I Don't Care What You Smell

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Title: I Don't Care What You Smell
Publisher: Judy Yuenger and Marti Schuller
Editor(s): Proboscis Press
Date(s): 1995-2003
Medium: print
Genre: gen
Fandom: Star Wars
Language: English
External Links: Publisher website, Archived version, some of the table of content info is from the agent
Click here for related articles on Fanlore.

I Don't Care What You Smell is a gen Star Wars zine of fiction, art, poems, filks, and more. The emphasis was on humor.

The zine ran for eleven issues.

In 2005, Nancy Stasulis portrayed the zine editors Marti Schuller (with the glasses) and Judith Yuenger (with the pitchfork) in an art imitation of American Gothic on the back cover of issue #10.

Issue 1

I Don't Care What You Smell 1 was published in May 1995 and contains 242 pages.

It won the the 1996 FanQ Award for 'Best Star Wars Zine.'

front cover of issue #1, artist is Z.P. Florian. From the zine: "SMELL YE! SMELL YE! Announcing the introductory contest of I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SMELL! That's right! As a reward for all you brave souls who purchased this premiere issue, we are proclaiming a — drumroll, please — contest! The first (earliest postmark to be the deciding factor) reader to CORRECTLY identify each and every olfactory organ and/or device so cleverly depicted on the front cover by that astonishing artist Z.P. Florian will win (taxes not included) an absolutely free, 100% gratis copy of issue #2 of I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SMELL! So, grab your thinking caps, don't get your noses out of joint, and have at it. Let the games begin. Good luck and may the Force be with you! Oh yes, if you get really stumped, the artist suggests you try thumping the offending nose. The resultant cry should provide you with a helpful additional clue. Send replies by mail only (No e-mail responses, please. We must be fair to the technologically disadvantaged) to Judith Yuenger."
back cover of issue #1, A.G. Steyn
  • Peace, poem by Marti Schuller (1)
  • cartoon by A.G. Steyn (2)
  • Rancor Delivery, story by Z.P. Florian ("If you've ever wondered who delivered the Rancor of Jabba the Hutt to Tatooine, this is the story for you. Of course it was Han Solo, who else?") (3)
  • . Mary Sue and the Bandit, story by Robin White (reprinted from Xenozine #1) (19)
  • Corellian Bedtime Prayer by A.G. Steyn (24)
  • Adventures in Babysiting, story by J.P. Treleaven (25)
  • Lost Forever, poem by Sheryl Haven (30)
  • Entertainment, story by Marti Schuller (includes Batman, Catwoman, and Q) (31)
  • Once Upon a Forest Moon, story by A.G. Steyn (45)
  • O Bothans! My Bothans!, poem by Liz S. (59)
  • Reversal of Fortune, story by Mary Jo Fox (60)
  • Dumb SW Joke #1 by Chandra Morgan-Henley (61)
  • Cartoon by Wanda Lybarger (62)
  • "Corellian Tech" Courses by Sheryl Haven (63)
  • The Saga of D.S. Nine, story by Deborah Kittle (crossover with Star Trek: Deep Space Nine) (64)
  • Ballad of the Bankrupt Fan, filk by Jacqueline Taero (76)
  • Weight Wars, story by Cheree Cargill (77)
  • This Issue's Bad Joke, poem by Jennifer Moore (82)
  • Carrie, story by Amanda Palumbo (RPF) (83)
  • The Art of Jedi; also at here, story by M.J. Mink ("Luke makes an infomercial to help the Alliance.") (It was a STAR aWARdS Honorable Mention for Best Short Story in 1995.) (93)
  • Corellian Table Grace by A.G. Steyn (97)
  • Junk Mail from the Princess, also here by Pat Nussman ("A just-for-fun letter in direct mail style." (reprinted from Landspeeder) (98)
  • Art Portfolio (99)
  • The Corellian Gypsy Song, filk by Maggie Nowakowska (106)
  • Cartoon by Nimish Vyas (108)
  • Desperation, story by Nora Meyers (109)
  • Cartoon by Gerald Crotty (112)
  • A.W.O.L., story by Judy Ebberley (113)
  • Cartoon by Nimish Vyas (141)
  • Princess Leia, Queen of Denial, filk by Deborah Kittle (142)
  • I Love Luke, story by J.P. Treleaven (a fusion of Star Wars and I Love Lucy) (143)
  • Master Ben, filk to the tune of "Mr. Ed", by M.J. Mink (149)
  • Tied Together, story by Veronica Wilson (150)
  • Prognosis, joke by Sheryl Haven (151)
  • Promises, Promises, poem by Jacqueline Taero (152)
  • New Game, New Luck, story by A.G. Steyn (153)
  • Hidden Talents, story by Susan Zahn (169)
  • Always in Motion is the Future, poem by Tammy Olsen (170)
  • Cartoon, "How to Trash Your Fave Corellian," by A.G. Steyn (172)
  • Wedding Day Bruise, story by Carolyn Golldege (173)
  • Dumb Star Wars Joke #2 by Chandra Morgan-Henley (187)
  • Cartoon by Nimish Vyas (188)
  • Festa Fiasco, story by Marti Schuller (189)
  • On the Beach, poem by Sheryl Haven (214)
  • I Wanna Be a Jedi, filk to the tune of "I Wanna Be a Cowboy" by Toby Keith, by Deborah Kittle (215)
  • Father and Son by Cheryl Kiser (216)
"Ballad of the Bankrupt Fan," filk to the tune of "Sixteen Tons" by T.E. Ford, written by Jacqueline Taero:
You go into fandom
And what do you get?
A little more crazy
And deeper in debt.
Oh, Lord, it's been fun
But it sure wasn't free:
I owe my soul to AT&T.
It all seems so harmless;
Those tapes look so nice.
Then some books to go with them
And before you think twice
You've called up your friends
For an hour or three....
And you owe your soul to AT&T.
Got a whole stack of zines.
Got posters and stills.
Been to so many cons,
The thought makes me ill.
And the touch-tone phone
Has proved fatal to me:
I owe my soul to AT&T.
Some said to try Sprint,
Some said MCI;
So I tried 'em all
And the bills made me cry.
I'll have them paid off by 2003:
Alexander Graham Bell,
Have mercy on me!
You go into fandom
And what do you get?
A little more crazy
And deeper in debt.
Oh, Lord, it's been fun
But it sure wasn't free:
I owe my soul to AT&T.

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 1

Congratulations on a wonderful first issue! The cover, as usual with Z.P.'s work, was wonderful and the contest was a great idea. Very hard and I'm happy for whoever wins. I had no clue who some of those noses belonged to! I couldn't believe how many pages were in this first issue. It was wonderful!

If I commented on everything the issue contained, you would shoot me because of the length, so I'm just comment on the more memorable things. And it's very hard because everything was so good!

The toon on page 2 was great. I love A.G.'s toons. They always add humor to any zine.

J.P.'s "Adventures In Babysitting" was a hoot. I almost died laughing when Anakin said, "I hate Uncle Luke!"

And A.G.'s story "Once Upon A Forest Moon" was great too. The Ewok playing with Luke's pants and then the other Ewok wanting to be his girlfriend were great laughs. As well as the camaraderie displayed by all the characters for each other.

Jacqueline's "Ballad Of The Bankrupt Fan,." Boy, do you know how close you are? Very true to life.

"Weight Wars", Cheree that was a wonderful laugh. "The Art Of Jedi", MJ. That was hilarious! And J.P.'s "I Love Luke"! God, I love that illo at the end of the story. You two have a great sense of humor.

"I Wanna Be A Jedi", by Debbie Kittle and M.J.'s "Master Ben, were great too.

I know I missed a lot, but there is no way I can comment on everything in the zine. It was all good and I hope you all continue to contribute to this zine.

Judy, I love the idea of a comedy zine and you did a marvelous job with it. I especially love the layout. The frames around the poems and jokes, while on the same page as story text, were great and we're going to have to try that for Only Hope. Hey, if I'm gonna steal something, I might as well do it from the best. And 'Smelly' is definitely up there with the best. And with a first issue too. Congrats! I'm looking forward to the next issue.

May The Force Be With You All.[1]

I think "I Don't Care What You Smell!" is just the absolutely best I've ever and you are the best editors around. Thank you very much for publishing my first poems and articles. Seriously, I love the back cover cartoon, "Adventures in Babysitting", "Entertainment", "Weight Wars" and "Wedding Day Bruise". I liked almost everything else as well but did have some reservations about "Lost Forever" and "On The Beach". Since they are in this zine, I guess they are okay.

The zine itself is well put together and very readable (visually as well as content wise). All of the illustrations are clear and balanced light to dark (pun intended).

I found the most appropriate item to be "Ballad of the Bankrupt Fan" since it describes me so well. [2]

"Smelly" seems to be the zine everybody needed - quality fun and entertainment, just the right dessert for the finicky palate of the SW zine readers. Great stories, great illos: Stasulis, espedally pg.47 and 194, Grotty, and Swindle on page 216. Marvelous color cartoon by Steyn on the back cover! Next time, put one of those on the front.

Loved Taero's "Bankrupt Fan", Mink's "Master Ben", Nowakowska's "Gypsy". Mink's "Art of the Jedi" was subtle, hilarious and masterfully written.

Fox's "Reversal of Fortune" — can I have second helpings of these?

Morgan-Henley — Obi Quiet Kenobi was a riot.

Treleaven's "I Love Luke " had me rolling on the floor. Now that's a girl for Luke!

Steyn's "Forest Moon" was great, "New Game " was a good Luke POV.

Robin's White's "Mary Sue" and Nussman's "It Could Happen" proved that reprints are a very good thing.

Marti Schuller's "Entertainment" and "Festa Fiasco" were a pleasure, loved the surprise ending

Kittle: DS9 aossover — I laughed so hard, I frightened my dog. If you write like this when you are sober, I'd like to see something you'd write after some spice brandy!

Palumbo's "Carrie" was refreshingly unique.

Ebberley's "A.W.O.L." was great entertainment all the way.

Golledge's "Bruise" (what else?) was thoroughly funny and warm.

Cheryl Kiser "Father and Son" — a very, very excellent story, most satisfying. I hope there will be more about the same people, would like to know them better, their family connections, marriages, the Force-using bloodline and all. [3]

Many thanks for sending I Don't Care What You Smell!' so promptly - you set an all - time record in zine response time! And it's great that you're planning another issue because I certainly loved this one; it was a delightful foil to the darker stories fandom produces. (Not that some of them aren't delightful, too, but who's always in the mood for existential dilemmas, death and despair?)

These are a few of my favorite bits from the zine:

That mischievous line "Like something the golledge dragged in" from Z. P. Florian's imaginatively detailed "Rancor Delivery". (She really ought to be writing professionally.)

Robin White's treatise on the polemical between the real and the ideal (okay, okay, so this one made me think about whether or not you would often recognize one of Our Heroes in a real life counterpart) in "Mary Sue And The Bandit".

Marti Schuller's, J.P. Treleaven's and Deborah Kittle's facile play between fantasy universes in "Entertainment"1 Love Luke " and "The Saga of D.S. Nine". And that was a good point Marti made in the poem "Peace". Surely the galaxy's big enough to hold both Luke and Hanfans!

And as for Mary Jo Fox, her "Reversal Of Fortune " was perfect!

Judy Ebberiey wrote Han's lines with a deft touch in "A.W.O.L ". It was very easy to imagine him talking in just that way.

And M.J. Mink's "Master Ben" was deliciously wicked!

Actually everything in the zine was competently written. So, does the prose come to you all polished like that or do you give writers lots of guidance? Whatever, it worked! Thanks for a delightful read. [4]

What can I say?? I was overwhelmed! 7 Don't Care What You Smell' is a hearty zine, and it's just the first issue. It's not really practical to comment on every single piece in here (or else that will be 250 pages in length itself), so I'll hit upon the highlights.

The best story was M.J. Mink's "The Art Of Jedi". What a riot! It was a surreal satire on every Skywalker cliche imaginable, and that infomercial was hysterical. Where have you been hiding before, Minky??

I'd have to say Debbie Kittie's "The Saga of D.S. Nine " was my second favorite. Most cross universe stories range from okay to yecch, but this was really well done! I had to laugh at how the Bothan race became extinct, and at the image of Kira wearing that huge, heavy earring. The great thing about it was that Debbie utilized characters that often get neglected in fen fiction. Thanks for the mention, Debbie.

Treleaven's "Adventures In Babysitting" had some humorous moments (I don't know whether to call you "J.P." or by your real name).

The combination of Skyalker anger, Corellian blood, and having Grandpa's name would make for a wild child indeed. The best part was when Anakin daydreamed about being "rich and famous and killing lots of people". He's an intergalactic Bart Simpson! A.G. Steyn had lots of wonderful material, but my favorite of hers was "Once Upon A Forest Moon". What great slapstick! I also enjoyed "Mary Sue And The Bandit", "Desperation", "Wedding Day Bruise", and "Father And Son", though some parts of it kind of went over my head.

I liked most of the poems and filks, my favorites being Liz S.'s "O Bothans! My Bothans!" (the offical poem of the Dead Bothan Society) and Marti Schuller's "Peace" - thank you for saying it! guys, the heroes were all a team - SW wouldn't be the same without any one of them.

As for the artwork, I liked Crotty's portraits and that one by Sandra Swindle was pretty good, too. Nancy Stasulis' illustrations were generally well done, but I must admit that one of Leia on page 206 made Her Royalness look awfully bony, like out of a Kathe Kollwitz piece. More meat on her next time!

Great debut, gals, looking forward to more. [5]

'Smelly' smelled....wonderful! I laughed all the way through. My favorite piece was "The Art Of " by M.J. Mink. I'll never be able to hear "satisfying clicking sounds" without laughing. This looks like the kind of story she wrote after reading one too many zines. Really late at night. During a long con.

Also enjoyed Debbie Kittle's "Saga of D.S. Nine". The scene between Kira and Mon Mothma was hysterical. What a wicked sense of humor.

Loved the illo for "I Love Luke". The story was wonderfully silly and Z.P. captured Marie Treleaven's silliness exactly. Where can I get some of that fruit?

"Festa Fiasco" by Marti Schuller was a lot of fun. What an evil twist to have Han fixed up by an animal doctor! Don't let Golledge & Co. hear about that. I shudder to think about that trend. I hope none of Han and Leia's travails were based on personal experience, Marti!

My favorite serious story was Cheryl Kiser's "Father And Son", though I'll admit it took me a while to get into. I wasn't sure if it was a role-play story that I'd missed the beginning of somewhere. But I stuck with it and ended up wanting to see more of Randoch Sarlind. Good idea to use the cave on Dagobah. The admiral was a great icy villain in the Thrawn/Tarkin vein, only more compelling because of his relationship with his son.

Loved both front and back covers. I admit that a few of the noses stumped me. I hope the cover for #2 is a smello-rama. A.G.'s back cover was priceless. Everyone has a lithe, sexy look.

Can't wait for more "Smelly"! [6]

WOW! You two did a wonderful job with 'Smelly'. I am overwhelmed by the whole thing and am unsure where to begin. First off, I will say I enjoyed everything in the beast. So well-written and so nicely done, I know I'll run out of words before I get finished.

Both covers are a riot. I adore A.G. Steyn's sense of humor and, regardless of what she says, she can draw! And the noses! I look forward to Z.P.'s next cover installment.

Marti Schuller's poem "Peace" is right on the money, well-written and I hope will help keep things running smoothly.

"Rancor Delivery" by Z. P. Florian was an absolute scream! When she gets Han and Xal together, nothing is ever trouble-free.

Co-ed Marti Schuller's two pieces, "Entertainment" and "Festa Fiasco" were wonderful. I love the way she put Q in the end of the fibrst story. She kq)t me guessing imtil the end. And then talk about disasters with "Fiasco". It would almost make me stay indoors the whole time.

AG. Steyn has a very unique and quirky sense of humor and she never failed to have me in stitches every time I read her stuff. Both "Once Upon A Forest Moon" and "New Game - New Luck" continue the tradition. In the latter story, she has some great interactions with Luke, Owen and Beru. I also enjoyed her cartoons (you did a great job with the stuff!).

Am glad to see that Liz S. sent in the Dead Bothan National Anthem. Well done, "O Bothan"!

Cheree Cargill's "Weight Wars" was perfect and oh, so true!

Someone made me read M.J. Mink's "Art of Jedi " at Media West this year (laughing for five full minutes or more non-stop made me wonder) and after reading the piece, now I know why. It was hilarious and a great spoof on infomercials. Her filk, "Master was great as well.

"Wedding Day Bruise" by my favorite trash 'em and smash 'em author, Carolyn Golledge, was another in a long line of tradition. Poor Jake. And poor Han that he had to cover it all up.

Jennifer's Moore's poetry is nice to read and I really enjoyed the zine's "Bad Joke". It went quite well with that AG. cartoon.

"I Love Luke" by J.P. Treleaven was a riot. I used to watch that show growing up and it had me laughing then as J.P.'s did now. A great match-up in fandom.

"Father And Son" by Cheryl Kiser (that illo for the story was incredible!) was a good Imperial story. I found the father's and Yoda's interaction nicely done.

The art portfolio and all the cartoons by some of my favorite artists was a delight to gaze upon.

I know I probably only touched on two-thirds of the contributors, but this LoC is getting rather large in itself. I do want to thank everyone who was in the zine because you gave me hours of endless joy. Also, thank you to Judy and Marti. A smash-up job. I'm glad I was there for the conception. It didn't hurt a bit! I am looking forward to 'Smelly 2'.[7]

I enjoyed "Adventures In Babysitting". I thought the comment about little Anakin feeling left out of things because the twins had each other, and he was relatively alone, was quite insightful!

Had a giggle over Han's description of an x-wing. 'Tincan' indeed! I think he was getting his own back for Luke's comments about the Falcon.

"Reversal Of Fortune" was very funny! What a turn around from the shy, easily flustered princess we're used to.

"Weight Wars" gave me a giggle, too. I guess Han's Corellian luck was with him again. Maybe he should put together an exercise video? Think of it, Han Solo in skin-tight spandex!!!

LOVED "This Issue's Bad Joke" especially the punchline. Very clever.

The "Corellian Gypsy Song" was great as was the accompanying illo.

"A.W.O.L. " was a favorite of mine and NOT just because the author happens to be a good friend of mine. I love Judy's character.

Major Val-Dom. She's one of the few people in fan fiction who can get the better of Han Solo. A feat in itself! Well done, Judy and keep on writing.

"I Love Luke " was hilarious. The illo of Luke dancing Carmen Miranda style (sort of) at the end (no pun intended) was a riot.

Carolyn's "Wedding Day Bruise" was another winner. Poor Jake! If he doesn't watch out, he'll beat Han's record for the most number of trashings received. The anti-grav boot idea was positively ingenious. Corellian inspiration for sure!

"Festa Fiasco" was excellent - though NOT for Han and Leia. Somehow, I'd imagined Han and Leia's honeymoon to have been more... um.... 'active' than this poor couple managed. The conclusion was a scream.

"Prognosis" had me laughing. If Leia needs any help with caring for Han, I'll be more than willing to see to Rule #5 for her. (All heart, ain't I??!!)

There was some great artwork in this zine. Z.P. Florian must have worked very hard and with very good results, too. I very much liked Gerald Crotty's work.

It was a thoroughly enjoyable zine all around. You and Marti should give yourselves a well-deserved back slap. [8]

The idea of a zine devoted to the lighter side of writing was an intriguing prospect and the results were certainly worth all your efforts. From front to back cover it was a joy to read. The illustrations and artwork added beautifully to the whole. The art portfolio was marvelous. The highlight being the wonderful back cover by AG. Steyn. Each of the characters was so well drawn and to get it in full color was a real bonus.

The filks, poems and cartoons completed the whole. They seem to say in a few words or a drawing things that take the less talented amongst us page after page to say!

The stories were a delight, favorites being Carolyn Golledge's "Wedding Day Bruise" and "Festa Fiasco" by Marti Schuller. Not that I didn't enjoy the others. I did. All of them. It is the differing perspectives to the characters and the variety in the storylines that makes for so much interest in this zine.

Finally, a word of thanks to you and Marti for all your help in getting my story fit to put into print and a special word of thanks to Carolyn Golledge and Nicola Pearce for giving me the support and courage to actually submit a piece of my writing.

Looking forward to 'Smelly #2[9]

Issue 2

front cover of issue #2, Z.P. Florian
back cover of issue #2, Nancy Stasulis
flyer for issue #2

I Don't Care What You Smell 2 was published in May 1996 and is 210 pages long.

The front cover is by Z.P. Florian and Nancy Stasulis created the back cover. The interior art is by Deborah Kittle, A.G. Steyn, Nadye Whitham, Wanda Lybarger, Nicola Pearce, Nancy Stasulis, Z.P. Florian, and Amanda Palumbo.

This issue has an insert, a separate fanwork called HoloGuide. It was a parody of TV Guide.

From the editorial:

Here is our second issue.... It all started at Media West (if we ever stop going to Media West, there won't be any ideas for this zine). On Master Yoda's (aka Z.P. Florian) door suddenly appeared some questions. Diligently Master Yoda answered them, hoping that would be the end of the messages. Alas, no, they kept reappearing. One of the editors of this zine (who shall, to protect her, remain anonymous) saw them and thought they were funny and should go into a comedy zine - namely, this one. So, Master Yoda's door appears in this zine. We want to blame - er - thank the unknown message writers and Master Yoda for his insightful answers.


We had decided not to solicit artwork for the zine with the exception of the fairytale section. We want to publicly thank Z.P. Florian and Nancy Stasulis (Smelly's art staff) for doing such an incredible job illustrating the fairytales. I think they had fun doing them because I got a note from Nancy stating, "it's not nice to try to kill off your illustrators by making them choke to death laughing!! I think this trying to kill me off early is so my art will become valuable post-mortem!"

Suddenly, artwork began to arrive. Nicola Pearce sent me a full page and a Russian penpal friend of Debbie Kittle's, Nadye Whitham sent quite a few of them. Then the cartoons started to arrive. Wanda Lybarger sent three (one is not really Star Wars but was so terrific, it had to be included), Z.P. Florian sent two, Nancy Stasulis sent one and AG. Steyn sent a whole passle of them. Our thanks and appreciation to all of them. We also want to thank ZP for her "cabbage patch" Yodas which we used as fillers - no two are alike!

Thanks to Z.P. Florian for our terrific front cover. By the way, not one person sent in guesses for the noses on the last cover. Were they that difficult?

At Christmas, I received a hand-drawn card from Nancy Stasulis. Since we had a 'Thanksgiving' back cover last issue, we thought it would be fun to have a 'Christmas' one this year and twisted (but not too hard) Nancy's arm to allow us to use it. What story do you suppose Lando is telling them?

This issue has a flyer for a parody zine that in itself is a parody: See Nyub Nyub!.

  • Odor Eaters, letters of comment (1)
  • Cartoon by A.G. Steyn (5)
  • Vacation by Deborah Kittle (Four fans have an interesting adventure at Planet Hollywood.) (6)
  • Cartoon by Wanda Lybarger (21)
  • Helmet: The Early Years, Archived version by L.D. Helmet as told to M.J. Mink (Luke's new helmet has a story to tell.) (22)
  • Solo's Deflating Come-Uppance by Carolyn Golledge (Post Star Wars: A New Hope: Han becomes the Chosen One to a tribe of women. The Rebels must win the support of a planet of Amazonian warrior women. Leia is assigned the task and she must have a sex slave accompany her or she will have no status on this woman’s world. Who will she choose? And what will Han do about it?) [10] (28)
  • Darth of the Sith Lords by Deborah Kittle (47)
  • Surprise! by Tammy Olsen (48)
  • Jedi Academy Courses by Sheryl Haven (51)
  • Cartoon by A.G. Steyn (53)
  • Twins by Marti Schuller (Luke and Leia investigating an alien temple. Something very strange occurs.) (From the zine: "As sometimes happens, two writers — each unaware of the other's creative activity — develop a similar idea at nearly the same instant. Each goes forward, writing their stories, oblivious to the parallel. Such an incident occurred with the story you have just finished reading. J.P. Treleaven's "Complications on Itrurua" published in TREMOR IN THE FORCE #7 and my "Twins" share a basic premise, though each story is certainly uniquely its author's. J. P. and I found this parallel amusing and remain confident that neither story detracts from the other. We hope you agree." Both stories were printed in I Don't Care What You Smell #9 in 1996.) (54)
  • Cartoon by Wanda Lybarger (81)
  • Last Laugh by Amanda Palumbo (82)
  • Galactic Cookbook by Master Chef Yoda (83)
  • Cartoon by Amanda Palumbo (83)
  • Galatically Correct Bedtime Stories by Anonymous (A special section of fairytale take-offs by Kittle, Mink, Florian, Fox, Schuller, Haven, Treleaven and Pryor.) (86)
    • I'm a Darkside Sith Lord by Deborah Kittle (87)
    • Luki: Prince of the Forest by M.J. Mink (88)
    • Little Black Jedi Hood by Z.P. Florian (94)
    • Sleeping Solo by Mary Jo Fox (95)
    • Three Jedi Knights Bluff by Marti Schuller (97)
    • Three Little Jedi by Sheryl Haven (99)
    • Luke and the Deathstalk by Deborah Kittle (100)
    • Beauty and the Sith by Cheryl Pryor (Includes a bit of RPF with Michael Eisenberg...) (105)
    • Rapunzeleia by J.P. Treleaven (112)
  • Cartoon by A.G. Steyn (115)
  • Cartoon by Nimish Vyas (116)
  • Hello Daala by Deborah Kittle (117)
  • Cartoon by Z.P. Florian (119)
  • Mary Sue and the Bandit: Part 2 by Robin White (reprinted from Xenozine #3) (120)
  • The Decision by Mary Jo Fox (125)
  • I Was Blown Away by Deborah Kittle (127)
  • Cartoon by Nancy Stasulis (128)
  • Ultimatum by Marti Schuller (129)
  • Cartoon by A.G. Steyn (131)
  • Surprise Surprise by A.G. Steyn (132)
  • Discrimination by Z.P. Florian (145)
  • Cross-Eyed Universe by Jennifer Moore (146)
  • Cartoon by A.G. Steyn (147)
  • Password by M.J Mink (148)
  • Cartoon by A.G. Steyn (153)
  • Like Father, Like Son by Judy Ebberly (154)
  • Cartoon by Z.P. Florian (169)
  • Yoda's Door by The Media West fen (170)
  • You Ain't Much Fun by Deborah Kittle (171)
  • The Time of the Hunter's Moon by Veronica Wilson (Is Vader cracking up?)(172)
  • Cartoon by A.G. Steyn (182)
  • Cartoon by Nimish Vyas (183)
  • I Love Luke: Episode 2 by J.P. Treleaven (Luke and another Jedi get jobs with disastrous results.) (184)
  • Cartoon by A.G. Steyn (190)
  • Cartoon by Wanda Lybarger (191)
  • A Night to Regret by Marti Schuller (192)
  • The Evacuation of Yavin IV by Paul Michael Kane (203)
  • Cartoon by Nimish Vyas (210)

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 2

WHOA! What another great issue! Smelly 2 was a great read. Now where do I begin? The covers: ZP's front one is a riot and Nancy did a lovely job with Christmas.

Leave it to M.J. Mink to write a story from the perspective of a fighter pilot's helmet in "The Early Years". And it was so good, too. And then "Password" had me in stitches.

And speaking of stitches, Carolyn Golledge's "Solo's Deflating Come-Uppance" was so perfect. I could barely stop laughing!

Marti Schuller had three delightful stories. "Twins" stood on its own even though it was similar to a J.P. Treleaven story. I enjoyed it. "Ultimatum " was cute. "A Night To Regret" had me wondering what was going on, until the end, which I like.

Z.P. Florian's Cookbook was cute. Being a closet gourmet chef, can appreciate the time and energy involved in cooking these meals. And her story "Discrimination" was a delight from R2's point of view. Those Master Yoda questions and answers were hysterical!

"The Decision " by Mary Jo Fox was a riot. I'm glad it was a bad dream, too.

AG Steyn and her story "Surprise, Surprise!" was a nice read. I love the way she writes about Luke on Tatooine - it's hilarious. And speaking of hilarious, her Dead Bothan Society jokes were absolutely incredible! Thank you, AG.! We may put you in charge of PR.

"Cross-Eyed Universe": Jennifer Moore certainly has a great way with words when she writes a poem. There should be a law against Corellians and Ferengi getting anywhere near your taxes. J.P. Treleaven's second installmait of "I Love Luke" was wonderful. That's one of my favorite Lucy episodes.

I saved the best for last. The HoloGuide came out beautifully. You did a great job on lay out; Judy, and Z.P.'s artwork was great.

And those "Galactically Correct Bedtime Stories"! I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so very well done, especially Cheryl Pryor's story. Well done for a first time in print story! And ZP and Nancy with their artwork: incredible!

Everyone did a great job and I enjoyed the entire issue from cover to cover. A small thank you to Nancy also for her cartoon of Cooking Bothan. It seems Bothans are enjoying the spotlight and the brunt of many jokes. Keep up the great work, you two. Issue 3 will be much anticipated! [11]

Smelly #2 was great. I was a bit disappointed at first, though. Since I hadn't read #1, I was expecting an all-through hilarious, "Mad Magazine" like zine after I had read the LoCs. It wasn't. But, after reading some more stories, I realized how good this zine really is.

"The Early Years" by M.J. Mink was so cute.

Every time I watch the videos and see Luke flying his X-wing, I think, "Hey, there's L.D. Helmet!"

"Solo's Deflating Come-Uppance" by Carolyn Golledge really captured Han's manners and ways. Very good. All the feiry tales were eigoyable to read. My favorite was "Three Jedi Knights' Bluff" by Marti Schuller.

"Like Father Like Son" was another great story by Judy Ebberly. I really like the characters and environment that surrounds Han and Chewie in her stories.

"The Time Of The Hunter's Moon" by Veronica Wilson was one of my fevorites in the zine. It was so....dark and Gothic.

Another story that also got me hooked was "Twins" by Marti Schuller. A very well-written story. I loved Rogay, a wonderful character.

Of the artwork, I just loved A.G. Steyn's Jawas.

I'll end this by saying, again, I Don't Care What You Smell! was great. I'm really looking forward to issue #3.[12]

Another splendid issue of Smelly, even better than the first! Both the covers and the interior artwork by your "resident artists", ZP Florian and Nancy Stasulis, are beautiful. I particularly enjoyed the art in the bedtime stories section, though I must have looked at Nancy's "Beauty And The Sith" drawirig a dozen times before I noticed the Mickey Mouse watch. Wanda Lybarger's Han on page 21 certainly has a nice set of muscles!

AG. Steyn's cartoons are a hoot, particularly the one on page 53. Her story, "Surprise, Surprise!" was totally delightful. I always enjoy the richly detailed backgrounds she imagines.

Debbie Kittle's "Vacation " is the ultimate fen fantasy with none of the usual meeting-a-character-in-person cliches. Her "Luke And The Deathstalk" is very funny, but with an effective, pathetic ending. And Debbie's filks are as terrific as always, with Nancy's illos adding just the right touch.

Carolyn Golledge's "Solo's Deflating Come Uppance!" is both cute and entertaining.

"Surprise" by Tammy Olsen actually was a surprise. It's fun to see a familiar scene portrayed from another view. Veronica Wilson's Time of The Hunter's Moon" was as eerie and intriguing as all her pieces about Vader and Palpatine are.

JP Treleaven's "I Love Luke, Episode 2" was delightful - when do we get the grape-stomping episode?

Sheryl Haven's "Jedi Academy Courses" is clever. The HoloGuide pull-out is hysterical and must have been tremendously fun to write. ZP Florian's recipes are as cute and disgusting as Master Yoda's "Galactic Cookbook" should be! And her "Discrimination" is so true - what an original look at Artoo.

Back to the Bedtime Stories; Marvelous section, all the stories and illos are terrific. I particularly enjoyed Cheryl Pryor's "Beauty And The Sith" - it was sparkling, clever and sad --- a difficult combination, but managed perfectly by Cheryl. And JP Treleaven's "Rapunzeleia" had me rolling on the floor - very witty!

I know I've left out some people, but I've run out of superlatives. It will have to suffice to say:

Judy and Marti, you've done another terrific job - and I'm eagerly waiting for issue 3.[13]

Smelly #2 is the stinkiest issue ever! Must be from all the rotting Dead Bothans who contributed to it. The "Galactically Correct Bedtime Stories" turned out really well. I particularly enjoyed "Luke And The Deathstalk" (as well as the accompanying illo), "Beauty and The Sith", and "Rapunzeleia" (with all of its p.c. pretensions and Leia singing the blues!). The TV guide supplement was cute, too.

"Surprise, Surprise" had me laughing out loud at every turn. Every sentence had a gag, and it seems as though every one of them worked. It also told a very plausible story of how Luke ended up with a landspeeder, and a little bit of what life is like on Tatooine.

"Vacation" proves what can happen to your brain after too many years engaged in fannish activity! Debbie, if you ever do visit Planet Hollywood in London, I'll be sure to take my phone off" the hook! Just kidding; I realty want to go too. You get to ogle Han in person, I sure don't want to be on the other side of the planet.

"I Love Luke " was an interesting take on the classic chocolate factory episode, while "Password" was just plain odd! In a good way, of course, Minky!

"Solo's Deflating Come-Uppance" was a first...Han survives a Carolyn Golledge story unscathed!!! "Discrinmatian" touched upon a base truth...Artoo's the one who saves everyone time and time again. People say Wedge is the unsung hero of the SW universe, but Artoo gets even less recognition for all his heroic deeds!

As for "A Night To Regret", I must say it's a real relief to read a story where Leia isn't uptight, prudish and anal-retentive.

"The Evacuation Of Yavin IV" was a good day-after-ANH action yarn. I always appreciate a well-written space battle scene. Tho "The Time Of The Hunter's Moon " was nicely written, it felt oddly out of place in a light-hearted zine. I think there's already an abundance of angst-ridden dark serious stories in SW zines. Not to say I wouldn't like to see Veronica's work in good ol' Smelly, but come on, I know you can write something a little less brooding! (Ed note: Veronica warned us this was not a light story, but we welcome all good writing. While we hope to keep a preponderance of lightness and humor, we also hope to see Smelly grow. J&M)

"Cross-Eyed Universe" provided a few chuckles, while the "Hello, Daala" filk was a real gem. In case they ever do "Darksaber: The Musical", we know who they ought to hire to write the lyrics.

I enjoyed Nadye Whitham's character portraits, A.G. Steyn's cartoons, and Nancy Stasulis's caricatures for the fairytales. Liked her Christmas card illo on the back too. How about a Ramadan themed illo for the next issue? Or Rosh Hashanah?

Well, it's almost 1 a.m. and time to wrap up this LoC. Thanks for another shiny happy issue of

Smelly and I'm looking forward to #3.[14]

Just to let you know Smelly #2 was excellent from front cover through to the back cover. I don't care who you blame for all the ideas (see notes from Proboscis Press) but just keep going to Media West so that you can go on producing a wonderful zine. I only wish that the UK. TV had a holo-guide timetable like the one you included. I could become a real couch potato, or is that Hutt?

Since I am a fan of politically incorrect bedtime stories, I really enjoyed the galactically correct ones.

The cartoons and filks were exceptional this time - a gem every time you tumed the page. Both A.G. Steyn and Wanda Lybarger excelled themselves, but all the others were wonderful too. Loved Yoda's door.

The illustrations ware great. There are some really talented people out there and their love for the subject shows through in their work. Also the poems show real flair and love.

As for the quality of the story work, what can I say except that it just goes on getting better and better. Favorites included Marti Schuller's "A Night To Regret", Carolyn Golledge's "Solo's Deflating Come-Uppance" (couldn't you persuade someone to illustrate this?), A.G. Steyn's "Surpnrise, Surprise!" and "Discrimination" by Z.P. Florian. Suffice it to say that I can't think of one story I didn't enjoy.

Can hardly wait for Smelly #3. Thank you both for all your efforts. [15]

I thought I'd tell you how much I enjoyed Smelly #2. It was, again, a very well put together, very well organized zine and packed to the covers with talent!

I very much enjoyed "Vacation" by Deb Kittle. Great idea, and wow! isn't it the holiday of all our dreams. What a souvenir, huh? Pity the 'Han and Leia' relationship got in the way of the ladies "fun"! I'm sure Han could've supplied hours of "fun". I screamed, positively screamed with laughter at the thought of 'Harrison Ford' washing his hands in a urinal. Oh, dear, poor Han! Poor Harrison!

Carolyn did it again. She had me roaring with laughter while humiliating poor Han mercilessly in "Solo's Deflating Come-Uppance". Oh, what a cruel fate it would be to cut off his.... uh.... "assets"!

"A Night To Regret". Marti's portrayal of Han and Leia's relationship was, yet again, spot on. Just the right amount of sensuality and humor. I would've loved to have seen an illo of Han's tattoo. I'm certain that once Han's 'embarrassment' had been removed, Leia would find he was no prude.

"Like Father, Like Son". Judy gets better and better with every story she writes. Her characterizations are perfect, and you can actualy imagine the characters saying the things that she writes. Surely the sign that she's got it right. Loved her character Rahandir.

Wanda's cartoon "Between A Rock And A Hard Place" was pure genius! Though it's not SW, it was definitely worth printing.

The "Galactically Correct Bedtime Story" collection was great, very fimny and well adapted.

My favorite was "Rapunzeleia". ZP's artwork throughout was wonderful and I loved her 'cabbage patch' Yoda's. A brilliant idea.

The "Holo-Guide" was simply ingenious. A question - how can you get a 'Late Night with Han Solo"??!!!?? And 'Love, Corellian Style". Hmm, now that sounds interesting. Brilliant, brilliant, Barbara. Sheer GENIUS!!!

Love the back cover. My guess is Lando is telling of how Han won the Falcon from him.[16]

Smelly is a wonderful read and I've never seen a fanzine of this before. Crikey! This zine is quality with a capital Q! Most of the fanzines you get over here are usually only twenty or so pages long, so this one is great.

I loved the cartoon of Han at different ages and the cartoons of Yoda's fece all the way through. Great stuff!

There's just so much excellent stuff in there that it's difficult to pick out one story that I enjoyed the most. It sure opened my eyes to how involved fans in your country get when it comes to Star Wars.

I read in one of the LoCs that they had tried to identify the characters on the cover of Smelly #1, so I thought I'd take a guess at whose legs are on the cover of #2. Let me see - on the top row there's Stormtrooper, C-3P0, Leia (from Jedi) and Yoda, next line has R2, Chewbacca, Salacious Crumb, Boba Fett and Luke (from Empire), and finally the bottom row has an Ewok, Scout Walker, Luke (from Star Wars) and Han Solo (the stripe on the trouser gave it away - for a moment I thought it was Luke from Jedi. How did I do? [Ed: Pretty good You only missed one. That's not Leia's foot - it's a pig guard! We offered a free copy for the most correctly identified noses with #1 and nobody even tried to guess. You are the only one who guessed for #2 so I'm going to award you a free copy. JY] [17]

A deliriously silly collection of incredibly imaginative stories and poems, a dazzling cornucopia of delights!

Now, it is imposable to do justice to all the goodies in there, so I'll just mention a few..... Kittle's "Luke And The Deathstalk" and "Vacation"; Mink's "Luki, Prince Of The Forest", and the great "Helmet", plus the twisted "Password ." Pryor's "Beauty And The Sith", especially Louis, the talking 'saber... Steyn's "Surprise" with a great Tatooine holiday song. Stasulis' crookedly funny drawings, Lybarger's Corellian evolution, and the Lybarger/ Anderson ad for the Ewok smutzine, the HoloGuide craziness, filks to die for, Treleaven's "I Love Luke" - I love his wife! Schuller's "A Night To Regret". Golledge's delicious trip to Am'zonia....who wouldn't want those two haksi??

The one serious piece, Wilson's "Hunter's Moon" - again, it proved that no matter how many times she travels into the planes of the soul of Vader and the Emperor, the vista is always irresistible, the tantalizing glimpses leave us wanting more.[18]

Wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed Smelly #2. Where did you get that great sticker? [Ed: Contributors received a special sticker on their copy which were made hy a friend of mirte. JY]. Loved the stinky feet cover - though a certain Dark Lord was missing. No doubt his feet don't qualify! The back cover by Nancy Stasulis was wonderful - too bad it wasn't in the movie.

I loved Marie Treleaven's ""Rapunzeleia" - very galactically correct. I'm glad I'm not a "tradition-bound member of the borgeoisie" so I could appreciate the story. All the faiiy tales were fun and funny, but this one was hysterical!

Debbie Kittle's ""Vacation" was true wish fulfillment. My favorite scene was the 'someone who loves you' one. Don't we all! Even though I'd heard the general outline of this story before I read it, Debbie managed to surprise me with her twists in the tale and with her wit.

As a serious story, Veronica Wilson's "Time Of The Hunter's Moon " gets my vote as the best. Very eerie but still capturing the elegance of my favorite Sith. I liked the interplay between the Emperor and Vader; their relationship is so complex and we get so little of it in the films. Enjoyed all of Master Yoda's self-portraits scattered through the issue, as well as the snappy questions and answers from the Master's door.

I know you all will have some great stuff planned for #3. [19]

loved both the front and back covers, all the cartoon and the illos which went so well with their stories.

Yoda's Door is nice but was even more fun as each question appeared and was answered sequentially.

I think I also enjoyed the Holo Guide even more having been there when Debbie and Marie took up the entire room revising it (People laughing hysterically take up a lot of room.)

There are too many stories I really like to single out any of them for particular praise, but I will just say I didn't not like any story in the zine. I want to thank Judy and Marti for publishing such a well-made, easily readable and enjoyable (extremely funny) zine. Smelly #3. Once again you have put together a zine that I love and am proud to be published in.

The covers are both beautiful, as is most of the art work for illos (what isn't beautiful is funny). I usually prefer to read Smelly on the trip home, but after the last two trips where I had to read the 'what ever I was laughing at' to Debbie Kittle while she drove, I decided to wait The wait was worth it The trend of a readable, funny, well put together zine is upheld. I was lucky enough to start the zine on my day off so I didn't have to worry about stopping in the middle of something just to do mundane stuff like go to work.

All the stories are good. I enjoyed the poetry too. I didn't find anything I disliked in the zine. I appreciate the list of stories from the Blue Falcon universe.

The Galactic Enquirer is great Having been a witness and being accused of being an instigator in the Lanham Con/Cheryl Pryor adventure, I loved those two pages.

The length of the zine is excellent. I actually finished it without saying 'I wish there was more!' I'm just counting down the days, weeks, months until Media West and the next issue. [20]

Issue 3

front cover #3, Rhydderch Wilson
back cover of issue #2, Nadye Whitham

I Don't Care What You Smell 3 was published in May 1997 and has 310 pages. It has a color cover by Rhydderch Wilson and a back cover by Nadye Whitham. Other art by Wanda Lybarger, Zyene, Z.P. Florian, Nadye Whitham, Nancy Stasulis, Bert-Olaf Lundin, and Tanya Rizzuti.

It won the 1998 FanQ Award for 'Best Star Wars Zine.'

The editorial by Marti:

It's hard to believe that Smelly's already reached its third issue. It seems only yesterday that Judy pulled me aside at MWC to tell me she wanted to publish a SW zine. I'm still astonished that she wanted me to work with her as co-editor, but I wouldn't have missed this experience. I hope Smelly has many, many more issues. On to the year 2000!

Which, in a roundabout way, brings me to the point of this editorial. (Yes, reader, I do have one.) I've quickly learned that, like all living things, a zine tends to grow. This is good. Yet growth in size alone is hardly real growth. The thing that intrigued me most about working on Smelly, besides my friendship with Judy, was her desire to publish a comedy zine. We'd both agreed that SW fandom desperately needed more humor and we hope we've provided a good place for h. But the time has come to move forward.

Now, don't get me wrong. We still want to keep the preponderance of material in Smelly on a light or humorous course. Laughter is still the best antidote to some of life's harsher realities. However, it's also our goal to never exclude good writing. Therefore, we are throwing open our pages to more dramatic, serious work. We welcome your efforts in helping us to bring Smelly into the future.

Remember, life is change.
From the editorial by Judith:

I agree with Marti that we need to progress. I have encountered many writers who tell me that they would love to contribute to Smelly but wither they don't have any comedic material or they don't write it. I don't like excluding them and hope that they will reconsider now that we have opened the pages of Smelly to more than humor. Actually, we have never said that we would only print humorous material. In fact, Smelly has had some more serious works in it. We'd just like more.

If Smelly gets any larger, I will either be reducing the size of the print or finding a new font. We would like to keep Smelly in a reasonable price range. More material means more pages and with the rising costs of printing, we'll have to do something or price ourselves out of existence.
  • Odor Eaters, letters of comment (1)
  • The Art of Jedi Special Edition, Archived version by M.J. Mink (Times have changed, and Luke must update his image. STAR aWARdS Best Short Story 1997.) (6)
  • Luke, poem by Susan Zahn (9)
  • Up the Wazoo by Martie O' Brien (STAR aWARdS Medium story - honorable mention) (Set before Star Wars: A New Hope. Han takes a trip with a returning planetary ruler who has to perform an unusual task. Han and Chewie transporting an exiled king back to his land. The long then wants Han to take over an 'onerous'duty.)
  • Wedgy Sue, filk to the tune of "Peggy Sue," by Deborah Kittle (25)
  • Miracle at the Convention by Z.P. Florian (26)
  • A Tender Male Bonding Moment by Mary Jo Fox ("This takes place right after the novel Children Of The Jedi, when the Millennium Falcon has just dropped off Luke and his new love, Callista, at the Jedi Academy on Yavin IV.") (27)
  • Boba Fett Rocks, comic by Rhydderch Wilson (29)
  • Trek to Yavin by Z.P. Florian (Star Trek crossover) (32)
  • Sorcerer's Apprentice, poem by A.G. Steyn (37)
  • A Little Action by Marti Schuller (38)
  • From the Desk of Boba Fett by A.G. Steyn (Topic: the inconsistencies and sloppiness regarding Boba Fett in pro books. "An open letter to George Lucas and his pro-fiction writers by Boba Fett. "Might I have a word with you? Why me, George? What have I ever done to deserve this? Believe me. Oh Great All-Powerful Creator of the Galaxy, life as a bounty hunter is tough enough as is. The last thing I need is some so-called pro-fiction authors of galactic guides and assorted other fine literature making my humble existence even more complicated and miserable.") (43)
  • Ties That Bind by Judy Ebberly (46)
  • VHF Solo: Contraband by Martie O'Brien ("A 12-song set, with title logo by Wanda Lybarger.") (Luke seems to have disappeared, so Han, Chewie, and Major Van-Dorn go looking for him.) (66)
    • The Outlaw and the Virgin Queen
    • Like a Brother to the Blues
    • Don't Draw Your Gun
    • Heartsease (suggested by a scene in "Mirrors" by Wanda Lybarger)
    • Opportunity
    • The Free-Trader's Song
    • Easy Money
    • Where I Stand
    • Heart of the Void
    • Changes
    • Ride the Night
    • Looks in the Mirror
  • Venus of the Dune Sea, art by Tanya Rizutti (75)
  • Garden of Sadness by Belea Keeney (Vader is at a rehab center and meets a very interesting grounds keeper.) (76)
  • Blind, poem by Susan Zahn (81)
  • Femme Fatale, poem by Veronica Wilson (STAR aWARdS Best Miscellaneous) (82)
  • Breakfast with the Twins, Archived version, also here by M.J. Mink (Han takes his children out for breakfast with some very disastrous results.) (Star Awards Honorable Mention for Vignettes, 1997) (83)
  • Yoda Don't Preach, filk to the tune of "Papa Don't Preach," by Madonna, by Mary Jo Fox (88)
  • The Art of Wanda Lybarger by Wanda Lybarger (89)
  • The Promise by J.A. Berger (STAR aWARdS Long story - honorable mention) (From the Blue Falcon Series. Continues the story begun in Corellian Alliance.) (94)
  • Errand to Falin by Marti Schuller (132)
  • Galactic Enquirer, parody by Anonymous (146)
  • Big Ol' Ship, filk to the tune of "Big 'Ol Truck," by Toby Keith, by Deborah Kittle (151)
  • A Spaceman Came Travelling by A.G. Steyn (Moving the Rebel base to Perel sounded simple, right? Wrong! Han, Luke, Leia, and Chewie have some difficulties with the Falcon.) (152)
  • Boba Fett Rocks 2, comic by Rhydderch Wilson (173)
  • Together Again Carolyn Golledge (Han and Luke celebrate their tenth anniversary of meeting by returning to Mos Eisley cantina. And boy oh boy has the place changed!) (176)
  • The Outlaw Trail, cartoon by A.G. Steyn (189)
  • More Punishment, poem by Jennifer Moore (190)
  • Sith College Courses by Sheryl Haven (191)
  • Solo's Side of the Story, poem by Susan Zahn (192)
  • Cartoon by A.G. Steyn (193)
  • The Last, Best Duty by Cheryl Pryor (194)
  • Cartoon by Z.P. Florian (201)
  • Consequences, Archived version by M.J. Mink (After Bespin, Luke and Vader meet again. STAR aWARdS Honorable Mention for Medium Story, 1997) (202)
  • Zero Hour, Zero Sun, poem by Veronica Wilson (221)
  • Night Out by Amanda Palumbo (223)
  • Bathrooms of the Galaxy by Z.P. Florian (231)
  • Patience is a Virtue by Deborah Kittle (Han must get his spacer's license renewed. If you've ever renewed your driver's license, you'll love this!) (STAR aWARdS Medium story - honorable mention) (232)
  • The Dead Bothan's Excellent Adventure at the Lanham Con with David "Darth Vader" Prowse by Nancy Stasulis (a series of cartoons about fans meeting the actor at a con) (246)
  • The Secret by Cara J. Loup (won the 1998 FanQ Award For 'Best Star Wars Gen Story') (249)
  • Cartoon by A.G. Steyn (287)
  • Proposals by Marti Schuller (Leia has two contestants for her hand in marriage. The contestants must run a series of tests to prove their worthiness.) (288)
  • Star Wars, filk to the tune of "All I Want (Is A Life)" by Tim McGraw, by Deborah Kittle ("Dedicated to Star Wars collectors everywhere." (311)

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 3

Another awesome issue to be proud of! Like a juicy cheesburger, Smelly has beefy stories, tasty flavorings and crisp packaging! The front cover from Rhydderch Wilson was striking and colorful even with out a zine title. The back cover was equally interesting, Luke looking especially appealing this time. Also, a commendation is in order to Nancy Stasulis for her art work this issue. Her drawing pefectly captured Luke's anguish and she has such a talent for dynamic, action- packed art.

Comments on my favorite stories only.

The Art Of Jedi: Special Edition from M.J. Mink. This talented woman is fast becoming one of the best writers in Star Wars fan fiction. Her skewering of info-mercials combined with out favorite young Jedi was hysterical. The bit with the audience gasping at Luke's every move hit close to home. (Hey, I know some of you drool over QVC - don't tell me you don't!) Cute story.

Mary Jo Fox did a good job with A Tender Male Bonding Moment, which coyly spoofed those Luke-the-virgin stories we've all seen. A vignette which brought a smile.

The filks from Deborah Kittle were also well done. Even without knowing the songs, her knack for capturing the Star Wars scenarios in each of them is terrific. She has filks eveywhere! Does this woman ever sleep?

Trek To Yavin from Z.P. Florian was another hoot I loved her Captain Kirk, who was so dismayed that his smile didn't work as well in this universe. It would be fun to read some more cross universe stories from this talented writer. Her cartoon. Miracle At The Convention was also well done. Pirated zines, indeed.

The Secret was another serious story that I enjoy ed. Cara made good use of image (the rows of steel caskets was especially chilling) and had an interesting plot. Luke did have some secrets to keep hidden and her story showed him gradually trusting Leia and Han with his psyche.

My very favorite in the zine though, has to be Consequences from M.J. Mink. What an interesting take on Luke after Bespin. Vader's point of view was self-serving yet grounded in practicality. Her Luke was unsure, vulnerable and growing more aware of his own strength as time passed. I definitely want to read more from this writer's universe.

I read with sympathy your editorial discussion regarding size and fonts! Your readers understand, of course. Reducing the font is pefectly acceptable and it can still be enjoyed. Prices have to be kept reasonable. For me personally, $25 is the most I would ever spend on a zine. And at 300+ pages, the economics of zine production must be daunting.

Here's a toast to another issue of Smelly![21]

Wow! Smelly #3 is magnificent, and you can be very proud of it.

As for me, I'm proud and happy to have been considered worthy of contributing. Looking at what the other contributors came up with makes me feel real small.. about three inches tall.

Rhydderch Wilson (He? She? I'm not familiar with Welsh names) is a genius. The cover is perfect, and the rocking Boba had me in stitches. More, more, more... Uh, is Rhydderch a pro?? (ED: Rhydderch is a HE and if he isn ]'t a pro, he should be!)

Nancy Stasulis proved once more What a thoroughly gifted cartoonist she is. Every 'victim' of her pen is clearly recognizable and I sure hope she'll send 'Mr. P." copies of those outrageously funny toons. After all: why should I be the only one dying from laughter. Let old Gridface get his share of painful "Bellyachus Humoritis", too.

Wanda Lybarger's art: GREAT! As always. I especially love her Bespin Ale Break Sooo cute! Ha, I can easily picture myself among the drooling babes up there behind that window. Love the idea behind it Leave it to Barbara Anderson to see the possibilities for some red-hot Han toon in a plain TV commercial.

Community effort: The Galactic Enquirer. . .a hoot!!

Sheryl Haven's Sith College Courses. .. hilarious from a to z.

Marti O'Brien's songs do capture the Solo spirit nicely. 1 especially liked The Outlaw And The Virgin Queen and Like A Brother To The Blues.

Z.P. Florian had me rolling on the floor with her Trek To Yavin. Hysterical! I'll buy a geiger counter to make sure there are no Youngorshullar rays or Fritz-Kittle rays contaminating my place.

I haven't had time yet to read all the stories...Therefore, please rest assured that my not mentioning of all the other stories does NOT mean that I did not like them. I've just not found the time to analyze them yet. To you, Judith, and all contributors: Keep up the good work![22]

I finally finished another mammoth issue of Smelly. At this rate, I'm going to need a forklift for #4.

Rhydderch Wilson's painted cover was just great! His Boba Fett Rocks comics was hilarious, particularly the one with the guy from Motorhead. The artwork was nicely done as well. I'd like to see more fan-made comics in zines.

As for the stories, I think I enjoyed Break&st Willi He Twins the most Poor Han! Someone must've warned him he'd end up with kids just like him. My favorite part was Jaina loudly repeating Han's swearing - fuuny, and true to the way youngsters act. Trek To Yavin was a fun crossover, and having Kirk hit on the first woman he comes across (Leia) made me laugh out loud. Garden Of Sadness's heroine seemed kind of familiar. Do 1 know anyone with a name similar to 'Chera' and bears a strong resemblance to the girl pictured at the end?

A Spaceman Came Traveling reminded me of a fun, enjoyable bout I had with salmonella several years ago. I wish I had some of that medicine back then! Talk about coincidences: in Ann Crispin's The Hutt Gambit, Han Solo had known Admiral Ozzel back when he was in the navy too.

He Last Best Duty offered Obi-Wan's viewpoint in an objective way, which was nice to read (though we know now Mrs. Skywalker is most definitely not a blonde!).

Patience Is A Virtue was a great send-up of bureaucracy at its worst- I loved the part when Han thinks he can charm the female instructor into letting him pass. If Corellians ranked third in their 'creativity' and Bothans ranked second, which species is first? I'd bet on the Hutts...

Proposals was a cute story; very enjoyable and the contest between Han and Wicket was really well-written.

Debbie's Star Wars filk speaks for all of us who collect It seems as though my wallet becomes a black hole whenever I see that familiar logo in the aisles. I was at the Lanham Con myself and yes, it really did happen.

As for the artwork, aside from Rhydderch's work, I enjoyed illos by Nadje Whitman, Zyene and Wanda Lybarger. Tanya Rizzuti's collage was cute and clever.

My only quibbles waa with a couple of the stories. First off 1 thought The Promise and The Secret portrayed Luke and Han's relationship in a way that doesn't really exist in the movies. They seem to share a little too close of a bond, where Han's relationship with Chewie is

almost ignored or downplayed. I always thought that while Luke and Han had a brotherly sort of friendship, Han was closer to Chewie due to their years together as smugglers and that life debt thing. That the story Up The Wazoo contained some stereotypes that made me wince. I'm sure the author meant nothing offensive, but limp-wristed men and Han's crude remarks about the warrior women belong in an era thankfully gone past[23]

Congratulations on a terrific issue, starting off with the fine and clever cover, a good omen! Inside, more laughs was waiting.

The Artof Jedi parody by M.J. Mink was dark but wickedly funny; I liked it a lot. Several other favorite humor pieces would have to be A Tender Male Bonding Moment by Mary Jo Fox; A Little Action by Marti Schuler (it must have taken some research); and Together Again by Carolyn College, who gets my vote for Creator-of-the-Wierdest-Situation-Ever Award. Greedlets.. .just thinking about it makes me cringe.

But my favorite was Z.P. Florian's hilarious Trek To Yavin That was laugh-out-loud funny, a real treat, as was her Bathrooms Of The Galaxy.

Boba Fett Rocks #7 and #2 were wonderful pieces, great execution. And I liked the composite piece Galactic Enquirer, too.

On the more serious side, there was a good verse by Susan Zahn and Zero Hour - Zero Sun by Veronica Wilson.

I greatly enjoyed J.A.'s story, The Promise. The ambiguous ending was especially appreciated. She always has a good, sure hand with fiction. A real eye-catcher was Tanya Rizutti's terrific Venus of the Dune Sea. Boticelli would have been proud.

And last, but definitely not least, I loved Wanda's portfolio pieces, especially the collaboration with Barbara Anderson and Who's Scruffy^Looking? Thanks, Judy, Marti and all contributors for such

quality entertainment I really enjoy a zine weighted heavily in favor of fun.[24]
I'm happier than a Jawa who just sold a droid to have my work featured in I Don't Care What You Smell. Keep up the good work.[25]

Smelly #3 was just packed with good stuff! Both covers were gorgeous.

I enjoyed M.J. Mink's The Art Of Jedi: Special Edition - a great supplement to the first one. And Breakfast With The Twins cute.

Marti Schuller's A Little Action was really interesting and well done. I got about three-fourths of file titles. Errand To Falin left me chuckling and Proposals was a good story that showed Ewoks in a nice light.

Garden Of Sadness by Belea Keeney was quite good. Of course, with several hints and Nancy's portrait, didn't take me long to figure out who Chera "was".

Another Blue Falcon story by J.A. Berger! I'm enjoying this series very much. The Promise was a truly good story.

The Galactic Enquirer was a good chucklefest. It came out really well done.

What a scream Together Again by Carolyn Golledge was! I can picture it all so well What a riot! Cheryl Pryor's The Last Best Duty told it from Ben's POV and I really liked it - thought it quite good. Have the floodgates opened?

Everyone did a fantastic job on this zine. Looking forward to next year.[26]

Issue 4

issue #4, Gerald Crotty
back cover of issue #4, Marla Fair
from issue #4: the two stories: "Just Like Old Times" and "Warlord" are a fannish collaboration
flyer for issue #4, printed in Bright Center of the Universe #8

I Don't Care What You Smell 4 was published in May 1998 and has 256 pages.

The front cover is by Gerald Crotty (Star aWards Best Cover) and the back cover is by Marla Fair. The interior art is by Z.P. Florian, Wanda Lybarger, Rhydderch Wilson, Nadye Markalova, Nancy Stasulis, Bert-Olaf Lundin, and A.G. Steyn.

This zine won the 1999 FanQ Award for 'Best Star Wars Zine.'

From the editorial:

First, there was the trip from Maryland to New Jersey. The culprits in the car were Debbie Kittle, Marie Treleaven and Cheryl Pryor. They got started on the GVC thing you'll find in the pages of this zine. Many hilarious hours were spent on what the GVC should contain. It certainly made the trip go a lot faster. Blame it on them. They started it but others contributed to it They even got a new idea for the next Smelly. I know. I can hear you all groaning now but I think you'll get a kick out of their next idiocy.

The next person to blame is Z.P. Florian. She had this idea that everyone should do a parody of their writing style. She asked (actually, she bullied and badgered but I'll deny that you read that here) a dozen or so writers to do one. Thar efforts will also be found in the pages of this zine. I think they all had fun doing them. Of course, we had to convince some of them that they actually had a particular style to parody.

A.G. Steyn has to take some of the blame (well, actually a lot). She kept sending me cartoon after cartoon My poor husband was convinced that he might have to call the men in white coats as I would sit up in the loft by myself laughing hysterically. More laughter was forthcoming when I got the covert from Gerald Crotty (bless his heart). He had told me that it was going to be 'special' and boy, was he ever right! Marla Fair had this piece of art sitting around and wanted to know if I wanted it to put somewhere in Smelly. I thought it was gorgeous and deserved to be on the back cover.


I want to thank all our contributors. I think they did a fine job with the stories, filks and poems. I'm sure that you will find something that you really love. Smelly is blessed with so many good writers. I also want to thank all our artists for all the fine artwork that graces Smelly's pages. I can't tell you how much I appreciate all the hard work you do to make this zine look so terrific. Thanks.

I hope that you enjoy the pages of Smelly. We had a lot of fun putting it together. Life is short and I am a firm believer in the old adage that laughter is the best medicine.
  • Odor Eaters, letters of comment (1)
  • Tall, Dark Stranger by Marti Schuller (4)
  • Orpheus Dissenting by Marti Benedict-O'Brien (Han in Hell.) (won the 1999 FanQ Award For 'Best Star Wars Gen Story') (5)
  • Just One of Those Days by A.G. Steyn (9)
  • My Favorite Things, filk to the tune of "Those Are a Few of My Favorite Things," by Kristen Brown (21)
  • Anakin's Grave by Belea T. Keeney (22)
  • Insider Information by Judy Ebberly (Leia and Han help Major Val-Dorn retrieve some very interesting information.) (26)
  • Crumb, comic by Rhydderch Wilson (38)
  • The Bothan Jamboree, filk to the tune of "The Zombie Jamboree," by Susan Zahn (45)
  • Dead in Space by Marti Schuller (STAR aWARdS Short Story - Honorable Mention) (46)
  • Happy Birthday to You, Lord Vadar by Mary Jo Fox (54)
  • SW Goes Country by A.G. Steyn (57)
  • Take Me Back to Eisley, filk to the tune of "Take Me Back to Tulsa," by A.G. Steyn (58)
  • Red Necks, No Socks, and Corellian Beer, filk to the tune of "Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer," by A.G. Steyn (59)
  • Boba, filk to the tune of "Commanche (by Johnny Horton)," by A.G. Steyn (60)
  • Special Modifications by Z.P. Florian (61)
  • GVC Guide by Smelly Staff (a spoof of QVC) (62)
  • Marooned; also at here by M.J. Mink (Stranded on a hostile planet, Luke finds an unexpected savior.) (66)
  • Keeping Up Appearances by Alison Glover (In which Han's cover-up of Luke's identity is somewhat misinterpreted by a contact, and somewhat taken advantage of by his co-pilot.) (74
  • Two Coat Tale by Z.P. Florian (80)
  • Cartoon by A.G. Steyn (86)
  • Han, I Think I Love You, filk to the tune of "I Think I Love You," by Deborah Kittle (87)
  • Distractions by Kristin Brown 88)
  • He Shoulda Blasted Faster, filk to the tune of "I Should've Asked Her Faster," by Deborah Kittle (93)
  • Blink of an Eye by Cara Loup (During the battle with the Death Star over Yavin, Han considers his past and future.) (94)
  • The Outlaw Trail by A.G. Steyn (99)
  • Connections by Marie Flanigan (100)
  • Wedge's Theme, filk to the tune of "Shaft," by Mary Jo Fox (105)
  • Just Like Old Times by Z.P. Florian (with an illo by Marti Schuller, part of a fannish collaboration) (108)
  • The Warlord by Marti Schuller (With an illo by Z.P. Florian, part of a fannish collaboration. A simple charter could lose Han the Falcon unless he can make a deal.) (115)
  • A Wookie's Wrath by Deborah Kittle (STAR aWARdS Best Short Story) (132)
  • Vader's Folly by J.A. Berger (During a raid on a planet, Darth Vader encounters a strange enemy.) (140)
  • The Outlaw Trail by A.G. Steyn (168)
  • SW Extra Special Edition by Rhyderrch Wilson (169)
  • Choosing Sides by Sheryl Haven (170)
  • Criminal, filk to the tune of "Criminal (by Fiona Apple)," by Mary Jo Fox (173)
  • Die Solo by Carolyn Golledge (174)
  • The Outlaw Trail by A.G. Steyn (203)
  • Through the Looking Glass by Veronica Wilson and Company (writers spoof their own writing style) (204)
    • Business as Usual by Veronica Wilson (203)
    • Collapse by Z.P. Florian writing as M.J. Mink (207)
    • Quilted Dawn Over Chuplee, concentrated Z.P. Florian (208)
    • Open-Ended by Cara J. Loup (209)
    • Incident Off Estaria by Martie Benedict O'Brien (211)
    • Hunter's Gamble by Martha Wells and Z.P. Florian (writing as Martha Wells) (214)
    • Expressions by Marti Benedict (216)
  • I'm Beginning to See the Light, filk to the tune of the Duke Ellington song, by Kristin Brown (217)
  • Feeding Frenzy by A.G. Steyn (218)
  • The Song of a Portside Merchant by Z.P. Florian ("Collected in the field by Z.P. Florian, translation into Corellian assisted by Maggie Nowakowska, funded by the L&L Skywalker Foundation.") (223)
  • The Lady by Nadye Markalova (224)
  • Entomology: SW Fan Style by Smelly Staff (individual fans are described as insects, humor) (225)
  • Running Out of Reasons to Run, filk by Deborah Kittle (227)
  • The Lonely Heart by Marti Schuller (228)
  • Smuggler's Life, illo by Z.P. Florian (256)

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 4

Hey, Smelly's not a zine anymore, it's a way of life! It's more than just a collection of great stories. It's a place to play together, joke around, experiment with new forms of writing. I mean things like the spoofed, the entomology, the shopping net-work, the limericks all over and so many great stories, it's impossible to list it all First, I must note the incredible Lybarger illo to the equally great Martie Benedict-O'Brien story, Orphem Dissenting. The outrageous Crotty cover. And can't forget Rhydderch Wilson's comics. We are lucky to have him with us. The usual high quality nutty Steyn story. Feeding Frenzy. Keeney's Anakin's Grave, that unforgettable specter. Mink's Marooned. There's no end to the variations of Luke's discovery of his father and this is a truly good one. Kittle's filk, He Shoulda Blasted Faster was a riot, as was her story, A Wookiee's Wrath. Schuller's Lonely Heart was delightful because I never expected to see Leia and Han's relationship through the eyes of a stalker, and boy, was it well done! (Not to forget the great Stasulis illo that went with it.) Golledge's Die Solo, Han at his best, always in trouble, this time even with a fashion statement! Must mention Flanigan's Connections - a wonderful story!

And Cara J. Loup's very vivid Blink Of An Eye about the moment when Han decides to return to help Luke at the end of ANH. [27]

Smelly 4 was a wonderful zine. First of all, the front cover was HOT! Gerald Crotty did a fantastic job - I loved it!!

Orpheus Dissenting by Martie Benedict-O'Brien was cute. Leave it to Han to make his mark in Hell.

Mary Jo Fox's Happy Birthday To You, Lord Vader was enjoyable, but I wouldn't have minded seeing the alternate ending with Vader getting the red negligee.

A.G. Steyn's filks were great, especially Boba - one of my early favorites and she did a great job with it.

The GVC Guide ended up coming out really well.

I enjoyed Distractions by Kristin Brown. A nice glimpse into life between battles. Now I want to see Night Of The Mutant Mynocks.

An intensely well-written story Blink Of An Eye by Cara J. Loup. One of my favorites in the whole zine.

Wedge's Them by Mary Jo Fox was cute.

I loved the concept of the orphan illo and then writing a story about it. ZP and Marti did a great job on their stories.

It was wonderful to see Carolyn Golledge's story. Die Solo. I was relieved to read her words and see how she trashed our beloved Corellian I've missed that! Thanks, Carolyn. And thanks go to ZP for a lovely illo to go with it.

The grouping of the stories in Through The Looking Glass had me practically rolling on the floor in stitches. Intensely parodied and well done by all.

Loved the Entomology bit.

The Lonely Heart by Marti Schuller was wonderfully done. I kind of felt sorry for Jomy. I enjoyed it being told from that POV. Marti has a great habit of writing stories about characters that she creates and making me care about what happens to them.

A fantastic issue as always. Can't wait for next year. [28]

What was best about Smelly #4? Without a doubt, it has to be Gerald Crotty's cover. That's one of the funniest things I've ever seen and will undoubtedly be one of the most (in)famous zine covers in fan history. Maria Fair's back cover, while more "traditional," was a very nice piece in its own right.

My pick of the story litter was Carolyn Golledge's Die Solo. Carolyn never seems to run out of great plot hooks and is always good with snappy dialogue. I also realty liked A.G. Steyn's Just One of Those Days. I'll never tire of the misadventures our heroes suffer in her twisted imagination A Wookiee's Wrath was a good, light-hearted story about Chewie. As for the serious stuff, The Lonely Heart was sad and disturbing. Jomy was a creepy guy, but in a way you also felt sorry for him. I thought the last couple of paragraphs at the end could have been better; Leia's decision to learn about the Force seemed to me too sudden.

A.G. Steyn's filks and cartoons were very amusing. I also liked Rhydderch Wilson's comics. Debbie Kittle's filks were as good as always, and in

the illo/portrait department, I especially enjoyed the ones by Nancy Stasulis and Nadya Markalova.[29]

I want to take this opportunity to thank every one voted for me in the STAR aWARdS to summer. I never expected to win anything and I was realty, realty thrilled when I received two gold medals. Knowing that so many people have enjoyed the work I've done for Smelly realty does make the effort worthwhile. I hope the comic strip I've produced for this issue doesn't disappoint. Once again, thank you.

Smelly #4 was, as usual, terrific. My favorites this time were the very charming Happy Birthday To You, Lord Vader by Mary Jo Fox and Feeding Frenzy by A. G. Steyn. There's always a lot of high quality stuff to choose from in Smelly but those were the two that came out on top for me.

Ever looking forward to the next issue.[30]

Issue 5

front cover of issue #5, A.G. Steyn: "Beauty and the Beast"
back cover of issue #5, Matt Busch
flyer printed in The Rest of the Garbage, You Could Use a Good Kiss #1, click to read

I Don't Care What You Smell 5 was published in May 1999 and has 298 pages. Color covers by A.G. Steyn (front) and Matt Busch (back). Other art by Jeremy Little and Tina Bentrup. Winner of both the FanQ and Star aWards for best SW zine.

This issue contains an entire section of stories where the illo was drawn first and then sent to an author to write a story about the illo. The illos were by Zyene, Cahterine Churko, Nancy Stasulis, Z.P. Florian, Wanda Lybarger, Rhydderch Wilson, and A.G Steyn. The stories were by Cheryl Pryor, Carolyn Golledge, Marti O'Brien, J.A. Berger, Jamie C. Cohen, Z.P. Florian, Marti Schuller, Alison Glover, Deborah Kittle and Cara Loup.

From the editorial by Marti:

As this issue goes to press, Star Wars fandom is about to enter a new chapter with the release of Episode One: The Phantom Menace. With the changing face of fans, young and old, those who embrace the original trilogy and books and comics and roleplaying material as canon, and those who choose only to follow the original three films, it is my fervent hope that we can al grow together and keep Star Wars fandom strong. It's a big galaxy and there should be room and tolerance for all of us among its stars. Along with the new film(s), we're about to begin a new millennium. Let's do it together in peace.

With that said, enjoy the contents of this issue, the illo/story exercise that everyone has found so challenging and

interesting, the great art, the fine words and thoughts of so many writers. Once again, this has been great fun, and that, after all, is what Stars Wars should be all about. Pleasant reading.
From the editorial by Judith:

Smelly always has something special that the Smelly staff dreams up. This year's effort was a Star Wars calendar. We spent hours thinking up how to change holidays into Star Wars holidays. Then, it was decided to get artists. I wrote to a whole bunch of them and they were very enthusiastic about the calendar. Well, it began to grow and before I knew it, it was getting to be an entity of its own and much too big to be included in the pages of Smelly. It will be put out separately. We've been asked just who the Smelly staff is. Well, it is comprised of a lot of people. The initial culprits are usually Z.P. Florian, Deborah Kittle and Marie Treleaven. Once an idea is formed, I send it out

[by] e-mail to at least a dozen or so people. They add to it. We have a lot of fun with ft.
  • Odor Eaters, letters of comment (1)
  • Galaxy of Desire by Aurora Borealis/Mary Jo Fox ("Excerpts of two upcoming books -- torrid tales of explosive heat and passion in a galaxy far, far away.") (STAR aWARdS Honorable Mention story) (3)
  • The Mizer by Marti Schuller ("After a close encounter with a mad genius scientist's machine, Han faces the biggest little challenge of his life.") (STAR aWARdS Honorable Mention Story) (8)
  • I Love Luke, Episode 3: Luke and the Beautiful People by J.P. Treleaven ("Luke helps some local wine growers.") (26)
  • Elegy by Marla F. Fair (34)
  • Movie Bibliographies by Z.P. Florian & Judith Yuenger (37)
  • Millennium Falcon, filk by Deborah Kittle (won the 2000 FanQ Award for 'Best Star Wars Poem.') (38)
  • The P.C. Empire Strikes Back by M.J. Mink ("Vader receives counseling.") (39)
  • Home in the Sky, filk by Martie Benedict O'Brian (41)
  • The Reb Festival by Deborah Kittle ("Han, Luke, Chewie, and Lando impersonate a Corellian folk bank in all their glory in order to pick up on a New Republic operative.") (42)
  • Battle Weary by Jamie C. Cohen (54)
  • Rebel Bedtime Stories by A.G. Steyn (68)
  • You've Got to Talk to Me, filk by Deborah Kittle (69)
  • A Day in the Life by Martha Wilson (While in a Rebel's cruiser's medical bay having a (ahem) little problem taken care of, Han plays a truly evil joke on a captured imperial officer.) (70)
  • Jedi's Are Hard to Kill, comic strip by Rhydderch Wilson (75)
  • At What Cost? by Augusta Downey-Hovey (86)
  • Message in the R2, filk by Jim Alvesteffer (124)
  • Defeat by Marti Schuller (126)
  • Rebel Bedtime Stories by A.G. Steyn (129)
  • Tremors in the Force by Martie Benedict O'Brien 130 (Set during Return of the Jedi, after dispatching Jabba at the Sarlaac pit, Luke and company get set to make a speedy getaway. Now all they have to do is remember where they parked Val and Earl's pickup truck.") ( won the 2000 FanQ Award for 'Best Star Wars Gen Story)
  • Imperial Bedtime Stories by A.G. Steyn (133)
  • Friendly Persuasion by Judy Ebberly (134)
  • A Prologue (or is this an epilogue?) by Mary Jo Fox (143)
  • Crossword Puzzle by Tina Bentrup (144)
  • You Charged Out, filk by Deborah Kittle (145)
  • The Blonde in the Bar by Rebecca S. Wolking (147)
  • You Know You're a SW Fan if...by Denise Roper (149)
  • Every Jedi Has His Day by Kim Hamilton ("No one likes to be sued, least of all a hero of the Rebellion. When the lawsuit threatens to expose his hidden past, Luke has to rise to the challenge with everything in his power.") (150)
  • Collector's Lament, filk to the tune of U2's "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For," by Mary Jo Fox (153)
  • There is Such a Thing as Luck by Z.P.Florian (154)
  • Suns-Set by Alison Glover (Set during Star Wars: A New Hope. Owen's thoughts about Luke's future. "The evening before Luke leaves Tatooine, Owen Lars, knowing that he won't be able to keep his nephew safe much longer, reminisces about Luke's childhood, the events surrounding Luke being given into his care, and realizes that the time has come for an old promise to be honored.") (166) (archived link)
  • Rebel Bedtime Stories by A.G. Steyn (170)
  • King of Plain, filk by Jim Alvesteffer (171)
  • Home by Marti Schuller (172)
  • Coach by Marti Benedict O'Brian (180)
  • Form to Fit the Throne by Selinthia Avenshesca (181)
  • He's My Father by M.J. Mink (183)
  • Imperial Bedtime Stories by A.G. Steyn (184)
  • Hickory Dickory Dock by J.A. Berger (187)
  • Rebel Bedtime Stories by A.G. Steyn (201)
  • Aftermath by Cheryl Pryor (202)
  • Precious Possessions by Cara J. Loup (Luke and Lando prepare to rescue Han from carbonite.) (207)
  • A Case of Conscience by Marti O'Brian (224)
  • Myths and Legends by Marti Schuller (231)
  • Moving Target by Z.P. Florian (237)
  • Play Time by Deborah Kittle (244)
  • Observations by Alison Glover (An interested bystander observes Han, Luke and Leia during an event at an embassy.) (250)
  • Imperial Bedtime Stories by A.G. Steyn (266)
  • In it for the Money by Carolyn Golledge, art by Kate McCredie. (Pre A New Hope. A young Han Solo as a disagreement with Chewbacca about selling weapons to support a vicious war. Also in Never Say Die) (267)
  • SW Character Desserts by Smelly Staff (294)
  • Puzzle Answers by Tina Bentrup (295)
  • Imperial Bedtime Stories by A.G. Steyn (295)

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 5

Once again, ladies, you have produced a deli^tful fanzine which gives the reader many hours of enjoyment. No wonder you keq) winning all those FanQ awards! Smely 5 was packed with so many wonderful works by talented fans that it's impossible to comment on every thing. Rest assured that I thoroughly enjoyed every single page of this issue, regardless.

Fabulous art, from A.G. Steyn's vivid front cover to Matt Busch's striking back cover. I have to admit a more than usual amount of affection for Jeremy Little's spoof of TPM movie poster - very clever! And, as always, Nancy Stasulis's and Zyene's marvelous illoes blew me away. My only complaint is that there's just not enough artwork in this issue.

Loved the section "the the 'illo came first', and am simply in awe of the creativity demonstrated by the authors. J.A. Berger's Hickory Dickory Dock was a detlightful 'whodunit' puzzler with a Star Wars twist. In Precious Possessions Cara J. Loup crafted a complex tale of desperation and devotion to match an equally complex Stasulis illo. I laughed over the clever plot device in A Case of Conscience by Martie O'Brien - I want to know, whose idea was the egg plague? Got a kick out of Marti Schuller's The Mizer - could just picture Han in boots and gunbelt and nothing else - defending himself valiantly against a marauding bird! M.J. Mink's The P.C. Empire Strikes Back, Deb Kittle's The Reb Festival, and Martha Wells Wilson's A Day In The Life (wicked, wicked Han!) all made me laugh out loud.

On the seious side, there were several intense and moving stories: Maria F. Fair's Elegy was both chilling in tone and touching in Artoo's devotion to his master. Jamie C. Cohen's Battle Weary rocked me in a couple of places as Han wrestled with fhe costs of war. What Cost? by Augusta Downey-Hovey had me wincing in sympathy with Han's feelings of displacement

I can only say thank you to every single contributor, because you gave me so many hours of pleasure, and that I'm definitely looking forward to the Millennium Issue of I Don't Care What You Smelll! [31]

First off, I want to comment on the calendar. It's just gorgeous! Everyone did a fantastic job on it. Shame I can't use it after MW next year. How about refills?

Now for the zine. The covers by A.G. Steyn and Matt Busch were just excellent.

Galxy Of Desire by Mary Jo Fox was a riot! I used to read those bodice rippers in college to pass the time between classes so it brought back fond menuxies.

Mary Jo was able to capture the appropriate 'desires'. Marti Schuller's The Mitzer was deli^itfiiUy amus ing. As was J.P. Treleaven's nrart iiBtallmait of I Love Luke. Good entertaining reading. I foimd Battle Weary by Jamie Cohen to be quite intoise but well thought out and written. Great story by Martha Wells Wilson. I loved A Day In The Life. I got some great chuckles out of Han's predicament.

Jin Alvesteffer's two filks by the Police were great - some of nty fiivorite songs are by that group. I want to thank Marti Schuller for writing Defeat and for the dedicatiort Mary Jo Fox's The Collector's Lament filk is so true. Home by Marti Schuller was wonderful. I've not actually done it but have helped numerous fiioids and &mily move so can sympathize. I really rajoyed the illo first stories. Some incredi ble reading. This was my fiivorite part of the zine. Great imaginations abound! I Wouldn't mind seemg a lot more of this in future issues. It certainly sparked the creative juices.

Thanks to all for another huge and oijoyable issue.[32]

Smelly 5 was a highly professional zine with plenty of good stories and wonderiul illustrations. The best artwork came fi-om Zyaie and Wanda Lybarger. Loved Nan(ty Stasulis's picture of the family with Threqiio in Leia's see-throu^ ni^gown on page 244. Both covers were excellent, although I'm no &n of either Boba Fett or Nien Nunb. Cherished Teddies fi^om A.G. Steyn was really cute. Most of the stories were to nty taste and here are a few of my fiivorites. Home by Marti SchuUo- was so true. Having bou^ a iMw house some four years ago, I can weU and truly synqjathize with Leia and Han's buildup dilon- mas. Battle Weary by Jamie Cohoi was such a sad stoiy and if this was meant as a prequel to The Courtship Of Princess Leia thai I can't imagine vdty Leia would eva- think of rgecting Han in favor of Prince Isolda. This stoiy calainly had a lot more feeling than Dave Wolver- ton's novel. Deborah Kittle's Play Time was a lovely story about the mischief I'm sure the twins wae quite capable of. Enjoyed Rhyddach Wilson's illustrated stray Jedi's Are Hard To Ml. It captured Steven Seagal's personality and likeness perfectty. What Han was wiling to go through for Leia's

love in At What Cost? by Augusta Downey Hovey was amazing. Loved the name of the virus, Cohai-GoUedge.[33]

My favorite zine ami it gets bata and betta. The artwork was outstanding. So maity good things to choose e'en!. DifBcuh to commait on srane and not otl^. To all the authors, artists, filk writas, and every one cramected with Smelly, I pass on my congratulations for really supab work. Have to applaud Carotyn GoUedge's In It For The Money. She writes Han so wondafiilly. Also among nty fiivorites was Hickory Dickory Dock by J.A. Baga. Again a great writa of Han. Both these ladies seem able to ^ unda his skin.

Thanks to you and Marti for all your hard work. It is appreciated. Only one conqilaint - one volume a year isn't enough![34]

Issue 6

front cover issue #6, Sandra Scholes

I Don't Care What You Smell 6 was published in May 2000 and has 306 pages. It has a front cover by Sandra Scholes.

The interior art is by Z.P. Florian, Nancy Stasulis, A.G. Steyn, Sandra Scholes, Melanie Lepine, Rhydderch Wilson and Zyene. This issue does not have any art on the back cover.

The zine includes a special foldout - a map of 'Alderland - a Galactic Amusement Park' by A.G. Steyn.

It won the 2000 Star aWards "BEST 2000 SW ZINE OVER 200 PAGES" award.

From the editorial by Judith:

This will be short but I do need to explain a few things. First, about the insert that you will find somewhere in the middle of Smelly. Every fall, I take a trip, along with Marie Treleaven, to Deb Kittle's. We subsequently drive from Maryland to New Jersey for a convention. The trip is long and, needless to say, the three of us get a tad silly. We almost always end up doing some madness for Smelly. Thus, the Alderland Galactic Adventure Land was born. We really had a lot of fun working on the written material. Now we just needed an artist who could transfer our work to a map. A.G. Steyn attended MW the next May and after the con came home with me. I showed her the written material and she was hooked. She was working on the map even before she left to go back to Germany. Several months later, the completed map landed in my mailbox. As you will wee, it's gorgeous. Everytime I look at it, I find new things that I hadn't seen before. Take a little time and really took at it. It will give you a lon of enjoyment.

Another Kittle, Treleaven, and Yuenger madness is the LoCs. LoCs seem to be dwindling. We thought that maybe writing some that you may enjoy might jog you to write one of your own. I know that a lot of people feel that LoCs are a waste of space. Maybe that's from the a reader's standpoint but from the contributors point of view, it's something they read avidly. Authors and artists spend a lot of time on their work. They would like to know that others enjoyed their labors. It is, in effect, a way of thanking them.

  • Cartoon by by Sandra Scholes (6)
  • Why Things Are by by N. A. Stasulis (7)
  • A Christmas Carol, poem by by A.G. Steyn (9)
  • Too Hot for T.V. by Mary Jo Fox (10)
  • Tomorrow, filk by Deborah Kittle (13)
  • Fatal Error by Marti Schuller (14)
  • If SW Characters Were Dogs by Smelly Staff (21)
  • Saeaenz by Kate Birkel (part four of The Chivalry Series) (22)
  • Boom Da Gasser by Amy S. Farmer (41)
  • Lessons by Deborah Kittle & J.P. Treleaven (42)
  • Puphph the Jedi Wampa, filk by Deborah Kittle (51)
  • Episode 2 Screenplay by Z.P. Florian (52)
  • Amnesia by Valerie Vancolli (58)
  • Haiku, poems by Jennifer Moore (107)
  • Tunnel Vision by Judy Ebberley (108)
  • Measurements of the Soul by Selinthia Avenchesca (117)
  • Jedi Fighting, filk by Mary Jo Fox (139)
  • I Know What You Did Last Varnsday! by A.G. Steyn (140)
  • Winner Takes All by N.A. Stasulis (145)
  • Ladies Love Outlaws, filk by A.G. Steyn (162)
  • Of Truth and Dreams by Marti Schuller (163)
  • Cartoon by Z.P. Florian (165)
  • Coming Home by Kate Birkel (166)
  • More Han Than You Can Imagine by Z.P. Florian (176)
  • Why Can't You Get a Girl?, poem by A.G. Steyn (186)
  • The Rogues by Amy S. Farmer (187)
  • Hiding Leaves by N.A. Stasulis (189)
  • That Kiss, filk by Deborah Kittle (203)
  • The Skywalker-Solo Family Tree by Valerie Vancolli (205)
  • Imgine by Jamie C. Cohen (206)
  • Nightmare on Namoria by Marti Schuller (222)
  • Livin' for the Rebellion, filk by Deborah Kittle (245)
  • The Wager by Cindy Olsen (It was only a wager -- a child's game between lovers. Yet Han and Leia stood to lose more than either of them had bargained for. Received a 2000 Star aWards Honorable Mention for Best Long Story.) (246)

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 6

I must agree with Judy and Marti about letters of comment being used as an important thank you to both writers and artists alike. For a start, I will thank the following artists, and writers, then I will include my reasons: Nancy Stasulis's pic I thought was beautifully drawn! Poor C-3PO - can't wait to see him fully constructed LOL! Melanie Lepine - a nicely done drawing of Lord Vader in a rare 'give me a hug boy' pose with his 'cute' son, Luke. I loved the emotion which she has successfully evoked with her line and tone work. Keep up the great work, girl!

A.G. Steyn's Alderland was certainly a wonder to behold I couldn't imagine the work gone into the picture! Excellent-my sides split with the humor of it all, especially the 'Kessel Run Ride* and 'The Dark Side Chocolateer'. I want some!

Nancy Stasulis' rather decorative work for Hiding Leaves deserves a second mention. I love detail but sometimes copiers and Xeroxes don't Ho hum!

As for the writers. Z.P. Florian's Episode One Screenplay was an interesting insight as to what could have happened originally -1 found it very intriguing and insightful.

My thanks must also go out to the Smelly Staff for their If SW Characters Were Dogs. Top humor. This is so good!

I enjoyed reading Valerie Vancollie's Amnesia. Again, 'poor Luke'. He's a very bad boy - er, Jedi! I found it an honor to do an illustration to go into such a good lengthy story. I enjoy reading the Dark Side ones. Sometimes Luke can be too cute, if you know what I mean.

Cindy Olsen's The Wager was a good idea for making Han look like the smug 'flyboy' who got the girl type of guy with Luke playing the interfering brother. Again well-written and always keeps me interested, unlike some of the widely known Star Wars novels. Some leave much to be desired!

Debbie Kittle's Puphph was funny to read. I love the idea of doing alternate lyrics to well-known songs. I'll see if I can come up with some!

All in all I found Smelly an excellent read altogether. Thanks must go out to all for the hours of pleasure I had reading it. [35]

Another wonderful issue of Smelly. I absolutely loved the Alderland amusement map. It came out so much better than I ever expected. A.G. Steyn's artwork was just incredible. Any way we can get GL to build it?

Too Hot For TV by Mary Jo Fox was really cute. We can only dream, for sure![36]

Too Hot For TV by Mary Jo Fox was really cute. We can only dream, that's for sure!

Really enjoyed both stories by Marti Schuller, Fatal Error and Nightmare On Namoria. I did guess Nightmare's plot early on remembering the author's twisted sense of humor and storytelling. I just felt the ending was a tad abrupt but enjoyable nonetheless, having grown up on those old movies. And got a chuckle out of Of Truth And Dreams. I did have some trouble with Amnesia by Valerie Vancollie. A good premise to start but just felt that Luke wouldn't, turn on his friends like he did even if he needed a hither. They've worked intensely side by side, saved each other's lives. Maybe immediately post-ANH but not in this time frame.

Not only is Nancy Stasulis a talented artist, but I've been enjoying her foray into the written word. Both her stories Winner Takes All and Hiding Leaves brought some depth of character to Lando. Well done.

Loved the filk Ladies Love Outlaws by A. G. Steyn. Used to listen to Waylon all the time. Thanks for bringing back some great memories.

Z.P.'s sequel More Han Than You Can Imagine was really cute and gave me some good laughs. Is more Han a bad thing?!?!? Amgine by Jamie Cohen was interesting. She certainty likes to put Han 'through his paces'. And what an understatement that is. Nicely written and enjoyable.

A nice cover by Sandra Scholes and a good read between the covers. Can't wait until the next issue. [37]

I truly enjoyed everything in the zine. As with most zines. I find each issue just keeps getting better. This is a big one, too, so here goes.

Had to chuckle over your own version of the letter column, especially seeing some of the contributors. Hope this jump starts your readers into writing more. I know Fm certainly going to try and do better.

Why Things Are - no wonder Steven is confused If George pitched Star Wars on this idea, it never would've gotten made at all. Too Hot For TV- every Han and Leia fan's fervent wish, I'm sure. Too bad it was all a dream (?).

The Smelly staff's equating SW characters with dogs was fun. Can you do one with cats? I own a cat mat I consider to be Han Solo in a sable fur coat, even though she happens to be female.

Saeoenz - I was always of the opinion that, although Han probably tried real hard, nothing happened between him and Leia until the trip to Bespin. This takes nothing away from Kate Birkel's excellent story.

The image of Han Solo in those cutoffs - wow! - and Luke's reaction to finding out Han and Leia had been to bed together was perfect. Not only would he be extremely jealous of Han, but he would also be protective of the princess. Valerie Vancollie is a writer I've never encountered before, but she does an interesting take on the idea of Vader taking Luke over to the Dark Side. The fact that Luke actually wanted to be with his father, and could so readily join him after he regained his memory, was chilling.

Tunnel Vision ~ glad to see Rahandir and Han growing closer. More to come concerning this pair, I'm sure.

Winner Takes All and Hiding Leaves - I love her character of Jenvr. He's one of the best original characters I've seen in fan fiction in a while. I like the fact that he can out-con Lando and still make the baron come out looking like a genius. Even the deed to the land where the Imperial Palace sits is perfect compensation for the help he's given the Alliance. More Jenvr, please. Alderland - yep, this looks like a place I would go for an enjoyable vacation. You should be thankful for long road trips if they help you guys dream up stuff this good.

Of Truth And Dreams - Yoda better have more than a word with the creator. He tossed aside a big chunk of the Force's legitimacy with mat thing about midiclorians. How the Force went from being an energy field generated by everything to something to do with the blood is beyond me. I know this is George's story, but really-

The Wager - the_ best story in the zine, I think. Also the saddest. It seems Leia Organa has forgotten the reason she pulled mat little stunt on Tatooine, and, like Han, I know how it feels to be taken for granted. To Leia's mind, once Han was rescued he would always be there, no matter what Oh, how wrong she was. Maybe it was just a case of opposites attracting, but I think Leia wasn't prepared to make compromises or meet in the middle. Surprising for a diplomat. I can also see Han's point If Leia lied about leaving her work behind, what else did she lie about? Kel came along at a time when he was feeling frustrated and neglected, and showed turn the kind of relationship he could have with Leia if she'd only unbend a little. Believe me, I've been in that position more than once myself. I know a lot of Han and Leia tans won't like the turn this story has taken, but sometimes people don't live happily ever after. One can only hope they will get back together permanently somewhere down the line.

Anyway, it's another great issue of Smelly and I hope you're planning at least one more.[38]

Just a few thoughts on fee most recent edition of

"Smelly" - it seemed to me that many of the stories were alternate universe or part of a series I haven't kept up with. I usually don't get into those kinds of stories but nevertheless my favorite was Selinthia Avenchesca's Measurements Of The Soul. She always has the most interesting take on things and it's always written well.

I did like that N.A. Stasutis chose to focus on the much-neglected Lando in her stories and Kate Birkel had some, ahem, nice moments in her Han and Leia stories.

Now as for The Wager - oh, that was cruel! I can't bear to see Han and Leia so dysfunctional! Waah!

Debbie Kittle's Tomorrow with Nancy Stasulis's terrific illo, was my favorite filk. Very funny and very fitting! One could draw plenty of parallels between the two Annies. On the serious side, I enjoyed Jennifer Moore's haiku-s.

I do have to take issue with the poem Why Can't You Get A Girl. I know it was supposed to be funny, from Owen's p.o.v., but I found the overall tone a bit too harsh and the slur 'you old Jedi fag' was over the line, inappropriate, and offensive. It completely undermined any 'comedy' in the piece. [39]

Issue 7

I Don't Care What You Smell 7 was published in May 2002 and is 203 pages. The art is by Kate (front cover), Judith Street (inside front cover) and Zawiah Zainudin (back cover). Other interior art is by Skye Rutherford, Nancy Stasulis, Z.P. Florian, Zawiah Zainudin, Judith Street, Sandra Scholes, and Kate.

front cover of issue #7, Kate
back cover of issue #7, Zawiah
flyer for issue #7, printed in Bloodstripe #2
From the editorial:

As usual. Smelly has its madness section. This time it's called Lifestyles of the Comfortable and Infamous. We had made a list of the rooms that we wanted to do along with some of the contents that should be in that room. We then gave it to the artists. They found it fun to try and get most of the contents that we'd mentioned into the drawing. I want to thank the artist who did such a wonderful job - Z.P. Florian, Judith Street, and Zawiah Zainudin. Next, it was turned over to the authors. I think you're going to love what they wrote. Laughter is the best medicine and the narrative will certainly tickle your funny bone. Thanks to Mary Jo Fox, Irene Heron, Deborah Kittle, Cara Loup, Cheryl Pryor, and Marie Treleaven. Marti and I wrote some as well (yes, folk, I do write a litle — a very little). I'll leave you to decide who wrote what. That'll be part of the fun.


We have some new writers and we hope that you will enjoy their endeavors. Although everyone loved Cindy Olsen's The Wager, they wanted a sequel to get Han and Leia back together (myself included). I prevailed upon Cindy to write it. She did and it appears along with a couple of others.

Deb Kittle and Marie Treleaven's Puphph the Jedi Wampa returns as does Mary Jo Fox's sequel to Too Hot For TV.

We want to thank Zawiah for sending us a veritable blizzard of Han artwork to use as filler. I was really late getting artwork this year and we want to thank the artists who had to rush - Judith Street, Sandra Scholes, Kate, Z.P. Florian, and Skye Rutherford. We also want to extend special thanks to Kate, Judith and Zawiah for the gorgeous artwork that graces the covers.

You will find e-mail addresses under the names of some of our contributors. They asked for that in the hopes of getting more feedback. I sincerely hope that you witl continue to send in LoCs, as not everyone wanted their e-mail address added.

And, finally, a thank you to those of you who purchased this zine. Without you all this effort would be wasted and I'd have a lot of zines cluttering up my basement.
  • Cartoon by Sandra Scholes (3)
  • Master and Apprentice by Deborah Kittle & Marie Treleaven ("Trade route attacks have Leia asking for help from her brother. The Jedi Master and some of his students arrive and do things get heated!") (4)
  • Puphph the Jedi Wampa, filk to the tune of "Puff the Magic Dragon," by Deborah Kittle (17)
  • Servant of the Force by Kate Birkel (18)
  • Viva Mos Espa, filk to the tune of "Viva Las Vegas," by Mary Jo Fox (23)
  • Invisible Friends by Danielle Millerd (24)
  • Taking the Long Way 'Round by Allison Glover ("Wedge Antilles takes a break from the incessant repairs and maintenance work at Echo Base to visit Luke in sickbay and explains Han's remark about the Gundark ears. Luke wants to tell Wedge why he needs to leave the squadron and go to Dagobah, only both the Rebel medical staff and the Imperials are doing their best to prevent him.") (30)
  • On a Short Note, dialogue vignette by A.G. Steyn (37)
  • Jabba Gets His Pipe Back, or, Conversations That Never Took Place by Z.P. Florian ("Don't we know that Han would even go into the belly of the Sarlacc for a friend? In this story he does just that.") (38
  • Return to Fear by Belea T. Keeney (Author's Note: "This story does not conform to LFL canon or the Maul Journal. Set in the same universe as "Slaver's Story" (Imperium 9)") (52)
  • Under the Skin by Lelila (58)
  • You're a Legend in Your Own Mind, filk by Deborah Kittle (67)
  • Master of Seduction by Mary Jo Fox (68)
  • Lost in the Stars by Ana Onamouse (71)
  • Into Shadows by Skye Rutherford ("This story is based upon the events that occurred in Vector Prime by R.A. Salvatore and were later vaguely mentioned in Dark Tide 1 and II. Grief, guilt, anger and shame all combine to provide the most harrowing experience of Han Solo’s life. His only anchor against the demons of the nightmare on Sernpidal, is his family… and even they seem inadequate to provide the foundation he needs to remain above it all. "Weeks after the tragic death of Chewbacca, Han Solo struggles with the loss of his friend Consumed by grief, even the love of his family cannot vanquish the inner demons that drive Han further into a wasteland o f guilt and shame.") (73)
  • White Room by Debra Durkee ("In a prophecy that shadows Leia's latent Jedi abilities, she sees on possible future that awaits them beneath the facade of safety and friendship on Cloud City.") (78)
  • Revisions, or, The Fanfic Author's Lament, Archived version Fanfic Author (86)
  • Too Long, poem by A.G. Steyn (89)
  • Royal Makeup vs. Padawan Hairstyle by Valerie Vancollie (90)
  • The Formal Complaint of Tchupka, translated from the original Ewokese by Z.P. Florian (93)
  • Loyalties by Marti Schuller (won the 2002 FanQ Award for Best Star Wars gen story) ("The security firm formed by Han, Chewbacca, and Lando after the fell of the Empire is facing financial ruin until one client appears who could change everything - Against his better judgment, Solo accepts the job, but things soon go from bad to worse and one of the partners will pay the price.") (94)
  • Poverty, Deliverance and Fate, filk to the tune of "Slavery, Deliverance and Faith" by Clint Black, by Valerie Vancollie (119)
  • Lifestyles by Smelly Staff (120)
  • Swinging on a Star, filk by A.G. Steyn (138)
  • Torn Between Two Lovers by Mary Jo Fox ("A sequel to Too Hot For T.V. in issue #6. Stephanie suffers the agony and heartbreak of having two Star Wars hunks fight over her.") (139)
  • Palace of Jabba, filk to the tune of "Copacabana," by Deborah Kittle 141)
  • Exposed by Judy Ebberley ("Corellians are supposed to be incapable of being embarrassed - at least Han always thought that was the case until he crossed swords with Leia Organa one time too many.") (143)
  • The Meaning Behind the Names, speculation about Lucas' choice of character names, by Valerie Vancollies (153)
  • Might I Have a Word With You?, dialogue vignette by A.G. Steyn (155)
  • There Can be Only by R.A. Sneed (157)
  • I Feel Evil, filk to the tune of "I Feel Pretty," by R.A. Sneed (159)
  • Pilgrimage to the Trees by Z.P. Florian (160)
  • Voyage Home by Skye Rutherford (A missing moment in the Star Wars novel," Balance Point" by Kathy Tyers, the Millennium Falcon speeds toward Coruscant after the evacuation of Duro. On board Han, the twins and C-3PO wonder whether a seriously injured Leia will survive the journey.) (166)
  • A Young Han Solo by Judith Street (172)
  • Pregnant Pause by Lelila (173)
  • One Day at a Time by Cindy Olsen (Sequel to The Wager. Five months have passed since the separation of the princess of Alderaan and the Corellian smuggler, torn apart by the New Republic's constant demands on Leia and the disdain it held towards their relationship. Ill, depressed and alone, Leia wonders why Han has suddenly returned to Coruscant. To rescue her again?) (175)

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 7

I loved the watercolor front cover by Kate, really colorful.

The stories were top class, too. AG. Steyn's On A Short Note I thought was extremely funny. A kind of 'what could have happened if thing. Also loved her Too Long. I'd like to see one to better this, for all the wit, there's truth in all of it!

Valerie's meanings behind the names was a rather good read, somewhat enlightening. Something for us to remember when we next view the episodes all together again at the flicks.

I absolutely love series crossovers, so when I read R.A. Sneed's There Can Be Only One, I knew I'd like it lots. I've enjoyed watching Highlander ever since its inception in 1986 as just a film, and having the series as well which was even better. Ooh, that Duncan McLeod!

It seems that the team has the crossover bug -- loved Jason Grant's We Help The Hopeless. He's one of the original great writers. I already like Angel, Cordelia and Buffy anyway. The story just fits nicely.

I enjoyed looking at the art by Judiih Street, Kate, and the ever humorous filks by Debbie Kittle. [40]

Just received the Smelly 7 ... it got stuck at the Customs [when it arrived in Kuala Lampur, Malaysia] — they'd opened a corner of the package to see what's inside ... guess they must have been suspicious on the smell!

Loooooooove Kate's cover of the smiling trio . .. and the silk cushions Leia's sitting on . . . Han looks soooo happy hugging Leia! And Judith Street's Maul on the inside cover.

And loooooove the Lifestyles Of The Comfortable And Infamous! "Who are you and why are you here?" That's exactly what I thought Han was saying when I drew him in his playroom! And Luke's closet - especially the part 'Which Door?' and then 'There is no other door...' LOL! And the most hilarious in Yoda's basement . . . the pan where the hidden Han and Lulus were happy on getting free advertisement on their interactive Yoda ... or Jive Jedi or Merry Master ... LOL LOL LOL!!! And Lando keeping on trying to sell his products while being interviewed . . . and Leia being caught reading a Han Solo comic... and Vader 'vaporizing' Reach... hmmmm ... where's the pic of Vader's gym?

I love reading the short stories which 1 read after reading the editors' page (aw, thanks for the kind words! If you need me again, you know where to find me.) and looking at the art (love Kate's stubbled Han... reminds me of Indy) and Nancy's Master Of Seduction cover, and reading the Lifestyles and Alison's story (Chewie in muffler, and Luke realizing what a gundark really is! And his mental 'note to serf after the Hoth battle! And a thought-provoking idea about Ozzel being a Rebel sympathizer). I'll list down the stories and comments later when I remember die lilies and authors ... my memory chip is forever malfunctioning! I'm saving the longer stories for when I'm cozy an) comfy . . . sorts save the best for last...

Anyway, thanks again for putting up a great zine! And thanks for letting me get into the smelly act! [41]

Another great issue of Smelly. The front cover by Kate is just gorgeous. Her style and ability to get the faces right on is just phenomenal.

The other two covers by Judy Street and Zawiah were quite nice as well.

I enjoyed Alison Glover's Taking the Long War Round It filled out that ESB scene quite nicely.

Mary Jo Fox's Master Of Seduction and Torn Between Two Lovers were cute and much appreciated for their content. While Room by Debra Durkee was a different slant on the Bespit trip. Very good.

A Fanfic Author's Lament - haven't we all lived it!!

A good story by Marti Schuller - Loyalties - always enjoy her characterizations and plot Lifestyles came out really well and enjoyed reading the other contributions. Good job done by all!

One Day A! A Time by Cindy Olsen - thank you for the sequel. Very nicely done. And Kate's artwork rocks!!

Looking forward to 2002. [42]

Got Smelly yesterday and practically devoured it! LOL! Cindy Olsen's my few writer and ever since I read The Wager, I've been looking forward to the sequel. I was not disappointed. I also enjoyed Skye Rutherford's Voyage Home and Into Shadows among others. I plan to email feedback to those authors that included their addys.

Very nice zine. The art by Kate was fabulous and 1 always get a kick out of Zawiah's sketches. I'm afraid I'm addicted now. [43]

Issue 8

front cover #8, Gerald Crotty
back cover of issue #8, Sandra Scholes

I Don't Care What You Smell #8 was published in May 2002 and contains 175 pages.

The sparce interior art is by Sandra Scholes and Kate.

The editorial:

The Smelly madness that appears in this issue is actually what was slated for next year. This year's madness, which was worked on at Media West by a whole roomful of people, will appear next year. We had some trouble with the artwork not being delivered. The post office wil mlst probably delivered it as soon as we take this over to the printers.

Artists seem to be in short supply. If you know anyone who has some ability and would be willing to do some artwork in exchange for trib copies, please let us know.

We want to extend a special thanks to Cheryl Pryor for sliding us an entire portfolio of artwork. Since she decided not to put out Dark Master. Dark Servant this year, she hated to see the artwork have to wait another year to be viewed. We were more than happy to use it all.

You will find a bunch of reprints in this issue. We prefer, usually, not to have reprints. However, this time we had no choice as several long stories that were slated to appear in Smelly did not materialize. The authors had mundane life get in the way and couldn't finish them. They will, hopefully, appear in the next issue. We have chosen some excellent reprints. Most of them were printed way back when. Maybe you've read them and maybe you haven't. They are well worth reading or rereading as the case may be. We're sure that you wil enjoy them as much as we did.

I (Judy), along with a few others (somewhere in the range of more than 20,000!), attended the Star Wars Celebration I held in Indianapolis, Indiana. It was realty quite something. Never have I seen so much Star Wars merchandise in one place at one time. There were a lot of people who came in costume, some of them were incredible. You name the character and there was probably someone there dressed as that character. Deb Kittle and Mary Jo Fox managed to get tickets for the concert that was held. They raved about it and said that hearing all the Star Wars music in concert was an experience not to be missed. Cheryl Pryor, Todd Killinger, and I got in to see 'The Trilogy in Thirty Minutes' which was put on by the University of California's acting department. It was the most hilarious thing I'd ever seen. They are talking about putting it on the road and I hope that they do so that more people can see it.

Thanks to all our contributors and those of you who purchased this zine. Without you al this effort would be wasted and we'd have a lot of zines cluttering up my basement.
  • Editorial
  • Odor Eaters, letters of comment (1)
  • Born to Fly, filk by Deborah Kittle (3)
  • The End by Marti Schuller (4)
  • The Wonder Child, poem by A.G. Steyn (7)
  • Sour Milk by J.P. Treleaven and Debbie Kittle (8)
  • Hello Jedi by Fan Girl (25)
  • Amidala, art by Sandra Scholes (27)
  • Receiving Orders by Cheryl Pryor (28)
  • Tale of the Sith by Belea T. Keeney (33)
  • Sith-O-Man: Force, We Were Wrong, filk to the tune of "Piano Man," by Lindsay Miller (35)
  • The Gerster Affair by Marti Schuller (36)
  • Ood Bnar: Special Branch by Jason Grant (44)
  • I'm Just Talking 'Bout Tonight, filk by Deborah Kittle (47)
  • True Colors by Judy Ebberley (48)
  • Delusions of Grandeur by Danielle Millerd (57)
  • Tatooine by Kate Birkel (58)
  • Leonard Maltinseque's Holovision Guide by Smelly Staff (66)
  • Reflections on My Sith Apprentices, poem by Belea T. Keeney (71)
  • Amidala, art by Sandra Scholes (73)
  • Waking Up by Cindy Olsen (Part 1 in the Committed trilogy. After being rescued from Jabba the Hutt, Han Solo struggles with the after-effects of hibernation sickness and realises he still has some waking up to do. The story continues in Committed.) (74)
  • The Lost Crown of Alderaan by Z.P. Florian (90)
  • Palace Imperial by Lindsay Miller (99)
  • Amidala, art by Sandra Scholes (101)
  • The Jade Jedi by Marti Schuller (102)
  • Questions of Loyalty by Barbara Gardner (110)
  • Corellian Cookbook by Z.P. Florian (119)
  • Homegrown Special by J.P. Treleaven (122)
  • Wanted Poster by Danielle Millerd (129)
  • For Music Doth Soothe by Belea T. Keeney (131)
  • Jedi Justice by Valerie Vancollie (134)
  • Time to Forgive by Margaret Westphal (In nearly every post-ROTJ story, Han and Leia live in marital bliss. Let's suppose that wasn't the case. The following A.U. story looks at things in a different light.) (142)
  • You Don't Impress Me Much, filk by Deborah Kittle (159)
  • Padme, art by Sandra Scholes (161)
  • The Secret of the Sith by Marti Schuller (162)
  • Boba Fett, art by Sandra Scholes (174)
  • R2-D2, art (175)

Issue 9

front cover #9, Laura Quiles
back cover of issue #9, Liz

I Don't Care What You Smell 9 was published in May 2003 and has 185 pages.

The front cover is by Laura Quiles and the back cover by Liz. The interior art is by Kate, Sandra Scholes, Zyene, and Liz.

From the editorial by Marti:
Welcome to the omega issue of Smelly.

I realize I've been absent from this page, but Judy always did/does such a good job that I found I couldn't add anything relevant. So, most uncharacteristically, I followed the old adage my great grandmother caught me: If you have nothing to say, don't.

But here we are at the end of this grand adventure and I simply have to get in a few final words.

Foremost, I must thank Judy for including me on this fun, heart-in-my-throat, educational, enlightening (you get the idea) thrill ride. I was flattered then and 1 remain honored to have been a small part.

Next, I want to thank our contributors for their patience, understanding, and openness with my fledgling editorial efforts. It's been enjoyable (and often very interesting) getting to know and work with you all.

Now a quick word about the reprints of two of my own, and personal favorite, stories. Once more I'm honored that Judy chose to include these, especially because it was her memory of Sweet Nothing that fostered our initial meeting into the friendship 1 treasure today. I hope you will enjoy or re-reading them.

So, this is it. The ride is over. But the experience, the memory, and the friendships will remain with Thank you - one and all - especially you, Judy! May the Force be with you, always!!'. Peace, Marti
From the editorial by Judy:

I have learned over the years to never say never. I do know, for sure, that there will be no issues of Smelly or Imperium for next year. After that? Who knows? The biggest problem right now - and we're not the only editors to experience this - is that submissions just are not coming in. I don't know if this has to do with unhappiness over the new movies, the authors are bummed out, or putting stuff on the web has caused this problem. 1 do know that we don't have a lot of new writers. They much prefer to put their stuff on the web. But, things may change, you never know.

It has been fun and I've really enjoyed putting the zines together. 1 have met some of the most wonderful people through the zines and I hope to continue with their friendship. There just are so many people who have consistently appeared in the pages of these zines. I could never name them all and I fear if I tried, I'd leave someone out. I do want to thank all the authors and artists who have contributed material to us making our zines a delight to both the eyes and the mind.

I want to especially thank Marti for putting up with me. We make a good team. Another big thank you to Marie Treleaven and Deborah Kittle. You two have been simply awesome with your efforts on the Smelly madness each issue. It has been fun working with you on these and the one in this issue is one I think everyone will love.

Marti did mention that Sweet Nothing was more or less how our friendship started. It is an awesome story. If you haven't read it previously, you'll love it If you have, I'm sure you'll enjoy re-reading it It will always remain one of my favorite Star Wars stories. The same goes for Marti's other story One Magic Night. That goes for the other reprints. They are all worth re-reading. May the Force guide you on your journey through life! -- Judy

  • Jabba's Wall, filk to the tune of "Heather's Wall," by Deborah Kittle (1)
  • Sweet Nothing by Marti Schuller (2)
  • The Falcon, filk to the tune of "Rhiannon, by Fleetwood Mac," by Angel (15)
  • Bridge Out by Deborah Kittle & J.P. Treleaven (16)
  • Hot and Bothered byCindy Olsen 32)
  • Don't Cry, Little Princess, filk to the tune of "Don't Cry Little Child," by Valerie Vancollie (39)
  • With Friends Like These by Danielle Millerd (40)
  • Hot Dagobah Nights by Lady S.M. Pfeisteria (49)
  • Why Ain't I Gone?, filk to the tune by the same name by Garth Brooks, by Deborah Kittle (51)
  • Darth Paco: Last (and Least) of the Sith by D.L. Slaten (52)
  • Complications on Itrurua by J.P. Treleaven (reprinted from A Tremor in the Force #7) (58)
  • Twins by Marti Schuller (74)
  • Bloodstripe by Skye Rutherford (102)
  • A Cold Day in Hell by Judith Ebberley (106)
  • The Meaning Behind the Names by Valerie Vancollie (119)
  • Ghost on This Base, filk to the tune of "Ghost in This House," by Deborah Kittle (121)
  • As Strangers Friends are Met by J.P. Treleaven (122)
  • The Hop, filk to the tune of "Taxi, by Harry Chapin," by Angel (137)
  • The Imperial Joke by Leela Starsky (138)
  • A Brief Time to Talk by Mary Jo Fox (159)
  • One Magic Night by Marti Schuller (160)
  • Darth Vader by Nancy Stasulis (185)

Issue 10

front cover #10, Nancy Stasulis
back cover of issue #10, Nancy Stasulis - portrays the zine editors Marti Schuller (with the glasses) and Judith Yuenger (with the pitchfork) in an art imitation of American Gothic

I Don't Care What You Smell 10 was published in May 2005 and has 244 pages. The covers are by Nancy Stasulis, and the interior art is by Laura Quiles and A.G. Steyn.

  • The House on Vader Hill, story by M.J. Mink (1)
  • Meant to Be, filk by Deborah Kittle (16)
  • M.A.S.H. in Space, cartoon by A.G. Steyn (17)
  • Who's the Daddy, story by Deborah Kittle and J.P. Treleaven (18)
  • Shoppers Like Us, filk by Deborah Kittle (29)
  • The Red Bead of Courage, story by A.G. Steyn (30)
  • A Jedi's Chances, filk by A.G. Steyn (40)
  • Rash!, story by Judy Ebberly (41)
  • Sorcerer's Apprentice, cartoon by A.G. Steyn (52)
  • Desperately, filk by Deborah Kittle (53)
  • A Lesson in Anatomy, story by A.G. Steyn (54)
  • I Am Fighting the Empire, filk by Lelila (57)
  • Here Comes the Bride, cartoon by A.G. Steyn (59)
  • The One Where the Scoundrel Go Away (title in the table of contents), The One Where the Scoundrel Got Amnesia (title on the story itself) by D.L. Slaten (60)
  • Unbreak My Heart, filk by Deborah Kittle (78)
  • Sorcerer's Apprentice, cartoon by A.G. Steyn (79)
  • Pregnancy Woes, story by A.G. Steyn (80)
  • The Earring, story by Z.P. Florian (93)
  • Sorcerer's Apprentice, cartoon by A.G. Steyn (95)
  • Facsimile, story by M.J. Mink (96)
  • Fan-Fic Blues, cartoon by A.G. Steyn (101)
  • Whooyah, story by Deborah Kittle and J.P. Treleaven (102)
  • You Don't Know What Lonesome Is, filk by A.G. Steyn (111)
  • Intergalactic Spam, by the Smelly Staff (112)
  • Chains of Command, story by Barbara Gardner and Veronica Wilson (120)
  • Sorcerer's Apprentice, cartoon by A.G. Steyn (227)
  • Swamped, story by A.G. Steyn (228)
  • Padawan Blues, filk by A.G. Steyn (244)

Issue 11

cover #11, Marla Fair

I Don't Care What You Smell 11 was published in 2006 and has 283 pages. It has a front cover by Marla Fair. Art by A. G. Steyn, Nadya Whitham, Laura Quiles, Naveega, Marla Fair, Steph Swanger, Amanda Hitchcock and Zawiah Zainudin.

  • Exchanging Places by Mary Sue
  • My Best Friends by Deborah Kittle
  • Truth or Dare by Valerie Vancollie
  • GI:CS:Endor by Deborah Kittle and J. P. Treleaven
  • Birthday Celebration by Mary Jo Fox
  • Vader Vista by M. J. Mink
  • Remnant Evil by Barbara Gardner
  • Magician's Assistant by Mary Sue
  • Scent of a Wookiee by D.L. Slaten
  • A Conversation Over Drinks by Mary Jo Fox
  • Stand by Deborah Kittle
  • Letters from the Dark Side by Marla Fair
  • The Jedi in Me by Deborah Kittle
  • Endless Night by Mary Sue
  • Blind Ambitions by Mary Sue


  1. ^ from a letter of comment in "I Don't Care What You Smell" #1
  2. ^ from a letter of comment in "I Don't Care What You Smell" #1
  3. ^ from a letter of comment in "I Don't Care What You Smell" #1
  4. ^ from a letter of comment in "I Don't Care What You Smell" #1
  5. ^ from a letter of comment in "I Don't Care What You Smell" #1
  6. ^ from a letter of comment in "I Don't Care What You Smell" #1
  7. ^ from a letter of comment in "I Don't Care What You Smell" #1
  8. ^ from a letter of comment in "I Don't Care What You Smell" #1
  9. ^ from a letter of comment in "I Don't Care What You Smell" #1
  10. ^ See "Penthesilean" in Night of the Twin Moons for an similar early Star Trek: TOS fic.
  11. ^ from a letter of comment in "I Don't Care What You Smell" #3
  12. ^ from a letter of comment in "I Don't Care What You Smell" #3
  13. ^ from a letter of comment in "I Don't Care What You Smell" #3
  14. ^ from a letter of comment in "I Don't Care What You Smell" #3
  15. ^ from a letter of comment in "I Don't Care What You Smell" #3
  16. ^ from a letter of comment in "I Don't Care What You Smell" #3
  17. ^ from a letter of comment in "I Don't Care What You Smell" #3
  18. ^ from a letter of comment in "I Don't Care What You Smell" #3
  19. ^ from a letter of comment in "I Don't Care What You Smell" #3
  20. ^ from a letter of comment in issue #4
  21. ^ from a letter of comment in issue #4
  22. ^ from a letter of comment in issue #4
  23. ^ from a letter of comment in issue #4
  24. ^ from a letter of comment in issue #4
  25. ^ from a letter of comment in issue #4
  26. ^ from a letter of comment in issue #4
  27. ^ from an LOC in issue #5
  28. ^ from an LOC in issue #5
  29. ^ from an LOC in issue #5
  30. ^ from an LOC in issue #5
  31. ^ from an LOC in issue #6
  32. ^ from an LOC in issue #6
  33. ^ from an LOC in issue #6
  34. ^ from an LOC in issue #6
  35. ^ from an LOC in issue #7
  36. ^ from an LOC in issue #7
  37. ^ from an LOC in issue #7
  38. ^ from an LOC in issue #7
  39. ^ from an LOC in issue #7
  40. ^ from an LOC in issue #8
  41. ^ from an LOC in issue #8
  42. ^ from an LOC in issue #8
  43. ^ from an LOC in issue #8