The Terran Teaser Meets the Double Whammy

K/S Fanfiction
Title:	The Terran Teaser Meets the Double Whammy
Author(s):	Ellen O'Neil
Date(s):	1992
Length:
Genre:	slash
Fandom:	Star Trek: The Original Series
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The Terran Teaser Meets the Double Whammy is a Kirk/Spock story by Ellen O'Neil.

It was published in the print zine T'hy'la #12.

Summary

"Kirk discovers a homosexual magazine and a human dildo in Spockʼs cabin."

Reactions and Reviews

A first-time tale. Kirk finds a copy of the porn mag "Man to Man" and a Terran Teaser dildo in the "Boy Next Door" size in Spock's quarters, which first shocks him, then sets him thinking along novel lines and eventually sends him shopping for a Vulcan Double Whammy dildo himself. Lots of fun. Very graphic.

This is a very intriguing story. I thought I had read just about everything in K/S: S/M, rape, excessive violence, threesomes, alternate universe, death stories, anything else you could name. But never have I read a story quite like this one. I was so embarrassed I positively squirmed. I absolutely ached for Kirk's unknowing invasion of Spock's privacy. And then, to have Spock's (supposed) hopeless infatuation for his Captain so finely detailed in all its exauisite pain/pleasure with the Terran Teaser.... [much omitted from this lengthy review] ... Well, this author certainly went where I would have feared to tread. This is not your typical "I love Jim but he doesn't love me I'm sure" story. There is so much about this story that I like, and yet some parts don't quite ring true. too. But it is also a wonderful piece of writing. The section on page 65 and 70 where Spock's masturbatory imaginings with the magazine becomes intertwined with his images of Kirk is brilliant. Chapter Two, which details Kirk's changing perception of his First Officer was just right, with some truly humorous moments. I especially liked the part with the chess game; I won't reveal what happens there so anyone who reads this story can enjoy a good chuckle when they do. I'm not so sure that I could go along with Roselli being such a stereotypical 'fag,' but I've got to admit this scene was funny, too .... [much omitted from this lengthy review] ... It's when we get into Chapter Three that I started having problems. First, I find it really hard to believe that Kirk would not recognize his own First Officer in the store on Arcturus. especially in a little sex shop of the Avenue of Pleasures. After all, he's there because of all the incredible thoughts he's been having about Spock anyway. Second, I just couldn't believe the part where Spock reveals his fantasies to Kirk. None of it sounded like the fantasies that a Vulcan would have. They sounded terribly stereotyped and very adolescent, too. I also doubted the way they advanced to such emotional intimacy (revealing fantasies) so quickly. That part of the scene didn't feel quite right .... [much omitted from this lengthy review] ... On first reading, I thought that this story's characterization of Spock was rather unique. But upon reflection. I realized that I've read many other stories where Spock is just as inexperienced, just as shy and awkward, as just as hopelessly in love with Kirk as the Spock in "The Terran Teaser...." But Ms. O'Neil writes so darn well, she brings this Spock to walking, breathing life in a way no other similar story ever has. It was a shock to come face to face with such a vivid rendering. I felt like such a voyeur. And I still haven't gotten over the embarrassment....

The Terran Teaser Meets the Double Whammy is a famous K/S story that you should all read sometime or other, since it is probably the most embarrassing K/S story I've ever encountered. You would think that after ten years of reading and writing and countless trips to the printerwith erotic K/S art to be reproduced nothing would faze me, but this story makes me blush every time. Kirk discovers homoerotic literature and a plastic human-shaped dildo (that's the Terran teaser) in Spock's quarters! And the second scene is Spock coming back to that magazine (with pictures of a human and a Vulcan male making love) and that dildo and using them. I blush even to type it. An incredible scene. And it's quite obvious from Spock's fantasizing that he very much imagines himself in the physically submissive role, with Kirk very definitely, lovingly, gently dominant. (This is beginning to sound good to me!) The story proceeds as Kirk decides he needs to buy a Double Whammy (a Vulcan-shaped dildo) in order to help him figure out if he really wants Spock as a lover. The inevitable meeting and confrontation and sex scene contains this exchange, which I think reliably illustrates how O'Neil sees the Spock in her stories. Here Kirk has just penetrated and achieved orgasm within Spock, and now he's offeringto let Spock experience the same thing:

"Spock, I want you to feel the same thing I did. I want you to come inside me."

"Jim!" Spock exclaimed, and pushed himself away from Kirk's embrace so he could look Kirk in the face. "You do not need to submit to me to please me, Jim. I have little experience of sex. I can easily adapt and learn to what you desire. But you.... You already have established needs. The masculine role is one to which you are accustomed."

"You're offering to let it be one sided?" Kirk asked in an awed voice.

"Not one sided, Jim," Spock said. "When you took me there was great pleasure in it for me, and..." Spock shyly lowered his eyes, "I enjoyed it when your mouth was on my penis." He looked back up. "I am saying that my fulfillment does not require me to be inside you. But you have a strong instinct and desire to penetrate your mate. Jim.... I want to be your mate."

'What about pon farr?" Kirk asked. "Won't you have an instinct to penetrate then?"

"Yes," Spock slowly conceded.

"Then we'd better find out right now whether I can take it," Kirk said. "Besides, if I'm going to be the aggressor most of the time, I want to know something about what it feels like to you, and this is the best way for me to find out...."

And then, thank goodness, the rest of the scene does have Spock penetrating Kirk, but you can see he has to be talked into it.

One of the best things about O'Neil's stories is her whimsical humor. There's a scene in Terran Teaser where Kirk interviews Spock's prospective yeoman ("If Spock got into a twosome with this guy, Spock definitely wouldn't be the one spreading his legs.") that is really funny.

This author didn‘t write K/S for very long, but I quickly learned to look for her name in the table of contents of a zine. While she writes a more submissive Spock and a more dominant Kirk than is usually found, I enjoy her renditions of the guys. She manages to push my sensitive Vulcan button every time.

'The Terran Teaser Meets the Double Whammy.' One day while Spock is out of his cabin, Kirk enters looking for some medication he needs and—lo and behold—finds a porno magazine on the floor by Spock‘s bed. Of course Kirk can‘t resist the temptation to pick it up. When he lays it on his lap it opens automatically, as if it had been opened many times before, to an art portfolio entitled Mixed Mates. On page after page in a series of illustrations a human male is shown kissing and finally penetrating a Vulcan male. Shocked beyond belief—but not shocked enough to leave—Kirk rummages around under the mattress of Spock‘s bed and comes up with a catalog filled with all sorts of sexual paraphernalia including dildoes. One of these is a human version called The Terran Teaser. Its Vulcan counterpart is entitled The Double Whammy. And then he finds the human dildo tucked away in Spock‘s drawer! All this turns Kirk‘s preconceptions about his friend upside down and starts him thinking. While told with a light touch (such as a lovely scene where Kirk decides Spock doesn‘t need a new yeoman—a new male yeoman, especially one who wears earrings) there are still several scenes that are very poignant. Spock, thoroughly in love with his captain, desperately wanting a closer relationship, comes as close to it as he thinks he can ever come, and after his solitary experience with the dildo 'wondered what it was like to be hugged in real life.'

Beautiful writing. Very moving. If you like a stronger Vulcan, this might not be for you, but if a virginal Spock is your thing, this story will deliver.

But [the reaction to The Quality of Command] wasn’t anything compared to the rousing discussion that was generated by a story by Ellen that appeared the next year in T’hy’la 12. Ellen did have a particular view of Spock and of his relationship with Kirk. She saw Spock as requiring protection, a relatively “needy” characterization, and in need of Kirk as a leader as well as a lover. Now, you’ve got to admit that “The Terran Teaser Meets the Double Whammy” has got to be one of the more innovative, provocative titles you’ve ever read, right? And for those who don’t know, you’ve got to wonder what the heck a Terran Teaser is, and what the relationship is to a Double Whammy—though if you start to think of the famous double ridges, you would probably be on the right track. Yes, Ellen wrote a story about dildos. One day Kirk goes into Spock’s deserted quarters and discovers a porn magazine, and not just any ordinary one. A porn magazine with explicit pictures of male beings, many of them human, designed to, er, arouse the male of just about any species who leans that way. After the initial shock, our stalwart captain does what any normal, curious human being would do, he finds the human-configured dildo that goes along with the magazine, and he begins to draw the right conclusions about his first officer. Add in a hilarious scene with a gay yeoman who really, really wants to be Spock’s assistant (something that Kirk can’t seem to agree with), a truly affecting, beautifully written scene of Spock using the dildo and longing for his captain, and a chance meeting in a porn shop on the surface of the planet the Enterprise is conveniently orbiting, and you’ve got one of the more unique K/S stories ever written. “The Terran Teaser” presents both humor and pathos for a kick you aren’t likely to forget.