Once Upon Another Time

Zine
Title:	Once Upon Another Time
Publisher:	Guardian Press
Editor(s):
Date(s):	December 1991
Series?:
Medium:	print zine
Size:
Genre:
Fandom:	Beauty and the Beast (TV)
Language:	English
External Links:
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Once Upon Another Time is an 60-page anthology of het Beauty and the Beast (TV) fiction by Wendy Darling.

It includes one drawing.

This zine was less imaginative fiction and satire, than more of a cruel and ferocious scold.

The author's name, "Wendy Darling," is clearly a pseud and meant to be anonymous.

Not Like All the Other Zines

The zine addresses The Beauty and the Beast Wars, and its content is very different than the vast majority of Beauty and the Beast (TV) zines.

Catherine is often shown in a very negative light: selfish, petulant, cruel, and fairly stupid.

Vincent fares a little better, but is still very much not the Vincent of the show or fanon. In two stories, it is Lena he wants, not Catherine, and in another story, he is very sexually promiscuous and fathers many babies, including one with Mary.

The zine also includes two additional jabs at fandom, one that addresses in advance the "nasty" letters of comment the author expects to receive.

One story is a disdainful, angry RPF meta fic that scolds fans for their behavior and obsessions. It includes two fans sexually assaulting Ron Perlman. It is a very detailed polemic on the state of Beauty and the Beast fandom and fans. It reads like a meta open letter. An example of a similar anonymous screed was the 1984 Star Trek: TOS flyer, Naked Doubles.

This fic feels very personal, calling some fans "manic depressives," "pathological liars," and violent. It cites examples (some of them rumors) of fan behaving badly: "Went through the dumpster at the Vernon set for 'goodies,' or stole them on location from actors' trailers when no one was looking.", "Sent distasteful "gifts (like dead roses) to cast/production office/network", "Made lots of money selling the home addresses/phone numbers of the stars of BATB to manic-depressive, fanatical fans, then headed the group driving off to park and stare at their houses."

The writer also targeted fans who were involved in specific conventions: Fan-Out and Creation Con. While two of these fans were very likely Victoria Clark and Barbara Storey, the fic addresses many fans.

From "Two Beauties and a Beast"

See more at Two Beauties and a Beast.

From the RPF meta fic:

"If you truly wanted to be helpers to this actor or to the world Below, you would remember your manners. You would be responsible and polite. If you understood him or my world, you would not behave this way. You could not. Mr. Koslow and the others created a dream, and they were willing to share it. But your dreams do not appear to coincide with theirs. Your dream appears to be a shallow, empty fantasy of physical fulfillment that no one can fulfill. It is not the dream of a better world, a kinder world that the others shared. It is not a dream we care to share."

Contents

• Do You...? (4)
• Vincent's Pride (5)
• Two Beauties and a Beast (Told from Ron Perlman's point of view, it mentions his wife, his daughter, Linda Hamilton, and his dog, Samson. It is a cruel, scathing, over-the-top story of being attacked and sexually assaulted by two obsessed Beauty and the Beast fans named Jillie and Lettie. Perlman is then rescued by Vincent Wells.) (17)
• To an Absent Lady, from Vincent and To Vincent, From the Lady (27)
• Long Ago and Far Away in the City of New York (28)
• Guidelines to the Critics who CAN'T WAIT to write nasty Letters of Comment (52)
• Application for the Grand Poo-Bah Status in BEAUTY AND THE BEAST Fandom (53)
• People Change (54)

Sample Interior

• 

  Application for the Grand Poo-Bah Status in BEAUTY AND THE BEAST Fandom

• 

  from "People Change": "'You think this is a case of 'let's not, and say we did'?' 'Exactly so.' Vincent shifted uneasily on the grass, wishing he hadn't been so generous as to give Catherine his cloak to sit on: he needed it now to pad his aching buns. 'You and I are a fairy tale that's never been real before. In all the fairy tales I've read, the happy ending has always been a let down. Cinderella saw less of the Prince after their marriage because he had to run the country. The three little pigs had a boring life after the wolf died. Beauty missed a lot of her Beast after he became human.' Catherine scowled as she considered Vincent's words. 'Do you think I might love and need you more as my beast than as my husband?' [...] He arched a golden eyebrow. 'And what of children? Though Father believes me to be sterile, would you want my children if he is wrong?' Her green eyes widened. 'Me, have kittens?' she squeaked. 'Vincent, are you crazy? One of you in this world is enough. I'm greedy that way. Besides, I couldn't do all this exciting work for the DA if I got pregnant. It'd wreck my career.' She paused, considered for a moment. "Not to mention the line of my clothes.'"

• 

  from "People Change": "She was wearing a special, slinky, black dress, too-one cut way down in the back, probably because she didn't have anything to show off in the front. Vincent figured it was probably difficult to be se~ when you were built like a boy. He sighed even more deeply at that thought. Catherine's figure held no surprises for him, certainly not after he and Father had undressed her that near-fatal night she'd been attacked. Vincent hadn't known many naked women. In fact, he hadn't known any naked women until Catherine. All he had known were pictures from old issues of National Geographic in Father's study. When Vincent and Catherine met that cold April night, he had learned the hard way that all women weren't built like the ebony beauties of Africa. So much for a classical education. Shakespeare had never pointed out things like this. Vincent still had to admit that Catherine made the most of what she had, even if what she had was big lips, a jaw that never quit, no chest, narrow hips, and the thick-muscled legs of the habitual jogger. Short-torsoed and short-legged as Catherine was, Vincent knew without her telling him that she had to exercise constantly to keep blimpdom from attacking."

• 

  from "Two Beauties and a Beast": "'Gotchal' came a squeal of feminine triumph from his left. A damp hand clutched his arm; long, spider-like fingers snaked around his wrist. 'You're so cute when you run.' 'Why do they always sound like Miss Piggy with a hernia? his weary thoughts rambled."

• Onceuponanothertime-5.jpg

  Two Beauties and a Beast": "'I wanna have your love child,' she breathed in his face, and he shuddered to realize that she was entirely serious. He leaned back on the grass as a pair of fat, wet lips came closer, closer, closer... Oh, yuck."

• 

  from "Vincent's Pride": "My Vincent has changed. Gone is the shy, virginal beast, my sweet and innocent, blushing beast. In his place stands a fully confident, fully capable and functional stallion. Or maybe I mean lion. I'm so upset with him. Oh, not for wanting a reprise of what had to be a pretty lousy introduction to Sexual Fulfillment 101. I mean, Vincent was pretty much, well, unconscious when I had my way with him. I mean, it's only fair that he'd want to try again and see what he missed."

Reactions and Reviews

Superlative, controversial, excellently written zine that's overtly unimpressed with Catherine and not too excited about the more excessive forms of fan adulation, either.

The centerpiece and best story, “Long Ago and Far Away in the City of New York” is a plausible alternative to the pilot in which C dies of the original attack and her body is returned to her apartment (a la “Walk Slowly”) by a saddened but not devastated V, who never really got to know her. C's death is then investigated by Diana, who thereby becomes the original Beauty, with significant divergences, as a result, from how events developed in the pilot as shown.

Also notable is “Vincent's Pride,” in which C complains, to Peter, about her returning to the tunnels after years in the Witness Protection Program's unwanted custody, to find that she'd roused more than she bargained for in awakening Vincent's sexual propensities in the Trilogy cave. The final, and very funny, revelation must be read to be believed. The portrayal of C here is decidedly jaundiced, and will instantly send any die-hard Catherinite into furious orbit.

In “Two Beauties and a Beast,” V intervenes when two panting fans pursue Ron Perlman in the park...and tells them off in no uncertain terms.

Also another story, a pair of poems, and miscellaneous swipes at this and that.

If you take V&C's romance desperately seriously, you'll loathe this zine. If you enjoy imaginative, well-written alternative speculations and revere C only moderately, you'll find this superb but sardonic zine a revelation.