Ye Old Fanfic Retirement Home
| Meta | |
|---|---|
| Title: | Ye Old Fanfic Retirement Home |
| Creator: | Dasha K |
| Date(s): | August 2001 |
| Medium: | online |
| Fandom: | The X-Files |
| Topic: | |
| External Links: | Ye Old Fanfic Retirement Home |
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Ye Old Fanfic Retirement Home is a 2001 essay by Dasha K.
Introduction: "It's really nice here at Ye Olde Fanfic Retirement Home. There's cable TV, a pool, and an endless supply of margaritas. Pablo, the masseur, is quite a hunk. I'm quite content, hanging out with old friends like Plausible Deniability, Gwendolyn, Nascent, M.C.A., Blueswirl, and Swikstr. We play some mean games of canasta and endlessly harp on "the good old days." Yeah, retirement is good. Or am I really retired? I don't know. I can't seem to make up my mind... "
Some Topics Discussed
- The X-Files
- obsessions
- fiction writing
- fandom burnout
The Essay
I've never wanted to make an official announcement of retiring from X-Files fic because, as a writer, you never know when you're going to get bit by the bug of a story. I've known more than one writer who has made the official teary goodbye and then a year or so later been compelled to write something. It's quite a bind-- do you post under your old name and get people all riled up that you're "back" or post under a new name and face the possibility that the story will be ignored under the barrage of posts to the lists and newsgroups? Or do you simply write the story and post it for the enjoyment of a friend or two?So I'm not going to do it. You won't ever see an official notice of retirement from me. Because you just never know.
I remember the first two years I was involved in this fandom. I swear that I ate, drank, and slept X-Files fic. I'm surprised I didn't get my ass fired for printing out reams and reams of fic at work and constantly playing on my various fic related mailing lists. At home, I was always tripping over fic stacked up near the couch and desk. I lived for new stories, new authors, new ideas. And it always seemed as if a new idea for a story of my own was close at hand.
Some of the happiest hours of my life were spent at the cafe down the street, writing my little heart out and sipping coffee. For the first time in my life, I was having a writing experience that fulfilled me to the very core. I was learning new things and was able to try them out. I was being edited by patient and knowledgeable people. Hundreds and thousands of people were reading my stories and sending me email about them. I was learning to web design. I met intelligent, funny, and caring people from all of the world. I traveled to Houston, Dallas, San Francisco, Las Vegas, and London to meet my fanfic friends. I think I've met somewhere around 35-40 different fanfic writers over the years.
It was a heady experience. I wouldn't have given it up for anything.
But the question remains-- how long can an obsession last? How long can one person sustain this level of interest in stories that are basically about two people from a TV show?
I suppose the answer is different for different people. I know people who have been in this fandom, to varying degrees, for six or seven years and are still having a great time writing and reading. But for me, I'm just burned out on it. I loved XF fic fast and hard and now it's mostly over. I still hang on the fringes, belonging to Scullyfic, writing to friends I still care about, reading the very occasional story, checking ATXC and the Haven boards every few days.
Maybe it was what I perceive as the drop in quality of the show, maybe it was the fandom getting so damn big it was hard to keep track of anyone, maybe it was all the flame wars, maybe it was feeling that I was never again going to write anything as good as Blinded By White Light again, maybe it was wanting to read stories and books about people that weren't Mulder and Scully, maybe it was falling deeply in love and giving a lot of energy to that relationship, maybe it was wanting to try my hand at original fiction, maybe it was increasing responsibilities at work that kept me from farting around on the net during the day, maybe it was being tired from the rounds of writing/lists/boards/beta/newgroups...
Maybe it was just a matter of time and my time was up.
It's so weird. It wasn't like I woke up one day and decided not to write fanfic anymore. It happened so very slowly I didn't notice it creeping up on me.
I've written just one story in fifteen months. I remember when I wrote at least one a month. They weren't all good, but there were ideas, inspiration, words. I simply don't feel that inspiration anymore and I've learned that it can't be faked.
It makes me sad when I receive email that asks if I'll ever write again. Often, I can't even bear to answer it. I just don't want to deal with the fact that it's over, it's really over and I can't ever go back to the way it once was. It's like remembering an old lover whom you truly loved but you can't stand being around anymore. It's a mixture of sweet nostalgia and guilt.
I don't really know what to say here except that I want to thank everyone who has made these three and a half years so magical. I'll never forget the writers who inspired me and made me laugh, think, and cry. I'll always remember the readers who took the time to send me such supportive, funny, and touching email. I'm so grateful to the archivists, list owners, forum managers, etc., who work so hard to build community. And to my beta readers over the years, I just don't have words for you. Thank you isn't enough.