Semantic noodling...the word "gift" makes people -- or rather specifically me -- uncomfortable
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|---|---|
| Title: | Semantic noodling...the word "gift" makes people -- or rather specifically me -- uncomfortable |
| Creator: | Seema |
| Date(s): | November 13, 2003 |
| Medium: | journal post |
| Fandom: | |
| Topic: | |
| External Links: | "Semantic noodling...the word "gift" makes people -- or rather specifically me -- uncomfortable". Archived from the original on 2018-10-03. |
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Semantic noodling...the word "gift" makes people -- or rather specifically me -- uncomfortable is a 2003 essay by Seema.
The author links to Big in Japan and The Gift, two entries (scroll down). Both of those essays are responses to a recent discussion on Fandom_Wank inspired by comments by Te, and subsequently the essay by Alara Rogers called Women in packs.
For additional context, see Timeline of Concrit & Feedback Meta.
From the Essay
I never think of 'gifting' my fic to anyone - more of a 'foisting' action. I put it out there and perhaps, someone will take pity on me and actually read it. And if they are feeling particularly warm and friendly towards me, maybe they will FB. But more on that later.
The reason I can't think of my fic as a gift - the one I can articulate here safely - is that I think fic writing is selfish. There. I said it. I'm selfish. I write fic because I want to see something happen and I can't get anyone else to write for me and TPTB won't make it happen. So I satisfy my own urge to write and voila, fic.
When I post, it's a mass posting. I post to mailing lists and to the NG and to my website. There's very little thought given to who my audience is, whether they will appreciate the fic, or whether it's something they'd want. See, here, it's all about me. I'm not even thinking about the reader. If I was truly 'gifting' fic, I'd be thinking about the reader and what they want and what would make them happy. And I'm not.
The only time I can really think of my fic as a gift is when I'm writing it for someone else, if someone else commissioned a fic and then I'm obliging them. In that case, I have someone definitely in mind, I know what they want - they've made it clear to me. I know what will make them happy and so I do my best to give them what they want.
I'm not sure if this clears it up, but I'm still thinking on it. I think my feelings re my fic reflect my actions in terms of FB and how I deal with it. I consider FB to be the gift and every time I get FB, it's like, "Wow, whoa!" And I do the dance of getting FB and sometimes, I get this goofy big smile on my face - especially when I hear from someone I didn't know before. And that same selfishness that propels me to write fic in the first place is what moves me to respond to the people who write FB.
I want them to know just how happy they made me - I can easily say that the best piece of FB ever came on a pretty rotten day and made me feel all shiny and happy inside. I want them to know that I appreciate their reading and their FB (in the hopes that they will see me as a real person and that they will consider writing to me again). I want the reader to feel a connection with me. Also, I've met some of my closest online friends through FB - so I'm also looking to make connections with my readers, get their thoughts (perhaps their beta expertise). So once again, I'm so not thinking of the reader - I'm thinking about moi, all about moi!
That's not to say I don't appreciate FB. I do. Very much. I save every piece. I occasionally reread them when I'm feeling down. I'm genuinely thrilled - after many, many years in fandom - when I get FB. I'm constantly amazed that people are actually taking the time read my fic and more importantly take the time to respond in some way. I don't think - I hope - that the thrill never wears off.
Fan Comments
[saragoose]:I read both of Jemima's entries this morning and was thinking the same thing. As a writer, the fic's all about having something happen or getting a story out of my head. Feedback, for me, is a gift. Much dancing and giddy smiling.
Also, when thinking gift, I think a lot about whether the person receiving it will appreciate it. I can't do that with writing. Well, I can, just the writing doesn't happen so much.
Then, however, my thoughts veered off into la-la land, where I thought of an ideal (?) fandom society where, instead of giving feedback, we give more fic and it becomes this lovely fic-sharing happy thing. Hey, what can I say? It was a long bus ride.
[rj anderson]: Seema, you said absolutely everything that was in my head and which I didn't have time or brainpower to express. I feel exactly the same way you do about writing and about FB, and about the relationship I want to have with my readers. Thank you, thank you, thank you for this post.
[original poster]: I second that Thanks, RJ. For me, responding to FB and writing fic is really about finding other people online and finding them fascinating and make that valuable connection. For that reason, the interactions have got match up. Or so I've always thought.
[wemblee]:What she said.
The reason I can't think of my fic as a gift - the one I can articulate here safely - is that I think fic writing is selfish. There. I said it. I'm selfish. I write fic because I want to see something happen and I can't get anyone else to write for me and TPTB won't make it happen. So I satisfy my own urge to write and voila, fic.
Me, too. I'm also a "foist-er," not a "giver." For me, feedback's the gift -- I save them. Positive feedback strokes my large-yet-fragile ego and lets me know that I've made someone happy. I think thinking of one's fiction as a gift takes a kind of self-confidence that I don't yet have.
And yeah, for some writers, their fiction *is* a gift -- they're good writers that are known widely for telling good stories, and they're confident enough in their own abilities to use the word "gift."
Which isn't to say that people that *don't* use the word "gift" *aren't* confident, but it's one of the reasons *I* don't use it -- as for the other reasons, Seema basically said them. And I love meeting people through feedback -- I've met close friends and dear writing partners that way.