The Child Within
You may be looking for The Child Within Us, a Star Trek: TOS zine.
|Title:||The Child Within|
|Fandom:||Star Trek: The Original Series|
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It was published in the print zine Singing in the Wilderness.
""I'm ill, aren't I? I feel strange... scared all the time... Is that why we're here?" Spock nodded, not daring to speak lest it chase away this moment of insight. ..."Do not fear. I will stay with you." Spock watched Jim's expression soften to a near smile, "I've always loved you," Jim whispered.)"
Reactions and Reviews
After Gol and after Sybok, the Enterprise goes to a planet that is populated by strange, ethereal beings, where they are supposed to establish diplomatic relations. Their encounter with these beings leads Kirk to committing a crime by trying to stop their mass suicide. His punishment is to be sent through a mysterious structure called the Agor that the natives themselves fear.
Kirk comes back severely depressed and Spock questions himself for not having saved Kirk from the trial or punishment. This is a very good emotional situation, but we needed to see a scene that showed more of Kirk’s interference with the Char’s culture, or especially his time in the Agor to have had more of an impact instead of being briefly told in the past tense.
When Kirk is in sickbay there’s a nice scene where they talk.
Kirk has regressed emotionally and can’t command the Enterprise. Spock must take care of him, so they go to a peaceful, remote cabin in the mountains. I always enjoy this particular scenario.
Some very good writing and good situation as Kirk is so emotionally fragile that he can’t be away from Spock even for a moment. They stay at the cabin for a number of months and during that time Kirk begins to get stronger and they both have an encounter with a strange, elderly man/being who gives them some cryptic advice. I think the story would have been fine without this character as I didn’t understand its purpose, nor what he had to say.
Later Kirk finds a mummified child’s body in the snow. This, also, was a little too unclear and confusing. Finding it meant something to both Kirk and Spock about their inner child and their feelings for each other, but I wasn’t sure what. I liked the idea of the metaphor, however.
A neat scene was Kirk riding a horse in the mountains.
During all this time, I’m hoping that we get to find out what the mysterious Agor is, or at least exactly what Kirk’s experience was inside of it.
One difficulty I had with this story was each time Kirk or Spock experienced painful emotions, the author seemed to pull back and not let them feel it. An example is when Kirk is in sickbay, he gets angry with Spock for having left him for Gol, but Spock immediately understands what Kirk is feeling and knows exactly what he needs to do to make things all right. Spock had hardly any moments of pain, shock or surprise before he came to a realization. These emotional scenes would be more satisfying if they had been more fully realized.
Then there’s a whole new situation with Starfleet Medical interfering and interrogating Spock about his and Kirk’s relationship. I really liked the officious lieutenant (“Would it, Captain Spock? To whom , I wonder? How many bedrooms are there here? Just how dependent is Jim Kirk? Do you sleep with him?”), but it’s resolved too quickly. But I loved “vegetarian lasagna”!
The author is at her best when there’s love and tenderness involved. These scenes are terrific. One of my favorites is Spock playing the piano (effortlessly and beautifully, of course!). Another is a lovely small scene of them kissing in bed. And yet another when they leave the cabin after their stay.In the end, they fix the Agor, but I would have preferred an ending with Kirk and Spock, especially because Ms. Cooke’s writing for their love scenes is so excellent, although her creation of the people and the landscape is very vivid, too. 
- from The K/S Press #42