Seriously Bent

From Fanlore
Jump to: navigation, search
Personal Fanfiction Website
Website: Seriously Bent
Author: Mallory Klohn
Dates: active in 2001
Fandom: Due South, The Sentinel, X-Files, Queer As Folk UK
URL: (Wayback link)
Click here for related articles on Fanlore.

Seriously Bent was a personal website with slash fanfiction by Mallory Klohn.

Seriously Bent Cheez-Pleezers For Your Brain.png

Due South

Free Parking (NC-17: Ben/Ray V.) In which Ray and Ben hang out in the cabin listening to soppy Canadian music and playing Monopoly till all hours of the night. Ray speaks bad Italian, Ben brings his own lube... what else can I say?

One Man's Kink (NC-17: Ben/Ray V.) In which Ben is revealed to be only a man, while Ray turns out to be a monster. But in a good way!

Queer as Folk

I Like it Like That - In which nothing seems to be going right for Vince. Then again, when did it ever? Long nights and lunatics, everyone having a go, his best friend waiting around every corner to call him mean names... when does the madness end? And what the hell is he supposed to do with himself if it does?

The Sentinel

Woe is You I: Pine and Stew (PG: J/B) In which Blair takes Jim home after his bizarre ordeal in prison and freaks out on Ben-Gay fumes, causing all kinds of havoc and stuff. This story is set post-Prisoner X, and despite its misleading title, will not have a sequel, ever. Ever. Really.

Life Lived Like a Mentos Commercial (NC-17: J/B, B/o) In which Jim relives the same Baffling Day of Death over and over, only making things worse for himself when he tries to make them better. This story was written for an SOS auction (Save Our Sentinel, not some weird ABBA thing), but I refuse to blame myself for the show's cancellation. Plenty of people wrote stories for that auction, goddamn it.

Vegas Vanity Stories

"Loosely based upon our exciting trip to Las Vegas in November of 1999, this challenge was suggested by Carol Ventura."

Bette Midler's Death Mask by Carol Ventura (R: J/B) Jim learns once again that he should really start screening his phone calls when an appeal from Blair leads to Vegas Cheesiness.

Kids Under Twelve Drink Free by Mallory Klohn(R: J/B) In which Jim and Blair go to Las Vegas just for the heck of it. Jim suffers greatly but wins big, while Blair loses big and suffers, well, not at all.

Bright Lights by AnneZo (R: J/B) In which Anne is too good to write a goddamn summary... eh, I mean, in which Blair has a rotten time in Las Vegas, and still manages to lose sixteen hours of his life without alien intervention. But then, smoochies!

The X-Files

"All of my M/Sk stories take place in the same universe, beginning with Part One of The Denny's Cycle. You can read them out of sequence if you want; it'll still make some kind of sense unless you start with, say, Part Three of It's Not Unusual, since INU is the series that actually has some kind of plot. (No! Yes!)"

The Denny's Cycle (NC-17: M/Sk)

One: Miles to Go Before I Sleep In which Mulder runs into Skinner at the finest restaurant chain in North America, they chat, and Skinner takes Mulder home to show him his extensive selection of scary sex toys.

Two: I Stop at IHOP In which Mulder spills the beans to Scully, goes for a refreshing dip in the pool, and takes Skinner back to Denny's to talk about those little round potatoes you can't get there.

Three: Because Inquiring Minds Want to Know In which Mulder is beaten within an inch of his life, and still manages to get frisky enough to use a handicapped access bathroom stall for something other than its intended purpose.

It's Not Unusual (NC-17: M/Sk)

One: The Baffling Donuts of Death Someone is stalking Mulder and giving him... crullers? Skinner is running scared, Scully makes a brief appearance to bitch about the effects of Deep Woods Off on fine hosiery, and someone other than Mulder rents way too many porn flicks.

Two: All Art is Quite Useless Skinner is the victim of computer piracy at its most repulsive, Mulder freaks out on stale donuts and goes on an unauthorized stakeout, and someone redecorates his apartment while he's gone. It's probably an improvement on his previous decor, but that's not saying much, now, is it?

Three: One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish What kind of sick bastard messes with a man's fish? Scully finally gets the Film at 11 version of Mulder's new relationship, Skinner spends a few hours in Heart Attack Country, and the new boy in town is dark, handsome, and lookin' for smoochies.

Four: The Return of the Anti-Mulder Mulder's stalker ups the ante with Fabio Fitness, Skinner wonders what the hell he was thinking when he sent Mulder and White out of town together, and Mulder disappears after an evening of behaving even more weirdly than usual.

Five: Everybody Wants to Be My Baby After being trapped in a cheesy love wagon for far too long, Mulder finally meets his stalker, but her intentions are stranger than he imagined.

Six: Country Music, the Music of Pain While trying to drown his sorrows at a sleazy gin joint, Skinner meets a man who may be able to help him purge Mulder from his black, twisted little soul... but like many serious illnesses, Mulder isn't that easy to get rid of.

Stand-Alone Stories (M/Sk)

The Threat of Other Chicks (NC-17) In which Mulder gets amnesia and somehow turns into a much nicer, much more naïve person as a result. This story advocates amnesia for all the jerks in your life, but really, it's not about that at all.

Cyanide and Astroglide (NC-17) In which Mulder and Scully venture into the seamy world of porno flicks to solve a series of gruesome, supposedly unexplained murders while Skinner sits around feeling sorry for himself because his Sweet Baby keeps getting into trouble, even though they're in the same general region for once.

"It has been said of this story that I all too obviously got sick of writing it about two thirds of the way through, and I can't really refute that, but it's one of my favorites, anyway."

The Goddamned Krycek Stories

Part One: Rogaine, Rats, and Baseball Bats (NC-17: M/K) In which Krycek happens upon Mulder at a highly vulnerable moment and takes advantage of it like the no-good bastard that we all know he really is. Please note that this is the only story I have tweaked significantly for the web site; I took out the song lyrics, because I care about you. I do!

Part Two: Rainy Day G-Men (NC-17: M/Sk) In which Mulder processes through his assault in about fifteen minutes, then seeks his revenge against Krycek. This is the worst story I have ever written, hands down, including a story I wrote in ninth grade that I actually called They're Playing Our Song, which sucks so much that I often name it as the chief cause of my many anxiety disorders.

"I have never been a fan of "Raped Today, Loved Tomorrow" stories, and so the only explanation I can give you for having written one is that as with many other things I did during that period that I now regret deeply, I was obviously insane at the time."