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"McCoy takes Kirk shopping to get his mind off his absent bondmate, who is away escorting a Kelvan ambassador to a nearby starbase."
Reactions and Reviews
Positively one of the most hilarious K/S stories I have ever read. The style and wit of this piece is absolutely incomparable. I will never forget Kirk, Spock and McCoy’s visit to the Km-Art planet with its shopping frenzy during the “Blue Light Special”. And their meeting with Akuta who serves Vaal burgers. And the brandy specially fermented by Berthold rays. Try to get this zine and read this very, very funny story. 
I can’t help it. This story is completely silly, but it makes me giggle every time I read it. The first couple of sentences will give you an idea of what this story is like: ”Jim, will you stop fondling that cucumber,” McCoy whispered in an exasperated voice. “People are starting to stare!”
Kirk and McCoy are taking leave on K m’Art’s Planet. “It was often said that if you couldn’t find what you wanted on K m’Art’s Planet, you probably couldn’t find it at all. And at discount prices!” Kirk is distracted, though, as he misses Spock. His mind wanders, as he daydreams about their last night together: “They were laying on the bed, side by side. He had been trying to talk Spock into playing Doomsday Machine, one of Kirk’s favorite games in which he pretended to be a starship penetrating the giant planet eater they had once encountered.”McCoy, however, is eager to shop, buying items such as Omicron Ceti III brandy, which is the blue light special at the Andorian Outlet. They pass the Gorn Porn Shop where Christine Chapel seems very interested in the Vulcan vibrators on sale, and then have lunch at a stand selling Vaal Burgers. And just who is the proprietor? Why none other than Akuta, who informs Kirk and McCoy that since Kirk destroyed their culture they became eligible for many Federation benefits, such as help in opening a small business. Kirk then sees Spock, who is back from his escort mission early, and a happy reunion ensues. “Both were anxious to return to their quarters and get on with the touching and touched part of their bonding pledge...not to mention the more desired conclusion of fucking and fucked.” Kirk decides that he had a most successful day on K m’Art’s Planet, because he found exactly what he wanted! 
"Jim, will you stop fondling that cucumber," McCoy whispered in an exasperated voice. "People are beginning to stare!" How can you not love a story that starts like that? Poor Jim. Spock is off on a mission and this is the first time the two men have been separated since they bonded; the strain is starting to tell on the captain. McCoy, being the loyal friend that he is, tries to turn Kirk‘s attention to other things like the blue light specials on this most wonderful place for bargains—K m‘Art‘s Planet, but first the good doctor must distract his captain before he gets a gander at the watermelons across the aisle. Silliness abounds in this very short story, but it must have caught me in a weak moment because I found it hysterical. It‘s cleverly written as well. An oldie but a goodie. 
- from The K/S Press #31
- from The K/S Press #79
- from The K/S Press #170