I Am Femslash: Catgranting

Meta
Title:	I Am Femslash
Creator:	Catgranting (Jackie)
Date(s):	February 27, 2017
Medium:	Tumblr post
Fandom:
Topic:
External Links:	I Am Femslash, Archived version (scroll down)
Click here for related articles on Fanlore.

I Am Femslash is a 2017 essay by Catgranting.

It is part of the I Am Femslash essay series sponsored by Femslash Revolution.

Excerpts

During my eight year stretch of suppression and angst I had definitely read femslash, but rarely anything substantial, and I had always felt pretty guilty afterwards. The introduction to tumblr brought the introduction of femslash creators - women who were open within this community, women who were creating incredible content that in a lot of cases went ignored by the larger portion of fandom. Getting to know these women, and being exposed to their art was beyond comforting. It was like a homecoming, an eternal. cushy, safe space filled with the best kind of people.

During this time I began to entertain the idea that I was not entirely straight, and a little less than a year later Last Tango in Halifax was airing. I’m going to go ahead and credit Caroline/Kate’s relationship with kicking me out of the closet. While that relationship didn’t go in the direction I was hoping, it was watching the interactions between those two middle aged women…those women who weren’t cast for male consumption…that made me realize basically everything I wanted in life. That moment felt a lot like my birthday. I came out after that, and ended up dating my best friend who I’d met on tumblr when I was fifteen. It was like everything clicked into place, and after that the femslash poured forth. I dabbled in ficlets that I published on a private blog, and sent to just a few of my friends (I was never really a writer), and then it morphed into giffing and edits for rare pairs, or whichever two/older women were being ignored in a series. It morphed again around this time last year when I began watching Star Trek, and I HAD to somehow make Janeway and Seven kiss. So…fanart. I’d abandoned drawing years before due to good ole’ insecurity. But the power of lesbian subtext forced me right out of that comfort zone and into a doodling frenzy. I will say that the majority of my drawing since then has been for the Cat/Kara pairing from Supergirl. Those characters, and their fandom have truly been the ones to propel me forward through a sea of self doubt.

I’m thankful every day for the people, and the pairings that pushed me back into creating. Drawing for f/f pairings is one of the most therapeutic things I’ve ever done. It gave me a new sense of purpose, and a better grasp on what I want out of life..thus the “it saved me” aspect of it. Femslash has been at the center of so many incredible things in my life. It’s my constant. The thing that helped me discover myself. The thing that is my comfort, and my happiness, and the source of my creativity. It’s brought me the things I love most. My partner, my friends, and this entire community. It gives me something to look forward to each and every day, and fills me with hope for future generations of wlw. Thank you, to the women who give pieces of themselves to fandom, who spend their time creating beautiful things for this community. Thank you for this space, and for your stories, and for your art all of which allowed me to know myself. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, thank you.