The Child Within Us

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You may be looking for The Child Within, a K/S story.

Title: The Child Within Us
Publisher: John Spires & Starbase M.T.L.
Author(s): Danielle DuBois
Cover Artist(s): Michael Verina
Illustrator(s): Michael Verina and Susan Armstrong
Date(s): July 1981
Medium: fanzine, print
Fandom: Star Trek: TOS
External Links:
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The Child Within Us is a 51-page gen/pre-slash Star Trek: TOS novel by Danielle DuBois. The interior illustrations and front cover are by Michael Verina. Susan Armstrong is the back cover artist.

This is a Kirk-de-aged story and may be one of the earliest examples of de-aged fan fiction.

back cover by Susan Armstrong
front cover by Michael Verina

From an ad in Universal Translator #9: "A novelette... it will deal with the friendship between Kirk and Spock in a very different way."

Author's Summary

You are presently holding a story that has taken over three years to write. Fourteen drafts represent a lot of very hard work and faith in what I was doing. But I was not alone! Because I am a French Canadian, I had problems with English grammar and expressions. I also had problems with the length of the story. Luckily, I had eight wonderful people to help out, simply because they believed in me. They are: Judy Segal, Jacqueline Lichtenberg, Lois Welling (these three friends have literally torn apart my story at August Party 1979 ), Susan M. Schwartz, Donna Toutant, Beverly Zuk, Mary Jo Lawrence and Anne Golar. I thank each of you individually. Without your help, this novelette would not be what it is now. I also wish to thank John Spires for publishing my story and Michael Verina for having done these beautiful illustrations. I am proud to have completed this project and I hope you will find it was worthwhile. This is my contribution to the world of creativity; may you all enjoy it. Peace. Live long and prosper. [1]

Interior Art


From the beginning, page 10:

Hours later - Spock was never really sure how many - he stirred and woke. Dazed and anxious,he turned toward the place where he had last seen Kirk. He sat abruptly, and his keen eyes spotted a still form lying nearby, dressed in the full size uniform of Starfleet Command. But this child ... This six or seven year old boy -- could it be his Captain?! Walking toward the small figure, he saw that Kirk - for it could be no other - was slowly regaining consciousness. Anxiously he looked down as the child stirred. There was a total silence. Spock and the child Kirk locked gazes. The little Jim Kirk's features were very much like the adult's. His eyes held the same determination and mischief clouded now by uncertainty. His round face sparkled with good health and vigor. Spock broke the silence:

"Capt uh Jim?"

Hazel eyes stared up at him.

"Jim?" Spock repeated again. "Jim?"

The child's voice piped back firm and clear:

"Is that my name? I can't remember ... and who are you? Where am I?"

Spock's eyebrows rose. Jim was truly a child - not his Captain but one who would one day grow up to be such. He remembered nothing of his past life.

From the end, page 49:

"What happened here is a unique thing. I'll never forget these precious times we had here together, Spock."

Spock's features softened. Kirk's words were reaching him, but his upbringing was too strong. He bent his head, unable to meet Kirk's eyes.

"Spock" Kirk continued gently, "why do you feel embarrassed with me? Is "I love you" too shameful for us to say to one another? If I had the privilege to tell you so as a child, why can't I have the same privilege now as an adult?"

Silent moments passed as Spock slowly raised his eyes. His Captain and friend spoke again: "Spock, I love the Enterprise and I'm not ashamed of it. Why should I be ashamed of loving you?"

Kirk looked at Spock's shadowy face in the darkness. His clear voice had touched something deeply locked away in the Vulcan. His serious dark eyes silently held Kirk's own expressive ones. The Captain's eyes now spoke as eloquently as his words:

"I wish I could recapture these moments all over again, Spock."

Kirk backed away a little. He instinctively knew he had said enough to the Vulcan.


  1. from the zine's preface