Books to make my flist's heads explode: John Ringo
|Title:||books to make my flist's head explode: John Ringo|
|Creator:||David Hines aka hradzka|
|Date(s):||March 22, 2008|
|Fandom:||Paladin of Shadows|
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It's also called, affectionately, "Oh John Ringo No!". This is the legendary book review by David Hines of the series Paladin of Shadows by John Ringo that started a catchphrase and changed how we think of old ladies collecting cats forever. It's also utterly hysterical.
Fandom being literate—our trade is our word—we are huge fans of not only our entertainment, but sharing it with others by whatever means possible. Sometimes it's very good. Sometimes, it's just to share the pain. In 2008, David Hines set out to review the entirety of John Ringo's epic saga Paladin of Shadows, possibly in revenge:
"Lately, some folks on my f-list have been looking at Lord King Bad profic. Betty gave us LEOPARD LORD, and Cereta reviewed THE SHEIK, and burger_eater pointed me to Smart Bitches, Trashy Books's take on Shayla Black's DECADENT. These books, it should be admitted, are deeply awful, and as portrayals of their authors' ids, they're more than a little alarming. You don't want to look, but you can't look away. The awfulness becomes sublime.
So why am I commenting about this? Well, because I feel a little like Richard Dreyfuss in JAWS, during the scar scene: "I got that beat. I got that beat."
Permit me to introduce John Ringo." 
In seven thousand, eight hundred and twelve words (MSWord), David Hine introduced us to Mike Harmon, an ex-Navy Seal Not-Rapist who will, over the course of four books, found his own city state. Sort of. Summarization cannot do justice to the review:
In this case, he rents several girls from the local brothel and moves them in with him, where he puts them on an increased salary and instructs them to help out around the place as well as service him and the trainers he imports. Of course, it'd be too much trouble for the trainers to learn the whores' actual names. So Mike renames them: Flopsy, Mopsy, Cottontail, and Bambi. (If you want to take a moment to bang your head against the table, go ahead; I understand.) The women on the training staff, Mike notes, will have to take care of their own needs. The Keldara are prickly about sexual matters. For this reason, Mike's female servants are older Keldara women. Keeps him from getting all worked up and into trouble, y'see -- look, I'm sorry; I know that table isn't getting any softer, but if you keep up the blunt force trauma, eventually brain damage will set in and you'll *forget.*
From livejournal, the review took off like a rocket through the net.
- David Hines, books to make my flist's head explode: John Ringo, March 22, 2008