Sarlaac Pit: The Reason Sorry Products Were Made

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Title:	Sarlaac Pit: The Reason Sorry Products Were Made
Creator:	James Addams
Date(s):	winter 1997
Medium:	print
Fandom:	Star Wars
Topic:
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Sarlaac Pit: The Reason Sorry Products Were Made is an essay by James Addams in Blue Harvest #11. Addams was an avid collector of commercial Star Wars merchandise, an enthusiastic gamer, and editor of "Blue Harvest."

Addams wrote a regular column for his zine called "Sarlaac Pit." In that column, he ruthlessly and humorously reviewed for-profit Star Wars merchandise.

In the eleventh issue, Addams subtitled the column "The Reason Sorry Products Were Made" and took on The Official Star Wars Fan Club and its publication Star Wars Insider. He called the fan club the "biggest rip-off in all of Star Wars fandom."

Excerpts

It has been pointed out that half of their Star Wars Insider magazine is made up of a catalog. This catalog mostly features items that are readily available in collector's shops and bookstores everywhere, but the OSWFC feels the need to charge more for these items than your friendly neighborhood retailer. The Fan Club currently has over 100,000 members. This is probably ten times the number of people who frequent your average comic book store or collectables shop. They can almost certainly stock more inventory than said comic book store or independently owned bookstore, both of which ore usually able to keep their prices at or below suggested retail price. In addition, the OSWFC does not have nearly the same overhead as a retail store. So why the high prices?

Enough about their catalog. Let's move on to their "membership kit". I have been a member of this "club" on and off for some 18 years, since their glory days distributing the 12-page "Bantha Tracks" magazine. Remember that? It was actually 1 big sheet, with 6 pages printed on each side, and then it was folded over and over like a map. I think they eventually went to an 16-page format. It was kind of cool.

Back then, you got a membership card, a pile of 8x10 glossy photos, your BT subscription, and a bunch of other cool stuff that I can't recall off the top of my skull right now. When it was time to renew, you got a huge poster with McQuarrie art printed on heavy paper stock, sent in a sturdy cardboard tube. At least, that's what they sent on one year in particular. They changed it to a new and cool assortment of goodies every year. As the new films came out, they sent out new 6-packs of the glossy photos.

These days you get a fuzzy, poor
 quality photo of the droids' behinds (prob
ably run off on a color photocopier... and
 couldn't they find a better picture to send
us than C-3PO's butt?), a membership
 card (it didn't get me into any of this
 summers's cons for free, nor did it get me
 out of a speeding ticket...), and a form
 letter, supposedly from Lucas, but which 
was probably written by his secretary.
 This all comes in a manila envelope that is usually mangled before it gets to you. Then, you might get some issues of the aforementioned magalog, Star Wars Insider. I say 'might' because I have only received an average of one out of three issues published in the past four years or so. I've called their toll-free number, only to sit on hold for a half hour, and then speak to a lifeless automaton with less personality than a dead Jawa, who assures me that while she cannot provide the back issues I've missed, I will get an extension on my subscription. This is all well and good, except for the fact that the issues that would theoretically comprise said extension will never show up in my mailbox anyway. Then I get a notice that my subscription is about to run out, and I should send them a check so as not to miss all of the excitement they have planned for us club members in the coming year. Oh, yeah, and the price is going up from $9.95 to $12.95. err... excuse me?

The renewal kit, at the original time of this writing, consisted of a repeat of the original membership kit! The exact something! I have three of each right now (I recently found out that they supposedly changed the kit, but I sure as heck didn't get anything different).

And why do they call it a "club" anyway? Do they have any sort of service that lets their "members" interact in any capacity what so ever? Do they have meetings? Elect officers? Collect dues? Organize activities? Well, the answers to these questions are: Who knows, no, no, no, hell yes they do, and no way. This "Fan Club" is a way to sell you a magazine subscription that you may or may not actually receive, and they do it by offering a flimsy "membership kit" and then lure you in further with their occasional "exclusive offers" for merchandise. Don't give me a line about how these problems are temporary because their membership is expanding so rapidly, because these problems have been ongoing for years.

If it wasn't for that exclusive Bith cantina band member action figure offer, I'd quit the club right now and buy their magalog at my local comic shop at a 15% discount. But, as good marketing dictates, they have roped me in, and given me reason to stay against my better judgement. But what can I do? I want a Figrin D'an action figure (for $9.00!!!).

Follow Up Comments

In Blue Harvest #12, James Addams adds:

Boy, did I ever let them have it in BH11! Mere days after that issue went to press, I finally got a new membership kit! After three years of the same old poorly photocopied pic of R2-D2 and C-3PO I got some postcards, a sticker, and the fabled apology letter. Hmmm. Also, in ranting about the catalog portion of their magazine Star Wars Insider, I neglected the mag itself. All in all, it is just about the best source for new SW info you can get. Except for Blue Harvest, of course! And the Internet SW news groups. Okay, so it's third. But that's still pretty good! Anthony Daniels writes a really funny (if exceptionally long-winded] column about... er, something or other, and Steve Sansweet is always on hand to provide sensible answers and solid information on the world of SW collectibles. They have better access to cool celebs to interview than we do, and the/re in color. Okay, the price did go up, and I cannot stress how bad their customer support is, but at least they're making an effort. Oh, and their mag is now edited by John Bradley Snyder, former editor of the sadly lamented Report from the Star Wars Generation. In only three issues of that 'zine, he set a standard for all SW fanzines that BH can only hope to live up to.