Acceptance (Star Trek: TOS poem)

K/S Fanfiction
Title:	Acceptance
Author(s):	Jane Mailander
Date(s):	1990
Length:
Genre:	slash
Fandom:	Star Trek: The Original Series
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Acceptance is a K/S ni var by Jane Mailander.

first page in As I Do Thee

It was published in the print zine As I Do Thee #15.

Summary

"A ni var for two different realities. In a departure from AIDT's usual "no death" policy, we see how Kirk and Spock would survive the death of his lover."

Reactions and Reviews

Sometimes, though I hate to admit it, I almost pass over a long poem in order to move on to something I can get my teeth into. No one should be allowed to do this with Jane's insightful and well thought out piece. While all the breast-beating, highly charged and even suicidal reactions of Kirk to the death of his lover (or vice versa) have been expounded upon, seldom has the subject accurately conformed to the two men's personalities. This was one of the most believable and acceptable (and just as heart-wrenching) looks into the acceptance of loss that I have read. Perhaps the saddest thing is to know that we have no choice but to take whatever life hands out.

This appears to be my month for sad stories and poetry. Not surprising since I lost my best friend Virginia two months ago, ending a relationship that spanned more than thirty years. I’ve always loved this piece, but it’s taken on new meaning for me recently.

Acceptance is subtitled “a ni var for two different realities” and details how Kirk and Spock would deal with each other’s deaths. There is no fal tor pan, no death bond here. Only anger, loss and finally, acceptance. It’s extremely touching and very accurately depicts the anger I felt at her loss, and the mourning process. It’s still hard, yes, but I try to do what Kirk and Spock do in these paired pieces: concentrate on the wonderful and lasting gifts my friend has given me.

This had to have been written by someone who has loved and experienced grief. I found a great deal of wisdom and solace here, and these days I take those wherever I can find them.

This story is a departure from this zine's stated policy of no death stories. Although I never, ever thought I would recommend a death story, I have found some stories that deal with the death of Kirk or Spock to be deeply moving, and this was one of them.

This is an unusual story, I thought. (I'm not sure if this should be referred to as a story or poem. It reads like a story, but is set up in stanzas like a poem, and is very short. I'm going to refer to it as a story, but that may be wrong.) It is subtitled "A ni var for two different realities". The first part is in the first person from Kirk's POV after the death of Spock. The second half is in the first person from Spock's POV after Kirk's death. This story is, as the title suggests, about acceptance- the acceptance of the death of their loved one. Both men acknowledge that life will never again be the same, that they will never love another like they loved each other, but they've each been enriched immensely by the other's love and their lives are better for it.

There are some wonderful images in this story. In Kirk's POV, he talks about dreaming about Spock, and how he first woke up crying, but now with the passage of time he savors the dreams: "They are like the fading scent of a beloved wine to a man unable to taste the vintage again." There's also the sad image of Spock sleeping with the sheet upon which they last made love. Both acknowledge that they realize someday there will be joy in their lives and they will love again. Life will go on for them and be good again. This may not be as romantic a s the idea of dying for love, but it's what is true for most people.

A sad and poignant short story that made me cry buckets.