All that you can't leave behind

Personal Fanfiction Website
Website:	All that you can't leave behind
Author:	Abaddon
Dates:	26 June 2002 - 2005 or later
Fandom:	Evangelion, Harry Potter, West Wing, X-Men, Babylon 5, BtVS, AtS
URL:	http://www.angelsabyss.net/ (Wayback link, 2004)
Intro page. After the intro page came a warning page with a "Queer space ahead" warning and after that the main page.
Click here for related articles on Fanlore.

All that you can't leave behind was a personal fanfiction site. It was listed as a Harry Potter slash author page at Veela Inc.

The fiction hosted on this site is primarily slash, in a variety of genres. Some fics do contain het pairings, however, and all fics are marked. Fandoms include: Harry Potter, Neon Genesis Evangelion, X-Men, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel: the Series, the West Wing, and Babylon 5.

Fics archived may also include explicit sexual content, adult themes, rape, abuse and general nastiness. If you don't like that, stay away from those fics.

Of course, this is all predicated on the fact you're at least willing to tolerate slash. Which means male/male pairings. If you're not...why did you go past the warning? ^_^

Neon Genesis Evangelion

Fallen Angel - "What follows is my so-called ‘red curtain’ trilogy of Kaworu/Shinji fics. Although each is intended to be read separately, and can be understood quite easily without having read the other two, they each explore a different aspect of the K/S relationship, and as such, it’s better if you can read all three. A reasonably fluffy, bittersweet multi-chapter epic AU. Taking Episode 24 as its starting point, it asks “What would have happened had Kaworu chosen to stay with the man he loved?” My very first piece of fanfic. Warning: contains Asuka being a bitch and Rei acting strangely (ie., being themselves)" Rating: R. Prologue | Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Epilogue

Wounded God - It initially starts off quite canon, exploring the exact circumstances of Kaworu and Shinji’s brief time together. What exactly did happen that night at Kaworu’s house? Violent/sad AU ending. Rating: R. Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five

Broken Soul - Ironically, the most canon fic of all three is the one in which the only totally original character is introduced. No, its not a Mary Sue (if Jonathan is modeled upon me, I would be very scared of myself), but essentially it asks: exactly where did Kaworu come from before Episode 24? And what of those others he left behind? Rating: R. Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four

Harry Potter

One Shots

main page

need. My very first piece of HP fanfic. Harry considers his attitude towards Draco. Angsty smut, rated R.

dreaming of salvation. 2A two-handed affair, it’s essentially character profiles of how I originally conceived Harry and Draco. A lot has changed since then. Rated R, and featuring raping bastard!Lucius in a cameo.

the way he makes me feel: Harry

his father’s son: Draco

talk tonight. It’s the darkest days of the War, and Harry is looking desperate. What can pull him back from the brink? Rated PG-13 for mild slash, this remains one of my few fic that I actually have consistently liked.

the power of goodbye. The very unofficial sequel to talk tonight, it’s ‘blow job in a cab’ scene seems to have enshrined me amongst certain elements of fandom. Hmm. Definitely rated R.

watching from the sidelines. One of the few things I’ve written that isn’t Harry/Draco. It’s Harry/Seamus, and PG-13 fluff, although the presence of the always disturbing Creevy brothers does help to darken it a bit. Colin guest stars as narrator.

the dying of the light. A small Harry/Draco ficlet I wrote. Intellectual semi-smut, rated PG-13. Go figure.

submission. The real stuff. NC-17 smut, with just a dash of kink and a nice twist. Inspired by the Lady of Shalott’s ‘Weather’ sequence. Enjoy.

acceptance. sequel to submission. NC-17, with even more kink. Threesome in the showers; polyjuice!fic. Ron gets a rather close look at the dynamic between Harry and Draco.

smoke. After railing at people who wrote Ron/Draco/Harry for a year, I wrote one myself. It is however, not smut, although there is major sex references. Merely Ron angsting over his past…and his future. Rated R, and inspired by missbreed (one line here is hers, not mine.)

smoke II - city. Sequel to smoke. Draco's POV on the same twisted triangle, and what better guide than self-denial? [Harry/Draco, Draco/Ron, angst, R.]

Reason #287 why Book 5 is so slow; or How I Suppressed My Inner Slasher, by J.K. Rowling. A completely shameless parody/humour!fic in which my true hatred of Dan Radcliffe and that film makes itself known. Also includes depicting J.K.R. in a most interesting light. Much slash. PG-13. part one. / part two.

behold the man. Bitter smut. Percy Weasley. Marcus Flint. Oliver Wood. Love is a tricksome bitch. NC-17 for a reason. [The M/P is based on an rp with Kym.]

after the fact. Sometimes, you have to ask forgiveness. And sometimes, the truth is too painful to hear. A sad Harry/Draco. PG-13.

monday in the cafe with joanne. PG-13, AU, slightly angsty H/D fluff. A look into how JKR might have gotten her inspiration.

darkness abides. An extremely dark and twisted Draco POV piece, and rated R/NC-17 for imagery. What would Draco do if he can't get what he wants? [Harry/Draco, Draco/Ron.] Inspired by missbreed.

just the thing. Disco!seduction!fic! [with added Kylie Minogue, plus Seamus and Ron being flagrantly gay.] Actually sad in a small way, rated R. The consequence of celebrity, and how to deal when you want doesn't last. [Harry/Draco, Harry/Other.]

afternoon gaze. A hideously stupid fic I wrote for Harry's birthday, rated R. [Harry/Draco, vague fluff, and my god it's sappy.]

an oral fixation. Percy muses about giving head to Oliver. It's actually kind of deep. Rated R.

to have and to hold. A fic set in first year. We all know what the Sorting Hat said to Harry, but what did it say to Draco? Initially written for Into the Woods, it's since then become non-canonical for ItW. [Harry/Draco.]

indian summer. A very strange arcane fic that I wrote for an Armchair challenge. I'm clearly attempting to be all deep and meta, but I have no fucking clue what I'm actually saying. [Harry-centric, hints of H/D.]

come undone. Written for Rube. My take on the possibilities for Lucius/Harry. Very dark, very twisted and typically fucked up. [Harry/Draco, Lucius/Harry, rated R.]

breaking up the girl. Originally inspired by a conversation with Cassie Claire, it also emerged out of a wish for me to write explicit het. Everyone has a secret. And everyone plays a role. How can you win when you've lost everything you had? [Harry/Hermione, Draco/Hermione, Ron/Pansy, Harry/Draco subtext, rated NC-17.]

got to get you into my life. I started thinking about H/G as a ship, and this is what happens. "Harry needed. Just as much as she did." [Harry/Ginny, PG-13.]

ghost story. The quality of mercy is not strained...what is the price of justice and who is asked to pay it? [Harry/Draco, post-OotP, angst, PG-13.]

scenes from a warzone. "Because if you died, well. Who else would I manage to bicker and have unresolved sexual tension with?" [Harry/Draco, post-OotP, warfic, NC-17.]

the finer things. Men will be men, women will be women and never the twain shall meet. [Ginny/Cho, post-OotP, fluff/sap, PG-13.]

there all the honour lies. They were outnumbered, they were outclassed and they were led by Harry Potter. [Harry/Draco, post-OotP, angst, death, PG-13.]

the force of history. Our pasts define us in the end, whether we want them to or not. [Remus/Sirius, set pre-OotP, drama, PG-13.]

these dreams. Be careful what you wish for. You may get it. [Harry/Sirius, Remus/Sirius, Harry/Draco, post-OotP, dark, NC-17.]

the gospel according to... Draco Malfoy always remembered his first brush with fame. [Draco-centric, hint of Harry/Draco, PG-13.]

tomorrow. Some things defy explanation. A story of life, love and Quidditch (but not necessarily in that order) this is one of them. [Marcus/Oliver, PG-13.]

becoming. To sum him up in one word, Draco Malfoy hated. A sort of a reverse to the gospel according to..., exploring Draco's character from a different perspective. [Draco-centric, gen, set after OotP. PG-13.]

perfect. Be a good boy. Try a little harder. You've got to measure up. [Gen, PG-13.]

all that is desired. /What do you want?/ Potentially ItW-verse, it's the Babylon 5/HP crossover that isn't. [Diary-fic, Percy/Oliver. PG-13]

everybody loves you now. "Learn children, and don't be a lesbian with committment issues or you too will end up like this." Hermione never had a Prince Charming. [Ron/Hermione, Hermione/Ginny, R.]

the manly art of gentle seduction. When Percy wants something, he first has to figure out how to get it. [Percy/Penelope, Percy/Oliver, R.]

watching. Terence has a hobby. Terence is not a nice boy. Terence is actually rather creepy. [Percy/Oliver, Percy/Penelope, PG-13.]

gryffindor pride. Seamus. Oliver. (And sadly, Justin.) Because we all know Seamus is a fanboy at heart. [Seamus/Oliver, R.]

love at first sight. It was a mystery to the wizarding world, and the wizarding world did not like mysteries. Sort of a not-sequel to scenes from a warzone. [Harry/Draco, not-quite-fluff, PG-13.]

waiting for that day. They were in the Library, as people often tended to be when they were studying. [Ron/Hermione, Seamus/Dean, fluff, PG-13.]

when love comes to town. There were times, Seamus decided, when being him sucked. [eventual Seamus/Dean, R. set during OotP.] part one. / part two. / part three. / part four. / part five.

acts. that's the way the story ends. a very anti-h/d h/d fic. [Harry/Draco, R.]

arcadia. there but for the grace of god go I. [Harry/Draco, PG-13.]

into the west. because all stories have an ending, and every myth has some truth to it. [HP/Arthurian crossover, gen, PG-13.]

the art of make believe. we could be heroes. just for one day. [HP/BtVS crossover, gen-ish, PG-13]

inside. love is annihilation. [Remus/Sirius, R.]

too long a sacrifice. 'tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow creeps this petty pace from day to day.' Remus, cleaning, and a house that wants to die. [Remus/Sirius, PG-13.]

when i grow up. written for the first time bad sex challenge. [Draco/Blaise, R.]

queen of hollywood. domestic harmony at its lowest. [Tom/Ginny, Hermione/Ginny, R.]

the very thought of you. this fairytale is dead and her Prince Charming is nowhere to be found. [Tom/Ginny, Ginny/Harry, R.]

nevermore a butterfly. he who fights monsters invariably becomes one. [Tom/Ginny, Tom/Harry, R.]

a handful of dust. he fades into the distance like wallpaper, like furniture, and bides his time. [Harry/?, R.]

summertime. summertime, and the living is easy...the not-sequel to a handful of dust. [Harry/?, R.]

Sequences

Sometimes, it takes a little longer to say goodbye…the resting place of my three completed fic sequences: Sweet Dreams, moon river and Follies.

the 'Sweet Dreams' sequence. Rated PG-13, this three story sequence is a fable of loss, grief and acceptance, set after the War. Voldemort has been defeated, but at what price? Three times, a journey is made to a well-worn grave; three times, a young man’s heart is spilled open. Slash: [H/D] [Series complete] I wrote Empty after getting the idea out of the blue mid 2001; and a week later, the completely unintended sequel, Enough demanded to be written. However, as it ended a lot more ambiguously than I originally intended, it seemed fairly obvious that one more trip to the graveyard [Eternity] would be needed to finally say goodbye.

• Empty
• Enough
• Eternity

the 'moon river' sequence. “In the last battle of the War, The Boy Who Lived faced the Dark Lord and was thrown down. In order to continue his existence, Voldemort took Harry’s flesh for his own, and the two became one. This new entity, more powerful and terrible than either overran Europe quickly with his followers, and the Resistance was quickly snuffed out. America was bought off with a non-aggression treaty, and the new Dark Lord made the former school of Hogwarts his palace. He refused to be called by any name except his title; although his cruelty and sadism soon garnered him a nickname amongst his suppressed peoples. They called him the Beast.” ~The Chronicles of the Dark Lord, volume XXVII ‘moon river’ like ‘Sweet Dreams’ is Harry/Draco, and an exploration of a future AU; but there the similarity ends. A very deliberate, intense darkfic, inspired by of all things the songs of Frank Sinatra; this sequence deals with the darkness that lies inside Harry’s soul, and how love can bind people tightly and more cruelly than hate. Rape, bloodsport, psychological torture, suicide, murder all make this a very justified NC-17. [Series complete] There are no happy endings here.

• i've got you under my skin
• something stupid
• love's been good to me
• moon river
• what now my love?

the 'Follies' sequence. Less overtly depressing than 'Sweet Dreams' and not nearly as brutal as 'moon river', 'Follies' (inspired by Stephen Sondheim) explores the choices and compromises we make throughout our lives. What happens to the road you didn't take? [Series complete] Slash and het warnings, rated PG-13.

• Who could be blue?
• Little white house
• Pleasant little kingdom

Into the Woods

Home of the 'Into the Woods' sequence: playing the game, living the lie, the prequels bohemian rhapsody, and cowboys and angels, and their two sequels lies within. A major WiP.

Started on the 1st of October 2001, it was meant to be a self-contained H/D story – roughly 12 chapters, and essentially in response to a lot of the established H/D that already existed.

However, once work on playing the game, living the lie began, I quickly realised that the scope was too large for just one fic, and that a sequel would be needed, and in turn, it too would need a sequel.

In addition, I was writing major elements of backstory into playing the game, hints of events from the Marauders era and before, choices and loves and betrayals that created the world I now found myself in. And so, after much thought, I decided that every story has a beginning: the backstory became a fic in its own right, bohemian rhapsody.

The entire sequence is titled 'Into the Woods', and is comprised of five 'Acts'. Each 'Act' has a literate/temporal 'theme', and a particular place in the chronology. Each 'Act' also comprises one complete fic. The theatrical terminology and references are used for purely stylistic reasons: the sequence is prose, not drama.

Warning: this sequence will include heterosexual and homosexual pairings (explicitness of varying levels) as well as associated dark arts nastiness.

• A Beginning: the end of history [June 1945] - complete
• Act One: Introduction [bohemian rhapsody, 1950-1981] - complete
• Act Two: Past Prologue [cowboys and angels, 1981-1996] - complete
• Act Three: Present Tension [playing the game, living the lie, 1996-1997] - complete
• Act Four: Future Imperfect [children of the revolution, 1997-2000] - coming soon
• Act Five: Afterword [untitled fic, 2000-2020] - coming soon
• Appendices: The supplemental fics - in progress

Other Fandoms

numb. Sometimes the things you most wish for are not to be touched. [X-Men, film. Bobby/John. NC-17.]

prodigal. blessed be the peacemakers, for they shall be the children of god. [X-Men: film, Bobby/John, NC-17.]

habeas corpus. Abbey can be stubborn. Fortunately C.J. can be more so. [West Wing, set during Season 3. Gen, hint of femslash. PG-13.]

buried treasures. Delenn and John weren't the only ones to be tested. [Babylon 5, set during 'Comes the Inquisitor. Susan/Talia. PG-13.]

into the west. because all stories have an ending, and every myth has some truth to it. [HP/Arthurian crossover, gen, PG-13.]

the art of make believe. we could be heroes. just for one day. [BtVS/HP crossover, gen-ish, PG-13.]

Manifesto

Manifesto

Here may be found a collection of rants, arguments and vague attempts at dissertations at various aspects of fandom behaviour, authorial intent), and Harry Potter canon.

Why I Write: somewhat outdated now, but the manifesto that was first archived, as an explanation for this site

Abaddon's Guide to Writing Hot Gay Sex: I think the title is largely self explanatory.

the state of the (dis)union: an exploration of the competing and conflicting attitudes towards extended fanfic, pairings and the like, and essentially an argument for epic as a genre, and against the notion of OTPs.

musings on OoTP: including why OotP = best canon ever!!11!!one.

why anti-slash = anti-gay: a rant, pure and simple. Excerpt:

3. I don't like het.

There. I've said it. I dislike reading het fic, often. I write it, and I will read it, but generally speaking I avoid it. And in saying that, I am saying something completely different to 'I dislike slash.' Because in saying you dislike slash what you're saying is that you want to avoid the portrayal of gay people in a positive and normative light. You don't want to read fic that (shock horror) treats gay people as just as regular and worthy of interest as heterosexuals. You would prefer to exist in a normative heterosexual world - the way we mostly live in - where you can assume everyone is straight like you, and you don't have to deal with anything else. In comparison, if I say 'I dislike het' I'm saying this from a position of weakness and disenfranchisement. I am the opressed homosexual. I live in a normative heterosexual world. What I'm saying with that statement is that I am sick of living in my normative heteosexual world. Everywhere I go, everywhere I turn, heterosexuality is represented as the privellged state. That which is normal, but that which I am not. In order to be treated as who I am, I must express openly and articulate my homosexuality. In doing so, I state my existence as outside the norm and invite myself to be treated and seen differently. This isn't fair, of course, so forgive me that I don't like het sometimes. I get enough of it in the fucking world I live in. Heterosexuality cannot be blocked because its the norm, so me not reading het has no great effect. I'm hardly about to escape heterosexuality. But homosexuality, because it exists as the other, as an underground (as it were) as something which cannot be conceived of unless it is made explicit, can be shut out and escaped from. If you choose not to read slash fic.

So, yes, the blanket statement of 'I dislike slash' is homophobic no matter how you interpret it. Because that's what it means.

on self-definition and writing: one author's (that is, my perspective) on how we write ourselves into our fic.

writing and pairings: an explanation of why I write what I write and who I write how. a follow up to the self-definition essay, and in many ways an update on the first manifesto.

OotP and female characters: an essay on the depiction of femininity in OotP.

the three faces of Harry: an exploration of Harry, Draco and Dudley, and their families.