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|Fandom:||Starsky & Hutch and Harlan Ellison|
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It was printed in Strange Justice.
Some Topics Mentioned and Discussed
- Starsky & Hutch and the actors who portrayed them
- Harlan Ellison, he of the undead
- supernatural elements
- a uterus and stillbirths
- science fiction
- selling one's soul to network television/being trapped in a television show, which is a nod to Paul Michael Glaser's battles with his contract
- a sly pun on Aaron Spelling, the producer of Starsky & Hutch
- 'Twas in the winter of '75;
- Hardly a fan is not alive
- Who remembers that pilot, remembers the year.
- But few know the truth of the men they revere.
- In a section of L.A. our heroes existed.
- Two cops on municipal payroll subsisted
- (I don't mean the actors, for Glaser and David SoulSoul
- Were themselves out there looking for some juicy role).
- But Starsky and Hutchinson really did breathe
- On this earth, paid their taxes and bills, and they'd sheathe
- Real guns in their holsters, and kissed whom they kissed.
- That's the gist of their lives; to their fate now, please list'
- The portal was low, only four feet in height.
- Both the men had to stoop; when they turned round, the bright
- Sourceless glare showed the panel elaborately carved
- By an intelligence profound, or a humanity starved:
- Blocks and knobs, squares and eyes, in a logic confusing.
- Hearing Starsky gasp. Hutch turned around, though refusing
- To credit his eyes for the sight they supplied.
- For it was a huge globe about two meters wide.
- And a murky mist swirled round a body inside.
- Though full grown, from its stomach an umbilicus tied
- The man-fetus to membraneous walls. With one stride
- Hutch approached the oblivious child. The globe's skin
- Was like flesh, soft and warm, somewhat pliant, akin
- Unto living glass—were such a thing in this world.
- A movement within made Hutch peer; there uncurled
- The bare, bearded adult babe.
- It looked like someone Too familiar...
- It hit him. There lay Ellison.
- Starsky sighed. "Kinda seems like you'd tire of it all.
- Don'cha find life repeats on you?" "Nope, life's a ball.
- Always women to love, always art to enjoy;
- I've got stories to tell, enemies to annoy.
- Ah, but do I detect some ennui in you. Jack?
- Is policing a bore, is L.A. hard to hack?
- Would you like to get loose of the same old routine?"
- "I'd just like to get loose," put in Hutch, unserene.
- Harlan smiled a dread smile with one half of his face.
- "Well, your whim's my command," as he unzipped a case.
- Took a typewriter out. "Now your life will have reason.
- No meaningless pain, and you'll relive each season
- In summer again. I can't change the past.
- But I can set the future to something steadfast.
- Because I've got the power to make timelines budge.
- To effect holy justice, or settle a grudge.
- As I wrote Watergate in revenge on the Spiros,
- So I write my last script for the Teat — fuck you Heroes!
- And a shuddering change fell on Starsky and Hutch,
- Being shrunken and flattened, and pressed by the touch
- Of a blackened glass screen. Claustrophobic, unsure
- Of the mad scrivener's vengeance, they heard a soft whirr-
- Jazzy music blared up in the background; a street
- Formed around them, truncated, chopped off, incomplete;
- Their beard stubble was gone instantaneously.
- And their badges morphosed from "L.A." to "B.C."
- An error in Spelling Starsky cried, "God, Hutch, no!"
- He shivered. "We're stuck in a TV cop show!"
- And the grin in the sky faded out like a cat's
- As their epitaph loomed there:
- "HCTUH & YKSRATS"