QL Zine Gripes, or, Everyone's a Critic

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Title:	QL Zine Gripes, or, Everyone's a Critic
Creator:	Michele Plourde-Barker
Date(s):	September 1995
Medium:	print
Fandom:	Quantum Leap
Topic:
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QL Zine Gripes, or, Everyone's a Critic is a 1995 essay by Michele Plourde-Barker.

It was printed in The Hologram #9.

Some Topics Discussed

• the wide variety and availability of Quantum Leap fiction (at this point only available to fans in print, on mailing lists, or as pass around stories)
• the usefulness of review zines
• the unintentional irony of stating that one's opinions are universally shared by others in the subjective statement that compares "the nauseating jelly-filled ones from the delicious coconut clusters"
• English majors know best
• crossovers should be avoided
• a narrow definition of masculinity, aka, Sam and Al shouldn't talk, think, or relate to each like "ladies"
• sexism and misogyny about women is okay to express if you yourself is female
• despite all the complaints, don't be discouraged!

From the Essay

Although I've been a Quantum Leap fan since the show's second season, until a year ago, I hadn't even known there was a network of QL fan publishers and writers. It's been an adventure, tracking down and reading new story collections and novels. So far, I've only gone through a relative handful, but I've come to realize that QL zines are like Forrest Gump’s box of chocolates: you never know what you're going to get. Fortunately, The Hologram is like one of those helpful little cheat sheets that lets you sort out the nauseating jelly-filled ones from the delicious coconut clusters. As a new contributor to this cheat sheet, I’m afraid readers may find that I’m a bit of a bitch.

As I read through each new zine, I all too often find myself wincing over something or other that really gets my goat. Four years of picky English professors who taught me to re-write, re- write, re-write, and then, when I think I'm done, re-write again, have made me pretty critical of bad writing. (Not that I’m any Dickens myself (even my best stuff only rates a C+ by my own standards), but I'm working on it--constantly!) But, that does make me a tough critic when it comes to either amateur or professional fiction. The following are mistakes I would love never to see in another QL zine:

Typos: Hey, everyone makes mistakes, and I can make allowances for one or two typos per page--I figure that's at least a 99 44/100% accuracy rating. But I draw the line when it looks like a manuscript wasn't even proofread. Yes, proofreading is a pain, and it’s tough to proofread your own work. You know what it’s supposed to say, so you don't notice the mistakes. So, please, please, get someone else to proofread your stuff before you print it! And don't trust the Spellcheck program!

Grammar: I have no problem with writing that's deliberately ungrammatical to achieve a particular effect, and I'm not a stickler for picayune grammatical niceties. But when it comes to basics, I get really crabby. Words are a writer’s tools, and a writer who doesn't know his/her grammar is like a carpenter who doesn’t know how to use a saw. If you're not sure, ask someone. There are plenty of us underemployed ex-English majors around!

Crossovers: This is a strictly personal gripe. Sam’s supposed to Leap into situations where a hero is lacking. If an author Leaps him into a universe that already contains a hero, such as MacGyver or Starsky and Hutch, I feel the story misses the point of what Sam's Leaping is all about. Also, those of us well-versed only in QL lore often get left in the dust, unless a lot of awkward explanation is added. Be that as it may, I will grant that there are rare instances in which a crossover can work. But it’s really tricky.

Dream stories: While a well-thought out dream sequence can add an extra dimension to a story by showing what’s going on in a character's subconscious, I despise stories that end: “And then he woke up, and it was all only a dream.” Talk about your major cop-outs! A story has to be really exceptional to carry off that kind of an ending.

Sam/Al relationship: This is the worst offense of all. It seems to me that a lot of writers (especially female writers -- no sexism intended -- I do happen to belong to that gender) make Sam and Al’s friendship too, well, too feminine, for want of a better term. Remember, please that Sam and Al are guys, and guys relate differently to each other than gals do -- sorry, but it’s true! Ladies, pay attention to your spouses, significant others, and guy friends, and how they talk and act around each other. Read Dave Barry’s Guide to Guys, if you have to. And don't forget to watch those QL videotapes to keep Sam and Al in character.

So, is there anything I like about QL zines? Of course, yes! There are a lot of gems out there. The best ones are those that would make a terrific episode, or conversely, those that show an aspect of Sam and Al’s lives that the series could never portray.

I know writing is hard -- it's damned hard. It takes a lot of courage to put your words -- your soul -- down on a piece of paper and leave it hanging out there for people to love or hate as they see fit. No matter how much I might dislike technical aspects of a story, I always admire the author for having the guts to write it down. After all, it's the fan writers who love Sam and Al enough to keep them alive, whether or not Universal and NBC care about them. So, while I may seem overly critical, I don't mean to say give up. What I do mean is, keep trying!