Don't Watch It Alone: My Wild Ride Through the X-Files Fandom
Jump to navigation
Jump to search
| Meta | |
|---|---|
| Title: | Don't Watch It Alone: My Wild Ride Through the X-Files Fandom |
| Creator: | littlegreen42 |
| Date(s): | April 10, 2010 |
| Medium: | online |
| Fandom: | The X-Files |
| Topic: | fandom, X-Files |
| External Links: | part one, Archived version part two, Archived version |
| Click here for related articles on Fanlore. | |
Don't Watch It Alone: My Wild Ride Through the X-Files Fandom is an essay by littlegreen42.
This essay is in two parts and describes one fan's journey as a fan.
Excerpts
My first glimpse into the mysterious world of X-Files Internet Fandom occurred in 1994 or 95 when I was 12 or 13; I was reading an article in TV Guide about this phenomenon, in which I encountered, for the first time, the word "x-phile." I can't remember if anything was said about fanfic (did they have XF fic back then?). What I do vaguely recall is that I got the impression that These People were unfathomably weird, and yet... I was intrigued. It definitely left an impression on me. After all, I've been able to remember reading it all these years later...In some strange way, I was a fan before I was a fan. Because I was too scared to watch it, I'd merely read the summaries of the week's episode in TV Guide and make up my own version in my head. To me, "2Shy" was about a guy who could transform himself into digital information and travel the Internet, emerging spectacularly to kill his unwitting victims on the other side of the screen. Imagine my dismay when I actually saw the episode many years later.
The X-Files clearly had a great significance to me, even then. Local radio station Z 95.3 had played Bree Sharp's infamous song, "David Duchovny (Why Won't You Love Me?)" a few rare times (for at least three nights, it was the champion in a nightly battle between new songs). It was that one line that got me: "Girl, you know it's just a show..." In my mind, I shouted, feeling great indignation, "It's not just a show! It's a way of life!" Where did this come from? What exactly did I mean by it? I wasn't watching The X-Files regularly, and on-line fandom remained an impenetrable mystery to me. Yet this show had some special significance to me that I hardly understood.
Well, I'd already known about fan fic. I used to spend hours reading Daria fic in high school (on fanfiction.net, of all places). But that had only been an amusing diversion. It was nothing like what I encountered when I stumbled upon The Gossamer Project. At first, I had a bizarre fic preference: they had to be in screenplay format. I mean, duh, it's a TV show, right? I was confused by all these fics written in prose, but they seemed to make up the majority of what was published. Though reluctant at first, I started reading them. Before long, I found that I wouldn't even touch a fic in screenplay format.
The show was just the beginning but this... this was something more. I got inside the minds of Mulder and Scully, got to know them better than the show ever allowed us too. And though every fan has his or her own unique take on what makes these characters who they are, reading about all of these different Mulders and Scullys gave me a richer conception of who I thought they were. I still read fan fic now, but I'll never recapture that feeling I had when I encountered it for the first time, the way it felt like the world was opening up, becoming bigger somehow. Does that sound corny? I hope not. I think you all know what I'm talking about!
I joined a few forums, such as The X-Files Ultimate Forums (XFU). Occasionally, I posted something. In truth, I've never been much of a joiner, I'm too much of an introvert (In fact, I think introversion is perfectly conducive towards becoming an X-Files fan: after all, Mulder and Scully seem to inhabit a planet with a total population of 2!). So I would hang back and observe, most of the time. I'd read the posts at xfiles and contemplate joining Livejournal, but I never got around to it, blaming it on my inability to think up a good name. I wanted to get involved, but the truth was I seemed somehow less talkative on the Internet than I was in real life (and I'm not very talkative in real life). I'd read about fan pilgrimages to Vancouver and think, "I wish I could be part of that!" Sure, I lived not too far from Vancouver myself and had all the filming locations for Season 1-5 in my own backyard. But it's no fun going by yourself or with people who don't give a crap about The X-Files and can't understand why you're grinning so stupidly at a statue of an angel lifting a soldier up to heaven. Scully's angel! I would scream in my brain, but never out loud. I didn't want people to think I was weird.
Reactions
Thank you! And that doesn't sound corny at all, honestly. Between my experiences with fellow fans of XF (both online and in person) and at places like/with people from shamone_mj, I've really grown to know and appreciate how truly communal fandom is, and what a difference it can make in life. XF fandom helped redirect my focus in life to something I love (even if it's horribly competitive and my odds of succeeding at it are not good) while I'm still young. It's helped me realize that even an introvert like me who rarely socializes outside work has great friends, and that they're everywhere. What could I possibly want to trade for that?[1]
this is great. i wish everyone would post their fan history so that it would be available - so that we could all get to know each other that way. i envy you and all those others like you who watch or even kept track of this show in it's early years. i was too young at the time (barely six when it started), but i never would have been interested in it until i was much older anyway. i kind of envy all of those very sober little preteens who saw something to love in TXF. i wasn't exactly an airhead during my teen years, but i never would have understood the attraction of two "grown ups" in "boring suits" chasing after "weird stuff" and never finding anything they could, like, keep.[2]
You don't even really have to agree with the character interpretations you're reading to get something out of them (as long as they're at least somewhat well-written, anyway). I think that might be the most enriching aspect of fandom; the communal experience that allows you glimpses into others' versions of canon that may not line up with yours at all, but are interesting nonetheless.[3]