Draco Malfoy Is Not A Leather-Clad Bisexual Sex-God

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Title: Draco Malfoy Is Not A Leather-Clad Bisexual Sex-God
Creator: Kari
Date(s): 2000s - likely before 2004
Medium: online
Fandom: Harry Potter
Topic: Fanon Draco
External Links: Draco Malfoy Is Not A Leather-Clad Bisexual Sex-God; WebCite
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Draco Malfoy Is Not A Leather-Clad Bisexual Sex-God is a meta essay written by Kari. Is it written circa 2004 and later hosted on We Like Girls, a hatelisting for the Draco/Harry pairing.

It is short essay/rant against the Fanon Draco depiction commonly found in fanfictions. Kari disagrees with this portrayal and believes it is against canon. The essay also discusses Harry/Draco pairing, which Kari also finds ridiculous, as well as comments regarding some of the female characters.

The essay was discussed numerous times in the fandom, both in mailing lists and journals. As a result, Kari amended the essay with a note for fans not to repost the article without credit. [1]

Excerpt

Regarding Draco:

Sorry to crush everyone's fanfiction daydreams, but Draco Malfoy is the kind of person who commits hate crimes against leather-clad bisexual sex gods. I never did understand the obsession with making all male Slytherins into gay bondage freaks in leather pants, and frankly I don't want to. But let me dispel this little fantasy for you. I don't know who started it, I know too many people who like it, and I wish people would stop fueling the flames with the crazy fanfics. Draco is nothing like he is in stuff you read on the fic sites, people. Read the books, and take a reality check.

JK Rowling said it herself in an interview. "People are taking Draco way too far." Her words exactly. Doesn't that make you feel just a bit guilty for screwing with her character? I mean, just open one of the books. Any of them, take your pick. Flip to a page with Draco Malfoy on it. Funny, I see no mention of him wearing a leather body-suit and making googly-eyes at Harry. Am I missing something that everyone else is seeing?

Think about it. Draco has Lucius Malfoy for a father. Now, people have made Lucius into a leather-clad bisexual sex god in fanfiction, too, which I find too funny for words, but still. Lucius Malfoy is a Death Eater, he's twisted, and he would have no problem with killing anyone who disagreed with him, obviously. If Lucius Malfoy had a bisexual son who wanted to wear leather and seduce boys, he would give him the Avada Kedavra quicker than you could blink. Then he'd erase Draco's existence completely, claim he never had a son, and force Narcissa to squeeze out another boy who was a carbon-copy of Lucius himself. The end.

Regarding Hermione Granger:
This also goes for fans who insist on Draco being a misunderstood straight boy in leather who falls for Hermione. Not gonna happen, people. Deal with it. Hermione Granger is ugly. Argue with me all you want, but she has bushy (not 'curly', or 'wavy', or 'elongated locks of honey': bushy), dull brown hair, ugly, bucked teeth up until the fourth book, and she isn't much on the eyes at all unless she spends hours making herself over with the aid of some heavy-duty hair gel and some make-up.

References

  1. "( NOTE: Fans, before you use this article, or any other piece I have written for any of my websites, please please please credit me for it. Believe it or not, I have already seen this very article plastered up on about three or four separate websites, not to mention in people's personal blogs and journals. I even saw one D/Hr fan's blog where she mentioned receiving it in an email. Please be respectful, first off. People might not like your pairing, but that doesn't justify wasting your time and theirs by telling them things that they don't want to hear. And give me a little credit? After all, it might spare you a flame or two! )" -- Draco Malfoy Is Not A Leather-Clad Bisexual Sex-God; WebCite, accessed November 6, 2017