Sweet Sorrow

Fanfiction
Title:	Sweet Sorrow
Author(s):	Elwyn Conway
Date(s):	1986
Length:
Genre(s):	slash
Fandom(s):	Star Trek: TOS
Relationship(s):	Kirk/Spock
External Links:
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Sweet Sorrow is a Kirk/Spock story by Elwyn Conway.

It was published in the print zine Naked Times #12.

Summary

"Spock volunteers for an expedition to the Andromeda galaxy after he and Kirk decide not to become lovers following their run in with V'Ger."

Reactions and Reviews

The lead-off story, SWEET SORROW, by Elwyn Conway has a premise that Spock is not only leaving Starfleet and Kirk, but that he is also leaving the galaxy on a science expedition to the Andromeda galaxy. Of course, when he returns, Kirk will be long dead. Ms. Conway beautifully captures Kirk's feelings, and we are shown the despair of a separation which is sure to be life-long. While I had some minor difficulty accepting certain plot complications later on in the story (such as Admiral Nogura being witness to the verbal commitment between Kirk and Spock), the writer convinced me that it was within the realm of possibility.

This story is set in the period after ST:TMP. Kirk is on the Enterprise lamenting that Spock has decided to join a Vulcan expedition to Andromeda and knowing once he leaves he will never see him again. The Enterprise is scheduled to give the Expedition a diplomatic send off and Kirk is pining and regretting that they had never been lovers. A new Vulcan science officer, who had failed to get a place on the expedition, joins the ship. Kirk passes out at the ceremony to see the ship off and ends up in sick bay. Kirk comes to with Bones and admiral Nogura with him

and trying his best not to totally lose it in front of Nogura. Because he has his face buried in the pillow he doesn't see Spock come in and we have a nicely written emotional moment as he realises Spock Hadn't left after all. Kirk then finds out that Nogura has arranged for the other Vulcan to go on the expedition and for Spock to stay on the Enterprise. Kirk wants assurance that Spock is never going to leave again and Spock swears an oath to him in front of Nogura and McCoy. Spock goes off with Sarek while Jim rests in Nogura's quarters and Jim dreams of being in Spock's arms, then wakes up to find that he is. Jim tells Spock he loves him and wants to make love to him but Spock is not sure it is the right thing to do. We now find out that the reason they separated was Jim's concern that their closeness would have led to a sexual relationship against Spock's better judgement. After spending the recent past with Vulcans Spock had come to realise that he didn't want to follow that path and that he couldn't face the future without Kirk. Kirk tells Spock that he didn't know how he would have survived without him either and they end the story in each others arms knowing nothing is going to part them again.

All in all, I like this story and it has many humorous moments. I was not very convinced by the reasons for Spock going on the expedition in the first place though. Kirk also seemed rather weak but not so much as to stop me enjoying the story.

Sweet Sorrow is a simple short story that takes place shortly after the conclusion of the first movie. This piece has a unique presentation of what happens next. For one thing, Kirk is given back command of the Enterprise by kindly Admiral Nogura who even has a first name ... it’s “Chiro.” Another thing that’s different here is Jim and Spock are still at odds with one another but for different reasons. Kirk and Spock, realizing their relationship is heading for the bedroom (macho image and Vulcan respectability), decided that the more honorable thing to do is not to act on it, and separate again. After only a few months of service on the Enterprise, Spock resigns a second time to join a significant scientific exploratory mission comprised exclusively of Vulcans called Andromeda. This mission is headed for the far reaches of the galaxy and beyond and will last 80 years. Jim, who is middle-aged now, realizes he will be dead by the time Spock returns. And this fact leaves him consumed with despair. At the farewell send-off gathering, Jim is required to give a speech and he collapses as he leaves the stage. When he comes to, he finds that Spock has had a last minute change of heart about leaving him and a Vulcan officer from the Enterprise substitutes for Spock on the mission. But the story isn’t over then. There are some confusing scenes as to the extent of their past and current relationship. In front of McCoy and Nogura, who seem not to be able to leave the two alone, Spock gets down on his knees and swears his allegiance to Jim. We know they are not sharing a bed, but at some point in their past it does. appear that they shared melds and deep feelings for each other. The author says ... “Spock let his lips soften against Kirk’s this is what he had ached for all these months ... this and the melds.” The one thing they do a lot of in this story is kiss. At the end, he and Spock share their worst fears about one another. Spock’s, of course, is hurting Jim during pon farr. The piece ends on a happy note although they never do get in bed. Sweet Sorrow is not the greatest thing I have read, but it is a little different.

I don’t believe there is anyone who can convey anguish quite as convincingly as Elwyn Conway. She doesn’t just tell you of it, or surround you with it, she somehow makes it become a part of you.

I’ve read “Sweet Sorrow” before and recalled it as a tale of terrible loss as Spock joins an all-Vulcan exploration team chosen to explore the Andromeda Galaxy -- a trip which will take 80 years. I have no idea why I didn’t fully recall the intensity of that parting. This author drags you through Hell and leaves you begging for more. Something else I’ve always admired about Ms. Conway is her determination to never allow the characters to lose their dignity or their status as strong and heroic figures. For instance, even as Kirk is suffering the agony of the damned, knowing he will never see Spock’s face or hear the sound of his voice again, the Admiral delivers a stirring and memorable send-off speech to the Andromeda Team. He leaves the podium with perfect aplomb, catches a glimpse of his lover’s face on the monitor, manages to leave the room with head held high, and collapses from exhaustion and grief as soon as he’s out of the audience’s view. Don’t mistake this for weakness of spirit, because the author writes it as representative of the strength of their love and depth of commitment.

Every moment of this saga is stirring, whether with desolation or fear of loss or with achingly beautiful relief and joy. If it were a movie, you’d wear the tape out, guaranteed.