The Very Secret Diaries

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Title: The Very Secret Diary (VSD) series
Author(s): Cassandra Claire
Date(s): 2001-2002
Genre: Crack!fic
Fandom: The Lord of the Rings movieverse
External Links: cassieclaire on LiveJournal, also authorized archive

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A set of funny first-person diary entries by characters in The Fellowship of the Ring and the Two Towers movies, as written by the fan Cassandra Claire. It contains jokes about both slash and het.

The story was mentioned in the Fanfiction Syllabus of the 2015 essay collection It’s a Fanmade World: From One Direction to Soderbergh as one of "Ten classics that cover the history, breadth, and depth of the form".

Other "Very Secret Diaries"

The style is very similar to Bridget Jones's Diary and The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole. There also seems to have been a Saruman's Diary circulating in Tolkien fandom around 1995.[1] The Diaries received significant media coverage outside fandom, unusual at this date, and even had a Wikipedia article from 2005 to 2011.

Claire wrote:

I don't mind people writing their own VSDs in fandoms other than LOTR, I didn't invent the diary format, and I don't own it. Knock yourself out, and if you find VSDs being written in other fandoms, please don't accuse the author of plagiarizing: they aren't... If, however, you want to write VSDs in LOTR, I would prefer that you not call them the "official and approved continuation of Cassie Claire's VSDs" unless you've had a conversation with me about it. It doesn't seem fair to any other people writing LOTR VSDs, and also, it isn't truthful. Thanks. [2]

More than one fan took Claire up on her permission to emulate, though with a different end goals; see The Very Secret Diaries of Aja.

Introduction to the First Story

So, I have been trawling through the wilderness that is Lord of the Rings fanfiction. No, I don’t mean Hobbit smut, which is all much of a muchness; I was looking for Legolas/Aragorn slash because Rhysenn said she wanted to read some. Alas, there hardly is any, it’s all Legolas/Gimli (which admittedly makes far more sense if you’ve read the books) but it’s kinda yukky. I did find one Legolas/Aragorn story, which featured Legolas sneaking into Aragorn’s room after the Council of Elrond and....stealing his diary. Apparently, Aragorn has a diary and time to write in it, and all he writes about is how cute he thinks Elf boys are. Who knew? I told Emily about this, and we were boggled as to what else Aragorn might put in his diary, aside from the fact that it is already tragically out of character for Aragorn, who seems very busy fighting a war against evil and waiting to be King of Middle-Earth, to have a diary in the first place. One does wonder what he might write in it... [3]

Famous Catch Phrases from VSD

  • still the prettiest
  • Sam will kill him if he tries anything
  • Cannot cope. Off to Mordor
  • strawberry bath bubbles (or strawberry elf soap)
  • blow the horn of Gondor
  • go me!
  • still not king
  • pervy Hobbit-fanciers
  • Indistinguishable Backup Hobbit
  • Gandalf's pointy hat trick
  • Elf women just the right height to keep my ears warm

The Diaries

Fellowship of the Ring

The Two Towers

Coverage Outside Fandom

The Wikipedia article on the Diaries was deleted in 2011.[5] It stated:

The Very Secret Diaries are a series of satirical slash fiction stories written by Cassandra Claire in the form of diary entries by various characters in New Line Cinema's The Lord of the Rings film trilogy following the release of The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring. Claire wrote a handful more stories with the release of The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, but then abandoned the series.

The Very Secret Diaries were widely read both within and outside of the fan fiction community. They were considered to be "phenomenally successful" and a "cult classic",[6] as well as something "which no Tolkien fan should miss".[7] Her portrayal of Aragorn was described as "half-Hamlet, half-Adrian Mole".[6] It was also noted that "Cassie now has groupies"[7] and that the stories had a fandom of their own.[6] A dramatization of the diaries was featured in the documentary Ringers: Lord of the Fans.[8]

Following Claire's lead, several other Secret Diaries websites sprung up, either re-posting Cassandra Claire's original diaries[9] or writing entirely new diaries for Tolkien's characters.

Previous to Claire's efforts, in 1995, a similarly themed humorous character insight called "Saruman's Diary" appeared in the Usenet news group rec.arts.books.tolkien.

Inspired Fanworks

Reactions and Reviews


Check out Cassandra Claire's hilarious, slashy Very Secret Diaries of the Lord of the Rings characters, which she's been putting together in her LiveJournal. Hearing them discuss the true goings on from the movie Bridget Jones style is a lot of fun, like when you find out that Frodo left the Fellowship because he was tired of having everyone hit on him all the time. My favorite diaries are Frodo's, Saruman the White's, Merry's, and Ringwraith No 5's, but they're all highly entertaining as well as interconnected. For example, "Sam will kill him if he tries anything" shows up in every one. <g> Diaries are also available for Sam, Legolas, Aragorn, Boromir, Gimli, Pippin, and Gollum. Don't you want to be a "pervy hobbit-fancier" too? [10]


  1. 1995 Saruman's Diary mentioned on the Wikipedia VSD page
  2. The original pervy hobbit fancier's Journal, Archived version March 1, 2003
  3. cassieclaire: The Secret Diary of Aragorn, Archived version December 30, 2001
  4. She knew that Legolas's father was not Weenus, it was a joke.
  5. A list of the arguments for and against deletion are archived here. Among the arguments was that slashfic is inherently not notable or worth documenting, a too often fate of fanworks and fandom history on Wikipedia.
  6. 6.0 6.1 6.2 "Into the lists". The Telegraph. 2006-04-02. Retrieved 2008-01-10.[dead link]
  7. 7.0 7.1 "Fallin' off a blog". The Age. 2002-06-06. Retrieved 2008-01-10.
  8. "A review of Ringers". 2005-01-21. Retrieved 2008-05-20.
  9. Bella Online: Lord of the Rings: Secret Diaries
  10. Viridian5 Fiction: The Green Room version 3.0 Fanfic Recommendations 2002-2009, Archived version, February 2008