From the Aftermath of Dreams

Fanfiction
Title:	From the Aftermath of Dreams
Author(s):	Vivian Gates
Date(s):	1987
Length:
Genre(s):	slash
Fandom(s):	Star Trek: TOS
Relationship(s):	Kirk/Spock
External Links:
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From the Aftermath of Dreams is a Kirk/Spock story by Vivian Gates.

It was published in the print zine KSX #1.

Summary

"After Kirk finds out that he had sex with a man while split by the transporter, he discovers that Spock is homosexual and decides to find out if they could be lovers by having another encounter with a man where he would be the submissive partner."

Reactions and Reviews

1987

"From the Aftermath of Dreams" is a Vivian Gates tale where Kirk, Spock, and other members of the landing party are temporarily stranded on a planet. A security guard tells Kirk that he was raped by Kirk's wolf side when the captain was split in two by the transporter. This revelation leaves Kirk disturbed and introspective about his sexuality, and when he and Spock bed down alone in a separate tent, he uses Spock as his sounding board. Spock, in turn, makes a startling revelation, and the two return to the ship with their friendship damaged. By the end all is set right again. Though I don't agree with the premise, I thought this story very well written, and particularly enjoyed the casual conversation between Kirk and Spock before it became too serious.

"From the Aftermath of Dreams" by Vivian Gates reminds me of her story "The Air is the Air." Here, too, Kirk finds it difficult to cope with a newly discovered tendency to gayness in himself, and in Spock. It's fresh and crisply written, but I find a Spock who is totally gay and visits brothels more than a little bit out of character.

1989

The interesting thing about this story was Kirk's coping with having been rapist, but then it becomes a fairly predictable first time scenario.

1990

The author allowed the reader to step into Kirk's mindset, as he struggled with his feelings of self identity. Their late night talk on sexual preferences, secret admissions, and unacknowledged feelings were very good. The dialogue was honest and direct, and Kirk's decisiveness after Spock's denial of him was very much in character. However, his solution of paying a male prostitute for first hand experience seemed somewhat out of place in what was a thoughtful and revealing story; and, of course, Kirk regretted the experience. Even so, it did serve to get him Spock's full attention, and I enjoyed it very much for that reason.

1993

Okay, I confess, I'm a confirmed Vivian Gates fan. So I was hardly surprised that I loved this story, which stands out in a thoroughly excellent zine. The author explores ideas I love to consider: Spock a homosexual, afraid to tell Kirk; Kirk confronted by an incident which threatens his seemingly secure, heterosexual self-image.

Kirk, Spock, and several others have crash-landed in a shuttle on an uninhabited planet. They are making camp, waiting for rescue, when Walters, a young crewman who is working beside Kirk at a distance from the others, confesses that his male lover is jealous of his being near Kirk. As Walters' lover knows, when Kirk was split into the wolf and the lamb, the wolf raped Walters (or would have: actually, Walters consented on the spot). Kirk has had unexplained dreams that confirm the truth of this statement, and he now has to accept that he once fucked a man. He cant get over it.

Later, alone with Spock in a pup tent, Kirk tells Spock about it, using him as a sounding board as he normally uses McCoy. ("Somehow, he knew that throwing his thoughts against the polished logic of Spock's mind was what he needed right now.") Eventually. Spock confesses that he is himself homosexual, and the conversation gets more intimate and more difficult as Kirk's feelings for Spock start surfacing.

Eventually, out of what he thinks is mere lust and sexual curiosity, Kirk asks Spock to have sex with him. and that's when the trouble begins. Spock is not willing to fool around with Kirk . . . he's madly in love with him. but he operates by logic. Their minds have been together, therefore sex between them might cause a bond to form. And that's unacceptable: "Captain, it is not worth the risk. You would make a very poor life mate."

The conversation degenerates to the point that the two friends are not speaking, and Kirk is miserable, believing he has thrown away Spock's friendship for mere curiosity and lust. And he still doesnt know what to think of his sexual identity or why he wants to have sex with Spock.

Kirk's solution to his dilemma is to find a whorehouse on his next leave, and find a guy to fuck him. During that experience, he realizes he does love Spock; now he has to convince Spock of that fact. He does so with a fine logical argument and... sex, of course.

A wonderful, realistic story, a Kirk who's characteristically ruthless in getting what he wants; a vulnerable, yet very logical Spock. I find the idea of a homosexual Spock believable: Spock's a mystery, and an alien, and there are potentially lots of things we still don't know about him. The changes in Kirk are so skillfully handled that I never found myself questioning whether they were in character. Kirk is strong, an aggressor, one who acts to brings about what he wants rather than waiting (or whining) for it.

This author is a master of K&S dialogue. Their conversations are fraught with tension, and even though the story is from Kirk's perspective, I suffered along with poor Spock as Kirk spoke cryptically about the incident with Walters.

1995

Reminded me of "LESSON" and "SECOND LESSON" by Vivian Gates published in T'hy'la 4 and 6. In essence a blending of those two stories but this time centered around Kirk. Natural progression from a half remembered experience of a homosexual act to the decision to fully consciously submit himself to someone.

1997

FROM THE AFTERMATH OF DREAMS by Vivian Gates is another of her signature stories with the premise of Spock as homosexual. You don't need to agree with that to enjoy her terrific stories and this one is really terrific.

In the beginning a young ensign, Walters, approaches Kirk with the information that Kirk, when he was the wolf, had had sex with him and he, Walters, had liked it and had finally acknowledged his own homosexuality. This unremembered revelation sets in motion an inner exploration for Kirk about his own sexuality and of course, his feelings for Spock. I loved all the thoughts Kirk has about what sex must be like with a man and how it would be with Spock. Later, while sharing a tent, they have a wonderful conversation about the incident and Kirk tells of his concern that he raped the man and Spock tells of his own homosexuality.

Kirk asks Spock what sex with a man is like ("Cock up the ass.") Spock's reply, when it came, was very low, very soft. "Pain can be minimized. The pleasure can not be described."

Spock said it was so. The barest hint of remembered pleasure varnished the words and the effect on the Human stunned Jim Kirk. His body went instantly hot, his cock stiff, and as desire scorched him he abandoned his good sense and begged, "Show me!"

"Never," Spock said immediately, his voice cold in the darkness.

"Why not?" Kirk whispered, frustrated.

"Not you," Spock said. "Your mind has accepted mine in melds. Therefore my body can not be with yours."

"Why?" Kirk asked, his voice louder, insistent.

"Once with you could mean forever with you. I might not be able to touch you with my body alone. It is difficult for me to resist reaching out with my mind when am...physically coupled. If I were to do so, there is a possibility that I would want you again. Perhaps only you." Spock trembled.

Kirk felt it through the fabric. The wind echoed it, catching the tent with a harder gust of wind. Kirk's body responded with a shiver, too. In a thick voice he accused, "You want me."

I loved it when finally Spock yells "Shut up!" to Kirk. There's something so powerful in such a simple direct outburst from Spock. Kirk is shocked and lies in the darkness and thinks.

I did want him to fuck me, Kirk thought. I wanted it, both.... He fumbled for the sleeve of the robe under his cheek and roughly rubbed at his dripping nose, reluctant to sniff, to make any sound to break the solid silence inside the tent. You wanted it, he told himself. Just like a fucking fag. How could you want something it made you ill to even think about?

Normally, I would be unwilling to accept Kirk crying, but this is done so well that I readily accepted it. I love his self-accusations—he's torn by his inner conflicts.

When they're back on the ship, Spock avoids Kirk. But now we have the true starship captain that Kirk is— he determines to solve the problem. He goes planetside to a whorehouse. I love what he says when he arrives (it's so Kirk): "I want to get to get fucked."

Then a wonderful surprise as Kirk is leaving, Spock walks in. The encounter culminates in their shared expression of feelings and they go to a room and make fabulous love. I liked Spock's admission that he usually has three men at a time!

Adorable tag ending of a toast to "brown-haired men".

2007

Kirk and some of his crew are forced to land their shuttle. While setting up base camps, Kirk is approached by a crewman, Kenneth Walters, with a request. He wishes to be quartered with his lover, one of the security men. It seems his lover is jealous of any attention Kirk pays Walters. While split into two beings by the transporter, Kirk had attacked the man and forced him to have sex. The captain had not fully remembered the incident, just the haziest recollection something sexual had occurred.

Kirk finds it difficult to come to grips with this revelation. Later that night, as he and Spock talk, Kirk brings up the conversation again. Spock confesses that he is homosexual as well. Kirk, intensely curious, asks his friend what it is like to have sex with a man. He finds that Spock though strongly attracted to him, considers Kirk a poor choice for a life mate. “‘Because you are promiscuous and heterosexual. Because your career and your ship are important to you, and might be at risk if you chose this course.’ He faltered, as if reluctant to speak, but went on, ‘And you do not love me – except as a friend.’” Ever the adventurer, Kirk wonders what having sex with Spock would be like. When he attempts to find out, Spock, goaded beyond his ability to control turns on him in anger.

With his relationship with Spock in shambles, Kirk resolves to find out if he, in fact, could have a satisfying homosexual relationship. At their next leave, Kirk walks into a whorehouse and asks to be fucked. He discovers what he needs to know about both giving and receiving love. As he leaves the establishment he meets Spock going in.

Vivian doesn’t write K/S any longer. I miss reading her unique take on Kirk and Spock’s relationship.

2011

From the Aftermath of Dreams by Vivian Gates finds Kirk and Spock marooned on an inhospitable planet along with several scientists and other crewmembers including a young man who, it turns out, Kirk‘s baser self ―attacked‖ sexually during ―The Enemy Within‖. Walters, the young man in question, discovers through Kirk‘s advances to him, that he is gay and is currently in a relationship with another crewman who is also stranded with them. In the depths of night, Kirk and Spock discuss many things, including their view of homosexuality, which leads to some interesting, tense, heart-wrenching misunderstandings between Kirk and Spock. Vivian employs great care in the telling of this masterful story.