Two Gifts of Love

Fanfiction
Title:	Two Gifts of Love
Author(s):	Carole Brownell
Date(s):	1975
Length:
Genre(s):	slash
Fandom(s):
Relationship(s):	Kirk/Spock
External Links:
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Two Gifts of Love is a 1975 Kirk/Spock story by Carole Brownell. Brownell was, at the time, president of STSTC.

cover of the folder

first page of the story

While one may surmise that the "K/S" the author used to describe her story was perhaps a very intense, emotionally intimate story, as the "/" in the mid-1970s did not necessarily mean a sexual relationship.

But this is not the case. The "/" in this instance does mean a sexual relationship; the terse remark of the non-fan selling this fanwork on eBay in 2021 was: "Plot is Spock is in heat and Kirk saves him...very odd..." is one clue. As does the label on the outside of a folder holding the story: "Rated XXX." However, despite the label calling it "XXX," the story would today would barely garner a PG rating.

There are only a handful of copies in existence.

A Private Message

A hand-written note by Brownell on Star Trek Welcommittee stationary was attached to a copy given to "Janice" states:

7-8-75

handwritten note

Janice -

Here's the K/S story I promised you. It's yours to keep. Comments please. Only you, Helen, Rebecca Oroukin, Diane Marchant & Sondra Marshak have copies. This is the private story Sondra mentions in ST Lives. Tell me all about Benecia. Heard you had to rescue Dee Kelley from Sondra. Good goin'.

See ya! Carole

PS. Enclosed is a flyer I'm sending out from STSTC along with the GR letter.

"This is the private story Sondra mentions in ST Lives."

From Star Trek Lives!:

Sondra and Myrna are now working on Star Trek and other writing together, and on projects like the television special. They've been to a couple of conventions together and found that they tend to take a liking to the same fans -- like Mrs. Carol[e] Brownell of Houston, Texas, who works at [redacted here on Fanlore]. Carol visited Sondra and Myrna in Baton Rouge to be a guest on the Special, and now writes Star Trek stories, sometimes for their own private consumption -- though she will be in the fanzines soon. (They've thought of recommending GRUP to her -- and her to GRUP.)

Plot Summary

The beginning of the story contains a lot of exposition that is a lot of tell, rather than show.

"Prologue"

The story opens with this scene:

Captain James T. Kirk of the U.S.S. Enterprise, was standing on a lonely hillside, on a deserted planet. Others of the crew were there too; Doctor McCoy, Scotty, Uhura. But they did not approach him. He stooped to pick up a strange but lovely flower and, turning his face to the wind, let his mind wander back to the beginning.....

"The Beginning"

Kirk, newly appointed to the Enterprise, greets his new officers. His crew is excellent, and the next four years are full of adventure. These adventures are not described in detail.

He comes to rely on Bones and on Spock. Spock is cool and aloof, but completely loyal.

James Kirk felt in his heart, and knew in his mind, that with Spock beside him, he could face anything. And "Bones" would come along, and grumble, and put them back together again. What a life. What friends! Kirk was content

The First Gift"

Bones calls Kirk to Sick Bay. Spock is in "ponn-farr" again, and this time it is too late to get to Vulcan.

Kirk goes to Spock's quarters. They both know he is dying. Spock makes Kirk promise to to visit or see him again as things will get ugly, and Spock doesn't want anyone to see him like that: "'Please, Captain. Grant me whatever dignity I have left'."

Later, Kirk is working on paperwork in his quarters when a guard calls him and says it sounds like Spock is tearing his room apart and is screaming. Kirk goes into Spock's room and sees that his First Officer is a raging, bloody mess:

"Spock..." Kirk's voice was soft and calm, belying the horror he felt. He almost wished he had not cone in to see his friend. He would have preferred to remember Spock as the man he had been, but it was too late. Kirk knew he would never forget, could never forget, this poor demented man.

Spock attacks Kirk and attempts to strangle him, but he stops when he realizes it is his friend. Kirk tells him that he will stay with him until Spock dies. Spock warns him he only has two hours to live, and that things will be terrible.

"I find it difficult to speak of this, and would do so to no other man." Taking a deep breath, Spock continued. "As the time grows shorter, I shall become increasingly restive. The blood fever, which is even now setting my limbs on fire, will drive me into insane actions. As the end approaches, I will become delirious, and shall not be responsible for my words or actions. Convulsions and death follow. Are you sure you wish to witness this?"

Kirk was stunned. He was honored that Spock had trusted him enough to tell him all this, and horrified at the agonizing death which awaited the Vulcan.

"Spock, you've been with me during many of my personal crises, and have borne my madnesses. I'll stay with you now."

"Thank you...Jim." Spock was secretly pleased that Kirk would be there. He did not fear death but, having been alone all his life, did not wish to die alone.

Spock keeps clutching at his own chest, and clawing at his heart. Kirk tries to care for him. Then, Spock says:

"Captain... stop... please." Spock's voice quavered as he fought to maintain control. "I...I am deep in the ... fever now," he said. "You are... arousing feelings in me that I... cannot control."

Some of Spock's inner torment was reflected on his face and Kirk saw it there. Involuntarily, he reached out to comfort Spock. Placing his hand on the Vulcan's head, he smoothed the black hair and let his hand drift downward to rest on the feverish cheek.

"It's alright, Spock. I understand." he said. "You won't offend me."

Kirk makes his decision, thinking about how much he owed to Spock, how many times Spock had saved his life. "'Well, why not?'" Kirk thinks. "'It's not so much to ask of me'."

Kirk thinks:

The kind of help Spock had pleaded for, was not unknown in Starfleet. Kirk himself knew several men who had formed temporary relationships while on long missions, and even a couple who had 'married' each other. Kirk had never been interested in such a pairing but then too; he had never had a reason to be interested. Now there was Spock. Kirk looked down at the body of his friend and sighed. "Alright then, it would certainly do no harm and might, in fact, be the antidote needed to restore the Vulcan." At any rate; he would try. He would not; could not; sit by and let Spock die without trying.

When Spock figures out what Kirk is planning, he is unhappy:

"I'm going to help you, Spock, in the only way I can."

"I cannot allow you to sacrifice yourself in this manner."

"Spock," Kirk's voice was firm. "I don't consider it a sacrifice." Kirk removed Spock's hand from his shoulder, and held it in his. "You are the best friend I have. I won't let you die because you have no mate."

Seeing that argument was useless, Spock lay back down. He knew he had not protested enough but his loins ached with repressed desire. He wanted to mate. He wanted to make love. He wanted James Kirk.

First, there is a lot of kissing:

Spock had known for a long time that he loved the Captain. But he had been very careful not to give any sign of this love. He would have died without confessing it. "Now...now, he thought. "Jim is coming to me!" The fever in his blood over-whelmed him and he could suppress it no longer. He threw his arms around the Captain, who was still struggling with his boot, and hauled him down. Crushing his mouth to Kirk's, Spock kissed the surprised Captain.

Kirk makes the realization of how much he loves Spock and that "...never had a satisfactory relationship with a woman and now he understood why."

Bones comes into the room and sees them in a naked, tender embrace. And he leaves.

There is no description of the sexual act or of their bodies.

Bones calls Jim to his office the next day, and he gives him lecture about getting involved with Spock. Bones is worried that one, or both, of the men will suffer the consequences of their action, due to the fact the feelings could be one-sided, or perhaps non-existent and done out of pity. Kirk asks: "'I see, Doctor'," he said. "'Are you going to give me a lecture on proper relationships between men now?'" Kirk assures Bones that he loves Spock.

Kirk goes to Spock's cabin. At first, Spock is embarrassed and afraid he took advantage of his friend. But this is soon dismissed. Kirk tells him:

"Oh, Spock! Don't you know? Haven't you guessed?" He pulled Spock in close to him and whispered, "Spock, I love you! I'm in love with you. It was no sacrifice, it was a great joy. Believe me."

Spock searched the Captain's face with his eyes, looking for a hint of Kirk's true feelings. With a quiet sigh, he allowed his face to soften.

"I believe you, Jim." he said, and they kissed gently. "Spock, I... want to be with you tonight."

"Yes, Jim," Spock whispered. "Yes."

A final kiss and they parted, to await the flowering of their new love.

"Interlude"

Years passed, and the relationship between the Captain and the Vulcan deepened and grew. Their love for each other was as strong as when first they discovered it. Two or three times a week they would meet; sometimes in Kirk's quarters, sometimes in Spock's. These meetings never failed to bring about the same excitement and pleasure as the first time. They thoroughly enjoyed each other's company, as companions as well as lovers.

The crew of the Enterprise gave no sign that they knew or suspected anything. On the bridge or elsewhere, Kirk and Spock were outwardly as they had always been. And those of that knew of their changed relationship accepted it.

Even Dr. McCoy had finally come to realize that relationship was a good one. Jim was more contented than McCoy had ever seen him; and Spock, while still devoted to logic, had softened. He was even known, on occasion, to smile slightly.

The doctor had kept a close check on both men's mental and emotional attitudes for a long time after their affair began. No sign of instability had ever developed. They were both as sound as ever; they simply preferred each other instead of female companionship.

"The Final Gift"

Many years later, the Enterprise was orbiting an uninhabited planet. Leaving Scotty in command, Kirk, Spock, and Bones beam down to explore.

Kirk and Spock wander off:

"Let's rest awhile." Kirk walked to a grassy spot under a tree and sat down. Spock joined him, and they relaxed and enjoyed the scenery. Kirk reached over and took Spock's hand in his. He turned and looked into the Vulcan's eyes, and said softly, "You know, Spock. I haven't made love under a tree since I was a cadet." Spock smiled in complete understanding and kissed Kirk gently.

They made love in the glade. Gentle, slow. Letting the fires grow slowly. The warm breeze wafted over their naked bodies and caressed their skin. When their passion had reached it's heighth, they clung to each other and cried out in their ecstasy.

Afterwards, they lay quietly in each others arms, and let the breeze cool their fever. They seemed to sense that this was a special time,- and they savored it.

The two men return to McCoy and they go look for mineral specimens. A large rock falls off a cliff. Spock pushes Kirk out of the way. Kirk is saved, but the rock crushes Spock.

They get Spock back to the Enterprise, and Bones tells Kirk that Spock is dying.

The entire crew, and perhaps even the Enterprise herself, waited. There was no laughter on the ship. Spock was dying, and a part of the ship was dying. Sadness, silence, grief; walked the corridors.

Spock dies and Bones gets the body ready for burial:

McCoy prepared Spock's body with more loving care than he had ever shown the Vulcan during his lifetime. "Why didn't I ever tell Spock I liked him?" he thought, as he dressed for the services. "Now it's too late."

"The Parting"

They bury Spock on the planet. Uhura gives Kirk a grave marker, the "bell-frame" that Spock had in his room. Kirk gives the eulogy:

Kirk stepped to the foot of the grave and began.

"Officers and crew of the Enterprise. We have come here to bury Commander Spock, who gave his life for another..." His voice broke, but he took a deep breath and continued.

"I can say many things about the man who lies here. And all of them would be true. He was called the best First Officer in Starfleet. He was loyal, dependable... but I needn't tell you that. Most of you have been touched in some way by Mr. Spock. He has been advisor, teacher, friend, and... and more. Remember in your hearts what he has given you, and take a moment now to say good-bye."

The rest of the landing party beams up. Kirk places a strange flower on Spock's grave:

"Good-bye, Spock," he whispered. "Good-bye, my love." As he stood and walked back to be beamed aboard, the gentle breeze came back. And as his body began to shimmer and break up; the last thing Kirk heard was the sound of the Vulcan bells."

"Epilogue"

No, Spock doesn't come back to life in this story, despite the strange flower and the tinkling bells:

Kirk wandered the stars as Captain of the Enterprise until his retirement. Many women tried to interest him, and were rejected. A few men tried, and were rejected. He became known as a man who was married to his ship.

They didn't know that when he was alone and the night was quiet, his thoughts would go back... to black hair, deep, dark eyes, a calm and gentle voice, and he would remember...

After his retirement, he lived a quiet life until his own death at the age of 127. Those friends who were with him when he died, swore they heard the far-off tinkling of Vulcan bells.