Throwing Up These Butterflies (fanfiction)

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Fanfiction
Title: Throwing Up These Butterflies
Author(s): MyMayura
Date(s): October 8, 2019—
Length: 131,650 words (37 chapters) as of July 28, 2020
Genre(s): het, angst, romance, hurt/comfort, mystery
Fandom(s): Miraculous Ladybug
Relationship(s):
External Links: [1]

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Throwing Up These Butterflies is a GabeNath fanfiction written by MyMayura for the Miraculous Ladybug fandom. It is the main part of a series of the same name. The first chapter was published in October 2019, and the story is still ongoing. Chapters are typically released weekly.

The fanfiction and the series as a whole are often referred to with the acronym TUTB. All other works in the series are based on Throwing Up These Butterflies.

The title is a reference to the song Throwing Up Butterflies by Stela Cole.[1] Many of the chapters have short excerpts of the lyrics as an introduction.

The story began before the episodes Kwamibuster, Chat Blanc, Félix, and the S3 Finale episodes came out. As a result, it begins from the episode Ladybug and does not take the others into account, resulting in some major divergences from canon, namely different powers for certain miraculous that appeared in Kwamibuster, a lack of a previous conversation between Adrien and Gabriel regarding Gabriel's feelings for Nathalie, no past occurrence of Adrien being akumatized, and a Peacock miraculous that is still broken.

Official Story Info

Tags

Summary

A broken miraculous does more than damage its wearer. Gabriel and Nathalie find this out the hard way. When Gabriel realizes that he actually has everything left to lose, what will his decision be?

Plot

Spoiler Warning: This article or section contains spoilers about early chapters of Throwing Up These Butterflies. If this bothers you, proceed with caution.


Gabriel and Nathalie discover that the broken Peacock miraculous makes Nathalie immune to the Ladybug cure when Mayura is hit by an akuma and doesn't revert back to normal. Thankfully, the effects of this akuma happen to be harmless, but it leaves Gabriel worried about how vulnerable she may be in the future. In spite of this, he is still determined to win the Miraculous to bring back his dear wife Emilie, and Nathalie manages to convince him to allow her continued involvement. Soon she is hit again by an akuma, Dark Cupid, which gives Gabriel a wake up call and forces his feelings into question.

Gabriel accidentally akumatizes his own son, Adrien, and though he tries to take it back, Adrien is too powerful, and he severs all of Gabriel's control, becoming Dejinnerate. Dejinnerate has the power to grant wishes maliciously. He takes a person's deepest, darkest desire and twists it into something they will regret.

Papillon and Mayura emerge to fight him so they can rescue him from his akuma, joining their nemesis, Ladybug, to do so. Papillon attempts to protect Mayura, even jumping in front of her in an attempt to shield her, but she still gets hit.

Gabriel hates himself for what he's done, both for the fact that he hurt Adrien and that he has exposed Nathalie to a curse that could have disastrous results, with no way to reverse it. He gives up his goal as Papillon, but the wish Nathalie made is already done, setting off a chain of events that will put the whole family through some trying times... but also may result in bringing them closer together.

Chapter 1

Spoiler Warning: This article or section contains spoilers about published chapters of Throwing Up These Butterflies. If this bothers you, proceed with caution.

  • Summary:
    A hair akuma ends up being... about as useful as one would expect. Gabriel and Nathalie discover a distressing side effect of the broken miraculous.

The akuma Rapunzler causes her victims' hair to grow. Mayura is hit by her powers, and Papillon almost accidentally calls her name, which would reveal them to the heroes. After the akuma is defeated, Mayura's hair doesn't return to normal. Gabriel and Nathalie realize that she is somehow immune to the Ladybug cure, likely a consequence of the broken miraculous. Gabriel cuts her hair and they rush downstairs to meet Adrien for lunch. Adrien expresses his dissatisfaction for the lack of time they spend together, and Gabriel decides to make an effort to be more present. He also promises to let him invite a friend over soon. Nathalie is tired from battle, so he insists that she rest.

Chapter 2

  • Summary:
    It's an absolute gift to have another opportunity to akumatize Dark Cupid.

    Or is it?

Papillon akumatizes Kim into Dark Cupid for a second time, and Nathalie insists on going out as Mayura to help. He reluctantly allows her to do so, but she gets caught in the crossfire, resulting in her being turned against Papillon, intent on killing him. He sets a trap before she returns, but it doesn't work, forcing him to have to fight her to subdue her. He finally manages to catch her, but as expected, the cure doesn't fix her. Knowing that some people, including the heroes, were able to break the spell with a kiss, Papillon decides to give it a try. To his horror, kissing Mayura breaks the spell and returns her to normal, and he recognizes that his feelings for her are growing, though he doesn't suspect that she feels the same way.

Nathalie is bruised and exhausted from battle, fueling Gabriel's guilt. He forces her to rest again, and tries to brush off Nooroo's comments as the kwami suggests that Gabriel is in love with her.

Chapter 3

  • Summary:
    Gabriel is not the only one shaken after Dark Cupid. The akuma has had a profound impact on Adrien too. The cost of being Papillon seems to grow higher and higher.

Adrien reveals that the last akuma had a negative impact on his life, as he kissed his friend Marinette in an attempt to break the curse, and found that it worked. He now doesn't know what to do, since he thought he was in love with someone else. Gabriel attempts to advise him, but struggles, especially as he has to hide his own complicated situation regarding Dark Cupid. He suggests that Adrien take his upcoming dinner arrangement with her to figure it out.

In the meantime, Nathalie's condition is getting worse. The impact of akumas on both Adrien and Nathalie leads Gabriel to try putting Papillon to rest for a while. He begins to question whether he's doing the right thing.

Chapter 4

  • Summary:
    Gabriel takes a break from being Papillon. Nathalie gets sicker. Adrien gets mad.

Even without being Mayura, Nathalie's condition worsens. She begins coughing up blood on top of her other symptoms. On one occasion, she collapses with an attack, and Gabriel finds her struggling on the floor, unable to breathe. He manages to help her, but remains shaken by the incident, leading him to ask Adrien to postpone his evening with Marinette. Adrien is frustrated, and he and Gabriel get into an argument, leaving the both of them enraged. Adrien storms up to his room for the remainder of his lunch break, and Gabriel picks the Butterfly brooch back up to become Papillon, breaking his resolve to quit.

Chapter 5

  • Summary:
    Papillon makes a huge mistake.

Papillon attempts to create an akuma out of Juleka and Rose, united in their hurt against the actions of a classmate. However, someone manages to calm them down before he can akumatize them, and he allows the akuma to wander. It finds a new, strong sense of anger, and goes to the new victim. Nathalie walks in and is surprised that Gabriel has taken up the mantle of Papillon again, and during their conversation, Papillon is horrified to discover that he has accidentally akumatized his own son into the villain Dejinnerate. He attempts to remove the akuma, but Adrien fights back and severs the connection.

Nathalie is furious when she finds out, driven so far to anger that she slaps him. He then explains that he didn't do it knowingly, and although she is still angry, she manages to reel her emotions in. Papillon decides he will go out and try to help the heroes in capturing Adrien's akuma, and Nathalie tries to follow as Mayura. He forbids her from doing so and orders that she stay in the mansion and detransform.

He discovers that the akuma's powers enable him to grant his victims' deepest wishes in a maliciously compliant way, turning benign hopes and dreams into nightmares. He runs into Ladybug, who is struggling to reach Chat Noir. When he doesn't pick up, she begrudgingly allows Papillon to help as long as he agrees to follow her lead, stays away from her earrings, and tells the truth about Mayura's whereabouts. He assures her that Mayura is not coming.

However, Mayura disobeys him and shows up at the battle. He attempts to protect her, but Dejinnerate targets her with a blast. Papillon jumps to shield her, but it barely glances off him, hitting Mayura with nearly full force, and they fall to the ground together. Ladybug orders the villains to leave before the wish manifests.

The Wish

Chapter 5 set off dozens of fan theories about what Nathalie's deepest desire was, and what consequences Nathalie (and possibly Gabriel) would face from Dejinnerate's twist on those desires. This became the main mystery for a long segment of the story, and it is simply referred to as "the wish" in most fandom circles.

Guesses included:

  • Emilie dying/Emilie gone forever/Emilie taken off life support
  • Gabriel and Nathalie being legally married
  • Adrien thinking of Nathalie as a mother
  • Emilie alive again
  • Gabriel falling in love with Nathalie/being as in love with her as she is with him
  • Adrien returning back to himself
  • Gabriel's hair becoming less shitty
  • Nathalie being pregnant
  • Emilie never existing
  • Zombie-like Gabriel (like Adrien in Sandboy)
  • Nathalie being a perfect family with Gabriel and Adrien
  • A threesome between Nathalie, Gabriel, and Emilie
  • Evil Emilie/hurt Emilie
  • Gabriel falling for Nathalie but then falling out of love and abandoning her
  • Gabriel going on with his life
  • Hawkmoth going away/Gabriel doing the right thing for Adrien/everything being over
  • Gabriel being happy
  • Gabriel understanding what Nathalie is going through/Gabriel becoming sick
  • Gabriel becoming scared of Emilie
  • Everything staying the same
  • Nathalie going crazy
  • Nathalie getting the Ladybug and Black Cat miraculous for herself to give to Gabriel
  • Extending the time until Gabriel gets his wish
  • A body swap between Nathalie and Emilie/Nathalie slowly becoming Emilie.

Chapter 6

  • Summary:
    Isn't the worst part the calm before the storm?

Gabriel and Nathalie return to the Agreste Mansion. Ladybug manages to defeat Dejinnerate alone. Gabriel asks Nathalie what she wished for, but she doesn't know. She is weak from being Mayura, and she passes out. Gabriel exchanges some tense texts with Adrien and waits for her to wake up to discuss with him further. There aren't any visibly apparent effects of the wish.

Nathalie wakes up, and they speculate on what the wish could be, though she is reluctant. Any of her initial thoughts are not possible, as they would be able to see the effects. She becomes defensive as Gabriel pries too deep, and finally exclaims that she wants what he wants. Gabriel runs down to the underground sanctuary, fearful that she has unwittingly awakened Emilie.

Chapter 7

  • Summary:
    Gabriel tries to fix what's broken, but not everything can be healed within a day...

Gabriel and Nathalie find that Emilie has not been revived after all, leaving them without any ideas as to what the wish could be. Gabriel makes up with Adrien after their argument from earlier, but the conversation overwhelms him with guilt, and he vows to give up being Papillon for good. Nathalie is feeling slightly better after the attack, and they worry that her health was involved in the wish. Gabriel asks for her to move into the mansion while she heals, and he makes an effort to be better to both her and Adrien.

Chapter 8

  • Summary:
    A nightmare clarifies matters for Gabriel and leads him to a huge decision.

  • Additional Trigger Warning:
    Minor character death

Gabriel has a nightmare about Emilie coming back to life. A middle-of-the-night conversation with Nathalie leads him to realize that he can't keep Emilie alive hooked up to machines if he has no means of bringing her back. He takes her off the life support and Nathalie arranges for a quiet burial.

Chapter 9

  • Summary:
    Everything gets worse.

Gabriel mourns Emilie after her death. Nathalie's condition gets worse. Gabriel is snapped out of his grief when he feels Nathalie's intense fear through his miraculous. She is secretive about what has caused her panic, and she soon asks for several days off from work to go home and attend to her health. She leaves the miraculous behind and texts him that it was an accident, but he has his doubts. He grows suspicious of her and accuses her of trying to hide something from him when she tries to stay late at work after her return. She reveals to him that she was only planning a floral arrangement for the one month anniversary of Emilie's death, and he feels extremely guilty for prying.

Chapter 10

  • Summary:
    Nathalie asks Gabriel a concerning question, and it only goes downhill from there.

Nathalie accompanies Gabriel to leave flowers at Emilie's grave. While they are down there, Nathalie becomes emotional, and she asks Gabriel to tell her exactly what his wish would have been. He reluctantly tells her that he would have wished for Emilie to put down the miraculous before it ever had permanent effects on her, effectively changing the last few years of their lives. Nathalie tries to convince Gabriel to continue his goal, since he doesn't need Emilie to be alive now to change the past, but he refuses. Nathalie has a major breakdown, surprising him. She tries to transform, and he takes her miraculous from her. He remains troubled by her reaction for the rest of the night.

Chapter 11

  • Summary:
    Gabriel makes a mistake that costs him dearly.

  • Additional Trigger Warning:
    Drugged drink, but not in a date-rape context

Gabriel takes additional precautions to make sure that Nathalie can't get her hands on the Peacock miraculous while she takes several more days to rest. Adrien is concerned by not seeing her there, and Gabriel confirms that her condition is not good. Adrien expresses his worry, revealing to Gabriel that he thinks of her as a mother. Nathalie seems to be a lot better when she comes back two days later. After Gabriel has a stressful meeting, she makes him some soothing tea to help relax him. Soon, he feels dizzy and uncoordinated, and he realizes that Nathalie has drugged him. He begs her not to go before he loses consciousness, but he wakes up alone. As soon as he is able to stand, he hurries to the safe that he has hidden the Peacock miraculous in, but he finds that it's still there. He discovers that Nathalie has stolen his own miraculous, the Butterfly.

"Danger Tea"

The part of the chapter in which Nathalie drugged Gabriel via a cup of tea led to the meme "danger tea," represented in several pictures, used as a quote, and made into a Cards Against Humanity card in the GabeNath Book Club and Art Club.

Chapter 12

  • Summary:
    Gabriel deals with the aftermath of Nathalie's betrayal.

Gabriel immediately looks for news of a new Papillon, but there is nothing out there yet. He investigates and tries to find out where she is, but he has very little luck. He opens up to Duusu and admits that while he is angry at Nathalie, his appreciation and worry for her far overwhelms his anger. He just wants to bring her home. After a few days, there is finally news of a new Butterfly villain, Swallowtail. Gabriel quickly changes and transforms into a new Peacock villain, Panoptes.

Chapter 13

  • Summary:
    Panoptes goes out to bring Swallowtail home, but she has other plans.

Panoptes struggles with his new powers far more than Swallowtail struggles with hers. He confronts her mid-battle with the heroes, but with both sides fighting against him, he fails to capture her, and she escapes. Panoptes demonstrates that while he has the ability to run away, he would rather explain to the heroes the reasons why he is fighting Swallowtail and not trying to take their miraculous. They agree to hear him out after recharging their kwamis.

Chapter 14

  • Summary:
    Not all goes to plan when Panoptes tries to reason with Paris's heroes.

Panoptes gives up his weapon as proof of his honesty. He explains to the heroes what he can—that Mayura is ill from a broken miraculous, that she has betrayed him, that he wants to bring her home, and that their previous goal had been to bring back his wife from a coma. Chat is disturbed at the similarities to his own story, and he presses Panoptes for more information, which leads him to discover that the villain is his own father.

Chapter 15

  • Summary:
    Gabriel and Adrien deal with the aftermath of their identity reveals.

The Peacock miraculous is already making Panoptes sick, and in a panic, Chat insists on bringing him to the Guardian. Once he has calmed down, he is angry at Gabriel, though still worried for his health. At the Guardian's suggestion, all identities are revealed, and Gabriel notes with little surprise that Ladybug is Marinette Dupain-Cheng. The Guardian pushes for information, forcing Gabriel to reveal that Emilie became sick from the broken miraculous, that she broke the miraculous herself, and that she knew continuing to use it would kill her. Adrien becomes extremely upset, and Swallowtail's rogue butterfly comes for him. Gabriel, seeing no other option, takes the akuma to spare him. He fights hard to remain in control, and once Ladybug is ready, he is able to release the akuma from his body for her to catch, though the effort is too much for him in his weakened state, and he passes out.

Chapter 16

  • Summary:
    Gabriel wakes up and deals with the consequences of his actions.

Gabriel wakes up while Master Fu is healing him, and Marinette shows him a surprising level of kindness after his heroic action. Adrien stays at Marinette's house for a week, leaving Gabriel plenty of time to stew in his own guilt. After he returns, he insists that Gabriel tell him the full story of how Emilie got involved with the miraculous. Gabriel explains that she was always fascinated with magic and she inherited the story of the miraculous from her father. After finding the miraculous, she became restless and dissatisfied with her life, and wanted to enhance the Peacock's abilities so it could create entire worlds for her to play in. When the spell to unlock its true power backfired, Gabriel tried to take it from her, but she threatened to break up the family if he did.

Gabriel breaks down when Adrien says that it is too late for them to be a normal father and son. Adrien insists that he does love Gabriel, but he is furious. He wants to make up with Gabriel if he can prove that he is worthy of it.

Chapter 17

  • Summary:
    Gabriel wants to be more proactive in bringing Swallowtail home.

Gabriel, Adrien, and Marinette struggle to understand Nathalie's strategy, confused by the fact that she appears at almost every fight. Gabriel works out that she is desperate, but he can't figure out why that is the case.

They decide that the current strategy is not working. Gabriel suggests that he accompany them without a miraculous to shock Nathalie into giving up. Adrien takes issue with the plan, but Marinette overrides him. Swallowtail's next akuma, White Out, provides Gabriel the opportunity. The plan goes awry, however, when they accidentally turn White Out against Swallowtail to the degree that she tries to erase her from existence. Gabriel, knowing that Nathalie won't come back with the cure, jumps in front of her to save her, and her reaction reveals that she still loves him and is horrified to see him take the hit. She also tells him it would have been better if she died.

When the Ladybug cure is activated and Gabriel wakes up, Chat Noir says that he can't accompany them again. Ladybug decides, however, that Gabriel is a valuable asset, and he needs a miraculous for his own protection.

Chapter 18

  • Summary:'
    Gabriel gets the chance to be a hero.

Marinette reveals that she has chosen the Mouse miraculous for Gabriel. He initially refuses to take it, since Adrien is unhappy, but Adrien insists he do it anyway, recognizing that it must be done in order to bring Nathalie home. Swallowtail begins to slow down. Gabriel transforms into Mulot Gris, but Swallowtail doesn't show up.

She doesn't appear at the next eleven battles, and the time between each one increases. The heroes realize they are running out of chances, and Marinette begins to formulate a plan.

The akuma Blindsider tests Adrien's trust in Gabriel. Ladybug and Chat Noir are both hit by the akuma, causing them to lose their sight. Ladybug jumps from a building and Mulot Gris catches her, but Chat Noir is reluctant, almost leading to his capture before he finally acquiesces. As the only one left with sight, Mulot Gris formulates the plan to defeat Blindsider, and he is forced to choose his new duties as a hero over Swallowtail when she arrives at the scene, looking worse than ever before. The akuma is defeated, and Swallowtail escapes.

Gabriel confesses his love of Nathalie to Adrien after some prompting. Marinette reveals that she has a plan to bring Swallowtail home.

Chapter 19

  • Summary:
    The heroes race against the clock to rescue Swallowtail from herself.

Chapter 20

  • Summary:
    The aftermath of Fu's startling announcement. Gabriel does all the math wrong but somehow ends up with the right answers.

  • Additional Trigger Warning:
    Unwanted pregnancy, mention of failed abortion attempt

Chapter 21

  • Summary:
    The Agreste family tries to navigate the challenges of their new dynamics. It doesn't go smoothly.

  • Additional Trigger Warning:
    Accusation of suicide attempt, accusation of overdose

Chapter 22

  • Summary:
    Dealing with Victoire causes a whole new set of problems.

Chapter 23

  • Summary:
    Marinette steps in to help at a desperate time.

Chapter 24

  • Summary:
    Gabriel and Nathalie are back on good terms, but they discover just how much they haven't discussed in regards to their future.

Chapter 25

  • Summary:
    Nathalie and Gabriel realize there's a lot to think about when it comes to their child's future.

Chapter 26

  • Summary:
    A plan is put in place. The first half of an announcement is made.

Chapter 27

  • Summary:
    The world finds out, including Victoire.

Chapter 28

  • Summary:
    Gabriel finally confronts his sister, but it doesn't go as planned.

Chapter 29

  • Summary:
    Friendship. Friendship?

Chapter 30

  • Summary:
    The threat of discovery is evaluated. Marinette has problems of her own.

Chapter 31

  • Summary:
    Falling just short of the finish line.

Chapter 32

  • Summary:
    The fight with Victoire exacerbates Nathalie's condition.

Chapter 33

  • Summary:
    Gabriel goes to Fu and demands a cure.

Chapter 34

  • Summary:
    The morning doesn't go according to plan.

Chapter 35

  • Summary:
    Gabriel struggles to come to terms with the Guardian's disappearance.

Chapter 36

  • Summary:
    Fu being gone is the new reality that must be faced. Curing Nathalie rests on the shoulders of the new young Guardian.

References

  1. ^ Throwing Up Butterflies by Stela Cole
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