Shared Secret

Fanfiction
Title:	Shared Secret
Author(s):	Erin Tooley
Date(s):	2004
Length:
Genre(s):	slash
Fandom(s):	Star Trek: TOS
Relationship(s):	Kirk/Spock
External Links:	online here
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Shared Secret is a Kirk/Spock story by Erin Tooley.

It was published in the con zine KiScon 2004.

Summary

"Out of duty, Kirk and Spock resist the love they share."

Reactions and Reviews

Although this story is different in every way from ―Toys for the Boys, they do have one thing in common. In both stories, Kirk and Spock know they are in love with each other, and haven‘t spoken of their love. However, in ―Toys for the Boys―, the mood was one of pleasurable anticipation, since they intended to act upon their feelings. Here, in ―Shared Secret―, the mood is one of frustration and grim determination, since Kirk has decided not to risk becoming lovers or even speak to Spock of their love, and Spock has acquiesced to Kirk‘s decision. In this compelling, plot driven story, Kirk learns during a mission what is really important to him, and decides to share their secret with the world. This story was another favorite for me. I loved the opening scenes in this story, as Kirk and Spock conduct ship‘s business with the underlying tension of their unspoken love and longing between them. Kirk‘s feelings for Spock were so well written, and I loved the part where their fingers touch. Kirk is so tempted to give in and act on his feelings, knowing Spock will follow wherever he leads. I liked how during the events on the planet Phylus, Kirk does his duty as Captain of the Enterprise while privately agonizing over what has happened to Spock, who is missing. It‘s only when he finds Spock alive that Kirk decides to act on his feelings, and I absolutely loved what he decides to do about it. This is another great story from this author.

This is a different concept. A little frustrating at first, realizing that Kirk and Spock not only love each other, but each is aware he is loved by the other, yet they have decided not to express that love. They go through the list of reasons in their minds: regulations, chance of the crew not understanding, possibility that it will effect their ability to perform their duty.

It is just gut-wrenching when their hands touch accidentally. You feel the tension, the longing, the love and underlying desire that sparks into life from that touch. And yet both men back away, mutually and silently agreeing to that unsatisfactory solution. Even when involvement in a planet's two warring factions separates them, Kirk clings to duty and responsibility while he dies a slow emotional death not knowing Spock's fate. When the fighting ends, he goes directly to the place where Spock was last seen. Reading of him picking through the ruins, staring at the body bags being removed from the rubble made me ache with sympathy.

The ending of this story is one of those indelible moments in K/S. This is a fairly new zine, and I won't reveal the details, but once you read it I promise you will remember it.

I‘m very sorry but I have to tell how I came to that story, just in case someone might experience the same. I read a novel by the author I could not finish – I assume it simply wasn‘t my cup of tea, a bit too...let‘s say much.

Never easy to give up, especially where K/S is concerned, I tested other stories written by her. I liked Shadow Touch, I even more liked Interview with a Vulcan (so moving!) and I finally came to "Shared Secret" and I loved it. In "Shared Secret" both Kirk and Spock knows how much they mean to each other, how much they long for taking that next step that will bring them together, truly together. And both know that the other one knows. Yet they fear that a relationship will influence their duties and their work life too badly, that the crew would fear favouritism or worse. And so both agree – without words, without really talking about it and just by the deep understanding and knowing of each other - to keep the friendship based level of their relation. That part is wonderfully, heart-achingly written and it says everything about K/S, no matter in which level. They feel the other‘s longing matching their ones and both yearn desperately, but both also accept the sad circumstances of their situation. The author could capture that mood very well and it moved me deeply. During a mission they are parted by fighting warrior bands and while Kirk collects all his strength to do his duty first, we feel how much he worries about Spock, not even knowing whether he‘s still alive at all. Two days passes like this and after stabilizing the planet‘s crisis he can eventually search for Spock. And then, then comes this moment I adore the story for: Kirk finds him. You have to read it, really. You should stop reading this review here and run off to read the story as I can hardly describe appropriately how sweet and wonderful and shining the scene is in which they meet again. Run! For those still here: Kirk sees him, injured and bleeding but cared for already, and steps to him, and after they shared a few words with love-filled voices, Kirk kisses him. Right there, right then, in the middle of fight- damaged ruins and hurrying crew-members. "No more secrets, Spock" Kirk says and what else would Spock do then agree? It is such a powerful, touching, emotional and yet in-character moment. A moment, that reconciles with all the hopeless longing before.

It is a delightful story and I‘m very, very happy that I found it.