Think Before You Use *That* Title!!! (1998 X-Files parody fic)

Fanfiction
Title:	Think Before You Use *That* Title!!!
Author(s):	Rachel Ehrentreu (FirePhile) and Jennifer Stoy
Date(s):	March 12, 1998
Length:	posted in two short parts to Usenet
Genre(s):	gen
Fandom(s):	X-Files
Relationship(s):
External Links:	Think Before You Use *That* Title!!!, part 1; archive link, part 1 Think Before You Use *That* Title!!!, part 2; archive link, part 2
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Think Before You Use *That* Title!!! is an X-Files story by Rachel Ehrentreu and Jennifer Stoy.

It is a response fic to the meta essay THINK BEFORE YOU USE *THAT* TITLE!!!!!.

"Disclaimer: The 1013 Mafia and their surfer don, CC, own X-Files and all its characters. Dr. Cecilia Vansen and Nancy belong to us, we do this for the love and not the money. NOTE: If we have unwittingly poached this title from some other writer, WE'RE SORRY! We didn't mean it! We'll clean your house and feed your dog and watch your children for free, if you'll only forgive us!"

Summaries

From the fic when it was posted to a webpage:

Think Before You Use *That* Title! with Jennifer Stoy - 40K

How to explain this one... well from something that happened on ATXC involving title stealage because I wrote a story called Damaged Goods and this other girl wrote a story called Adagio and they both were titles used before. I met Jennifer Stoy through this altercation and I can honestly say that she's made me a much better writer. Anyway, she thought the best way to get revenge was to write a post-Red and the Black story set in a therapist's office with the characters arguing about titles. This was how we started talking and after trading parts for a few days we had a story. Featuring Krycek, Mulder, Scully, Mrs. Scully, Mrs. Mulder, CSM (Bob), Spender, and Bill Jr... it's a wild session.

Category: SHA

Rating: PG

Spoilers: Fifth Season

Summary: The therapy session from HELL.

From a fan who was looking for it in 1999:

Can anyone help me find the HILARIOUS humor piece depicting a group therapy session involving all the main characters of the show? It's the one in which Scully finds a way to escape, gets Mulder out too, and leaves the rest of them in there with the frustrated therapist."

Reactions and Reviews: From the Author of the Original Post That Was Parodied

[Red Valarian]: For once when I write LOL about something, I really mean it. I *am* actually laughing hysterically - not just at your very funny story - but at the even funnier title!

Just yesterday I axed the whole nightmarish thread I'd started, in despair. I thought if I saw one more posting attached to *that* header, I'd kill myself. Then a few hours later I checked, and it had grown back again, like some alian retro-virus or a salamander's tail. So I axed it again, more viciously.

Then I just connected again and saw *that* header still there! Screaming like Xena, I lunged towards the delete button when I suddenly registered *NEW* and (1/2).

And that's when I started laughing.

You two are brilliant. If I've achieved anything with my ill advised and inadvertently cruel and thoughtless original post, I've at least inspired you to write one of the funniest stories I've ever read with absolutely the funniest title!

My work here is done.

Reactions and Reviews

From Fans Who Enjoyed It

[aye]: OH MY GOD!!!!!! It's the last scene in "Tootsie!!" God, I just LOVED this, it was hysterical. I can just see them all together in one room. More, more!!! Bravo!

[Cinco]: Ladies!! I love it I love itI love it!! Boy, you hit on just about everything (except Mulder's coy fascination with women named BJ or Bambi!!)

More more more please!!!!

[lyn]: just thought i should tell you...this filled me with a giddy thrill! i loved it! i love the way you emphasize that M&S are the root of everyone's problems and that they all think they are together! LOL this was great

JenRose]: BWAHAHAHAHA You done it again..... Omigod.

That hurt, I was laughing so hard.

From a Sour Fan Who Missed the Context

[RatBoyPwr]: I have been lurking around these boards for some time now. I am pretty much what could be considered an Internet Hermit. I have email, I lurk and read newsgroups, but that's about it. This story has forced me to break my silence. My dictionary, the Readers Digest Encyclopedic version, defines 'vapid' as 'Having lost all spirit, liveliness, flavor, force, or character; flat; dull; insipid.' In this story, the authors used the word 'vapid,' or a variation thereof, three times within a couple of pages. I can't recall the last time I heard this antiquated word used in a casual conversation, and yet, here it is not once, not twice, but *three* times within mere paragraphs. I wouldn't be surprised if I found it in there a few more times, but I don't think I will have to worry about that. I took the advice of the author's note and read "Think Before You Use That Title I." That was my first mistake.

My second mistake was giving these ladies the benefit of the doubt and reading the follow up. Make that *attempting* to read it.

I won't go into the faults of the first story and this one individually, because they suffer from the same iniquities. Rather, let's look at this story, in an analytical fashion, as the truly 'vapid' piece of fanfic it is.

'Having lost all spirit, liveliness, flavor, force, or character; flat; dull; insipid.'

This story is the antithesis of what fanfic should be, and for the most part, is. I feel that the one thing that makes fanfic work, that gives it its 'spirit,' if you will, is the dedication to excellence that most of the authors exhibit. You can see the careful planning, plotting, and editing that goes into most stories posted here. The same cannot be said for either part of this story. Neither plot is remotely plausible, no matter how you bend it. The dialogue is trite and poorly thought out. The grammatical errors are numerous and glaring, the diction is limited and unimaginative, and the total disregard for the rules of punctuation is appalling! Writing is an emotional exercise, but there are mechanics to be considered.

These two 'writers' took characters that are already pre-developed and slaughtered them. In some cases, making them unrecognizable. There was no apparent attempt to make the characters in their story one iota similar to the characters in the show. It's one thing to have a character do something they wouldn't normally do. It's another thing entirely to have nearly every major character who ever graced the X-Files universe acting so against type. I took that as a sign that not only did these authors not 'know' the characters they were using, they made no effort to understand them. They just threw them onto a page, brought asinine dialogue out of their mouths and attempted to pass it off to us as 'fan fic.'

I am sure these stories were meant to be satirical or at the least, humorous. To me, it seemed they viewed these stories as exercises in pumping out fanfic as fast as humanly possible, as opposed to taking the time to write something they could truly be proud to have their names attached to. I have already had my say regarding their poor grammar and disappointing characterization. What happened to plot and forethought where a story was concerned? Research? All of those people in a therapy session together? Would never happen, I don't care what universe you think you live in. I know, I know. I can hear you all already. "Anything can happen in fan fic..." OK, I will buy that. But would it hurt to keep the characters recognizable, and the situations remotely believable.

I have one piece of advice for this writing pair: Get yourselves an editor. Preferably one who isn't a friend or acquaintance. Someone who isn't going to tell you what you want to hear, and who isn't afraid to hurt your feelings. I volunteer.

I know for a fact that at least one of you is a college student (don't freak, I have my sources...), and I can only hope that the poor grammar is due to the extra care you take with your school work.

I am sure by now that many, if not everyone who has read this has flamed me considerably. But I don't believe in sugarcoating things, or telling people what I think they want to hear. I don't know either of the authors, and I am sure they are wonderful people. But that doesn't mean they can write well. I don't think constructive criticism ever hurt anyone.

Some of you may be thinking that it's easy for me to say these negative things, I am not a writer of fanfic. How can you be sure? I could be anyone. There is so much wonderfully written fanfic that goes unrecognized, and too much second-rate stuff such as this that gets highly praised and lauded. It's not fair to those authors who take the time and effort to produce well developed, written and polished pieces.

"That's all I have to say about that..."

[JenRose]: You might take a few minutes to go read the flamewar which generated this story.

The story was never meant to be "in character" or taken seriously. It was intended to bring some comic relief to a heated debate, and in that context, was rip-roaringly funny.

Maybe you had to have been there.

Try a search at http://www.dejanews.com search for "Think before you use that title"

Then it will become clear.

You don't have to like the story, but it does help to know the backstory. This was an "in joke," and as such, worked very well.

[Lili]: Ret boy, isn't it?

I thought about writing to you personally because I hate flaming and hurting someone's feeling is painful to me. So when I read something BAD (yeah....that happens....), I don't write feedback.

But since you had no dignity to do that, or to write to the authors that you didn't like the story, and decided to try and hurt them in public, I don't think you deserve that.

I'm really sorry for what I'm about to write and I know most of it is mean and cruel. But - and I know how childish this is - you started it.

Now I sorry if my awful spelling and grammar hurt your feelings. Really, I am! It's just that English is not my first language, and school never did too much about it. Except my apologies, and lets get on with it. You said the authors don't know the characters.

They do.

[snipped]

Some people don't even want to.

It's right to write something without thinking about it for hours!

IT's right to write form the heart!

If you write without telling every detail, it doesn't mean you write badly.

Think about that.

[snipped]

Now, you said people that wrote them good feedback were doing it because they felt bad about flaiming.

Have it ever occured to you those people could've never wrote AT ALL?!?!?!

Can you think about it for a minut?

Maybe all those people LIKED it?

Maybe it made them laugh?

A story don't have to be seriouse, "hevy", detailed, and boring to be considered GOOD.

It's soposed to be FUN, and that's exectly what "Think before.." was.

A fun fanfic.

Think about that.

You said maybe you wrote fanfic. How would I know - you can be anyone. Then send it to me, to everybody that flamed you, and let us decide what we think about it.

If you did write, then I belive this was just an act of jelousy. Of anger that you didn't get all that good fanfic.

Dissapointment, perhaps. Maybe you feel you wasted your time on all that research that's so important to you, and those 2 good so much more good feedback.

You know what?

From the bitterness of your E-mail I believe that's the case, especially because of the part when you mention all the good fanfic that is unnoticed.

Maybe.

I'll give you that - I believe now that this is your reason, because it hurt me to believe someone wrote those things just to hurt.

[RatBoyPwr]:

Subj: RBP strikes again

Date: 7/11/98 10:31:00 PM PST

From: RatBoyPwer

To: AReine

CC: MareZX, Foxzphile

It appears I misunderstood the purpose of this board. I had no idea that it was such a terrible sin to post anything other than a glowing message of praise about the stories here.

In light of the email I have received, most of which has accused me of being unenlightened, rude, or just plain dumb, I have decided to clear a thing or two up.

1. Don't presume I don't know what I am talking about where grammar is concerned. My major was English, and I did extremely well in it. And I did my homework. I not only read TBYUTT I, but the last few offerings from these ladies. My 'opinion' remains the same.

2. Don't crucify me for having an opinion about what is good writing and what is bad. I have probably seen more of both than most of you all combined.

3. The original post was not intended as a 'personal attack' on the author(s) of this story. Believe me. A personal attack would have read more along the lines of: "This story sucked eggs, and anyone who tells you otherwise is obviously either too kind to admit that to your face, or too stupid to know the difference." Now, that's personal, that brings not only the writer(s), but those who enjoyed the piece into it. Do we all see the difference?

4. Not all of the email I got scorched my mailbox...in fact, there was more than one person who agreed with what I said. They admitted to me that they would never admit what they thought in public, and I can respect them for that.

5. No matter how many people write to me telling me I obviously have no sense of humor (I beg to differ...you can't raise twins and NOT have a sense of humor!) or that I just 'didn't understand the point' of the story, I still maintain that it was beyond satirical, more closely resembling the ridiculous in the characterizations it presented.

If you enjoyed it, more power to you. If you can sit still and read something as grammatically flawed as this, you must be a better person than I.

Churning out stories faster than even Stephen King himself doesn't make anyone a superior writer. Attention to detail, honest and true-to-show characterization (even within the realm of satire), and a well-edited story are the real marks of a good author. Correct punctuation and thoughtful diction (that's what a Thesaurus is for, after all) matter as well.

You are all entitled to your opinions, as *I am entitled to mine*. With that said, my opinion has been placed in front of you all twice now, and you shall hear no more from me (I can hear the cheers already...).

Save your energy, keep your flames to yourself. You can't change my mind; sticks and stones, and all that jazz....