Never Mind the Bollux
| Zine | |
|---|---|
| Title: | Never Mind the Bollux |
| Publisher: | Gerald Crotty, Leona |
| Editor(s): | |
| Type: | |
| Date(s): | 1999 |
| Medium: | |
| Fandom: | Star Wars |
| Language: | English |
| External Links: | |
| Click here for related articles on Fanlore. | |
Never Mind the Bollux is a set of two Star Wars zines. They were created by Gerald Crotty and Leona and contain jokes, cartoons, satirical interviews, and puzzles.
The second issue won an honorable mention in the STAR aWARdS for Best Foreign Zine Under 100 Pages.
Issue 1
Never Mind the Bollux 1 was published in May 1999 and contains 9 pages.
From the first issue:
Star Wars is a cultural phenomenon, even now after more than two decades it permeates the pop culture, it's a truly unusual, exceptional, radical, meaningful event that impacts on all our lives. It's mythical undertones reach into our psyche. This seminal Sci-Fi movie...
Yeah, well that's enough of all that bollocks, this ain't that kind of Zine. We're gonna focus on the really important stuff:
This month marks the 20th anniversary of THE STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL; Itchy and Lumpy are always with us (unless you've got the ointment.)
Even more importantly this issue focuses on everyone's favourite armless biped - POWER DROID!
How on Earth - or better yet, how in the galaxy could such a mysterious and obscure figure emerge as a full fledged legend? He's a cultural icon! In a recent STAR WARS INSIDEOUTSIDER poll POWER DROID came second after Han Solo.
"Glomp Glomp" or "Gonk Gonk" ?? Even his dialogue is shrouded in mystery.
Amongst the various Power Droidy features this issue we have an exclusive interview with the man who puts the POWER in Power Droid, renowned film and stage actor ; JUAN KING!!
Everyone loves Star Wars; As ALEC GUINESS said in his latest book of memoirs: "Star Wars... I shrivel inside each time it is mentioned...a fantasy world of secondhand childish banalities."
Er, yeah... thanks Alec.
- Introduction: We've Got the Power! (1)
- cartoon (1)
- Star Wars TV (2)
- Dear Leia (3)
- Power Droid Speaks! An Interview with the Man Who Played Power Droid: Juan King (4)
- Puzzle Page (6)
- Classified Assignments (7)
- Star Wars Foto Funnies (8)
- Oy Knob Head! (reference to Darth Maul) (9)
from issue #1
from issue #1
from issue #1
from issue #1
Issue 2
Never Mind the Bollux 2 was published in October 1999 and contains 9 pages.
From the introduction:
"YIPPEE!!" "WIZARD!!"
Who says George Lucas can't write dialogue! Well our collective PMT (Pre-Menace Tension) is finally over. Was it good? Was it crap? Who knows? But at least George has finally revealed the level of his humour with Star Wars' first fart gag. Well done George! We can only hope that he continues this trend and look forward to Palpatine letting one rip in the Senate, Armadillo dropping her guts on the throne, Obi-Wan countering a rear attack with a special Jedi Fart-push. And of course a campfire scene in which our heroes enjoy some Bantha Beans would provide a Farting Fandango. Maybe Yoda will light one up! And maybe it will be confirmed that Mace Windu is so called because his farts make your eyes water!!
Well our first issue of NMTB was a great success, here's what some famous people have said about it:
Lady Penelope: "I thought it was thoroughly splendid, well done!!"
Harrison Ford: "...errr...I.... errrrrrr I'm not.... errrrr... rrrr... rrrrrrrrr.
Carrie Fisher: "Hic!"
Mark Hamill: "Will you please stop sending me this crap!"
Kenny: "Iff ffnf iff iff fnn! anfffffn shiff!"
Gillian Anderson: "I'm sure there's a rational explanation for all this."
- Introduction (1)
- Star Wars TV (2)
- CGI Power Droid (3)
- Dear Leia (4)
- Ethnic Stereotyping, an satirical essay by "Phyllis Stein" (Excerpt: "One would have thought that offensive racial stereotypes were a thing of the past but it would seem that they're still with us, thinly disguised as Aliens in a galaxy not so far away. In George Lucas's much hyped fascistic sci-fi sequel we are assaulted by all manner of ethnic stereotypes. There is of course the subservient Black man: JarJar Binks. The greedy Orientals: The Nimoydians. One would have thought that these stereotypes had gone out of fashion along with the "Thick Irishman" and the "Tight-fisted Scotsman". But most offensive of all must be the character of Yarael Poof, the long necked Jedi who represents that most tired of stereotypes : The Gay Geordie Peeping-Tom. Newcastlians have been greatly offended by this character. At one point in the film he says to Anakin "Why-flye, pet, d'ya like Gladiator movies like?!" And at every opportunity the character can be seen craning his neck into frame and leering in a manner which only 'George Lucas and other unreconstructed racist homophobes would find amusing.") (5)
- Activity Page and Limericks, includes a illo to color that portrays a stormtrooper on Hoth (5)
- Now It's "Obi Wonky-Knobby" and a satirical tie-in book review (6)
- Classified Announcements, includes a flyer for a fake con called "The Phantom Convention" (7)
- a satirical ad for "Galactic Funk" (8)
from issue #2
from issue #2
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