Character Reports: How NOT to Write Them
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| Title: | Character Reports: How NOT to Write Them |
| Creator: | John "Lazarus" Cowling |
| Date(s): | June 1987 |
| Medium: | |
| Fandom: | Star Trek: TOS |
| Topic: | |
| External Links: | |
| Click here for related articles on Fanlore. | |
Character Reports: How NOT to Write Them is an essay by John "Lazarus" Cowling.
It was published in Atavachron v.2 n.2, a Star Trek fan club newsletter with a focus on role-playing.
The essay addressed what the author (and club member) felt to be the unrealistic descriptions of original characters and personas that fans had submitted to the zine.
From the Essay
I've been looking over and helping to rewrite several of the character reports the ship has received and, well... a lot of them really suck. The writing, on the whole, is not too bad, but some of the things that people will try to get away with is just phenomenal. Here, step by step, are the things to consider when writing your reports.
NAME! This speaks for itself. Try not to use names from existing people, real or fictional. Example: don't call yourself Ronald Reagan or some such thing. Clarke Wayne, take note.
AGE: This can be anything, but make sure that it's not ridiculous. You can not join Starfleet Academy until your 13th Terran Birthday, or equivalent. It takes between 2 and 5 years to complete training, with most people finishing in 4 years. Explain yourself if you want to complete training quickly.
VITAL STATISTICS: Ah, height and weight. It seems like most of the crew is over six feet tall. Remember that the average height of a human is 5'7" for a male, and 5'4" for a female. The management reserves the right to make you shorter than you say you are. Author's note: It happened to me.)
RACE: Anything, but no crossbreeds please. In the real ST universe Caitians do not mate with Romulans (at least they don't produce offspring). For the most part, humans are boring. Really. We have a Gorn (No more, thank you...I've heard rumours of another Gorn. Do I have to beg?), a Romulan, a Klingon, a Hylan, two Andorians, and six feline characters on board. Does anybody want to be Deltan? (ED. Notes: Actually statistics show that 69.8% of Starfleet is composed of Humans. So if you want to be Human, that's fine.)
RELIGION: We're not biased. Go for it.
INTERESTS: It seems like most of the crew of the Resolution has at least a black belt in one or more martial arts. Ah. Martial arts are not that commonly used in the 23rd Century. Remember the old adage: "All the karate in the world won't save you from somebody with a gun." The same goes with phasers. Also, many people write "(So and so) was trained from an early age in the use of martial arts and various archaic weapons." Riiiight. I can see this for Klingons and Gorn, sure, but it normally just doesn't work that way.
HISTORY: Also, about 80% of the Resolution crew have dead parents. How sweet, if not accurate. We're all getting sick of the sob stories, so CUT IT OUT. Unless it significantly adds to your character's origin, leave it out.
Yet another interesting tidbit is the number of crewmembers born in space. It doesn't happen that often, folks.
MISCELLANEOUS: When you send in your character report, try to make it legible. If we can't read something, it doesn't get put in. If you feel your writing skills leave something to be desired, just write down your history in point form.
We'll write the stuff from there (it seems that we do most of the time, anyway...).
As a last little note: Be Reasonable.