Yea, Though I Walk (Star Trek: TOS fiction series)

Fanfiction
Title:	Yea, Though I Walk
Author(s):	Katy Young
Date(s):	1978
Length:
Genre(s):	slash
Fandom(s):	Star Trek: TOS
Relationship(s):	Kirk/Spock
External Links:	first page of "My Rest Forever"
Click here for related articles on Fanlore.

Katy Young published six K/S stories in Mahko Root #2 and three K/S stories in Star Canticle #1, both published in September 1978.

They were some of the very first K/S stories published in a zine.

Collectively, they are known as the "Yea, Though I Walk" series.

The Stories

From Mahko Root #2:

• The First Mile (Kirk and Spock first meet, and they get off to a rocky start. "All of his initial attempts to establish a more friendly rapport with the Vulcan were met with unbending formality. Once or twice he came close to losing his temper, but he controlled the impulse. He was determined not to let Spock destroy this once- in-a-lifetime experience. Now, except for the exchange of information necessary to the job at hand, he seldom bothered to talk with him.")

• Almost Home (Kirk encourages Spock to ask for command of a ship of his own, but then, with advice from McCoy, realizes and expresses his love for Spock. "Excitement grew in Kirk. He held his breath and waited for the words which would confirm the joy seething inside him. Instead of looking away in embarassment, as Kirk was sure he would, Spock held his gaze with a rare openness. "I cannot leave because I love you and need you.")

• Around the Next Corner (Kirk and Spock re-express their love for each other while on a camping/research trip planetside. "What are you asking of me?" Nothing.... Everything.... Anything.... Love me.... "Nothing that you don't want. I won't ask for anything you can't freely give.")

• Being Lost is Worth the Coming Home (After admitting their love for each other, Kirk becomes distraught at the thought of Spock being in danger. Kirk takes a leave of absence and goes to Earth to get his head together. "No! No, Spock. That's not it at all. Oh, God! McCoy was right. Listen to me! I love you. I don't want to lose you. Please, you've got to understand. I never meant to hurt you...that is, I did, but I didn't know that's what I was doing." He stopped, aghast at the mess he was making of his attempted explanation. What was he saying? That wasn't what he meant. His body refused to move, even though Spock was walking toward the door. For the third time in Kirk's adult life, the tears spilled over, and he called out in a ragged sob, "Don't go, Spock! Help me... please.")

• A Place to Dwell (Spock and Kirk go to Vulcan and find out that Sarek is opposed to their relationship. "Sarek turned to face his son, not speaking for a moment as he stared at the still figure. "You were born of Vulcan, raised in the tradition and its obligations. When you joined Star Fleet, I objected because of the temptations life among humans would bring. You defied my wishes at that time, but I learned to accept your choice, even to believe it was the correct decision. You con- ducted yourself properly and brought honor to this house by your work. Now I find that I have been mistaken. You have turned your back on all that you were taught. You have let an emotional attachment fot this man corrupt you.")

• My Rest Forever (Kirk and Spock have their bonding ceremony. "He kissed the warm lips in the darkness and knew a sudden desire to look upon Spock's face. Soft light flooded the room at his touch on the switch. He lay drinking in the vision of his beloved with renewed joy.... "I will welcome the joining." A warm protectiveness swelled in his chest at the vision of this man, always so precise and brilliant in his logic, finding it difficult even yet to say the words of love. Kirk rose from the sofa and walked to place a hand on Spock's face. The depth of his own feelings poured forth as a tide upon which his words floated. "So will I, love" So will I.")

From Star Canticle #1:

• ... And Always Will (Jim, in the throes of guilt about the death of Edith Keeler, is comforted by Spock. "Don't you see?" Kirk interrupted, turning to face Spock. "It wouldn't have made any difference if Edith had lived. The stars would still be here. ..only Earth would have changed—one tiny world. And who's to say the rest of the universe wouldn't be better for that change? Certainly not me. Yet, I had to play God and decide." His voice fell to a whisper as he faced the wall once more. "Maybe I chose wrong.")
• A Way Chosen (Spock has been temporarily assigned to work on the planet Armara, and while there, becomes betrothed to its High Priestess of the Light, someone who can read the feelings and desires of others. Kirk intervenes. "Her strange eyes searched his face intently for several minutes. "You do not know that he would be unhappy. Is it not possible he would find fulfillment with me?" "No." He knew from the depths of his soul that a marriage between the two would be wrong, but how could he convince her? An eternity of silence passed while she continued her intense study of him. He grasped at words and expla nations, only to throw them aside unvoiced. There wasn't anything else to say. At last she smiled gently and spoke. "I believe I understand now. I am sorry to have caused you distress. Mr. Spock is not the correct choice.... It is something you must discover for yourself. Goodbye, James Kirk." )
• Return Passage (As Kirk returns home to Earth to be with his dying mother, he remembers her words two years before when he'd brought his orphaned nephew to her after the death of Sam and Sam's wife. ""You know nothing!" she bit out in low tones filled with rage. "Nothing!! My son is dead, and you. ..you stand here spouting facts about some parasite and how good it was that you found a cure in time to save that alien first officer. Sam is dead! I don't care about anything else. Do you hear? I wouldn't have cared if you'd all died in stead. I only want my son. Oh, God! Sam.. .Sam... " The sobs came then, tearing dry sobs without even the healing balm of tears.")

• 

  from Star Canticle #1

• 

  from "... And Always Will," art by Dotty Barry

• 

  from Mahko Root #2, art by Gayle F imbedded in the zine for this series

• 

  from Mahko Root #2, art by Gerry Downes imbedded in the zine for this series

• 

  from Mahko Root #2, art by Nan Lewis imbedded in the zine for this series

• 

  from Mahko Root #2, art by Mary Ann Emerson imbedded in the zine for this series

• 

  from Mahko Root #2, title page for "The First Mile"

• 

  from Mahko Root #2, title page for "Almost Home"

Reactions and Reviews

1979

[The] short stories by Katy Young, in conjunction with her three stories in Star Canticle, can rightfully be called a novella. The Young series entitled, 'Yea, Though I Walk,' is an exploration of the development of the K/S relationship -- one of the best I've ever read. More to the point, it is an exploration of the development of Kirk's every-growing, ever-changing character, and an excellent treatment of that theme and the age-old question of 'What, REALLY is love?' There is no particular explicit sex, but the sexual side of the relationship is certainly central, and very important, to the theme. It is excellently written and beautifully executed.

1980

The last six short stories are of a K/S series by Katy Young (with one great [Gayle F] illo). They jump from the first meeting of Kirk with his First Officer, whom he can't stand, to when their five-year mission is done, and Spock has been given a promotion to another ship. Although the feeling is there, the dialog seems a bit out of character; for in those 5 long years they have never even been able to talk of their friendship at all, then at the last minute Kirk tries to express himself and get Spock to stay by saying he loves him and can't do without him, and Spock replies in kind. I might imagine the uptight Vulcan to be a bit more reticent and roundabout in his reply, at this stage. But these are nicely-done stories, a good beginning. No explicit love scenes.

1998

Just when I thought I had read every English- language K/S story there was to read, along comes Mahko Root 2. I thought it was almost exclusively gen, with little or no K/S, but I was wrong.

This zine was published in 1978 by Susan Burr and Penelope Warren, and it features 6, count ‘em 6, very early K/S stories that I did not know existed.

The six stories trace the course of Jim and Spock's relationship, and cover about 50 pages.

In "The First Mile" Kirk doesn't like Spock at all when he first takes command of the Enterprise, and it's a little hard to see how the relationship changes from the positive dislike (it ends "He still didn't like Spock, but this was going to be a most extraordinary learning experience — if it didn't kill him first.") to almost - love in the second story, "Almost Home." There Spock is about to take command of his own ship, until at the last minute Kirk asks him to stay—all Spock had been waiting to hear. Here they exchange the words "I love you" for the first time, but they are each uncertain about taking the next step.

The next story is "Around The Next Corner." They're on shore leave and the inevitable happens, although all is implied, nothing explicit. The physical does often tend to follow the emotional, does it not?

"Being Lost is Worth the Coming Home...." Kirk doesn't seem to be able to deal with the conflicting emotions his affair with Spock is producing. He worries about his Vulcan on landing parties, becomes angry with him for his physical superiority, although he claims that sexual identity isn't one of his problems.

I found this story memorable for one of the most unique explanations to McCoy I've ever read.

Kirk says, "Bones, you know about Spock and me?"

"Ummm." The non-committal sound roused Kirk from his reverie. "Good Lord, didn't you think I was aware you knew? Let's stop playing games."

McCoy's voice was as steady as his eyes when he answered. "Okay, Jim, I know. So what? I'm on your side."

"Yeah. Well, I'm having problems dealing with it."

Kirk decides he needs time alone. He takes an indeterminate leave, leaving Spock only with the knowledge that "something" is wrong with their relationship. Spock's reaction was stoic, as usual, but also surprisingly supportive.

"Jim, I have known for some time that all was not right between us."

Kirk goes to New England where his nephew Peter is living with relatives of his mother's, but the visit only convinces him that his answers won't be found on Earth. He returns to the Enterprise, where Spock is waiting .... And of course, the answer is there, with his Vulcan.

In "A Place to Dwell" they travel in the opposite direction, to Vulcan, where Sarek makes it clear that he does not approve of their relationship. Uniquely, neither does Amanda. I was not quite certain why this disapproval manages to turn around by the end of the story, so that Sarek officiates in a private ceremony among the three to bond our fellows. Still, this is an interesting story with "color." And some utterly fascinating line drawings that I suppose are abstracts, matching the uncertainty of the story.

Finally, the sixth story is "My Rest Forever." There's a gorgeous drawing by Nan Lewis accompanying. Kirk awakens in the aftermath of pon farr, his bondmate by his side, and finds it hard to contemplate the loneliness that will face him for the next seven years. He wants the mental completion, the surety that was part of the Time, but discovers that there might be something even more important, and fulfilling.

So, overall, an enjoyable set of stories, and such an unexpected treat! There's really very little of Spock that gets through here, the pov is Kirk's, and the plotlines are his struggles. Also, the Spock portrayed here is pretty uncompromising in his Vulcan-ness, and we don't get the softening that is now almost a staple of fan writing. Fascinating, to see this early example of K/S.