Naked Quidditch Match

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Title: Naked Quidditch Match
Author(s): Anya McLerie
Date(s): November 2001[1] - February 2003[2]
Length: ~20,000 words; 10 chapters
Genre: humour/parody
Fandom: Harry Potter
External Links: at
at NoDignity (missing Chapter 10)
at (defunct)

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Naked Quidditch Match is an early Harry Potter humour story by Anya ("with a teeny bit by Karen").[1]

Naked Quidditch Match has been credited with the invention of "Mmail", the wizarding world's version of e-mail, which has inspired countless other fics, such as Jeconais's This Means War!

It has been translated into many languages, such as french.


The story was originally hosted at, but the site went offline sometime in 2005 or 2006. At that time, the only other place the story was (officially) hosted was at, which did not host the final chapter (It instead linked to daisygrrl). This made it quite common for fans to request and share the chapter among themselves.[3] The story had also been archived at Gryffindor Tower, which closed in 2003.[2]

In 2007, the story was posted at under the name "The Original Naked Quidditch Match". This version contains minor "corrections and changes" such as a conversion to British units of measurement.[4] Anya writes:

There have been several attempts by fans to post this story on the internet. When I originally wrote this fic, it was a private story to be shared with a few friends, and I never intended it to go out on the 'net. However, it was well loved by my friends, and much like gossip spread like wildfire. I agreed with two of my friends for a private posting on their website for re-reading. Years later, in order to keep from plagiarsm of my work, I'm posting it here with the rest of my fanfics. I hope it still is very enjoyable now with the last book in all reader's hands, and that you can find a smile or laugh in it.

[...] However, to anyone who questions my original ownership, I can prove it beyond a doubt. I can provide the original word documents - and the editor marks to prove my ownership of this story. Heck, I even have the original graphics that were made up for it.

Reviews & Awards

Naked Quidditch Match has won a Multifaceted Award (Round Three, Humour)[5] and an Hourglass Award (2008, Admins’ Choice — Comedy).[6] Reviews include:

"Why You Should Care: This is gloriously funny. One of those comedic gems that only gets funnier as you keep reading. The characters start out and almost remain entirely in character and yet somehow manage to be completely un-canon hilarious at the same time. This, my friends, is all about the situational comedy and what it can do to perfectly normal people. It’s written almost entirely in e-mail like correspondence between the characters, and all the regulars (and some of the not-so-regulars) make appearances. Oh goodness, this is funny.
Why You Might Not Care: There is absolutely no reason for you not to care, it’s that funny."[7]
"Come on, who hasn’t read this?
You haven’t? Well, what are you waiting for?
Honestly, this is one of the most popular fics in the fandom—for a reason. It’s the one that introduced me to the genre of crackfic—which seems to mean “a story so wackily hysterical that it’s addictive.” And whoo-boy is NQM funny
The action is launched by a magically binding game of Truth or Dare lost by the Weasley twins—the dare being that not just them but the entire Gryffindor Quidditch team will play the next match against Slytherin in the buff.
Let’s just say that things get out of hand from there…
Most of the narrative takes place in the form of MMails—think emails crossed with owls. Just about every major canon character gets pulled into the action (not all—this was written pre-OotP, but even a Luna-phile like me can’t complain) as bets are made and business opportunities exploited—Ron’s sister turning out to be a particularly shrewd entrepreneur. (There are a number of romantic pairings that show up here; Harry/Ginny is the main one, though it’s definitely a minor—though entertaining—part of the piece. It’s funny in several ways that the Ginny in these whacked-out pages is clearly recognizable as the girl who came to the fore in OotP and HBP.)
In spite of the name, it’s rated PG-13 for a bit of language and mild sexual innuendo. Mostly, it’s good, clean (or clean-ish) fun.
Oh, and have I mentioned that it’s race-to-the-loo, wipe-your-screen funny?
I promise, you’ll never look at Voldy the same way again[8]


  1. ^ a b Naked Quidditch Match at Archived 09 March 2004 by the Wayback Machine. (Accessed 18 May 2012.)
  2. ^ a b Gryffindor Tower. Anya. Archived 09 February 2003. (Accessed 18 May 2012.)
  3. ^ For example, see the Naked Quidditch Match thread at Fiction Alley's "Help! I'm looking for..." forum.
  4. ^ The Original Naked Quidditch Match at (Accessed 18 May 2012.)
  5. ^ Multifaceted Awards at hp_multifaceted on LiveJournal. Round Three Winners. 02 August 2005. (Accessed 18 May 2012.)
  6. ^ Hourglass Awards at The Unknowable Room. HGA 2008 Winners. (Accessed 18 May 2012.)
  7. ^ Coffee and Chocolate. Naked Quidditch Match. 18 June 2007. (Accessed 18 May 2012.)
  8. ^ Know it Alls. “The Naked Quidditch Match” by Anya. 07 February 2007. (Accessed 18 May 2012.)