Never Let Me Down

Zine
Title:	Never Let Me Down
Publisher:	Manacles Press
Editor:
Author(s):	Shoshanna
Cover Artist(s):
Illustrator(s):	no art
Date(s):	October 1992
Medium:	print
Size:
Genre:
Fandom:	Professionals
Language:	English
External Links:	Shoshanna's Pros fanfic via Wayback / The Circuit Archive / AO3
Click here for related articles on Fanlore.

Never Let Me Down is a 100-page (56,000 word) Professionals slash novel by Shoshanna.

The zine sometimes appears on fans' Desert Island lists.

Summary

Shoshanna's story summary for it is a quote from the band, Depeche Mode: "I'm taking a ride with my best friend. I hope he never lets me down again."

From On the Double: "A new relationship-driven novel which offers a refreshingly adult Bodie and Doyle, confronting their emerging relationship in a realistic, (and very, very, very sexy) story."

Online

The zine is now online in several locations:

• On Shoshanna's own site, here (link goes to her Pros fic section; you can see her comments and a link to any warnings before clicking the story).
• On the Professionals Circuit Archive, here.
• One AO3 here.

Author's Comments

I had a fascinating discussion with Sandy after Escapade. I know that some people really didn't like Never Let Me Down but, for reasons which I understand, almost none of that feedback has reached me. (Praise is more gratifying, but intelligent criticism is more interesting.) So I was asking Sandy about it, and she said that someone had posted a comment on the net that asked, essentially, "Where was the joy? There wasn't any joy in the story," and several other people immediately agreed that that was a major reason they didn't like it. I thought a minute, and agreed with the posters. They're right; in the sense that I understand them as meaning the word, there is very little joy in the novel. I find that I'm rather suspicious of "joy," and really prefer a more problematic working- through; although I can enjoy a gloriously happy ending, it's very difficult for me to write one. (Sarah can tell you about having to explain to me why "Sule Skerrie" worked; I didn't believe the ending while I was writing it.) There are moments in the novel that, to me, serve the same purpose as moments of joy, showing how well the guys mesh together (part of what I mean by "identit-blurring," five paragraphs above); but they're much subtler. I'm thinking specifically of their effortless mutual understanding in the pub tracking the killer of Murphy's grass, and while they're minding Cowley. "They had little chance to talk as they escorted their boss from rendezvous to rendezvous, but they were perfectly meshed, each the counterweight of the other, with Cowley at the pivot. After each terse conference was over they turned together as if synchronized." These are the moments which, for me, provide joy. This difference in attitudes toward joy points to a difference of taste in romantic fiction that I had not seen or been able to articulate before, and one which figures very strongly in Lezlie's criterion of affect for slash... In what I write I am more comfortable creating, and happier with, moments of comfort, of mutual accommodation, of tension-releasing relief, and of possibility rather than ensured achievement, than with pure joy.

Reactions and Reviews

Unknown Date

NEVER LET ME DOWN is a novel by Shoshanna published in 1992 by Manacles Press and now oop. The zine comprises 100 pages and 56,000 words. It's printed on good-quality stock with a plain but attractive cover and interior lay-out, and dark, legible typefaces.

Manacles Press zines are generally well-edited and well-presented. Typos are not a problem in this particular zine, and punctuation and grammatical faults are minimal. My main complaint in this regard concerns a tendency to include different speakers in the same paragraph rather than making conventional divisions, but that's likely the author's style rather than the press. I saw a few American spellings, but they weren't particularly intrusive since the general vocabulary creates the sense of an English setting; the word-choices didn't jar me. I'm not a Brit reader, though, so mileage will vary.

Shoshanna is an adept stylist. She doesn't create textual fireworks, but her writing is straightforward and accomplished. Her style perfectly suits the telling of this particular story, which charts in small, lavishly detailed increments the growth of the B/D relationship. This novel is, quite simply, about sex. The story's thrust, its string of major scenes, and its purpose are all bent to a leisurely exploration of a developing sexual relationship. Specifically, it's the story of a Bodie who perceives himself as straight and a bisexual Doyle who initiates his partner into the dynamics of male/male sexuality, along with the romantic and emotional intimacy that accompanies the sex.

Doyle, well aware of his nature, has been in love with his partner for years. When he eventually takes a chance and reveals his feelings, his reward is a broken partnership and a burnt bridge to their old relationship that can never be rebuilt for either of them. What ensues instead is the building of a new relationship as Bodie slowly explores both his own previously unplumbed emotions and an awakening interest in gay sex. The beauty of this novel is the slow pace at which the author takes Bodie (and us) through the gradual steps of his learning about himself and the new possibilities in his life. An act which disgusts and horrifies him--such as his partner kissing him--becomes, after days of pondering and some burgeoning fantasies, both a source of curiosity and a marker of emotional revelation. That is, when Bodie is himself ready to kiss Doyle, the act is for Bodie both a study of the physical differences in kissing a man rather than a woman, and a step further into his realisation of his emotional commitment to Doyle as something other than, yet allied to, partner and friend. Each physical act they perform together is explored within the context of Bodie's fears and pondering, his curiosity, framed with his ever-increasing awareness of the crucial part of the equation: that it's not just a man he's with, but Doyle.

The tight Bodie-pov is used effectively to generate the tension that underlies even innocuous actions:

They settled into a pattern they'd played out many times before: Doyle chopping and cooking, Bodie helping, laying the table and snitching bits of the rice and veg whenever Doyle put down the big-bladed knife. Only this time there was a difference, like an electric charge, so that whenever they touched, whenever they brushed past each other in the kitchen or their legs met under the table as they ate, Bodie felt the jolt, through his stomach and into his chest and his groin. Doyle's tongue, eating, endlessly drew his gaze, the way his throat worked when he swallowed. Would he swallow like that when...?

Tension, or apprehension, or anticipation: Bodie felt as though the whole day, the run, the dinner and all their talk were leading up to that implacable moment when he would be in bed again with Doyle, naked. And then....

Readers who don't like leisurely explorations of both nuance and event might not enjoy this novel; I happen to love finely detailed texts that are willing to take all the time they need. Nothing is shorted in this exploration; nothing is rushed or skipped. Kissing; frottage; oral sex; Bodie's first visit to a gay pub; the huge step that is anal intercourse: each of these events is explored with attention to the feelings of a man who is working his way into a strange, new country. Providing links between the intimate scenes and Bodie's pondering about the changes in himself and his life are glimpses of ops. The working partnership as an integral part of the relationship is given proper weight; these characters are of CI5 although the story's focus is on their private relationship. The characters are recognisable and refreshingly mature. Doyle is the experienced one here, Bodie the reactive initiate.

I enjoyed reading this novel very much. As it happens, a specific element in the relationship dynamic militates against the novel working for me personally, but that's entirely subjective and has nothing to do with the quality of this text. I probably shan't ever reread this story for that one subjective reason alone, which is a pity. I regret it because this novel is rewarding on almost every level. I recommend this zine to anyone who enjoys a mature and in-depth exploration of the growth of an emotional and sexual relationship between Bodie and Doyle.

1992

... Manacles published it. It was written by [Shoshanna], and gets my vote for best pros novel of the year -- possibly best slash novel of the year; I'll have to think. It is very gay male feeling, while still definitely slash. A nice trick to pull off. Very realistic romance; first timer. I loved it.

1993

Shoshanna's B/D novel "Never let me Down" is a wonderfully realistic portrayal of a man's introduction to the gay community and all it entails. It's written from an emotion-centered perspective, so it's light on the action-adventure stuff. But I found it well-written, and 'gay life' realistically portrayed. (Okay, I admit it. I went through the same transitional stages that Bodie did, and so empathized a major amount with this particular characterization.) In addition, AI (anal intercourse) isn't the 'be-all' and 'end-all' of the story. The author stays strictly in Bodie's POV, and his transformation from 'perception of self as straight' to 'perception of self as gay.' If you are looking for a non-stereotypical slash romance with a realistic (as opposed to romantic) edge, I heartily recommend it.

Well, I hate to tell you this, but I DID NOT like "Never Let Me Down". I found the writing style awkward (did get a little better after chapter 3 or so), with very little descriptive ability, and the dialogue often sounded unnatural. Worse, it failed to convey B&D to me--they just didn't SOUND like B&D a lot of the time. I couldn't "hear" their voices when reading the dialogue.

The first few chapters seemed quite rushed, as if the author hurried through them in order to get to the first sex scene. (I think this is confirmed by the fact that the sex scenes are much better written than the rest of the novel.) There is no convincing CI5 activity going on, either--little bits of unimportant assignments pop up haphazardly, thrown in to interrupt the sex. I could tell the author didn't care about those parts at all, which made them rather boring.

As for the "realism" of the gay/bi sexual "awakening", this didn't work for me either. [Warning: some plot revealed here]: Basically, in the first chapter Bodie discovers that Doyle is bisexual (D makes a pass at him); Bodie violently rejects Doyle and the whole idea of his being bi, acts repulsed, disgusted, and angry. But then, in the next few weeks, he finds he just can't stop thinking about Doyle and the whole concept of making it with a guy, and by chapter 3 he's ready and willing to have sex with Doyle, out of a mix of curiosity and jealousy. Later, he "suddenly remembers" a sexual encounter he had with his best friend when he was 14, and how he must have blocked it from his memory until now. Now I can buy all of that as realistic experience, but as one of my esteemed Clarion Workshop instructors always said, "Real life is no excuse for fiction." I'm not going to say a novel is good just because it "really happens like that". Yeah, of course it happens like that. But Ms. Green failed to convince me that it was believable for her characters to go thru those sorts of actions/reactions. She failed, first of all, to convince me that these guys WERE Bodie and Doyle, which is a major failing in my view. She further failed to convince me that Bodie would go thru such extreme psychological changes so quickly. Basically, my feeling was that the first part of the novel was terribly rushed, motivations/relationships skimpily developed, and all she really wanted to do was get to the first sex scene. Nor did I believe Bodie so thoroughly forgot his teenage experience. Again, the author failed to make this believable; it sort of just popped up there, almost like, "Oh, by the way, I just remembered that my best friend and I got it on..." I guess what I'm saying is that every situation she set up that had tons of angst potential was written in that rushed, skimpy fashion, more telling than showing, and her descriptive ability was practically nil.

Oh, and it also didn't sound "British" enough for me, which is fairly essential to my enjoyment of B/D.

I will add, in order to be nice, that the second half was better than the first, and the scene(s) where Bodie goes to the gay club were much more believable than the other parts. But one or two believable scenes in a 100-page novel isn't good enough--I give this one a thumbs down.

Sorry to be so negative, but it was a very disappointing read.

(Depeche Mode is playing in my head right now.) I liked this one. In fact, I like it better than most. These are real people, dealing with their new truths realistically. Other fen I talked to didn't like the realism, which floors me. I appreciated the fact that one of the partners really doesn't like anal sex (seems a new idea in slash? Given the wide variety of human sexual activities available, I'm sometimes amazed at the sexual repetition in slash stories.) Well, I will just go reread this novel, for the pleasure of it. Thank you, Shoshanna.

Thanks for bringing up a perfect example of what I dislike. I have NOT cared for Shoshanna's Pros stories, and now I think I know why. See my earlier reviews of "Never Let Me Down." 4th wave writers who don't seem to care that much about the ORIGINAL source material do not speak very well to 1st and 2nd wave readers. Not to this one, anyway.... In looking back over my review of "Never Let Me Down", I note that my main complaint was that it "didn't sound or feel like Bodie and Doyle to me". This is the same sense I get from many A/Us, as well.

Doyle is a difficult character. There is no easy gimmick to hang on him except for flying temper and sharp tongue. Pages and pages of "Bodie said nothing" as a response to something that bothers or upsets Bodie, feels right, as he swings between the puerile boasting type, the soft, wounded, vulnerable type and the dangerous silent type. However, it seems a strange response for Doyle (unless he's sulking, I think). Fretting and tormented by ideas, he is the most chatty one of the two (though that might be more fancanon than canon), not one to keep quiet. His major defect seems to be hot temperament (Cowley and Bodie in dream memories in Discovered in a Graveyard both told him so). With Doyle's police background, It seems to me that his training in communication should be vastly superior to Bodie's, as many situations (domestic, hostages etc...) are resolved through talk and negotiations, and Doyle was a good cop (tops, Bodie had said in that same episode). This idea tallies with my one experience as an official French/German translator in a police station. Doyle is harder to define. Just as from one angle to the next, physically, he seems to be a different person, there appears to be some creative fluidity in his mental make-up.

Your sex-scenes, Shoshanna, were enthralling and educational. Sex scenes, although I enjoy them, are seldom the highlights of a story for me. as I usually prefer intricate plots (that I don't necessarily understand). Sex scenes, then, act like the cream on the strawberries. But your rendition of them seems researched and accurate, and I One frustrating thing about your story, is that you often refer to dialog, rather than flesh It out. Do you have problems with dialogs? (this would explain this avalanche of "Doyle said nothing's). The dialog there is is lovely: Murph talking about his sister was nice. I personally would have wanted much more of Murph's reaction as a third party (both because I yearn for third parties reactions in stories, of which I am often deprived, and because I am mightily fond of Murphy). I loved to watch Bodie squirm. The last bit about Bodie explaining to Doyle that what he did wasn't what Doyle thought, though it was, was great too.

Never Let Me Down -- Frankly, this one let me down. I distinctly remember finishing it and thinking, where was the joy?. For me, a lover of angst-ridden Sebastian (face England and curtsey 5 times) stories, this was an alien thought until I realized I didn't mean happiness, but intensity.

If you are looking for a non-stereotypical slash romance with a realistic (as opposed to romantic) edge, I heartily recommend it. A stereotype according to Webster's conforms to a pattern. Yes, slash romance follows a pattern, but so does "Never Let Me Down", fandom just hasn't settled on a name. I think of this type of story as "PC Slash". Giving Bodie and Doyle the attitudes and experiences of American homosexual '90's males isn't any more realistic than treating them like bodice-ripping heroes and heroines. Both sets of writers are doing the same thing, writing stories to fulfill their own wants and needs. Bodie and Doyle are MEN, a condition which female writers (straight or lesbian or bi) have a difficult time relating to. B&D are also British, a different culture we Americans assume we understand because we almost speak the language. Also, B&D was set in the late '70s early 80's, so there is the historical context to get right. Even if you left out sex entirely it would be next to impossible to get a realistic story.

Tangent alert!

Calling any slash story "realistic" reminds me of my problems with the Jenkins book. Yes, he did treat fans as active participants rather than passive TV-watching drones, but he really pissed me off in his chapters on slash. For those of you who haven't read it, he did an overview of the various "theories" of slash. Despite the academic bullshit, he was very approving of slash since we were turning the action genre on its head and making it fit our own needs. Then he finished the chapter with a section called "Fans Debate Slash". That's when my blood pressure sky-rocketed. You see, slash isn't politically correct and that is a big problem for academics in the social sciences/English departments. Jenkins makes it sound like fans are clamoring for more AIDS stories, female slash and stories putting Bodie and Doyle squarely into gay culture. I felt like he was patting fandom on the head, the implication being that non PC slash (one or both of the characters being hetero; he's not gay, he just wants to suck his partners cock, etc.) would evolve into PC slash as soon we quit buying into the same cultural and media myths we had supposedly already destroyed by writing slash in the first place. So, basically, we've come a long way, baby; but not far enough. Let me hasten to add that there very well may be fans who want more gay studies stories, but they are no more "evolved" politically or emotionally than fans who want Bodie portrayed as a Hessian Mercenary and Doyle as the tough, but vulnerable spy for George Washington's head of intelligence, Mr. Cowley.

I have to disagree with Lezlie about "Never Let Me Down"--I enjoyed the writing very much, the story held me (through most of the night when I meant to be sleeping, between the first and second days of Virgule!), and I found the characters recognizable--guess that's just a matter of taste! I agree that writing with a political axe to grind rapidly becomes tedious, but I decidedly do not think that's the case here! I believe there's a great deal of difference between writing to the dictates of a political agenda, and writing a story which is kept consistent with a political position--the first tends to be strident and boring, while the second, in which category I find NLMD, I find as good as the writing, which in this case I thought was wonderful.

1994

It let me down, big time.

An imperfect-sex recommendation: [Shoshanna G's] "Never Let Me Down." Bodie's fear of identifying himself and being identified as gay really dampen his enjoyment of the sex at first -- to the point of losing his erection a time or two! The Lads gradually get better at the sex as the relationship develops, but they still have very different physical preferences. It's very realistic and very well written (and novel-length!), but it took me quite a while to decide if I liked the novel. I do, but it doesn't rank among my favorites just because I do want to read about mind-blowing sex.

[L] gave me a Shoshanna Green story that is apparently controversial, too "realistic" for some tastes. Doyle is bi and comes on to Bodie. Bodie initially freaks, but slowly, step by step, enters the relationship. Shoshanna did what I felt was a clever thing to create conflict and misunderstanding by having Bodie asks Doyle questions, and then turn ugly over the answers, especially at first. Leery of his jealousy and hostility, Doyle becomes reluctant to answer questions which while indeed tinged with the above, are also legitimately curious - which gave her reason to have Bodie go find his answers elsewhere, which let her have a nice traumatic emotional scene between Bodie and Doyle. I thought this was all perfectly apparent to the reader without her having to explain it. We are dealing with it as the characters do, and it is explained through their voices (at least that is how I remember it, hope I'm right!). We never know things about them that they don't know themselves (except via fannish knowledge - but fan writing is different because of this aspect, no matter what POV is used). No omniscient voice is explaining it to us. I thought it was a really good story - though I did think that in trying to keep a hard-edged, masculine feel to the sexual descriptions they were a shade too clinical. She could have indulged the emotion a bit more without losing the effect.

... I didn't enjoy NLMD--because it WAS American "Gay 90s" men, and it WASN'T Bodie and Doyle slash. You've done a brilliant job of clarifying this for me.

I have to disagree with [Alexfandra] about "Never Let Me Down"--I enjoyed the writing very much, the story held me (through most of the night when I meant to be sleeping, between the first and second days of Virgule!), and I found the characters recognizable--guess that's just a matter of taste! I agree that writing with a political axe to grind rapidly becomes tedious, but I decidedly do not think that's the case here! I believe there's a great deal of difference between writing to the dictates of a political agenda, and writing a story which is kept consistent with a political position--the first tends to be strident and boring, while the second, in which category I find NLMD, I find as good as the writing, which in this case I thought was wonderful.

I have no objection to realistic writing--all other things being equal (of course--all other things are never =, but for the sake of argument), a good hot story which is blatantly UNrealistic breaks the suspension of disbelief, and even if it's really hot, I occasionally find myself saying, "But wait, they can't DO that!", so I appreciate reasonable amounts of care in presenting situations plausibly. Clearly no woman can be truly "realistic" in writing from the POV of a gay man, but that's no reason to ride roughshod over reality. Yes, it's writing "by women for women", but it doesn't hurt to remain consistent with what I know of the world. I have the same problem with alot of the fictional injuries I see in fan writing (and in the shows, of course!)--as a nurse, I can't just pretend to believe the miraculous cures and instantaneous healing some writers offer me--it stops me in my tracks (just a few days ago, when I asked for an example of a good hurt/comfort story, I was shown one in which one character's had the stuffing beat out of him and his palm punctured [ouch!], so his partner comforts him by soaking his hand in a bowl of AMMONIA [ouch! ouch! ouch!], and before you know it, they're fucking like bunnies. Maybe if I weren't a nurse this wouldn't bother me so much, but I can't help but think, "He's really badly bruised--that must hurt like hell!") and I just can't ignore it.

If a story is clearly meant to be fantasy ("Bodie is an elf" sort of thing) then of course reality is irrelevant--and I guess I'd be more willing to stretch my credulity for hystericals (although I do appreciate the avoidance of unnecessary anachronisms!), and of course you can get away with a lot in space, but if it's theoretically set in the here-and-now, I like to be able to recognize it!

Filled with realism, emotion and sexual detail, delightful to read -- and "the relationship is the plot!"

I just read Never Let Me Down and really, really liked it. People didn't like the "realism"? Huh? I thought it was all the precise description, of both actions and feelings, that made the book so interesting.

I actually have talked to a couple of people who didn't like NLMD. I looked at them like they were mad, but... One of them said she couldn't even finish it. It 'made her uncomfortable' what ever that means. She's by and large not an Oblique reader either, but I don't know how much style overlap I think there is between Shoshanna and Oblique's usual style (though I know they've pub'ed on or two of her stories.)

My problem with it was that it was very male-oriented. It was beautifully written, well-plotted, but what I as a female want from a relationship wasn't fulfilled. For example, AFTER Bodie has sex with Doyle he goes and has an encounter with a stranger. That is a guy thing to do. But from the female/slash perspective, that is sex without emotional intimacy. Having sex with Doyle is supposed to CURE that practice, not instigate it.

In Shoshanna's novel, when Bodie picks up the complete stranger and has sex with him, I felt impossibly sorry for Bodie - it was one of the best parts of Shoshanna's novel, because it is perfect - I felt it was just exactly what that Bodie would have done, and exactly why he would have done it. I find it unbelievable that all you can see is that Doyle is supposed to have cured Bodie of wanting sex without emotional intimacy and that therefore this scene is out of place.

1995

You want to talk recovery? I can't believe I haven't seen anyone refer to Martha's 600ish page S/H epic "Distant Shores" in this conversation. Depending on who you talk to (or 'to whom you talk' for the grammarians among us), it is either the Great American Fannish Novel or the biggest bore in fandom. Hurrah for differences in taste. Look it up if h/c including recovery is to your taste.

2004

Never Let Me Down is a long, relationship-driven, CI5-universe fic - my absolute favorite kind of Pros story. Interwoven throughout are details and events from their work, but the focus of the story is entirely on the gradual evolution of Bodie and Doyle's relationship. And I do mean gradual - this is a story in which the relationship issues aren't immediately or handily resolved. Instead the relationship progresses haltingly, incrementally; it stutters, two steps forward one step back, as they deal with new experiences, both physical and emotional, and face and attempt to overcome the various hurdles that arise. It's both painful and hopeful, and so realistic.

The biggest hurdle is Bodie's difficulty coming to terms with his attraction to men, and the author's depiction of this is one of the things I like best about the story. Roused unwillingly from obliviousness to the truth of his own nature, Bodie finds himself faced with an unwelcome self-realization. He reacts first with misdirected anger and then attempts denial, but he is fundamentally honest with himself, and ultimately he can't - won't - ignore what's at the bottom of all this: the reality of his feelings for and attraction to Ray. So Bodie struggles with his identity, with his fear of how others might view him, with the idea and reality of sex with another man, with the displacement caused by such a rapid change in his self image.

These struggles ring very true to me, accurately reflect how I think the character might react and behave, and they are sensitively, movingly, and beautifully handled. Some of Bodie's feelings aren't very admirable, but he never becomes a caricature, he's never portrayed as one-dimensional, and I never stopped liking him and feeling for him - a testament to the author's skill and understanding of the characters. Shoshanna always lets us - if not Ray - see through Bodie's outward behavior to the very real pain and confusion and fear he's feeling; we never lose sight of his fundamental decency, and we can see how deeply he cares for Ray. Bodie's "gayness" clearly extends beyond Ray, but you get the sense that he'd live pretty happily in denial if Ray didn't mean so much to him; his struggle is in a sense a testament to the strength of those feelings.

Bodie's coming to terms with himself, adapting to a new way of thinking about himself, is a gradual process, though never ponderous or boring, and one of the things that makes this story compelling for me is its measured pacing. The author lets it all unfold in its own good time; it's a journey, and the author gives due weight to each step. This gives the story a particularly realistic feel. It also gives us a chance to really "get to know" the characters, to understand them and become attached to them as they move slowly toward togetherness. And the characterization and voices are excellent. The story is written tightly from Bodie's point of view, but the author quite effectively gives us insight through Bodie into what's going on with Ray. The insights aren't Bodie's, but we can make our own interpretations of Bodie's perceptions; this is what makes third person limited so powerful when done well, as it is here. Of course there were times I wished for more knowledge of what was going on in Ray's head - that's inevitable when the POV is limited to one character, I think - but this would have required that the author write another fic; switching between the viewpoints in a single story would, I think, have significantly diluted its impact.

As it is, the story, for all its measured pace, is exceptionally powerful and memorable. And - quite importantly for me! - the author manages to craft a wonderful, incredibly satisfying ending without compromising the realism. It's not a utopic ending - you know it's still going to be difficult for them; all the problems aren't resolved. But it's got an incredible sweetness, and you also just know that they're going to be together in this, together through it all. I like that feeling - that there's much more to come, but a fundamental barrier has been surmounted, so the outcome is inevitable - they're going to make it now.

And there's something incredibly sappy-smile-inducing about seeing these hard, tough guys fumble with tenderness and accept with somewhat bewildered and hesitant joy the spectre of real love.

So: we have a long, relationship-driven novel, exceptionally skillful and controlled writing, appealing, authentic characterization, very good smut, a little angst, a happy ending, all in just about perfect proportions. That right there is a recipe for my ideal slash story - and Never Let Me Down has a permanent place of honor on my bedside table.

Ah, yes, now this one I can completely see. Though the lads do inadvertantly hurt each other, it's not done out of malice. And I think Bodie's gradual acceptance of his new feelings for Ray are especially true to life. I really enjoyed how he went from shocked hesitancy to an aggressive, "I want to know all about it" attitude. Seems just like him.

...when I first read it, I was fairly new to fandom and barely knew Pros at all, and I felt like it was far too dark. When I picked it up again a few years later I couldn't imagine what I'd been thinking - dark? Not hardly. I mean, it's not schmoopy at all, but it's so moving in so many ways, and it's got such a nice uplifting ending.

And yes, I totally agree about Bodie - I could sympathize with his desire to know. It was harder for me to understand why Ray was so unforthcoming - his explanation at the end didn't seem like quite enough. In fact, my only real issue with this story is that sometimes Ray was a little too opaque, even for a story written in tight third; I wished sometimes for a bit more material (Bodie's perceptions, of course) from which to attempt to interpret and extrapolate the reasons for some of Ray's actions.

For example, one thing that left me feeling a bit skeptical was in the final scene - how Ray, who was apparently experienced in being in that position sexually, hadn't attempted to evoke those responses from Bodie earlier; how he was so surprised at the end to learn that Bodie liked it, as if he didn't realize blokes sometimes do. You'd think he would have known that and would have attempted earlier to see if Bodie would react that way.

On the other hand, though people have sometimes complained about it, I had no trouble at all believing that Bodie would "forget" the impact his behavior in that last scene would have on Ray, how Ray would figure out from what Bodie was doing that something must have happened. I could see Bodie being so overwhelmed by all this new stuff and these rapid changes that he would just ... forget.

(I'm trying to talk about this without giving too much away, in case someone who hasn't read it takes a look at these comments - hope I'm not being too cryptic!)

I am reading the story now and enjoy it though I know strictly nothing to the show and its background and whereabouts (so, I'd like to get some short explanations). I was just a little surprised by the abruptness of the first move from Doyle, who tries to kiss his partner without warning;I know there must be a case to set the misunderstanding necessary to the plot, but it's a little hard to believe; I would have expected some ambiguities in the previous scenes, that could have somehow coloured the mood in sexual or at least sentimental shades. And Bodie's reactions seems to me really excessive, not in his inner feelings (he may be deeply shocked) but in their outward expressions; Afterall, if I understood well, he was a soldier and homosexuality is not uncommon in the military world! In fact I would better see the roles reversed...But I have still to get throughout the story.

2005

One of my favorite slash tropes is the straight man who finds himself attracted to a male friend, and has to deal with that. This story handles that scenario brilliantly, with a bisexual Doyle making a pass at a very surprised Bodie. The connection between them is so strong that Bodie has no choice but to come to grips with the notion, because the thought of not having Doyle in his life is unacceptable. There's no sudden resolution, no easy slide into acceptance and arousal -- this is a slow, halting process that feels very real.

2009

[Comments from The Reading Room]: first page, 104 comments archive is -- second page, 95 comments archive is

A skillfully written, beautifully paced novel that draws the reader in early and keeps their attention until the last paragraph. The setting is pure CI5 - the characters feel real, the friendship finely detailed. When things become complicated, when Bodie finds out that Doyle is bi and can't deal with it, when the knowledge brings his "internalised homophobia" (author's description quoted on Pros Lib) to the surface, it's the thread of friendship that keeps them talking and prevents them breaking apart completely.

I couldn’t put the story down (I love reading online and I hate zines with a deep and abiding loathing) but I don’t think I’d re-read it.. I think the fascination and ‘page turning’ stemmed from the study of the gradual turn-around of Bodie’s thoughts and feelings and the light that shed on some homophobic attitudes. I really wanted to know how he would resolve it all and from that point of view the story was compelling and satisfying. As a psychological study it worked. I wasn’t too aware of the Americanisms until somebody pointed them out. What does sometimes irritate me (in a lot of stories) is the way life in the seventies and eighties is portrayed... However, I can ignore this whilst I’m reading if the writing is otherwise good - and it is. Where dissatisfaction crept in, for me, was in characterisation. I’m very ‘multi-fandom’ in my reading and I trust authors to remember that not all their readers will be as familiar with canon as they are. In this case, I do know the canon quite well but if I hadn’t I’d have been truly confused. Yes, it’s from Bodie’s p.o.v. but we get no real view of Doyle - very little physical description, no clues as to his behaviour, tastes etc. And we get very little more about Bodie, outside the relationship. There is nothing in the story to tell me why these guys should even trust each other as partners, let alone fancy each other physically or regard each other as close friends. Although there’s a lot of CI5 detail none of it is followed through so we don’t get any sense of the kind of work they do overall. Their backgrounds/histories are alluded to but there is little or no clarification. I notice other people wondered why Doyle wouldn’t tell Bodie anything and various reasons have been put forward - all the answers are pure speculation and based on Doyle as we know him from the series, not on anything the author tells us. So the story was written purely for dyed-in-the-wool fans. I accept that - just saying that that kind of story isn’t for me. Whilst a shared canon can add to the enjoyment of a story I prefer a story that can stand alone. This doesn’t.

... it is one of my all times favorite, if not THE favorite. I keep re-reading over the years, and it never stops griping me... I love first time fics, but, for me, this one is one of the best because of its' realistic feel. When I read it, I always feel like this is exactly how it would happen in real life, if Doyle made a pass at a seemingly-straight Bodie. Bodie's initial reactions, transforming from shock, to anger , to not wanting to know, and finally, curiosity, just feels "right" to me. Can't imagine a man , especially one with a strong character like Bodie, who believes himself to be attracted to women only, just jump for joy and enthusiasm when his best mate makes a pass at him… Also, Doyle's reaction to being hit by Bodie also feels just right to me. I can't bear fic's with an effeminate, damsel-in-distress Doyle. It's just SO not how I remember him from so long ago…

I still haven’t finished this story but I wanted to bung this down before it got lost in the whole concertina-effect and apologies for any repetition.

I loved the story, I loved the voyage of discovery Bodie makes (with Doyle’s assistance) and for Doyle, too, it seems like an awakening exercise for him because I suspect it’s the first time he’s actually been in love with a man (or I get the impression it is) so I would imagine it makes the whole act of sex different for *him* - more a thing of wonder (as opposed to a purely physical need) because it’s Bodie he’s having sex with, his Bodie.

I love the way the writer traces Bodie’s feeling, his thawing towards the idea that Doyle wants him and that he, in turn, might want Doyle. I love the way he gets used to the idea - justifies it - the way he gradually convinces himself that sex with his partner is the natural corollary of their friendship.

I love the realism, the plausibility, Bodie’s confusion because I think he *would* be confused. (*I* was confused by Doyle’s insistence that it wasn’t just about sex for him when that’s all he seemed to centre on, initially – he doesn’t try and talk about it with Bodie first, which I think he might have done seeing as they were best mates etc.etc. and I don't think he even has an inkling that Bodie's feeling might mirror his, so it was an enormous risk).

2014

...the first story that really impressed me was "Never Let Me Down" by Shoshana. Foolishly, I objected against some aspects of the characterization while I had only read three or four stories at the time. I got flamed, even on "metafandom", and brutally so, with the result I decided to stay in the fandom and fight back. A long time later, having bought and watched the DVDs, I concluded that my first opinion about Bodie's character was...perfectly right... [second post a day later]: Questionable is maybe too strong a word. First I must say I really liked the story, which, much later, I told Shoshanna (who, by the way hadn't been part in the skirmish, or even aware of it, and was rather amused by the whole shebang). My feeling was the incident that triggered the clash between Bodie and Doyle (the kiss) just came out of the blue, with almost no preparation and, moreover, given what I knew of Bodie's (at the time very little) Bodie's reaction was very excessive and rather out of character: I could have seen him embarrassed, annoyed, or taking Doyle's move as a bad joke and, either mocking him mercilessly or pushing him away without much consideration, but not behaving as he did in the story: belting him brutally and asking for a break of the partnership. Of course the story line and its plot needed a clash but the cause should have been much more serious. My opinion is still the same, especially after having watched the episodes.