Ellen O'Neil

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Name:	Ellen O'Neil
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Fandoms:	Star Trek: TOS
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Ellen O'Neil is Kirk/Spock fanwriter.

Just as Anne McClean wrote several stories for Merry Men Press in a short period of time, the same thing seems to have happened with Ellen O’Neil and the zines put out by [Kathy Resch]. The story “Quality of Command” by Ellen O’Neil appears in T’hy’la 11 (1992), the first of four stories that would be printed within two years. Here Kirk’s solicitude for Spock as his lover undermines their ability to function as a command team. I remember when this story first appeared, how there was quite a bit of conversation about it as readers wondered if Kirk could be so short-sighted.

But that wasn’t anything compared to the rousing discussion that was generated by a story by Ellen that appeared the next year in T’hy’la 12. Ellen did have a particular view of Spock and of his relationship with Kirk. She saw Spock as requiring protection, a relatively “needy” characterization, and in need of Kirk as a leader as well as a lover. Now, you’ve got to admit that “The Terran Teaser Meets the Double Whammy” has got to be one of the more innovative, provocative titles you’ve ever read, right? And for those who don’t know, you’ve got to wonder what the heck a Terran Teaser is, and what the relationship is to a Double Whammy—though if you start to think of the famous double ridges, you would probably be on the right track. Yes, Ellen wrote a story about dildos. One day Kirk goes into Spock’s deserted quarters and discovers a porn magazine, and not just any ordinary one. A porn magazine with explicit pictures of male beings, many of them human, designed to, er, arouse the male of just about any species who leans that way. After the initial shock, our stalwart captain does what any normal, curious human being would do, he finds the human-configured dildo that goes along with the magazine, and he begins to draw the right conclusions about his first officer.

Add in a hilarious scene with a gay yeoman who really, really wants to be Spock’s assistant (something that Kirk can’t seem to agree with), a truly affecting, beautifully written scene of Spock using the dildo and longing for his captain, and a chance meeting in a porn shop on the surface of the planet the Enterprise is conveniently orbiting, and you’ve got one of the more unique K/S stories ever written. “The Terran Teaser” presents both humor and pathos for a kick you aren’t likely to forget.