The Closet Beast... and Beyond
| Zine | |
|---|---|
| Title: | The Closet Beast... and Beyond |
| Publisher: | |
| Editor: | |
| Author(s): | Lorraine Parrish, Rita Terrell |
| Cover Artist(s): | |
| Illustrator(s): | Rita Terrell |
| Date(s): | November 1990, second printing was June 1991 |
| Medium: | |
| Size: | |
| Genre: | gen |
| Fandom: | Beauty and the Beast (TV) |
| Language: | English |
| External Links: | |
| Click here for related articles on Fanlore. | |
The Closet Beast... and Beyond is a gen 76-page satiric Beauty and the Beast (TV) novel.
It is very much a satire as well as RPF, and very, very meta-y. The fiction, in the form of letters, cartoons, and a graphic comic section, includes the actors on the show, other TPTB such as Linda Hamilton and Ron Perlman, as well as Perlmans's wife, Opal, the author's husband, and others.
The art is by Rita Terrell and Sue Glasgow.
It was edited by Sue Glasgow.
- Letter One is by Sue Glasgow (by Vincent Wells)
- Letter Two is by Lorraine Parrish (by Vincent Wells)
- Letter Three by Lorraine Parrish (by Vincent Wells)
- Closet Beast by Rita Terrell (graphic story)
- Letter Four by Lorraine Parrish (by Vincent Wells, about becoming a member of the band, "Alleycat and the Prowlers" with the other actors in the show)
- Filming Diary by Lorraine Parrish (by Vincent Wells, a description of the filming of the Beauty and the Beast movie)
Editor's Notes
By Lorraine Parrish, from the zine:
I'd like to state that no infringement upon the rights of Arsenio Hall, Paramont Pictures or the Arsenio Hall Communications. Ltd., Madonna, "The Blonde Ambition" or her production corporation, or Wendy Pini's Klfquest trademark are intended in this amateur publication.
"The Closet Beast" started out as a comic note between three "Beauty and the Beast" fans and has grown into this zine.
It is my hope that you enjoy reading it as much as we enjoyed sharing it between ourselves in the beginning.
This comic parody is not meant to indicate that we think of Vincent or Catherine as comic figures, for our love for them is as real as yours. We just would like to add a little laughter into the lives of the "Beauty and the Beast" fans while we anxiously await the much talked about movie.
Some Excerpts
Koslow sold the show. And for two years, we established a very satisfactory schedule. I slept in a comfortable trailer right off the set. Perlman would show up at the studio early every morning. He and a makeup lady named Margaret Beserra would visit a while in the front room of the trailer until I felt like waking up. Margaret would send out for breakfast. and Perlman and I. would read the paper, watch the morning show, and play a couple of hands of cards until about four hours from the time he arrived. (My only complaint was the cigar smoke...but Koslow assured me. Perlman was the only one he could find with those eyes.) Finally around nine o'clock Perlman would vanish into the back of the trailer with the TV and a stack of magazines, and Margaret would touch up my face with a dash of powder and pull a wig on my bead. Then I would climb out of the trailer and bunt up Linda, that very attractive leading lady.
The job was easy. I had very few lines. Linda did most of the talking. And a stunt man filled in for the physical parts. Occasionally I recited a little poetry, but that had always been a hobby of mine anyway.
[...]
Then in January the new head of CBS entertainment cancelled us again. It was all right for Perlman. He got to go home to Opal and polish up his golf, while collecting 1QY checks. Koslow got a job with ABC. Our staff found new jobs.
The only ones who were truly unhappy were a few hundred thousand romantic women and me. What was I to do? I could hardly come out of hiding with Perlman standing out there on the golf course every day.
Finally, in desperation I made contact with this female artist. She offered me free room and board, and privacy, in exchange for a little modeling in her art studio. It seemed like a good idea...temporarily, until I could convince the bead of Republic Studios to line up some new production for the show.
However, she never told me my "room" was to be a closet and my "board" would be little more than an occasional Pepsi. She is married, and she won't even let me come out to watch TV while her husband is home.The worst part is, she actually brags about having me in there, stuck with nothing but a stack of books, a candle, and a Pepsi.
So, you understand my dilemma. I don't know how long I can go on like this. You see, this artist got this idea for a calendar. The first calendar was bad enough, but the second one, I mean, a man has his pride. Right?
Sample Interior
Reactions and Reviews
1991
I can't help it — I love competition. Especially when it's good. For a while it looked as though "B&B Lite," "Beauty and the Yeast," and "The Absurd Season" were going to be the gist of nonsensical approaches to B&TB. But now we have "Closet Beast . . . and Beyond."
In a genre fraught with sighs, sobs, poignant yearnings and heart-wrenches of one sort or another, a little levity — as my customers effusively claim — is welcome in deed. And so let's welcome this little zine — which I gulped down in one delicious session of laughing myself even sillier than I already am.
"Closet Beast . , . and Beyond" is premised upon the idea that Vincent is real and Ron Perlman is his front man. I suppose I should judiciously and predictably follow that statement with something like "a very cute idea" or "one of the most enjoyable bits of fannish whimsy I've yet encountered" -- right? But actually, I'm wondering what Republic will do when they find out that we all know the Big Secret. Or what Rita Terrell will do when half a million hysterical women converge upon her house (where, by the way, the "real" Vincent is living, forced to pose for hours on end while she makes him into calendar art). The zine is a collection of letters, diaries and other documents which gradually expose the real story, the real Vincent (a very different critter from the one portrayed on TV), and the real Rita Terrell. Now, some of us have met Rita and we all think she's a real sweet kid, right? Alas, she has been on her company manners. And as for Vincent, well, brace yourselves. He is rather naughty, inclined to be manipulative, and very given to feeling sorry for himself (albeit not without cause, I must say.
I recommend this digest-sized funzine to anyone who enjoys an occasional break from the sighs, sobs, yearnings and heart wrenches, and especially to fans of Rita Terrell's immortal calendar art. [1]
1997
Very funny series of indignant, sly letters by Vincent, impersonated for TV purposes by Ron Perlman but really in residence in Rita Terrell's closet, subsisting on Pepsi's and posing for Beastcake Calendars. Also an account of reciprocal pranks between Vincent and nearly everybody else (Terrell, Perlman, Hamilton, et al.) during series filming. Chuckles, grins, some outright laughs. [2]
References
- ^ from Tunneltalk v.1 n.12 (February 1991)
- ^ from Helpers' Network Quality Fanzine Review -- 1997