Time Out of Mind

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Title: Time Out of Mind (formally titled "Killing Time")
Publisher: Pon Farr Press/MKASHEF Enterprises
Author(s): Nathan St. Germaine and Keith Donovan
Cover Artist(s):
Date(s): December 1984[1]
1985 [2]
Medium: print zine, fanfic
Fandom: Star Trek: TOS
Language: English
External Links:
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Time Out of Mind is a slash Kirk/Spock and Kirk/Spock/OMC Star Trek: TOS 164-page novel. The authors are Nathan St. Germaine and Keith Donovan. [3] The zine includes poetry by Alayne Gelfand and Alled Navesih. The front cover is by Karen K., and the interior art and back cover are by Vel Jaeger.

This zine was originally titled "Killing Time." It generated much controversy when some in fandom claimed it was later rewritten and made into a pro book: Killing Time, something the authors deny.

This novel was nominated for Best Long Story of 1984 for the K/Star Award.

front cover
back cover (as well as an interior illo) by Vel Jaeger

Different Titles

While the zine had been originally advertised under the title “Killing Time” in several venues, including the editorial in Naked Times #4/5, once the zine began shipping in early 1985, the zine’s name was permanently changed to "Time Out of Mind."

In 2012, one of the authors, Nathan St. Germaine, explained how the naming confusion may have arisen:
I can tell you that this novel in no way resembles the pro novel "Killing Time" by Della Van Hise. The fan novel is its own creation with its own cast of characters, none of which appear in "Killing Time." It was written before the novel "Killing Time." "Killing Time" was written solely on an original new idea by my writing partner. Never was "Time Out Of Mind" even a template for the pro novel. The pro novel called "Killing Time" was written AS gen for Pocket Books……and it was never an edited or "filed" version of a fan story. "Time Out of Mind" was simply another, separate time travel story. If indeed it was advertised … under the title "Killing Time" … it was only because that title was, perhaps, a working title, one we both loved, but ended up "saving" for another day. We never retitled "Time Out of Mind" after publishing it. There was never ever a version of "Time Out Of Mind" ever published under the title "Killing Time." [4]

Discussed in Not Tonight, Spock!

See Sexuality in K/S Fiction: Anal Intercourse.

The Editorial from "Naked Times" #4/5 (1981)

For those of you who have pre-ordered "Killing Time", it will be published sometime later this year. Again, I don't have a precise date, but I'm shooting for a summer publication -- just as soon as the artwork starts rolling in. For those of you who may want to order, the cost is $11.50, post-paid and an age statement is required. This zine is not entirely of a K/S nature, though it does contain explicit sexual scenes and same-sex relationships. Please keep that in mind when ordering. [5]

The Editorial from "Time Out of Mind"

The editorial in the zine is three pages long.

Some things it addresses:

Regarding the fact that pages 1-86 are typed in a smaller font (and has double columns) than the rest of the zine:
I have been blessed with 20/20 vision all my life, and I am sometimes forgetful of the fact that not every fan is so fortunate. For those, I do humbly apologize. Unfortunately, by the time this was pointed out to ire, the first 86 pages were already inscribed in stone — to the point that yours truly didn't intend to re-type them and lengthen the zine even more. Obviously, this zine has been advertised for a very long time — and at this point- my primary objective was to get it into your hands in as nice a format as possible under the circumstances.

Regarding the title:

First, as I'm sure most of you have noticed, the name of this zine has been changed. The original title, KILLING TIME, had to be abandoned for professional reasons — since by coincidence KILLING TIME is the tentative title of a professional novel which will be appearing in April (if the publication date remains unchanged by the publisher). At any rate, I wish to thank Mister Donovan & Mister St. Germaine for their kind understanding in allowing this change of the fanzine title.

Regarding the "brief character sketches following this editorial:

If you are a complete purist, you might want to wait until after reading TIME OUT OF MIND before reviewing those sketches. However, the sketches have been included at the request of the writers, to provide a somewhat better understanding of why the characters often behave slightly differently than those of aired Trek might behave.

Regarding the premise:

Due to the fact that TIME OUT OF MIND was written over three years ago, and has been in the typing/editing process for almost that long, I am not entirely satisfied with the editing. In other words, if I'd known then what I know now, I feel that TIME OUT OF MIND could have been shortened considerably.

On the other hand, when dealing with with the type of novel which TOOM is, it's often necessary to give background information which might be negligible in another type of story. As you will see as you read, TIME OUT OF MIND is told in many different styles — partially through the journals of some of the characters, and partially from an omniscient narrator. Because of this, we recommend that you read slowly to avoid getting lost somewhere on the first page.

It has also been said by the writers and the proofreaders (as well as the editor!) that TIME OUT OF MIND is a story which most fans will either love or hate — depending on how far they are willing to accept the premise in the first place. Yes, we've broken a lot of those unwritten rules of K/S writing — but it's my opinion as an editor that sometimes rules have to be broken in order to explore other facets, of a character or characters. If you're one of those fans who says, "Well! Kirk simply wouldn't do that!" Or, "They would never accept another person into their relationship under anycircumstances!"... then you probably won't enjoy TIME OUT OF MIND very much. On the other hand, if you're willing to suspend that long list of unwritten rules, we feel that TIME OUT OF MIND will give you an opportunity to explore your own feelings about Kirk and Spock — not only as fictional characters, but as personalities who have come to interrupt the lives of K/S fans everywhere.

TIME OUT OF MIND was written partially as an exploration of the so-called "Star Trek reality" -- the hypothesis that Gene Roddenberry is real1y an emissary from the future, and K&S are really two errant time travellers who get themselves into numerous scrapes and scenarios -- not only in the mind of their creator(s), but perhaps in some future reality as well.
Regarding some characterizations:

Partially, the changes you will observe in Kirk and Spock and other main characters are a direct result of their having been stranded in an alien timeline (20th Century Earth) for a long period of time. Many of the other "differences", however, are the differences in the characters themselves — and their somewhat different backgrounds, as you will see in the brief character sketches. On aired Star Trek most episodes took place within the span of one week or less. Unfortunately reality is often more cruel than that. Many "episodes" in life can' and do last for years — even lifetimes. Also, in this novelization, we are attempting to offer a more "realistic" portrayal of people in general -- including Kirk and Spock. Though they are still the heroes, they are not the larger-than-life supermen capable' of extricating themselves from any situation within moments just because their names happen to be Kirk and Spock. We hope to offer a more human insight into the characters, showing their weaknesses and fears as well as their strengths and aspirations.

Also, keep in mind that TIME OUT OF MIND'S Kirk and Spock come from an alternate universe as opposed to Earth's direct future. Before the accident which hurls them into our world, they exist concurrently with 20th Century Earth on another dimensional plane. As stated in THE THOLIAN WEB, "This universe exists concurrently with a multitude of others in the same physical space." So it is with the characters in this story.
More on characterizations:

As previously stated, the writers have broken several unwritten "rules" of K/S writing. Because of this, I know that many fans probably won't enjoy TIME OUT OF MIND. So...

I would like to gently urge you to read this novel with the same attitude as you might read any alternate universe Trek. Perhaps I've become overly sensitive to these "rules"- during my long-time absence from fandom. Recently, it seems that most of the K/S I've seen is struggling to maintain these unwritten rules — and sometimes the story suffers a lack of depth because of it. Part of the joy of K/S in the first place was the fact that it broke the rules which had existed previously. It can be very annoying as an editor and as a writer to get hordes of letters saying, "Kirk wouldn't do this or that." Or, "Put that in Leonard Nimoy's mouth and chew on it". Who knows what the characters would do until it is tried. When Star Trek was originally on network, I'm sure that very few of today's K/S fans ever thought K&S would function as lovers/mates. It's only when something is tried that it can be given a fair chance. On a personal note when I was first introduced to the very idea of Kirk and Spock being lovers under any circumstances, my reaction was somewhat less than favorable to put it mildly. I was incensed at the idea that my Kirk and Spock could do something like that! But when I gave it a fair chance, I discovered that they not only could — but that I could accept and enjoy it in the given context of the story. So... maybe we should all examine those "unwritten rules" of K/S. Are they necessary, or are they somewhat of an albatross which forces writers into a narrow path from which any straying is met with, "Kirk or Spock simply wouldn't do that!" Part of the fun of writing is being able to convince the reader that,"Oh, yes they would!" But if the writer feels constrained to conform to those unwritten rules, I can't help but think that the results of the writing will be less than what they could otherwise be. Just a personal opinion....

Zine Ads

It was listed as a zine by the name of "Killing Time" as "In the Planning Stages" in 1981 (to be available in early Fall 1981) in issue Datazine #12, then again "in the planning stages" in Datazine in June 1982, but as "in print" in the Jan/Mar 1982 issue of The Zine Connection. There was a flyer for it in 1982 in K/S Relay #4. Its price was $25 (U.S.). In 1983, the zine was also advertised under the title "Killing Time" in T'hy'la #2 (see flyers below). It was sold under the title, "Time Out of Mind," starting in 1985 or before. [6]

'Killing Time' by Keith Donovan and Nathan St. Germaine, edited by Della Van Hise, published by Pon Farr Press. PFP is proud to be able to offer a new ST novel, which we feel will offer the best of several worlds. It deals with a Jim Kirk and Spock from an alternate time line who accidentally discover themselves stranded in our time line with no way home and several obstacles to overcome just to stay alive. Having been marooned on 20th century Earth for four years when the story begins, Kirk and Spock discover that they must enlist the aid of select humans in order to pilot the Enterprise back to their own universe, and even so, their chances of survival are slim. It is told from the point of view of Jeremy Karlsen, a NASA technician who becomes involved in their cause and finds his own life crumbling around him as a consequence. It also details the relationship which develops between Kirk and Spock, offering perhaps a more painfully realistic view of two men stranded out of time and out of place. Certain K/S elements are included so an age statement is required. ALSO, BE ADVISED THAT KILLING TIME IS SET IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE (of sorts), so the characters are often different than the aired-Trek heroes. [7]
'Time Out of Mind' (formally titled 'Killing Time') is a novel about what might occur if Kirk and Spock were trapped on 20th century Earth with access to the Enterprise, separated from the rest of their crew, and wanted by every government agency in existence. A very long novel. K/S. Age statement required. [8]
PON FARR PRESS is pleased to present KILLING TIME, an alternate-universe STAR TREK novel of a different color. Written by two relative newcomers to fan fiction, Keith Donovan and Nathan St. Germaine, we feel that KT is a fresh new approach to many angles of any Star Trek universe, and will (hopefully) stimulate your thought wheels for quite awhile to come.

Set in Earth of 1979-1984, KILLING TIME details the ordeals of Kirk and Spock as they fight a battle with Time itself in a desperate attempt to return to their own universe. Having been accidentally thrust into our world, they find themselves displaced and alone, without the means by which to get back to their own native timeline. In this alternate universe novel, our Earth exists concurrently with the universe which created Jim Kirk and Spock, but they are as alien here as would be a Neanderthal on the Enterprise. After several years of vain efforts to return to their homeland, Jim and Spock must, out of necessity, enlist the aid of selected humans from Earth — but only those humans whose lives would be "destined" to end without intervention... "ghosts", as it were, much as Edith Keeler might have become had she continued living. One such human is Jerry Karlsen, a NASA technician who becomes involved with the two time travellers when faced with the unalterable fact that his own life is — theoretically — over. The story is based, in part, on Jerry's discovery of the "differences" between two concurrent timelines, and his (and others') dilemmas in dealing with Kirk and Spock, as well as his decision as to whether or not to accept their offer of life with all its implications and complications. As he learns more about Kirk and Spock, he likewise discovers startling things about himself — and the other people with whom the two displaced outworlders are dealing. But what point is Spock trying to make by continually questioning him about childhood incidents? What strange secret does the Vulcan withhold from everyone, including Jim Kirk? Because of the displacement, and because of inter-dimensional overlaps which connect this universe to their own. Kirk's mind becomes prey to the peculiar psychic forces which manifest without warning. Spock becomes his one link to reality... a life-and-death companion. The relationship which ensues between the two is of ten bittersweet, a reminder to both of the things they left behind in that far-away universe, but their destinies are sealed together. Hut what does Spock know about Jerry (and perhaps others) that he guards so carefully? And why docs Jim Kirk succumb to a peculiar sensation of deja vu whenever faced with dealing with some of their Earth-contacts? Because of the nature of KILLING TIME, it is being offered as a separate publication [9]. However, this novel does contain certain sexually explicit scenes — both heterosexual as well as K/S. Please bear in mind, however, that this is not essentially a K/S zine. The plot and the characters are stressed beyond per sonal relationships, but there definitely are scenes which may not be "agreeable" to the non-K/S fan. In other words, KILLING TIME contains scenes which detail the emotional and physical love which Kirk and Spock share, but the story itself does not rely entirely on that aspect alone. The inter-relationships of the characters arc secondary to the plot itself, but we believe you'll find the story to be a fascinating one whatever your personal tastes may be in that area.

Due to the explicit scenes, however, an age statement will be required (over 18). We anticipate going to press sometime around the early part of Fall, 1981 [this ad ran in 1982], and advance orders are (as always) greatly appreciated. KILLING TIME will be published offset, reduced-type format, and will be approximately (very approximate) 150+ pages — probably more. At this time, MICHAEL VERINA has agreed to do several illos, and we will be contacting other artists as well in the near future. [10]

An Excerpt

From a flyer:

"Shut up!"he commanded in a rough whisper. "Just shut the hell up!"

"I beg your pardon?" Spock questioned, causing Kirk to jolt back to reality.

The human had become so engrossed in the brutal attack in his own mind that he'd completely forgotten the intercom was still open. "Oh — ah — nothing," he tried to recover. "Just... talking to myself----" He felt his face reddening in embarrassment. Was this out-of-sync world finally beginning to claim his sanity? Was he starting to slip the way McCoy had done?

Before Kirk could think of anything to say to the Vulcan, he became aware of the soft sound of footsteps on the carpeted stairs as Spock descended them. He looked up sheepishly, his face still bearing signs of self-recrimination.

Spock pretended not to notice; he was all too aware of Kirk's personal dilemma- For three years before they had found themselves in this alien environment, Kirk had commanded the finest starship in the Fleet. And now, hew as confined to the harsh existence of one world — a world the human had begun to hate for the things it had done to him, and the pain it had caused both of them as well as their contacts - Spock knew Kirk felt useless here as well as displaced, but there seemed to be little which could be done to immediately remedy that situation. Spock also realized that there was some force here — something almost psychically evil — which affected Kirk's mind from time to time. He bit his lip silently for a moment, trying to find something to distract the human from his problems. "I was quite pleased with Mister Karlsen's reaction earlier," he began. "I believe he may well prove our new theory concerning psychic awareness to be correct."


Summary from publisher: "Kirk + Spock + a guy named Jerry? Is three a crowd -- or just crowded in bed? What will Bones say? Contains some menage."

Summary from Media Monitor: "A time travel story set in Earth's 20th century where Kirk and Spock are trapped without access to the Enterprise and must rely on strangers for their survival."

Interior Sample

Reactions and Reviews


Have you read Time Out of Mind by Keith Donovan and Nathan St. Germain and published by Pon Farr Press? It's one of the fem stories that goes at all in depth into the possibilities/problems of a three may bonding (Kirk, Spock, and some 20th century dude named Jerry who's supposed to be Kirk's spiritual double), also kind of amusing in places; a Lamborghini is not the type of car I'd generally picture as being the kind Spock would drive, for instance. [11]

This novel, originally titled Killing Time (the name was changed because of subsequent professional publication by the editor), is a work which, as its editor notes, will undoubtedly meet with mixed reactions from its readers. It is also a genuine oddity, a K/S zine with male authors -- or authors using male pseudonyms [12] -- and it is interesting to speculate on what difference this authorship might have made in the telling of the story. While on a mission designed to test some new equipment, the Enterprise, manned by Kirk, Spock, and a skeleton crew, is violently thrust into a parallel universe and back in time. This puts Kirk, Spock, McCoy, and a few others into our own 20th-century U.S.A. (Scotty, Sulu, and other crewmembers have also disappeared, but no one knows where.) Their efforts to return to their own time and universe and the events following their return (did you doubt they would make it?) form the main action of the novel, with a variety of complications added to spice things up. These complications are responsible for some of my own mixed reactions -- such things as mysterious psychic attacks directed against our protagonists, a single episode of anti-gay prejudice encountered by Kirk and Spock, McCoy's psychological deterioration, etc., all seemed to be thrown in for the sake of complication rather than growing naturally out of the situation or contributing either to plot or character development. Much of the action, then, seems mechanical or padded, manipulated by the authors and less convincing thereby.

The secondary action of the novel (or, according to your interpretation, the real primary action), is the working-out of the relationship between Kirk and Spock which is consummated in this alien timeline, and their subsequent relationship with Jerry, the central "native" figure in the story. The editor notes in her introduction that some K/S fans will be unhappy with the inclusion of a third party in the K/S scenario, but I did not find that particularly disturbing (of course, I like good three-way stories, but they're not to everyone's taste). Jerry is a likeable fellow, and his growing affection for Kirk and Spock (and theirs for him) is not unbelievable (the convolutions of introducing Kirkean counterparts — sort of--do not seem to be really necessary and are telegraphed so far ahead that any impact they might have had was lost on me). I cannot leave this review without some mention of production values — the type is substantially reduced for the first 86 pages (full-size for the last 76), and printed on a mustard-colored stock which, whether it was chosen because it pleased the editor's aesthetic sensibilities, because it would discourage unauthorized photocopying, or because someone got a great buy, makes the zine very difficult to read. That in itself is not sufficient reason to avoid TIME OUT OF MIND, which is an interesting and ambitious effort, but prospective readers should know that there will be physical as well as intellectual demands made on them by this zine. [13]
... in TIME OUT OF MIND by Nathan St. Germaine and Keith Donovan, a temporary mental aberration causes McCoy to voice acute homophobia. In this novel, both Kirk and McCoy are subject to fits of hostility and paranoia. What seemed to be happening is that temporal disorientation was disturbing their sense of identity, so that deeply buried fears and prejudices rose to the surface. McCoy suspects Kirk of seducing anyone male within range, labels this sinful and pronounces this very sinfulness as the cause of their failure to get home to their proper time. The novel calls these bouts "psychic attacks" which would mean that a purposeful entity was responsible for McCoy's uncharacteristic bigotry, but St. Germain and Donovan provide no evidence for the existence of any such being. So I suggest that the implication of all this ranting is that a fundamentalist preacher is buried in McCoy's unconscious. Perhaps so, but I for one was glad to see this ghost of Falwell reinterred. [14]
The person who wrote it does have an excellent imagination and continues to turn out even more wonderful work. [15]


A large novel with a lot of details, printed in two different letter types and layout. Part in very small letters over two columns and a part all above the page in letters of normal size. It didn't make the reading much more pleasurable. The story is set in a kind of alternate universe. Kirk, McCoy, Spock and some others are trapped on Earth in a different timeline. The earth they are now is in the 20th. Century. In overlaps periods it is possible for them to return. But they don't occur very often (remember the Tholian incident). They need a skeleton crew to operate the Enterprise to get home, and they try to find them among the people of this timeline, whose life are in this timeline is going to end soon. However, the people of this timeline are totally different of those from their own timeline; they lack the psychic awareness that the Enterprise crew has. One of that contacts is Jerry Karisen, the James Kirk of this timeline, although not exactly. They don't look alike because this James Kirk was killed here at the age of 10, and Jerry was his best friend. The essence of this James Kirk was transported into Jerry. The overlaps periods are responsible for a kind of psychic attack from which both McCoy and Kirk suffer. Spock is able to help them with the mindmeld. The underlying story is that of the psychic struggles and changes of characters, mainly of Kirk. Spock and Kirk bond, but not only with each other, but with Jerry as well. They manage to return to the Enterprise after a long wait and a lot of trouble. But then the problems are not finished. Kirk turns all Vulcan, his only feelings and actions concentrated of his re-found command. He endangers his relationship with Spock and Jerry. The story gives a lot of details and gives us looks in the minds of the characters, mainly Kirk's. It reminds me strongly of Alexis Fegan Black's 'Dream of the Sleepers' world, with the same kind of metaphysics, the same way of describing the turmoil which is going on in Kirk's brain. I liked the story, but when Kirk, Spock and Jerry turned out in a threesome, it was done for me. It makes me lose my interest. I like my Kirk and Spock to be together, exclusively and that's enough for me. To put a number 3 there between them just doesn't work for me. The whole personality of Jerry is unbelievable. Physically he doesn't look like Kirk at all, but their minds are almost the same, and that is why Spock loves Jerry. He calls Jerry 'little Jim'. Terrible. [16]


  1. ^ publication date listed in On the Double #3.
  2. ^ "TIME OUT OF MIND Publication date: 1985 164 pgs.- 2 column, very small print. Originally pubbed under the pseudonym, "Nathan St. Germaine & Keith Donovan", this is an alternate universe K/S novel by A.F. Black & Natasha Solten." -- STAR TREK FanZineS Gay Romance K/S Novels of Alexis Fegan Black, male/male, ship
  3. ^ Fanzines Plus
  4. ^ November 25, 2012 e-mail to Fanlore from Nathan St. Germaine.
  5. ^ Naked Times #4/5 part one is undated, but was published in 1981.
  6. ^ "KILLING TIME (now retitled to TIME OUT OF MIND) has just been completed, & is in the process of being mailed. Because our xerox machine is efficient but slow, we request your patience. We hope to have all copies in the mail prior to 1/30/85, provided the machine doesn't go belly-up during production." Publisher's announcement in Not Tonight Spock #7, Jan 1985.
  7. ^ from Datazine #12 (1981)
  8. ^ from an ad in Universal Translator #26
  9. ^ than from Naked Times?
  10. ^ from an ad in K/S Relay #4 (1982)
  11. ^ from K/S & K.S. (Kindred Spirits) #14
  12. ^ It is the latter.
  13. ^ from Not Tonight, Spock! #9
  14. ^ from the column, "Sexuality in K/S Fiction," by Linda Frankel in Not Tonight Spock! #11 -- that issue's topic was McCoy's role in K/S fiction, both written as a positive and negative force
  15. ^ from K/S & K.S. (Kindred Spirits) #17
  16. ^ from The K/S Press #25