Chalk and Cheese/Issues 11-15

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Issue 11

cover of issue #11, TACS

Chalk and Cheese 11 was published in 1992 (the zine itself is dated May 1991, which is a typo). Art by TACS (front cover), Corinna Hansen, Baravan, Karen Eaton, Janet Cruickshank, H. Ann Walton, and Suzan Lovett.

From the editorial:

Well, here we are again with another issue of C&C. This issue is smaller than the previous ones, and there are several reasons for that: l) I've been siphoning off stories for my other Pros zines. The Hols of CI5 2 and Brit Shriek 2 . Therefore some of the stories that would have gone in here are now to be in those zines, and 2) submissions have dropped off. I've gotten more Quantum Leap stories in the past month than I've gotten in the past six months with Pros! Where has everybody gone?, the editor cries plaintively.

And while this zine is smaller (which means a smaller price!), what's here is quality work. Each author, poet and artist has given her best to provide you with an entertaining zine. And once more I've managed to get a colour insert from Suzi Lovett. It was to have appeared as the cover of a Pros zine, but another was chosen in its place and this went up for sale at Weekend in the Country Con, so I did some fast talking. I hope you enjoy it. And while reading Sandy Flore's "Silent Running," please envision an illo by Karen Eaton amongst its pages. Karen sent me the illo, which she had drawn for me at a moment's notice, but it never arrived and all we can figure out is that somewhere in Podunk, USA, there is a postal worker wondering at Doyle's... well, just use your imagination. For anyone with the computer service GEnie (run by General Electric, hence the unusual capitalization), my e-mail address is M.FRANK7 (no spaces). I've already run into several people there that I only knew through the mail or from cons. So if you're on GEnie, send me a letter and say hi. While reading Jane Mailander's "Dancing With Bulls," keep in mind the Theban bull-leaper pairs she pictured while writing:

Filos and Remos (Our Heroes)

Rozlun and Kikele (Roslyn and Cicely, Northern Exposure)

Nappoa and IIlium (Napoleon and Illya, Man from UNCLE)

Telm and Lussa (Thelma and Louise)

Kagne and Leke (Cagney and Lacey)

Predde and Konre (Praed and Connery, Robin of Sherwood)

Taurinos [David] and Kneth (Starsky and Hutch)

• Letters of Comment by D. Readers (1)
• Cartoon by Karen Eaton (7)
• What the Cow Hath Joined by Gena Fisher (8)
• Bodie's Book of Words to Live By Khrystyna (14)
• Cartoon by Jane Mailander (15)
• Play It Again, Bodie by Katy Deery (16)
• The Letter Long Unread by Baravan (18)
• Bodie's Book of Words to Live By Khrystyna (23)
• CI5CUS by Sandy Fiore (24)
• The Key to It All by Caroline Quinn (25)
• Cartoon by Jane Mailander (46)
• Prose In the News by Michelle Rosenberg (47)
• Before It's Too Late by H. Ann Walton (49)
• One With No Sail and One With No Rudder by Michelle Christian (50)
• To Sir With Love by H. Ann Walton (53)
• Silent Running by Sandy Fiore (55)
• Portrait in Black by Katy Deery (58) (This is the story with the Suzan Lovett illo.)
• Bodie's Book of Words to Live By by Khrystyna (77)
• The Perfect Pair by Vonne Shepard (78)
• Supporting Role by Terence (from the Building to Last Universe) (79)
• Bodie's Book of Words to Live By Khrystyna (83)
• Cartoon by Karen Eaton (84)
• Dances With Bulls by Jane Mailander (third of her Quanta Leap series in which Bodie and Doyle are transported to different times and places. In this case, it's back to ancient Crete and immersion into Minoan civilisation.) (85)
• Ladder of Swords by Michelle Christian (113)
• Cartoon by Karen Eaton (114)
• Oh, Teddy, My Teddy by Marcia Brin (115)

• 

  from issue #11, H. Ann Walton

• 

  from issue #11, Jane Mailander

• 

  from issue #11, Baravan

• 

  from issue #11, H. Ann Walton

• 

  from issue #11, Karen Eaton

• 

  from issue #11, Janet Cruickshank

• 

  from issue #11, Janet Cruickshank

• 

  from issue #11, Baravan

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 11

Mmm-mm! Love them pirates! can just imagine TACS' Bodie shouting "Arr, bring on the redhead!" as a mightily-swearing Doyle is tugged up onto the auction block...

More fine work by Karen Eaton. Poor Ray -- first he's Mrs Peel, and now he's Pussy Galore! But the "lasagna" one on page 84 just about killed me. The funniest part is that it feels perfectly in character for Bodie—you get the sneaking suspicion that that's how he would be if he and Ray were lovers, displaying all the romance and kinkiness of a fireplug: "If you love me, forget the whips, chains and gerbils — feed, me!" Was that just a coincidence of costume, or did Ray seem to be wearing a bull-leaper's kilt...?

"What the Cow Hath Joined" was a nice Cow's-eye-view of the Beginning of It All, even if it does fall back on the old Kate "Ice Bitch" Ross cliche — but I found it most memorable for the single arresting image of Bodie as "a perfectly dressed walking gun." And the casually erotic symbolism of the stereos (not side by side, you'll notice, but one on top of the other), a throwaway visual detail that emphasizes the theme of the story and shows that Gena Fisher knows her craft.

Nice Bodie by Baravan on page 25. Well, "naughty" Bodie would be more accurate... Another fine installment in Caroline Quinn's stories about Jamie. Good, straight-forward action stories that could almost be aired episodes.

"Portrait in Black" — a nice moody ghost story. The Lovett color print didn't hurt the story any, either. Another case of writing the story to the Lovett? (editor's comment - Nope, the Lovett just happened to fit the wonderful story.-)

"Supporting Role." My favorite story of the issue. What a delightful POV ~ Mrs Arris Goes to CI5, as it were! Stands to reason that even the chars Cowley picks for his people are the best of the lot. And what a good reminder that the small team of heroes are helpless without their vast support network. Reminds me of the Norman Rockwell painting of the Apollo 11 team; the many many faces of the ground control/the welders, the technicians, the computer operators, the chopper pilots — all leading up to the three men in the space-suite at the top, who get all the adulation and fame from the world. (Still, you'll notice that Doris is a CI5 char, with her own gun and a flash car—well, okay, a trank-gun for touchy pets and a station wagon for her supplies, but the idea's the same...)

For any of you that liked "Dances With Bulls," I recommend the novel I cribbed most of the information from: Mary Renault's The King Must Die. Part of the reason I wrote "Dances With Bulls" was so that, for once in a fan story, Doyle got to fight for Bodie's virtue; that bad-tempered wolverine gets shortchanged too often. And you can tell just how enamored I am of Prettv-Boy of Sherwood by the fact that I killed both of the show's Robin Hoods... By the way, did anybody catch the Monty Python reference? ("A pointed stick—" "Shut up!" A repeating phrase in one of their drill-sergeant sketches.) Or the Ghostbusters reference?

"Ladder of Swords" — good art by Janet Cruiksnank, and a beautiful poem by Michelle Christian.

"Oh, Teddy, My Teddy." Another drop-the-zine-and-die-laughing moment. Marcia, I salute you. Give Dani Lane a kiss from me, too. What a fine way to remove the saccharine aftertaste of those tooth-rotting teddy-bear stories! This is exactly what Bodie would do with an adorable teddy bear.

Karen Eaton's James Bond cartoon had me — and all four of my roommates at Virgule — rolling around the floor of our room in hysterics! It was wonderful!

The Suzi Lovett colour insert was lovely. I only wish that I'd been able to afford one of the pieces of her work that went at auction.

TAC's cover was great. I can only imagine that Bodie the pirate is leering at a naked Doyle somewhere out of the picture.

"Dances with Bulls" and "Portrait in Black" were my favourite fiction pieces. Thank you, Mysti, for providing the character key for the Mailander piece. I can't wait to see where the Quanta Leap universe goes next. I admire Katy Deery's ability to sketch characters. Robert and Daniel seemed almost alive—even if they were ghosts.

"What the Cow Hath Joined" was also very nice. I particularly liked the part where Cowley asked Bodie how he felt about Roes' comment that Bodie and Doyle were more than just good friends.

I'd liked to have seen an illo of "Silent Running." The look on Cowley's face must've been priceless.

I received Chalk and Cheese 11 and it was wonderful. The story quality has only gotten better with each issue.

The artwork in general was great. I love Karen Eaton's cartoons and due to Jane Mailander, have embarked upon Bloom County with a passion. Suzan Lovett's artwork is, as always, gorgeous.

The story, "Portrait in Black," that Suzi illustrated is excellent. A nice twist on the usual ghost possession stories.

Terence's Building to Last Universe story was also excellent. Telling it from other points of view is great. However, I must admit that when it is one or the other (Bodie or Doyle) who are telling the story, I love it most. The feelings and emotions each one conveys is wonderful.

The whole issue was excellent and in line with your usual standards. Well done!

I really liked the Building to Last story in C&Cll. so many stories seem to ignore the necessity for auxiliary personnel in any organization.

I found Kate Ross' opinion of the pairing very believable in "What the Cow Hath Joined". The way Cowley reacted is the way I'd hope it would happen.

The Christian story, "One With No Sail...", is the second story to mention Makepeace and Dempsey, and as I seem to have missed the original [series]. I am a little lost by the references, but the stories are enjoyable, anyway....

"Silent Running" had me in stitches because streaking was a fad here (in Richmond, Va.) and at the time, my friends and I could not think of a good reason for it. Finally, someone has come up with one. I felt "Portrait in Black" was somewhat disjointed while I was reading it, but it holds together when I think about it now.

"Dances with Bulls" and "The Key to It All" are enjoyable reading and the continuing storylines enhance the pleasure.

I loved "Oh, Teddy, Hy Teddy" and could just see Ray's face after Bodie's last sentence.

Linda Terrell's comments in the Letters of Comment about plagiarism started to bother me until I read the entire section. I agree with her final two paragraphs and I also object to the idea of fannish writing not being "real writing." Anything which is worked on and reworked as much as what goes into most fanzines is "real writing" in ay opinion. After all, if you are only going to copy someone else's story and/or complete plotline, where is the effort involved? That is what xeroxing is for, and that is not what I consider "writing," real or otherwise. I also only consider it to be "borrowing" and not "stealing" if the borrower's permission is obtained first. This applies to writing as well as the traditional cup of sugar. This is my opinion, but I bet most fans do agree with it.

On C&C11: congratulations to Jane Mailander. She's had the best story in the zine twice in a row. I'm definitely getting hooked on her series. "Dances with Bulls" has comedy, suspense and excitement; very well balanced. Her cartoons had me snickering, especially "Two Left Feet." Wish I could draw.

I also enjoyed "What the Cow Hath Joined," but would have liked to have seen some of the more colorful metaphors edited out. While they were nicely phrased and painted pretty pictures, they jarred one out of the storyline. (Kind of like a choker chain being pulled taut.) The one about the paperwork running across the desk was especially out of place as it gives a comedie feel to a tense scene.

"One With No Rudder...". Nice to see Dempsey show up. I love crossovers.

"Portrait in Black" was another one I enjoyed, but felt needed more work. It felt long and drawn out, although I can't really say where it could be shortened. The relationship as she left it, built on fear of loss and emotional blackmail, could never survive. I would like to have seen a hint of repressed desire earlier in the story.

"Supporting Role"--nice seeing life in CI5 from someone else's point of view. I really enjoy Terence's stories.

With the obvious exception of one, I wasn't really excited by any of the poetry. I'm afraid I just can't see "To Sir With Love." I think I'm missing something with "Ladder of Swords." Is it from another show? I don't see a tie-in with Professionals.

I love the stark, black and white erotica throughout the zine, especially the Doyle on page 98. Suzi Lovett'a work is always to die for. I like TAC's cover, but I still think she make's Bodie's face too long. His face is square, not oval.

I'm not sure whether it's a compliment to the zine or not, but I find I'm reading the LoCs before the stories. I like these people, they're smart and have something interesting to say. In most zines, the LoCs just get in the way.

Congratulations, Mysti, your zine is a work of art unto itself. Is the 12th helping ready yet?

[zine]:

I received Chalk and Cheese 11 and it was wonderful. The story quality has only gotten better with each issue. The artwork in general was great. I love Karen Eaton's cartoons and due to Jane Mailander, have embarked upon Bloom County with a passion. Suzan Lovett's artwork is, as always, gorgeous.

And the story in which her artwork was placed, "Portrait in Black" by Katy Deery, is excellent. A nice twist on the usual ghost possession stories.

Terence's Building to Last universe story was also excellent. Telling it from other points of view is wonderful. However, I must admit that when it is one or the other (Bodie or Doyle) who are telling the story, I love it most. The feelings and emotions each one conveys is wonderful.

The whole issue was excellent and in line with your usual standards. Well done!

Issue 12

cover of issue #12, Kate Nuernberg

Chalk and Cheese 12 was published in May 1993, is 152 pages long and contains 28 stories, poems puzzles cartoons, and illustrations. Art by Deb Walsh, H. Ann Walton, and Kate Nuernberg (front cover).

flyer for issue #12

From the editorial

I'll probably mark 1993 as the year I bought a computer I didn't have time to learn how to use. My sisters kept telling me that I was stuck in a rut, but I liked my old 286 Tandy. It was familiar and comfortable, like an old pair of jeans you can't bear to throw out. I knew how to use the programs it contained, and was extremely reluctant to try something new. But I was finally tempted to start playing with Pagemaker (a program not for the easily annoyed, as it's a bit difficult to figure out sans manual) and have progressed to the point where every story title in this zine was done on the new computer. (Not the stories themselves, mind you. That comes later. After I've taken a class or three on Pagemaker.) But the major advantage to this upgrade is that I can now accepts submissions on high and low density disks. So all you nice folk who send your subs in on disk don't have to scrounge around for low density disks anymore. I'm in seventh heaven.

• Letters of Comment D. Readers (2)
• Judgement by Dee (7)
• Bodie's Book of Words to Live By Khrystyna (11)
• We're Going to Danteland! by Jane Mailander ("The fourth of her Quanta Leap series in which Bodie and Doyle are set down in another time and place, this time in Dante's Hell.") (12)
• Bodie's Book of Words to Live By by Khrystyna (22)
• Cartoon by Karen Eaton (23)
• A Death in the Family by K. Ann Yost (24)
• The Domino Theory by Sue Wells (28)
• Cartoon by Khrystyna (38)
• Cartoon by Karen Eaton (39)
• It's All in the Report, Sir by Caroline Quinn (40)
• Upshots by Daniel Williams (43)
• Vicious Mercy by Sandra Fiore (44)
• Humerus by Debra Hicks (59)
• Foxhole on the Roof by Jane Mailander (65)
• Brick by Brick by Londa Pfeffer (66)
• Bodie's Book of Words to Live By Khrystyna (74)
• Triumvirate by Jane Mailander (75)
• 2,036 Days to Go by Michelle Christian ("Doyle visiting Fergus of The Crying Game in prison and seeing old friend Dil there.") (76)
• Insurance Policy by H.G. (80)
• Telepathy by Caroline Quinn (88)
• Bodie's Book of Words to Live By Khrystyna (101)
• Puzzled Openings by H. Ann Walton (102)
• First Step by Terence (from the Building to Last Universe) (105)
• Cartoon by Karen Eaton (112)
• Home Fires are Still Burning by Gena Fisher ("Set a few years in the future as Doyle returns home from five years' imprisonment after an op gone bad to find Bodie waiting for him with a surprise.") (113)
• The Nasal-Sprayin' Lesbian Blues by Michelle Christian (148)
• True Colours by Caroline Quinn (150)
• Bodie's Book of Words to Live By Khrystyna (152)

• 

  from issue #12

• 

  from issue #12

• 

  from issue #12

• 

  from issue #12

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  from issue #12

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  from issue #12

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 12

[2,036 Days]: The story in Chalk and Cheese that left me feeling that I'd rather not see it attempted at all than see it done badly.

[Insurance Policy]: Brief but good short story about the aftermath of an Operation Susie, what the lads were thinking, what they decided to do... I enjoyed this, and it left me wishing it was longer, which is always a good sign!

[zine]: The retrospective approach to "Danteland" worked, and could serve as a study guide to the original. "Home Fires" was cruel to the woman, but could almost be a textbook example of a woman clinging to an unsatisfactory relationship, rationalizing every step of the way. Have you heard the Country/Western song, "Cleopatra, Queen of Denial"? If you assume a strong slash relationship, Bodie is in character to the tv show - cold, mean and nasty, with a hint of guilt. That is, to the female character. Sorry, but to me, the zine Pros (as opposed to the tv Pros) are Starsky and Hutch with a British reincarnation, and the tv Pros respect women like they respect disposable tissues. Some will argue that fact by pointing to 'kill the love interest' stories. They never rang true to me, which is why I will have trouble accepting Highlander slash stories that coexist with the lifetime of Duncan's (now-killed-off) girlfriend, Tessa. That relationship was convincing.

[zine]:

Kate Nuernberg's Doyle cover. Yessss... The classical-good-looks guys are nice to look at, all right (Sam Beckett, Vince Terranova, Bodie), but nothing pierces my heart the way the worn lined faces do, the ones that are lived-in and in whose eyes hide sorrow (A1 Calavicci, Frank McPike, Doyle).

Lots of nice little stories in this issue. "Judgement," an evocative mood piece. "It's All in the Report, Sir" managed to be completely plausible and hilarious at the same time. So did "Humerus"—can just see Ray and DM conferring about how to keep Bodie busy and regain his sense of humour after the shooting. With "True Colours," the title gave away the ending for me; I know some of the weekend-warrior idiot types who do that for fun. And I adored the premise of "2,036 Days"—but then, I fell in love with The Crying Game. Dil's got good taste.

"Vicious Mercy"—Alas, true; it is kinder to kick the shit out of a person than to let someone else trample that person to death. And the whole sturm und drang is worth it for the story's punch line!

"Insurance Policy"—a good cosy. I like H.G.'s portrayal of the Boys very much—as unsentimental and unromantic as they ever were on screen, and at the same time hopelessly in love with each other. Now that's Romance!

"First Step"—ah, good. Murphy's back in the saddle again. I'm really enjoying the expansion of the characters in the BtL series—especially the non-Raven stories that focus on other people besides the Boys in Blousons; strange as it may seem, there are female media fans out there who do not go gaga over the minutiae of kittycat lore. (And who were not "offended" or "confused" when Terence committed the Pros fanfic mortal sin of using "William" instead of "Bodie"!) I'd advise her to keep up the good work, write what she wants, and not listen to what miffed cat-fans tell her to write.

"Telepathy"--of course, all scientists get this mad compulsion to Rule Ze Vorld with their diabolical technologies... I simply cannot see pragmatic, Calvinist Cowley accepting telepathy, even as a possibility, in the first place—much less allow such experiments to take up his department's valuable time. He'd more likely give the experimenters a stare through the hom- rims, and show them the door with a suggestion that they try the Hare Krishnas at the airport. "Home Fires Are Still Buming"-Sorry, I'll pass. This is the one story in #12 I disliked. If I want to read about cruel captors, imprisonment, woe and suffering, adorable Shirley-Temple-clone orphans and missing mothers, I'll read Uncle Tom's Cabin-at least that book does it right. Mary-Sue-I mean Maddy-called up my reaction to Sasha in Perestroika-nausea. And I am sick unto death of the "one of the boys is married, but she's a horrible bitch so let's kill her off or get rid of her quick" scenario in any kind of partner story. How much better to have incorporated change into what had taken place over five years—instead of having B & D joshing in the car the next day as if nothing had happened.

In other news; The Eaton cartoons on 39 and 112 had me howling, especially the "playin' dead" one; you'll notice Ray's still rarin' to go. And to think he called Bodie a "priapismic monster" (Ojuka Situation)... Also loved the "Lesbian Blues" poem, although the filker in me wanted to tinker with it a bit to fix the rhythm of the lines.

And now, all you fans of Beauty and the Beast, Phantom of the Opera and Georgette Heyer: Sit back, clutch your hankies and be swept away to another place and another time; a time of courtly intrigue and royal flirtations; a time of Romance... "The Clueless Pair" in this issue is dedicated to the Queen of Tarts—she knows who she is—who first suggested the premise.

[zine]:

The cover of C&C12 is terrific. There wasn't much artwork, but the zine doesn't seem to suffer from the lack of it. There are more than enough cartoons to fill the gap. I especially liked "UpShots," "Foxhole on a Rooftop" and "Bodie's Book of Words to Live By."

It was nice to see Caroline Quinn so busy. I liked all three stories, but especially 'True Colours." Gena Fisher's "Home Fires Are Still Burning" I read again before I put the zine down. I had a little trouble with Emily walking out so easily. Doormat or not, she had to be getting something out of the relationship, and I can't see her giving it up so easily.

I wasn't at all disappointed in the latest installment in the Building to Last universe. This plot turn shows promise. The question now is, has Terence finished with B&D? I know, find out next issue. Sigh... (-Terence says, "Absolutely not. I have at least five or six more stories left to tell in this universe... " Knowing her, this means we shall enjoy having BtL stories until well into the twenty-first century.-)

"Judgement" was a nice walk through Cowley's subconscious. Putting things in perspective, as it were. You can't be guilty for all of it, but you can't shrug it off, either. "Brick By Brick" was good. It's nice to see early stories.

I didn't see The Crying Game, so I didn't care much for "2,036 Days to Go." I felt it needed a lot more explanation.

'Triumvirate" was good.

'The Nasal-Sprayin' Lesbian Blues" reminds me of a story I was told a few years back about an Arizona hotel who booked an all-slash convention and a Christian convention at the same time. Poor hotel. Some people just have no sense of humor.

[zine]:

Thank goodness I'm a notoriously slow zine reader. So when I was getting over the flu a month after MediaWest, I had C&C12 to make me feel better.

I think this issue is one of the best you've ever done. I love the mix of humor and action, a very nice balance. The cover was great, Doyle with all his flaws, still looking sexy!

I think my favorite story was "Insurance Policy" by H.G. It was very realistic and very much in character. Love the ending; Cowley is a cagey devil and this is exactly what he'd do. I like the relationship between the agents and thought it reflected the series quite well.

Jane Mailander's "We're Going to Danteland" was a howl! This is the best chapter in the Quanta Leap series yet. Do the pirate story, Jane!

Glad to see Debra Hicks had done another DM story. I thought she'd abandoned Pros for WOW. I love Bodie and to see him at the mercy of DM and Penfold is just too much!

I think all the stories were way above par and everyone did an outstanding job. People like Sue Wells, Londa Pfeffer, Michelle Christian, Sandra Fiore and everyone else did a wonderful job and I hope they are busy at their WPs plotting out more adventures for our lads.

Looking forward to Lucky 13.

[zine]:

It's almost 2 am and I've just finished Chalk and Cheese 12. Fortunately, tomorrow's Saturday, so I don't have to get up and go to work.

Lovely job. I really enjoyed the whole zine.

I howled at Karen Eaton's "Playing Dead" cartoon. She just keeps on getting better.

Kate Nuernberg's cover is gorgeous. The 'killer angel' look. Sigh! Can you tell I'm a Doyle fan?

Deb Walsh is a treasure. Hold on to her (or at least get incriminating photos for blackmail purposes). My particular favorite of hers was Doyle on that dirtbike.

Lots and lots of lovely fiction this time. I'd have to say that my particular favorite was "Death in the Family." Ms. Yost has been watching the same episodes of Pros as I have- particularly the one where B&D are gassed on the motorway.

Cowley efficiently makes sure Doyle is okay, but he caresses an unconscious Bodie's face. I never got the feeling that it was sexual. I agree with Yost that the feelings between Bodie and Cowley are father and son.

"Home Fires Are Still Burning" was very intense, but nicely handled. It put our favorite characters through hell without getting nastily graphic about it. The pay-off was lovely and left me wishing the story hadn't ended so soon.

And I loved the humorous stories in the zine. There's nothing like a good guffaw to make you feel better. Debra Hick's latest Dangermouse story had a great scene when Bodie cracks up and charges the monster, growling. Also, the bit when he's bouncing up and down on the air bag.

Mailander's "We're Going to Danteland!" story was very nice and had a marvelous last line that left me laughing. I'd like to see a story on that one ('Barbara Cartland meets Quanta Leap').

"Vicious Mercy" had a great story, lovely character interactions and a great last line as well. I almost feel like apologizing to Ms. Fiore for killing Chris Atwood (-in "Tea and Sympathy" in C&C10-). Almost. It was a dirty job, but someone had to do it. And, no, I didn't get tired of Chris. It's just that the more I got to know him, the less I liked him. Then, too, the series took a couple of turns I didn't really expect. Anyway, the next thing I knew, he was dead.

H.G. was great, as usual. I liked the bit in "Insurance Policy" where the boys have been dabbling with triple think, then the author shows you that the Cow's been a half a dozen steps in front of them all the time. Very Cowley.

I'd like to urge our faithful readers to LoC the next issue (and every issue) of C&C. I love feedback-negative or positive, it's incentive to keep writing. And I'd venture to say that everyone else involved - editor, authors, poets, artists, etc. - feel the same.

Issue 13

cover of issue #13, Suzan Lovett. This was also used as inside art for Arabian Nights.

Some comments on the art, all from LoCs in "Chalk and Cheese" #14: "Well, it ain't exactly my favorite Lovett piece, and I'm not into the Arabian Nights schick (though the Pam Rose story did provide a nice fluffy Lansing-to-LAX read), but you gotta admit that is an awfully nice-lookin' horse."

And "Did I say lovely cover? Well, this one nearly got me into trouble. I was on my way to visit a friend when I picked the zine up from the post office and naturally wanted to read it at once. So I opened the envelope and the old lady sitting beside me nearly jumped out of her seat. I guess next time I'll look first before I open it in public, but I was used to the more 'chaste' covers from C&C and didn't suspect anything like it. Nonetheless, I love it!"

And "A Suzi Lovett cover to die for! Almost makes me wish I were more of a Bodie fan - except we see a heck of a lot more of Ray."

And "Liked the cover, but the bottom part (Doyle nude) should have been inside the zine; some of us have nosy relations and friends..."

Chalk and Cheese 13 was published in March 1994 and contains 159 pages.

It has art by Suzan Lovett (front cover), H. Ann Walton, Alex T. MacKenzie, and RAG.

The Lovett art that was posted with the online story can be seen here. Comparing the two images gives one an example of the differences in reproduction quality, display choices, and venue to which fanart is subject.

From the editorial:

At the eleventh hour, my printer cartridge decides it has fulfilled its life's work and gives up the ghost. I stare at it aghast-l only have two hours to print out the zine and get it to the copy shop. If I miss that deadline, they won't have the zine ready in time-after all, the con is only two days away! I frantically call the place where I bought my printer and where I've bought succeeding cartridges, only to discover they've been bought out by a large computer company which refuses to sell individual cartridges to the public; I must buy a crateful. Oh, I must, must I? Hanging up, I run for the yellow pages and start frantically dialing every store listed under COMPUTERS-PARTS AND SUPPLIES. Nineteen stores later, a friendly voice on the phone informs me that she can not only sell me a new cartridge, but she can refill my old orie for half that price! After I explain what a dire emergency it is, she agrees to come to me, bringing a cartridge with her for me to use while she fills up my old one at her store. I now wait on tenterhooks for her to arrive, watching the minutes pass by much too quickly.

[...]

The phone rings! Ah, the driver is having problems finding my apartment. No, no, it's left at Chi-Chi's and right after the second speed bump. Oh, please hurry, I've only got an hour and a half to go!

[...]

And I'm not quite sure what to make of the fact that all three of my sisters deserted me a week ago, refusing to come over or even talk to me on the phone. Could it be they've been through Pre-Con Frenzy just once too often? I wonder if they'll talk to me after the con... (Goddess, guys, am I that bad?)

[...]

What's that?! It's the doorbell! The driver is here with my refilled cartridge loaner! Listen, guys, hate to kvetch and run, but I've got a zine to put out. Take care and be nice to your momma. See you on the flip side!

• Cartoon by Karen Eaton (1)
• Letters of Comment by Y'all (2)
• Bodie's Book of Words to Live By Khrystyna (14)
• Off Hours by Mirenna 15)
• Domestic Bliss by Alex T. MacKenzie (16)
• Biscuits by Mandy Kipper (20)
• Bodie's Book of Words to Live By Khrystyna (27)
• Jungle Cats by Vonne Shepard (28)
• Kill!, cartoon by Jane Mailander (29)
• The Game by H. Ann Walton (30)
• Bodie's Book of Words to Live By Khrystyna (35)
• Silver Chain by Sandy Fiore (36)
• A Cloudy Day by Chris J. Ueberall (60)
• Cartoon by H. Ann Walton (61)
• Hang Ups by Caroline Quinn (62)
• Poor Ex-Mercenary, filk to the tune of "Poor Wayfarin' Stranger," by Chris J. Ueberall (65)
• The Londoner by Sue Wells (66)
• Bodie's Book of Words to Live By Khrystyna (81)
• Cartoon by Karen Eaton (82)
• Bodie, filk to the tune of "Annie," by Jane Mailander (83)
• Lay Down Your Mask by Ruby (84)
• Bodie's Book of Words to Live By Khrystyna (89)
• Betty's Lament, poem by Khrystyna (90)
• The Clueless Pair by Jane Mailander (fifth of her Quanta Leap series, in which Bodie and Doyle are zoomed into different times and places to solve a problem. This time out, it's into a Regency romance setting. More het than slash.) (91)
• Bodie's Book of Words to Live By Khrystyna (139)
• Discovered in a Graveyard by Chris J. Ueberall (141)
• Dancing Round the Truth by Terence (part 14 in the "Building to Last" universe) (142)
• Doyle's Book of Ruminations by Khrystyna (129)
• Cartoon by Karen Eaton (150)
• Ray of Sunshine, poem by Chris J. Ueberall (151)
• Dead Parrot Society by Gena "Spam" Fisher (152)
• Cartoon Karen Eaton (159)

• 

  from issue #13, Karen Eaton

• 

  from issue #13, Jane Mailander

• 

  from issue #13, H. Ann Walton

• 

  from issue #13, H. Ann Walton, "inspired by Donelan"

• 

  from issue #13, Rae Ann Weston

• 

  from issue #13, Alex T. MacKenzie

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 13

I very much enjoyed Chalk and Cheese 13 — some more than others, of course:

"Domestic Bliss" was an interesting way to get the boys together. It certainly seems true enough to those of us who work for governments who are trying to cut costs. But I admit to liking "Biscuits" better, where both of them had known they loved the other for some while and only in the kitchen making cookies does it come together for them both. The Game" was okay, but not really to my taste. Cut-throat-Monopoly doesn't touch me somehow. "Silver Chain," however, was fascinating. I happen to agree with Cowley on this, that demon possession is just not recognized, not that it no longer exists. Their solution might differ from what mine would be, but It was a good taut story and a good read. "Hang Ups" was a cute story. They really should know better than to give Cowley Ideas. And then comes 'The Londoner." I'm a Highlander fan also, so this story was really enjoyable for me. The emotional reactions of Bodie, to his Immortality, and Doyle, to his knowledge of Bodie's Immortality, seemed very true to the personalities I've come to know. Very good. "Lay Down Your Mask" I thought had an interesting premise. Getting together over the phone without any actual touching, just emotional involvement, was a new idea for me. Then came "The Clueless Pair." I always enjoy these time-and-universe-hopping stories. And this one was no exception. It was a well-chosen time period for the story and having Ray tell some of their adventures to the stable hands was a good touch. However, having him turn into a cockroach at the end was awful... "Dancing Around the Truth" came next and the Building to Last stories are always good. This one brought up a rather serious situation and resolved it rather well, I thought.

Then lastly, "Dead Parrot Society," which was quite funny, if a bit on the silly side.

Well, [the cover art for C&C13] ain't exactly my favorite Lovett piece, and I'm not into the Arabian Nights schtick (though the Pam Rose story did provide a nice fluffy Lansing-to-LAX read), but you gotta admit that is an awfully nice-lookin' horse.

Old, Eaton, very old, wasn't that a Monty Python joke? "I can't stand all this sex on the television. I keep fallin' off!" Did like the "Silver" one on page 150, though. Thanks, Mysti, for publishing the "odd-zines" LoCs. Kinda funny that Cathy Bryson liked "Wave Goodbye Already!' when I wrote it as a parody of her "Nobody Waves Goodbye"; go figure. I have the beginnings of another Bodie and Doyle (Deceased) story (a la "Wave Goodbye" and "Martey"). Criminitley, I've got friggin' serieses coming out of my ears now! And three years ago I didn't know Bod.e from Doyle... "Domestic Bliss." Now there's a beginning to the relationship I can imagine. "It's your turn to take out the trash, you slob!" sounds much more natural coming from either of them than "I'll be yours forever, sunshine." On "Biscuits": Mandy, Bodie's eyes are not "baby blue" — unless the baby is an indigo bunting. Other than that, a sweet story — a bit too sweet for my tastes, however. Loved The Game." Wicked, Ann. So that's what those mercs get up to on those long boring patrols! You just don't think Murph is sexy at all, do you — it shows in every line of your story. Suppose Lucas and Mac are dancing by now? And I loved the "Flying Zucchini Brothers" cartoon on page 61 — there's an act I wouldn't have minded seeing in Harlequin Airs! And you'll notice that we don't know exactly how Bodie and Murphy are holding Doyle, er, upright... "Silver Chain" was well written and interesting, despite the fact that I was never a "She-Wolf of London" watcher, nor am I a fan of Stephen King-style horror. And I refuse to believe that Cowley would believe in demons. He might believe in the Devil, a tempter who encourages human evil, but not supernatural critters in red long-johns who chuck priests out the window. And Cowley would know from experience that there is no evil or depravity too low for humans to commit — remember, Beelzebub wasn't responsible for Auschwitz. "A Cloudy Day" was very visual and evocative. "Graveyard" was also well-done. But I do hope Chris Uberall finds other Pros poetry subjects to write about besides "I've Got Those Dead Partner Blues." "Ray of Sunshine" was not well-structured nor completely thought - out, and I'm not familiar with "Poor Wayfaring Stranger" so I can't tell if the lumpy rhyme-scheme is in proper scansion or not.

"Hang ups" is another funny Quinn-let. Also feels like the kind of humourous situation we could see in one of the episodes.

'The Londoner" — uh, uh. Not a "Highlander" fan—especially not since the first two episodes I ever saw killed off main characters. And I refuse to believe that Bodie Is Immortal material. Cowley, now...

Fred Small's song "Annie" (the tune for my filk, "Bodie") can be found on his folk tape 'Heart of the Appaloosa.' A splendid tape — and "Annie" is also about a gay character who has troubles at work.

"Lay Down Your Mask" was very erotic — now that's safe sex! But Bodie is squishier than I can ever picture him being. Embarrassed and defensive is how I can see him showing emotional openness before Doyle — "Look, I love you, you cretin" — not that weepy "Oh, I'm such a pig, you're gonna hate me forever, oh the pain, the pain..." Khrystyna's "Betty's Lament." Maybe my favourite single piece in the whole zine — not least because I'm a secretary me own self, and know how much unsung work is done by the lowest-paid person in the office. People forget that those mighty battleships can't leave the harbour to do battle with the enemy, unless the lowly unarmed tugboats ease their way. Again, as with Terence's "Supporting Role" in C&C 11. we are shown how a non-combatant, and a woman to boot, figures into the smooth running of the fast-cars-n-guns squad. It was for such stories that fan fiction was born.

I'll have you know that "Clueless Pair" has so far been the hardest Quanta Leap story for me to write — because I actually had to read some of those ghastly books for research). I knew most of those bitches at the party very well — in junior high and high school. And I share Bodie's attitude about gossip — especially the catty stuff I've heard from media fans: "Ooh. have you seen what he looks like these days?" "Oh, I know, and his career..." Mew, purr, hiss. By the way, did anybody catch the Bull shifters reference? Loved Alex's Doyle on page 108 — my favourite of her three illos in the zine.

"Dancing Round the Truth." Oh, dear. It had a germ of a good idea — Doyle facing up to his aging body — and turned it into a generic and stereotypical gay lovers' tiff ("You smiled at him, you're gonna dump me for him"; "I've got a wrinkle, he'll find someone younger") that had nothing to do with the characters as they've been set forth in the previous stories. So much for the concept of Building to Last, eh? Rae Ann Weston's compelling Doyle illo on page 146 is the best part of the story, I expected better.

"Dead Parrot Society" amusing in bits and pieces, but was far too coherent to be an accurate depiction of Monty Python humour.

All in all, a pretty good issue.

C&C13 — Liked the cover, but the bottom part (Doyle nude) should have been inside the zine; some of us have nosy relations and friends...

The cartoon, "Sex on Television," was funny. English is a weird language and an endless source of inspiration to cartoonists.

I liked 'The Londoner." Your Immortalized in Print zine, like this story, should go a long way towards explaining away bad writing for television... I always hated it when a character was half in his grave in one episode, and fine the next.

'The Clueless Pair" with the Regency setting was superb. This stands with the best zine stories of any fandom. No, I'm not the world's greatest regency romance fan, though I prefer it to most other romance genres since the heroines have an excellent excuse for doing silly, shallow, problem-causing things: they were trained, not educated, except in the arts.

Speaking of which, it may be a romance cliche for the daughters of the house to give poor recitals, but considering the level of training available and the variety of forms of talent that were encouraged, I suspect most of these 'amateurs' were more skilled than many popular performers today. I also think that the 'society twits' weren't the norm for upper-crust society, thought their bigotry probably was.

I like that Jane Mailander didn't use a costume, attitude or diet change to make Lady Wraybourne pretty. I've seen enough homely women escorted by proud, good-looking men to know some men have the taste to appreciate inner beauty.

C&C13 — A Suzi Lovett cover to die for! Almost makes me wish I were more of a Bodie fan - except we see a heck of a lot more of Ray.

The Bodie on page 140 was lovely. I'd like to see more of Alex MacKenzie's work.

Loved the Karen Eaton cartoons. I'd have to say my favorite was "Disco Bodie". (I liked it so much I bought the original.)

"Bodies Words to Live By" are guaranteed to bring a chuckle. As for "Doyle's Book of Ruminations," I have one; what is another word for thesaurus? {-Good one! How about 'What if there warn no hypothetical questions?'-) More of both, please.

My favorite story had to be The Clueless Pair." Plot, humor, characters, puns—what more could we ask? But leaving Ray as a cockroach—nasty one.

"Lay Down Your Mask" was nice and romantic, which is one of my preferences.

I liked the domestic stones as well—"Domestic Bliss" and "Biscuits." Romance in everyday life. Burning the biscuits and having a domestic argument. Life.

Thanks, everyone, and particularly, thank you, Mysti, for initiating it and putting it all together.

Did I say lovely cover? Well, this one nearly got me into trouble. I was on my way to visit a friend when I picked the zine up from the post office and naturally wanted to read it at once. So I opened the envelope and the old lady sitting beside me nearly jumped out of her seat. I guess next time I'll look first before I open it in public, but I was used to the more 'chaste' covers from C&C and didn't suspect anything like it. Nonetheless, I love it!

"Domestic Bliss" — was nice. Poor Doyle, he sure wouldn't like to live with someone like me. I'm more your chaotic type of person.

"Silver Chain' — Oooh, spooky! I like well-written stones about the supernatural and this one really makes you shiver very nicely, if you read it while you're alone in the house and the wind is howling outside. Guess I have to look up the She-Wolf of London series if I can find someone around here who taped it...

"Hang Ups"— Indeed! I had some difficulty afterwards to use a hanger without grinning to myself.

"The Clueless Pair" — was a howl. I admit to having read some Barbara Cartland stuff in my misspent youth, because I read nearly everything I could lay my fingers on, but I did get a bit more selective with time. It's just too much fluffy pink ruffles and lace. All I can say is, can you write us some more, Jane, please! And I loved the cartoon on page 29.

All in all, I can't wait to get C&C14.

Ta for C&C13. I can't get enough of your zines! I wanted to send this to you right away 'cause I enjoyed it so much!

First off—the cover! Oh, my. I had to keep Ray hidden as I read it at work. Lovely as ever, Suzan Lovett! And Alex T. MacKenzie's Doyles on pp. 52 and 108 were to die for. (Am I biased? Nah!)

I really liked the way you started off this one. "Domestic Bliss" and "Biscuits" were two nicely done, straight (so to speak) -to-the-point-wake-up-and-smell-the-Eari Grey-Doyle stories (Gads, did I really write that? Must have been a computer glitch!). I don't think I'll ever look at cookie baking in the same light again!

Ann Walton's, Gena Fisher's and Caroline Quinn's stories were great comic relief. I especially liked Ann's. I was really beginning to wonder what she was leading up to!

I also liked "Silver Chain" - makes me want to look up She-Wolf of London.

"Lay Down Your Mask" gives new meaning to the numbers 9, 7 and 6.

The Londoner" was a good idea — I'd like to see some more. (So would I! "Oh, Sue..." she sing-songs. "Where's that sequel you promised me two years ago... ?"-)

I always look forward to the Building to Last stories and was glad to see another one about Ray and Bodie. (Not that I don't like the Murph offshoots. I want to know what Murph thought of Bodie and Cam on the op and at the party!) I hope Terence has many more than five or six stories left!...

Have to say a word about the poetry, too. It was great. I especially liked "Bodie" and "Betty's Lament". Both of these ladies have a real knack for getting into the skin of the characters they are writing about.

Well, my favorite thing in here would have to be "The Clueless Pair." I (as well as a good number of other folks) have been waiting for this one and it was well worth the wait. I must admit that this one almost got me in trouble. I was reading it at work on my break and several sections caused some rather loud reactions. The first thing that got me going was Doyle's humble little speech comparing the "ladies" to Ann Seaford. I must have been a bit dim, 'cause I didn't see that one coming. I started laughing, causing some co-workers to look up.

Next came the part where Beverly said,"... I find that I cannot bear it." Well, I had just been listening to Man of LaMancha the day before, so I naturally started singing "Aldonza." (Even before I turned the pages and read Doyle's conclusions on the matter.) The co-workers were not impressed. (Never said I could sing). The next bit was Marge Harper accosting Doyle in the hayloft. As soon as I realized who it was, I started to laugh. This got me a few more stares; they lasted a bit longer. Everything was then fine until I got to the part about Caprice. I'm afraid I really lost it then. The coworker were getting curious.

The thing that finally did me in, though, was the line, "While Doyle battled panicked virgins with admirable fortitude, Bodie clung to the reins as the carriage bounded and careened over the carefully tended lawns, swiping through some of the lovely topiaries and turning cunning animal shapes into cunning road kill shapes." That and the visions of Doyle fighting off the debs while the carriage is sailing over the stone fence sent me over the edge.

To say that I was laughing hysterically would be an understatement. And I couldn't tell anyone there what was so funny without an in depth explanation of the show and the characters, which, by the time it was delivered, would have rendered the jokes a lot less funny than they were. Having to explain a joke does tend to kill it

The funny bits weren't the only thing this story had going for it, though. The plot was just wonderful—a nice twist on the hysterical, I mean historical romance novel where the heroine is still a raving beauty, even though she has more mettle than the average woman of the time. And Bodie was such a gentleman—it was almost enough to change my loyalties (but not quite—Ray was as much a gentleman in his own way). They've all been good, but this was definitely the best so far! I think I need to brush up on my "Metamorphosis" before the next installment, though. Keep up the good work!

Issue 14

cover of issue #14, Kate Nuernberg

Chalk and Cheese 14 was published in March 1996 and contains 122 pages.

It has art by TACS, Laura Waight, Karen Eaton, Kate Nuernberg (Front Cover), and Karen River (insert, missing in some issues).

From the editorial:

I know, I know - it didn't seem like this zine would ever be pubbed, but, surprise! Here it is. I'm not going to spout excuses as I've been wont to do before (although I will point out that even with moving twice in one year and changing jobs twice, I still managed to put out ten zines in the last nine months. I'll let you do the math). I apologize for the fact that some people went for months without hearing from me - it couldn't be helped, but I appreciate your understanding. And life being what it is, I can't promise any change in that department any time soon. Just don't give up on me - I'm not out yet.

I'd like to thank Taya for coming into my life and spicing it up a bit. I had become a bit jaded with the Pros and she revitalized my interest in this fandom and made me watch the episodes for the first time in years. I was struck again by the fact that the TV Pros and the darlings we write and read about are seldom one and the same. Fanfic has diverged wildly from the show-but our fandom is all the better for it. I can't think of another group of people who are so accepting of such diverse- pieces of literature. So, because of Taya, I sat down to put this zine together with a smile on my face. (Does that make me multi-taskinal?) Thanks, cher. Okay, enough with the mushy stuff. On to the zine!

Fen, you may want to read this zine in several doses or risk getting overwhelmed. I didn't realise until I began actually putting the zine into one cohesive whole that almost every story in here deals with death in one way or another. Yikes! Now, I love death stories-anyone will tell you that - but, come on, guys! We need to lighten up a little! ...

Anyway, don't let all the gloom-and-doom throw you. There are laughs here as well; perhaps even a ROTFLMAOL or two. (Sorry, computer joke.) And even the doom part is incredibly well-done. So start reading-and if you get overwhelmed, go away for a while. But don't forget to come back! Otherwise, you'll miss some of the best Pros fanfiction this side of New Jersey.

• Letters of Comment by U.D. Fen (1)
• Bodie's Book of Words to Live By Khrystyna (8)
• Autumn Rain by Diane Morris (9)
• Passing Time in Jonah's Tomb by Taya (21)
• A Vacation Spent Driving by Jane Mailander (27)
• Two Lost Souls by Michelle Christian (a pre-CI5 story in which a young Bodie goes to Vietnam and has a brief meeting with an also younger Roger Lococco of Wiseguy.) (29)
• The Haunted Library by Gena Fisher (32)
• Bodie's Book of Words to Live By Khrystyna (41)
• Last Option by India (42)
• Bodie's Book of Words to Live By Khrystyna (43)
• Day One: Caught in the Act by Laura Waight (44)
• Day Two: Turnabout Makes for Fair Play by Laura Waight (47)
• Bodie's Book of Words to Live By Khrystyna (53)
• Day Three: Returned Goods by Laura Waight (54)
• Seperate Ways by Taya (55)
• I Never Metamorphosis I Didn't Like by Jane Mailander (This is part of her Quanta Leap series of Bodie and Doyle being whizzed into different timelines and places to solve problems. In this outing, they're in a Kafkaesque world in which Doyle is a huge cockroach.) (also in B & D's Excellent Adventures, see that zine for some comments by Mailander) (56)
• Bodie's Book of Words to Live By Khrystyna (80)
• Clothes Make the Bear? by Dr. Seuss (81)
• Doyle's Collection of Definitions by Khrystyna (84)
• The Price by Taya (85)
• His Eyes by K. Ann Yost (87)
• His Hair by K. Ann Yost (88)
• Fatal Mistake by India (89)
• What's In a Name? by Mirenna (93)
• An Interview with Raven by Jane Mailander (94)
• The Story of My Life by PJ (96)
• Cartoon by Jane Mailander (122)

• 

  inside page from issue #14, TACS

• 

  inside page from issue #14, Karen Eaton

• 

  inside page from issue #14, Karen Eaton

• 

  inside page from issue #14, Jane Mailander, poking fun at Raven the Cat

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 14

Sorry to disappoint those expecting the next in the Bodie & Doyle (Deceased) series ("Wave Goodbye Already" and "Marley") here — in the two years between issues 13 and 14, I finished the third story, "See Me, Hear Me, Feel Me," and it appeared in Leather and Blue Jeans 2, For those of you interested...yes, I do answer the question, "How do ghosts 'do it'?"

And here, at short notice, is the damned elf]-story I've been threatening to do for years...Come and get me, "Jane"!

And for those of you who've seen a 1995 anthology from Baen Books called Tomorrow Bites (s.f. werewolf stories, editor Greg Cox) and were wondering...yes, I'm the one who wrote "Wolf Enough." That sale paid for my MediaWest plane ticket!

Oh, Murphy, you're so fine, you're so fine, you blow my mind. Hey, Murphy! Hey, Murphy! ('Bout time that boy got center stage on the cover.)

You say you're doing a death-story zine called Done to Death ... are you sure this wasn't its first issue? Seemed like every other story in this issue (mine included) was a death story! Morris' "Autumn Rain" — poignant without being tear-jerky. That's a marvelous opening — the gradual description of Bodie's physical charms, climaxing with the disclosure of cancer like a land-mine in a beautiful garden. Very good and realistic depiction of both men's reactions to the news, including the humor they find in the grim situation (their unsentimental dividing of Bodie's goods). Gorgeous TACS illo on page 18, almost classical in their poses. 'Two Lost Souls." Bodie and Roger Loccoco — the meeting that had to take place! Okay, I confess. While reading 'The Haunted Library," I kept expecting four guys in Ghostbuster outfits to jump in and start blasting... Did like Doyle's choice of reading material — takes a brave man to read Little Women in public. And I think "Waldo" is "Wally" in England: I don't know why the publisher changed the character's name. The "Day" series had me whooping. Laura Waight has them down to a tee, and it's really nice to have quality non-slash stories amid the limpid eyes. Splendid three-part story, and just the sort of pranks they would play on each other. Interesting illo... Well, I had to write the Kafka Metamorphosis pastiche; I wanted to see if I could write a genuinely grim and nihilistic Quanta Leap story. (Well, I weenied out at the end.) And I've seen Doyle turned into so many darling adorable big-eyed fuzzy-wuzzy wittle animals—mostly kitty-cats—in so many bad stories... You want Doyle turned into an animal, fine, he's a friggin' 6-foot cockroach I Gosh, how enchanting! Loved the Eaton illo (and the one on p. 92) — ooh, that girl does good realistic stuff! Don't suppose she still does...Well, we cartoonists fill a niche also. The first paragraph in "Clothes Make the Bear" turned me off. I don't do teddy-bear or pretty-kitty stories. (The first Pros slash story I ever read was the grim and tragic "Sunday Bloody Sunday" by M. Fae Glasgow — permanently inoculated me against the cutesy-wootsy stuff.) "The Price" — stark, sad, finally horrific. "Fatal Mistake" — emotionally powerful, and the scary part is that it's something Bodie could easily have done. He's gorgeous, but that boy's playin' hockey with a warped puck. "Story of My Life" succeeds on many levels, and the medical stuff is done very well; it's a tender story. I have some trouble with the idea of them admitting that they like Neil Diamond songs, though! And Sarah gets way too Mary-Sue in the climactic scene at dinner. The minute the Girl Explains It All to the suffering Hero, she stops being a character in a story and turns Into a fangirl talking back to her TV.

Good issue, lots of good stuff in it. Well done, all of you.

So. I get my copy of Chalk & Cheese 14 and the first thing I do is read the LOC's. Like all authors, I love comments.

The next step is flipping through, looking at the art. By the way, I love the Karen Rivers' Bodie. I stop and drool over it. and then continue. And what to my wondering eyes should appear... No, it wasn't a sleigh and eight tiny reindeer. Actually, it was a Jane Mailander cartoon starring my very own creation—Raven. Good heavens) I've been lampooned! I feel like I've...I don't know...arrived. Become a household name. Something like that, anyway. Very flattering, really. Raven, however, is truly miffed. Cats hate it when you laugh at them and the "Interview" is hysterical. Jane can expect a metaphorical hairball or something equally disgusting. I loved "Bodie's Words to Live By," particularly the one about leprosy. The Murphy cover by Kate was gorgeous. My favorite stories were "Story of my Life" and "Autumn Rain." Both were lovely, sad, heart-breakers. P.J., Diane—I'd love to see more of your work. For humorous relief, I enjoyed the "Day One" trilogy. There's nothing like getting caught making a fool of oneself.

I enjoyed the one scene in "Metamorphosis" with cockroach Doyle driving madly down the M4, leaving hysterical drivers in his wake. However, the first bit of the story didn't seem to match the nihilism of the last part of the story. It was a tragedy with a comedy struggling to get out.

[zine]: I was glad to see you again at Revelcon this year and have been thoroughly enjoying all the zines I purchased. With my purchase of C&C14, I now have them all. So I thought it was about time to write an LoC. I have thoroughly enjoyed reading all of them (several times over) and feel that, like old wins, you're not getting older, you're getting better.

Kate Nuernberg's C&C14 cover was great. It is about time for Murph to get his own cover. All of the covers have really been great. You have managed to get some of the best artists for your covers. I do have to admit that the Suzan Lovett artwork gets drooled on constantly. I'm thankful for the cover protectors on your zines.

The Quanta Leap Universe is great. Glad to see that Jane Mailander rescued Ray from his life as a cockroach. Now looking forward to Story #7 and their adventures in the Spaceball Universe.

I did think that this issue was just a tad depressing, with several death stories. However, they were well written. I can read a well-written death story again and again. It will push the same buttons over and over and I find myself using more and more Kleenex. My favorite story in this issue was 'The Story Of My Life." A beautiful love story.

Looking forward to the next Chalk and Cheese.

[zine]: A friend was kind enough to pick up copies of Chalk and Cheese 14 and 15 for me at MediaWest, and as I've come to expect from these zines, they were well done, professional and thoroughly enjoyable.

I admit I'm not a death-story fan (unlike ye olde Editor) and I found a couple of those stories a little too grim and sad to really enjoy. But PJ's 'The Story Of My Life" left me with tears in my eyes, something fanfic rarely does, and once started, 1 couldn't put it down until the end. This one wasn't as hard for me because with Doyle at 83 and Bodie having died only a few years prior, that means they had a full life together, and that's so much easier for me to take than reading about one of them cut down in the prime of life! And Murphy had a great part in it-he's so often either under used or badly used, and this time his part was perfect. I also enjoyed Taya's "Passing Time at Jonah's Tomb" -- again, it's very reassuring to see the guys have survived all those fraught years when they were agents and are still together. Both Gena Fisher's The Haunted Library" (I was halfway expecting a crossover with Ghostbusters; the setting was perfect for it!) and Laura Waight's series of short stories were a real relief among the heavier themes. I hope Laura keeps on turning out these little gems. I always enjoy Jane Mailander's Quanta Leap Universe stories, and "I Never Metamorphosis I Didn't Like" was no different. In keeping with Kafka, it was suitably grim, but the ending was a treasure. Only one death story in Chalk and Cheese 15. (Thank you.) PJ strikes again! "Raymond and the Three CI5 Agents." She made me cry in CSC 14: made me laugh in C&C15. "Ghost of a Chance" by Caroline Quinn was a truly enjoyable story. (I think the guys crossover well with paranormal stories.) And, hey, nothing wrong with a matchmaking ghost! I hope "Art of the Possible" is only the first of many, many stones Kaycee will be writing in her Red and Blue Universe. She's only whetted my appetite and I dearly want to read how CI5 Bodie and Artist Doyle develop in their relationship. Go, girt! Again, I truly enjoyed 'The Haunting" by Jane Mailander. (I love The Hunting Stories by the other Jane, too.) She makes you laugh, she makes you cry; I am constantly amazed at the way this Jane can pop our guys into universes and situations, keeping their personalities intact, taking us along for a grand ride. (And I hope the teaser at the end means I'll be reading about the results of that 'auction' in the next Chalk and Cheese...1 (-Checkout C&C16 for that very story by Jane, called "Open Wide and Say Arr!"-)

Artwork in both zines was, as usual, fantastic. Chalk and Cheese carries some of the finest covers (and interior art) I've seen in a zine anywhere. Congratulations to writers, artists and editor. Fine jobs all around!

Issue 15

Chalk and Cheese 15 was published in May 1996 (NOTE: the zine itself has a date of March 1996, which is a typo) and contains 162 pages. It has a cover by TACS and five interior illos by Pat Cash.

cover of issue #15, TACS

From the editorial:

Because I made a major goof in the last issue (the title for Taya's story should have read 'Passing Time at Jonah's Tomb,' not 'in Jonah's Tomb' — although I still maintain he had a backhoe in his pocket, I have agreed to say the following: It was a goober-esque thing to do. However, since Taya herself has been acting a bit gooberish lately (which she freely admitted), I feel I'm in good company.

Thanks to Corwalch and Falcone for never giving up. Persistence finally paid off, didn't it? Thanks, also, to Pat Cash, who had no idea I was going to usurp all her artwork when she brought it to show off at a Gathering at my house. Without you, Pat, there would be no illos for this issue. And it scares me that pictures you drew years ago matched some of the stories so well! Either you're psychic — or fandom is still writing the same types of stories. Nah, couldn't be that, could it...? After taking so long to bring out C&C14. I'm happy to be able to publish C&C15 less than two months later. And C&C16 is slated for an October debut, so keep your eyes open for it. (Of course, that's about the time I have to move again, so I promise nothing, but keep your fingers crossed.) Several people have committed to sending in stories (Jane Mailander, PJ, Diane Morris, Taya and Kaycee — to name a few), so that promises to be another great issue. Finally, Diane Morris is busy writing a series of twelve stories chronicling Bodie and Doyle's first year of partnership. These stories will be presented in two zines, both lavishly illustrated by Suzi Lovett. The first "First Year" zine will be ready in December, 1996/January, 1997, so watch for it.

Well, I've got things to do, so you go find something else to do now. Go read a zine or something. Catch you on the flipside!

• Letters of Comment by Respondents (1)
• Bodie's Book of Words to Live By Khrystyna (7)
• Into the Light by Taya (8)
• Redemption by Diane Morris (10)
• Raymond and the Three CI5 Agents by PJ (31)
• Bodie's Book of Words to Live By Khrystyna (34)
• Land of Confusion by Corwalch and Falcone (35)
• Bodie's Book of Words to Live By Khrystyna (68)
• Ghost of a Chance by Caroline Quinn (69)
• Bodie's Book of Words to Live By Khrystyna (107)
• Too Long a Soldier by Jane Mailander (108)
• Art of the Possible by Meridian (109)
• Bodie's Book of Words to Live By Khrystyna (119)
• The Key to My Heart by Brazen Hussies, Unltd. (120)
• The Haunting by Jane Mailander (121)
• Bodie's Book of Words to Live By Khrystyna (162)

• 

  from issue #15, Pat Cash (note the earlier creation date)

• 

  from issue #15, Pat Cash (note the earlier creation date)

• 

  from issue #15, Pat Cash (note the earlier creation date)

• 

  from issue #15, Pat Cash (note the earlier creation date), this was reprinted from Adult Situations #1

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 15

I want to start off by saying I thoroughly enjoyed Chalk and Cheese 15. I must say I was rather surprised (pleasantly so) by the artwork that made it into my story. It gave a whole new meaning to a shower scene. And I want to thank you for printing it.

I liked the unexpected twist in "Into the Light." The way it started out, I was fully expecting a monster to jump out at the boys, instead of Doyle being scared of his mum's basement.

"Redemption" was well done. I could see Bodie going off the into the fringes, but never completely back to the other side of the street if he lost Doyle. I mean, Doyle taught him by example that there were some principles worth holding on to and defending. He even gave Bodie back his sense of worth and helped him rebuild his Code of Honour and Bodie wouldn't destroy that gift. I also loved the fact that Bodie, at least in own his mind, got a chance to make up for not being there to save Ray"s life. He may not have Ray's overdeveloped sense of guilt, but he would feel very guilty about not being there to save Ray, because if he had settled things with Ray that morning, then Cowley wouldn't have separated them and he would've been there to try and save Ray or at least die with him.

As for "Raymond and the 3 CI5 Agents," I'm sorry to say I suffered from a terminal sugar overdose when I read it.

I liked "Ghost of a Chance." Lady Beatrice must've been a real scandal to the nobility when she was alive. A pity there aren't any pictures of that house at just the right point that caught Doyle's attention. That certainly would put a capper on the story, wouldn't it? It's nice to meet a ghost with a sense of humour and one who wants the rest of the world to have a happy love life just like she did. I also love the fact that she is no respecter of rank, since she chose to play her pranks on Cowley. Can you imagine what she might've done if Cowley had decided to stay there overnight?!

Oh, by the way, please tell Caroline, I know of a car that had to be in much worse shape than the one she and her friend drove back from MediaWest in. I know~l had to drive it while I was unemployed and couldn't afford anything better, and the only thing holding it together was rust and a whole tot of prayer.

Kaycee's 'The Art of the Possible" is a very good beginning to a new Pros A/U series and I look forward very much to reading the next installment to see what develops. (-Look for the next part of this series, The Next Day," in this very issue.-) I find it very interesting that in all the A/U series, Murphy is partnered to whichever one of the boys happens to be in CI5. Never Jax or Anson (those are the only two solos I could think of other than Murphy). Not that Anson would've survived very long as either one's partner.

Hats off to Jane Mailander and her Quanta Universe again. That girl is positively wicked! Not only does she allow Doyle to play Sherlock Holmes, a creation of Conan Doyle's, but she finally gave us a blue S'murph! But the capper was making Cowley a peg-legged elf! He did finally get to many Annie, though, after a fashion, so that had to be a high point for him. I wonder if he's going to be accompanying the boys from now on? It could cause all kinds of awkward questions in Whitehall if he disappeared at random intervals, not to mention how he'd explain it to the Home Office or his staff. I can just see it now: "Well, sir....you see, it's like this. I had to help save the universe from a horde of hairy aliens. Sir." Clang! and he's in a little white room in a jacket that lets him hug himself all day. I just have one question for Jane, how did Bodie wind up with two right arms?

I can't wait to read Jane's next story. (Pant, pant, pant! Any chance of some artwork to go with it?) I know of at least 2 people who'd love to see a picture of Bodie as a pirate and I wouldn't mind seeing one of Doyle swashing his buckle.

"Bodie's Words to Live By," as always, are a good laugh, keep them coming.

I'm going to sign off or I'll never get this out to you, Mysti. Again, I loved the zine from cover to cover (gotta remember to wipe the drool off the pictures), and look forward to the next issue.

[zine]: Please tell Diane Morris I hate her. Remember I said the one compelling (I can't really say "enjoyable"), most horribly good death story I'd read was "Redemption" in C&C15. and I just had to re-read it the next morning, and it still made me cry, and it was so wall-done and emotionally wrenching and, and... Well, anyhoo, I just read C&C14. and there was another story that did the same thing to me, and then I noticed it had something else in common with "Redemption", and that was the author. This one was "Autumn Rain". It was absolutely awful, and I mean that in the best way! So if you could please tell her I hate her guts and need some happy stories now, I would be much obliged! This is one talented lady. And she never did a sequel to AR, did she? It's completely self-contained and doesn't need one, but at the same time it does leave plenty of angsty room open for one. so I wondered. (-While Diane Morris didn't write a sequel to 'Autumn Rain,' she did give Jesse her blessing to do so. So, look tor Jesse's story, "Winter Chill," in this very issue.-) Thanks for everything you do to get these zines out to us!