Loving Can Be a Heavy Cross
| Fanfiction | |
|---|---|
| Title: | Love Can Be a Heavy Cross |
| Author(s): | Sharon F |
| Date(s): | 1986 |
| Length: | 87 pages |
| Genre(s): | slash and het |
| Fandom(s): | The Professionals |
| Relationship(s): | Bodie/Doyle |
| External Links: | |
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Loving Can Be a Heavy Cross is a Bodie/Doyle story by Sharon F. It was published in the print zine Teo Torriatte.
This controversial story has a fix-it fic by the author called Imprisoned by Mistake that was published in The Hatstand Express Fiction Supplement #7.
Spoiler!
This story "takes up about half of the zine and includes death of a major character and het scenes, though it all turns out to be unreal at the end."[1]
Sample Gallery
title page for "Loving is a Heavy Cross"
footnotes for "Loving is a Heavy Cross"
art for by Jean C. for "Loving Can Be a Heavy Cross"
art for by Jean C. for "Loving Can Be a Heavy Cross"
art for by Jean C. for "Loving Can Be a Heavy Cross"
art for by Jean C. for "Loving Can Be a Heavy Cross"
art for by Jean C. for "Loving Can Be a Heavy Cross"
Reactions and Reviews
Unknown Date
But yes, the non-death story that makes me cry is the one where they really tried, and utterly failed, to make their relationship work, where reality thwarted them and their own fears won over their love. **sniff** I don't actually remember many stories *like* this, and the two or so I can think of off the top of my head are both Pros, and both M Fae's. Death stories absolutely make me cry, if they're well-written. (Just the *title* of "Loving Can Be A Heavy Cross" makes me whimper; that was lovely, sentimental OTT mush at its *best*.) It's the only death story that I wish had *stayed* a death story, instead of having been "fixed" at the publisher's request.[3]
1990
[Sharon F's] "Loving Can Be A Heavy Cross". I know some consider this story to be a major disappointment with its 'Dallas-esque' ending, but it made me euphoric that the lovers at least had their chance. [4]
1992
To Jane and Linda on "Loving." This story appeared in the zine "Teo Torriate" published in 1986. It was edited by [Sharon F]. This was one of the first Pros zines I bought and it is very good, even with "Loving." There were several excellent stories and some very good poetry. That year at Z Con, it was voted best zine and contained the story that won best story. Like both of you though, I was outraged over "Loving." Unlike you, Jane, I didn't think it was that good a story even without the ending. It is MUCH too long, even for a death story. The beginning is a real grabber, with Bodie's death but then Doyle just goes on and on and on and on, to the point where I was skipping huge sections of the story. It could have made its point in about half the pages. "Dorothy, Dorothy, honey, wake up." [5]
Death stories do not depress me, they may make me sad _in the story_ (that is, within my associated reading of the story), but they don't effect my life. As a matter of fact, catharsis while reading a particularly emotional story may brighten my general outlook on the world. One of the best done death stories ever (not counting Endgame, of course) is "Loving Can Be a Heavy Cross" from Teo Torriate. (I never read the "dream" ending, but the rest is great. [6]
1993
Yes, the waking up part was a cop-out, but I respect her for continuing the story through to show the dream's aftermath and how it all falls out. This is a flawed plot carried out with perfect execution! I liked the poetry intermix. Sometimes I like a good wallow, and this one provides it without being too heavy. [7]
This is a really wrenching Bodie death story, with Doyle coming to terms with his unexpressed feelings for Bodie, and his desire to live on. Don't count the Dallas ending. I've heard there's an original ending out there somewhere, but I've never seen it. [8]
1996
Loving Can Be a Heavy Cross (by Sharon F): a novella where Doyle tries to deal with Bodie's death when they *didn't* become lovers. They ran out of time before Doyle could deal with his fears, and now he has to try and live with it. Went through about 3/4 of a box of kleenex during this one.
It was a very well written story but it also affected me deeply. I really like most of Sharon's stuff, so I might be a wee bit biased. Let me give you more details though, maybe that will help you decide if you want to read it. The story begins with Bodie's funeral. Doyle is at the cemetary but doesn't attend the actual service because Bodie said specifically that he didn't want a funeral. Cowley held one anyway (funerals are for those left behind) and Doyle is pissed. We find out through the backstory that B&D came close to becoming involved; Bodie was very obviously in love with Ray and Doyle loved B too. They almost began a physical relationship at the CI5 New Year's party. B had drawn D off for a private toast in a cupboard; but Cowley walks in on them right as things start to get interesting. Doyle is horribly embarassed and pulls back from B and a relationship (thinking of course that he has time to get used to the idea and be more comfortable with it). Unfortunately, Bodie is killed before they can try again. There is a scene in this story, at B's flat after the funeral, where Doyle comes close to suicide, thankfully Cowley talks him out of it. Doyle takes B's journal (not a diary, but a collection of poetry and quotes that he wrote down, or in some cases, wrote himself) and reads it throughout the rest of the story. He stays close to B this way and is almost able to gage what period of B's life the journal represents by the meaning of the poems (tears galore from me). He also has dreams of what might have been as well as conversations with the dead Bodie; in fact there are times when Ray wonders if he's going bonkers. There is a whole subplot (which I didn't really care for) with a girlfriend of Bodie's who Doyle turns to for comfort. In a way, she's supposed to represent Doyle's ability to go on or move on with his life (Bodie even leaves him a letter saying that he found her for Doyle and he should be with her).
Now the ending might be a problem for a lot of people. It didn't really bother me all that much though. I won't write about it here, but if you want me to discuss it let me know, I have no problem giving the ending away.
[SPOILER] E asked for it so here is my spoiler for the ending of Loving Can Be a Heavy Cross.
Well it is a bit cheesy, after 85 pages or so of heart wrenching agony (did I mention that the first line of the story starts out "The gravelly drumming sound of first dirt cascading onto the bronze coffin lid..."?), Doyle asks Astrid, B's former girlfriend, to marry him. He's not sure if the relationship will last, or that he loves her; he doesn't really care, he just knows he can't be alone. A very masculine voice answers his mumbled question "Would, but Cowley'd be upset. Against the law you know". That's right folks, it's all been just a very realistic dream. Now some people might feel cheated (a la Bobby in Dallas), but quite frankly by this point (having gone through 3/4 of a box of kleenex as I mentioned before) I didn't care. I just wanted it fixed. I would have cheerfully accepted Sam and Al from QL, space aliens, pagan ceremonies for raising the dead at Stonehenge, heck, even Mr. Peabody, Sherman and the Wayback Machine; all without batting an eye. Just to have Bodie alive again and give Ray his second chance.
There is a rumor about the ending that I'll pass on. I've never confirmed it with Sharon herself though, so it is just a rumor (and if I'm wrong please correct me). Story goes that originally Loving had a different ending; Bodie was really dead, Doyle married Astrid and in the finally scene as she's talking to him, you realize that he's in some sort of mental institution. Apparently he couldn't handle B's death and his guilt and lost it. Rumor has it that the first few people who read it told Sharon she better change the ending, cause if she put it out like this Pros fans would be coming after her with some rope looking for the nearest tree. If it's true, I'm very glad she listened to them - lord only knows how much chocolate I would have had to eat after reading that kind of ending! [9]
I've read that other ending. It's called Imprisoned By Mistake : do they have the faith to let it pass?" by Anonymous. In upper case before the story begins it says: "an alternative ending to "Loving Can Be A Heavy Cross," published in Teo Torriatte." Very disturbing story, as I recall. [10]
References
- ^ from The Hatstand
- ^ from The Hatstand Express #11
- ^ Michelle Christian's post to a private mailing list, quoted with permission.
- ^ comments in Short Circuit #2 (July 1990)
- ^ from Short Circuit #11 (1992)
- ^ comment by Megan Kent posted to Virgule-L, quoted with permission (November 11, 1992)
- ^ from Short Circuit #13 (1993)
- ^ comment by Megan Kent posted to Virgule-L, quoted with permission (July 30, 1993)
- ^ from a fan on Virgule-L, quoted anonymously (November 11, 1996)
- ^ from a fan on Virgule-L, quoted anonymously (December 2, 1996)