Fandoms I know nothing about
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| Title: | Fandoms I know nothing about |
| Creator: | Aja |
| Date(s): | April 9, 2003 |
| Medium: | |
| Fandom: | |
| Topic: | |
| External Links: | Fandoms I know nothing about |
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Fandoms I know nothing about is a 2003 essay by Aja. It is "gacked from ladysorka, the Fandoms-I-Know-Nothing-About meme..."
It is part of a 2002-04 series of essays. See About Writing.
The Fandoms Discussed
Popslash, LOTRips, Highlander, Queer as Folk, Alias, X-Files, J-Rock, Dead Zone, 24, Hercules, Xena, Star Trek: Enterprise
Excerpts
Queer as Folk: The UK version came first, and appears to be just as controversial as the US version, which is ironically filmed in Canada anyway. More soap operatic twists and plotholes than you could count. That Brian Kinney guy seems to be determined to shag that like 16-year-old blond kid even though he'd be much happier in a stable relationship with Michael, which I can only attribute to the fact that every moment he's not shagging somebody, he's getting high. Why does anybody watch this show?
[snipped]
X-Files: Are people still in this fandom? This is like the oldest fandom that isn't Star Trek by now, isn't it? Mulder/Krycek was the first kind of slash I ever heard of. Personally, I'm much more into Krycek/Smoking Man.
[snipped]
Xena: Lucy Lawless once sang the national anthem at a televised major league baseball game and while she was singing one of her boobs popped out of her cleavage. I swear.
LOTRips:
In the beginning was the Word; and the Word was with Peter Jackson, and the Word was Peter Jackson. And Peter Jackson said, 'let there be men sweating together in the wilds of New Zealand,' and there were men sweating together in the wilds of New Zealand. And Peter Jackson saw that the men sweated together, and Peter Jackson said, 'it is good.'
And it came to pass that a decree went out from the LotR fandom that all the men should be slashed; and thus there came into the world RPS, and they christened this RPS "LotRips," and the mighty LotRips split the fandom in twain.
It came to pass that Elijah Wood and Dominic Monaghan went out from the wilds of New Zealand, and didst sup together among the presence of Men; and it came to pass that a woman, whom some call MsAllegro, heard of this meeting, and heard that the men hath supped together in the presence of Men.
Then spake MsAllegro unto the fandom: 'verily, I say unto thee, that these men, lately hobbits, hath supped together freely in the presence of men; therefore they are gay; yea, they are gay and their love is True and Mighty, surpassing the love of all other men; yea, and all who write LotRips of any other kind shall die a hideous death and be cursed to the seventh generation of the seventh generation, even unto the end of the ages;.' And the fandom spake unto MsAllegro, 'yay, you hath been touched in the wit.' Then spake MsAllegro unto the fandom, 'let my people go;' and the fandom sayeth unto MsAllegro, 'gladly;'
And it came to pass that MsAllegro led her people through the Desert of Orlijah and the Valley of Viggorli unto the Land of DomLijah; and the land was called DataLounge. And therefore unto the nation of DataLounge did MsAllegro deliver forth these three commandments:
- 1) Thou shalt have no other ships before Dom/Lijah.
- 2) Honor the love of Dom/Lijah, for it is great and t00by.
- 3) Sean Astin is a rapist and an eater of babies.
Thus spake MsAllegro, and great was the outcry among the LotRippers, and rose up there among them many enemies of the Nation of DataLounge, and MsAllegro's notoriety grew large. Then it came to pass that MsAllegro sayeth unto Dominic Monaghan, 'Prithee, you are Dominic Monaghan, yea, and I knoweth your love for this Elijah to be great and t00by; yea, for I am MsAllegro;' and Dominic sayeth unto MsAllegro, 'yea, are not ye that woman, that same MsAllegro of whom men hath said, "she hath been touched in the wit?"
And it came to pass that many of the fandom spoke amongst themselves, and sayeth, 'the wank shall flow long; yea, great shall be the wank upon the days of the earth;' and it came to pass that flow the wank did, until the wank hath reached the ends of the earth, until not even The Harry Potter Plagiarists™ could outwank them.