Dancing Penises

Convention skit
Title	Dancing Penises
Fandom(s)	Star Trek: TOS, Kirk/Spock
Author(s)	Kandy Fong, PJ, Carol D., and Donna
Troupe	originally by Kandy Fong and her friends: PJ, Carol D., and Donna
Date(s)	1985, 1986 and 1997
Type(s)	Skit
Location(s)	IDICon, Shore Leave
External link(s)	The Quickie, aka The Dancing Cocks
Related articles on Fanlore.

photo from a fan calendar, creator and photographer unknown Note the double ridges on the right hand one.

Dancing Penises (aka "The Dueling Pensises") was a convention skit celebrating/satirizing K/S slash fan fiction.

It was loosely based on the Broadway play, 1776.

There's no escaping it! Yes, they've taken the beloved musical (Ok, the almost well known musical) 1776 and turned it into a lurid, fan-infested, smutty travesty of the original. See the musical that opened on Broadway (so, it was the corner of Broadway and 4th St. here it Houston). It was a blockbuster.

The 1985 and 1986 Presentations

It was performed originally at the 1985 IDICon by Kandy Fong and her friends: PJ, Carol D., and Donna.

It was repeated at the last IDICon in 1986.

It also may have been performed at 4-Play & Beyond.

See fan comments.

The 1997 Presentation

It was then recreated/remixed at The K/S Press room party at Shore Leave 1997. A fan in 1996 wrote about hatching the plot for this 1997 redux:

To answer your question about the green penis suit. At the last Shore Leave con several of us sat at the feet of a long-time Trekker who told us how things were at the old K/S cons 'back at the time of the beginning.' One of the acts performed involved lovingly colored penis suits (one in daring dusky rose, one in ever popular, enticing olive) interacting in a lively dance set to music no less, until both the dance and the penises came to a logical climax.

Terri thinks it would be a shame if this wonderful piece of K/S performance art were lost to the world forever, and wants us to restage it for this year's Shore Leave. Terri is not firing on all thrusters.

There were photos of this event in The K/S Press #13 and a video of the skit was shown at one of the Revelcons.

A video of this skit was available on the first tape in The K/S Press Songtapes.

See fan comments.

Comments by the Original Creators

2007

See IDICon and 4-Play Con: An Interview with Kandy F. and Marnie S.

In Legacy, Kandy Fong details the history of the skit. It is reposted here with additional edits by Kandy Fong:

None of us were very good singers, and heaven forbid, we couldn’t dance, so we sat around drinking this bottle of really bad wine, and I said, why don’t we reduce it to the basic elements, just two penises, right? So I sat down and edited some songs together on my little tape recorder and I went to a sofa factory place and told them I wanted to make mushroom costumes, so I needed big pieces of foam. Carol D. was a genius with a sewing machine. So we did various things. For Kirk, of course, he was pink, and we had these fuzzy yellow pipe cleaners. Spock, of course, was mint green, and he had fuzzy black pipe cleaners. This was big enough for a woman to wear. The cone part fits on her head. I hollowed out a little hole, and she has to hang onto it under the costume. They couldn’t see out. They could see down to the ground, they could see to walk off the stage, but they couldn’t see what was there. The Spock costume had double ridges (inspired by Gayle's art) The heads were carved foam, the shaft fabric. Both costumes had inflatable beach balls covered with the fabric as the balls. Spock's were 'internal" until he saw Kirk coming towards him.

So we fly in to Houston and it’s very late at night and there were no taxis except for one guy who looked really scuzzy. And we had shipped these things inside a big refrigerator box on the plane to get them there. The shaft was fabric & the balls could deflate, but the heads were solid foam covered in fabric & they were huge. And he said, I can’t get that in my cab, lady. And I said, okay, fine, so we’re taking these out and putting them into the trunk of the car. So we get to the hotel and it’s late night...okay, fine, I sling them over my shoulder and I march up to the front desk and I get my room, with this big penis costume hanging over my shoulder.

So we go onstage and thank goodness Dixie had a camera, and she actually taped it. It starts off with Spock just lying crumpled in the center of the stage and the music is, “I am a rock, I am an island.” And he’s crumpled in on himself. And all of a sudden you hear “Macho Man.” And out comes Kirk, bouncing out onto the stage, and Spock does this “huuuuhhh?” and “looks” over at Kirk, and there’s the “I want to want you, I want you to want me” kind of thing, and they’re kind of rubbing up against each other. And then they get fully erect, both of them and we started doing the “1812 Overture,” and they’re banging against each other and at the end they do the big cannon thing and I grab a double handful of clear candy which I throw up in the air, and then they collapse upon each other.

2012

From a 2012 interview with Kandy Fong and Marnie S:

KF: But at any rate, what happened then n Phoenix , of course, was we had three years now of us all getting together, of us having this wonderful entertainment—

MS: Oh yeah, the entertainment got more elaborate each year. By the third year, Lezlie and Cynthia had done a takeoff—a filk version of 1776... that was based on the fan wars. Which had broken out because all the new fandoms were cropping up like crazy, and there were opposing camps: The Starsky and Hutch people versus the Pros people versus the original Trekkers, and back and forth and this and that. And so, we did a whole opera on them. I have most of that on tape that Dixie made, and the year before that was when we did the Ghostbusters one.

KS: Yeah, and then you did the—

MS: With the Vulcan Vestal Virgins.

KS: Yes. (laughter) Yes, and the—

MS: And the deely-boppers— And we took that on the road to Camp Con (Space Trek?) the year prior to that, we tried out some of the songs.

KF: Well, four of us in Phoenix saw that. And, it was PJ, Carol, Donna and I, and thought, well they are so wonderfully entertaining to us, we have to do something back for them. But, y'know, we're really not singers, we're really not dancers, what can we do? So we sat around with a bottle of wine cooler. And, I don't drink, and I said, well, how about if we distill down the basis of the cock of the, ahum, Kirk and Spock— (laughter)

MS: —Freudian slip, Freudian slip! (laughter)

KF: Yes, ah, down to their basics, and how 'bout if we do a cock show? And—

MS: I have that on tape, too.

KF: I have it too. Luckily Dixie Owen would come with her video machine, and I ended up putting together a video from the two years. But the first year we ended up going there, and we had a huge seven-foot, and a six-foot cock. Kirk of course was a little shorter and thicker, Spock was taller and thinner—

MS: Was very green—

KF: —very green with two, with a double ridge on the top. What we did basically is, we took this foam that was used in couch cushions, very dense foam, and we'd sculpt it with an electric knife—

MS: Electric knife— (laughter and coughing)

KF: —so that we had the proper shapes. Carol, who—a little insider—ended up working doing the— In the beginning, for the Barney TV show? She actually did the animals and things and the costumes for Barney. Anyhow, she was our designer who—

MS: (laughter) Sorry.

KF: —made the fabric that came down from the head all the way down— And then for the balls, we're thinking, "Well what are we going to use?" And I said, "Well, listen, we gotta carry 'em on the plane. How about if we use beach balls covered in fabric, 'cause then we can deflate them." And then of course we had pipe cleaners for the hair and furry bits.

MS: I remember when you brought them. Oh my god.

KF: And we figure, so we— And I put together a list of songs, and we had little snippets of songs. We started out on the stage with Spock all kind of bent over and just kinda hunched. And he had the little song, y'know, "I am a rock, I am an island." And of course you hear from off-stage the signs of "Macho Man."

All: (laughter) (indistinguishable shouts)

MS: "Macho, macho man"—

KF: —and on the stage Spock goes "Huuunh?" and immediately his two balls come out— (squeals) —yeah, from underneath—

MS: —from underneath, boing!

KF: —and his head starts coming up a little bit, and coming up a little bit, and then the Matt Davis song, "I want you to want me, I want you to need me."

MS: The entire auditorium was in hysterical—

KF: And then of course the finale is the 1812 Overture climax with the cannons going off!

MS: Complete with, was it—

KF: It was, it was—

MS: —did you use confetti that time?

KF: No, it was white candies wrapped in plas— in cellophane which I then threw up by the handfuls for—

MS: Yeah. Woooo! Multiple overlapping voices: —for the climax.

KF: For the climax, yeah. And, the audience was hysterical.

MS: Oh my god.

KF: I mean, here she is, taping in the front row, and you can barely hear— you can't hear the music on the original tapes—

MS: No, 'cause everybody was laughing so doggone hard—

KF: —so when I, so we did that—

MS: —it was just tears running down your face by the time it's done.

KF: We did it the third year, and then there was this break in Phoenix—

MS: —and the one in Phoenix—

KF: And then— No, we didn't do it in Phoenix.

MS: Yeah you did!

KF: No—

MS: You did it for us in Phoenix, you sure did.

KF: Okay. I don't remember that.

MS: Yes. (laughter)

KF: We did it, and did a repeat in Houston, for their—

MS: Yeah. 'Cause you did it at "Foreplay and Beyond," and then you did it again—

KF: ’Cause you guys just wanted it so badly, so much.

Transporting the Props

From a 2012 interview with Kandy Fong and Marnie S:

KF: Now, of course the four of us are flying in from Phoenix to Houston, because it's a long, long drive.

MS: (giggling)

KF: And, they put these things in refrigerator box, okay, 'cause they're— I mean those foam is just—

MS: Can you imagine trying to get that through today, through the Homeland Security and the TSA? (laughter)

KF: So you have them in this huge refrigerator box, and we've got into Houston, and it's the last— it's at night, and the airport's closing down. The taxi guy goes, "Lady, I can't get that in my car." You think, "Okay, fine," so we open it up and take them out— (laughter) —and we put them in the car— in there with us. We don't want to put them in the trunk where they'll get dirty. The last thing we need is dirty cocks. (laughter)

MS: Like they're not dirty enough already.

KF: So we get to the hotel, we're gonna go head in, so what— I just had to be brave. I just take it and sling it over my shoulder— (laughter) —walk up to the desk, and check into the hotel. "What am I carrying? I'm not carrying anything." (laughter) "Oh this? This old thing. Just found that in a closet." What the heck.

Fan Comments

Original 1980s Presentations

And there was the first slash convention, IDICon, in Houston in the 80s. I'll never forget the time a hotel employee came in during the art show to do something with the air conditioning. The auctioneer flung her body in front of the explicit art being auctioned, and "filibustered" until the guy left. Then there were the pink and green penis-shaped piiiatas (ouch!), the "dancing cocks", the creatively- named alcoholic beverages. I still don't know what was in the drink called "green Vulcan cum", but it sure was good!

There was a skit about a fan "Congress", based on the musical "1776", that, was priceless. It would be a kindness if the people who wrote it, would provide a copy of the script which could be printed in a zine.

The 1997 Presentation

Several years later, some fans decided to recreate this skit at the 1997 Shore Leave:

...the highlight of the evening had to be the famous "Dancing Penises"! This was an idea from what had been performed at a K/S con many years ago. Actually, this time, the idea came from CD (she's extremely modest) and she put in so much work, it was amazing. This woman designed and sewed these enormous costumes all herself, fitted them to the players, made the accompanying music tape, rehearsed and choreographed. She is simply an amazing woman. The show was hilarious. [name redacted] played Kirk's penis and her entrance was funny and scary as she knocked over a large screen on her way to Spock's penis, played by [name redacted]. Just the sight of this giant pink penis bouncing in to strains of "Macho Man" brought the house down. And the giant double-ridged penis, sitting sadly by itself to the music of "I Am A Rock" was so funny. But the best part was their excited erections and climaxes to the tune of "The 1812 Overture"! Mere words cannot describe how funny this all was. These two huge writhing, erect and rampant penises dancing around was a sight to behold. Brava to CD! I wish I could tell you her name because she deserves to be honored for all that hard work. But most of you know of whom we speak. But two more Brava's go to [two names redacted]—who bemoaned their fate at having been volunteered to do this and who sweated inside the hot costumes and got a case of stage-nerves before showtime and who performed (so-to-speak) beautifully!

...an appearance of the out-of-this-world "P.P.'s", as Amanda Warrington called them. Yes, the famous Dancing Penises! They were wonderfully brought to life by Terri Rett and Carolyn Spencer, and the choreography was superbly done by Carol D. Yup, music and everything. You gotta see it to believe it.

The Dancing Penii. What can I possibly say that would do justice to this modern dance masterpiece? The brilliance of everyone involved cannot be overestimated. My mind was just agog at what I was seeing. I kept thinking that no one outside of K/S fandom would ever understand why gigantic, pink and green dancing penises are so hysterically funny.

Nobody so far has mentioned the technical glitch that marked the opening of the DP skit. We had to ask everybody to close their eyes while the organs in question got into position, then we were going to start the tape with the music. But the music wasn’t cued properly, and everybody was really understanding, and in the dark, while we fixed the problem... The skit opened to I Am a Rock by Simon and Garfunkel, while Spock drooped with disinterested unhappiness. Then Kirk entered, all jauntiness, to The Village People’s Macho Man. Nobody struts and turns those jaunty shoulders like [name redacted] does! And hey, guess what, Spock perked up a little! Then the guys swayed next to one another during Bread’s Baby I’ma Want You, occasionally rubbing, ah, heads and otherwise expressing the highest of emotions. This produced considerable interest and an expansion in length and energized movement during Let’s Get Physical. Finally, the event reached the heights, and its most logical conclusion, during The War of 1812 Overture.

For me, the K/S Press party on Friday was a definite high point. The concluding ‘romance of the penises’ is something I will not forget soon. The two penile implants who brought such artistic spasming to the performance have my appreciation and respect. There was also excellent food, some of it very tasty and cleverly presented. Filks, contests and games added peaks of pleasure to an already terrific evening. It was truly wonderful to see over 50-odd (just a figure of speech) K/Sers in one room. Thanks to Jenna and Shelley ( I know, you only ate bon- bons) for all their work. The result will be long remembered.

The party ended with the traditional c--- dance which I had only heard of and never seen. Boy, was it an eye opener. It was fantastic and many applause to the dancers and coordinator for give such a splendid performance.

Morgan Dawn is visiting, and we're having a lovely time with her. What does that have to do with the subject line, I hear you ask? Well, we got out some old songvid tapes last night, and watched, for the first time in ages, the Dancing Cocks of Revelcon. Two fans in body-sized cock costumes, one flesh colored, one green (of course), to appropriate music (like "Physical") ending in some classical piece with a wonderful, shall I say, climax, ending with them crumpling around each other sated (and doubtless exhausted in the heavy costumes). It is absolutely hilarious, and other good example of how as fans we are so good at entertaining each other when we try.

Photos from this play caused some 1997 stress and embarrassment, and is an example of Explicit Zines, and Print Shop Adventures.

I had the most embarrassing experience preparing the letterzine this month. I always go to Office Depot, and for months now the manager, a very competent-looking, gray-haired woman has been looking at me with a questioning look in her eye. Undoubtedly, she’s gotten a look at the material she’s printing!

I asked her for help in printing the photographs, and it turned out the big machine behind the counter did the best job. I could see the smirk on her face as she turned to start. I was working on copying Courts of Honor, so I went away for a few minutes, and when I returned to the counter she had placed the picture of the Dancing Penises face up, smack in the middle of the counter, where no one could miss them. Not even a cover sheet! And a middle-aged black man (probably a minister! innocently copying material for his Sunday School class!) was gazing down at the picture and the caption with riveted interest.

I walked up and reached for the stack of copies, and he was so startled to be caught staring. “Oh!” he said faintly. “Pardon ....” He never did get the rest out, but backed away, clearing knowing exactly what he had been looking at.

The manager looked at me blandly, and darn it, I know I blushed red! She knew exactly what she was doing .... And tomorrow I bring in Shelley’s prints and the letterzine. Oh, God!

Twenty-Plus Years Later

After the creation of this Fanlore page, the image of the Dancing Penises continued to circulate to a new generation of fans.

In 2012, a French Kirk/Spock website translated this Fanlore page into French. The skit was recreated at the K/S Press Party at Shore Leave in August 2012. The skit was repeated at Kiscon 2013.

In 2013, a tumblr user zombiewretch reblogged the above screencap adding:

"SOMEONE WENT TO A STAR TREK CONVENTION IN THE 1980’S AS SPOCK AND KIRK’S PENISES I AM NOT MAKING THIS SHIT UP. THEY PERFORMED SPIRK THROUGH INTERPRETIVE DANCE."

teddybearsandspaceships' response:

"Fyi, Fanlore has several detailed descriptions of the Dancing Penises. Reason #2435 why Fanlore is awesome."

In 2014, twitter user Melissa tweeted:

"Scrap all other Cosplay ideas we had. We're doing thissssss..."

On March 19, 2021, the Fanlore Committee spotlighted the Dancing Penises page as part of its 'Fannish History Friday' social media feature, with an animated graphic created by Jercy Dee. This feature prompted more amusement and disbelief from fans encountering the phenomenon for the first time, as well as fond recollections from those who knew about it.

kirkhuffmanbf
i beg your pardon

StarTrekHeathen
God bless our heritage and culture

bjkwright
I didn't see in erson but it was hysterical.

shredsandpatches

@madmarvelgirl remember this?

#gotta love old school trek fandom #and its preoccupation with vulcan dongs

enthusiasticconsentacles and elementalsight
I love fandom.