I Don't Care What You Smell

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Title: I Don't Care What You Smell
Publisher: Judy Yuenger and Marti Schuller
Editor(s): Proboscis Press
Date(s): 1995-2003
Medium: print
Genre: gen
Fandom: Star Wars
Language: English
External Links: Publisher website, Archived version, some of the table of content info is from the agent
Click here for related articles on Fanlore.

I Don't Care What You Smell is a gen Star Wars zine. It contains stories by multiple authors, has color covers and interior illustrations by various fan artists, and ran for nine issues. The emphasis is on humor.

Issue 1

I Don't Care What You Smell 1 was published in May 1995 and contains 242 pages.

It won the the 1996 FanQ Award for 'Best Star Wars Zine.'

front cover of issue #1, artist is Z.P. Florian. From the zine: "SMELL YE! SMELL YE! Announcing the introductory contest of I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SMELL! That's right! As a reward for all you brave souls who purchased this premiere issue, we are proclaiming a — drumroll, please — contest! The first (earliest postmark to be the deciding factor) reader to CORRECTLY identify each and every olfactory organ and/or device so cleverly depicted on the front cover by that astonishing artist Z.P. Florian will win (taxes not included) an absolutely free, 100% gratis copy of issue #2 of I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SMELL! So, grab your thinking caps, don't get your noses out of joint, and have at it. Let the games begin. Good luck and may the Force be with you! Oh yes, if you get really stumped, the artist suggests you try thumping the offending nose. The resultant cry should provide you with a helpful additional clue. Send replies by mail only (No e-mail responses, please. We must be fair to the technologically disadvantaged) to Judith Yuenger."
back cover of issue #1, A.G. Steyn
  • Peace, poem by Marti Schuller (1)
  • cartoon by A.G. Steyn (2)
  • Rancor Delivery, story by Z.P. Florian ("If you've ever wondered who delivered the Rancor of Jabba the Hutt to Tatooine, this is the story for you. Of course it was Han Solo, who else?") (3)
  • . Mary Sue and the Bandit, story by Robin White (reprinted from Xenozine #1) (19)
  • Corellian Bedtime Prayer by A.G. Steyn (24)
  • Adventures in Babysiting, story by J.P. Treleaven (25)
  • Lost Forever, poem by Sheryl Haven (30)
  • Entertainment, story by Marti Schuller (includes Batman, Catwoman, and Q) (31)
  • Once Upon a Forest Moon, story by A.G. Steyn (45)
  • O Bothans! My Bothans!, poem by Liz S. (59)
  • Reversal of Fortune, story by Mary Jo Fox (60)
  • Dumb SW Joke #1 by Chandra Morgan-Henley (61)
  • Cartoon by Wanda Lybarger (62)
  • "Corellian Tech" Courses by Sheryl Haven (63)
  • The Saga of D.S. Nine, story by Deborah Kittle (crossover with Star Trek: Deep Space Nine) (64)
  • Ballad of the Bankrupt Fan, filk by Jacqueline Taero (76)
  • Weight Wars, story by Cheree Cargill (77)
  • This Issue's Bad Joke, poem by Jennifer Moore (82)
  • Carrie, story by Amanda Palumbo (RPF) (83)
  • The Art of Jedi; also at here, story by M.J. Mink ("Luke makes an infomercial to help the Alliance.") (It was a STAR aWARdS Honorable Mention for Best Short Story in 1995.) (93)
  • Corellian Table Grace by A.G. Steyn (97)
  • Junk Mail from the Princess, also here by Pat Nussman ("A just-for-fun letter in direct mail style." (reprinted from Landspeeder) (98)
  • Art Portfolio (99)
  • The Corellian Gypsy Song, filk by Maggie Nowakowska (106)
  • Cartoon by Nimish Vyas (108)
  • Desperation, story by Nora Meyers (109)
  • Cartoon by Gerald Crotty (112)
  • A.W.O.L., story by Judy Ebberley (113)
  • Cartoon by Nimish Vyas (141)
  • Princess Leia, Queen of Denial, filk by Deborah Kittle (142)
  • I Love Luke, story by J.P. Treleaven (a fusion of Star Wars and I Love Lucy) (143)
  • Master Ben, filk to the tune of "Mr. Ed", by M.J. Mink (149)
  • Tied Together, story by Veronica Wilson (150)
  • Prognosis, joke by Sheryl Haven (151)
  • Promises, Promises, poem by Jacqueline Taero (152)
  • New Game, New Luck, story by A.G. Steyn (153)
  • Hidden Talents, story by Susan Zahn (169)
  • Always in Motion is the Future, poem by Tammy Olsen (170)
  • Cartoon, "How to Trash Your Fave Corellian," by A.G. Steyn (172)
  • Wedding Day Bruise, story by Carolyn Golldege (173)
  • Dumb Star Wars Joke #2 by Chandra Morgan-Henley (187)
  • Cartoon by Nimish Vyas (188)
  • Festa Fiasco, story by Marti Schuller (189)
  • On the Beach, poem by Sheryl Haven (214)
  • I Wanna Be a Jedi, filk to the tune of "I Wanna Be a Cowboy" by Toby Keith, by Deborah Kittle (215)
  • Father and Son by Cheryl Kiser (216)
"Ballad of the Bankrupt Fan," filk to the tune of "Sixteen Tons" by T.E. Ford, written by Jacqueline Taero:
You go into fandom
And what do you get?
A little more crazy
And deeper in debt.
Oh, Lord, it's been fun
But it sure wasn't free:
I owe my soul to AT&T.
It all seems so harmless;
Those tapes look so nice.
Then some books to go with them
And before you think twice
You've called up your friends
For an hour or three....
And you owe your soul to AT&T.
Got a whole stack of zines.
Got posters and stills.
Been to so many cons,
The thought makes me ill.
And the touch-tone phone
Has proved fatal to me:
I owe my soul to AT&T.
Some said to try Sprint,
Some said MCI;
So I tried 'em all
And the bills made me cry.
I'll have them paid off by 2003:
Alexander Graham Bell,
Have mercy on me!
You go into fandom
And what do you get?
A little more crazy
And deeper in debt.
Oh, Lord, it's been fun
But it sure wasn't free:
I owe my soul to AT&T.

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 1

Congratulations on a wonderful first issue! The cover, as usual with Z.P.'s work, was wonderful and the contest was a great idea. Very hard and I'm happy for whoever wins. I had no clue who some of those noses belonged to! I couldn't believe how many pages were in this first issue. It was wonderful!

If I commented on everything the issue contained, you would shoot me because of the length, so I'm just comment on the more memorable things. And it's very hard because everything was so good!

The toon on page 2 was great. I love A.G.'s toons. They always add humor to any zine.

J.P.'s "Adventures In Babysitting" was a hoot. I almost died laughing when Anakin said, "I hate Uncle Luke!"

And A.G.'s story "Once Upon A Forest Moon" was great too. The Ewok playing with Luke's pants and then the other Ewok wanting to be his girlfriend were great laughs. As well as the camaraderie displayed by all the characters for each other.

Jacqueline's "Ballad Of The Bankrupt Fan,." Boy, do you know how close you are? Very true to life.

"Weight Wars", Cheree that was a wonderful laugh. "The Art Of Jedi", MJ. That was hilarious! And J.P.'s "I Love Luke"! God, I love that illo at the end of the story. You two have a great sense of humor.

"I Wanna Be A Jedi", by Debbie Kittle and M.J.'s "Master Ben, were great too.

I know I missed a lot, but there is no way I can comment on everything in the zine. It was all good and I hope you all continue to contribute to this zine.

Judy, I love the idea of a comedy zine and you did a marvelous job with it. I especially love the layout. The frames around the poems and jokes, while on the same page as story text, were great and we're going to have to try that for Only Hope. Hey, if I'm gonna steal something, I might as well do it from the best. And 'Smelly' is definitely up there with the best. And with a first issue too. Congrats! I'm looking forward to the next issue.

May The Force Be With You All.[1]

I think "I Don't Care What You Smell!" is just the absolutely best I've ever and you are the best editors around. Thank you very much for publishing my first poems and articles. Seriously, I love the back cover cartoon, "Adventures in Babysitting", "Entertainment", "Weight Wars" and "Wedding Day Bruise". I liked almost everything else as well but did have some reservations about "Lost Forever" and "On The Beach". Since they are in this zine, I guess they are okay.

The zine itself is well put together and very readable (visually as well as content wise). All of the illustrations are clear and balanced light to dark (pun intended).

I found the most appropriate item to be "Ballad of the Bankrupt Fan" since it describes me so well. [2]

"Smelly" seems to be the zine everybody needed - quality fun and entertainment, just the right dessert for the finicky palate of the SW zine readers. Great stories, great illos: Stasulis, espedally pg.47 and 194, Grotty, and Swindle on page 216. Marvelous color cartoon by Steyn on the back cover! Next time, put one of those on the front.

Loved Taero's "Bankrupt Fan", Mink's "Master Ben", Nowakowska's "Gypsy". Mink's "Art of the Jedi" was subtle, hilarious and masterfully written.

Fox's "Reversal of Fortune" — can I have second helpings of these?

Morgan-Henley — Obi Quiet Kenobi was a riot.

Treleaven's "I Love Luke " had me rolling on the floor. Now that's a girl for Luke!

Steyn's "Forest Moon" was great, "New Game " was a good Luke POV.

Robin's White's "Mary Sue" and Nussman's "It Could Happen" proved that reprints are a very good thing.

Marti Schuller's "Entertainment" and "Festa Fiasco" were a pleasure, loved the surprise ending

Kittle: DS9 aossover — I laughed so hard, I frightened my dog. If you write like this when you are sober, I'd like to see something you'd write after some spice brandy!

Palumbo's "Carrie" was refreshingly unique.

Ebberley's "A.W.O.L." was great entertainment all the way.

Golledge's "Bruise" (what else?) was thoroughly funny and warm.

Cheryl Kiser "Father and Son" — a very, very excellent story, most satisfying. I hope there will be more about the same people, would like to know them better, their family connections, marriages, the Force-using bloodline and all. [3]

Many thanks for sending I Don't Care What You Smell!' so promptly - you set an all - time record in zine response time! And it's great that you're planning another issue because I certainly loved this one; it was a delightful foil to the darker stories fandom produces. (Not that some of them aren't delightful, too, but who's always in the mood for existential dilemmas, death and despair?)

These are a few of my favorite bits from the zine:

That mischievous line "Like something the golledge dragged in" from Z. P. Florian's imaginatively detailed "Rancor Delivery". (She really ought to be writing professionally.)

Robin White's treatise on the polemical between the real and the ideal (okay, okay, so this one made me think about whether or not you would often recognize one of Our Heroes in a real life counterpart) in "Mary Sue And The Bandit".

Marti Schuller's, J.P. Treleaven's and Deborah Kittle's facile play between fantasy universes in "Entertainment"1 Love Luke " and "The Saga of D.S. Nine". And that was a good point Marti made in the poem "Peace". Surely the galaxy's big enough to hold both Luke and Hanfans!

And as for Mary Jo Fox, her "Reversal Of Fortune " was perfect!

Judy Ebberiey wrote Han's lines with a deft touch in "A.W.O.L ". It was very easy to imagine him talking in just that way.

And M.J. Mink's "Master Ben" was deliciously wicked!

Actually everything in the zine was competently written. So, does the prose come to you all polished like that or do you give writers lots of guidance? Whatever, it worked! Thanks for a delightful read. [4]

What can I say?? I was overwhelmed! 7 Don't Care What You Smell' is a hearty zine, and it's just the first issue. It's not really practical to comment on every single piece in here (or else that will be 250 pages in length itself), so I'll hit upon the highlights.

The best story was M.J. Mink's "The Art Of Jedi". What a riot! It was a surreal satire on every Skywalker cliche imaginable, and that infomercial was hysterical. Where have you been hiding before, Minky??

I'd have to say Debbie Kittie's "The Saga of D.S. Nine " was my second favorite. Most cross universe stories range from okay to yecch, but this was really well done! I had to laugh at how the Bothan race became extinct, and at the image of Kira wearing that huge, heavy earring. The great thing about it was that Debbie utilized characters that often get neglected in fen fiction. Thanks for the mention, Debbie.

Treleaven's "Adventures In Babysitting" had some humorous moments (I don't know whether to call you "J.P." or by your real name).

The combination of Skyalker anger, Corellian blood, and having Grandpa's name would make for a wild child indeed. The best part was when Anakin daydreamed about being "rich and famous and killing lots of people". He's an intergalactic Bart Simpson! A.G. Steyn had lots of wonderful material, but my favorite of hers was "Once Upon A Forest Moon". What great slapstick! I also enjoyed "Mary Sue And The Bandit", "Desperation", "Wedding Day Bruise", and "Father And Son", though some parts of it kind of went over my head.

I liked most of the poems and filks, my favorites being Liz S.'s "O Bothans! My Bothans!" (the offical poem of the Dead Bothan Society) and Marti Schuller's "Peace" - thank you for saying it! guys, the heroes were all a team - SW wouldn't be the same without any one of them.

As for the artwork, I liked Crotty's portraits and that one by Sandra Swindle was pretty good, too. Nancy Stasulis' illustrations were generally well done, but I must admit that one of Leia on page 206 made Her Royalness look awfully bony, like out of a Kathe Kollwitz piece. More meat on her next time!

Great debut, gals, looking forward to more. [5]

'Smelly' smelled....wonderful! I laughed all the way through. My favorite piece was "The Art Of " by M.J. Mink. I'll never be able to hear "satisfying clicking sounds" without laughing. This looks like the kind of story she wrote after reading one too many zines. Really late at night. During a long con.

Also enjoyed Debbie Kittle's "Saga of D.S. Nine". The scene between Kira and Mon Mothma was hysterical. What a wicked sense of humor.

Loved the illo for "I Love Luke". The story was wonderfully silly and Z.P. captured Marie Treleaven's silliness exactly. Where can I get some of that fruit?

"Festa Fiasco" by Marti Schuller was a lot of fun. What an evil twist to have Han fixed up by an animal doctor! Don't let Golledge & Co. hear about that. I shudder to think about that trend. I hope none of Han and Leia's travails were based on personal experience, Marti!

My favorite serious story was Cheryl Kiser's "Father And Son", though I'll admit it took me a while to get into. I wasn't sure if it was a role-play story that I'd missed the beginning of somewhere. But I stuck with it and ended up wanting to see more of Randoch Sarlind. Good idea to use the cave on Dagobah. The admiral was a great icy villain in the Thrawn/Tarkin vein, only more compelling because of his relationship with his son.

Loved both front and back covers. I admit that a few of the noses stumped me. I hope the cover for #2 is a smello-rama. A.G.'s back cover was priceless. Everyone has a lithe, sexy look.

Can't wait for more "Smelly"! [6]

WOW! You two did a wonderful job with 'Smelly'. I am overwhelmed by the whole thing and am unsure where to begin. First off, I will say I enjoyed everything in the beast. So well-written and so nicely done, I know I'll run out of words before I get finished.

Both covers are a riot. I adore A.G. Steyn's sense of humor and, regardless of what she says, she can draw! And the noses! I look forward to Z.P.'s next cover installment.

Marti Schuller's poem "Peace" is right on the money, well-written and I hope will help keep things running smoothly.

"Rancor Delivery" by Z. P. Florian was an absolute scream! When she gets Han and Xal together, nothing is ever trouble-free.

Co-ed Marti Schuller's two pieces, "Entertainment" and "Festa Fiasco" were wonderful. I love the way she put Q in the end of the fibrst story. She kq)t me guessing imtil the end. And then talk about disasters with "Fiasco". It would almost make me stay indoors the whole time.

AG. Steyn has a very unique and quirky sense of humor and she never failed to have me in stitches every time I read her stuff. Both "Once Upon A Forest Moon" and "New Game - New Luck" continue the tradition. In the latter story, she has some great interactions with Luke, Owen and Beru. I also enjoyed her cartoons (you did a great job with the stuff!).

Am glad to see that Liz S. sent in the Dead Bothan National Anthem. Well done, "O Bothan"!

Cheree Cargill's "Weight Wars" was perfect and oh, so true!

Someone made me read M.J. Mink's "Art of Jedi " at Media West this year (laughing for five full minutes or more non-stop made me wonder) and after reading the piece, now I know why. It was hilarious and a great spoof on infomercials. Her filk, "Master was great as well.

"Wedding Day Bruise" by my favorite trash 'em and smash 'em author, Carolyn Golledge, was another in a long line of tradition. Poor Jake. And poor Han that he had to cover it all up.

Jennifer's Moore's poetry is nice to read and I really enjoyed the zine's "Bad Joke". It went quite well with that AG. cartoon.

"I Love Luke" by J.P. Treleaven was a riot. I used to watch that show growing up and it had me laughing then as J.P.'s did now. A great match-up in fandom.

"Father And Son" by Cheryl Kiser (that illo for the story was incredible!) was a good Imperial story. I found the father's and Yoda's interaction nicely done.

The art portfolio and all the cartoons by some of my favorite artists was a delight to gaze upon.

I know I probably only touched on two-thirds of the contributors, but this LoC is getting rather large in itself. I do want to thank everyone who was in the zine because you gave me hours of endless joy. Also, thank you to Judy and Marti. A smash-up job. I'm glad I was there for the conception. It didn't hurt a bit! I am looking forward to 'Smelly 2'.[7]

I enjoyed "Adventures In Babysitting". I thought the comment about little Anakin feeling left out of things because the twins had each other, and he was relatively alone, was quite insightful!

Had a giggle over Han's description of an x-wing. 'Tincan' indeed! I think he was getting his own back for Luke's comments about the Falcon.

"Reversal Of Fortune" was very funny! What a turn around from the shy, easily flustered princess we're used to.

"Weight Wars" gave me a giggle, too. I guess Han's Corellian luck was with him again. Maybe he should put together an exercise video? Think of it, Han Solo in skin-tight spandex!!!

LOVED "This Issue's Bad Joke" especially the punchline. Very clever.

The "Corellian Gypsy Song" was great as was the accompanying illo.

"A.W.O.L. " was a favorite of mine and NOT just because the author happens to be a good friend of mine. I love Judy's character.

Major Val-Dom. She's one of the few people in fan fiction who can get the better of Han Solo. A feat in itself! Well done, Judy and keep on writing.

"I Love Luke " was hilarious. The illo of Luke dancing Carmen Miranda style (sort of) at the end (no pun intended) was a riot.

Carolyn's "Wedding Day Bruise" was another winner. Poor Jake! If he doesn't watch out, he'll beat Han's record for the most number of trashings received. The anti-grav boot idea was positively ingenious. Corellian inspiration for sure!

"Festa Fiasco" was excellent - though NOT for Han and Leia. Somehow, I'd imagined Han and Leia's honeymoon to have been more... um.... 'active' than this poor couple managed. The conclusion was a scream.

"Prognosis" had me laughing. If Leia needs any help with caring for Han, I'll be more than willing to see to Rule #5 for her. (All heart, ain't I??!!)

There was some great artwork in this zine. Z.P. Florian must have worked very hard and with very good results, too. I very much liked Gerald Crotty's work.

It was a thoroughly enjoyable zine all around. You and Marti should give yourselves a well-deserved back slap. [8]

The idea of a zine devoted to the lighter side of writing was an intriguing prospect and the results were certainly worth all your efforts. From front to back cover it was a joy to read. The illustrations and artwork added beautifully to the whole. The art portfolio was marvelous. The highlight being the wonderful back cover by AG. Steyn. Each of the characters was so well drawn and to get it in full color was a real bonus.

The filks, poems and cartoons completed the whole. They seem to say in a few words or a drawing things that take the less talented amongst us page after page to say!

The stories were a delight, favorites being Carolyn Golledge's "Wedding Day Bruise" and "Festa Fiasco" by Marti Schuller. Not that I didn't enjoy the others. I did. All of them. It is the differing perspectives to the characters and the variety in the storylines that makes for so much interest in this zine.

Finally, a word of thanks to you and Marti for all your help in getting my story fit to put into print and a special word of thanks to Carolyn Golledge and Nicola Pearce for giving me the support and courage to actually submit a piece of my writing.

Looking forward to 'Smelly #2[9]

Issue 2

front cover of issue #2, Z.P. Florian
back cover of issue #2, Nancy Stasulis
flyer for issue #2

I Don't Care What You Smell 2 was published in May 1996 and is 210 pages long.

The front cover is by Z.P. Florian and Nancy Stasulis created the back cover. The interior art is by Deborah Kittle, A.G. Steyn, Nadye Whitham, Wanda Lybarger, Nicola Pearce, Nancy Stasulis, Z.P. Florian, and Amanda Palumbo.

From the editorial:

Here is our second issue.... It all started at Media West (if we ever stop going to Media West, there won't be any ideas for this zine ©). On Master Yoda's (aka Z.P. Florian) door suddenly appeared some questions. Diligently Master Yoda answered them, hoping that would be the end of the messages. Alas, no, they kept reappearing. One of the editors of this zine (who shall, to protect her, remain anonymous) saw them and thought they were funny and should go into a comedy zine - namely, this one. So, Master Yoda's door appears in this zine. We want to blame - er - thank the unknown message writers and Master Yoda for his insightful answers.


We had decided not to solicit artwork for the zine with the exception of the fairytale section. We want to publicly thank Z.P. Florian and Nancy Stasulis (Smelly's art staff) for doing such an incredible job illustrating the fairytales. I think they had fun doing them because I got a note from Nancy stating, "it's not nice to try to kill off your illustrators by making them choke to death laughing!! I think this trying to kill me off early is so my art will become valuable post-mortem!"

Suddenly, artwork began to arrive. Nicola Pearce sent me a full page and a Russian penpal friend of Debbie Kittle's, Nadye Whitham sent quite a few of them. Then the cartoons started to arrive. Wanda Lybarger sent three (one is not really Star Wars but was so terrific, it had to be included), Z.P. Florian sent two, Nancy Stasulis sent one and AG. Steyn sent a whole passle of them. Our thanks and appreciation to all of them. We also want to thank ZP for her "cabbage patch" Yodas which we used as fillers - no two are alike!

Thanks to Z.P. Florian for our terrific front cover. By the way, not one person sent in guesses for the noses on the last cover. Were they that difficult?

At Christmas, I received a hand-drawn card from Nancy Stasulis. Since we had a 'Thanksgiving' back cover last issue, we thought it would be fun to have a 'Christmas' one this year and twisted (but not too hard) Nancy's arm to allow us to use it. What story do you suppose Lando is telling them?

This issue has a flyer for a parody zine that in itself is a parody: See Nyub Nyub!.

  • Odor Eaters, letters of comment (1)
  • Cartoon by A.G. Steyn (5)
  • Vacation by Deborah Kittle (Four fans have an interesting adventure at Planet Hollywood.) (6)
  • Cartoon by Wanda Lybarger (21)
  • Helmet: The Early Years, Archived version by L.D. Helmet as told to M.J. Mink (Luke's new helmet has a story to tell.) (22)
  • Solo's Deflating Come-Uppance by Carolyn Golledge (Post Star Wars: A New Hope: Han becomes the Chosen One to a tribe of women. The Rebels must win the support of a planet of Amazonian warrior women. Leia is assigned the task and she must have a sex slave accompany her or she will have no status on this woman’s world. Who will she choose? And what will Han do about it?) [10] (28)
  • Darth of the Sith Lords by Deborah Kittle (47)
  • Surprise! by Tammy Olsen (48)
  • Jedi Academy Courses by Sheryl Haven (51)
  • Cartoon by A.G. Steyn (53)
  • Twins by Marti Schuller (Luke and Leia investigating an alien temple. Something very strange occurs.) (From the zine: "As sometimes happens, two writers — each unaware of the other's creative activity — develop a similar idea at nearly the same instant. Each goes forward, writing their stories, oblivious to the parallel. Such an incident occurred with the story you have just finished reading. J.P. Treleaven's "Complications on Itrurua" published in TREMOR IN THE FORCE #7 and my "Twins" share a basic premise, though each story is certainly uniquely its author's. J. P. and I found this parallel amusing and remain confident that neither story detracts from the other. We hope you agree.") (54)
  • Cartoon by Wanda Lybarger (81)
  • Last Laugh by Amanda Palumbo (82)
  • Galactic Cookbook by Master Chef Yoda (83)
  • Cartoon by Amanda Palumbo (83)
  • Galatically Correct Bedtime Stories by Anonymous (A special section of fairytale take-offs by Kittle, Mink, Florian, Fox, Schuller, Haven, Treleaven and Pryor.) (86)
    • I'm a Darkside Sith Lord by Deborah Kittle (87)
    • Luki: Prince of the Forest by M.J. Mink (88)
    • Little Black Jedi Hood by Z.P. Florian (94)
    • Sleeping Solo by Mary Jo Fox (95)
    • Three Jedi Knights Bluff by Marti Schuller (97)
    • Three Little Jedi by Sheryl Haven (99)
    • Luke and the Deathstalk by Deborah Kittle (100)
    • Beauty and the Sith by Cheryl Pryor (Includes a bit of RPF with Michael Eisenberg...) (105)
    • Rapunzeleia by J.P. Treleaven (112)
  • Cartoon by A.G. Steyn (115)
  • Cartoon by Nimish Vyas (116)
  • Hello Daala by Deborah Kittle (117)
  • Cartoon by Z.P. Florian (119)
  • Mary Sue and the Bandit: Part 2 by Robin White (reprinted from Xenozine #3) (120)
  • The Decision by Mary Jo Fox (125)
  • I Was Blown Away by Deborah Kittle (127)
  • Cartoon by Nancy Stasulis (128)
  • Ultimatum by Marti Schuller (129)
  • Cartoon by A.G. Steyn (131)
  • Surprise Surprise by A.G. Steyn (132)
  • Discrimination by Z.P. Florian (145)
  • Cross-Eyed Universe by Jennifer Moore (146)
  • Cartoon by A.G. Steyn (147)
  • Password by M.J Mink (148)
  • Cartoon by A.G. Steyn (153)
  • Like Father, Like Son by Judy Ebberly (154)
  • Cartoon by Z.P. Florian (169)
  • Yoda's Door by The Media West fen (170)
  • You Ain't Much Fun by Deborah Kittle (171)
  • The Time of the Hunter's Moon by Veronica Wilson (Is Vader cracking up?)(172)
  • Cartoon by A.G. Steyn (182)
  • Cartoon by Nimish Vyas (183)
  • I Love Luke: Episode 2 by J.P. Treleaven (Luke and another Jedi get jobs with disastrous results.) (184)
  • Cartoon by A.G. Steyn (190)
  • Cartoon by Wanda Lybarger (191)
  • A Night to Regret by Marti Schuller (192)
  • The Evacuation of Yavin IV by Paul Michael Kane (203)
  • Cartoon by Nimish Vyas (210)

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 2

WHOA! What another great issue! Smelly 2 was a great read. Now where do I begin? The covers: ZP's front one is a riot and Nancy did a lovely job with Christmas.

Leave it to M.J. Mink to write a story from the perspective of a fighter pilot's helmet in "The Early Years". And it was so good, too. And then "Password" had me in stitches.

And speaking of stitches, Carolyn Golledge's "Solo's Deflating Come-Uppance" was so perfect. I could barely stop laughing!

Marti Schuller had three delightful stories. "Twins" stood on its own even though it was similar to a J.P. Treleaven story. I enjoyed it. "Ultimatum " was cute. "A Night To Regret" had me wondering what was going on, until the end, which I like.

Z.P. Florian's Cookbook was cute. Being a closet gourmet chef, can appreciate the time and energy involved in cooking these meals. And her story "Discrimination" was a delight from R2's point of view. Those Master Yoda questions and answers were hysterical!

"The Decision " by Mary Jo Fox was a riot. I'm glad it was a bad dream, too.

AG Steyn and her story "Surprise, Surprise!" was a nice read. I love the way she writes about Luke on Tatooine - it's hilarious. And speaking of hilarious, her Dead Bothan Society jokes were absolutely incredible! Thank you, AG.! We may put you in charge of PR.

"Cross-Eyed Universe": Jennifer Moore certainly has a great way with words when she writes a poem. There should be a law against Corellians and Ferengi getting anywhere near your taxes. J.P. Treleaven's second installmait of "I Love Luke" was wonderful. That's one of my fevorrte Lucy episodes. I saved the best for last. The HoloGuide came out beautifully. You did a great job on lay out, Judy, and Z.P.'s artwork was great.

And those "Galactically Correct Bedtime Stories"! I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so very well done, especially Cheryl Pryor's story. Well done for a first time in print story! And ZP and Nancy with their artwork: incredible!

Everyone did a great job and I enjoyed the entire issue from cover to cover. A small thank you to Nancy also for her cartoon of Cooking Bothan. It seems Bothans are enjoying the spotlight and the brunt of many jokes. Keep up the great work, you two. Issue 3 will be much anticipated! [11]

Smelly #2 was great. I was a bit disappointed at first, though. Since I hadn't read #1, I was expecting an all-through hilarious, "Mad Magazine" like zine after I had read the LoCs. It wasn't. But, after reading some more stories, I realized how good this zine really is.

"The Early Years" by M.J. Mink was so cute.

Every time I watch the videos and see Luke flying his X-wing, I think, "Hey, there's L.D. Helmet!"

"Solo's Deflating Come-Uppance" by Carolyn Golledge really captured Han's manners and ways. Very good. All the feiry tales were eigoyable to read. My favorite was "Three Jedi Knights' Bluff" by Marti Schuller.

"Like Father Like Son" was another great story by Judy Ebberly. I really like the characters and environment that surrounds Han and Chewie in her stories.

"The Time Of The Hunter's Moon" by Veronica Wilson was one of my fevorites in the zine. It was so....dark and Gothic.

Another story that also got me hooked was "Twins" by Marti Schuller. A very well-written story. I loved Rogay, a wonderful character.

Of the artwork, I just loved A.G. Steyn's Jawas.

I'll end this by saying, again, I Don't Care What You Smell! was great. I'm really looking forward to issue #3.[12]

Another splendid issue of Smelly, even better than the first! Both the covers and the interior artwork by your "resident artists", ZP Florian and Nancy Stasulis, are beautiful. I particularly enjoyed the art in the bedtime stories section, though I must have looked at Nancy's "Beauty And The Sith" drawirig a dozen times before I noticed the Mickey Mouse watch. Wanda Lybarger's Han on page 21 certainly has a nice set of muscles!

AG. Steyn's cartoons are a hoot, particularly the one on page 53. Her story, "Surprise, Surprise!" was totally delightful. I always enjoy the richly detailed backgrounds she imagines.

Debbie Kittle's "Vacation " is the ultimate fen fantasy with none of the usual meeting-a-character-in-person cliches. Her "Luke And The Deathstalk" is very funny, but with an effective, pathetic ending. And Debbie's filks are as terrific as always, with Nancy's illos adding just the right touch.

Carolyn Golledge's "Solo's Deflating Come Uppance!" is both cute and entertaining.

"Surprise" by Tammy Olsen actually was a surprise. It's fun to see a familiar scene portrayed from another view. Veronica Wilson's Time of The Hunter's Moon" was as eerie and intriguing as all her pieces about Vader and Palpatine are.

JP Treleaven's "I Love Luke, Episode 2" was delightful - when do we get the grape-stomping episode?

Sheryl Haven's "Jedi Academy Courses" is clever. The HoloGuide pull-out is hysterical and must have been tremendously fun to write. ZP Florian's recipes are as cute and disgusting as Master Yoda's "Galactic Cookbook" should be! And her "Discrimination" is so true - what an original look at Artoo.

Back to the Bedtime Stories; Marvelous section, all the stories and illos are terrific. I particularly enjoyed Cheryl Pryor's "Beauty And The Sith" - it was sparkling, clever and sad --- a difficult combination, but managed perfectly by Cheryl. And JP Treleaven's "Rapunzeleia" had me rolling on the floor - very witty!

I know I've left out some people, but I've run out of superlatives. It will have to suffice to say:

Judy and Marti, you've done another terrific job - and I'm eagerly waiting for issue 3.[13]

Smelly #2 is the stinkiest issue ever! Must be from all the rotting Dead Bothans who contributed to it. The "Galactically Correct Bedtime Stories" turned out really well. I particularly enjoyed "Luke And The Deathstalk" (as well as the accompanying illo), "Beauty and The Sith", and "Rapunzeleia" (with all of its p.c. pretensions and Leia singing the blues!). The TV guide supplement was cute, too.

"Surprise, Surprise" had me laughing out loud at every turn. Every sentence had a gag, and it seems as though every one of them worked. It also told a very plausible story of how Luke ended up with a landspeeder, and a little bit of what life is like on Tatooine.

"Vacation" proves what can happen to your brain after too many years engaged in fannish activity! Debbie, if you ever do visit Planet Hollywood in London, I'll be sure to take my phone off" the hook! Just kidding; I realty want to go too. You get to ogle Han in person, I sure don't want to be on the other side of the planet.

"I Love Luke " was an interesting take on the classic chocolate factory episode, while "Password" was just plain odd! In a good way, of course, Minky!

"Solo's Deflating Come-Uppance" was a first...Han survives a Carolyn Golledge story unscathed!!! "Discrinmatian" touched upon a base truth...Artoo's the one who saves everyone time and time again. People say Wedge is the unsung hero of the SW universe, but Artoo gets even less recognition for all his heroic deeds!

As for "A Night To Regret", I must say it's a real relief to read a story where Leia isn't uptight, prudish and anal-retentive.

"The Evacuation Of Yavin IV" was a good day-after-ANH action yarn. I always appreciate a well-written space battle scene. Tho "The Time Of The Hunter's Moon " was nicely written, it felt oddly out of place in a light-hearted zine. I think there's already an abundance of angst-ridden dark serious stories in SW zines. Not to say I wouldn't like to see Veronica's work in good ol' Smelly, but come on, I know you can write something a little less brooding! (Ed note: Veronica warned us this was not a light story, but we welcome all good writing. While we hope to keep a preponderance of lightness and humor, we also hope to see Smelly grow. J&M)

"Cross-Eyed Universe" provided a few chuckles, while the "Hello, Daala" filk was a real gem. In case they ever do "Darksaber: The Musical", we know who they ought to hire to write the lyrics.

I enjoyed Nadye Whitham's character portraits, A.G. Steyn's cartoons, and Nancy Stasulis's caricatures for the fairytales. Liked her Christmas card illo on the back too. How about a Ramadan themed illo for the next issue? Or Rosh Hashanah?

Well, it's almost 1 a.m. and time to wrap up this LoC. Thanks for another shiny happy issue of

Smelly and I'm looking forward to #3.[14]

Just to let you know Smelly #2 was excellent from front cover through to the back cover. I don't care who you blame for all the ideas (see notes from Proboscis Press) but just keep going to Media West so that you can go on producing a wonderful zine. I only wish that the UK. TV had a holo-guide timetable like the one you included. I could become a real couch potato, or is that Hutt?

Since I am a fan of politically incorrect bedtime stories, I really enjoyed the galactically correct ones.

The cartoons and filks were exceptional this time - a gem every time you tumed the page. Both A.G. Steyn and Wanda Lybarger excelled themselves, but all the others were wonderful too. Loved Yoda's door.

The illustrations ware great. There are some really talented people out there and their love for the subject shows through in their work. Also the poems show real flair and love.

As for the quality of the story work, what can I say except that it just goes on getting better and better. Favorites included Marti Schuller's "A Night To Regret", Carolyn Golledge's "Solo's Deflating Come-Uppance" (couldn't you persuade someone to illustrate this?), A.G. Steyn's "Surpnrise, Surprise!" and "Discrimination" by Z.P. Florian. Suffice it to say that I can't think of one story I didn't enjoy.

Can hardly wait for Smelly #3. Thank you both for all your efforts. [15]

I thought I'd tell you how much I enjoyed Smelly #2. It was, again, a very well put together, very well organized zine and packed to the covers with talent!

I very much enjoyed "Vacation" by Deb Kittle. Great idea, and wow! isn't it the holiday of all our dreams. What a souvenir, huh? Pity the 'Han and Leia' relationship got in the way of the ladies "fun"! I'm sure Han could've supplied hours of "fun". I screamed, positively screamed with laughter at the thought of 'Harrison Ford' washing his hands in a urinal. Oh, dear, poor Han! Poor Harrison!

Carolyn did it again. She had me roaring with laughter while humiliating poor Han mercilessly in "Solo's Deflating Come-Uppance". Oh, what a cruel fate it would be to cut off his.... uh.... "assets"!

"A Night To Regret". Marti's portrayal of Han and Leia's relationship was, yet again, spot on. Just the right amount of sensuality and humor. I would've loved to have seen an illo of Han's tattoo. I'm certain that once Han's 'embarrassment' had been removed, Leia would find he was no prude.

"Like Father, Like Son". Judy gets better and better with every story she writes. Her characterizations are perfect, and you can actualy imagine the characters saying the things that she writes. Surely the sign that she's got it right. Loved her character Rahandir.

Wanda's cartoon "Between A Rock And A Hard Place" was pure genius! Though it's not SW, it was definitely worth printing.

The "Galactically Correct Bedtime Story" collection was great, very fimny and well adapted.

My favorite was "Rapunzeleia". ZP's artwork throughout was wonderful and I loved her 'cabbage patch' Yoda's. A brilliant idea.

The "Holo-Guide" was simply ingenious. A question - how can you get a 'Late Night with Han Solo"??!!!?? And 'Love, Corellian Style". Hmm, now that sounds interesting. Brilliant, brilliant, Barbara. Sheer GENIUS!!!

Love the back cover. My guess is Lando is telling of how Han won the Falcon from him.[16]

Smelly is a wonderful read and I've never seen a fanzine of this before. Crikey! This zine is quality with a capital Q! Most of the fanzines you get over here are usually only twenty or so pages long, so this one is great.

I loved the cartoon of Han at different ages and the cartoons of Yoda's fece all the way through. Great stuff!

There's just so much excellent stuff in there that it's difficult to pick out one story that I enjoyed the most. It sure opened my eyes to how involved fans in your country get when it comes to Star Wars.

I read in one of the LoCs that they had tried to identify the characters on the cover of Smelly #1, so I thought I'd take a guess at whose legs are on the cover of #2. Let me see - on the top row there's Stormtrooper, C-3P0, Leia (from Jedi) and Yoda, next line has R2, Chewbacca, Salacious Crumb, Boba Fett and Luke (from Empire), and finally the bottom row has an Ewok, Scout Walker, Luke (from Star Wars) and Han Solo (the stripe on the trouser gave it away - for a moment I thought it was Luke from Jedi. How did I do? [Ed: Pretty good You only missed one. That's not Leia's foot - it's a pig guard! We offered a free copy for the most correctly identified noses with #1 and nobody even tried to guess. You are the only one who guessed for #2 so I'm going to award you a free copy. JY] [17]

A deliriously silly collection of incredibly imaginative stories and poems, a dazzling cornucopia of delights!

Now, it is imposable to do justice to all the goodies in there, so I'll just mention a few..... Kittle's "Luke And The Deathstalk" and "Vacation"; Mink's "Luki, Prince Of The Forest", and the great "Helmet", plus the twisted "Password ." Pryor's "Beauty And The Sith", especially Louis, the talking 'saber... Steyn's "Surprise" with a great Tatooine holiday song. Stasulis' crookedly funny drawings, Lybarger's Corellian evolution, and the Lybarger/ Anderson ad for the Ewok smutzine, the HoloGuide craziness, filks to die for, Treleaven's "I Love Luke" - I love his wife! Schuller's "A Night To Regret". Golledge's delicious trip to Am'zonia....who wouldn't want those two haksi??

The one serious piece, Wilson's "Hunter's Moon" - again, it proved that no matter how many times she travels into the planes of the soul of Vader and the Emperor, the vista is always irresistible, the tantalizing glimpses leave us wanting more.[18]

Wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed Smelly #2. Where did you get that great sticker? [Ed: Contributors received a special sticker on their copy which were made hy a friend of mirte. JY]. Loved the stinky feet cover - though a certain Dark Lord was missing. No doubt his feet don't qualify! The back cover by Nancy Stasulis was wonderful - too bad it wasn't in the movie.

I loved Marie Treleaven's ""Rapunzeleia" - very galactically correct. I'm glad I'm not a "tradition-bound member of the borgeoisie" so I could appreciate the story. All the faiiy tales were fun and funny, but this one was hysterical!

Debbie Kittle's ""Vacation" was true wish fulfillment. My favorite scene was the 'someone who loves you' one. Don't we all! Even though I'd heard the general outline of this story before I read it, Debbie managed to surprise me with her twists in the tale and with her wit.

As a serious story, Veronica Wilson's "Time Of The Hunter's Moon " gets my vote as the best. Very eerie but still capturing the elegance of my favorite Sith. I liked the interplay between the Emperor and Vader; their relationship is so complex and we get so little of it in the films. Enjoyed all of Master Yoda's self-portraits scattered through the issue, as well as the snappy questions and answers from the Master's door.

I know you all will have some great stuff planned for #3. [19]

Issue 3

front cover #3, Rhydderch Wilson
back cover of issue #2, Nadye Whitham

I Don't Care What You Smell 3 was published in May 1997 and has 310 pages. It has a color cover by Rhydderch Wilson and a back cover by Nadye Whitham. Other art by Wanda Lybarger, Zyene, Z.P. Florian, Nadye Whitham, Nancy Stasulis, Bert-Olaf Lundin, and Tanya Rizzuti.

It won the 1998 FanQ Award for 'Best Star Wars Zine.'

The editorial by Marti:

It's hard to believe that Smelly's already reached its third issue. It seems only yesterday that Judy pulled me aside at MWC to tell me she wanted to publish a SW zine. I'm still astonished that she wanted me to work with her as co-editor, but I wouldn't have missed this experience. I hope Smelly has many, many more issues. On to the year 2000!

Which, in a roundabout way, brings me to the point of this editorial. (Yes, reader, I do have one.) I've quickly learned that, like all living things, a zine tends to grow. This is good. Yet growth in size alone is hardly real growth. The thing that intrigued me most about working on Smelly, besides my friendship with Judy, was her desire to publish a comedy zine. We'd both agreed that SW fandom desperately needed more humor and we hope we've provided a good place for h. But the time has come to move forward.

Now, don't get me wrong. We still want to keep the preponderance of material in Smelly on a light or humorous course. Laughter is still the best antidote to some of life's harsher realities. However, it's also our goal to never exclude good writing. Therefore, we are throwing open our pages to more dramatic, serious work. We welcome your efforts in helping us to bring Smelly into the future.

Remember, life is change.
From the editorial by Judith:

I agree with Marti that we need to progress. I have encountered many writers who tell me that they would love to contribute to Smelly but wither they don't have any comedic material or they don't write it. I don't like excluding them and hope that they will reconsider now that we have opened the pages of Smelly to more than humor. Actually, we have never said that we would only print humorous material. In fact, Smelly has had some more serious works in it. We'd just like more.

If Smelly gets any larger, I will either be reducing the size of the print or finding a new font. We would like to keep Smelly in a reasonable price range. More material means more pages and with the rising costs of printing, we'll have to do something or price ourselves out of existence.
  • Odor Eaters, letters of comment (1)
  • The Art of Jedi Special Edition, Archived version by M.J. Mink (Times have changed, and Luke must update his image. STAR aWARdS Best Short Story 1997.) (6)
  • Luke, poem by Susan Zahn (9)
  • Up the Wazoo by Martie O' Brien (STAR aWARdS Medium story - honorable mention) (Set before Star Wars: A New Hope. Han takes a trip with a returning planetary ruler who has to perform an unusual task. Han and Chewie transporting an exiled king back to his land. The long then wants Han to take over an 'onerous'duty.)
  • Wedgy Sue, filk to the tune of "Peggy Sue," by Deborah Kittle (25)
  • Miracle at the Convention by Z.P. Florian (26)
  • A Tender Male Bonding Moment by Mary Jo Fox ("This takes place right after the novel Children Of The Jedi, when the Millennium Falcon has just dropped off Luke and his new love, Callista, at the Jedi Academy on Yavin IV.") (27)
  • Boba Fett Rocks, comic by Rhydderch Wilson (29)
  • Trek to Yavin by Z.P. Florian (Star Trek crossover) (32)
  • Sorcerer's Apprentice, poem by A.G. Steyn (37)
  • A Little Action by Marti Schuller (38)
  • From the Desk of Boba Fett by A.G. Steyn (Topic: the inconsistencies and sloppiness regarding Boba Fett in pro books. "An open letter to George Lucas and his pro-fiction writers by Boba Fett. "Might I have a word with you? Why me, George? What have I ever done to deserve this? Believe me. Oh Great All-Powerful Creator of the Galaxy, life as a bounty hunter is tough enough as is. The last thing I need is some so-called pro-fiction authors of galactic guides and assorted other fine literature making my humble existence even more complicated and miserable.") (43)
  • Ties That Bind by Judy Ebberly (46)
  • VHF Solo: Contraband by Martie O'Brien ("A 12-song set, with title logo by Wanda Lybarger.") (Luke seems to have disappeared, so Han, Chewie, and Major Van-Dorn go looking for him.) (66)
    • The Outlaw and the Virgin Queen
    • Like a Brother to the Blues
    • Don't Draw Your Gun
    • Heartsease (suggested by a scene in "Mirrors" by Wanda Lybarger)
    • Opportunity
    • The Free-Trader's Song
    • Easy Money
    • Where I Stand
    • Heart of the Void
    • Changes
    • Ride the Night
    • Looks in the Mirror
  • Venus of the Dune Sea, art by Tanya Rizutti (75)
  • Garden of Sadness by Belea Keeney (Vader is at a rehab center and meets a very interesting grounds keeper.) (76)
  • Blind, poem by Susan Zahn (81)
  • Femme Fatale, poem by Veronica Wilson (STAR aWARdS Best Miscellaneous) (82)
  • Breakfast with the Twins, Archived version, also here by M.J. Mink (Han takes his children out for breakfast with some very disastrous results.) (Star Awards Honorable Mention for Vignettes, 1997) (83)
  • Yoda Don't Preach, filk to the tune of "Papa Don't Preach," by Madonna, by Mary Jo Fox (88)
  • The Art of Wanda Lybarger by Wanda Lybarger (89)
  • The Promise by J.A. Berger (STAR aWARdS Long story - honorable mention) (From the Blue Falcon Series. Continues the story begun in Corellian Alliance.) (94)
  • Errand to Falin by Marti Schuller (132)
  • Galactic Enquirer, parody by Anonymous (146)
  • Big Ol' Ship, filk to the tune of "Big 'Ol Truck," by Toby Keith, by Deborah Kittle (151)
  • A Spaceman Came Travelling by A.G. Steyn (Moving the Rebel base to Perel sounded simple, right? Wrong! Han, Luke, Leia, and Chewie have some difficulties with the Falcon.) (152)
  • Boba Fett Rocks 2, comic by Rhydderch Wilson (173)
  • Together Again Carolyn Golledge (Han and Luke celebrate their tenth anniversary of meeting by returning to Mos Eisley cantina. And boy oh boy has the place changed!) (176)
  • The Outlaw Trail, cartoon by A.G. Steyn (189)
  • More Punishment, poem by Jennifer Moore (190)
  • Sith College Courses by Sheryl Haven (191)
  • Solo's Side of the Story, poem by Susan Zahn (192)
  • Cartoon by A.G. Steyn (193)
  • The Last, Best Duty by Cheryl Pryor (194)
  • Cartoon by Z.P. Florian (201)
  • Consequences, Archived version by M.J. Mink (After Bespin, Luke and Vader meet again. STAR aWARdS Honorable Mention for Medium Story, 1997) (202)
  • Zero Hour, Zero Sun, poem by Veronica Wilson (221)
  • Night Out by Amanda Palumbo (223)
  • Bathrooms of the Galaxy by Z.P. Florian (231)
  • Patience is a Virtue by Deborah Kittle (Han must get his spacer's license renewed. If you've ever renewed your driver's license, you'll love this!) (STAR aWARdS Medium story - honorable mention) (232)
  • The Dead Bothan's Excellent Adventure at the Lanham Con with David "Darth Vader" Prowse by Nancy Stasulis (a series of cartoons about fans meeting the actor at a con) (246)
  • The Secret by Cara J. Loup (won the 1998 FanQ Award For 'Best Star Wars Gen Story') (249)
  • Cartoon by A.G. Steyn (287)
  • Proposals by Marti Schuller (Leia has two contestants for her hand in marriage. The contestants must run a series of tests to prove their worthiness.) (288)
  • Star Wars, filk to the tune of "All I Want (Is A Life)" by Tim McGraw, by Deborah Kittle ("Dedicated to Star Wars collectors everywhere." (311)

Issue 4

issue #4, Gerald Crotty
back cover of issue #4, Marla Fair
flyer for issue #4, printed in Bright Center of the Universe #8

I Don't Care What You Smell 4 was published in May 1998 and has 256 pages. Cover by Gerald Crotty (Star aWards Best Cover) and a back cover by Marla Fair. Other art Z.P. Florian, Wanda Lybarger, Markalova, Nancy Stasulis, Bert-Olaf Lundin, and A.G. Steyn.

It won the 1999 FanQ Award for 'Best Star Wars Zine.'

  • Odor Eaters, letters of comment (1)
  • Tall, Dark Stranger by Marti Schuller (4)
  • Orpheus Dissenting by Marti Benedict-O'Brien (5) (won the 1999 FanQ Award For 'Best Star Wars Gen Story')
  • Just One of Those Days by A.G. Steyn (9)
  • My Favorite Things by Kristen Brown (21)
  • Anakin's Grave by Belea T. Keeney (22)
  • Insider Information by Judy Ebberly (Leia and Han help Major Val-Dorn retrieve some very interesting information.) (26)
  • Crumb by Rhydderch Wilson (38)
  • The Bothan Jamboree by Susan Zahn (45)
  • Dead in Space by Marti Schuller (STAR aWARdS Short Story - Honorable Mention) (46)
  • Happy Birthday to You, Lord Vadar by Mary Jo Fox (54)
  • SW Goes Country by A.G. Steyn (57)
  • Special Modifications by Z.P. Florian (61)
  • GVC Guide by Smelly Staff (a spoof of QVC) (62)
  • Marooned; also at here by M.J. Mink (Stranded on a hostile planet, Luke finds an unexpected savior.) (66)
  • Keeping Up Appearances by Alison Glover (In which Han's cover-up of Luke's identity is somewhat misinterpreted by a contact, and somewhat taken advantage of by his co-pilot.) (74
  • Two Coat Tale by Z.P. Florian (80)
  • Cartoon by A.G. Steyn (86)
  • Han, I Think I Love You by Deborah Kittle (87)
  • Distractions by Kristin Brown 88)
  • He Shoulda Blasted Faster by Deborah Kittle (93)
  • Blink of an Eye by Cara Loup (During the battle with the Death Star over Yavin, Han considers his past and future.) (94)
  • The Outlaw Trail by A.G. Steyn (99)
  • Connections by Marie Flanigan (100)
  • Wedge's Theme by Mary Jo Fox (105)
  • Just Like Old Times by Z.P. Florian (108)
  • The Warlord by Marti Schuller (A simple charter could lose Han the Falcon unless he can make a deal.) (115)
  • A Wookie's Wrath by Deborah Kittle (STAR aWARdS Best Short Story) (132)
  • Vader's Folly by J.A. Berger (During a raid on a planet, Darth Vader encounters a strange enemy.) (140)
  • The Outlaw Trail by A.G. Steyn (168)
  • SW Extra Special Edition by Rhyderrch Wilson (169)
  • Choosing Sides by Sheryl Haven (170)
  • Criminal by Mary Jo Fox (173)
  • Die Solo by Carolyn Golledge (174)
  • The Outlaw Trail by A.G. Steyn (203)
  • Through the Looking Glass by Veronica Wilson and Company (writers spoof their own writing style) (204)
  • I'm Beginning to See the Light by Kristin Brown (217)
  • Feeding Frenzy by A.G. Steyn (218)
  • The Song of a Portside Merchant by Z.P. Florian (223)
  • The Lady by Nadye Markalova (224)
  • Entomology by Smelly Staff (225)
  • Running Out of Reasons to Run by Deborah Kittle (227)
  • The Lonely Heart by Marti Schuller (228)
  • Smuggler's Life by Z.P. Florian (256)
  • Orpheus Rising by Martie Benedict O'Brien (Han in Hell.)
  • A Day in the Life by Martha Wilson Posted (Han has one of those days.)

Issue 5

front cover of issue #5, A.G. Steyn
back cover of issue #5, Matt Busch
table of contents ad from The Rest of the Garbage, click to read

I Don't Care What You Smell 5 was published in May 1999 and has 298 pages. Color covers by A.G. Steyn (front) and Matt Busch (back). Other art by Jeremy Little and Tina Bentrup. Winner of both the FanQ and Star aWards for best SW zine.

This issue contains an entire section of stories where the illo was drawn first and then sent to an author to write a story about the illo. The illos are by Zyene, Stasulis, Z.P. Florian, Wanda Lybarger, Wilson, and Steyn. The stories are by Pryor, Golledge, O'Brien, J.A. Berger, Cohen, Florian, Schuller, Glover, Kittle and Loup.

  • Odor Eaters, letters of comment (1)
  • Galaxy of Desire by Mary Jo Fox ("Excerpts of two upcoming books -- torrid tales of explosive heat and passion in a galaxy far, far away.") (STAR aWARdS Honorable Mention story) (3)
  • The Mizer by Marti Schuller ("After a close encounter with a mad genius scientist's machine, Han faces the biggest little challenge of his life.") (STAR aWARdS Honorable Mention Story) (8)
  • I Love Luke, Episode 3 by J.P. Treleaven ("Luke helps some local wine growers.") (26)
  • Elegy by Marla F. Fair (34)
  • Movie Bibliographies by Z.P. Florian & Judith Yuenger (37)
  • Millennium Falcon by Deborah Kittle (38) (won the 2000 FanQ Award for 'Best Star Wars Poem.')
  • The P.C. Empire Strikes Back by M.J. Mink ("Vader receives counseling.") (39)
  • Home in the Sky by Martie Benedict O'Brian (41)
  • The Reb Festival by Deborah Kittle ("Han, Luke, Chewie, and Lando impersonate a Corellian folk bank in all their glory in order to pick up on a New Republic operative.") (42)
  • Battle Weary by Jamie C. Cohen (54)
  • Rebel Bedtime Stories by A.G. Steyn (68)
  • You've Got to Talk to Me by Deborah Kittle (69)
  • A Day in the Life by Martha Wilson (While in a Rebel's cruiser's medical bay having a (ahem) little problem taken care of, Han plays a truly evil joke on a captured imperial officer.) (70)
  • Jedi's Are Hard to Kill by Rhydderch Wilson (75)
  • At What Cost? by Augusta Downey-Hovey (86)
  • Message in the R2 by Jim Alvesteffer (124)
  • Defeat by Marti Schuller (126)
  • Rebel Bedtime Stories by A.G. Steyn (129)
  • Tremors in the Force by Martie Benedict O'Brien 130 (Set during Return of the Jedi, after dispatching Jabba at the Sarlaac pit, Luke and company get set to make a speedy getaway. Now all they have to do is remember where they parked Val and Earl's pickup truck.") ( won the 2000 FanQ Award for 'Best Star Wars Gen Story)
  • Imperial Bedtime Stories by A.G. Steyn (133)
  • Friendly Persuasion by Judy Ebberly (134)
  • A Prologue (or is this an epilogue?) by Mary Jo Fox (143)
  • Crossword Puzzle by Tina Bentrup (144)
  • You Charged Out by Deborah Kittle (145)
  • The Blonde in the Bar by Rebecca S. Wolking (147)
  • You Know You're a SW Fan if...by Denise Roper (149)
  • Every Jedi Has His Day by Kim Hamilton ("No one likes to be sued, least of all a hero of the Rebellion. When the lawsuit threatens to expose his hidden past, Luke has to rise to the challenge with everything in his power.") (150)
  • Collector's Lament by Mary Jo Fox (153)
  • There is Such a Thing as Luck by Z.P.Florian (154)
  • Suns-Set by Alison Glover (Set during Star Wars: A New Hope. Owen's thoughts about Luke's future. "The evening before Luke leaves Tatoonine, Owen Lars, knowing that he won't be able to keep his nephew safe much longer, reminisces about Luke's childhood, the events surrounding Luke being given into his care, and realizes that the time has come for an old promise to be honored.") (166) (archived link)
  • Rebel Bedtime Stories by A.G. Steyn (170)
  • King of Plain by Jim Alvesteffer (171)
  • Home by Marti Schuller (172)
  • Coach by Marti Benedict O'Brian (180)
  • Form to Fit the Throne by Selinthia Avenshesca (181)
  • He's My Father by M.J. Mink (183)
  • Imperial Bedtime Stories by A.G. Steyn (184)
  • Hickory Dickory Dock by J.A. Berger (187)
  • Rebel Bedtime Stories by A.G. Steyn (201)
  • Aftermath by Cheryl Pryor (202)
  • Precious Possessions by Cara J. Loup (Luke and Lando prepare to rescue Han from carbonite.) (207)
  • A Case of Conscience by Marti O'Brian (224)
  • Myths and Legends by Marti Schuller (231)
  • Moving Target by Z.P. Florian (237)
  • Play Time by Deborah Kittle (244)
  • Observations by Alison Glover (An interested bystander observes Han, Luke and Leia during an event at an embassy.) (250)
  • Imperial Bedtime Stories by A.G. Steyn (266)
  • In it for the Money by Carolyn Golledge (267)
  • SW Character Desserts by Smelly Staff (294)
  • Puzzle Answers by Tina Bentrup (295)
  • Imperial Bedtime Stories by A.G. Steyn (295)

Issue 6

front cover issue #6, Sandra Scholes
interior illo issue #6 by Sith Witch, story: Amnesia by Valerie Vancollie

I Don't Care What You Smell 6 was published in May 2000 and has 306 pages. A color cover by Sandra Scholes. It includes a special foldout -a map of 'Alderland - a Galactic Amusement Park'. Art by Z.P. Florian, Nancy Stasulis, Sandra Scholes, Melanie Lepine, Rhydderch Wilson and Zyene. This issue does not have any art on the back cover.

It won the 2000 Star aWards "BEST 2000 SW ZINE OVER 200 PAGES" award.

  • Cartoon by by Sandra Scholes (6)
  • Why Things Are by by N. A. Stasulis (7)
  • A Christmas Carol by by A.G. Steyn (9)
  • Too Hot for T.V. by Mary Jo Fox (10)
  • Tomorrow by Deborah Kittle (13)
  • Fatal Error by Marti Schuller (14)
  • If SW Characters Were Dogs by Smelly Staff (21)
  • Saeaenz by Kate Birkel (part four of The Chivalry Series) (22)
  • Boom Da Gasser by Amy S. Farmer (41)
  • Lessons by Deborah Kittle & J.P. Treleaven (42)
  • Puphph the Jedi Wampa by Deborah Kittle (51)
  • Episode 2 Screenplay by Z.P. Florian (52)
  • Amnesia by Valerie Vancolli (58)
  • Haiku by Jennifer Moore (107)
  • Tunnel Vision by Judy Ebberley (108)
  • Measurements of the Soul by Selinthia Avenchesca (117)
  • Jedi Fighting by Mary Jo Fox (139)
  • I Know What You Did Last Varnsday! by A.G. Steyn (140)
  • Winner Takes All by N.A. Stasulis (145)
  • Ladies Love Outlaws by A.G. Steyn (162)
  • Of Truth and Dreams by Marti Schuller (163)
  • Cartoon by Z.P. Florian (165)
  • Coming Home by Kate Birkel (166)
  • More Han Than You Can Imagine by Z.P. Florian (176)
  • Why Can't You Get a Girl? by A.G. Steyn (186)
  • The Rogues by Amy S. Farmer (187)
  • Hiding Leaves by N.A. Stasulis (189)
  • That Kiss by Deborah Kittle (203)
  • The Skywalker-Solo Family Tree by Valerie Vancolli (205)
  • Imgine by Jamie C. Cohen (206)
  • Nightmare on Namoria by Marti Schuller (222)
  • Livin' for the Rebellion by Deborah Kittle (245)
  • The Wager by Cindy Olsen (It was only a wager -- a child's game between lovers. Yet Han and Leia stood to lose more than either of them had bargained for. Received a 2000 Star aWards Honorable Mention for Best Long Story.) (246)
  • Homecoming by Alison Glover (A Phantom Menace story. Obi-wan deals with the aftermath of Qui-Gon's death.)
  • In it For the Money by Carolyn Golledge. Art by Kate McCredie. (Pre A New Hope. A young Han Solo as a disagreement with Chewbacca about selling weapons to support a vicious war. Also in Never Say Die)

Issue 7

I Don't Care What You Smell 7 was published in May 2002 and is 203 pages. The art is by Kate (front cover), Judith Street (inside front cover) and Zawiah Zainudin (back cover).

front cover of issue #7, Kate
back cover of issue #7, Zawiah
flyer for issue #7, printed in Bloodstripe #2
  • Cartoon by Sandra Scholes (3)
  • Master and Apprentice by Deborah Kittle & Marie Treleaven ("Trade route attacks have Leia asking for help from her brother. The Jedi Master and some of his students arrive and do things get heated!") (4)
  • Puphph the Jedi Wampa by Deborah Kittle (17)
  • Servant of the Force by Kate Birkel (18)
  • Viva Mos Espa by Mary Jo Fox (23)
  • Invisible Friends by Danielle Millerd (24)
  • Taking the Long Way 'Round by Allison Glover ("Wedge Antilles takes a break from the incessant repairs and maintenance work at Echo Base to visit Luke in sickbay and explains Han's remark about the Gundark ears. Luke wants to tell Wedge why he needs to leave the squadron and go to Dagobah, only both the Rebel medical staff and the Imperials are doing their best to prevent him.") (30)
  • On a Short Note by A.G. Steyn (37)
  • Jabba Gets His Pipe Back by Z.P. Florian ("Don't we know that Han would even go into the belly of the Sarlacc for a friend? In this story he does just that.") (38
  • Return to Fear by Belea T. Keeney (52)
  • Under the Skin by Lelila (58)
  • You're a Legend in Your Own Mind by Deborah Kittle (67)
  • Master of Seduction by Mary Jo Fox (68)
  • Lost in the Stars by Ana Onamouse (71)
  • Into Shadows by Skye Rutherford (This story is based upon the events that occurred in Vector Prime by R.A. Salvatore and were later vaguely mentioned in Dark Tide 1 and II. Grief, guilt, anger and shame all combine to provide the most harrowing experience of Han Solo’s life. His only anchor against the demons of the nightmare on Sernpidal, is his family… and even they seem inadequate to provide the foundation he needs to remain above it all. "Weeks after the tragic death of Chewbacca, Han Solo struggles with the loss of his friend Consumed by grief, even the love of his family cannot vanquish the inner demons that drive Han further into a wasteland o f guilt and shame.") (73)
  • White Room by Debra Durkee ("In a prophecy that shadows Leia's latent Jedi abilities, she sees on possible future that awaits them beneath the facade of safety and friendship on Cloud City.") (78)
  • Revisions, Archived version Fanfic Author (86)
  • Too Long by A.G. Steyn (89)
  • Royal Makeup vs. Padawan Hairstyle by Valerie Vancollie (90)
  • The Formal Complaint of Tchupka by Z.P. Florian (93)
  • Loyalties by Marti Schuller (won the 2002 FanQ Award for Best Star Wars gen story) ("The security firm formed by Han, Chewbacca, and Lando after the fell of the Empire is facing financial ruin until one client appears who could change everything - Against his better judgment, Solo accepts the job, but things soon go from bad to worse and one of the partners will pay the price.") (94)
  • Poverty, Deliverance and Fate by Valerie Vancollie (119)
  • Lifestyles by Smelly Staff (120)
  • Swinging on a Star by A.G. Steyn (138)
  • Torn Between Two Lovers by Mary Jo Fox ("A sequel to Too Hot For T.V. Stephanie suffers the agony and heartbreak of having two Star Wars hunks fight over her.") (139)
  • Palace of Jabba by Deborah Kittle 141)
  • Exposed by Judy Ebberley ("Corellians are supposed to be incapable of being embarrassed - at least Han always thought that was the case until he crossed swords with Leia Organa one time too many.") (143)
  • The Meaning Behind the Names by Valerie Vancollies (153)
  • Might I Have a Word With You? by A.G. Steyn (155)
  • There Can be Only by R.A. Sneed (157)
  • I Feel Evil by R.A. Sneed (159)
  • Pilgrimage to the Trees by Z.P. Florian (160)
  • Voyage Home by Skye Rutherford (Based upon the events in Balance Point by Kathy Tyers, the Millennium Falcon speeds toward Coruscant after the evacuation of Duro. On board Han, the twins and C-3PO wonder whether a seriously injured Leia will survive the journey.) (166)
  • A Young Han Solo by Judith Street (172)
  • Pregnant Pause by Lelila (173)
  • One Day at a Time by Cindy Olsen (Sequel to The Wager. Five months have passed since the separation of the princess of Alderaan and the Corellian smuggler, torn apart by the New Republic's constant demands on Leia and the disdain it held towards their relationship. Ill, depressed and alone, Leia wonders why Han has suddenly returned to Coruscant. To rescue her again?) (175)
  • Lan Can Cook by Irene Heron

Issue 8

cover #8

I Don't Care What You Smell #8 was published in May 2002 and contains 175 pages.

  • Time to Forgive by Margaret Westphal (In nearly every post-ROTJ story, Han and Leia live in marital bliss. Let's suppose that wasnít the case. The following A.U. story looks at things in a different light.)
  • Waking Up by Cindy Olsen (Part 1 in the Committed trilogy. After being rescued from Jabba the Hutt, Han Solo struggles with the after-effects of hibernation sickness and realises he still has some waking up to do. The story continues in Committed.)
  • other unknown content

Issue 9

front cover #9, Laura Quilles
back cover of issue #9, Liz

I Don't Care What You Smell 9 was published in May 2003 and has 185 pages.

  • Jabba's Wall by Deborah Kittle (1)
  • Sweet Nothing by Marti Schuller (2)
  • The Falcon by Angel (15)
  • Bridge Out by Deborah Kittle & J.P. Treleaven (16)
  • Hot and Bothered byCindy Olsen 32)
  • Don't Cry, Little Princess by Valerie Vancollie (39)
  • With Friends Like These by Danielle Millerd (40)
  • Hot Dagobah Nights by Lady S.M. Pfeisteria (49)
  • Why Ain't I Gone? by Deborah Kittle (51)
  • Darth Paco by D.L. Slaten (52)
  • Complications on Itrurua by J.P. Treleaven (58)
  • Twins by Marti Schuller (74)
  • Bloodstripe by Skye Rutherford (102)
  • A Cold Day in Hell by Judith Ebberley (106)
  • The Meaning Behind the Names by Valerie Vancollie (119)
  • Ghost on This Base by Deborah Kittle (121)
  • As Strangers Friends are Met by J.P. Treleaven (122)
  • The Hop by Angel (137)
  • The Imperial Joke by Leela Starsky (138)
  • A Brief Time to Talk by Mary Jo Fox (159)
  • One Magic Night by Marti Schuller (160)
  • Darth Vader by Nancy Stasulis (185)
  • Artwork by Laura Quilles (front cover) and Liz (back cover)

Issue 10

cover #10, Nancy Stasulis?

I Don't Care What You Smell 10 was published in May 2005 and has 244 pages.

Issue 11

cover #11, Marla Fair

I Don't Care What You Smell 11 was published in 2006 and has 283 pages. It has a front cover by Marla Fair. Art by A. G. Steyn, Nadya Whitham, Laura Quiles, Naveega, Marla Fair, Steph Swanger, Amanda Hitchcock and Zawiah Zainudin.

  • Exchanging Places by Mary Sue
  • My Best Friends by Deborah Kittle
  • Truth or Dare by Valerie Vancollie
  • GI:CS:Endor by Deborah Kittle and J. P. Treleaven
  • Birthday Celebration by Mary Jo Fox
  • Vader Vista by M. J. Mink
  • Remnant Evil by Barbara Gardner
  • Magician's Assistant by Mary Sue
  • Scent of a Wookiee by D.L. Slaten
  • A Conversation Over Drinks by Mary Jo Fox
  • Stand by Deborah Kittle
  • Letters from the Dark Side by Marla Fair
  • The Jedi in Me by Deborah Kittle
  • Endless Night by Mary Sue
  • Blind Ambitions by Mary Sue


  1. ^ from a letter of comment in "I Don't Care What You Smell" #1
  2. ^ from a letter of comment in "I Don't Care What You Smell" #1
  3. ^ from a letter of comment in "I Don't Care What You Smell" #1
  4. ^ from a letter of comment in "I Don't Care What You Smell" #1
  5. ^ from a letter of comment in "I Don't Care What You Smell" #1
  6. ^ from a letter of comment in "I Don't Care What You Smell" #1
  7. ^ from a letter of comment in "I Don't Care What You Smell" #1
  8. ^ from a letter of comment in "I Don't Care What You Smell" #1
  9. ^ from a letter of comment in "I Don't Care What You Smell" #1
  10. ^ See "Penthesilean" in Night of the Twin Moons for an similar early Star Trek: TOS fic.
  11. ^ from a letter of comment in "I Don't Care What You Smell" #3
  12. ^ from a letter of comment in "I Don't Care What You Smell" #3
  13. ^ from a letter of comment in "I Don't Care What You Smell" #3
  14. ^ from a letter of comment in "I Don't Care What You Smell" #3
  15. ^ from a letter of comment in "I Don't Care What You Smell" #3
  16. ^ from a letter of comment in "I Don't Care What You Smell" #3
  17. ^ from a letter of comment in "I Don't Care What You Smell" #3
  18. ^ from a letter of comment in "I Don't Care What You Smell" #3
  19. ^ from a letter of comment in "I Don't Care What You Smell" #3