Days of Magic, So Close to Me

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Title:	Days of Magic, So Close to Me
Creator:	Carol
Date(s):
Medium:	print, online
Fandom:	Starsky & Hutch
Topic:
External Links:	Days of Magic, So Close to Me; Days of Magic, So Close to Me
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Days of Magic, So Close to Me is a 2004 Starsky & Hutch essay by Carol.

It was printed in the SHareCon con zine.

Some Topics Discussed

• the emotional intensity of being a fan
• meeting the objects of your affection
• On Air With Ryan Seacrest
• the premiere of the 2004 Starsky & Hutch (film), being at a promotion interview with David Soul and Paul Michael Glaser

Introduction to the Online Posting

The year 2004 afforded S&H fans some unexpected bonuses with the release of the Starsky & Hutch movie starring Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson. The film caused a resurgence of interest in the TV show itself, and Paul and David were both in sudden demand for TV interviews and other guest appearances. They attended, with a good deal of fanfare, the LA and the London premieres of the film.

In LA, a long-time fan and friend to many of us in the SH community had a special opportunity to interact with Paul and David. She’s written extensively of her experience and posted her story to most of the lists. But Internet life is brief, and her story is a delight. I wanted it to have a longer life. Since Carol was planning to attend SHareCon 2004, I published her wonderful retelling of what it was like to meet Paul and David on the red carpet in LA in the con zine. Many thanks to Carol for her willingness to share the joy.

From the Essay

I remember the moment when I fell in love with Starsky & Hutch…the hug in the alley, The Fix…the hug…that rocked my world.

I remember the moment when that great love story captivated me…

I remember the first time I saw David and Paul, as themselves, on The Merv Griffin Show, in November of 1975…David sang Black Bean Soup, and Paul was beaming, clapping wildly with the cigarette in his mouth… I knew that love story was real…no one was ever, ever, ever going to take that feeling away from me. I was not just a teenager in love with her idols…I was a teenager being introduced to two men who would have a profound impact on her for the rest of her life. It was not a fleeting moment; it was the defining moment between having fallen in love with two fictional characters, and daring to believe it was real, off screen, as well…

I remember running to the store on Tuesday afternoons, my heart racing as I ran to the store to buy next week’s TV guide, anticipating reading what next week’s ep was going to be about…

I remember the weekly trek to the magazine store, pouring over Tiger Beat, and Sixteen, and Rona Barrett’s Gossip, and all of the movie magazines…

I remember the day when I read the TV Guide article when Paul said to David, “I’m down, I’m scared, I don’t know what the answers are…hold me.” It blew me away, completely blew me away…

[...]

I remember the previews one Wednesday night, long ago, when that familiar voice announced, “Next on Starsky and Hutch”…and they showed the preview for A Coffin For Starsky…I never thought the next episode would ever come…

I remember that spring when David sang Seem To Miss So Much on Merv In Vegas, and Paul came out, tears in his eyes, and told David that he was beautiful… No one was ever going to convince me that this moment was scripted…no one will ever, ever, ever take that moment away from my heart.

I remember the day I crawled to Paul Michael Glaser on my hands and knees… I remember being young and caught up in the moment, and the only regret I have ever, ever had about that moment was…I never got to tell him why… I never got to look into his eyes and explain… It meant so much to me, he had to know, David had to know… I crawled like a fool; I chased him with the rest of the screaming teenagers… We were young, we were obsessed, we were excited…but what real meaning did that moment have to me? What did it have to Paul? I always wished that I could have had the moment to tell him what was inside of my heart…but it was a brief, fleeting, ridiculous moment in Paul’s life…and in mine. I cherished the memory, but always felt guilty that I had done it. That was never what it was all about to me. I didn’t want to be the screaming teenager with the pinups… I wanted to be someone who had been profoundly moved by these two men… I remember in 2000, just after my 40th birthday, I finally got to meet the other half of my S&H soul. Driving to New Jersey, standing in a tent, letting 25 years of sentiment overwhelm me… I didn’t crawl to David. I stood in line, in a tent, in New Jersey…a middle aged women, dreaming of having that one moment to pour out my heart…but it just wasn’t the time, it just wasn’t the place. But I got my pictures taken, I had the chance to thank David in the end, privately, and had the ultimate kiss on the cheek from him… But still, my heart never got that chance to say what it so wanted to say.

Okay, here we go…

There is an anthem to the past week, for me, personally. I don’t want to jump ahead, but this one thing I would like to share… While waiting on the red Torino-striped carpet at the theater in Mann Village, Westwood, the song, which is basically the S&H movie theme, and also a song I loved while it played on the radio, during the original S&H years…has become THE song for my experience this week. Ironically timed, as I stood on the red carpet, and watched David and Paul heading my way… This song, by Chicago, was blasting out of the loud speakers, playing in the background as my lifelong dream unfolded before my eyes… The lyrics just riveted through my soul, my life flashed before me, it was 1975 once again, and a fifteen-year-old girl dreamed of meeting Paul Michael Glaser and David Soul, TOGETHER… The song was sentimental but not sad, it was cheery and upbeat, and so perfectly timed, as I looked up and saw Paul Michael Glaser, strutting down the red carpet, a bounce in his step, a twinkle in his eye, and his arm firmly, and ever so loving, wrapped around the waist of his partner, David Soul…my birthday present! Dare to dream…first season feelings, first season’s excitement, first season love…this is the anthem of my dream…

I don’t care what anyone says, or who or what would be considered the “Super Fan,” but I had been in love with the S&H relationship and with Paul and David’s relationship, through the ups and downs, the joy and the sorrow, the good news, the bad news, the ugly news, the lies, and rumors of the rag sheets… And all I know is, I owed them so much, straight from my heart to theirs…and that I had always cared…I had always, always cared, and wished them well, and made wonderful friendships because of them, known Paula because of them, had such remarkable experiences in my life, because of them…and most of all, I learned what love truly is…and that it endures…if it is real. And my love for them, if nothing else, has always been real.

The movie, the movie, the movie…how did they feel about the movie?

I didn’t hear many interviews, just the one’s closest to me. Paul, in these interviews, seemed the spokesman, as David proudly stood next to them, shoulder to shoulder, beaming as he listened to Paul speak.

“We took it as a compliment,” I heard Paul say, speaking for the both of them. David’s arm wrapped around Paul’s waist, and he pulled him closer, and nodded in agreement.

So close, so close…in mind, in spirit, in body…on this magical night…I studied them as Paul spoke so eloquently, and knew my time was upon us…

The nice lady from Warner Brothers whispered to me, “This is your moment…” and she interrupted the interview, and as promised, she was about to bring them to me.

My heart was racing, I was trembling…but suddenly, two pair of the most beautiful blue eyes were before me.

This was it. Twenty-nine years of waiting…29 years of wanting to tell them, truly tell them, what that show meant to all of us…not the car, not the sweater, no, no, no, it was never, ever about those things…this was my moment to represent all of the S&H fans who loved what I loved, who felt what I felt…

And so, with a very strong Boston accent in tow, I introduced myself, and how I had been chosen as the “Super Fan,” but quickly said that I represented all S&H fans…and that we were all Super Fans…that I had been waiting 29 years, since 1975, to say what I was about to say…I represent all “Stahsky and Hutch fans…”

My eyes danced from Paul’s blue eyes, to David’s blue eyes, plagued with my inability to ever play favorites with my guys…there they were, right in front of me, watching me, waiting for me to speak…

I tried to keep composed; this was the most important message that I would ever be entrusted to relay…

And with everything inside of me, with all of the courage I could possibly muster, and as they anticipated what I would say…I asked my first question.

F or a moment, I think they were a bit stunned… I don’t think they expected this “fan” to get deep… I didn’t mention the Torino, didn’t ask for an autograph, didn’t talk about the sweater… The words flowed out of my heart…the wonder of their relationship, the compassion, the trust, the love…the best of the human spirit that they had expressed and portrayed so beautifully…how many they had touched with what they shared together, on and off screen…how many friendships they inspired, how much warmth they placed in the hearts of so many…

I felt them both lean in… Paul first, coming closer, intensely listening, intensely keeping his eyes riveted on me, as I spoke…my eyes danced from Paul and then to David, but then my eyes held to Paul, and I could feel him breathing on me… I’m not sure I was even breathing…and I felt David lean in, although my eyes stayed locked onto Paul, I felt David intensely listening…

I was supposed to talk a bit, hold the mike to myself, and then turn the mike and hold it up to David and to Paul.

But that didn’t happen right away…they let me continue, my heart overflowing into words that seemed to matter to them… They “were” listening, they “were” understanding the message…

They knew it was my moment, my chance, my dream…and they so graciously stood by and allowed it to happen. Not just cordially, not just out of kindness, but they truly, truly seemed to care about what I was trying to tell them, what I needed to tell them. Not the car, not the sweater…it was so much more…

David…Paul…the relationship, the warmth, the beauty, the compassion, the caring…

The reason for all of this, and for all of these years, and for all of the friendships and all of the joy, and all of the love.

Standing side-by-side, so close, so close they touched…

Intensely listening, intensely caring… I knew, I knew…my words were deeply felt, and deeply accepted with such beautiful integrity upon their faces.

The message was delivered, trembling voice and all…but so very much received. Mission accomplished.

It was about love…on and off screen.

It was about love, after all.

It had always been about love.

It was still…about love.

And it all still mattered, to so many hearts, all over the world.

“Can I have a hug?”

And I think Paul said, “You sure can!”

And now, having been serious, having been sincere, having poured out my soul to those two beautiful, gorgeous men who have given so much to me…

Paul reached out, took me in his arms, held me so close…as I wrapped my arms around him…

And then I felt an intense kiss on my neck.

And then David and I reached out for each other, and he kissed me…

If I had stopped to think about what had just happened, I would have collapsed.

But there was one more dream left inside of me…just one request…

All of my life, all of my life…one request, one S&H related dream to dream.

And I went for it.

“Will you do something for me? Will you hug each other?”

Paul looked at me for a moment and said, “Wow, we’ve been doing that all day…”

But then he looked in my eyes, and again, he knew it was my moment, my heart had spoken, and he had listened…

And Oh, my God…

I was here, living out this dream, because of one moment, long, long ago, one scene from The Fix…one hug in the alley. My hug in the alley…

And I trembled as Paul pulled David close…and Paul rested his head upon David’s chest, and snuggled up to him, as David nestled his chin down upon the dark head…

And the little girl inside of me cried and cried…

When I was 15, I believed in the love, I believed in the spirit of the human spirit that so captivated my heart.

Two days before my 44th birthday, I not only still believed…but I witnessed it…before my eyes. There is truth in beauty. And there is beauty in truth.

Paul Michael Glaser and David Soul have both truth and beauty in their relationship. It has survived the most extraordinary journey of friendship, of distance, of time, and of endurance. It may not be flawless, but it is amazing, it is genuine, and it was an honor, a privilege, to have experienced viewing them, together, first hand…a moment that I will treasure, forever and ever and ever.

But my most cherished memory will always be the moment when I asked them to hug, and Paul rested his head upon David’s chest, and put his arms around him.

That moment is so precious to me.

When I was young, they taught my heart about compassion, and being loving, and caring, and giving…and most of all, about having the courage to not only love, but to accept love in return…and express it without holding back, without being afraid…

We climbed into the limo, and for the first time all that occurred over the past couple of days…after all of the frenzy, and hair, and makeup, and surprises, and highs…and finally, having that incredible moment to at last tell Paul and David how much they had given, how much it had mattered, how much we all cared…

I realized that…my lifelong dream had come true. The joy and the gratitude was so overwhelming.

And for the first time…

I just wept.