A Moment's Surrender

K/S Fanfiction
Title:	A Moment's Surrender
Author(s):	Andi LeNor
Date(s):	1993
Length:
Genre:	slash
Fandom:	Star Trek: The Original Series
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A Moment's Surrender is a K/S story by Andi LeNor.

It was first published in the print zine Charisma #17.

Summary

"Kirk realizes the depth of his feeling for Spock after their encounter with Sargon, but Spock only realizes his after Parmen forces them to make love and then makes Spock rape Kirk."

Reactions and Reviews

1993

Let me start this review by saying I have been reading and collecting K/S zines for fifteen years. In that time, I have had the privilege and misfortune of reading the best and the worst that K/S has had to offer. And it seems, in recent years. I have experienced more worst than best. I have lost count of how many stories I have read in recent zines where I have scratched my head and said about the authors' Kirk and Spock: Who are these people? Granted, K/S is a fantasy offshoot of Star Trek, but when I read a K/S story, I picture the characters in my mind saying and doing what I'm reading, and lately, the recent K/S stories I've read feature a Kirk and Spock who are complete strangers to the characters portrayed by Shatner and Nimoy. I know from reading letterzines and reviews that I am not alone in this complaint, and frankly, I am tired of spending good money on a zine only to turn around and give it away because I was so disappointed in the stories.

Therefore, it was a wonderful surprise to read "A Moment's Surrender" by Andi Lenor. It is frankly, the best K/S story I have read in about four years. In the preface, the editor indicates it took Andi six months to write this story, her first K/S publication ever, and boy does it show! I wouldn't change one word. As I read this story, I could picture Kirk and Spock saying and doing what I read, because Andi's characterizations were right on the money. Like some of my beloved older zines, when I read the wonderful stories they contain, I just tingled as I read each word of Andi's. For some of the newer fans of K/S who want to know what it was like reading K/S when it was in its heyday, buy this zine and read Andi's story, and you'll find out.

Of course, it didn't hurt that Andi chose a premise that is a favorite of mine, the "what happens after" the episode is over. In "A Moment's Surrender", she writes the unseen endings to "Return to Tomorrow", "The Paradise Syndrome", "Tholian Web", and an alternate scene in "Plato's Stepchildren", in which Kirk and Spock are first allowed to make love without being controlled, and then Spock is forced to rape Kirk. One of the best lines (and believe me, it's hard to pick just one) is after they make love voluntarily and "Spock twisted himself urgently around in the circle of Jim's arm, pulling himself off the softening organ and pushing Jim back on the couch. He covered Jim's mouth inexpertly with his own, putting all the gratitude, longing and loneliness of years into that one desperate kiss." I get chills just rewriting that line, and the whole story contains phrases I go back and read and reread. I congratulate Andi on this outstanding debut, and I can guarantee, if I see her name as an author of any stories appearing in future K/S zines, I will definitely be purchasing them.

1994

If this is this girl's first K/S story- I can't wait for the next! This story follows Kirk and Spock after the incident with Sargon, after "Paradise Syndrome", after "Tholian Web" until the main story concerning what happens during and after "Plato's Stepchildren".

Throughout these events, Kirk and Spock grow to realize that they love each other. They never speak of it, but watch each other in some lovely, poignant scenes.

Then they are made to perform for the Platonians. In an excellent series of scenes, they first make love, then are forced to and in one of the most horrific moments in K/S, Spock takes revenge on Parmen. This is very exciting and truly a perfect denouement for the villain!

After this episode, the story changes tone and purpose and really could have been 2 separate stories. They must face each other and the feelings and thoughts are beautifully expressed.

I especially liked McCoy's explanation of Vulcan sexuality. This has become one of my favorite theories about Vulcan bonding and why they have same-sex couples. Wonderful.

What an auspicious beginning for this brand new author! I loved this story - loved the characterization of this Spock. The dichotomies of Spock's character have always fascinated me: so much stronger than humans, yet so terribly vulnerable to human emotions, Andi has captured this perfectly, and yet in her exploration into Spock's feelings. Kirk's character is not diminished in any way.

There are several touches that enable us to visualize both characters vividly. One which I particularly liked was the small moment as Kirk leaves the mess with McCoy. "Kirk raised a hand in acknowledgement without looking back." So Kirk. I could see him so clearly striding off purposefully down the corridor.

The language is clear, flowing, direct with flashes of a lyrical quality that is to be admired, as in the scene when Kirk first realizes he loves Spock: "It has grown so quietly, woven itself strand by strand into the very fabric of his days, that he couldn't pick it out without unraveling his own life." Lovely.

Spock's violent reaction to Parmen's use of him to hurt Kirk is made even more horrific when compared with the exquisite love scene just completed. The reader doesn't get a moment to breathe.

The only small reservation I had was not that Spock would kill to protect Kirk, but that he had no self-doubts, no self-examination about it afterward, but again the writing was so well done I accepted this with scarcely a qualm. Another small point.,. The asides that tell us when each episode takes place are not needed. The same purpose could have been accomplished in the narrative without disrupting the flow of the story.

But these are truly minor points. This is a story I will read again and again. Thank you, Andi, and welcome to the ranks! Please let us see more, and more and more...

It is a pleasure to do an LOC on a first story, which I know from the editor's forward that this is. (I really like those forwards-a nice personal touch about the person behind the story.) It's a pleasure to read such an excellent first story, and to welcome a new writer and applaud her work.

I'm also going to take some liberties because of this being a first story-some little things the author might not be totally aware of- A suggestion or two on stylistic matters; not that I know any better. Mostly this author's writing is perfect as far as I'm concerned-smooth and vividly expressive.

But there are a few places where I feel it is not necessary to describe movement or position in such minute detail, unless said detail of movement or position is integral to the action of that moment. Such as when Kirk is leaning against the room divider watching Spock sleep. Even though described very well, so we could easily visualize his position, it seems to me not necessary for us to know exactly where each of his appendages are or whatever Not only is it not necessary (granting that the definition of 'necessary" in fiction is debatable), but it detracts from what is going on there, which is Kirk's feelings as he watches Spock sleep. (Whereas, in another scene, Spock's position in relation to the divider was totally integral to that scene.) Also, in one part of the love-making scene in front of Parmen and company, there was some over-explaining of positioning, while the real gist of the paragraph seemed to be only in the last lines.

Also, I felt there would be a better way to indicate time has passed and let us know what episodic time period we were now in, than by using editorial stick-in things saying, [now it's after such-and-such episode] and [now it's during such-and-such episode.] A few choice words (and obviously this author has command over choice words) in the first paragraph of the new scene would have placed us exactly where she wants us to be.

Also, here is something interesting: The author/narrator consistently uses "Jim" instead of 'Kirk/ which I point out because in the beginning I and probably countless others also did or wished to do the same but were told by the majority of editors that it is an absolute rule that we must refer to Jim Kirk as "Kirk" and not "Jim/ So not only is it jarring for us, who have had this drummed into our heads quite effectively, to read it this way, but I also feel a little...put out that this author 'gets" to and I don't!

Another little thing: On p. 26, McCoy is remembering how Spock was after believing he killed his captain, and in the narrator's words of McCoy's musings, it says, "Spock had been calmly issuing orders and making plans to 'surrender [himlself to the authorities.'- It does not seem this mode of technically proper quoting should be used in fiction. It would have been perfect to not indicate Spock was being quoted verbatim and just say, "Spock had been...making plans to surrender himself to the authorities.- That out of the way - wow) Really fine writing, a very graceful subtlety. And beautiful deep sentiments. I love this author's Kirk and Spock.

And none of the over-explaining that first-story writers are sometimes prone to (I know I was; probably still am), the need to justify why they might feel about each other the way they do.

The first scenes were vignettes more or less, to establish a little history of how they feel about each other I would think. A nice trip through a few episodes, and I especially loved the workout scene.

Then we get to the present of the story, the Plato's Stepchildren episode. Oh, it was painful as I read to know what was coming--as painful as watching that episode always has been for me (and for the author, as indicated in the forward!. Except that I knew they would treat each other with dignity, and that Kirk would do everything he could to not make this painful for Spock, and while he's at it, hopefully give him the pleasure he's been dreaming of giving him for so long.

A wonderful interaction between them when they realize what they will be forced to do. An excruciating and beautiful scene, from the first kiss onward. And Parmen had freed them from the control; he is not directing their actions!

Extremely gorgeous, that.

Wonderfully long and drawn-out sex; and a really nice focus on Spock's virgin reactions. Really, really fine erotica-breathless, overwhelmingly exquisite moments.

But after the first time Parmen wants more and takes Kirk and Spock back in control, making Spock fuck Kirk up against a pillar. Harsh, cruel, not like the first time. He's hurting Kirk, injuring him, and is forced to be sexually stimulated by it. He is enraged, and when he comes, breaks free of the control and leaps over and rips Parmen's head offl Superbly awful.

Back on the ship, in Sickbay, they each think they will never get to have that love again in real life. Spock feels he must retreat, become the professional, safe Vulcan first officer. The "safe" is an interesting point. He wants to be sure Kirk feels no threat from him in a sexual way.

Finally, a captivating scene in Spock's quarters. Kirk's "I love you" speech, quite fine, Spock is dumbstruck (as Kirk is leaving), can't find the words, but for "the one word that would never elude him, 'Jim!" Stunning, And plenty of other perfect and perfectly gorgeous dialogue. Beautiful, soft, tender, meltingly sexy scene. Beautiful, deep, slow passion. And I really love Spock's laziness after sex.

Such a satisfying story.

1995

I also liked Audi LeNor's 'A Moment's Surrender.' I thought Andi did a nice job of relating the development of the relationship in terms of the various episodes. I do have one minor stylistic criticism. As I read the story, I found it a bit jarring to just include an "introductory" sentence at the beginning of each new section to give us our bearings. Actually, Andi did just that at that at the very beginning of the novelette: the reference to Ann Mulhall was enough to tell us exactly where we were in the Star Trek chronology. I think a similar approach, used consistently throughout the story, would have been wise. Other than that, it was a very enjoyable story and a great first effort at K/S.

1997

I reviewed this story back in '93 (boy—time flies when you're into K/S!) in Come Together. I re-review it here because it's such an extraordinary story and one that definitely needs to be read by all self-respecting K/Sers.

The story starts right after the incident with Sargon. Then quickly proceeds through the events of Kirk with Miramanee. During this time, Kirk becomes aware that he is not only concerned for Spock, he is in love with him, as well. This revelation comes quietly, while he is in his cabin alone. Such beautiful moments and exacting detail in this scene just bring it alive. At one point Kirk "got up and slowly wandered through the cabin, blindly picking up objects and putting them down again...". This is such fine writing— showing such a detail that tells us Kirk is distracted by his feelings.

I love this writing, it's so Kirk. "So. He loved Spock. In every way he could think of. In more ways than Spock would likely be able to accept. Well, he could live with that; he'd have to. Their friendship would have to be enough. It had been enough before, after all, and it was the kind that would last a lifetime."

This author has such a talent for incorporating the series feel to her stories. In a scene between Kirk and McCoy where McCoy tells him that Spock didn't eat or sleep for weeks when Kirk was missing, we know exactly what the doctor is talking about—we saw it in the episode.

Kirk goes to Spock's quarters and in a lovely scene, watches Spock as he sleeps. Spock moves in his sleep and the covers pull away. "Heat washed over Kirk and he struggled to breathe evenly. Every now and then the fireshrine would flare up briefly, high-lighting the soft curves of Spock's buttocks and allowing a glimpse of the rounded testicles pressed against the sheet beneath him."

I loved how Kirk tries to fight his growing feelings, but goes back to their shared bathroom (a minor nuisance I choose to ignore) and very quickly masturbates to release. Later that same night, Spock comes through the bathroom and touches a sleeping Kirk just to let himself know that he was really there. This Then fast forward to after the events in "The Tholian Web". Although this technique is a little awkward, I just adored the interpretations of the aftermath of each event and it helps set the stage for the realization of their love. Spock is working out in the gym and wondering about his actions when he had to declare Jim dead and how alone he had felt. Kirk comes in and I loved Spock's thought: "Although he was aware the other officers often observed him, only the Captain watched him so overtly." I also really loved the outfit that Spock was wearing. "...Kirk idly watched the play of muscle and sinew clearly outlined beneath the sheen of the traditional skintight black unitard Spock wore."

Kirk joins Spock in the Vulcan exercise routine and you can guess that their touching and groping excited them both. I just love those exercise scenes!

All the scenes before the main part of the story with or Parmen and the gang help to set up Kirk and Spock's feelings for each other and I thought it did so particularly effectively.

The Platonian incident opens very dramatically with Kirk standing with the whip in his hand, poised in midair.

Of course, we just know what's going to happen (at least we hope what's going to happen) when the women are marched out of the room.

As I've said before, this author has an expert ability at integrating events from the series into her stories. Another example is when McCoy remembers when Spock had looked away from Gem's probing eyes.

The entire scene as Parmen forces them to have sex was one of the finest I've ever read. The author not only captured the feelings of their shared sensual pleasures, but also all the terrible emotions they felt while being enslaved by the Platonians.

Here's just one example of how beautifully detailed this writing is. Kirk is being forced (but not completely forced) to penetrate Spock. Just in these few lines alone, his observations of the Vulcan are wonderfully real: "Knew by the way he would bend one knee up and then straighten the leg out again, by the way his hands would try to dig into the deep red covering of the couch, by the way his eyes would open to stare sightlessly into the distance and then close again, by the way his penis was stirring and gradually filling".

This scene is very powerful because Kirk and Spock get so lost in their own world and are so open and vulnerable to each other as they experience such deep intimacies in front of an audience. So the more intimate it is, the more painful it is. I found myself reacting with embarrassment not at the physical intimacies of the sex, but at extremely private emotional experience that was being laid bare.

And there's a position that I can't remember reading elsewhere—Kirk pulls Spock back onto his lap while he's penetrating him. Along with this gorgeous writing; "It was dangerous, compelling, intoxicating, and completely under his control. He turned his head and kissed Spock lingeringly between the shoulderblades while his hands drifted across Spock's chest and trembling stomach, down the outside of the muscular thighs, up the inside, and then finally closed around the heavy organ, the heat of it branding his palms. He would remember how Spock felt in his hands forever."

After this beautiful, transcendent love-making, the next scene becomes extremely shocking, purposefully so, as Parmen forces Spock to brutally and painfully fuck Kirk.

And then...the scene...Spock in a rage like no other, literally rips Parmen's head off. This is a scene that ever since the story was published, has been the talk of the K/S town. No one who ever read it has ever forgotten the exciting, powerfulness of that scene. But you know what? On rereading, I have found, that although that scene is unquestionably truly spectacular, this story is way more than just that scene.

Back on the ship, the exploration of their feelings is shown so beautifully. I loved how Kirk decides to wait until the right time to share his love with Spock and how he knows that Spock didn't fake his responses.

McCoy is portrayed very well—I really appreciated how compassionate he was especially when he tells Kirk that he will never reveal what really went on with the Platonians and how vulnerable Spock is.

So finally, when they are together, Kirk knows that Spock loves him just by the look in his eyes. "Those eyes that always gave him away no matter how well he controlled the rest. Eyes that now revealed frustration and a desperate longing. Jim suddenly understood that Spock had not been unwilling to respond before, simply unable. And he knew for certainty that everything would be all right now."

The through-line of the theme of surrender as tied in with the title was expertly done. It was first and foremost Spock's surrender to Kirk, to his t'hy'la, of all that he held to himself.

Such exquisite lovemaking at the end, done in the author's fine detailed style that captures so much of their intimate feelings.

I loved the gentle humor when Kirk asks Spock: "Are you always this lazy after sex?" and Spock answers; "I do not know."

So if you haven't read this story—read it! It truly is one of our K/S treasures.

1998

This story was recommended to me by a friend, and another kindly arranged for me to see a copy. I'm told this was this writer's debut piece -- if so, I am impressed as all hell, and can only say, I hope she writes a lot more!

This is rather a dark story, in places. If all you want is sweetness and light, then this is not for you. But if, like me, you prefer your stories, like life itself, to have some teeth, then read this one, for it is most excellently done, with great care and respect for the characters.

In the beginning, she establishes that Kirk and Spock each care deeply for the other, while both feeling that their emotion could never be returned. Both try to be content with friendship, reasoning that this is much better than nothing. She works through some period of time, covering several different episodes of aired-Trek, without ever dragging or rambling on. By the time we get to the heart of the story, the reader is fully caught up in the feelings between these two, the depth of their caring and respect for one another, how very important each is to the other one.

Then the Enterprise answers a distress call from a previously unknown world -- Platonius, home of Parmen and his merry band of power-crazed "academicians". And this is when everything changes for Kirk and Spock. Here, the kironide injections don't work right away. Parmen decides, after the charming scene with the whips and the hot irons, that it would be entertaining to make the two men couple, in front of everyone. All that K & S can do is vow not to hurt one another; they try, as best they can, to shut out their awareness of anything but one another; not to resist, and anger Parmen, but rather to cooperate, in hopes of keeping one another safe from harm. What follows is lyrical and tender; everyone's first time should be so lovely, so caring. They really do love each other, and it shows, very clearly, here.

It isn't good enough for Parmen, of course. Unsatisfied, he makes them couple again, and this time he keeps control of both, and the Captain is injured quite seriously. Both have been concentrating, desperately trying to focus the power, to resist, to break Parmen's hold on them -- and finally, driven by pain and anger and despair, Spock succeeds in breaking free. Driven wild by what has been done to them, he kills Parmen, then collapses in despair, convinced that Jim will never want to go near him again.

Finally, they make it back to the Enterprise. McCoy treats Kirk's injuries, and reassures Spock that he will recover fully. Spock takes command and gets them out of there, and begins his retreat into "super- Vulcan" mode. He has convinced himself that his only choice is to give Jim no cause to fear, no reason to ask him to leave. He is certain Jim will never want to touch him again, and it hurts, for now he knows how much he wants and needs that touch.

A week or so goes by, and Jim is released from Sickbay, as long as he stays in his quarters and behaves himself. And that is when he goes, one evening, to Spock's quarters, knowing they need to speak, hoping Spock will listen to him, hoping he can get through the other's shields and defenses -- for he, too, wants, and needs, that touch. What follows is a slow and loving seduction; a reassurance, a confirmation that what they share is truly shared -- and some hot, and very tasty, sex. In the end, Spock falls asleep in Jim's arms, and both are content, for now they know what it is they share.

This is my first LOC here, so if I went into too much detail, hassle me -- I'll learn. But I really really like this story, and wish to recommend it, to those with the intestinal fortitude to handle its darker parts. For, how may we know the Light, save by where it is not?

1999

I remember people angrily proclaiming in a panel (can't remember which con, unfortunately) that violence like in *that story* shouldn't be allowed and that the editors should have refused to print it. Of course that caused all kinds of reciprocal screaming about censorship within fandom. I have no idea how it all turned out, as I walked out and quit going to panels like that.

It must have been a fairly small fuss. I never heard anything about it. The story was very good, and I was impressed by how well the author justified Spock's doing such a violent thing.

2001

It is simply wonderful. Words fail me — I can't describe this story and do it justice. To anyone who hasn't read this story, I urge you to run right out and buy this zine right away. You won't regret it. "A Momen'ts Surrender" is an incredible, moving story that is one of the most loving and erotic K/S stories I've ever read. (And you know if Jenna recommends it, ifs gotta be good!)

A mention Linda B. made of this story in the June KSP sent me scurrying to the boxes in the closet to see if I had this zine. I did, and had noted reading this story in '94.

Using as stepping stones several episodes from the series, Ms. LeNor gives us glimpses of Kirk's and Spock's slow recognition that there is something different about this friendship.

Kirk's introspection on Sargon's words "I could not allow your sacrifice of one so close to you" gives him the strength to utter those three words—but only to himself. He's convinced they are best kept secret. Even admitting to himself the love he felt for Miramanee was an escape from the longing he felt for Spock is not enough to cause him to reveal himself. So touching was the explanation of how, after the planet was a distant speck on their viewer, Spock chose to leave both bathroom doors ajar so he could once more hear the familiar sounds made by the adjoining room's occupant. What small things give us comfort and reassurance.

Close to losing Kirk again in Tholian space, the intensity of Spock's feelings grows beyond his ability to control. There are countless moments of character growth, many gems that sparkle with discovery and hope. I don't want to reveal them here.

The whole thing reaches critical mass as Parmen directs brutal humiliation and pain upon Kirk. In possibly the most shocking and violent scene in all of K/S, Spock says with action alone what one certain human means to him. And then seeks recovery in the only way he knows: withdrawal. He considers the ultimate sacrifice to Jim's happiness: transfer. Here logic does not quite rule and he admits he cannot leave Jim.

This is a remarkably well-crafted account and gets better and better as your read. Progression is swift but well defined with no doubt left as to each and every thought or action by the perfectly drawn characters. I join Linda in urging everyone to find and read this!

2004

This reworking of Plato’s Stepchildren was the author’s first story and what an auspicious beginning! Initially forced to have sex with each other, Kirk sets out to make the experience as loving, as fulfilling, as possible for his very inexperienced first officer. In the aftermath of this beauty, Parmen corrupts their love into something hideously ugly, and Spock reacts in a manner that is totally unique to anything you will ever read in K/S, yet is true to both the Vulcan and human parts of his psyche. A story with amazing sensitivity and insight into both men’s characters and justly famous.

2007

In “A Moment’s Surrender,” the author uses a scenario that has appeared several times in K/S: that Parmen in the episode “Plato’s Stepchildren” decides to humiliate Kirk and Spock by forcing them to have sex with each other. The author even uses a structure that’s fairly common, that of relating the progression of feelings between the two men by writing scenes that weren’t filmed from several episodes. But put the two together in this particular author’s hands, and you’ve got something quite special. There is one incident in particular, something that Spock does, that everybody always says to identify this story. (“Do you remember the story where Spock blank blank blank? Well, I was reading it the other day and....”) I am very tempted to tell you what it is, but then that would ruin the surprise, so I won’t.

“A Moment’s Surrender” can be used to counter anyone who argues that, because K/S has such a long history, everything has been already written about and there is nothing new that can be brought to the table. I would say that there is so much that K/S hasn’t touched upon that we could write for another fifty years before scratching the surface, but a prospective writer should also consider that old themes can achieve fresh life when looked at from a new perspective. That’s what happened with Andi’s story.

2009

This story was recommended to me and I‘ve been reading and rereading it on and off for days now. A powerful story, no doubt about it! We see Kirk becoming more and more aware of his feelings for Spock following the Sargon episode and deciding that nothing would change between them (It couldn‘t), and then Spock, also experiencing changes in the way he perceives his Captain. The author does this beautifully, by showing little postscripts to several episodes. I LOVE my K/S like this, firmly series-based!

The main body of the story is set during and immediately after 'Plato‘s Stepchildren', and in her preview, Andi talks about her need to rewrite the events and of being unable to watch the humiliations of that episode, something I could identify with... In this version, Parmen sends Uhura and Chapel away, deciding to watch Kirk seduce Spock. We see McCoy, loyally turned away and we see Philana, watching (avidly, I always imagine)... But mostly, we see Kirk given this opportunity to make love to Spock: and boy, do we see it! The scene is, well, beautiful. Early on, Jim decides not to fight Parmen‘s control, hoping to minimise any hurt to Spock. And listen to this: '...he proceeded to do exactly what he had longed to do for so many months. He slowly... kissed and caressed every inch of the Vulcan‘s body that he could reach....‘ Wow! Spock responds, and that is lovely, too: He had never imagined that his body could react this way to... Jim‘s touch‘.

I could quote more; the language is deceptively simple but says so much. I need to carry on, though, as the most dramatic parts of the plot are still to come: Philana changes things: she forces their next encounter ( ̳hard and fast this time‘) and Spock is made to rape Kirk violently, injuring him quite severely. He is horrified by his own actions, finally breaks free of Platonian control, launches himself at Parmen and literally tears his head off. Yes, literally. The head makes a dull, wet thudding sound as it falls and I had to read it all again to make sure I‘d read what I thought I had! Such a powerful scene and more to follow: chaos, of course, as McCoy needs to get Jim to sickbay, Spock forces himself to help the Captain, and Uhura, 'a hint of wonder in her eyes‘, as she realises what has happened.

The scenes back on the Enterprise work well, too. Spock is convinced that Kirk will be unable to bear his presence at all whereas Jim is counting on the response he felt from his First Officer during the seduction and has resolved to tell him of his feelings. The author doesn‘t rush this, however. McCoy has his part to play and when Jim finally approaches Spock, in his cabin, with the lights lowered, the scene is set for confessions and a tender sex scene that‘s, well, worth a reread as well! It is only here, now that I think of it, that we have some humour and it works so well at this point, once the two of them are finally relaxed with each other. As you all may have gathered, I thoroughly enjoyed this story, and couldn‘t get it out of my head for days!