when the world is puddle-wonderful

Personal Fanfiction Website
Website:	when the world is puddle-wonderful
Author:	lamardeuse
Dates:	2004 or before – present
Fandom:	The A-Team, Die Hard, due South, Harry Potter (adults only), Hawaii Five-0 (2010), I Spy, Lewis, Merlin, The Sentinel, Smallville, Star Trek, Stargate: Atlantis, Starsky & Hutch, The X-Files
URL:	2013 to 2021http://puddle-wonderful.ca/ http://www.puddle-wonderful.ca/main/index.html 2004 to 2011http://lamardeuse.dreamhost.com/ http://lamardeuse.dreamhost.com:80/main/index.html
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when the world is puddle-wonderful (aka lamardeuse's site or lamardeuse's fiction) is lamardeuse's website with fanfiction, fanvids and podfic.

Initially the site was hosted by Tpod on his personal page, until in mid-2011/2012 a new address was acquired by lamardeuse.

[lamardeuse]
Thanks to the amazing Tpod for her support and generosity in giving me this webspace. I am eternally grateful to her and to the many other amazing people I have met in fandom who have helped me become a better writer and artist.

Stories

lamardeuse's podfic page

The A-Team

The A-Team was one of those shows I tried not to like when I was a teenager. Because I was one of those dorks with principles. It was too violent, it was goofy, blah blah blah. But underneath it all, I had a deep and abiding (platonic) love for Murdock, and a deep and abiding (not-so- platonic) love for Hannibal. Hey, what can I say? I was a precocious little tyke.

When I finally got back into A-Team many years later, I became hooked on the show for its tongue-in-cheek humour, its exploration (however spotty) of the experiences of the Special Forces in Vietnam, and, of course, because Hannibal was still just as hot to me now as he was then. So I wrote a Hannibal/Maggie story, and figured that was it.

And then I discovered Face/Murdock slash. Which at first shocked me. I mean, jeez, they're Green Berets, people. It's just...not... possible. Is it?

Well. With the aid of amazing writers like emmastark, I convinced myself that it was possible, and that I could write it. Hence began my descent down the slippery slope of slash (say that ten times fast). And I haven't looked back since.

Please read about my warnings policy before you go any further. Thank you.

Het/Gen Stories

Tidal Forces Maggie Sullivan returns to the land of the living. NC-17.

By Any Other Name He rolled it around on his tongue. Plain and simple. He liked it. Vignette. PG.

Slash Stories

If Only Alternate Universe. Fate, heroes, true love, the whole enchilada. NC-17.

Missing in Action A post-If Only snippet written for doll. NC-17.

Damage Written for the highwaymiles community on LJ. Face and Murdock look at dents and scratches a little differently. NC-17.

All of the stories below take place in the same timeline. They are approximately in order.

Vigil Christmas Day, 1970. PG.

Cordillera Post-ep for "Lease With an Option to Die". PG-13.

Sense Memory During the events of the fourth season, Face and Murdock reflect on their relationship. PG-13.

Broken Wing They hadn't talked about it in eighteen years. He wasn't sure Murdock remembered it. He wished he didn't. R.

No Return Post-ep for "Point of No Return". NC-17.

Double Cross Missing scene for "The Spy Who Mugged Me". NC-17.

Clock Watching Missing Scene for "Without Reservations." Murdock POV. PG-13.

Freedom Bird Post-ep for "Without Reservations". Murdock deals with guilt over Face's shooting in the restaurant. R.

Camerado A little Walt Whitman, late at night. NC-17.

Trio Three responses to the A-Slash Kisses Sweeter Than Wine Challenge. PG.

Two Christmases Christmas 1984 and 1987. PG.

Die Hard

This is one of those fandoms that caught me by surprise. I've always had the beeg love for Bruce Willis, but have never had the urge to slash him until the unlikely pairing of John McClane, hardass and slightly curmudgeonly cop, and Matt Farrell, weedy tech geek extraordinaire, smacked me right between the eyes in Live Free or Die Hard. From then on, it was only a matter of time before I started writing this very odd, strangely sweet couple. Please read about my warnings policy before you go any further. Thank you.

Life, Mid-Crisis Written for the smallfandomfest community on Livejournal. When Matt bought the gym membership, he knew he was screwed. NC-17. Podfic available at my podfic page.

From a Rut to a Groove A sequel to Life, Mid-Crisis. John has no idea what he's done to deserve somebody who feeds him fresh strawberries and waffles made from scratch, and he's a little apprehensive about what will happen if he starts enjoying it too much. NC-17.

Interlude No. 1, or In-Laws in D Flat Major A sequel to From a Rut to a Groove. It's always a joy to have the family around you at Thanksgiving. NC-17.

Sugar Daddy A short piece written for oxoniensis' Porn Battle VII. NC-17, misuse of chocolate.

Always A Bridesmaid Written for Sonia. John is too damned old to be anybody's boyfriend. NC-17.

Roughing It

John, Matt and a cabin in the woods. Written for HalfShellVenus and Yuletide 2012. R.

due South

I stumbled upon Fraser/Kowalski fic by accident, never having seen the slash potential when I watched the show in its original run. Now, I am hooked. Oh, man. Kowalski is just too much fun to write. However, I still love Ray V to distraction, so no Ray-wars here, please.

Really. Aren't they the cutest?

Please read about my warnings policy before you go any further. Thank you.

Short Stories

Theories of Flight A story meant to accompany the episode "Good for the Soul." Rated PG-13.

Mister Instinct The inevitable post- "Mountie on the Bounty" story. Rated NC-17.

Bell, Book and Mountie A due South retelling of the classic film "Bell, Book and Candle." Yes, you read that right. F/K, NC-17, AU.

due South Flashfiction Stories

These ones are written for a great LiveJournal community, due South Flashfiction. They're supposed to be no longer than 1000 words, but some are slightly longer than that. (!) All are F/K, and all rated PG-13 for language and adult content unless otherwise noted.

Treat "You're too damned beautiful, that's your problem."

Nothing To See "I - " Fraser took a deep breath. "I don't need curtains."

Understood Right around the time they had that Talk with them in school, he started dreaming about the guy.

Jerk "Would you have me say I was hideously embarrassed? Does that fit your perception of me?"

Geography Lesson It was only after they became lovers that Chicago started shrinking.

Inertia (parts 1 and 2) "You taking a poll? How Long it Takes for your Partners to Fall Head over Heels?"

Graces It wouldn't kill him to be nice. Right?

Evidence I don't want to wake up in five years with no memory of your voice. Your hands. The way you -

After You (NC-17) It took a while for Ray to notice the pattern.

Dancing Bear (NC-17) He didn't care if the dance wasn't a real Indian dance. Or if the guy wasn't a real Indian. Or if the whole town folded up at night into a big vinyl suitcase.

Without A Paddle He feels like a dick in his May West, which he imagines makes him look like a puffy orange marshmallow with toothpicks sticking out.

Take Me Out "Yes, but if each team makes the same number of outs, won't the game always come out even?"

Strip "I'm not too big on the Trapper Joe stuff, but romance I can definitely get behind."

Trap Door If anybody was going to be sharing Fraser's underwear, he wanted it to be him.

What She Doesn't Say (G) It's not completely a lie, but it's still a sin, a sin of omission.

Talk Dirty (NC-17) He was killing me here, and we hadn't even started.

Thaw (NC-17) The first touch warms.

Expecting "You are Clyde Fraser Kowalski, and you are beautiful, and you are our son."

Return Policy "Look, throw it in the garbage, throw it in a snowbank, okay? I don't need it."

Ceremony "Why didn't we ever get married?"

Trick (NC-17) "Wh--what about the boots?" gasped Ray. "Had...plans..."

Under the Influence Fraser. Hammered. Well. This was different.

Hot Tub (NC-17) It was all his fault. This never would've happened if Fraser hadn't had him along as dead weight--

No Experience Necessary "I like that you get--enraged--on my behalf."

Head Trip (NC-17) Actually my longest dS story yet, six Flashfiction challenges cobbled together into one fic, because I was too lazy to come up with six separate ideas. About 7500 words.

Expiration Date (NC-17) "Why didn't you tell me? Were you even gonna see me while you were there?"

Afterglow "Newsflash, Frase. I'm a guy."

Father Figure One day, he would show his father that he could be his own man.

Say Cheese "Why don't you go back where you belong and let me get on with missing you, huh?"

Seeing Red "Tourists did this to you? What the hell were they, armed?"

Lost In Translation "You do everything right, and you don't even know it." Available as a podfic at my podfic page.

Taste Test "Well, I'd never have considered my son particularly interesting either," Bob huffed, "until I saw - Lord."

Ordinary Saints "You're not a saint, and this isn't a miracle. This is - us."

Too Close (NC-17) Whatever happened next, Ray could be damned sure it wasn't going to be boring. Or easy.

Duet (NC-17) "My hands? You kissed my hands the night before you left, when you thought I was asleep-"

Point A to Point B "Well, see, it's like this. I wanted to be proud."

Impressions “He’s alive. You’re alive. That’s all that matters. That’s everything, son. Believe me.”

Fall From Grace ...no way was he going to sit there clutching Fraser’s hand and crying over him. That wasn’t the way to get to him anyway.

Falling Star Okay, so he and Fraser had once worked and fought and eaten and laughed together, been willing to die for one another; that didn’t mean they couldn’t eventually become strangers to one another, too.

The Morning After The morning after the night before, Ray lay in a pool of sunlight and stared at it.

Third Time's a Charm As usual, Ray's timing sucked. (Also: Dear lord. My 50th due South story.)

Public Display Ray was really sick of making mistakes like this. NC-17.

Other Bits

The following stories were written for various drabble/ficlet request memes on LiveJournal.

Take It To The Bridge for brooklinegirl- Ray/Ray, R

Getting It Right for elmyraemilie - F/K, PG

Need to Know Basis for Estrella - F/K, PG-13

Subliminal for Ilexa - F/K, NC-17

Don't for Sprat - F/K, PG-13.

Assorted fics

Ve Haff Vays of Making You Talk (written for ds_undercover) They’d been doing it for almost a month, and it was starting to drive him crazy.

Home for the Holidays Written on Christmas Eve, 2004. PG-13. That's how you know it's true love, he's think, when you start playing with dried caribou parts.

Reset Written for Brooklinegirl in ds_seekritsanta, December 2004. Ray/Ray, NC-17. Standing in a putridly pastel bowling alley watching Vecchio throw strike after strike was not his idea of a fun Friday night—Saturday morning—whatever—but who said this had anything to do with fun?

And speaking of Christmas, you must, must, must see Tara's amazing artwork, Twelve Ways to Make Ray More Canadian, also created for ds_seekritsanta. She's amazingly talented, and since this was my Christmas prezzie, I procured her permission to display it here. Thanks, Tara!

Gift Exchange Another Christmas story written for Miriel in the 2005 edition of ds_seekritsanta. PG-13.

Commitment Written for brooklinegirl's birthday, May 2006. Ray's birthday present isn't the one he was expecting.

Auld Lang Syne Ray takes a long time to figure it out. Written for bluebrocade in the 2006 edition of ds_seekritsanta. NC-17.

Timing Ray and Fraser have different styles. Written for brooklinegirl. NC-17.

The Geometry of Everything Ray contemplates square pegs and round holes. Written for the ds Match challenge on LJ. PG.

Marked Ben studies the evidence. NC-17.

The Best-Laid Plans Eight months in, Ray realized his plan was a little nuts. PG-13.

Spring Thaw The change of seasons brings a transformation. R.

Harry Potter

I started in the Harry Potter fandom in early 2003. Before I'd read any of the books, I'd become hooked on Snape/Hermione stories, particularly Abby's impressive work. However, once I devoured the books and fell head over heels for JKR's incredible creation, Harry James Potter, it wasn't long before I was going down that slippery slope again, this time dragging the Boy Who Lived along with me. Please read about my warnings policy before you go any further. Thank you.

A Taste of Liberty

Rating: NC-17 for language, sexual content and slash

Pairing: HP/SS

Summary: Before the final battle, Harry Potter plays hooky and learns about another world.

Note: Please do NOT archive this story without my permission.

Artwork

View an utterly gorgeous image created by Snaples for Taste of Liberty by clicking here. (Also not for kiddies, please.) Unfortunately, Snaples has taken down her website full of her gorgeous art, and I am unaware of a way to feedback her.

And you can view a stunning image from Evelia by clicking here. Rated PG-13. Check out more of her work at her lj.

Shorter Stories:

Movie Night

Rating: PG for language and slash Pairing: HP/SS Summary: a short companion piece to "A Taste of Liberty". Takes place shortly after the epilogue.

Definition

Rating: NC-17 for language and slash Pairing: HP/SS Summary: a short companion piece to "A Taste of Liberty". Takes place after "Movie Night." Read the Mandarin translation of "Definition" here.

The Clock

Rating: PG Pairing: Tonks/Ginny Summary: a ficlet requested by Rebecca.

Exposure

Rating: PG Pairing: HP/SS Summary: A short piece for Femme, based on her icon.

Hawaii Five-0

There was no hope of my resisting these two from day one. I have no idea what CBS thinks it's doing, but this "bromance" is so obviously sporting an unnecessary "b" it's not even funny. Steve McGarrett is all the way gone on his partner Danny Williams, and there's no doubt Danny is falling just as hard. Please read about my warnings policy before you go any further. Thank you.

Motive and Method The standard undercover-in-a-gay-bar cliché, complete with fellatio. NC-17.

Christmas Tradition Steve and Danny start a new holiday tradition. NC-17.

When It's Nice and Cold Steve and Danny need to warm up. PG-13.

Riding on Two Wheels Steve has a surprise for Danny. PG.

Wake-Up Call Not your typical Saturday morning. PG.

Sugar Rush Danny didn't know it was a date. R.

Absolute Beginners Co-written with TheGrrrl. Steve sees Danny surfing and the rest is history. NC-17 (link goes to the AO3).

I Spy

I need another fandom like I need a hole in the head, but I could not help but succumb to the joy of I Spy from the moment I watched the first episode. It's a marvelously cracked show that knows it's marvelously cracked, and the fact that both Robert Culp and Bill Cosby (yes, Bill Cosby) are smoking hot in it is another point in its favour. Add to that the smart, funny (often ad-libbed) dialogue, the great relationship between the characters, and the - oh yes, I almost forgot - the incredible gayness of many of their interactions, and you have a situation too tempting for a slasher to resist. I'm hoping to spread the love, because while I have lots I'd like to write, there's virtually nothing to read in this fandom, even gen. So get watching and get writing, folks!

Note to the Uninitiated: If you have never seen I Spy and want to get a feel for it, have a look at P.R. Zed's amazing vid "I Would Die for You" (bottom of page). It's a little more with the angsty than the series as a whole, but it shows the pretty and the lurve to great advantage. And if you are coming here from one of my other fanfic pages and thinking, OMGWTFBILLCOSBY, just take yourself on a stroll through my I Spy screencap galleries. You can also read more about the show here.

Please read about my warnings policy before you go any further. Thank you.

The Way You Wear Your Hat Set post-The Barter. Who would've thought Kelly'd like that fez so much? NC-17.

Skin Deep Kelly and Scotty get a taste of the country they're sworn to defend. NC-17.

Vacation Scotty wants a day off. NC-17.

In The Cool, Cool, Cool Of The Evening Scotty takes Kel home to mother. PG-13.

Looking Down at Heaven Scotty learns something about Kel he already knew, and learns something about himself in the process. NC-17. Also available in PDF format.

Lewis

In late 2011, I discovered Lewis and the utterly adorable pairing of Detective Inspector Robbie Lewis and his Sergeant, James Hathaway. Sure, there's a bit of an age difference, but what's a few years when romance is in the air?

I blame all of this on gaycrow and Laurence Fox.

Please read about my warnings policy before you go any further. Thank you.

And We'll Talk in Present Tenses Lewis is too old for this. NC-17. Also available in PDF format.

Cause for Celebration A coda to And We'll Talk in Present Tenses. Robbie doesn't usually celebrate his birthday. R.

Old Dog, New Tricks Sometimes you can teach an old dog. R.

Comfort Zone Lewis and Hathaway and a Canadian shack. PG.

Making Room James fills in the spaces in Robbie's life. R. Available as a podfic at my podfic page.

First Light A short morning after snippet. PG-13.

A Matter of Distance James Hathaway is a reluctant gentleman of leisure. R.

In the Family He's not getting any younger, as some smartarse he knows likes to say. G.

Life During Wartime When James falls apart, Lewis is there to pick up the pieces. PG-13.

Hot Patootie Robbie Lewis has never considered himself to be the jealous type. R.

Fair Play Robbie thinks it's only fair. NC-17.

Stupid Cupid Robbie has a date for Valentine's Day after all. PG.

Double Blind "I think he's flirting with you, sir," Hathaway said. NC-17.

The Power of Suggestion Because Lewis and Hathaway deserve a million "everyone thinks they're doing it" fics. NC-17.

For Argument's Sake Lewis discovers something James likes. NC-17.

Someone Like You James needs someone. PG-13.

Intentions James declares his intentions. PG-13.

Beginnings A sequel to Intentions. PG-13.

Shift A sequel to Beginnings. PG-13.

Choices A sequel to Shift. R.

Momentum A sequel to Choices. NC-17.

Virtually Yours Robbie goes undercover. PG-13.

Terra Incognita James discovers something about Lewis. NC-17.

Up the Garden Path The summer after Lewis retires, Sundays become allotment days. R.

Change of Heart Lewis told Hathaway he needed a partner. He didn't expect to be jealous when James followed his advice. R. Available as a podfic at my podfic page.

Keeping Vigil James watches over Lewis. PG.

No Time Like The Present It happens like this. PG-13. Available as a podfic at my podfic page.

Merlin

What can I say? Considering these boys are in their twenties, I feel a bit of a pervert writing in this fandom, but I can't help myself, because they're so damned adorable together - bitchy and playful and saving one another's lives on a regular basis. I am powerless to resist. Please read about my warnings policy before you go any further. Thank you.

Short Stories

The Common Touch Arthur could see the thought take shape in the empty space behind Merlin's silly, mobile face and turn it more insubordinate with each passing second. NC-17.

Incentive Plan At a certain point - Merlin couldn't have said exactly when - Arthur began behaving less like a prat. PG-13. Available as a podfic at my podfic page.

Accept No Substitutes Written for the Make Them Do It challenge at Merlin Flashfiction. NC-17.

Above and Beyond Inspired by Nicci's delicious artwork. Merlin and Arthur face the morning after. R. Available as a podfic at my podfic page.

Gone Fishing Arthur is determined to discover Merlin's secret. R.

Traditional Remedy Merlin is enchanted. Arthur misses the obvious solution. PG-13.

Something About You Arthur was certain he'd lost what was left of his mind. NC-17.

Revelation Merlin waits for Arthur's return one winter night. NC-17.

Second Glance Arthur and Merlin meet again after seven years. Modern AU, PG-13.

Virgin Sacrifices Aren't What They Used To Be Arthur Pendragon, darling of the Royal Spacefaring Corps, crash lands on an unknown planet. And that's just the beginning of his crap day. NC-17. Available as a podfic at my podfic page.

Natural Progression Arthur gets used to something new. PWP, NC-17.

Laying Bare Merlin's undressed Arthur hundreds of times. R.

Confessions Merlin confesses. R.

Preparation Morgause teaches Arthur about himself. PWP, NC-17.

Mind the Gap Modern AU. This time, Arthur is the one with the secret. R.

Best Man Modern AU. Arthur needs a date for Gwen's wedding. The rest is history. PG-13.

When the Clock Strikes Twelve Modern AU. Merlin helps a friend and finds his destiny. R.

Alterations Modern AU. Merlin is starting a promising career as a costume designer and doesn't need action hero Arthur mucking it up. PG-13.

Auspicious Beginnings Modern AU. The course of true love and all that bollocks. R.

Love for Sale Modern AU. The bachelor auction story that no one asked for. PG-13.

Longer Stories

Defenders of the Realm A modern AU written for Merlin Big Bang, 2009. c. 57,000 words, NC-17. Available as a podfic at my podfic page.

What Child Is This A modern AU based on a 1939 Ginger Rogers romcom. Yeah, you read that right. 30,000 words, NC-17.

Special Occasion A short coda to What Child Is This. PG.

Flight Path Modern AU. Peter Drake just wants to lead a simple life. 25,000 words, NC-17.

Merlin RPF

I also write Merlin RPF, which I currently post to two communities on LJ. If you don't know what RPF is, best to skip this. Otherwise, you can find out more at the Archive Of Our Own.

The Sentinel

This is all doll's fault. Just so you know.

It's hard not to become aware of The Sentinel if you're a due South fan, because many of the excellent writers in the fandom also have excellent TS stories. So you read a couple. Then you check out a couple of websites so you can get backstory, because the show was never aired in your neck of the woods. Then you see some publicity stills. Then you find a site devoted to all the slashy moments from the show.

Oh, dear.

Then someone (dolldolldoll) is good enough to send you tapes of every single episode, which you consume faster than soft centre Laura Secords. And then before you know it you've started on a fic, and you can't stop, because you're dying to get to the hot stuff.

Because Jim and Blair are just so in love. Oh, yeah.

And they're pretty together.

Please read about my warnings policy before you go any further. Thank you.

Short Stories

Many of these fics were written as responses to challenges on the

Sentinel Thursday LiveJournal community, a lovely group of supportive TS fans who write and comment. Another community I've found to be very helpful is TS Talk (made up of many of the same people), which is the place to go if you want to know which

floor Major Crimes is on, or anything related to the Boys.

Show And Tell A short NC-17 snippet featuring our boys and a blindfold.

Proposal Inspired by the events at San Francisco's City Hall in Feburary of 2004. PG-13.

Mismatch Sometimes a sock is just a sock. PG-13.

Shadows and Light Blair contemplates the evidence. PG-13.

White Men Can't Jump Something old, something new. NC-17.

Check and Mate The sequel to "White Men Can't Jump". NC-17.

Memories of Water Destiny, diaries and dads. PG-13.

Just Us Jim, Blair and a dark closet. Need I say more? NC-17.

Breaking Blair has snack food issues. NC-17.

Slow Dance A little romance never killed anyone - did it? R.

Full Circle Written for the talented Lorraine. Jim contemplates fate and buys a clue. NC-17.

A Letter Home Written for the Sentinel Secrets community on LiveJournal. PG.

Invitation A short snippet using one of doll's first lines. PG.

Treading Water Written for the 2004 Moonridge auction. Blair seeks to restore Jim's balance, unaware he's in need of a little balancing himself. NC-17.

Perspective Jim buys a painting and tries on a new rhythm. Mild R.

Conviction Naomi serves as a catalyst for an important chemical reaction. NC-17.

Catch Jim and Blair go fishing far from home. Written for round 2 of Sentinel Secrets. PG-13.

Rite of Passage Blair needs to purge. Written for round 1 of TS Ficathons. NC-17.

Scars As the dawn light began to trickle into the loft, Jim lay in bed and studied the bruises marking Blair’s body. Written for PatK for the 2005 Moonridge auction. NC-17.

Anniversary Written to commemmorate the 10th anniversary of The Sentinel, March 20, 2006. PG-13.

Something to Talk About Written for Bluebrocade and the 2006 Moonridge auction. NC-17.

Past, Present, Future Written for Kungfunurse and the 2006 Moonridge auction. NC-17.

Refugee Status Written for ponders life and the 2007 Sweet Charity auction. NC-17.

Longer Stories

Equilibrium

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: Slash, language, explicit sex, violence.

Summary: Jim and Blair work on a case - and slowly enter a relationship of a different nature. The inevitable post TS-by-BS epic. Gorgeous title artwork by Nicci.

Equilibrium by Lorraine

Equilibrium by Lorraine

Lorraine created this delicious artwork based on one of the scenes from Equilibrium. Doesn't it make you want to read the story? Or at least lick your screen? (Click on the image to get to the artwork. Rated PG-13).

Smallville

I have a confession: I've fallen for Lex Luthor. Hard. That's the only thing that explains this page (well, that and the fact that he looks astonishingly pretty with Clark Kent). Lex as he's constructed on Smallville and played by the fabulously talented Michael Rosenbaum is one of the woobiest woobies who ever woobed. The fact that he's also pure sex and totally in love with Clark Kent (who when he meets him is in the ninth grade, and yeah, let's not even go there) is a major bonus. I'm absolutely positive that Shalott and Estrella are to blame for this one. Please read about my warnings policy before you go any further. Thank you.

Coming Home Clark and Lex deal with the loss of a loved one. NC-17.

Into the Woods Clark and Lex go camping. Yeah, you read that right. NC-17 for mature themes.

Star Trek

What can I say about Star Trek? It was my first love (the original series, that is) and the first place I encountered fanfiction, fannishness and truly crazy people like myself. When I finally got around to writing something for publication on the Internet, I first turned to Star Trek. Deep Space Nine has been my favourite of the "new" Treks; I enjoyed the performances of the actors, the chances the show took with plots and ideas, and the multicultural nature of the cast. Voyager...well. I had many issues with that one, but two of the shining lights for me were Jeri Ryan and Robert Picardo, who always shone brighter when they struck sparks off one another. Please read about my warnings policy before you go any further. Thank you.

In The Light of Morning DS9. My first Internet-published piece, an Odo/Kira story set after "His Way". R.

Galatea Redux Voyager. A Doctor/Seven story set a few months after "Someone to Watch Over Me." PG-13.

A Delicate Matter Voyager. Part two of "Galatea Redux". PG-13.

In Her Own Image Voyager. A [Janeway/Sullivan] story from Sullivan's POV. I only realized after I wrote this how much people absolutely, totally HATED the Sullivan character and the Fair Haven eps in general, because I had several Voyager fans write me and tell me how I had redeemed the character in their eyes (gosh!). R.

Janet d'Airo's artwork for Galatea Redux

Stargate Atlantis

The story of my entry into this fandom is a classic example of the fannish phenomenon known as pimping. On my first lost weekend among fellow slashers, I was exposed to many new shiny toys, including The O.C., Stargate: Atlantis, Numb3rs, The Invisible Man and Homicide. Though I can honestly say I enjoyed all of the above, I had no real urge to write any of them until I ventured into the Sheppard/McKay fanfiction, and then I was swiftly co-opted. The snarky vibe between the two of them - along with the fact they seem to get horizontal at the drop of a hat - is difficult to resist, and so I decided to save myself the pain and didn't even try. And it's going to be fun to get back into a fandom where the canon is still in the process of being written.

Note: I have recorded audio versions (podcasts and audiobooks) of several of my fics, hosted at jinjurly and now at my podfic page.

Please read about my warnings policy before you go any further. Thank you.

Short Stories

All stories are Sheppard/McKay unless otherwise specified.

Relaxation Written for SGA Flashfiction. John discovers a new way to relax. NC-17. Podcast version at my podfic page.

The Other Half of the Equation A few months ago, he’d never have considered that "death without honour" would ever be on a par with "death from soul-sucking alien." NC-17.

Semi-Sweet John's hands + chocolate. Need I say more? PG-13.

Habituation Late one night, Rodney contemplates the quantum mechanics of John Sheppard. PG-13.

Points of Reference John loved hanging out at the geek parties. PG-13.

Wallflower What annoyed Rodney more than anything was that it was beginning to look like he’d saved Atlantis so that it could provide shelter for ladies’ poker and Monday night football. PG-13. Podcast version at my podfic page.

The Theory of John He's this close to getting the man a t-shirt that says I Kill Brain Cells. R.

Second Time Rodney knew everything was going to hell when they started playing the Duran Duran music. Written for SGA Flashfiction. NC-17.

Ring In The New “I feel awfully good,” Rodney said. “Awfully, awfully good.” NC-17.

Kind Of Blue Aliens didn't make them do it. But. R. Podcast version at my podfic page.

Mating Season John, Rodney and the psychoanalysis of Bambi. R.

Identification Parrish has something to give Major Lorne. NC-17. (Includes ac- companying artwork by melagan)

Four Kisses That Didn't Happen, And One That Did Written for Pearl's 5 Kisses meme. Rodney knows it’s gone too far when his fantasies turn to kissing. R. Podcast version at my podfic page.

Look! The amazing Eris has translated "Four Kisses" into Dutch! Read it here: Vier kussen die niet gebeurd zijn, en een die wel is gebeurd

Competitive Spirit John takes a little longer to get it. PG-13. Podcast version at my podfic page.

Last of the Magicians Newton had it all wrong. PG.

Intensity A short snippet written for Kitestringer. R.

R and R John, Rodney and one morning in Barbados. NC-17.

Permission Elizabeth gives herself permission (Weir/Caldwell). PG-13.

Feast Day Rodney doesn't recognize it at first. R. Podcast version at my podfic page.

Driver's Ed Written for the highwaymiles comm on LJ. John, Rodney, puddlejumper sex. NC-17.

Contact Points So much for insulation. R.

Observation Rodney's been watching. NC-17.

Guy Stuff Rodney's not jealous. NC-17. Warning: spoilers for Season 3.

Dark Desire It's pretty dark. PG-13.

Good Luck Charm How did they all get those nifty new t-shirts? NC-17. Podcast version at my podfic page.

Pillow Talk A short post-ep tag for McKay and Mrs. Miller. NC-17.

Casual Easy Thing John contemplates the possibilities. R.

Alter Ego Rodney in a goatee. 'Nuff said. NC-17.

Borrowed Time A sequel to Alter Ego. NC-17. Also my 50th SGA story. Gawd.

And To All A Good Night John and Rodney suck at Christmas. NC-17.

Over the Hill John and the Forty Flamingos of Doom. PG-13.

Falling If anyone’s youth had prepared him to live in constant peril inside a magical city at the heart of another galaxy, it was his. Zelenka/Lorne. NC-17.

Payback John's never done it before. NC-17.

Romance on the High Seas Christ, he was now officially the worst boyfriend ever. NC-17.

Stand-In He wasn’t an expert on the symptoms of mental illness, but he was fairly sure these were the first signs that there was a screw loose somewhere. NC-17. Podcast version at my podfic page.

Touch It was the supreme irony that it was the touch of a Wraith that had John so keyed up now. NC-17. Podcast version at my podfic page.

Thaw At the best of times, Rodney was never in the mood to deal with plumbing. NC-17.

Stage Fright Written for the GPFG community on LJ. David Parrish is a reluctant porn star; lucky thing Evan Lorne is willing to help. NC-17.

Exhibition Rodney discovers a new spectator sport. NC-17.

Version 2.0 Written for Mav. Rodney's back to his old self, but not everything is back to normal. Rodney/Ronon, PG-13.

Running Mate John introduces Rodney to a new sport, and Rodney introduces John to something else. NC-17.

A Hard Risin' Morning Without Breakfast Rodney wakes to a pleasant surprise. But no muffins. NC-17.

How I Spent My Summer Vacation, by Dr. Rodney McKay He wasn’t sure exactly when he’d plunged over the edge of the Niagara Falls that was John Sheppard’s goofy charm, but plunge he had. NC-17.

Clear Blue Skies There might not be any marshmallows or drinks with umbrellas, but this was already turning out to be one of John's favorite vacations. NC-17.

Two Men and a Baby Co-authored with tex. "Oh, really, it's a great honor, a great, great honor, but you have to understand, I'm a very busy man back home, and I really don't have time to..." NC-17.

Fashion Victim It's canon! No, it's an AU! It's a canoe! Oh, hell, just read it! NC-17.

In Your Dreams Rodney's dreams take a turn for the better. NC-17, spoilers for 4x04, "Doppelganger".

Tree of Life Written for Aerly and the Sweet Charity auction. Lorne/Parrish. Everybody wants to save the galaxy. 12 000 words, NC-17. PDF version here.

Not In the Job Description John realized he was staring about a second and a half too late, and suddenly got really interested in his belt buckle. Crack , PG-13.

Drinking Game "So I figure the thing we need to do is get drunk," Rodney said. PG-13. Spoilers up to Outcast.

Just Like Schrödinger's Cat The act of observation changes the outcome. NC-17.

Postcards from the Id “What, I don't even get any cats this time?” Rodney yelled. PG-13.

Get You Back Written for thegrrrl's birthday. Post-Trio. NC-17.

Superpower No. 16 This pose, though, was ridiculous, even for Sheppard. NC-17.

Tell It Like It Is Rodney slumped against him. "I can't have sex in my sister's house," he blurted. NC-17.

Hidden Depths Yes, it's a Splash AU. You have been warned. NC-17.

Situation Normal Rodney figures it out. A short piece for mcsmooch. PG.

Perfect Timing John gets tired of waiting for perfection. NC-17. NOTE: Spoilers for SGA 501.

Good Neighbor Policy John and Rodney and a little give and take. NC-17. Written for mcshep match, 2008.

Fantasy Life Rodney's fantasies get the better of him. NC-17.

Ritual Written in honour of Cate's birthday. The history of a ritual (spoilers for The Shrine). PG-13.

Coupling A short, crackish Hallowe'en fic written for unamaga's birthday. NC-17.

Cultural Exchange "What does he think we are, Fine Arts majors?" Rodney grumbled. NC-17. Also available in PDF format (c. 150 KB).

Bedtime Story Rodney reads. John listens. PG.

If It's Wednesday, It Must Be Pumpernickel A short, crackish AU about domestic chores and Symbolic Sandwiches (TM). PG.

Third Chance John gets one more chance. NC-17, set post-S5.

Very Improper John gives a language lesson. NC-17.

The Art of Chilling Out Rodney loosens up. PG.

Home Improvement John, Rodney and power tools. PG.

Solve for x Written for Cate's friendship/flirting/thinking of you fest. PG-13.

In Plain Sight Written in honour of The Grrrl's birthday. NC-17.

The Ways of Earthlings As man-eating lizards go, John's not bad. PG.

Creation Myth A short sequel to Two Men and a Baby, written for tex. PG.

Getting To Know You

- A series to complement Season 2 of Stargate: Atlantis -

The following pieces form a set of linked stories that follow the timeline of the second season. The overall rating of the series is NC-17, though individual parts may carry a lower rating.

We'll Meet Again (Siege III)

The Space Between (The Intruder)

Sacrifice (Runner)

Regression (Duet)

Basic Black (Condemned)

Chain Reaction (Trinity)

Becoming (Instinct)

Evolution (Conversion)

Reciprocity (Aurora)

Disconnect (Lost Boys/The Hive)

Down Time (Epiphany)

Perimeter (Critical Mass)

Crush Depth (Grace Under Pressure)

Parting Is Such (The Tower)

Least Resistance (The Long Goodbye)

Balancing Acts (Coup d'État)

Noble Savage (Michael)

Smoke and Mirrors (Inferno)

Some Sunny Day (Allies)

You can also download a PDF version of the entire series here (c. 440 K).

Longer Stories

TRTN

The Road To Nevada Written for SGA Santa on LJ in December 2005. AU, NC-17, c. 38,000 words.

If you prefer, you can download it in PDF form here (700 K)

Road to Nevada by inbetween _inbetween_ made me this amazing artwork to accompany TRTN! G.

The Road to Nevada by Lorraine. Gorgeous artwork for TRTN. PG-13.

Without Love Written for the reel_sga community on LJ, June 2006. Loosely based on the 1945 film with Spencer Tracy and Katharine Hepburn in which Tracy is a scientist working on a secret government project and Hepburn is the widow who enters into an unusual marriage with him. c. 22,000 words. If you like, you can download a PDF version here (~ 500 K).

Romance at the Roadkill Grill Complete and total screaming AU. c. 22 000 words, NC-17. Also available in PDF format (c. 300 KB).

Depth of Field Written for the Live Long and Marry auction. Total AU, c. 20,000 words, NC-17. Also available in PDF format (c. 270 KB).

It's Magic AKA The Cruisefic, or what happens when I turn John into Doris Day. Written for the Live Long and Marry auction. Total AU, 24,600 words, NC-17.

Starsky & Hutch

This, too, is mostly doll's fault (it actually isn't, but I like blaming things on her). Although Kim and Witchbaby deserve some of the blame.

To be honest, I resisted this one as long as I could, because, well, I lived the '70's, and even as a kid I knew I was living in a pretty shitty decade. I mean, my god. The hair. The clothes. The music. Did I really want to go back in my time machine to that bell-bottomed and macraméd era?

Apparently I did, because I started reading some fanfic by Flamingo and Rosemary and others, and I knew it was only a matter of time before I would have to rent the DVDs. And then I sat around and stared at my TV screen until my jaw found a home on the floor.

Because, yes, the hair and the clothes and the music. But also: the slash.

Holy mother of K/S. This is as slashy as they come, folks.

You want real, undeniable, painfully obvious man-love? This is it, kids: the groping and the fondling and the hugging and the banter and the bitching and the looks they give each other as though no other relationship they ever find will even come close to this. And they'd be right, because Starsky and Hutch are as canon as you can get without being Queer as Folk.

Please read about my warnings policy before you go any further. Thank you.

Gazing Written for Lorraine, inspired by her artwork of the same name. NC-17.

Pout A short snippet inspired by KimberlyFDR's movie icon. PG-13.

Beneath The Skin Written for Morgan Logan and the 2005 Moonridge auction. Hutch's investigation of a difficult case forces him to confront his greatest fear. NC-17.

Outcome After a surprising revelation from Kiko, Starsky and Hutch re-evaluate their relationship. (76,000 words, NC-17.)

You can also download a PDF version of Outcome (800K).

The X-Files

I always had a love-hate relationship with the X-Files. The gratuitous violence annoyed me, CC's convoluted "canon" drove me up the wall, and the last season was a near-complete disappointment for me. Still, I watched, hoping for glimmers of characterization or plot lines that followed through on the original promise. Mostly I read fanfic. I had no aspirations to writing, since M/S was already such well-traveled ground, until Doggett appeared on the scene. Robert Patrick did an astonishingly good job with very little, and I was sad to see both his character and Annabeth Gish's treated in such cavalier fashion in the last season. So I gave Doggett and Reyes their own little adventures, on my turf - the past, and Montréal. The response I got from XF fans on these stories still warms me to this day.

All stories are rated PG unless otherwise noted. No graphic sex, violence or naked goat worship. Each one follows the other.

Please read about my warnings policy before you go any further. Thank you.

Indian Summer Doggett and Reyes take over the X-Files and find they have a special gift in common, one which Doggett is reluctant to recognize. Reyes POV.

Rontenatanónhnha The new partners investigate a multiple murder case in Montréal which has ties to a world of mysticism and magic. Reyes POV.

House of Mirrors A day at the funhouse has Doggett thinking about his so-called life. Doggett POV.

Storm Front Post-ep for "John Doe". Some rains come suddenly. Reyes POV.

Other Fanfiction

This is the page of my various one-off stories, all in British fandoms for the time being. If I write more of each, they may eventually get their own pages. Please read about my warnings policy before you go any further. Thank you.

Hot Fuzz

DIY for Beginners

Danny is worried that the temptations of the big city will lure Nicholas back to London, but what can Sandford offer that will tempt him to stay? R.

Sherlock (BBC)

Available Evidence

John is the one mystery Sherlock can't solve. R.

The Eagle

The Upper Hand

They argue constantly. R.

Cabin Pressure

Attitude Adjustment

Douglas acquires a new appreciation of Martin. R.

Captain America (Movies)

They're Playing Our Song

The progress of a relationship over three dances, seventy-six years, and a lot of cheesy Glenn Miller music. PG.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Moonlighting

Before Jake found another golden opportunity to reveal the full scope of his genius, Rosa was assigned with Amy to get some witness statements to a home invasion. Given the choice, she would have preferred to stick around the station and watch Peralta be an asshole.

Selfie

Rocky Mountain High

Henry's midlife crisis started when he was twenty-six.

Vids

[lamardeuse]
Just because I didn't have enough to be doing, in 2009 I thought I'd try branching out into vids. Here's what I have so far.

Merlin

Should I Stay or Should I Go - music by the Clash. Thanks to Tzikeh, Crys, Kass and Sihaya Black for beta and encouragement.

Any Time At All - music by the Beatles. Thanks to Sihaya Black for beta and encouragement.

The Mayor of Simpleton - music by XTC. Thanks to loreley_se and gealach_ros for the footage used in this vid.

Fiona - music by Lyle Lovett. Thanks to Sihaya Black and expectprism for beta and encouragement.

I May Be Wrong (But I Think You're Wonderful) - music by Dinah Shore. Thanks to nny for enabling this madness.

Bon Cop, Bad Cop. J'ai l'rock 'n' roll pis to� - music by Offenbach. Thanks to Crys, Kass and Sihaya Black for beta and encouragement.

Sherlock BBC

Not Responsible - music by Tom Jones. Thanks to nny and hermette for beta and enabling.

Hawaii Five-O 2010

Something Good - music by Herman's Hermits. Thanks to miasnape for beta and encouragement.

Something's Gotta Give - music by Frank Sinatra. Thanks to sihaya, tex, caersmane and chibirhm for beta and assistance.

Lewis

Here I Go Again - music by The Hollies. Thanks to yunitsa, suzvoy, mrs_sweetpeach and alizarin_nyc for beta and encouragement.

One Fine Day - music by The Chiffons. Thanks to reddwarfer, sihaya, yorkshirewench and chibirhm for beta and assistance.

Common Law

We Can Work It Out - music by Stevie Wonder. Thanks to killa, cabayuki, ceares, that_which, Fran and cinderlily for beta, assistance and encouragement.

Captain America/The Avengers

Hazy Shade of Winter - music by Simon and Garfunkel. Thanks to Dorothy and Jim for assistance and encouragement.

Kingsman: The Secret Service

Here Everyone's a Hero - music by Tinie Tempah ft. Laura Mvula. Thanks to Dorothy and Jim for assistance and encouragement.