The Question

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K/S Fanfiction
Title: The Question
Author(s): Cynthia Drake
Date(s): 1983
Length:
Genre: slash
Fandom: Star Trek: The Original Series
External Links:

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The Question is a Kirk/Spock story by Cynthia Drake.

It was published in the print zine T'hy'la #3 and was nominated for a 1984 K/Star Award.

Summary

"A/R: Six months after Spockʼs death, Kirk returns to Genesis, sure that his friend is still alive."

Reactions and Reviews

This must have been written between ST2 and ST3. Very well written, the only problem being some quite overly long paragraphs. Kirk is going off in a small craft returning to Genesis in search of Spock. He had felt Spock call to him before they had left Genesis. If s cool how. even not having seen ST3, we still know Kirk would move hell and high water to get to Spock. I love how Kirk bemoans that he didn't tell Spock he loved him, at the end there in the radiation chamber. He just couldn't—why. why? My heart is breaking. An interesting perspective from McCoy We get some psychological insight from him into Kirk and Spock and their relationship. How Kirk always sought obsessive release in women, but always returned to Spock. How Spock never quite responded but never let Kirk go either. So McCoy feels pissed now. like Spock has a hold on Kirk still. It was bad enough before (when Spock left him for Gol) but now, even from the grave.... I loved when Kirk says to Spock in his thoughts: "You said it yourself, you've always been mine." Beautiful. And his thinking how Kahn would never know how successful his revenge was. Worse then killing Kirk himself, he'd killed Spock. His search on Genesis is interesting and accurate based on what we know of the planet from ST2 only. He finally finds Spock. Lovely picture: Spock naked, long-haired, lazing by a stream Beautiful moments, Spock in rather a dreamy state; it's all unhurried and miraculous and beautiful. I love when Spock, realizing what Kirk went through to find him (and because Kirk brought 'Tale of Two Cities" and Spock's lyrette), says. "You really love me. don't you?" But Spock seems to recoil from so much emotion, and is not easy with Kirk's sexual advances. Kind of disappointing (to me I mean). Even though he is saying in words, yes, we can be lovers now, he seems distinctly uncomfortable with it. He seems a total innocent; Kirk has to tell him what to do. A rather unusual Spock, but intriguing. I suppose no more unusual than the Spock we do see at the end of ST3 and in ST4. Really nice sex—good, hot stuff. Well written. And a beautiful talk they have; now they will be together forever. Nice, nice. [1]
Now this is my kind of K/S story! First of all, I loved the Walt Whitman quote with which it began, “I cannot answer the question of appearances or that of identity beyond the grave, but I walk or sit indifferent. I am satisfied. He ahold of my hand has completely satisfied me.” If that doesn’t describe the K/S relationship, then it’s as close as you need. It is especially fitting when applied to the time just following the Wrath Of Khan. Apparently the sequel wasn’t out yet, and it might well have been replaced by this answer to the soft-landing of that mesmerizing torpedo tube.

It’s been six months. Six long, terrible, agonizing months for the one left behind. Kirk has a shuttle packed and Starfleet’s permission to take it to Genesis, but he keeps thinking of things he’s forgotten to load, forgotten to do. In truth, he knows this trip will do one of two things, bring Spock back to him or confirm undeniably and forever that his love is cold and dead. Bones convinces him to try, once and for all, and sends him on his way. Strangely, at this point I was thinking of all that Spock was, and my thoughts went to his lyre and how symbolic its silence. Imagine my surprise when the author brings just that element into the story: Kirk has brought along his birthday gift, “A Tale Of Two Cities” and Spock’s lyre. The first night aboard, completely enveloped by grief and fear, he falls asleep grasping the lyre. So believable was the apparent fruitlessness of Kirk’s search of the Genesis surface, that I was dumbfounded when he found his love. The warmth with which they reclaim their friendship and realize their love is engrossing and involves the reader in every touching step. Ms. Drake so skillfully writes the words that pass between them during this emerging discovery! One forgets one is not hiding behind the fronds of a giant fern observing the moment. My favorite part comes after they have been together again for a few days, have talked about many things and have even been engaged in some playfulness in a stream. They’ve touched intimately following their swim and are holding each other when the terrible loss and unrelenting guilt for having allowed Spock to die catches up with Kirk in a most dramatic way.

“I missed you horribly,” Jim whispered finally, feeling something hard and knotted give way inside him. “Beyond belief. Oh, God,” he cried suddenly, and arousal was gone. “You died—you died in terrible pain—and I couldn’t even touch you! Couldn’t hold you—oh God, Spock,” the tears which had been repressed for months began trickling down his cheeks. “Oh, Spock—forgive me that I couldn’t hold you—forgive me that I couldn’t save you—forgive me that I didn’t even tell you that I loved you....”

Ahhh, if we could only have seen this search for Spock portrayed on screen. It is infinitely more rewarding and convincing than the version we’ve had to accept. I was by no means disappointed in the ending, but would have loved to see the evolution of their love continue aboard the Enterprise and to have witnessed the surprise of all the skeptics. It was a grand experience! [2]

References

  1. from Come Together #29
  2. from The K/S Press #31