sharing fandom/fannish selves

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Title:	sharing fandom/fannish selves
Creator:	entrenous88
Date(s):	September 25, 2006
Medium:	LiveJournal post
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External Links:	Sharing fandom/fannish selves; archive link page one; archive link page two
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sharing fandom/fannish selves is a 2006 essay by entrenous88.

The post has 143 comments.

Some Topics Discussed

• the fandom closet
• privacy, fandom, and Real Life
• Writercon
• Buffy the Vampire Slayer and other Jossverse

The Essay

A few months after I became involved in fandom, my sister knew that I had met a few people who also loved watching BtVS/Ats.

Over a year and a half later, I told her that I was writing fanfiction (I had been writing it almost from the start), and explained a little more about the extent of my fannish involvements. Little by little, I told her about my online journal, about the world of fandom, about the range of people I met and was close to because of meeting them through fannish channels. When I went to WriterCon, I told her about that.

This weekend, I explained to her that I write slash, het, and gen, and that I have written fics that go from G rated to NC-17. I explained about the communities I run or have created. I discussed the Erotica panel I had been on at WriterCon. I told her about my website. I gave her info on how to find my LiveJournal.

So from October 2003 until now, that's how long it's taken me to tell my sister the way that I participate in fandom.

A post from someone on my LJ reading list made me think about this -- she said she has a friend that she's known for years, who doesn't know about her fannish past times. So when this person asks her, what have you been doing lately, she ends up saying, "Nothing much." But hello, she's writing fics and organizing fan cons and spreading fannish glee in chats, IMs, in-person meetings, and so, so much more. And it occurred to me, this isn't just an activity or way of spending time that I'm keeping discreet from people I know out of concern that they might find the news and information awkward. It's something of myself that I'm keeping back.

To what extent are your families and friends aware that you read and/or write fanfiction? That you've travelled to meet other fans, or have spoken to them on the phone, or exchange holiday gifts with them? And believe me, I'll understand if you say, the other people in my life know nothing about this. For at least one important relationship, that's the way it was for me too until recently, and I gave her the info about it in careful, delineated stages.

Fandom is -- I really can't explain how much it means to me, what a fantastic world I found in it during a low and difficult period in my life. It's a relief to feel like I can share it with my sister, one of the people I care about most. Even if she never reads my LJ or a single one of my stories, getting past the point of keeping that secret, holding back how I spend my time -- it's been a huge, unspoken barrier between us that's now just...gone.

Some Comments to the Essay

[1 mad squirrel]: I don't write much anymore (never wrote much to begin with) but I spend a lot of time reading and some time commenting. Even explaining that I'm involved in online fandom. ("Well you see there are online communities of people who like the same tv shows.") gets odd, condescending looks. What your above quote really reminded me of though, was being bi, but not out to many family or friends, and being active in my local GLBT community, and not being able to talk about it with most of my family and friends. I'm a board member and volunteer coordinator at the Pride Center, and when my Dad (or whoever) asks me what I've been up to, it's so frustrating and painful to have to say "Nothing much."

[vampirefever]: I tell people I write and that I have a journal. But I don't tell them what I write or the name of my journal/writing name. My mum knows about my Buffy obsession and my interest in F1, she knows I write fic in the Buffy genre but I won't tell her more. Two rl friends know I write fanfic, but again, I don't tell them what I write or how to find me and read me.

And the 'what' I write that I'm keeping secret is the slash. I know my friends would not care at all and would probably be interested to read it. I don't know my mum's reaction, but guess surprise and maybe a little shock (though nothing much more). I keep it secret because I don't want to share it with people that might judge.

I tell anyone who wants to know about meeting online friends - but because they don't know what I write and don't share my obsessions, I can't explain how good it is to meet like-minded people.

[entrenous88 ]: I think certainly the aspect of writing slash was one of the things I was reluctant to explain to my sister. But honestly, I was also wary about revealing that I wrote erotica in general, the het variety as well. That kind of explicit writing is treated so oddly by so many people that it didn't feel like something I could mention casually. Still, I can absolutely see that for many people the slash in particular could be a dealbreaker, even if they did feel like they could mention the het erotica. I wonder to what extent that's the case or not the case with people who write primarily het?

I have a number of acquaintances who are aware of my fan writing, that it is slash and het. But they don't know my LJ name, and they haven't read my stuff. That's more a basic boundary for me, though. I'm fond of keeping my activities separate.

One of my very good friends in particular is interested in fandom, and I speak to her about the types of things I write in more detail, but she still hasn't read. It's been a great thing in our friendship, that I can speak to her about issues and interests in this area, and I really wanted that for my interactions with my sister too.

And I'm with you -- meeting people who you have a connection with through fannish fascinations -- it's tough to convey how lovely and important that is.

[swmbo]: I have friends who know I am *somehow* involved in fandom/fanfic but they don't really know/understand details and I am *so* fine with that :p And one person at work knows I sometimes read fanfic, and that's it.

I love fandom *so* much and part of me doesn't want to share it and part of me likes the freedom of being able to talk about rl and fannish things together.

Of course, my brother knows about all about it since he reads my lj but we have different fandom centers.

[marenfic]: My husband knows about my fandom activity in all its glory, as well as one of my "RL" friends, jencaro. That's it, and while I am very uncomfortable with the idea that there is something secret or shameful about fandom, the fact is that I'm more uncomfortable with people who aren't as fannish as me knowing about how completely I become involved with television shows.

Part of that may be my academic culture-- not that all people's experiences are the same in this arena but in my experience, my grad school friends and academic colleagues look down on television as mundane and anti-intellectual. I get a little uncomfortable just admitting how much television I watch, let alone saying that my spare time is spent writing and reading fanfiction, reading articles about television, reading meta, watching vids, doing graphics, etc. I would be fairly mortified, at least in the short term, if one of my colleagues or students found out about my fannish pursuits. And I hate that about myself and hope that it changes one day, but for now, that's just the way it is.

jencaro finding out was completely accidental and one of those "small worlds" things-- I was conversing with sandy_s who I'd met through LJ and gave enough personal details that she was all, Hey! You must know my friend Jen from grad school! Well, yes I did- Jen was one of my very very very close friends. So then I had to out myself or have it done for me. Even though Jen is borderline fannish herself (she watches and engages, just doesn't do the fic thing), it was hard to tell her if she checked out my journal she would find fic with television characters having fairly graphic sex.

I am excited to see that media arts is being a legitimate (depending on who you ask) academic area and that likely there will continue to be less stigma associated with watching television and movies on an intellectual level. I also think that the internet isn't such a scary place anymore to the general public and that it is easier to say you have friends online that you engage in hobbies with. Still, I think for me, a 31-year-old woman, there is still enough of this stigma left in my cohort that I'm too much of a wuss to combat.

Ah, the shame of being a wimp.

[rahlrah]: If someone asks, I'll tell. If that someone is my sister's desperately conservative m-i-l, I'll warn her that the stories I write are full of sex and supernatural violence, and if she really, REALLY wants to read them, I'll give her the URL, but don't say she wasn't warned. (She didn't ask for the URL.) Most of my family simply isn't that interested, and most of my friends are fannish themselves

....

Actually, what I have more trouble with is RL friends who are primarily involved in, say, literary SF fandom, and kind of look down on media fandom and constantly ask me why I'm wasting my time with fanfic and bug me to write something for publication. :P

[melaniedavidson ]: It's private and online is where I go to squee and all that without being made fun of or having to explain it.

[saml]: Everyone knows that I travel alot I tell them that I attend fan based events, ask them if they've ever seen the shows, but somehow it doesn't sink in. I had to miss a con in LA recently because of other pressing financial and familial obligations, I mentioned the fact and several people told me reassuringly, you can go to LA next month or the month after. I say that the event I wanted to attend will be long over - they look at me blankly and say "Surely you can find something else to do in LA". They just don't get it. I tell them that I have a website of pics alot of the albums are of my favorite character in RL music performances and con appearances and they say - "They're all of the same guy!" LOL Fanfiction? I don't even bother. When asked what I do on the web, I say I read fiction written by folks I've met online, correspond with friends all over the world, and participate in discussion groups on areas of interest to me. I also mention that I keep an online journal so that my friends can keep up with what's going on with me. They look at my DVD collection, currently dominated by many seasons of my favorite show and wonder if I ever watch anything else. Most are older than I, relatively computer illiterate, and communicate with people they know by telephone, read books they buy or borrow from the library, travel to sight see or relax at a resort, and rely on other people to entertain them, or play cards or go out to eat with local friends or family. I think they just don't have any frame of reference, and are not interested in developing one. They find me pleasant and a bit eccentric. I don't hide what I do, but I don't go into detail.

[mahaliem ]: I call it being in the Fandom Closet. And I'm not sure I'm ready to be outed yet. The only ones who know I write fanfic are my husband and kids. My daughter is the only one who's read anything I've written. I tried reading my story, "Because It's Wrong", to my husband, but even though it's short I think he found it boring.

[southernbangel]: I have only a handful of people that know I'm involved in fandom/LJ/fannish actitives. Most of my friends could give a rat's ass about BtVS/AtS so while a few of them know I do something with the fandom, they don't know the extent. That's perfectly fine with me because they only get bored when I geek out about the shows anyway. If they were to ask me, "Are you involved in fandom?" I'd tell them the truth, but it's one of those things better left unsaid, you know? My parents know I have an LJ because they're always asking about my "computer friends" but as for fanfic? No, not at all. I don't plan on telling them, either, because honestly, I CANNOT tell my dad I write porn involving vampires. Just. . . no. A world of no.

[stir of echoes]: I'm more protective of my LJ than anything else, and strangely it has nothing to do with fandom. I often think of it as the one place I can be free to say what I really want without having to worry about how I phrase it or how it reads to certain people. I sometimes worry that if those close to me (besides Arf who often reads it)knew of its existence it would change how I see it. That maybe I'd begin to censor myself or be less free in a way. I guess it's my place without walls, if that makes sense?

And I understand the not pressing into viewing/sharing, I think if someone specifically asked me for my LJ address I'd give it to them but it's not information I would freely offer.

And yes, I think some of my family would be relieved to read it's more fandom than family too. Although I once mentioned on another post similar to this that my eldest knew I wrote slash fiction and some were horrified. Personally, it doesn't bother me that they know, it's not something I hide from them because it's not something I want them to think should be hidden.

I don't want them believing that a relationship between same sex couples is something to be ashamed of, or hidden away in secrecy and I guess by not hiding my fiction choices from them I'm hoping they see that it's just like every other relationship. Maybe they are too young an impressionable as I've been told but I'd rather they know it's out there than think I've hidden it away and so it must be wrong.

[liz marcs]: My brother has known almost from the get-go that I had an LJ and what I do on it. I know about his DeviantArt account.

My parents, on the other hand, just found out just this weekend that I have an LJ because someone at a funeral I went to spilled that I had a "blog" and that this "blog" tends to be fairly public and busy. When they asked me, "So what do you write about?" I'm all...humina...humina...humina...MUSIC REVIEWS! POLITICS! YAY!

My parents do not understand the concept of fanfiction. At all. And there would be nagging from mom to stop "wasting my time" and start dong some "real writing" (unh, aside from my medical writing job of course).

As for friends...the ones that matter know. The ones that are more acquaintences? None of their business as far as I'm concnerned.

[soft princess]: My whole family knows. My father hosted The Island for the first six months of its life. They all know I write fanfiction, some of them have read some of it. My mother keeps acting like it's a bad thing, and doesn't bring much to anyone's life, but I don't care. Whatever I do, she thinks it's stupid, so her opinion on this doesn't matter at all. (This from the woman who proclaimed to all my family at a Christmas party that I write gay porn. She wanted to embarrass me. Yes, talk about embarrassing, when it's in front of all your aunts and uncles, and your grandfather... there's no way I could stay 'closeted' after that)

When my father asks what I've been doing lately, I'll tell him: 'I've written this many stories, and watched shows, and worked on my websites. I've been really busy.'

Most of them know it's slash, and what slash is. My sister-in-law has a livejournal (fleur_de_lys_, though she never writes in it anymore) and even started writing her own fanfic after a conversation we had. (she never finished it so it's not posted anywhere, but still) She loves to hear about what I'm writing, or planning to write, even if she won't read it. (She finds slash erotica a bit icky, not disgusting or anything, just doesn't do anything for her ;-)) I introduced her and my brother to BtVS and AtS, and they see the slash when they watch it. It's hilarious, cause they keep saying I contaminated them.

My father is the one who made it possible for me to attend the two WriterCons. He also offered me a trip to England, on my own, for my 21st birthday to meet a group of fandom friends I had never seen in person before. (angeljade and arundhathi, and two others) He understands how important fandom is to my life, and never belittles it.

[chrisleeoctoaves]: In the beginning I was probably more reticent about sharing fandom with RL folk. I probably didn't tell anyone I wrote fanfic. And I'm not sure when that changed...only that it did. My closest RL friends have no interest in fandom and so we don't talk about it. They know I'm heavily involved and occasionally they ask questions- more out of courtesy than any real interest.

My bosses know...and one has actually visited my site and read one of my stories...an Angel/Wes fic. The post-reading conversation went something like this: Well, I read the story. That Angel certainly gets up to something doesn't he. hahaha I don't know who these people are, but, *clears throat* they get up to it a lot.

One of the editors has spent the last three years trying to find my site. I could have easily given him the url, but it was just too funny to watch him try to find out where I'd parked my fic. He finally found it this summer.

Fandom has been a truly amazing gift. I can't imagine life without it. And interestingly enough- I barely make the distinction between fandom friends and RL friends at all anymore.

I am not secretive about my fannish life at all anymore. I don't care who knows that I obsess about nekkid vampires.

[tinyleglaces]: My little sister (who is 15) is on LJ and is just as involved in online fandom as I am (though mostly different fandoms).

Our mother knows we both write fanfic and participate in online role-playing games and is mostly supportive. She knew what WriterCon was when I told her I was going and she knows that the majority of the friends I have where I'm living now are people I've met through online fandom communities.

The rest of my family? I have no idea what they know. My LJ is linked in my email sig file, but no one's ever mentioned it or asked me about it. I did wear my WriterCon t-shirt when I was home for a visit a couple months ago and my cousin's husband is a Buffy fan and was reading it, but didn't really ask.

Most people (including my boss) were told that I was attending a "Writing Convention" in Atlanta. When asked what I did over the weekend, my response is generally "not much" because I don't want to get into it or try to explain it.

There have been random people that I have discussed it with (including one co-worker from our corporate office who also is involved in online fandom). But I generally only bring it up if I sense that the other person would be interested and not judgemental.

[silverjamie]: When I first started in the fandom my husband accused me of being 'weird' and everyone online that I spoke to on the boards were 'geeks'. Even now - 6 years later - he still doesn't understand though he realises I've been to see friends over and over again at cons and concerts and so on.

My kids were far more accepting of course and even my mother who really thought I'd lost it has now come round to my 'hobby', though bless her - I couldn't explain about slash!

But try telling siblings and cousins and they look at you pityingly as if you've never grown up and you really should be given a good shake!

So now I don't go into details but I haven't let any of them deter me - if I can spare the time and money to go to a con I go - and they can all tut tut all they like - I don't give a toss. I've had more support and caring and interesting discussions and acceptance and lessons in morality and ideas about sex from my online 'geek' friends than ever from any RL ones. And now a lot of my online mates are of course friends in RL as I meet them regularly!

Fandom taught me that I could actually be ME and still be accepted and loved. It came along at a very low point in my life and basically saved me. That's something I will be eternally grateful for and a feeling I will not give up easily!

[fishsanwitt ]: I tell people that I met my husband at a Star Trek convention and the response to *that* informs me how they'd react to my fannish life. Needless to say, I don't share much.

[moosesal]: As for fic writing -- I'm coming more and more out with that. My mom found out back at Writecon 2004. And my out-laws know. I've even let them and my mother read some of my stuff. And recently I wrote raft guide RPS (intentionally badfic, but still...) and let it be read outloud on a bus full of about 45 people. So I'm not exactly shy about it. But would I tell my neighbors? Not so explicitly, no. It's funny, because I do tell people that I write. And sometimes I'll even say I write fanfic and explain what that means. But to tell them I write slash? That's harder. I find I'm more comfortable admitting that to people more my age (or younger) and with whom I'm already really familiar. They already know I'm strange, so it isn't as much of a shock. *g* But again, I don't give them my LJ name or anything. I just ... it's so private and I guard it so carefully. Which is funny because it's out there for anyone who would stumble across it. But it's still anonymous.

[virtualpersonal]: I'm very very deep in the fandom closet ::grins::

I'm not worried about people knowing that I'm a Buffy fan, love the fandom, and might even go to a con once in a while - that only makes me nerdy, and that's okay. I talk about the show a lot, quote it, etc... so people do think I may be obsessed w/ the show(s).

On the other hand, no one in RL knows about my fanfic. A few members of my family know that "she's on some... Buffy writing list" ... with no clue about what it is. I tried showing my mom and sis some writing from an RPG, but they were bored. Anyway, turns out to be a good thing, because no one asks about my RPG/writing anymore... all I have to say is "I was doing my Buffy thing" and heee, they change the subject.

Still, wouldn't want friends or colleagues to stumble on my LJ or my writings. It is kind of lonely to have a passion for something and not be able to share it with others in your life. On those ocasions where I've met up with fandom friends made through LJ or RPG, it's been like a relief... to be able to talk about characters, and stories, and plots... and not feel either like an idiot or embarrassed.

On the other hand, telling people in your life would only give you partial satisfaction - at least you wouldn't need to hide that aspect of your life. But if they don't share the passion/aren't interested, you'd still be on your own with no one to gab with about this stuff.

[kaygrr]: I got into fandom while I was in college. It's not easy to hide what you're doing when you're living on top of a whole bunch of people in a dorm so after awhile I gave up. My friends were really not surprised about it and really didn't care. Oh, there was Nsync fic written for some of them (and with one of them!) but other than that, it was a hobby. My roommate played soccer, I wrote porn about characters on the TV. Call us well-rounded.

I told my parents about fan-fiction and slash the first time I had a story in a zine. There was a little awkwardness, including the awesome part of explaining to my mom how I knew how gay sex worked. The phrase 'Tab A, Slot B' was used and she implied heavily I was a curse upon her waning years. By telling my mom, I by default told my sister because there are no secrets in my family. Extended relatives know I write online, nothing else.

Other people have said this – it depends on how good a friend a person is before I'll tell them about fandom and writing. Casual work acquaintance? Nope, not sharing. But my good friends all know. One will even thrown out the slash when she introduces me to new people. (This is K. She writes gay porn!) Very few people request to read it. For the most part, they just care that I'm having fun and move on.

Because I enjoy fandom so much, accepting it is pretty much key for close relationships. It's even something I bring up with guys I date. At a certain point, they're gonna have to know about what the hey I'm doing online, or else there's just way to much 'nothin'" going on in the conversation when I want to say, no, I was chatting with this awesome person about this awesome show/fic/vid and it was fun.

[electricalgwen]: I'd been reading fanfic (almost entirely slash) for about a year before I finally told my husband about it. I'd tried to introduce the subject obliquely once before, but he'd been quite negative about the concept/quality of fanfiction, so I'd dropped it. (Needless to say, he hadn't read any, or at least none of the kind/quality level I liked.)

Ultimately, I told him after we'd had a fairly indepth conversation about sex, and turn-ons, and things we might like to try... I finally said, look, this is something that's a turn-on for me, and from what I've read, other het women like it too, dunno why, there you are. I told him I read, and that I'd written a couple of things. I did not give him my LJ ID, nor did he know the email I use for it. So when I logged into MSN the next evening, and had a request to add him as a contact, it was a bit of a shock. Clearly he knew what to look for - he knows me very well! ;)

It was a great relief to let him in on it - and to have him be happy for me, and think it was really cool that I was writing again. He dropped in once and gave me an insightful comment on a fic (didn't say who he was, but I know him pretty well too :) but I'm pretty sure he doesn't read regularly. No one else knows, though, and I/we like it that way.

I think he's even more paranoid than I am about the secrecy of my LJ, and I am pretty damn paranoid. To the extent that I've avoided listing some interests that could identify me, and I've forgone joining certain communities that require you to have your full birthdate listed in your profile. I've encountered several folks on here who live near (some, very near) me, and I'd love to meet - but I doubt I ever will. The less that people know about the real me, the freer I am to write teh porn. Which, I've discovered, I like doing. :D

This is difficult, because I have come to really enjoy the sharing and friendly contact that happens *around* the fic, since I got an LJ. Before, it was all about the fic; I just read, on my own. Being "outed" would be a very big deal for me. I think. Not so much the fannish stuff, but definitely the slash and graphic sex writing. I'm in a job that has a certain public expectation attached to it, and in which your personal moral values almost certainly will be evaluated whether or not they have any bearing on your actual ability to do your job. For example, most people would probably object if their kid's kindergarten teacher was identified as writing gay porn in her spare time (I'm not a teacher, just an example) - even if she were happily married, pillar of the community, yadda yadda.

My family are not really a worry. I will never tell my parents (who think being gay is a mortal sin, and watching TV at least a venial one) and probably never my sister. I did confess to my sister, while out for a drink this summer, that I'd occasionally written erotica - but I didn't tell her it was slash (I really don't think she'd get it) and I denied publishing it online (she actually asked - which in retrospect makes me wonder what she reads. Hmm, maybe another time we'll have that conversation.) Fortunately, my parents also dislike computers, so are never going to stumble across me, and don't have any interest in what I do online. Also, we live very far apart so they have no idea how I spend my time.

[cordellanne]:I see that other people have spoken about the similarities between coming out at as queer with coming out as a fanfic writer/reader. When I realized that I was queer, I made a conscious decision to be be open about that with my immediate family and friends. This decision was made easier by having a very liberal environment - and I didn't have to personally content with any (or almost any) issues when I came out (this was not the case for other friends who came out though). So, a number of years later when I discovered BtVS (during a difficult period in my life too) I excitedly told friends and family. I also am - as you likely know from meeting me - very enthusiastic about things in general so have a hard time *not* telling people about something I'm into.

I think I have the rare situation in which basically all of my RL friends are also BtVS fans. None of them read BtVS fanfic, although I'm sure one of them told me about it. When I first started reading it, I didn't tell them because I think I was little embarrassed. I can't remember when I told my friends but they've known for a couple of years now, and we've talked about it (oh! one RL friend's really into Battlestar Galactica fanfic). When I first wrote fanfic I got one of my friends to beta for me because I didn't know many people in the fanfic world to beta. And he still betas for me now (despite not being into fanfic, although obviously he doesn't hate it).

My mom knew I'd been writing fanfic, but I'd never explained specifically what type I write and read. After Writercon I was telling her about that one guy's anti-slash reaction , and told her then that I write and read slash. My mom was cool with it. (I'm very close with my mom.)

Also, because I wasn't just going to Writercon but also to visit Camisha I explained to my family what Writercon was, and how I knew Camisha.

Um, yeah. So I'm very out about my fandom activities. Because I work in a queer office, I've shown co-workers my fanfic before (there's a bunch of BtVS fans in the office). And they all knew where I was going when I went to Writercon. ...

[beadattitude]: My best R/L friend just. doesn't. get. it. but she's read my Buffy/Giles fics and enjoyed them. She is a neo-luddite, hates being on the computer, doesn't understand and doesn't want to understand about online communities, and is terribly puzzled and I think slightly disturbed about my slash.

She also doesn't like sci-fi and fantasy all that much. And before you ask, what we do have in common is acting, theatre and singing.

She thinks I'm wasting my time/life, etc. Honestly, I think she's a little jealous. I know she was when some of my online buddies came all the way here to see me in a play.

My inlaws know I'm writing, and my mother in law kind of outed me to my mom, who I had to tell I was writing fanfic/smut. She's never read, and told my sister, who was also upset that I didn't tell them. I explained I thought she'd be put off by the adult nature and she said, "You're right."

She does NOT know about the slash, which is now more than half my work.

They all live in Atlanta, so they knew I where I was going while I was there and they did ask if I was getting anything out of it. I told them that I was discovering I was far more an intuitive writer than evidently the norm, and a few other things.

I worry sometimes about my niece and nephews finding my stories, and consider changing my name to be something less recognizable, but just...havent.

thefourthvine: My Best Beloved knows, as do all my friends. (Of course, half of them I met through fandom. But still.) It would be too weird otherwise - how could I talk about the things that I'm thinking about, the stuff that is going on in my life, if they didn't know? It would require such a lot of effort, and in the end it'd probably do some damage, although I don't know how much, to my relationships with the people I didn't tell.

But with family, it's different.

My mother doesn't know, because if she did she'd read my LJ, and - no. Just, no. I don't want to go there with my mother, not ever; in other words, I'm very deliberately keeping something of me back. A lot of my joy in LJ would be sapped if I thought my mother was reading over my shoulder. (In other forums, when my family found out about my, for example, book reviews, I stopped doing them. It'd happen here, too.)

My sister is also in fandom, albeit a (slightly) different part of it. We don't know each other's LJ names - or, at least, I don't know hers; some things she's said to me suggest that she knows mine. (It's possible; she'd recognize my writing style if she ran into my LJ. I don't think the odds of her doing that are very good, but - well, it could have happened.) But there's a certain boundary we're choosing to keep in terms of what we know; we both want to be able to pretend we don't know what the other is doing.

Hmmm. That makes my family of origin sound kind of weird.

Well, that's accurate.

[learnedhand dj]: The people in my family who are Joss Whedon fans (my Mom, sister and two brothers) know about my writing. I told them about it when I was nominated for an award on the White Knight Awards. The only story any of them read was the one that was nominated. I did not give them my LJ handle. Also, my wife knows that I spend time reading/writing fanfic, but she has no idea what I read/write.

Part of why I haven't involved them is because I occasionally write personal stuff on my LJ that I really don't want them to read. Also it's because, frankly, I like having this little bit of my life to myself.

Another reason why I haven't shared is because the Joss fans in my family probably wouldn't follow the few fandom rules. I was talking about fandom in general to my sister the other day, trying to explain the concept of a kerfuffle. The example I used is when a 'shipper starts ragging on another 'ship. When she asked for an example, I said a kerfuffle could start if a B/A 'shipper posted something attacking people who write B/G fic. Her response: "Well, of course! Buffy and Giles, together? That's just sick!" I tried to explain that I really don't like B/G either, but that it wouldn't be right to attack someone for writing it, and she said, "But they should get attacked! That's...incestuous!"

So, yeah, I keep my fandom life pretty much to myself.

[jane davit]: Everyone from my mother in law to my dental hygenist knows I write fic and original stories and what sort. The hygenist (I'm sure I'm not spelling that right; it looks funny) keeps assuring me she'll read Ghost every time I go to get my teeth cleaned

It's simpler that way.

I got introduced to someone's cousin as 'this is my friend Jane, she writes gay vampire smut.'

I think I'm out as far as the smut writing goes ::g::

...

It's comforting in some ways; no one can spring it on me that they know and blackmail's out ::g::

OTOH, I do have minor freaks about it percolating down to the kids of the people who know and E and L getting teased but that hasn't happened yet.

To be honest, no one cares. The not so close people aren't interested any more than they would be about any hobby I had and the close friends, well, either they're supportive (one bought Ghost and loved it; can't wait for the sequel) or, like my dad, they go deaf and change the subject when it's mentioned.

And most, before the original fic, used to say, 'you should charge people to read it!' and be baffled when I explained noooo, not going to happen.