A World of Possibilities by Marie Surah (It's quite a revelation to Kirk when he realizes his true feelings for his first officer... but not quite as big a revelation as it is when Spock finds out...) (57)
  • Contrasts, poem by D.A. Marsh (109)
  • Tears of Steel, poem by Robin Hood (111)
  • Vulcan, Post-"City", poem by Tere Ann Roderick (112)
  • The Aftermath by Debbie Cummins (Kirk's musings and, finally, his grief over the loss of Spock are shared by a confused and sorrowful McCoy amid the splendor of the stars through which the ENTERPRISE travels...) (113)
  • Scraps, poem by Rachel Cavendish (128)
  • Ready, poem by Amy (129)
  • The Three, poem by D.A. Marsh (131)
  • Gossamer Words, poem by Linda Frankel (132)
  • Moon-Bright Day by Robin Hood (On a planet where the sunshine is no brighter than a moon-lit Terran night, Kirk finds himself stumbling through a jungle with a half-alert Spock in tow, followed by natives who have anything but his best interests in mind...) (133)
  • Do Not Grieve, poem by Rachel Cavendish (153)
  • Labels, poem by D.A. Marsh (154)
  • Sunburst, poem by Robin Hood (155)
  • A Beginning, poem by D.A. Marsh (156)
  • When Johnny Comes Marching Home by Addison Reed (An invitation to be guest of honor at a school reunion in his home town has Kirk regretting his absentmindedness in not refusing the 'honor'... and has Spock in his own type of turmoil over the prospect of facing his bondmate's old friends... But it's not only Kirk and Spock who are surprised by events in Iowa... ) (157)
  • Shattered Sweet, poem by Martha Selena Brown (191)
  • Argus, poem by Dovya Blacque (192)

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 12

See reactions and reviews for When Johnny Comes Marching Home.

See reactions and reviews for What's Love Got to Do With It?.

See reactions and reviews for Moon-Bright Day.

See reactions and reviews for Accidents Do Happen.

See reactions and reviews for The Aftermath.

See reactions and reviews for Love at Last.

See reactions and reviews for A World of Possibilities.

[regarding the art by Kay Wells]: This is collectively the best work by Kay Wells that I've ever seen. These illos all have a refreshingly "busy" feel to them (which seems to be very lacking in K/S these days); i.e., they seem to have a lot going on in them besides the scenario actually being depicted. Spock's expressions on pages 33 and 54 are particularly brilliant.[2]

Dovya Blaque, I am very glad that she did not quit, as she put out a great issue with AS I DO THEE 12. Every story involving loving, tender relationship between Kirk and Spock. Not dirty so to speak.[3]

Issue 13

front cover of issue #13, The Southern Cross
back cover of issue #13, Kay Wells

As I Do Thee 13 was published in 1989 and contains 134 pages. The art is by Sara B. Leonard, Shellie Whild, Jacquelyn Zoost, Alayne Gelfand, Pat Horowitz, Virginia Lee Smith, Kay Wells, The Southern Cross.

inside page from issue#13, sample text

From the editorial:

As you have probably noticed by now, this issue of AS I DO THEE looks decided different from previous issues; there are no story borders. I did this for several reasons. First, #13 seemed like a good time to try a new look.. . Second, I didn't have any borders I liked! (Anyone out there who wants to draw some for a future issue of AIDT can take this as a strong hint that I'd love to see what you come up with!) Also, I've used title pages this time, again, just to try a new look. Let me know what you think.

As always, I want to thank all my contributors, new and established. I look forward to working with all of you again very soon. (And, bless you Sharon, for sending a disk!) At this very moment, Koon-ut-Cali-Con is looming largely on the horizon. It's exactly 7 days away. We're all getting very excited and are looking forward to seeing everyone at Mission Bay. (We're also hoping that today's weather — dark and cloudy — isn't an indication., of next week's weather!). The con looks to be a lot of fun... and those of you who couldn't make it this year, I hope to see you next year (if we're all still sane enough to do a second con!).

This is also the eye (almost) of STAR TREK V. A good friend who was lucky enough (the little bitch!) to see an early showing of the film says it's the best to date! I hope so. I'm sure it will be. But, can any of you who are K/S readers believe they actually go camping? All three of them!??! This should prove interesting....

  • Floodgate, poem by Rachel Cavendish (4)
  • Night of the Furious Vulcan by Rachel & Cassandra (Tired of Kirk's perpetual talent to get himself into dangerous situations, Spock finally lays down a few rules...) (5)
  • Words, poem by Dana Austin Marsh (18)
  • Retrospect by Addison Reed (A letter from one friend to another recounts the good times and the bad times in the lives of James Kirk and Spock of Vulcan during the period between ST:TMP and ST:TVH...) (19)
  • Afterglow, poem by Rachel Cavendish (29)
  • And Then There Were Two, poem by Shellie Whild (30)
  • Sorrow of the Gods by Robin Hood (After their encounter with Apollo, Kirk does some re-thinking of his life, his needs... his wants...) (31)
  • Acceptance, poem by Cybel Harper (41)
  • The Power of Love, poem by Linda Frankel (42)
  • Beneath the Sands of Gri'Alon by Dovya Blacque (also in Splendor) (With Spock stationed on Vulcan with his cadets, Admiral Kirk contrives an excuse to join his friend on his homeworld... only to find himself more involved with the Vulcan's life than he'd ever expected...) (45)
  • Night's Lonely Longing, poem by Shellie Whild (69)
  • New Habits, poem by Amy (71)
  • Telling, poem by A.M. Berman (72)
  • Empathy, poem by Dana Austin Marsh (73)
  • Domestication, poem by Linda Frankel (74)
  • First Conflict by Emily Adams (Why is Kirk angry with Spock? That's the question the Vulcan is asking himself... with very little success at arriving at an answer...) (75)
  • Fire Sprite, poem by Robin Hood (82)
  • Endings and Beginnings by Jean Gabriel (Kirk and Spock's relationship is extremely close and intimate but Spock will not address the subject of the bond... and Kirk finally discovers why...) (83)
  • Empty House, poem by Rachel Cavendish (99)
  • Crumbs, poem by Dana Austin Marsh (100)
  • The Hand of Fate by Sharon St. James (Unknown to Spock, a gypsy woman grants him the power to effect his best friend's life... which he does in some most unusual ways...) (101)

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 13

See reactions and reviews for Night of the Furious Vulcan.

See reactions and reviews for Retrospect.

See reactions and reviews for Sorrow of the Gods.

See reactions and reviews for Beneath the Sands of Gri'Alon .

See reactions and reviews for First Conflict.

See reactions and reviews for Endings and Beginnings.

See reactions and reviews for The Hand of Fate.

Issue 14

As I Do Thee 14 was published in 1989 and contains 168 pages. The back cover is blank. It has art by Shellie Whild, Kay Wells, Sherry Veltkamp, and Gene Delapenia.

front cover of issue #14, Kay Wells
  • Editorial (consists entirely of the lyrics of "Chain Lightning" by Don McClean)
  • The Beginning, poem by Amy (4)
  • Unacceptable Risk by Addison Reed (Kirk's near-disastrous climb up El Capitain spurs feelings within Spock he is not quite ready to handle—feelings associated with the fact that the healers told him he and Kirk were bonded, a fact he does not remember...) (5)
  • Touch Me, poem by Cybel Harper (19)
  • Sounds, poem by Rachel Cavendish (20)
  • Soul-Crossed Lovers by Jean Gabriel (Kirk must deal with the unexpected attentions of a Vulcan scientist toward his lover... who is completely oblivious to any undercurrents in the air...) (21)
  • Dark Star, poem by Bonita Kale (61)
  • A Lousy Assignment, poem by Jane Mailander (62)
  • Unveiled, poem by Faris Vincent (64)
  • In Dreams, poem by Rachel Cavendish (65)
  • I Don't Want You, poem by Cybel Harper (66)
  • When Logic Fails by Marilyn Lansford (During a battle, Kirk is seriously injured. It takes all McCoy's skills and the love of his Vulcan friend to help him recover completely...) (67)
  • One Simple Wish, poem by Amy (113)
  • Yosemite Dawn: Spock, poem by Faris Vincent (114)
  • Yosemite Dawn: Kirk by Faris Vincent (115)
  • Geography, poem by Rachel Cavendish (116)
  • Crime and Bunishment by Sharon St. James (After getting a severe rash on his ass after nearly anonymous sex on Shore Leave with a woman named Jane, Kirk learns a lesson about enjoying anonymous tussles in the bushes of alien planets... and about the deviousness of his doctor friend...) (117)
  • Though Unspoken by Dovya Blacque (Back in Yosemite, Kirk finally decides to speak of his feelings to Spock... but finds it easier to do so in a letter... then he must deal with the Vulcan's reaction to his words...) (148)
  • All Things End, poem by Cybel Harper (168)

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 14

See reactions and reviews for Unacceptable Risk.

See reactions and reviews for Soul-Crossed Lovers.

See reactions and reviews for When Logic Fails.

See reactions and reviews for Crime and Punishment.

See reactions and reviews for Though Unspoken.

[art on page 148 by Kay Wells]: This is one of the best portraits I've seen of Kirk in a long time. It's so life like and poignant, a true representation of the phrase "A picture is worth a thousand words." I wonder which came first—the illo or the accompanying story.[4]

Issue 15

front cover of issue #15, KOZ
back cover of issue #15, Dragon

As I Do Thee 15 was published in 1990 and contains 208 pages. It has art by Gene Delapenia, Kay Wells, Shellie Whild, and Dragon.

  • At Peace with the Night, poem by Cybel Harper (4)
  • Nothing a Little Pill Won't Cure by Kay Wells (The dissatisfaction Kirk feels in his relationship with Spock seems unfair until he forces Spock into a confrontation that changes the pitch of their relationship forever...) (5)
  • Analogy, poem by Dana Austin Marsh (31)
  • Noble Faces by Natasha Barry (When the artist swore to Kirk that the statue she was making of him would never be seen in public, he believed her... until Spock came back aboard ship to say circumstances were different...) (33)
  • A Moment's Thought, poem by Amy (60)
  • Acceptance by Jane Mailander (A ni var for two different realities) In a departure from AIDT's usual "no death" policy, we see how Kirk and Spock would survive the death of his lover...) (61) (This has a warning, something the editor calls "A definate departure from AIDT's 'no death' policy!")
  • Gathering Data, poem by Dana Austin Marsh (68)
  • Reunion by A.T. Bush (Spock still doesn't remember the relationship he had with Kirk before Genesis. Now, after their encounter with Sybok, Kirk deals with his needs... and brings out hidden memories in his bondmate...) (69)
  • The Power, poem by Dovya Blacque (78)
  • The Two of Us by Jean Gabriel (When McCoy suggested to Spock that he try to find out what's bothering their captain, he didn't mean that Spock take the steps he does when he discovers the source of Kirk's unhappiness...) (79)
  • Burning by Natasha Barry (Though Kirk and Spock have admitted their love for each other, regulations and Kirk's own personal code of ethics prohibit them from taking steps to become closer... and they're not the only couple acting unusually aboard the ENTERPRISE...) (117)
  • Acknowledgment, poem by Bonita Kale (176)
  • One Great Use of Words by Gena Moretti (Two problems face James Kirk: first, Starfleet codes have been broken by the enemy for the 3rd time in a month; second, he's been offered a solution to his desire for a permanent relationship. The first problem is solved by McCoy; the solution to the second problem has been offered by Spock...) (177)
  • My Alien Love, poem by Jo Ann Sides (208)

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 15

See reactions and reviews for Burning.

See reactions and reviews for One Great Use of Words.

See reactions and reviews for The Two of Us.

See reactions and reviews for Nothing a Little Pill Won't Cure.

See reactions and reviews for Reunion.

See reactions and reviews for Noble Faces.

See reactions and reviews for Acceptance.

Issue 16

front cover of issue #16, Chris Soto
inside art from issue #16, Deeb -- "Gosh, I can look at lovely K/S art forever.... This illo is truly gorgeous! I wish I owned the original sketch. I'ts a close up view of K&S in bed; Spock's head resting on Kirk's chest, their arms holding one another, faces content in the moment. And there is the slightest smile on Kirk's face that I adore. Deeb is one of the best!" [5]

As I Do Thee 16 was published in 1990 and contains 152 pages. Chris Soto is the front cover artist and the back cover is blank.

  • This Can't Be Love by Jean Gabriel (Just as Kirk and Spock begin to understand the depth of their feelings toward one another, an assignment comes along that could force Kirk into a situation which could end any hopes of a future with his first officer forever...)
  • Fyn'D'Ln Aftermath by Monica Voile (Kirk and Spock had planned on spending their shore leave together, but that was not to be. Spock soon has good cause to regret his insistence that Kirk proceed with shore leave without him.... or does he?)
  • Everything by Dana Austin Marsh (At the end of the first five-year mission, the captain of the ENTERPRISE makes some highly unusual plans for his three-month shore leave... plans which leave him feeling worse than ever about his unspoken love for his Vulcan friend...)
  • One Winged Angels by Gena Moretti (Okay, so something on the planet had changed the members of the landing party into the opposite sex... all but Spock... and now they have to face the reality of men who are now women, women who are now men. They're all sophisticated members of Starfleet, they can handle it. Can't they?)
  • Poetry: by Amy and Dovya Blacque
  • Art: by Deeb and Chris Soto (front cover)

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 16

See reactions and reviews for One Winged Angels.

See reactions and reviews for Everything.

See reactions and reviews for Fyn'D'Ln Aftermath.

See reactions and reviews for This Can't Be Love.

Issue 17

As I Do Thee 17 was published in 1991 and contains 152 pages. The front cover is by Deeb, and it was inspired by Part two the Jane Mailander poem in AIDT #15, "Acceptance." The back cover is blank. Interior art is by DEW, and Anja Gruber.

cover of issue #17: "You don't have to be an art critic to understand or appreciate this powerful cover portrait of Spock. You need only have read "Acceptance" by Jane Mailander (AIDT 15) and you will have seen it in your mind long before Deeb's rendition. There is such a sense of strength found here in direct counterpoint to the vivid feeling of tremendous loss. It must be extremely difficult to capture two such opposing impressions on one canvas, in one expression—but it has been done with sensitivity and perfection." [6]

From the editorial:

You will notice that the first page of every story in this zine has a great big colored mark on it. If the copy of AIDT #17 you are presently holding does not have a big colored mark on the first page of every story, then you are holding a pirated copy and there are big black marks on the first page of every story which is why why there should be big colored marks. The color will not photocopy; it will turn the page black.

You could do me, yourself, and fandom a tremendous favor and, if you do have pages that are blacked out in the copy of AIDT #17 you are holding, please write and tell me when and where and from whom you obtained this copy. As it is, K/S seems to be slowly fading away; something I am, personally, trying to help stop. I love K/S. I want to continue editing AIDT. But between the lessening of interest in the genre and zine pirates, it's becoming a financial risk to even produce a new issue. In the good old days—1 or 2 years ago! — each issue helped pay for the next. Now that's not how it's working any more. How can you help keep life in K/S?

1. - Write stories if you write, or if you've ever had an idea and thought "Oh, I'm not a writer", tell yourself you are! That's how the rest of us started! And, if you doodle or draw, do so. Then SUBMIT your work. There can be no K/S without K/S writers, poets and artists.
2. - Do not purchase pirated copies of any zine. Each copy you buy from a pirate is money you are taking away from the production of the next issue of that zine. As much as I would love to be able to produce K/S as a charity, no editor is able to do that. We (editors) are no different from you; we work, have families, hobbies, etc... and are, as a breed, not exactly rolling in financial liquidity!
I would like to see something happen on this, the "eve" of the 25th anniversary of STAR TREK and I'm asking all of you who read AIDT or any K/S zine to join me in making it happen. I want to see K/S kept alive. More than that, I want K/S to flourish. I think STAR TREK and, in particular, K/S has been instrumental — and often a salvation -- to many of us. It would be a great shame if it should fade away so that it can no longer touch those of us who've loved it for years and, especially, the new readers yet to discover K/S.

  • Red Giant, poem by Faris Vincent (4)
  • Yesterday & Tomorrow by Angel C. Soie (Prophetic dreams, precarious missions and a perfect shore leave combine to bring James Kirk to some startling revelations…) (5)
  • Beloved Relatives by Gena Moretti (To thwart his mother's and aunt's constant urging toward his marrying, Kirk comes up with a surprise guest to bring along on his visit home…) (51)
  • What He Did for Love by Jean Gabriel (Spock is to be the leader of the Vulcan Brotherhood and, as such, must have an appropriate bondmate. But that bondmate must come to him of his own accord…) (68)
  • Nocturne #1, poem by Dallance McCasland (99)
  • Nocturne #2, poem by Dallance McCasland (100)
  • Alternate Babel by Karla Kelly (Captain Kirk is not looking forward to ferrying a boat-load of diplomats to Babel... until he sees the Vulcan ambassador's assistant…) (101)
  • Thy Brother's Keeper by Kay Wells (Guilt haunts Kirk after Spock is brutally attacked while on shore leave. For some reason, the captain feels he should have been able to protect his friends…) (121)
  • Oceans of Night by Dovya Blacque (also in Splendor) (The events of ST:5 are over. Kirk, Spock and McCoy have returned to Yosemite. And Spock's memory begins to fill in the final blanks left after his resurrection on Mount Seleya…) (140)

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 17

See reactions and reviews for Beloved Relatives.

See reactions and reviews for Alternate Babel.

See reactions and reviews for Thy Brother's Keeper.

See reactions and reviews for Yesterday & Tomorrow.

See reactions and reviews for What He Did for Love.

See reactions and reviews for Oceans of Night.

Issue 18

As I Do Thee 18 was published in 1992 and contains 185 pages.

cover of issue #18

The art is by Kay Wells, Anja Gruber, and Deeb.

From the editorial:

I also hope you all enjoyed STAR TREK 6 as much as I did. In my humble opinion, it is not only a good film, it is good STAR TREK. The last film? I’ve bet Natasha Solten good money that it will, in fact, be the last film with this cast in these roles. Natasha is not as sure of that as I am, but she was only willing to bet a nickel on the possibility of a STAR TREK 7 with the original cast! We’ll have to wait and see.

If it has to be done, I think STAR TREK 6 is a lovely way to say good-bye; with grace and class. Though, if this is the final film with the original cast, it will effect me very deeply. I love these characters and am far from finished with them! I am not about to give up TREK or K/S. So, though I know many of you will go on to enjoy other forms of STAR TREK (other... uh... generations if you will!), I choose to continue to view TREK as existing within the basic parameters set down by the characters who created and shaped the TREK universe with the original 79 episodes and the 6 feature films. A surprising number of people have expressed pity for my "lack of vision", for the fact that — for me and those who view TREK as I do - STAR TREK will "be dead" if this is the final film for this cast. My opinion is not a matter of short-sightedness or blindness or simple stubbornness. It is in fact a highly educated personal opinion. Many people have expressed their grief that I will no longer be able to enjoy "new STAR TREK". Well, to those who share that opinion, I offer the fact that from 1969 to 1979, there was no new STAR TREK... yet TREK lived, as it will continue to live for me. In fact, if TREK wasn’t surviving on the strength of the original 79 episodes during those 10 years, there never would have been any new STAR TREK at all! But it did survive because of the substance basic to the universe. Those years between ’69 and ’79 saw fandom born, saw zines take their first fledgling steps, saw "Trekkies" become "Trekkers", saw the conventions begin. TREK soared like the eagle it is... and always will be. To me, a duck can call itself an eagle ail it wants, but it’s still a duck, even, if it does tattoo the word "EAGLE" on its bill and play eagle music as it waddles across the TV screen! A duck is a duck - "the air is the air" — and the spirit of an eagle will always have the spirit of an eagle... no matter how long it has existed or how many ducks keep calling themselves eagles!

  • In the Beginning, poem by Donna Rose Vanderlaan (4)
  • The Human Factor by Kay Wells ("The crew could believe the rumor if it had been about Kirk... but the rumor isn't about Kirk, it's about Spock!") (5)
  • Into The Night by Carleen Brown ("The events surrounding his aborted marriage have left Spock in an emotional turmoil he is ill equipped to handle.") (25)
  • I Watched Him, poem by Jackie Meadows (34)
  • Contribution by Greta Foulard ("T'Pau has blackmailed Spock into contributing to Vulcan's genetic banks before allowing the ENTERPRISE to leave Vulcan orbit... but the task is easier promised than achieved...") (35)
  • Not Again, poem by Patt (83)
  • Why Did We Come Back For You? Well.., poem by Bonita Kale (84)
  • For Now by Karla Kelly ("Spock's arrest in a same-sex bordello causes an interesting discussion to take place.") (85)
  • I Love You, poem by Jackie Meadows (94)
  • Alone No More by Jean Gabriel ("Why did Spock kidnap Captain Pike? What loyalties caused him to betray Kirk and risk his own life? Kirk wants to know... and he wants to know now!") (95)
  • Sharing, poem by Patt (115)
  • For My Sake, poem by Jackie Meadows (116)
  • Perfect Picture by Karla Kelly ("What would the ENTERPRISE look like if she were a sentient being? Kirk and Spock have their own ideas.") (117)
  • Once More, poem by Patt (124)
  • Remembering by Marie Surah (Seeing the rare sight of an Eritykon brings back memories of Kirk's childhood, memories which start him thinking in strange and unexpected directions about his first officer.)

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 18

See reactions and reviews for Contribution.

See reactions and reviews for Perfect Picture.

See reactions and reviews for The Human Factor.

See reactions and reviews for Alone No More.

See reactions and reviews for For Now.

See reactions and reviews for Into the Night.

See reactions and reviews for Remembering.

Issue 19

front cover of issue #19, Alayne -- also used as interior art in Legends

As I Do Thee 19 was published in November 1992 and contains 159 pages. Back cover is blank.

The art is by by Anja Gruber, Pendragon, Chris Soto, and Alayne.

It is dedicated to "Jimmye, a friend too soon absent."

The zine's editorial mentions that the publisher of this zine is going to take six months off of zine-work after this issue.

  • Alien Fear, poem by Kathy Stanis (4)
  • Family Secrets by Ida Vega ("Peter Kirk is graduating from Starfleet Academy and his uncle tries desperately to conceal a long-hidden truth... or is it such a secret after all?") (5)
  • Waiting, poem by Patt (33)
  • Surrendering the Game by J S Cavalcante ("During one of many late-night chess games, emotions hidden even from Kirk himself reveal themselves at the brush of Spock's hand...") (35)
  • Brother of the Heart, poem by Heidi Bloebaum (43)
  • United Souls, poem by Jackie Meadows (44)
  • Gaia Revisited by Kathy Stanis ("A living planet brings its own insights into the unique relationship between Kirk and Spock.") (45)
  • Seduction, poem by Patt (61)
  • The First Time, poem by Kathy Stanis (62)
  • Enough by Karla Kelly (vA temporary separation comes at the absolute worst of times for Kirk and Spock.) (63)
  • Human Touch by Ida Vega (Spock's unfounded jealousy over Kirk's relationship with Ensign Garrovick sparks previously unrevealed depths in his relationship to his captain.v) (71)
  • Emancipation, poem by Patt (93)
  • Observations, poem by Jackie Meadows (94)
  • Old Friends by Taylor Lang ("While attempting to enjoy a quiet shore leave together, Kirk and Spock's efforts at isolation are thwarted by two old flames.") (95)
  • Your Hands, poem by Kathy Stanis (103)
  • Fire and Ice, poem by Heidi Bloebaum (104)
  • Night of the Le-Matya by J S Cavalcante ("An ancient legend lends itself to Spock's purposes in revealing himself to his dearest friend.") (105)
  • Afterwards, poem by Kate Singer (124)
  • Tenants to the Heart by Carleen Brown ("An attempt to ease his captain's pain following the ENTERPRISE's encounter with Flint, brings Spock a little bit closer to Kirk.") (125)
  • Hello Earth by Dovya Blacque (also in Splendor) ("Stationed on Earth following the events of ST:6, Kirk finds new meaning to life in the face of an old friend...") (135)

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 19

See reactions and reviews for Tenants to the Heart.

See reactions and reviews for Family Secrets.

See reactions and reviews for Gaia Revisited.

See reactions and reviews for Old Friends.

See reactions and reviews for Human Touch.

See reactions and reviews for Enough.

See reactions and reviews for Night of the Le-Matya.

See reactions and reviews for Surrendering the Game.

See reactions and reviews for Hello Earth.

Issue 20

As I Do Thee 20 was published in August 1993 and contains 168 pages. The back cover is blank and there is no interior art.

front cover of issue #20, The Southern Cross

From the editorial:

It's been nearly ten months since the last issue of AIDT. Why? Because I had no material for the zine. I wrote a lot of letters, soliciting work for AIDT #20, mostly from people who have previously written for AIDT. Out of thirty-five letters, two people responded. Taking into account ill health, domestic complications, school, children, gaffiation, loss of interest in writing/fandom/zines/K-S, loss of work, loss of appetite, lunar eclipses, solar eclipses, tidal waves, earthquakes, floods, locusts, killing of the first born, carpal tunnels, Holland tunnel, tunnel vision, lycanthropy, vampirism, lock-jaw, conflicts of interest, lack of interest... I can only surmise that the last item (lack of interest) is responsible for a good many of those letters remaining unanswered.

Yet, at the same time, I have a pod (as in a whale pod) of SASEs waiting for the AIDT #20 flyer. Every fan I run into at get togethers, cons, supermarkets, airports, and baseball games wants to know how soon #20 will be ready and can they buy it tomorrow, So, obviously, there is still an interest in reading AIDT. The problem here is that you can't read what doesn't exist -- at least not in this dimension. So, since I can't seem to interest people in writing for the zine I love to publish, maybe you can get people to write for something you like to read. You know, bug all your friends who are too shy to submit, clean out your desk and re-write that story you started twelve years ago then shoved aside, put that sexy scene that's been haunting you down on paper. Because, unless you, the readers, submit and/or encourage others to submit, there will simply be no zine to help quench your appetite for K/S. And, as you can see, there is no interior art in AIDT #20 for the exact same reason stated above - although I think the chances for lycanthropy and vampirism being reasons for not submitting are a bit better for artists than for writers. And, since I'm not up to drawing interior art myself... ditto on the bugging your friends to contribute to AIDT. Even if I can't promise to sell your original art for you, I can promise to give it a good home.

Now, I don't have to lecture you yet again about illegal photocopying of zines, do I? I'm just going to stress, yet again, that it's impossible to publish a zine that doesn't have the financial support of its readers. If you don't buy it from me or my legal representative, all you're doing is helping some other fan buy more zines so she can sell more illegal photocopies of them, ad nauseam (and I do mean nauseam!).

  • A Proper Vulcan, poem by Khylara (4)
  • About Time by JS Cavalcante ("One thing in particular," Kirk confessed. "I -- Bones, I haven't really been keeping it from you on purpose..." "Before you two drive me completely crazy, would you please just answer this one question? What exactly are you trying so hard not to tell me?") (5)
  • Winning, poem by Patt (13)
  • Hidden Assets, poem by Jackie Meadows (14)
  • Loving Jim, poem by Ida Vega (15)
  • Consuming Passion, poem by Patt (16)
  • Leap of Faith by Time Dahlquist (also in Splendor) ("I know I'm being emotional about the whole thing. I want Spock's view of the situation... before I make any moves." McCoy grinned. "I'm still right about you two." "What now?" "You're too intertwined to work at top form on your own. Either of you..." "You are nuts." "Bet?") (17)
  • I Wait, poem by Patt (35)
  • Homecoming, poem by JS Cavalcante (36)
  • The Bonding by Ida Vega (Spock was very much aware of his bondmate's state of arousal. The smell of Kirk's sweat, the longing look on his beautiful face, the feel of his swollen genitals through the robe he wore... "I won't stay long. Please, Spock, just one kiss?"... Spock weakened at the sight and sound of his t'hy'la begging for a kiss... "All right, just one," he told him, shifting his grip on Kirk's shoulders to pull him close.) (37)
  • Roleplay, poem by Khylara (68)
  • Just Another Night on the Enterprise by Ida Vega (Spock records a “normal” day in his personal log, ending with him and Kirk in bed sleeping, content in their bond after a trying day.) (69)
  • The Sun, poem by Jackie Meadows (73)
  • Coloring, poem by JS Cavalcante (74)
  • The Risk by Chris Hoch ("I'm sorry, Jim." McCoy was the first to break the silence. "It wasn't your fault. I didn't have to take your advice. I could have kept my big mouth shut." Kirk got up and walked over to the fireplace. "No. You were right to speak up. And my advice was right, too. It's just you never know how Spock will react to things." McCoy shook his head. "I've never seen him run away before. I wouldn't have thought he'd do something like that.") (75)
  • Sand Roses, poem by JS Cavalcante (104)
  • Finnegan's Folly by Jehanna Hunter ("Miss, if you wouldn't mind getting off me, please," Kirk suggested... to Finnegan's weapon... "Leaving now would be your best bet," Spock offered. She glanced at the Vulcan, turned back to Kirk. "It's not true what they say... about you and him, is it?") (105)
  • Emotion, poem by Khylara (135)
  • Forever Young, poem by Khylara (136)
  • Two Ships Passing by Dovya Blacque (also in Splendor and Legends #2) ("I learned so many things during my stay at Gol and during my encounter with V'ger... I no longer am simply 'Spock'. I am your friend. That is who I am..." "I'm honored, Spock. And I feel the same. But is it practical to need each other so much? I mean, is it even healthy?" "That is the question, isn't it?") (137)

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 20

See reactions and reviews for Two Ships Passing.

See reactions and reviews for The Risk.

See reactions and reviews for About Time.

See reactions and reviews for Finnegan's Folly.

See reactions and reviews for Leap of Faith.

See reactions and reviews for Just Another Night on the Enterprise.

See reactions and reviews for The Bonding.

Issue 21

cover of #21, Shelley Butler

As I Do Thee 21 was published in June 1994 and contains 156 pages. Back cover is blank. Art: by Shelley Butler, Anja Gruber, Virginia Lee Smith.

  • Behind the Wall, poem by Chris Hoch (3)
  • Living in Hell, poem by Bonnie Chenowith (4)
  • The Wedding by Chris Hoch (On Vulcan, a wedding is about to take place. Not the best moment for Kirk to ask Spock for a moment of his time.) (5)
  • In Sickness and in Health by Ida Vega (As Spock struggles to overcome the effects of a mysterious disease, his relationship with his bondmate undergoes some very serious thought.) (13)
  • The Game, poem by L.A. Lee (56)
  • Ablaze, poem by Bonnie Chenowith (59)
  • Thoughts, poem by Past (60)
  • A Question of Love by Chris Hoch (Spock's decision to return to Vulcan after the 5-year mission wasn't accepted with much grace on Kirk's part. But now that Spock is back on board the USS ENTERPRISE, the old friends find themselves facing some truths that had been far too unacceptable to admit at the time of their parting.) (61)
  • After Genesis, poem by Ida Vega (74)
  • The Heat by Dovya Blacque (also in Splendor) (Spock's re-education following his death and the fal tor pan isn't going as the healers and Sarek would prefer. Spock has many unanswered, not to mention unaskable, questions—questions only Jim Kirk can help him answer.) (77)
  • Your Alien Heart, poem by Bonnie Chenowith (1010
  • Silent Longing, poem by Lisa Curtis (102)
  • Undone, poem by Chris Hoch (103)
  • Heart Beat, poem by Bonnie Chenowith (104)
  • Interlude by Ida Vega (A slightly A/U story!) (On Tarsus IV, a young Jim Kirk meets and falls in love with a gifted Vulcan musician. After a brief time together, Kirk is unexpectedly called away... only to return to Tarsus seven years later as captain of the USS ENTERPRISE at the request of the Vulcan ambassador to help rescue as many non-Tarsians, including his musician son, from the planet as possible before Governor Kodos can put them all to death.) (105)

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 21

See reactions and reviews for Interlude.

See reactions and reviews for The Wedding.

See reactions and reviews for In Sickness and in Health.

See reactions and reviews for A Question of Love.

See reactions and reviews for The Heat.

[art on page 9 by Shelley Butler]: I love this view of Spock from over Kirk's shoulder, we don't get to see Kirk's face, but from the look on Spock's my imagination tells me he is smiling. Head barely tilted, eyes gleaming with a suppressed smile, Spock has that slightly smug look I adore, and the artist has captured him two seconds before that elegant eyebrow soars. This one's going up in The Shrine, (aka my closet).[7]

[art on page 9 by Shelley Butler]: Wonderful drawing. The look on Spock's face is so fascinating. Very unique and special. A sweet, perhaps vulnerable moment. There is lots for the imagination here.[8]

[The Game (poem)]: Neat narrative poem written from POV of Kirk as he plays chess with you-know-who. It's so appealing to have the exact thoughts, straightforward, no embellishments like: "I love Spock. I want Spock. I want to make love to my first officer." [9]


  1. ^ from On the Double #9
  2. ^ from The LOC Connection #4
  3. ^ from Treklink #18
  4. ^ from The LOC Connection #14
  5. ^ from The K/S Press #55
  6. ^ from The LOC Connection #39
  7. ^ from Come Together #20
  8. ^ from Come Together #9
  9. ^ from Come Together #9