The Trekzine Alphabet (or 26 Steps to a Shittier Attitude)

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Fanwork
Title: The Trekzine Alphabet (or 26 Steps to a Shittier Attitude)
Creator: Paula Smith
Date(s): August 1977
Medium: print
Fandom: Star Trek: TOS
External Links:
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Contents

The Trekzine Alphabet (or 26 Steps to a Shittier Attitude) is by Paula Smith and printed in Pegasus #2.

It is full of in-jokes, and it touched upon many of fandom's current topics.

Some Examples

A stands for Art. In a fanzine, art is a necessity, because many of your subscribers will come from California and therefore will be unable to read. Color art is very impressive in a zine, so when mailing yours out, be sure to enclose a crayon.
E stands for Editor. An editor is a person who can't draw, who wouldn't know a noun if it bit him; and has absolutely no critical taste whatsoever- An editor is anybody who can type with at least one finger, or an elbow. Any jerk can become an editor and generally does.
F stands for Fan. A fan is a breezy individual who blows hot then cold on fanac, and is often named some variant of Gale. A lot of fans' last names begin with F, like Faddis, Farnell, Ferraro, Feyrer, Flanery, Fleming, Frisbee, and Phil, this is probably because they keep F-ing around.
I stands for INTERPHASE. Probably the best-known crudzine on the market-INTERPHASE is thankfully shutting up shop. This is a blessing and a relief, and mainly now that the comparison is gone, the rest of us won't look so horrible.
L stands for Lay-Anybody Stories, Actually, this belongs under F, but most trekwriters are too refined. Unfortunately.
M stands for Mary Sue. There's a little bit of Mary Sue in all of us, the desire to be the best, the brightest, the smartest, the nicest, the most wonderful person ever to induce mental diabetes in the local populace, to be looked up to and followed implicitly. This is also known as megalomania.
O stands for Offset. This is a method of reproduction that has nothing to do with the above, in which your copy is photographed, your material is printed, and your wallet is cleaned. O also stands for Overpriced.
P stands for Poetry. Most trek poetry is what can be called free-association verse, which is okay if you're interested in the writer's psychological state, or else like Rod McKuen. Very few trekwriters attempt that most difficult, most complex, yet most rewarding of all poetical forms: the limerick.
R stands for Relationship-Stories, also known as fairy tales. The next step in this area would seem to be the introduction of Kirk and Spock's mutual child, that is, nothin' says lovin' like somethin' in the oven.
U stands for Underage. If you are underage there are certain zines you may not see, for they will pollute your precious bodily fluids. However, like most things, they're not nearly as smarmy as your own private fantasies.
X stands for Former. Ex-writers, ex-editors, and ex-fans are known as gafiates. Those who come back are known as gafinines.
Z, of course, stands for Zine. This is a zine, the thing you're looking at right now. Study it carefully. Savor it thoroughly. Mull over the illos. Taste the sentences. Chew up the pages. Spit out the staples. Best use you could put it to.