Fanfic: Why I Do the Voodoo That I Do
| Meta | |
|---|---|
| Title: | Fanfic: Why I Do the Voodoo That I Do |
| Creator: | Dasha K |
| Date(s): | 2001 |
| Medium: | online |
| Fandom: | The X-Files |
| Topic: | |
| External Links: | Fanfic: Why I Do the Voodoo That I Do |
| Click here for related articles on Fanlore. | |
Fanfic: Why I Do the Voodoo That I Do is an essay by Dasha K.
Intro: "If you're a fan fiction writer and are relatively open about it with your family and friends, like I am, you probably get weird looks and comments like: "Why do you spend so much time on writing about TV people? I mean, it's not like you're getting paid for it or anything?" Or my personal favorite: "Why don't you write something REAL?" We just don't get no respect, do we? But sometimes, late at night when I can't sleep (gotta cut down on those lattes, although the local Starbucks and Caribou would go broke without me), I ponder that question myself. Why have I devoted more than two years of my life to this pursuit?"
Some Topics Discussed
- writing fiction, writing fanfiction
- obsessions
- The X-Files
Excerpts
And then college ended and I moved into the real world, got a job, an apartment, a life. And I stopped writing for years. It just seemed pointless. If I wrote a story, maybe two or three friends would read it, smile and say, "That's really nice, Dasha." (Dasha isn't my real name, but you get the point) I just wasn't inspired to write, so I didn't. That hurt. Writing had been a big part of my life, and my identity, since I was small and I felt lost and purposeless without writing. I thought about taking some classes, but never quite got around to it. Besides, I didn't feel like I had anything to say.
This is when fanfiction sort of sneaked in. I have to admit something terribly embarrassing now. When I was in seventh grade, my girlfriends and I wrote a kind of fanfiction (although we didn't know the name for it) about, of all things, the Minnesota North Stars hockey team. We were big fans and in love with all the players. My best friend and I wrote a 300 page epic about how Dino Ciccarelli, the left-winger, met her and they fell madly in love. Can you say Mary Sue?
I first heard about the concept of fanfic in a book of critical essays about Star Trek: The Next Generation. I was a fan of the show, although not to the extent where I went to conventions or wanted to learn Klingon. The idea of writing stories about a television show, of expanding the universe to one's own specificaitons was a very attractive one. But I didn't do anything about it. At the time I had no internet access and besides, I didn't think theStar Trek world was one where I'd feel comfortable writing. I'd have to know about warp drives, phasers and stuff, and that just seemed too complicated.
A few years later, I got net access and started exploring. One night I was rummaging through the list of newsgroups and found one called alt.tv.x-files.creative. Creative, I thought. Weird. I checked it out and realized there were tons of people writing stories about Mulder, Scully, Skinner, Krycek, et al. My brain just sort of exploded that night with the possiblities.
Here's where I tell you the backwards way I got into the X-Files. When the show first came out, it looked really silly to me, and besides, it was on Fridays and that would wreak havoc with my social life. So, I didn't watch, although I heard some good critical things and my brother kept saying, "You're insane, it's brilliant!"
Somewhere in the third season I caught a few episodes and while they were mostly incomprehensible to me, I enjoyed the attractive and moody main characters, the impressive art direction and the angst. I watched a few more in the fourth season and the summer after, I decided I wanted to try to understand the mytharc. Stop laughing. My brother bought me some beers and laid out the basics for me. Then I bought a bunch of the box sets and tried to catch up as best I could. By the beginning of the Fifth Season, I was pretty much hooked.
But I really didn't understand the show, or the characters, until I started in on fanfiction. Most people seem to have been big fans and then they got into the fic, but for me, it was mostly the other way around. I didn't become a full-fledged tape every episode Phile until I found fanfic. And I do think it shows in some of my early writing. I didn't have much a grasp of the history and back-stories of the characters until I'd seen nearly all of the older episodes on X2.
The first few stories I read on ATXC were really awful and I thought it was representative of the entire genre until I read some stories that knocked my socks off. The first smut I read was Rachel Anton's Volition Unbound and I can clearly remember thinking, "Holy crap, Mulder and Scully are DOING IT!!!" Yes, I know, it sounds really junior high.
So, I posted my first, and horrible, story, Night Vigil, and I was immediately hooked, even if I got maybe three feedback letters. (:::waves to Dreamerlea:::) But I realized what a great forum fanfiction was for my writing. Here was a way hundreds, or even thousands, of people could read my writing, send me constructive criticism and I suddenly was bombarded with thousands of ideas of stories to write.
When people ask me if I get sick of writing about the X-Files characters, my answer is a definite no. The day I get totally and utterly tired of it, I'm out of here. It's amazing how a television show can inspire so much creativity for writers. I think that's part of the show itself. The beauty of it is often not what is shown on the screen, but what is unsaid and unshown. The depth and wealth of feeling between Mulder and Scully is strong on the show, but the relationship still remains unconsummated. That leaves us writers who like to include romance elements free to play with what we've given and create endless scenarios of how it may happen. Or, you can simply create your own X-Files episodes. Several case files I've read in fanfic, like Nascent's Theory and Practice, would make excellent episodes if filmed, and often better the writing on the show itself. In post-episode fiction, we are allowed to explore the emotional depths of the characters. Unhappy with the Mulder and Scully relationship in the episode Agua Mala? Post-ep stories like Marguerite's Limpiar can set matters right again, so that it doesn't seem unnatural when Mulder and Scully no longer seem so at odds in the next episode. Fan fiction makes television seem interactive, which is a whole lot of fun.
Another reason why I write fanfiction is simply because it's much more fulfilling than writing an original story and having so few people read it. I'm shy about sharing my writing in general, but on the internet, no one knows me. I'm Dasha K, not my real name. If I don't choose to do so, no one has to know anything about me other than that name. Therefore, I can experiment with things that I might now feel comfortable writing about under my real name. I can write erotica, try my hand at mystery/suspense, write slash, fool around with point of view and narrative structure, and no one will think less of the real life woman who has a family, friends and a mild-mannered job. When I write a fanfic story, I get email from all over the world, I get comments (both good and bad) on my stories, and I get read. It's a very safe way to learn and grow as a writer.
And it's fun. I belong to a community of thousands of writers. I cannot believe the depth of talent in the XF fandom. It's almost shocking how many amazing closet writers there are, running around being teachers, stay at home moms, doctors and lawyers, but who produce stunning work for the eyes of the internet only. In this fandom I can join mailing lists and chat about writing and I can make friends with others who love to write. Over the summer I went on a trip to Las Vegas to hang out with 18 other fanfiction writers. It was like an informal conference and it was so refreshing to meet and talk to other people who adore writing. None of my real-life friends are serious about writing, so when I need to talk about that part of myself, I have my fanfiction friends.
Fanfiction is a strange thing, so underground. A lot of the people I'm close to know what I do, but they think it's this silly little hobby. Yes, it's a hobby, but I do take my writing seriously. I've discussed with other writers how weird it is to be rather well-known in the fanfiction world (which is larger than you think), but to have no one in real life care about or validate that part of yourself. A good example is that day after I won 12 Spooky Awards earlier this month, I got up, went to work and it was business as usual. None of it radiates towards the mainstream of your existence. Not that I'm complaining. I enjoy the time I spend on fanfic and in some ways it's nice to have my secret other life. <g>
So, the question is, when am I going to write something REAL? The X-Files is in its last season, and I imagine that shortly afterwards, I'll probably hang up my fanfic hat. I have learned so much from reading, writing and editing fanfiction. I've learned about plot, characterization, dialogue, setting, pacing, tone and mood. I've learned to write a good blowjob scene. I've learned how to create a web page and to make graphics. I've gotten a lot of confidence in myself as a writer. I'm starting to feel, more every day, ready to start writing something original and then trying to get it published somewhere. But I still don't think that fanfiction is any less real. A lot of the stories I read in this fandom are head and shoulders above many novels I've parted cold, hard cash for at the bookstore.
Fanfiction has been the great blessing in my life. I went from writing nothing for almost four years to writing four 200K+ novels and probably 40 stories in two years. And I've made some amazing friends along the way. So that's why I do it, folks. I'm thinking of printing this out so that next time a RL friend asks my why, I can just hand them this long rant and say, "This is why."
Author's Addendum
Note: This rant was written nearly two years ago. A lot of things have changed since then. I'm sort of half in and half out of the fandom. I still write a story when I'm inspired but the bloom is pretty much off the rose. I guess obsessions can't last forever, right? Meanwhile, I'm writing a few Buffy stories, have this Skinner thing going on, and I'm struggling with something original, but it's not like it used to be. However, fan fiction has changed my life for the better. I wouldn't have the fantastic job I have now if I hadn't decided to get off my ass and learn to web design to make myself a fanfic page. Nor would I be as confident as I am now with the professional writing I do if I hadn't have written so much fan fiction. And I wouldn't have made so many wonderful friends around the world.